Author Topic: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++ (Read 569154 times)

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1000 on:** September 24, 2009, 05:38:06 PM »

Snipe 1000

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1001 on:** September 24, 2009, 05:40:53 PM »

1000 SNIPE

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1002 on:** September 24, 2009, 05:41:54 PM »

********************************************************

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions.
No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins
to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya
want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!" the
doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be
praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a
minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey." Soon the doctor delivers the next
child. "You've a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..." Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mikey,
Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection. "Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you
think it's the light that's attracting them?"

****************************************

tellomon · « **Reply #1003 on:** September 24, 2009, 05:42:08 PM »

Hot dog.

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1004 on:** September 24, 2009, 05:59:27 PM »

God visits a man and tells him he must give up smoking drinking and sex if he wants to get into heaven. The man says he'll try. A week goes past and God visits the man to see how he's getting on. "Not bad" says the man, "I've given up smoking and drinking but when the wife bent over the freezer I had to make love to her there and then". They dont like that in heaven replies God.
>

>

>

>

The man says "They're not too happy about it in the supermarket either!"

tellomon · « **Reply #1005 on:** September 24, 2009, 06:02:38 PM »

Imagine: a whole world full of tommys.

It would be wonderful!

*FluffyDuckee* · « **Reply #1006 on:** September 24, 2009, 06:05:54 PM »

Quote from: tellomon on September 24, 2009, 06:02:38 PM

Imagine: a whole world full of tommys.

It would be wonderful!

Wouldn't be enough snipes to go around Tello.

Hi Tommy.

Congratulations on your snipe, you snipster you!!!

tellomon · « **Reply #1007 on:** September 24, 2009, 06:13:03 PM »

Anybody seen Yib? I'm lookin' for him....
Tell him I got a party invitation for the limey...

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1008 on:** September 25, 2009, 06:00:18 PM »

Goodmorning everyone 9.00am here

Paddy and Mick were nailing up the side of a wooden house.
Mick noticed that Paddy was examining the nails and throwing away every second and third.
'What's wrong with the nails?' he asked.
'Sure the heads are at the wrong end.'
'You are stupid you idiot, can't you see they are for the other side of the house!.

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1009 on:** September 26, 2009, 06:17:23 PM »

Saturday 9.15am Goodmorning
Paddy Was driving his lorry when he saw a bridge with a sign saying 10 foot max. headroom. He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not , 'A shure I'll give it a go, he thought only to find that his lorry got stuck underneath it. Paddy sat back in his seat, poured out a cup of tea and lit a cigarette. A policeman arrived a short time later and knocked on the cab door which Paddy then opened, 'what do you think you are doing? asked the policeman in a sharp tone, 'Sure I'm having me tea break, replied Paddy, 'And what do you work at? asked the policeman, 'Agh shure I deliver bridges,! smiled Paddy!

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1010 on:** September 26, 2009, 06:26:01 PM »

Mornin Countessa.. your a goodlookin woman...

tellomon · « **Reply #1011 on:** September 26, 2009, 06:34:07 PM »

I know where she lives.

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1012 on:** September 26, 2009, 07:23:26 PM »

Thanks tellomon..its a long way for me to travel..ha..ha

tellomon · « **Reply #1013 on:** September 26, 2009, 07:28:28 PM »

Nevada ain't no closer, dude.

Roo · « **Reply #1014 on:** September 26, 2009, 07:52:47 PM »

I have met the Countess a couple of times lately Tello...and she really is a beauty...with a heart to match.

If you get your backside down to these parts..I'll organise a meet up...

I can probably arrange a meetup with just about anyone you would wish to meet....'cause I know lots of people..lol

But the Countess is definitely one you wouldn't want to miss out on.

Fluffy Duck is a looker too...I reckon you would probably have the hots for her...lol

But ...your ass is mine..lol

*Yibida* · « **Reply #1015 on:** September 26, 2009, 08:03:27 PM »

Yes roo I have met the ladies in question......

Roo · « **Reply #1016 on:** September 26, 2009, 08:09:04 PM »

Us Aussie sheilas are are a pretty good assortment too...don't ya think Yib?

I reckon Tello could do worse than come down here and have a gander.

Aussie women are usually good cooks, lovers, internet experts, hosts, drinkers, and just all round top stuff!

*Yibida* · « **Reply #1017 on:** September 26, 2009, 08:27:56 PM »

Quote from: Roo on September 26, 2009, 08:09:04 PM

Us Aussie sheilas are are a pretty good assortment too...don't ya think Yib?

I reckon Tello could do worse than come down here and have a gander.

Aussie women are usually good cooks, lovers, internet experts, hosts, drinkers, and just all round top stuff!

You forgot... good at lawn mowing...LOL

Roo · « **Reply #1018 on:** September 26, 2009, 08:44:11 PM »

Oh Darn! I forgot about the lawns.

I actually pay a man to do them for me...because I work full time and can afford to...lol

But I have been known to push the mower around in earlier years...good exercise, fresh air....and my man (at the time) could sit on his big A watching me..lol

tellomon · « **Reply #1019 on:** September 27, 2009, 04:59:45 AM »

Quote from: Roo on September 26, 2009, 07:52:47 PM

I have met the Countess a couple of times lately Tello...and she really is a beauty...with a heart to match.

If you get your backside down to these parts..I'll organise a meet up...

I can probably arrange a meetup with just about anyone you would wish to meet....'cause I know lots of people..lol

But the Countess is definitely one you wouldn't want to miss out on.

Fluffy Duck is a looker too...I reckon you would probably have the hots for her...lol

But ...your ass is mine..lol

You're making me HOT!

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1020 on:** September 27, 2009, 07:15:49 PM »

Goodmornin to you all

*Yibida* · « **Reply #1021 on:** September 27, 2009, 07:16:38 PM »

You missed the day here tommy......

Cupie · « **Reply #1022 on:** September 27, 2009, 07:18:25 PM »

I lost most of the day hiding from the wind.

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1023 on:** September 27, 2009, 07:19:40 PM »

Murphy couldn't resist the offer in his local paper. 'World cruise-£200 all in.'

Full of beans, he paid his fare and boarded the liner. On deck he showed his ticket and was immediately chained to an oar, along with hundreds of others. Suddenly a huge black man appeared and began banging a drum. At the same time six sturdy sailors walked amongst the oars beating people with bullwhips until they pulled their weight.

'This is a disgrace,' said Murphy, wincing with pain and exertion.

'This is the twentieth century, and slavery has been abolished. When I get home I'll complain to the United Nations. I can't believe it. And what about that fellow on the big drum?'

'Well,' said Rafferty, 'he's not as good as the bloke we had last year!'

tellomon · « **Reply #1024 on:** September 28, 2009, 03:47:20 AM »

That's a Drummer joke, right?

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1025 on:** September 28, 2009, 01:45:08 PM »

'You on the scaffolding - you're fired!' shouted the foreman from below.

'What did you say?' shouted Pat cupping his ear.

'You - get your cards - you're fired!'

'Can't hear you,' shouted Pat.

'I said you're fired,' screamed the boss.

'What?' called Pat.

'Never mind,' muttered the foreman to himself. I'll sack somebody else.'

'You do,' bellowed Pat, 'and I'll have the union on you!'

tellomon · « **Reply #1026 on:** September 28, 2009, 02:06:51 PM »

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1027 on:** September 28, 2009, 06:32:01 PM »

This link is for Tellomon only... http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1028 on:** September 29, 2009, 12:34:02 AM »

Was told off on ebay.. someone reported me about the boob censor...they dont have any fun
show details 9:50 AM (5 hours ago)

Dear tommy.irene,

It has recently come to our attention that one of your posts on our Community
Boards breached our Boards Usage policy.

The public chat, help and discussion boards on eBay are intended to be a
helpful, educational and enjoyable place to meet and converse with other
members. As such, courteous and respectful postings are expected from all
participants. It's against eBay rules to use inappropriate language or post
certain types of material.

Here's a copy of the post in question:

tommy.irene (88 ) View Listings | Report 28-09-09 09:37 BST
24835 of 24836

This link is for Al* ONLY AND NO ONE ELSE
http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf

TOMMY LOVES YOU ALL

We have removed this post because the following is not allowed on our boards:

Posting material (graphic or text) that is obscene, pornographic or adult in nature.

We realise you may not be aware of this rule. For more information on our Boards
Usage policy please copy this link into a new browser window:

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We respectfully request that you refrain from this activity in the future. If
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Thank you for your cooperation in this important matter.

*Yibida* · « **Reply #1029 on:** September 29, 2009, 02:24:46 AM »

Tommy, best you leave your boobs here, I'll look after them, they'll be safe with me....LOL

*smee* · « **Reply #1030 on:** September 29, 2009, 09:31:23 AM »

keep abreast of the situation eh Yibs

dont get caught fondling the screen ... you will feel like a right tit

not everyone agrees with that sort of stuff ... you will get your knockers

*barny* · « **Reply #1031 on:** September 29, 2009, 11:43:56 AM »

Quote from: smee on September 29, 2009, 09:31:23 AM

keep abreast of the situation eh Yibs

dont get caught fondling the screen ... you will feel like a right tit

not everyone agrees with that sort of stuff ... you will get your knockers

Quite witty Smee (anyway I thought so, being a fella)

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1032 on:** September 29, 2009, 05:58:39 PM »

Tuesday 9.00am..Goodmorning everyone

A Kerryman was suffering from pains in his knees, so he visited the doctor.

"You're suffering from a disease that we medical experts call "kneeitis", said the doctor. "Take it easy for a month or so and above all don't climb any stairs. That puts a terrible strain on the knees."

A month later the Kerryman returned and after a brief examination was found to have recovered completely.

"Can I climb the stairs now Doctor?"

"Certainly," replied the Doctor.

"Thank Heavens," said the Kerryman, "I was getting a bit browned off climbing up the drainpipe every time I wanted to go to the toilet."

*smee* · « **Reply #1033 on:** September 29, 2009, 06:09:32 PM »

ahhhhh gutter humour !

*Yibida* · « **Reply #1034 on:** September 29, 2009, 06:10:33 PM »

Yo tommy wheres the boobs?

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #1035 on:** September 29, 2009, 06:10:58 PM »

I love gutter humour. I hate asparagus

Cupie · « **Reply #1036 on:** September 29, 2009, 06:24:55 PM »

Ubb...is there any vegetable you will eat?

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1037 on:** September 30, 2009, 12:22:10 AM »

How sweetly lies old Ireland Emerald green beyond the foam, Awakening sweet memories Calling the heart back home
May your troubles be less And your blessing be more And nothing but happiness Come through your door
The Harp that once through Tara’s hills The soul of music shed, Now hangs as mute on Tara’s walls As if that soul were fled So sleep the pride of former days, So Glory’s thrill is o’er- And the hearts that once Beat high for praise Now feel that pulse no more.
Whenever there is happiness Hope you’ll be there too, Wherever there are friendly smiles Hope they’ll smile on you, Whenever there is sunshine, Hope it shine especially For you to make each day for you As bright as it can be.
May this home and all therein
be blessed with God’s love
A BLESSING FOR YOU AND YOURS
May the grace of God’s protection
And His great love abide
Within your home-within the hearts
Of all who dwell inside.

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #1038 on:** September 30, 2009, 10:02:41 AM »

Yeah Cupie, I love chips.

tellomon · « **Reply #1039 on:** September 30, 2009, 10:21:28 AM »

McPoem.

:beer:

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1040 on:** September 30, 2009, 05:11:52 PM »

Goodmorning everyone
Murphy had been on the firing range for over an hour and hit nothing.

'It's no good,' he said to the corporal. 'I'll never make a soldier. I'm going off to shoot myself.'

Take plenty of ammunition,' advised the corporal.

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1041 on:** September 30, 2009, 05:41:25 PM »

"Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece ?" "No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !" Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk !!

Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted.
Mike said "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?"
And Brigid replied "Oh Mike that is a ham I am baking ."
Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're
cooking."
Then Brigid said "Oh Mike, I'm saving that for the wake !!"

"Did you hear that Flanagan invented an invisible deodorant ?" "No, what good is it ?"
"Well if you use, you vanish and no one knows where the smell is coming from !"

*CountessA* · « **Reply #1042 on:** September 30, 2009, 10:43:56 PM »

Spotted you again, Tommy! All I need do is follow the trail of jokes around, and I am sure to find you.

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1043 on:** October 01, 2009, 05:37:49 PM »

Goodmorning Countessa and everyone else

tommy.irene · « **Reply #1044 on:** October 01, 2009, 05:44:58 PM »

'You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!'
'How come every time you ring a wrong number it's never engaged?'
'Spread out in a bunch.'
'Hello, Mary, how's your new false teeth?' asked Bridget. 'I'm leaving them out till I get used to them!' said Mary.

Cupie · « **Reply #1045 on:** October 01, 2009, 06:06:14 PM »

Hi Tommy.....really hot over here today....scorcher for this time of year approx 30 degrees....Extreme Fire Alert all the way up the and down the coast....but thankfully, no wind....Having a good old fashioned Steak Sandwich and h/made chips for tea tonight...bit like a pub counter lunch...lol...without going to the pub.

tellomon · « **Reply #1046 on:** October 01, 2009, 06:21:00 PM »

Feels nice being out of "Lock Up", don't it?

Cupie · « **Reply #1047 on:** October 01, 2009, 07:09:37 PM »

They don't have steak sandwiches in the lock up do they?

tellomon · « **Reply #1048 on:** October 01, 2009, 07:13:28 PM »

You were not in there long enuff to find out. And I'm not tellin'.

*Yibida* · « **Reply #1049 on:** October 02, 2009, 04:23:28 PM »

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the Hell out of me!'
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'

News:

Author Topic: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++ (Read 569154 times)

**Cupie**

**Cupie**

**Cupie**

**Cupie**

Cupie

Cupie

Cupie

Cupie