Oz Round Table

The Oz Round Table boards => The Round Table => Topic started by: tommy.irene on June 03, 2009, 03:06:29 PM

Title: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 03, 2009, 03:06:29 PM
Hi everyone..I see some of you have left us..its nice to hear from yous..come and visit us now and again..we are only up the road from you.. yours..Tommy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 03, 2009, 03:07:44 PM
Its 6am here in uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on June 03, 2009, 04:13:32 PM
Tommy, we're sorry! We really are!

I've just been horribly and insanely busy... If I showed you my daily to-do list, you'd perish on the spot.

It's no excuse, though, is it?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: imperfect on June 03, 2009, 05:20:02 PM
I pop in now and then...I will flitter over tonight ;) and spread the love ..xxxx (http://i579.photobucket.com/albums/ss232/edgabrit/hug.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on June 03, 2009, 05:37:55 PM
Hi Tommy...guilty as charged....busy as a blue arsed fly lately

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/fly.gif)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on June 03, 2009, 06:54:41 PM
I must admit that I, too, have been absent from the AU and UK boards for the greater part of the last two months - and am quite conscious of the fact.

It's not because I value them any less - but time is an issue and it is sometimes daunting to rock up to a thread that is 400 posts further on from last visit.

I must try and visit - it is only fair to acknowledge the important link we shared between the .AU boards and here.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on June 03, 2009, 07:15:50 PM
Hi Brumby.....Hey Tommy..just went over and shouted everyone a virtual Melbourne Bitter in penance.....because of course, in NSW Australia...it's 7.15 pm....so having a cold beer is perfectly OK.....maybe I should have offered em a coffee?  cuppa cha?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on June 03, 2009, 09:21:58 PM
Cupie, I would have gone with a choice of Earl Grey or English Breakfast ... TEA, that is!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 05, 2009, 05:52:00 AM
Glad to see some of yous on the UK Round Table..we are always happy to see you
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on June 05, 2009, 09:38:16 AM
Hey Tommy, why not paste the link to the Aussie Refuge thread on here, so us lazy types can just flick over there at the drop of a hat?  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 06, 2009, 07:42:09 AM
The Thread in uk is dieing..come and keep it alive
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: poison_ivy on June 06, 2009, 09:01:37 AM
Sorry haven't been there much as like others have a very hectic schedule, and coming up to end of financial year it gets busier for me anyways, but I will pop over and say hello.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 06, 2009, 05:50:55 PM
Link coming up...

http://forums.ebay.co.uk/thread.jspa?threadID=1200286475&anticache=1244274458042
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on June 06, 2009, 06:04:26 PM
Thanks fluffy, that makes things much easier.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 06, 2009, 06:05:55 PM
You are most welcome Miss Cupie.  *Gives Cupie a hug*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 06, 2009, 06:06:50 PM
The Thread in uk is dieing..come and keep it alive

Hi to Tommy!!!   :welcomedesk:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 06, 2009, 10:15:37 PM
http://forums.ebay.co.uk/forum.jspa?forumID=10&anticache=1244290283203   IS UK LINK....Hi Fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 11, 2009, 11:14:58 PM
This thread is dead..only 1 person a day..you have all killed it..thanks fluffy for replyin
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 11, 2009, 11:19:12 PM
Fluffy keeps applying CPR.  Do I need to give it another burst?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 12, 2009, 12:19:37 AM
More CPR applied Tommy.  ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on June 12, 2009, 09:51:46 AM
Hey tommy...nice to see you back.....you know that the UK crew are welcome here too....nobody's intentionally avoiding the UK RT......I think it's more about people being really busy at present with end of year taxes and end of financial year sales etc.

It usually is frantic in June/July......thanks for the link, I'll drop in when I have time today, and invite everyone over here as well..it will be fun doing a forum relay....you guys can drop in and tell us when you're all awake and we can come over and haunt you during the waking hours.  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on June 12, 2009, 09:58:07 AM
Yeah Cupie. Good idea. The UK crew all have a  great sense of humour. It would be good to see them join up & post here.

Some of us have been remiss (me especially) and have not been posting on the UK board.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on June 12, 2009, 10:02:02 AM
Well, then ubb...maybe we'll have to have an OZ/UK 'Exchange Program'...lol

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on June 12, 2009, 10:07:55 AM
Yep, that's a good idea.
(http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/000202C7.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 15, 2009, 07:44:59 PM
The UK thread has over 11,000 replys ...now somedays it has none..its dieing thanks to you ,not useing it anymore.( you lot of time waisters,get of you arse and do something about it ) hope to hear from you
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on June 16, 2009, 12:04:37 AM
One dose of resuscitation applied...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 16, 2009, 05:29:16 AM
Good to see you in RT today Countessa and Fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 21, 2009, 05:19:14 AM
Its 8pm here in uk...good to see some of you posting again in RT ..uk again
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 22, 2009, 08:37:32 AM
its 11.30pm here in the UK..Goodmorning to you all
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on June 22, 2009, 08:56:50 AM
Good evening to you Tommy & good morning to everyone here.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 22, 2009, 03:03:54 PM
Hi  Ubbrd its 6am in uk and its a nice day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on June 22, 2009, 03:05:59 PM
Hi Tommy, it's 3.05pm here in NSW Australia, and it's been a beautiful sunny winters day here on the coast.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 22, 2009, 03:12:54 PM
Hi Cupie..just passing bye..there all asleep in UK
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on June 22, 2009, 03:15:52 PM
Ah, you see Tommy, they don't know how wonderful it is getting up at sparrow fart and enjoying the world without so much noise in it....lol.  I get up around 5am most mornings....all you hear as the sun comes up is the birds singing and the surf rolling in.....almost as good as rain on the tin roof...lol.

I'm a morning person...so..... top of the morning to ya !!

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 22, 2009, 03:21:48 PM
Top o the mornin to you Cupie..am away back to UK see you later
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on June 22, 2009, 03:46:05 PM
Cheerio then  !!  Say hello to everyone over there Tommy, I've got another early morning and lots to do this afternoon.  Cheers.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on June 23, 2009, 05:40:29 PM
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/Skulls/skulls-2-1.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on June 23, 2009, 11:44:58 PM
Now... where was it that I first heard the term "skellington" for skeleton? I've no idea why, but it struck me as incredibly funny.

I must have been very young, probably four. At that age, we think lots of things are funny.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 24, 2009, 04:52:24 PM
Its 8am here and very sunny 22* .Good to see nice weather
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 25, 2009, 01:17:06 PM
Hello Tommy.  I visited the Refugees thread and left a message this morning...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 25, 2009, 05:57:06 PM
Hi Lady Fluffy  seen your message..they have given up..its dieing
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 27, 2009, 01:07:59 PM
Hi Tommy.   ;D

Nice to catch up with you here or there. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on June 27, 2009, 01:24:23 PM
*more CPR*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 27, 2009, 01:33:56 PM
Just applied a little kiss of life Countess, but it wasn't totally dead.  Was still breathing.  Revived I do believe prior to my visit by a Dancing Kitten, the Gorgeous Tommy and a Delightful Countess.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 27, 2009, 02:13:46 PM
5am here...hows everyone..Hi Countessa..Hi Fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Liisa-Sx on June 27, 2009, 02:29:53 PM
Hi Tommy !!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 28, 2009, 10:27:49 PM
Hi Liisa-Sx...its 1.30pm here in the UK
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on June 28, 2009, 10:30:30 PM

Hi ya Tommy !

(http://s691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_300.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 28, 2009, 11:42:13 PM
Yibida..is that Michael Jackson
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on June 28, 2009, 11:42:51 PM
or John Cleese doing the silly walk ?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 01, 2009, 02:14:33 PM
Hi Tommy, I think he's an English Bobby?... I think the police are called Bobby's over there in the UK arn't they?.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on July 01, 2009, 03:35:43 PM
Have also been referred to as 'Peelers' - both are references to the founder of the Metropolitan Police Force (as well as law and prison reform): Sir Robert Peel.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 02, 2009, 04:25:26 AM
  1 thread in 3 days..its dead..gone forgotten
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 02, 2009, 07:46:36 AM
Hi Tommy.....I don't get much time these days to be on several forums at once, in between this site, work, and RL, and as in the UK, it's end of financial year, so many of our members here are fairly busy trying to get that out of the way...... but....is there any reason we can't invite our UK mates to be members here too...so we can still have an occasional natter?  We all enjoy seeing you pop in to say g'day, and Logsie still drops in occasionally.....Haven't seen Embsie for a while or Loopy Lynn, but they must know they are always welcome in this little patch of Oz.

Do you think the UK members we came to know during the Exile period, would think us rude if we emailed them and asked them if they'd like to join us here occasionally?  Tart n Soul, Pixie and all of the Hijackers?

I'm still in awe of their skill in re-taking a hijacked thread....surgical precision...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 03, 2009, 05:55:29 AM
Hi cupie... its finished in the UK..but i will visit you all
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 03, 2009, 09:27:38 AM
That's good Tommy.....if any of the others feel like dropping in for a chat, tell em to feel free...we'd love to see any or all of them..great bunch of people on the UK boards.  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 03, 2009, 07:01:23 PM
Hi cupie just passing by
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 03, 2009, 07:14:54 PM
Hi tommy..always nice to see ya's......tell me is Stout beer that popular in Ireland or are we all being fooled by the promoter's blarney???

More importantly are there really leprachauns at the end of the garden?  and how exactly do you 'Tickle a Trout'?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 03, 2009, 07:23:30 PM
I only ask because one of our members Ubb is a fly fisherman and he can't even manage to catch a trout...let alone tickle one....lmao.... :potstir:

The Irish must be a clever people indeed !
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 03, 2009, 10:57:34 PM
MEMBERS! ALERT!

We need to make sure our thread on the UK forum doesn't die. It's got bandages all over it, and the doctors are seeing the ECM perform an ominous blip.

Post if you have fingers. If not, well... use your nose...?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 03, 2009, 11:44:16 PM
G'day Cupie. check out this Rainbow Trout. 6lb. I caught it on fly last year.

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 04, 2009, 07:12:19 AM
Must be very big flys in Aussey land
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 04, 2009, 07:19:10 AM
Countessa... the UK thread is like Michael Jackson...dead and Cupie we dont have the wee people in my garden..wish i had
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 04, 2009, 11:40:46 AM
Tommy, I urge you to think of the thread more as though it were Elvis. He's always being spotted - ALIVE... abducted by aliens, spotted at a McDonald's, seen walking down the street...

It's life, Tommy, but not as we know it.

At any rate, I'll do my best to revive it.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 05, 2009, 04:14:09 PM
Contessa ..what happened to the ebayers who said they would ..never go back to ebay.....ha..ha..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 05, 2009, 05:00:46 PM
Hi tommy, how's things in your end of the world....it's 5pm Sunday over here....been a really sunny day, so haven't been around much.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 05, 2009, 05:01:32 PM
Cupie...Sup?....LOL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 05, 2009, 05:03:22 PM
All im asking is you come to The Round Table UK and look at Aussie Refugees ,.It has 11413 threads bt now it is DIEING...Hope to hear from some of you
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 05, 2009, 05:05:58 PM
<h1> Hi Cupie..good to hear from you..<h1>
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 05, 2009, 05:06:42 PM
Hi Tommy....I think we'll have to synchronise watches.....now let me see...when it's 5pm here, it's what time over there?  Many members wont' come on line for a few hours....so we can organise a time so we don't pass like ships in the proverbial time space continuum...

And speaking of the space contiuum...Hi Yib.....how's ya day been
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 05, 2009, 05:42:27 PM
Hi cupie...had to go and have tea so I couldn't answer but I'm back now... it's been a lazy sort of day... you know...lazy.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 05, 2009, 05:51:02 PM
Same here....started sorting out a spare room got an hour into it and thought nup.....Sun shining, birds singing...still bloody cold, but much easier when it's sunny.  

I'm having Spaghetti Bol for dinner.....one of those winter faves.....Had Irish Stew the other night....with Real Guiness in it...hiccup...burp....yummy !! ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 05, 2009, 05:57:05 PM
Yep....I had veal and chicken parmigiana's with oven roasted tator's...very nice....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 05, 2009, 06:13:19 PM
Yum, haven't had parmigiana for ages......might make that tomorrow night
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 05, 2009, 06:22:46 PM
Evening all. Chicken Parmigiana mmmmmmm! One of my favourites, I'm very jealous.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 05, 2009, 06:35:13 PM
The UK forum thread needs your assistance, one and all.

Become a post donor on the UK Aussie Refugees thread.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on July 07, 2009, 01:20:42 PM
Just tried a few posts - and found it rather frustrating.

Keep getting 'The page cannot be displayed' after a long wait when posting - but the posts go up (at least).  Viewing is normal.

No conducive to contributing....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 07, 2009, 02:02:59 PM
I know there is a problem with the page reloading after posting, but let's try to encourage the thread anyway.

It was our refuge while we had nowhere else, and the people were (and are) fantastic!

Direct link: here (http://forums.ebay.co.uk/thread.jspa?threadID=1200286475&tstart=0).
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 07, 2009, 05:02:19 PM
Not bad 11444 its alive for another day..anyone see Fluffy..Lady Fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 07, 2009, 06:13:54 PM
Hello Tommy,

How are you?

*Gives Tommy a great big special kiss and hug*

 :kisshug:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 08, 2009, 10:44:40 PM
hello ...just passing by..cupie..coustessa..fluffy duck...bye for now
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 08, 2009, 10:55:06 PM
Thanks for dropping in again, Tommy - we need your Irish charm here!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 09, 2009, 05:09:34 PM
Its 8 am here...hows everyone..good to see some of you on RT UK again
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 09, 2009, 05:37:36 PM
Hi Tommy....top of the morning to ya !!  found those little people yet?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 09, 2009, 10:33:32 PM
Its 8 am here...hows everyone..good to see some of you on RT UK again

When Irish eyes are smiling....   :guitar: :sing:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 10, 2009, 05:19:18 PM
We have 11461 threads so far on RT UK..hi cupie..hi fluffy..anyone else your welcome to Round Table UK..8.20am here..nice and sunny
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 10, 2009, 10:35:41 PM
Every post helps.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 12, 2009, 05:56:01 AM
Hi just visiting its 9pm here and am checking my emails
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 12, 2009, 01:47:20 PM
Hi tommy...it's 1.46 pm here, so it should be approaching dawn very soon on your side of the earth.....so getting in early.....top of the morning to ya !!

Bumped into Logsie the other night...or was that morning ?......always fun.  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 12, 2009, 02:58:34 PM
The top of the afternoon to ya Tommy!!!   :quack: :-*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 12, 2009, 06:03:22 PM
Its 9am here...its 6pm in aussie... Hi cupie..contessa.. fluffy and all the watchers..instead of watching ,why dont you visit the uk board your always wellcome..its nice and sunny here..20*..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 12, 2009, 08:25:36 PM
Waves to Tommy   :welcomedesk:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 13, 2009, 03:16:40 PM
Waves to fluff...and everyone else..6.14am in UK
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 13, 2009, 03:23:59 PM
Hiya Tommy,  3.22 pm here in lovely cold old Melbourne town.   ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 13, 2009, 03:30:51 PM
We are getting sunshine today
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 13, 2009, 03:31:56 PM
Not us Tommy.  Or should I say not where I live. 

 ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 13, 2009, 03:35:21 PM
We had a clear sky last night and a bright red sunrise......bloody cold, but sunny for most of the day today....wonaful........Hi tommy.....it was warmer in the UK today than it was here..only 18 degrees max...but still nice.  

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 13, 2009, 03:38:16 PM
Its our summer cupie
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 13, 2009, 03:41:52 PM
Yeah I figured as much Tommy.....so just curious?  How often does the sun Shine in Ireland during Summer?  Here, it's bloody constant, and sometimes melt material.

When I was a kid I remember times when the road tar used to melt and stick to your thongs it was so hot.....we used to sleep under a wet towel during 5 day heatwaves.....somehow it doesn't seem as hot these days...maybe I was just younger...lol.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 13, 2009, 03:45:18 PM
We get 6 months of summer weather most of the time its wet
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 13, 2009, 03:49:09 PM
What?  Outrageous....sounds like you'd be right at home in Melbourne my friend...and hey presto.....a face for the name.....

Are all you Irish blokes so good lookin?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 13, 2009, 03:51:38 PM
I see you got the snipe 100 ..not bad for 70
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 13, 2009, 03:55:44 PM
Gord blimey...didn't even notice the snipe.....

not bad for 70

So you did find those little people eh?   Must be something in the water over there......or we just look older cause we're baked by the Aussie sun....Never could understand sunbaking.....the only thing missing was the  rotisserie and hey presto.....BBQ Chooks on a beach.

But we know better these days don't we?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 13, 2009, 03:58:23 PM
I love sitting in the sun..it seems to get into your bones and warm you up
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 13, 2009, 04:00:33 PM
Yeah Tommy...great in Spring over here, but our summer heat can hit 40 degrees and up......Hey....have you seen Loopy Lynn Lately?  

Say that three times really fast I dares ya !!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 13, 2009, 04:03:30 PM
See lynn every day on RT uk..am away for breakfast 7am here..come you to UK
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 13, 2009, 04:07:53 PM
Hither shall I come then......but then, what time does that make it here?  at 7am UK time that is?  You guys are what....15 hours behind?.....

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/Colere_64.gif)  I always bugga up the time difference....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 13, 2009, 06:24:13 PM
Will contessa or fluffy send link to.. UK thread for loopy lynn she needs to get on this Round Table
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 13, 2009, 06:33:18 PM
Woohoo!!  Hellooo Good looking!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 13, 2009, 06:37:39 PM
Done already tommy.....I'm back and forward but the Ebay forums take forever to load...same as Aus...don't know why....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 14, 2009, 04:18:05 PM
Hi cupie and fluffy..nice and sunny in UK,,its 7.15am here lovely day..all people are talking about is Swine Flu
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 14, 2009, 04:25:03 PM
Hi Tommy...it was a lovely day today......sunny but still cold...

I know what you mean about swine flu...our authorities are now admitting that 75% of flus currently going around are swine flu..none other...so much for infectious disease control eh?  Lucky it wasn't the plague, we'd never stop it.  Maybe they forgot to tell employers to send staff home before they infected the whole workforce and half the public ?.

I was at the supermarket the other day and I know a lot of the locals who work and shop there....mate I was ducking, weaving, stepping back, apologising....humorously of course.....The majority of staff had the flu....many customers I knew personally had the flu.....I can't afford to get the flu...so I'll run in the opposite direction from a sneezing/coughing person right now...lol. But it's absolutely everywhere this year really noticeable.  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 14, 2009, 04:31:43 PM
Hi cupie ..i dont want the flu at my age it would kill me...  its 7.30am time to go back to UK for breakfast..see you bye
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on July 14, 2009, 04:33:00 PM
Seems swine flu spreads really easily - which is why there is the 'pandemic' (which just means it's all over the place).

Fortunately it is not a severe flu and the 'deaths' I've heard about are from people with other serious health problems - that could have been just as susceptible to a noseful of ammonia from a cleaner's bucket.  But it's more senational if you kinda leave that as understated.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 14, 2009, 04:47:35 PM
Hi Tommy and Cupie.  

Well Tommy, I live in Victoria, the Australian Swine flu capital

But have avoided it so far....

 ;D

4:46 pm here in cold old Melbourne and all is well.

Ah hello nice horsey!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 14, 2009, 04:52:33 PM
Hi fluff...just get up?.....LOL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 14, 2009, 04:53:20 PM
 :slap: :quack:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 15, 2009, 04:48:24 PM
Today wednesday 7.45am..we are going to get rain ..18*..hope countessa is better..hi cupie..hi lady fluffy...am away again
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 15, 2009, 04:52:01 PM
Tommy, I'm still ill - seems to be a mean-minded little virus. But I hope to be better tomorrow.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 15, 2009, 04:58:56 PM
Hi countessa..was reading other posts..what about loopy lynn...is she to fat to get in  (she will kill me when she reads this..fat)ha..ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 15, 2009, 05:04:10 PM
 :rofl:  Hi Tommy...hey you're right...you're a dead man when she reads that.....and yes....it's all fixed up apparently...so Lynny should be able to get in now..

It's 5.02 here and just thinking about dinner.....crumbed lamb cutlets and mash....love winter food....so decadent..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 15, 2009, 05:30:06 PM
The top of the evenin' to ya Tommy!!!!

Don't know the temp, but it is cold.

It is 5.28 pm here!!!

 :groucho:

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on July 15, 2009, 10:57:55 PM
It's 5.02 here and just thinking about dinner.....crumbed lamb cutlets and mash....love winter food....so decadent..

Crumbed lamb cutlets?  Did you win the lottery?

I love them (though really a bit too fatty) - but they cost a fortune here in Sydney.  Last ime I looked it was over $1.50 each - and there wasn't a lot for your money!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 16, 2009, 08:15:19 AM
Hiya Gang...finally got in (thanks again Contessa)...this is a testing post to see if it works.

Off to the local show shortly, so will pop back in again when I return to see if this post has gone through.

AND.....Tommy.....I is not fat...am 9 stone, and 5'5" tall, so well in proportion, specially for me age.

Cheers  Folks xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 16, 2009, 08:16:57 AM
YAY!!! That worked...must sort out a piccy later on to use as an avatar.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 16, 2009, 08:18:49 AM
Hi, Loopy Lynn - fantastic to see you here!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 16, 2009, 09:22:36 AM
Welcome aboard Loopy Lynn.
:pirateship:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 16, 2009, 09:59:55 AM
Hi Lynn I see you got past the bot bouncer?...lol  Nice to see ya in these parts.  Now all we have to do is hijack the hijackers over here....hehehehe

:evillaugh:

Hey maybe we can use Smee as the bait....hehehe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on July 16, 2009, 10:17:36 AM
Hi Lynn.  Welcome.

Cupie - behave! (well, at least out in the open)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 16, 2009, 05:28:51 PM
YIPPEE!!! (think) I managed to get the pic in of lil "Irish" dog & meself on St Pat's Day.

Thanks for all the welcomes folks...now I know how to get in here, will try to pop in on a daily basis.

*does not brag about Queenslanders winning State of Origin again*

(nearly 'lost' me voice today after all that "Go Maroons!" last night).

btw...my family down south call them the "Morons"...have had to change me will again!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 16, 2009, 05:34:29 PM
Howdie Lyn!!!!  A warm warm welcome!!!!!!! Yay!!!!

 :kisshug: :bounce:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 16, 2009, 05:40:52 PM
btw...my family down south call them the "Morons"...have had to change me will again!

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/36_12_6.gif)

Hi Lynn.....where's tommy? lurking?  or sleeping in?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 16, 2009, 05:47:45 PM
Goodmorning cupie and everyone else..hi lynn good to see you here..who,s the skinny bird in your photo
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 16, 2009, 05:51:30 PM
Oh oh...... :chair:

Hi Tommy...you're a brave man....top of the morning to ya !!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 16, 2009, 05:56:43 PM
No cupie its better to be skinny than fat..lynns a cracker,,,I could sort out her born again virgin with her... its 9am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 16, 2009, 05:58:04 PM
Tommy...hope ye noticed that we had the Irish colours on the pram, White/Green/Orange.

Ye're sweeties Cupie & Fluffy...can see we'll get along ok xxxx

*makes note to self to learn how to use those smiley thingys tomorra*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 16, 2009, 06:02:59 PM
Hi sweetheart nice to see you no other uk ones on here...hi countessa hope your better..hi lady fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 16, 2009, 06:05:12 PM
I could sort out her born again virgin with her

Come on Lynn...don't skirt around the interesting bits?  What is Tommy talking about? mmhhh????......are we missing something here?....???...mmmhhh????

 :dance:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 16, 2009, 06:07:09 PM
Logsie drops in occasionally and embsie is a member....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 16, 2009, 06:10:38 PM
You have a dirty mind cupie...and I love it ..ha..ha ..see you soon.. am away to uk for breakfast
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 16, 2009, 06:10:56 PM
As to feeling better... unfortunately not. I could feel myself turning pale and clammy at work, and I gritted my teeth and told myself I could hang on for another hour...

Lynn, just use the "more" link next to the grinning smiley above the text field when you type a post, and the emoticons will be at your fingertips. (Click onto the emoticon you want, and then onto another if you want more, and hit "Close" when you've posted enough of them!)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on July 16, 2009, 06:32:26 PM


Was already for a nice big Hello to Loopy I use to follow her whilst lurking on the UK boards
BUT I'm not sure now what to say now after reading her post
Sooooooooo you won the State of Origin  :10:
thankgoodness we won last night  :yess: :yess: :yess:
and can't wait for next year    :pirateduel:


Oh ...all right......Hello Lynn 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 16, 2009, 06:33:21 PM
You have a dirty mind cupie...and I love it ..ha..ha ..see you soon.. am away to uk for breakfast

Aha now...see how they both skirted around the issue ?..mmmmhhh!!!  now I'm really suspicious....lol

 :violin: :serenade:

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/smiley_80.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on July 16, 2009, 06:35:21 PM
I didn't finish...I keep hitting post and mean to hit something else :roflmao: :roflmao:

again...Hello Lynn    :welcome!:


see ya around

 :ivanhoe:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 16, 2009, 06:37:04 PM
Hey westie...you can modify your posts if you want to and add things.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on July 16, 2009, 07:25:16 PM


Thanks Cupie......I am just showing my *intelligence* here...but I often manage to hit the POST button when I want to write a post... instead of the *reply* button... and in the last instance I hit POST when I was going for the* add smiley* box...I will get the hang of it eventually.....with the adding bit  do you  mean go use the preview box?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 16, 2009, 09:02:48 PM
It's the "modify" button, Hell WestnCrooked. It's enabled for 30 minutes after posting in case you need to edit your post.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 09:53:38 AM
Sorry Westie...meant to come back and tell you the same thing, but we've had thunderstorms in our region for two days now, so had to get off line pretty quick.  Thanks countess....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on July 17, 2009, 11:00:48 AM

Thanks Cupie and Countessa
Hope you get some rain Cupie...if you need it that is!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 11:11:39 AM
No westie...we could actually do without it....I'm trying to concrete a front patio...and it's on, off, on, off, on, off.....sheesh.....and the Council (after three years of fighting with them) are trying to tar and gutter our road, which isn't actually a road....it's a road like structure....or dirt track....lmao...anyway...semantics...soon it will grow up and be a weal woad !!  If the rain stops that is.....it rained all night last night......very soggy here today.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 17, 2009, 01:38:44 PM
Good afternoon to all.  ;D

Tommy & Lynn, (he he), Westie, Countessa, Cupie,

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 04:04:27 PM
Hi fluffy....been out for a while...nice sunny day here....Tommy should show up soon....it will be morning in the UK...probably having brekkie....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 17, 2009, 05:00:55 PM
hi cupie 8am here..27 dead with swine flu..55,000 have got it in UK..they say 65,000 could die from it in UK if it spreads..havnt took any breakfast yet....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 05:11:53 PM
I think we have the same number dead from swine flu here too Tommy, but apparently, it's hitting the young more than the older generation .....someone was saying...not sure which news program, that older generations have more resistance because we've been through so many flu seasons...but I'm taking no chances.

I wore one of those biker style bandanna's around my neck at work today..... with Eucalyptus oil on it....every time I came across someone coughing and sneezing I just hid in my neck scarf...lol.  

I heard that in a week in the UK, there were 55,000 new cases and it had spread throughout almost the whole of the UK...wow...that's fast.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 17, 2009, 05:18:28 PM
cupie they are saying in uk that the lost backpacker is a con
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 05:25:26 PM
Can't say I know one way or another, but the place he was lost is rugged, rugged and then rugged.  And cold....when it first happened I thought...he'll be OK...he's a UK lad....it'll be like summer for him (unless he falls off a cliff)....as I said, it's really dangerous country.  Had to wonder, if he ended up walking out 11 days later, why didn't he walk out sooner.

They're airing the story on Current Affair in Australia on Sunday night...I'll post a link for you.....but no doubt it will be syndicated to the UK once it airs......who knows....most of what today is about it seems, is having 15 minutes of fame....so anything's possible.

Why do the UK folk think it's a hoax?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 17, 2009, 05:33:46 PM
Why do the UK folk think it's a hoax?....They say he didnt look like anyone who spent 12 days in the bush..to clean..no blood shot eyes
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 17, 2009, 05:35:51 PM
I see 992 people have watched this thread..why dont they post on it
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 05:37:29 PM
I don't think I saw a picture of him when they first caught up with him....only in hospital later and by then he would have been cleaned up....he was reacting really slowly like someone with hypothermia perhaps....I guess we'll have to wait and see...kind of strange that the first day or two after he was found he had an agent and an exclusive deal with Channel 9...that part makes me a bit sus......most people would say, go away, I need food, sleep, heat, recovery I guess.  

mmmhhh...just taking a look at the thread on the UK RT to catch up on what everyone's saying.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 17, 2009, 05:40:40 PM
Am away back to uk for breakfast
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 05:41:42 PM
I see 992 people have watched this thread..why dont they post on it

Shy perhaps?  or.....

 :lurk:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 17, 2009, 06:05:47 PM
Good to see you on UK thread...........why didnt he walk out sooner..he couldnt he was lost..ha..ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 17, 2009, 06:07:34 PM
Hi to fluffy when she turns up
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 17, 2009, 06:10:01 PM
Hi to countessa when she turns up..hope your better..we have 1,000 watchers is that a snipe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 06:35:13 PM
Hi Tommy....Pixie has no idea about the area he was lost...it's not a forest mate, it's rugged country, sheer cliff faces, deep valleys and really really thick bushland.....even rescuers find it a challenge, because they can't airlift anyone out of there....too many trees...lol.  

Still stranger things have happened.....We had two miners trapped underground for nearly two weeks and they walked out...just barely...lol, but they were being fed and given fluids...so it is a tad sus when you know the area he was lost in....if it isn't a con...then he's bloody lucky.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 17, 2009, 06:39:09 PM
Hi to Tommy  ;D

Mmmm lots of lurkers eh?   :parachute: :hearnoevil: :lurk:

Countess, sorry to hear you are so sick so stay away from me I hope you feel better soon.   :tissue:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 06:50:09 PM
What are you implying Fluffee????....mmmhhh????

 :pigsfly:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 17, 2009, 06:57:51 PM
Hi there Cupie  :-*

I'm implying Tommies thread is ultra popular of course.

Hey Tommy new pic!!  Keeps us girls on our toes!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 17, 2009, 06:59:26 PM
Well of course it's popular...also friendly...lol

It must be the excellent host..... :t2:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 17, 2009, 08:23:35 PM
Hello, Tommy, master of charm.

Yes, your thread has attracted a lot of people reading it, and that's terrific. If they prefer to lurk, at least they're reading something nice.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 18, 2009, 02:52:12 PM
Oh well, it's almost morning in the UK, so we should expect a cheerio from Tommy shortly...I invited Suzie Q over here last night too...hope she drops in to say g'day.  

Morning Tommy....just getting in early
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 18, 2009, 04:11:36 PM
Hi there Cupie  :-*

I'm implying Tommies thread is ultra popular of course.

Hey Tommy new pic!!  Keeps us girls on our toes!!

 :drama:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 18, 2009, 04:22:14 PM
We still love you Tello.  It's just that you've got competition now.

 :-* :roflmao:

Top of the morning to you Tommy.   Look how popular your thread is.  Tello is throwing a tantie.  he he
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 18, 2009, 04:22:56 PM
Is this a major case of Thread Envy? Quickly, paramedics...  :ambulance:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 18, 2009, 04:26:25 PM
Hi Countess, how are you feeling?

I'm starting to get worried about you, you've been sick for so long.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 18, 2009, 04:30:16 PM
Tello.....

:roughend:

this thread doesn't have teeth..... ;D

It's friendly.....  :dance: :grouphug:

no need to hide :chair:

and always a hot cup of  :coffeecup: &  :chocdip: and a warm  :welcome: at the ready

Your shout Tommy...lol



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 18, 2009, 04:35:29 PM
Is this a major case of Thread Envy?

Not a trick question......

No.

Ask Arnold!

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/the5dc67896d.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 18, 2009, 04:41:56 PM
Fluffy, at last I'm feeling better! I was able to eat yesterday without feeling that horrible nausea and the chill numb bands around my forehead. It was an unpleasant little virus with attitude... but my antibodies beat the stuffing out of it - finally.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 18, 2009, 05:16:09 PM
8am here..countessa glad to here you beat the bug..hi cupie..hi to all the watchers, why dont you join in, we dont bite..are most Aussies shy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 18, 2009, 05:21:04 PM
Hi Tommy...how be ye??
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 18, 2009, 05:27:20 PM
Hi cupie ..everything ok ..its 18* and sunny here..on the news 6months baby died of swine flu..I thought i posted that on here at 7am your time
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 18, 2009, 05:32:32 PM
Tommy !!!  ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 18, 2009, 05:36:45 PM
Hi lady fluffy.. time to go ..back in a minute
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 18, 2009, 05:39:17 PM
This whole swine 'flu thing is a problem. The mortality rate so far appears to be one death per thousand infected. That may not be a stable number.

General warning: don't get cuddly with people who a) have a sore throat, and b) work with pigs.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 18, 2009, 05:41:42 PM
Hi Tommy...yes it's worrying.....a friend of mine has a grand daughter with a tracheotomy from a birth defect...she's just gotten through a really rough patch last year with mysterious illness, ICU for a month etc...and now the poor tike has this bloody swine flu....like she hasn't got enough on her plate.

She's in Sydney in the Children's hospital in ICU presently...my friend is not unexpectedly, beside herself....poor darlin.  *Shakes head* so sad....I'm hoping she pulls through......but she is a little Aussie Battler so hopefully she'll get thru it.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 18, 2009, 05:44:26 PM
G'day Tommy!

Tello here.

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/RonGargoil_1.jpg)

Checkout my website!

Cheers!

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 18, 2009, 06:02:16 PM
I hope everyone in countessa ..got their chicken..Hello tellomon good to see you..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 19, 2009, 12:34:18 AM
This is a photo of me on ST Patricks day...hope lynn see,s it..does you,s like me hat
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 19, 2009, 12:49:07 AM
Very nice Tommy.  Are you from Dublin?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 19, 2009, 01:01:07 AM
That is a HAT! If you ever use it for busking, it's got that nice enticing depth that indicates you'd be wanting lots of money.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 19, 2009, 06:33:05 AM
Its now 9.30pm in uk which makes it 6.30am in OZ..Hi fluffy I live in the North in Larne...not far from Belfast.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 19, 2009, 09:47:26 AM
Hi Tommy.....purposely slept in today....Sunday morning here in Oz...love the hat.....Does Lynnie have one like that too?...lol.  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 19, 2009, 03:06:09 PM
That is a HAT! If you ever use it for busking, it's got that nice enticing depth that indicates you'd be wanting lots of money.

I'd like mine in U.S. Dollars, please..........

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/06-01-06_1431b.jpg)







C):-{= <" yer really pushin it tello..... "<<
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 19, 2009, 06:53:37 PM
Hi cupie & tellomon..its 9.50am had a lie in..what about me Guinness t shirt.. nothing new at the moment..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on July 19, 2009, 06:57:03 PM
G'day Tommy :)

Are you sure you are 70?

That last pic of you looks very much like the last guy I dated.....and he wasn't even 50!

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 19, 2009, 06:59:54 PM
Morning Tommy......Guinness?...I put that in Irish Stew...don't think I could drink it though.....

Remember those Guinness adds...

"I Like to Watch"  

and

"Don't worry, it's only a nightmare"

Loved those adds...lol

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 19, 2009, 07:36:34 PM
Ho Tommy!! Your thread is up to 1176 views and rising fast.

Notice that Tello?  he he
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 20, 2009, 12:26:36 AM
Notice that Tello?  he he

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/c-00275_tn.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 20, 2009, 12:31:46 AM
1187 now Tello as we speak. 

 :tissue: :deadhorse:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 20, 2009, 12:44:02 AM
Yawn.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 20, 2009, 07:55:36 AM
Snipe  ..200
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 20, 2009, 08:01:14 AM
its now 11pm in UK and 8am in OZ...so good morning everyone..hope you have a nice day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 20, 2009, 08:48:31 AM
Hello Tommy you sneaky snipester!!!  (Actually we were saving that just for you, no really)

Hope you have a good sleep Tommy.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 20, 2009, 06:04:38 PM
Hi..nice and sunny here Lady fluffy ..its 9am here and 6pm there..hope you understand the time differance and im away to the goodmorning thread
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 20, 2009, 06:10:22 PM
Good morning to you Tommy & good evening to everyone else.
   (http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/0002028D.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 20, 2009, 06:13:26 PM
Hi Ubb....Morning Tommy....It's been beautiful in NSW for days now...something must be wrong...lol.....global warming.  na....just spring about to spring early with any luck...the Jasmine growing up to my balcony is starting to bud, so that's usually a good sign of an early spring......I actually got to wear a t-shirt today...wow.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 20, 2009, 06:16:38 PM
G'day Cupie. I have discovered that I have one of those pig sty things in my left bottom eyelid. I've never had one before so I'm interested to see what happens.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 20, 2009, 06:17:38 PM
Hi ubbrd... cupie will you stay in on place..i am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 20, 2009, 06:22:31 PM
If you go to UK ..rt.. you can read the thread about the backpacker..am away back to uk  ..see you
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 20, 2009, 06:46:06 PM
Hi ubbrd... cupie will you stay in on place..i am here

OK Tommy...keep ya shirt on ..lol...I'll go over and have a look

Hey Ubb...that sty is going to get really itchy....you can get an ointment from the chemist to put on it and it will bring down the swelling and take the itch out..trust me...lol.

Is that what they mean by the term....In a pigs eye?  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 20, 2009, 06:53:23 PM
Thanks Cupie. I'll do that. What do I ask for, oinkment?

I don't know about a "pigs eye" but it would certainly suit.
  (http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/00020281.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 20, 2009, 07:02:10 PM
What's all the buzz about this thread?

I don't get it.

Who's tommy? What's he sellin'?

And how does he get all the girls?

I don't see this as being 'competition' and not Board Envy (tee-hee).

More like a Confunction at the Junction.

Movies anyone?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 20, 2009, 07:44:43 PM
G'day Cupie. I have discovered that I have one of those pig sty things in my left bottom eyelid. I've never had one before so I'm interested to see what happens.

Hope you don't get swine flu Ubbrd.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 20, 2009, 07:50:17 PM
Narh Fluffy, I haven't started grunting, yet.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 20, 2009, 10:52:16 PM
Hello, Tommy!

Tello, Tommy was one of the fantastic people on the UK eBay forum who welcomed us when we fled, gibbering with distress and outrage, from the ruins of the AU eBay forums. (All right, I suppose we weren't actually gibbering.) He's Irish (which means bucketloads of charm, of course), truly nice (which also means bucketloads of charm), and he's got... bucketloads of charm!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 20, 2009, 11:10:37 PM
OK.  And I'm chopped liver.
How do you like me now?

How about Photobucket-loads of charm?

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/tello1.jpg)

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/IMG_0062.jpg)

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/IMG_0566.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 20, 2009, 11:12:46 PM



Tello even this dude pulls the chicks better than you!..

(http://daily.greencine.com/creatureblkl370.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 20, 2009, 11:15:30 PM
How would you know?

Ya got a Clam Cam shoved in me house?


I thot not.


(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/IMG_0566.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 20, 2009, 11:38:12 PM
Right... let's think this through.

Tello is American, but it's all right; he still has bucketloads of charm. (I love my American friends, I honestly do!) He's crazy, so he has a very weird bucketloads of charm thing going on. He's like no one else, hence the buckletoads of charm due to his uniqueness. Will that do?

But Tello... you still have to post on the eBay UK forums in order to maintain those charm levels...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 20, 2009, 11:40:52 PM
Right... let's think this through.

Tello is American, but it's all right; he still has bucketloads of charm. (I love my American friends, I honestly do!) He's crazy, so he has a very weird bucketloads of charm thing going on. He's like no one else, hence the buckletoads of charm due to his uniqueness. Will that do?

But Tello... you still have to post on the eBay UK forums in order to maintain those charm levels...


But Tessa he's .....(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/image.jpg) on ebay forums world wide...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 20, 2009, 11:43:29 PM
Yes, that poses a problem, doesn't it?

How can we save Tello's charm?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 20, 2009, 11:46:33 PM
But Tello... you still have to post on the eBay UK forums in order to maintain those charm levels...

O RLY?

That Life Banishment is World-Wide!!!!!
I can't get on here, there or even on ebay.el monte.

I really pissed 'em off.

Fuggem!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 20, 2009, 11:49:43 PM
Yes, that poses a problem, doesn't it?

How can we save Tello's charm?

SEND CHOCCY!!!!!!

Gina did, And it was good!
Send to: Ron Tello  Montello, Nevada 89830 USA
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 20, 2009, 11:57:35 PM
Now you've gone too far. Demanding chocolate? CHOCOLATE? The very source of life?

I'll send you the empty box of Belgian chocolates; the lingering aroma of the chocolate will have to do to sustain you.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 21, 2009, 12:06:03 AM
What has happened?

I can't find the UK thread...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 21, 2009, 12:10:54 AM
What has happened?

I can't find the UK thread...

See?
There's Zombies in the UK too!

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/Zombies%20Horror/shaun_big.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 21, 2009, 12:13:16 AM
Now you've gone too far. Demanding chocolate? CHOCOLATE? The very source of life?

I'll send you the empty box of Belgian chocolates; the lingering aroma of the chocolate will have to do to sustain you.

Nothing doin'.
I'll be emailing Gina about this!!!!

Have another Zombie:
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/Zombies%20Horror/Zombies-20.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 21, 2009, 12:15:16 AM
(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/98d1158920230-kindergartens-oerliko.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 21, 2009, 04:38:19 AM
Its 7.30pm in the UK... they have taken of the Aussie thread..cant find it anywere..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 21, 2009, 04:44:41 AM
Say again tommy?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 21, 2009, 06:25:11 AM
To all you nice people this is the thread i started today on UK Round Table       ***** What happened to the AUSSIE REFRUGEES Thread *****
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 21, 2009, 07:41:15 AM
Hello Tommy!!! 

oh

and Hello to Tello!!!

No favourites here. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 21, 2009, 08:46:54 AM
Tommy, the OP apparently decided to self-report it. From what I've been told, the OP started posting a countdown, and seemingly some other members egged it on, and then pfffft - the thread was gone.

There were some classic posts on that thread; I can't understand the motive behind the self-reporting. Never mind; we have replacement threads happening. Those UK members are a gorgeous bunch, even Sir Arthur who determinedly uses the word "convict". (I think he loves us, really. Can you see it? The little twinkle in the eye, the surreptitious handing out of chocolates and so on?)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *barny* on July 21, 2009, 08:53:07 AM
I can't remember who the OP was that started that thread..

Anybody know ???

 :wine:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 21, 2009, 09:10:44 AM
Your right Countessa ..beffy was doing a count down ..6 hours..4 hours ..2 hours..1 hour..i thought it was the moon landing.. but it was taking the thread of RT...it had 11600..posts on it.. well im not taking this one down..unless you,es want me to..12.10am.. am away to bed
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 21, 2009, 10:10:53 AM
Hey Tommy Hi Countess.....can one of you put a link to the new thread in this thread?.  

I have been using the link countess posted on this thread to visit the UK cause it's more like jet speed, vs a slow cruise...lol  

I have dial up...lol....takes long than you think.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on July 21, 2009, 10:20:01 AM
Here you go Cupie, take your pick!  ;D

http://forums.ebay.co.uk/thread.jspa?threadID=1100254966

http://forums.ebay.co.uk/thread.jspa?threadID=1200304406

http://forums.ebay.co.uk/thread.jspa?threadID=1100254959

http://forums.ebay.co.uk/thread.jspa?threadID=1100255015
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 21, 2009, 11:35:02 AM
Wow wheels ask for a swell and get a tsunami....lol...thanks for that. I'll put one in my bookmarks.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 21, 2009, 12:56:33 PM
Looks like I'll be putting the UK RT link in the bookmarks instead....quite a read eh?.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 21, 2009, 06:07:00 PM
Morning all its 9am in uk .. lynn has a thread you can use its.....And The Weather today Is..... Marlee  is her buyers name..she said you are welcome to use it
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 21, 2009, 06:21:45 PM
Barny..Beefy started the thread...... Hello to Barny and to Wheels and all the old hands
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 21, 2009, 06:23:13 PM
Barny..Beefy started the thread...... Hello to Barny and to Wheels and all the old hands


"old hands"...it's the mileage Tommy not the age...LOLOLOL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 21, 2009, 07:08:54 PM
Old hands anyone over 99years old..nice people anyone under 99..its the Irish charm you know.... will someone post on the Weather thread in UK ..rt
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on July 21, 2009, 07:32:21 PM
Hello Tommy, I'll try and pop in and say hello.  :t2:

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 21, 2009, 09:06:13 PM
Ok wheels hope to see you on UK ..RT
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 22, 2009, 01:28:57 PM
Hey-up all...have just sent a message to Contessa to see if she wishes to start a new thread on RT UK.

Depending on her reply, hopefully there will be a new thread for you all shortly.

Sure we would hate to lose touch after meeting up and having fun?

(going to TRY to put a smiley on now)

 :goodidea: :goodidea:

Bloomin 'eck...didn't know there would be so many smileys!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 22, 2009, 01:36:52 PM
Hi Lynn...the emoticons around her are like gremlins.....can't get em wet they breed.....Thanks for going to so much trouble Lynn....we also expect to see some of you visit us over here too.....we'll call it the UK/OZ exchange program...beautiful day here....spring temperatures...no jumper for a change....wow...Spring is almost here...but then you wouldn't know about the cold now would you Lynn?.  Must be like our summer up where you are.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 22, 2009, 01:41:32 PM
Hiya Cupie...good to talk to you again (gotta be brief coz just saw "Man Friday" walking down the road.

Weather in Cairns today:-

Wednesday 22 July

Clearing shower

Low 20 °C   High 28 °C


(dunno about that clearing shower...not seen a drop of water).

Until later...Cheers xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 22, 2009, 02:04:44 PM
Hi, Lynn - I have started it with a slightly different title. (Okay, very different title - something about the golden sands of Australia.)

The link is here - Exhausted after padding all the way from the golden sands of Australia... (http://forums.ebay.co.uk/thread.jspa?threadID=1100254966&tstart=0&mod=1248228186024)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 22, 2009, 04:07:37 PM
Hi its 7am in UK & 4pm in OZ..hope everyone is ok today..50 dead with swine flu
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 22, 2009, 04:11:19 PM
Hi Tommy  37 dead in Australia.... there's a lot to be said for being anti social at the moment.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 22, 2009, 04:12:09 PM
There's a lot to be said for not associating with pigs.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 22, 2009, 04:15:35 PM
And you have to keep away from birds.. what happened to bird flu..did the pigs eat the birds
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 22, 2009, 04:23:20 PM
Just seen my last post was a snipe..252..  am away to UK
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 22, 2009, 04:30:03 PM
G'day Tommy.  ;D


Bird flu, Pig flu.....  what next.... 


Horse flu?  (Sorry Brumby)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on July 22, 2009, 07:10:45 PM
Horse flu was around not that long ago Fluffy....I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there isn't a Mouse Flu around the corner.

My days would be numbered! :'(
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Poddy on July 22, 2009, 07:19:48 PM
i thuink the next epidemic of flue should be dolphin flu.

That might get dolphins back to the status that they were before someone went all out to make them what they are now  :evil:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 23, 2009, 04:50:12 PM
Its 8am goodmornin to you all
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 23, 2009, 05:35:18 PM
Morning tommy

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/Sam_and_Ralph_clock-765210.png)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 23, 2009, 08:05:57 PM
Evening all.
 (http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/000200D5.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 23, 2009, 08:06:57 PM
Oh, & good morning Tommy
 (http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/000200D6.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 23, 2009, 09:12:21 PM
Yo Tommy !!...  { Ubbrd..had to toss out mi tartare sauce thanks to you! }
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 24, 2009, 02:44:47 AM
Hi  Yibida and Ubbrd good to see you its 5.45pm in uk...and there is 100,000 cases of Swine Flu in UK..31 dead... its spreading very fast
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Poddy on July 24, 2009, 02:56:52 AM
:(  I'm glad I dont go anywhere where are a lot of people gathering.

i want to stick around for some more years at least :)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 24, 2009, 03:42:47 AM
The figure for England is double the total of the previous week.

Some 840 people are described as being "seriously ill" in hospital with the illness - and 63 people are being treated in intensive care.

The death toll in the UK stands at 31, but that is likely to climb when the Department of Health releases its weekly update online later.

The shocking new figures come as the National Pandemic Flu Service opened across England, allowing people who think they have the H1N1 virus to bypass the NHS to obtain antiviral drugs.

The new phone hotline and website service use a checklist to diagnose cases and has been designed to relieve the pressure on the health service.



 
Swine Flu: Health Q & A
What is it? Could I catch it?
Your questions answered.



Visitors to the Government website are asked fill in a detailed questionnaire before being given a positive or negative swine flu diagnosis.

Call centre staff manning the telephone hotline - 0800 1513 100 - will use the same algorithm. They are expecting to field up to 200,000 queries a day.

If a caller is confirmed to have swine flu they will be given an authorisation number, which their designated "flu friend" can use to pick up antiviral drugs from the local collection point.

Over 2,000 staff have been recruited and given six-hour long training sessions before they start work. They are not required to have any previous medical experience.

Some critics claim the "worried well" will abuse the DIY diagnosis to apply for medication unnecessarily.



 





Others fear swine flu symptoms could mask other serious illnesses, like meningitis.

Seventeen-year-old Gemma Drury, from Chesterfield, was diagnosed with the H1N1 virus by two separate doctors.

She was in fact suffering from meningitis and is now recovering in hospital.

Her father Kevin told Sky News: "If two doctors could get it wrong with Gemma, what hope would someone on the end of the phone with no medical training have?

"It's not the right way to make a diagnosis."

The Department of Health insists the service is simply a way for people to get access to Tamiflu and other antiviral drugs quickly.

Anyone displaying unusual symptoms will still be advised to contact a medical professional.


 


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MORE ON THIS STORY: Swine Flu
 
Jul 23,2009

Job Seekers Flock To Flu Helpline   
Jul 23,2009

Meningitis Girl's Swine Flu Mix-Up  Video
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National Swine Flu Hotline Launched  Video
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Jul 22,2009

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Swine Flu Girl Died Of Septic Shock
Comments to the story
This was all I needed, I've just spent four long years getting over SARS and now I catch this.

Typical.

Posted By :Mr. Unlucky Report This
People of my generation remember the Asian Flu epidemic.
The government of the time raised a campaign of awarenes with the slogan "coughs and sneeezes spread diseases - trap your germs in a handkerchief"

We should do the same again but with an one the spot fine for anyone sneezing in a public place without using a handkerchief. This would dramatically cut down the spread of the infection.

Posted By :terry colman Report This
I'd make a valid comment if I could but I think I've got swine flu so I'm off to get some drugs.
Posted By :TC Report This
Read more comments (Page Expands)

People like you, Andrew, are as bad as the tabloids and press in scare-mongering this.

Jesus. Most of us probably won't get it. I've never even had normal flu, and I don't see myself catching swine flu... unless the filthy vermin who catch my train to work carry on breathing all over me.

Posted By :Matthew McConaghy Report This
Interesting to see that shortly after the government launched it's 'Pandemic Flu Service', I logged on to get advice. Only to be told that the website was 'very busy' and to return at a later time.
That is just typical of our government. As always they have not allowed for such interest and anticipated that the website would be subject to such demand.

We should rename it the ' Pandamonium Flu Service'.

Posted By :John Bretherton Report This
All the people complaining about not getting a proper diagnosis should have a think about why it is being done this way!

If someone with Swine Flu walks into a doctors, usully full of pensioners, and it spreads, someone will die, if the doctor does a home visit, then carries the virus back to the doctors same problem.


I think it makes good sense to do it this way, if you haven't got swine flu and just normal flu, the tamiflu will only help!


Mexico should have been isolated as soon as it was caught, it could have been over and done with in two weeks! Now it will be atleast a year.

Posted By :a s Report This

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Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 24, 2009, 03:45:27 AM
Hi poddy am away back to uk its 6.45pm in uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 24, 2009, 08:38:42 AM
*setting watch to UK time*

Hello, Tommy!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Poddy on July 24, 2009, 08:44:43 AM
Good morning Contessa and Tommy,

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: RiffRaff on July 24, 2009, 08:54:22 AM
Countessa UHM.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 24, 2009, 09:44:52 AM
Thank you, Riff - checking involved.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 24, 2009, 03:16:14 PM
<a href="http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/?action=view&current=6April-DameEdna.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6April-DameEdna.gif" border="0" alt="Hello Possums">[/url]

Hello Possums!

Loves yer hat Tommy xxxx

Hi to ye all...can't stay long...gotta do stuff.

Catch up with ye later xxxx

 :kisshug:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 24, 2009, 03:20:54 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/edna.jpg)I think ya piccy when poof possum....here have this one
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 24, 2009, 03:22:20 PM
*waves hello to Lynn*

Lovely to see you drop in. You'll need to stay longer next time so that the kettle has time to boil!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 24, 2009, 03:23:29 PM
Hi Lynn whenever you want to post a pic....use the direct link on PB....and just below the italics symbol when you're posting is a small framed box...click on that and paste the direct link between the img bits in between the brackets
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 24, 2009, 04:15:15 PM
Afternoon Cupie, Tommy, Lynn, Countessa.  ;D

And should Yib be lurking around and hiding in the curtains, - no I have NOT just gotten up!!  Was up quite (well kinda) early and even been out.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 24, 2009, 05:01:41 PM
HI fluffee....I guess Lynn was doing the speed visit...like speed dating but even faster.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 24, 2009, 05:33:50 PM
Goodmorning all you nice people..its8.30am in uk..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 24, 2009, 05:37:23 PM
Hi Tommy...I see the UK thread is getting some action...lol.  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 24, 2009, 05:55:09 PM
Hi Lynn whenever you want to post a pic....use the direct link on PB....and just below the italics symbol when you're posting is a small framed box...click on that and paste the direct link between the img bits in between the brackets

(copies Cupie's instructions to see if I can do it)

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/8July-monkey.gif)


Hope that worked!

I'm always doing stuff at 100 mph...not on speed, just normal for me.

Should try to follow me around the supermarket!

Have me shopping list written out according to aisles in Woolies...grab a trolley, then make a run for it...chuck stuff in from the left, chuck stuff in from the right...knock a few people over (they shouldn't be in me way)...and I'm at checkout before ye can say:

"Bob's yer Uncle".  (never did have an uncle called Bob)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on July 24, 2009, 05:55:12 PM
Hi Tommy, TGIF afternoon here!

(http://i498.photobucket.com/albums/rr342/wheels2spin/thsmiley_boredatwork.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on July 24, 2009, 05:57:02 PM
Hi Lynn,

or you can just copy and paste the IMG link directly from Photobucket without using the forum menu  ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 24, 2009, 05:58:33 PM
Hiya Wheels...I live in Cairns, and tis almost time to lock meself in for the night.

Glad me piccy turned out up there (ta Cupie).
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 24, 2009, 05:59:36 PM
Sounds like tourist season in our local supermarket.....zoom.....I see my instructions worked?  Luvs the gif...consider it lifted...hehehehe....

.....you don't think I missed this did ya?.....Yibida is our resident gif wobber.....watch out...they crop up everywhere when you least expect it.

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/Dame_Edna.gif)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *barny* on July 24, 2009, 06:01:55 PM
Sounds like tourist season in our local supermarket

Why is it called tourist season, when I'm not allowed to shoot the suckers ??

 :wine:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 24, 2009, 06:04:25 PM
SNAP! Wheels...our paths just crossed!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 24, 2009, 06:06:11 PM
LMAO...I'd like to see that barney, but I don't think they let us shoot the tourists...maybe in Montello though????.......can my pet monkey join in?  I call him chopper chimp.  Hit monkey....hehehe

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/untitledx-1.jpg)



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 24, 2009, 06:06:31 PM
Ye nicked me "Ms Moonee Ponds" ???

*runs around lookin for some gladdies to pick*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 24, 2009, 06:09:32 PM
I thought you nicked it from me...with the the apostrophe infraction for Sir Arfur.......Here have this one....You know Sir Les...he's minister for the Yarts.......you can see why...look at how well waxed those legs are eh?

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/patterson-2.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 24, 2009, 06:56:26 PM
Booger! Got lost in PB, and me browser had a "hissy fit".

Anyway, time for me to have me supper, then watch Friday Night Footy.

Until tomorra...think about this:-

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6Feb-UpsideDown.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 24, 2009, 06:58:20 PM
See ya tomorrow lynn  :welcomedesk:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 24, 2009, 10:21:31 PM
All Points Bulletin

Apostrophes on the loose; armed and dangerous. If seen, do not apprehend - repeat, do not apprehend. Suspects are considered extremely dangerous. Call for backup and wait for the Colon-el to arrive...


I know. That was ... bad.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 24, 2009, 10:44:53 PM
Just called in for a 10 minute tea break 1.45 pm here in uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 24, 2009, 10:46:33 PM
*Waves to Tommy*

Did ya have a biccie with your cup of tea Tommy?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 25, 2009, 05:06:35 AM
160 Children in quarantine who had not sought help from the Foreign Office.
It comes as experts said children under the age of 14 have become 'super-spreaders' of the virus, leaving England battling a raging epidemic.

 Prepared: Masked Italian students arrive at Stansted as news breaks that swine flu cases in England doubles in a week to 100,000
The number of swine flu cases has doubled in a week to 100,000 with most of the new cases among children below 14 years old, according to officials.
A third of those who have died from the virus have been under 15 and 20 per cent of those who have ended up in hospital were under the age of five.
The NHS is now planning for up to 65,000 deaths from swine flu, with 30 per cent of the population - and 50 per cent of children - catching the infection.
Meanwhile, a British family on holiday in Bodrum, Turkey, have been put in quarantine in hospital after a six-year-old boy was diagnosed with the virus.
The child, who has not been named, was spotted after thermal cameras showed he was extraordinarily hot and tests later found he had swine flu.

Head doctor at the 75th State Hospital Dr Levent Ozbek said: 'After further investigations and treatment, the family will be our guests in the hospital where all necessary treatment is given to the patients.'
The Health Protection Agency yesterday said for the first time that the disease was probably at epidemic levels - or one in 500 people reporting flu-like illness.

It makes it the most virulent flu outbreak since the winter of 1999/2000, when 21,000 lost their lives.

Officials have also warned that a third of those who have died so far had no serious underlying health problems.

Such is the level of concern that the new National Flu Pandemic Service website crashed within minutes of going live after receiving 2,600 hits a second, or 9.3million an hour.

The dramatic news emerged as:

Universities warned campuses may have to close in the autumn if the epidemic gets worse;

GPs started to cancel summer holidays to deal with extra cases and call in temporary staff to cover for sick colleagues;

Small businesses appealed for extra help over fears they would be driven to the wall through absences and swine flu sickies.

 Alarm: Workers at one of the 19 National Pandemic Flu Service call centres answer calls from people concerned about swine flu

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 25, 2009, 12:06:24 PM
It's terrifying - something that started out looking like a media exaggeration is shaping up to be utterly horrific.

Anyone who's got 'flu-like symptoms, please take it seriously.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 25, 2009, 05:30:41 PM
Hiya Folks...Tommy is on his way as I type.

Bit busy on the UK board at the mo, but rush hour should be over shortly.

Hope ye all had a great Saturday (I did)...nice & wintry in Cairns today, so I fertilised me garden.

Saturday 25 July
Weather should be fine today.
Possibly a few clouds in the morning.
The Great Barrier Reef is calling!
Low 17 °C   High 27 °C


(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/woohoo.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 25, 2009, 05:32:57 PM
Goodmorning its 8.30am in uk...and Ireland is havein a nice sunny day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 25, 2009, 05:34:42 PM
Hi Lynn your spaceship got here before me..ha..ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 25, 2009, 05:36:39 PM
Am trying the change colour
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 25, 2009, 05:37:40 PM
Well that didnt work
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 25, 2009, 05:38:25 PM
SNIPE  300
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 25, 2009, 05:46:49 PM
Keep that up Tommy and you're gonna take the snipe record from Lynnie......Sorry I'm late...got distracted by this UK thread that everyone's posting on...lol.....Morning Tommy...evening Lynn

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/20070401.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *barny* on July 25, 2009, 05:58:44 PM
Er.. Tommy ??

Did you change it to black ?/

 :wine:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 25, 2009, 06:13:12 PM
I think Tommy is suffering from early morning Jet lag between Ireland and Oz...long way ya know....back and forward, back and forward...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 25, 2009, 06:51:37 PM
Im kneckered..all this jumpin like a kangeroo..To OZ and Uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 25, 2009, 06:57:12 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/kangourous-11.gif)    (http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/kangourous-11.gif)    (http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/kangourous-11.gif)    

Watch Lynn freak out....We're having Gif War tonight....hehehe...nothing is sacred, no gif is safe..!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 25, 2009, 06:59:40 PM
Am away back ..cupie..have to take Irene shoppin ..see you later..10am in uk now
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 25, 2009, 07:01:38 PM
OK Tommy, I'll catcha anon....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 25, 2009, 07:45:52 PM
A gif war?  YAY!!! orright!!! here's one for ye to think about coz I'm heading for bed now.


(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/nun.gif)




(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/nun.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 25, 2009, 08:00:28 PM
Holy cow....lol...I do luv that one.....swiped.....>>>>>>>>>>>>>>exit stage right carrying the dancing nun in me duffle bag>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 25, 2009, 08:02:23 PM
Night lynn....

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/ANIM-TWEETY.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 25, 2009, 08:07:48 PM
Hi, Tommy - to change the colour of your text, you can either:


This is how it looks (I've added spaces before and after the square brackets, to show you how it looks):

[ color=red ]Here's where you put your text[ /color ]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 25, 2009, 08:10:48 PM
TESTING:  

OOOOOHH....Now I'm blue

And Red

And Pink

Now purple

I've got the words in between the brackets but it ain't workin...you try...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 25, 2009, 08:11:06 PM
Nup...that didn't work
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 25, 2009, 08:13:07 PM
It worked... As long as you make absolutely certain the code surrounds your text, there should be no problem.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on July 25, 2009, 10:33:44 PM
 Now I am testing  this little game out
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on July 25, 2009, 10:34:49 PM


Sorry for hijacking your thread Tommy
Hope Ireland is well.....

Westie
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 26, 2009, 03:20:54 AM
Gif war? Here's one that went down in flames:

http://forums.ebay.ca/topic/Maple-Leaf-Pub/Hello-All-The/500034949?messageID=500693932&#500693932 (http://forums.ebay.ca/topic/Maple-Leaf-Pub/Hello-All-The/500034949?messageID=500693932&#500693932)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 26, 2009, 10:13:57 AM
(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Boo.gif)

Good Morning all xxxx

Just in to say a quick "hello"...gotta clear out me A-Z receipt files (2 years worth) today.

Don't have a shredder, so have to manually rip 'em up & chuck in a large garbag.

Gonna put some "rootin, tootin," music on to make me go faster.

Catch up with ye later today xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 26, 2009, 10:25:06 AM
Hey Lynn...sounds like gangs of fun...not...lol

I haven't got PB open this morning...so...no free gifs for you...but keep em coming.....variety is the spice of life.  

Runs off with another gif.....hehehe exit stage left <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 26, 2009, 12:36:10 PM
GIF WARS: The Return of the JPeg
GIF WARS: The Bitmap Strikes Back
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 26, 2009, 01:05:04 PM
Hi 4am here and raining very heavy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 26, 2009, 01:07:14 PM
Wow, that's early for you Tommy....morning then....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 26, 2009, 01:10:00 PM
Hi 4am here and raining very heavy

Hi Tommy, the only time I get up at 4 am is the have a twinkle...LOLOL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 26, 2009, 01:12:08 PM
Maybe he's got a tin roof yib....and the rain woke him up?...lol...Do they have colourbond in Ireland?  lol?

twinkle twinkle little martian...woops...got carried away with meself...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 26, 2009, 01:18:48 PM
Hey Guys, whadda-ya think?

The Loopy one......

Fabulous Babe?

Or Librarian?

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/girls_girls_girls.jpg)


My money's on BOTH!!!!


(A caddish comment from the VIP Peanut Gallery. Unpolished with slight return in the key of E.)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 26, 2009, 01:37:33 PM
Hey Guys, whadda-ya think?

The Loopy one......

Fabulous Babe?

Or Librarian?


My money's on BOTH!!!!


(A caddish comment from the VIP Peanut Gallery. Unpolished with slight return in the key of E.)


(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/nun.gif)...OR...(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/woohoo.gif)



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 26, 2009, 01:40:15 PM
Only her Hairdresser knows for sure.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 26, 2009, 01:43:50 PM
That's why nuns always travel in pairs

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/nun.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/nun.gif)

One nun's there to make sure the other nun don't get none !!!  AND VICE VERSA.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 26, 2009, 02:25:22 PM
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/journal.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 26, 2009, 05:27:50 PM
Huh! Librarian?...no way...I were a bookkeeper...so there!

*flounces outta thread*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/26Jan-Floucesoff.gif)

betcha Cue nicks that one too!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 26, 2009, 05:37:11 PM
Who knows Lynn...you could start a flouncing craze

I remember that little gem from the UK RT.....couldn't quite remember who was flouncing around though.....now I remember...consider it heisted.....just in case I feel like flouncing in and out of any given thread...lol

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 26, 2009, 05:40:41 PM
No matter how many I pinch Lynn...I'll never catch up with you darlin.....My PB Acct already takes two days to open...lol....haven't even started on Tello or Yibida's gifs yet.....be afwaid....be vewy afwaid.....in the mean time....run for ya lives

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/tweetysylvesteranime.gif)

I taught I taw a puddy tat......I did, I did taw a puddy tat.....!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 26, 2009, 05:46:48 PM
(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/StPatsDayN.gif)

That's me fave for Tommy the mad Irishman....hehehehehe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 26, 2009, 05:48:36 PM
. hi im back again..its 8.45.am here.. and yes i did go to the toilet at 4am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 26, 2009, 05:50:14 PM
I know what you need lynn..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 26, 2009, 05:52:28 PM
Morning Tommy...so you've resurfaced have ye?

A rare second appearance....twice....to be sure, to be sure..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on July 26, 2009, 05:57:11 PM
Careful Tommy....

The last time I woke at 4 in the morning to have a twinkle...

I went into labour and gave birth to a bouncing baby girl 8 hours later! :roflmao:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 26, 2009, 05:57:24 PM
I know what you need lynn....betcha ye don't!

If it's anything to do with men and procreating, forget it pal!

After 2 1/2 husbands (yep, that's right)...joined a new cult called "Born-again Virgins", and I'm now leader-of-the-pack.

Even got me lil dawg enrolled.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 26, 2009, 05:59:28 PM
Hi Roo ..Im to old for that and im a fella :applause: :yess: :yess: :yess:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 26, 2009, 06:02:12 PM
Hiya Roo...strange things happen in the middle of the night eh?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on July 26, 2009, 06:54:27 PM
Evening all. Sheesh, you lot talk a lot in two days! Just popped in for a quick visit and haven't got time to catch up now.

Lynn, how's the weather up in the Sunshine State today? Lovely sunshiney day today in Victoria, but icy cold.

Morning Tommy  :D

(http://i498.photobucket.com/albums/rr342/wheels2spin/bike_2.gif)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 26, 2009, 06:57:16 PM
Hellllo to Lynnn!!!![


 :quack: :neener:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 26, 2009, 07:00:19 PM
Hi fluffy and wheels ...another snipe.. 343
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 26, 2009, 07:01:34 PM
A jolly good morning to Tommy  :-*

A jolly good evening to Wheelie.  :-*

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 26, 2009, 07:03:36 PM
See you am away back to uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 26, 2009, 07:29:26 PM
Goodnight everybody xxxx

Catch up with ye tomorra.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/zzzzzsmiley.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 27, 2009, 05:10:27 PM
...and now tis tomorra...YAY!!!

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/1Feb-HAPPY.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 27, 2009, 05:12:15 PM
Hi Lynn....tommy should be around soon...I can hear the jug boiling....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 27, 2009, 05:26:40 PM
Hi cupie 8.25am here..Hi lynn..light rain..  :t2: :t2:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 27, 2009, 05:33:42 PM
am away back to uk..will be on the Aussie thread
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 27, 2009, 05:36:22 PM
How do Tommy?

Hey Cupie...was just tellin CuePerkins on Contessa's Oz thread that I got you 2 mixed up.

Sorry about that...must concentrate water me plonk down eh?

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/15Mar-baglady.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 28, 2009, 04:21:52 AM
Its 7.30pm in uk .....A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He knew he was not speeding. But just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly. Again, the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 28, 2009, 05:01:52 AM
Its 8.00pm in uk..  Just watched Irish Tv..We had the MILLION DOLLAR question on......

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

This is for all you nice people..
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 28, 2009, 05:39:37 AM
A man and his mother in law were on holiday in Jerusalem..when there the mother-in-law passes away. The priest says to the man, "for $150 we can bury your mother-in-law here or for $5000 we can ship her back home to be buried. The man replies, "oh I will definitely have her shipped back home because if I remember correctly awhile back a man was buried here and after 3 days he came back to life".



 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Poddy on July 28, 2009, 06:08:33 AM
Tommy,

Thanks sooo much for the laugh............now you owe me a pair of jocks..........I laughed so hard i kaked my shorts.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 28, 2009, 06:36:43 AM
Why did the zombie go to hospital?
He wanted to learn a few sick jokes.

How do you know a zombie is tired?
He's dead on his feet.

What do little zombies play?
Corpses and Robbers.

What did the zombie get a medal for?
Deadication.

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend?
It's a dead-letter day.

Where do zombies go for cruises?
The Deaditerranean Sea.

What did the zombie's friend say when he introduced him to his girlfriend?
Good grief! Where did you dig her up from?

What do you call a zombie in a belfry?
A dead ringer.

What did the zombie eat after its teeth were pulled out?
The dentist.

http://www.barhah.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=740 (http://www.barhah.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=740)


We all know what zombies like.  The like braaaains.  But that's just in general.  Zombies come from all walks of after-life.

 What do zombie laundresses worry about?  Staaaaains.

How do zombies get to work?  Traaaaaains.

What does the zombie doctor cure?  Paaains.

What do zombie poets write?  Quatraaaains.

And the zombie songwriter?  Refraaains.


http://community.tasteofhome.com/forums/t/671953.aspx (http://community.tasteofhome.com/forums/t/671953.aspx)

# Q: Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
A: To eat the chicken's brain.

# Q: What has the head of a cat and the tail of a cat, but isn't a cat?
A: A zombie baby (eating a cat).

# Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because the zombie baby ate its head.

# Q: What's 18 inches long, pink, red and yellow and makes women scream all night?
A: A zombie baby chomping the head off the family parakeet.

# Q: What's the difference between unloading a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of zombie babies?
A: The bowling balls don't try and bite off your fingers when you unload them.

# Q: What's the difference between a zombie baby and a bowling ball?
A: A bowling ball can't eat it's weight in human brains.

# Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun being eaten by zombie babies.

# Q: What's red and gray and splashes?
A: A zombie baby playing in a puddle of brains.

# Q: How do you talk a zombie baby out of eating an elephant's brain?
A: You can't; they go in one ear and out the other.

# Q: What's cuter than a zombie baby?
A: A zombie baby with a bunny head in its mouth.

# Q: Whats funnier than a zombie baby?
A: A zombie baby in a clown suit.

# Q: What's red, and covered in ribbons?
A: Zombie baby playing in intestines.

# Q: What has 2 arms, 2 legs and 2 heads?
A: A zombie baby eating a human head.

# Q: What's white and red and wears rubber gloves?
A: A doctor being eaten alive by a zombie baby.

# Q: What is black and white and red and as hard as a rock?
A: A zombie baby beating a priest to death with a rock.

# Q: What's green, blue, red, and tastes funny?
A: A zombie baby eating a clown.


http://everything2.com/title/Zombie%2520Baby%2520Jokes (http://everything2.com/title/Zombie%2520Baby%2520Jokes)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 28, 2009, 08:58:28 AM
Time for bed its 12am in uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 28, 2009, 09:51:47 AM
The Witching hour.

Tommy's not a pumpkin!

Good thing. This Forum doesn't need anymore Cucurbitas* around here.....



*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cucurbita (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cucurbita)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 28, 2009, 10:25:18 AM
Goodnight Tommy!!!

Helloooo Tello.  Don't know what time of the day it is where you are.  All I know is that the US is wayyyyy behind OZ time.  he he.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 28, 2009, 10:40:48 AM
All I know is that the US is wayyyyy behind OZ time.  he he.


Aussie snob!

This is the sort of noise that starts wars.





C):-{= <" go to your room. clean it. and when yer done, work on that attitude, little lady.... "<<
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 28, 2009, 10:57:22 AM
Did I mention that it's Happy Hour in Montello?

It's true.


(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/IMG_0905.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 28, 2009, 11:14:46 AM
Did I mention that it's Happy Hour in Montello?

It's true.


(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/IMG_0905.jpg)

So where's ma drink????

 :wine: :filenails: :quack:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 28, 2009, 11:26:09 AM
On the other thread.

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/download-15.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 28, 2009, 12:25:26 PM
Tello, what time is it in the US right now?  So we know when to expect the fall out of happy hour?....It's lunch time here for christ sake....give it another 30 mins so I can grab a quick counter lunch...... and I'll shout you a beer.

Fluffee duck for you fluff?  or will ye be having a shandy luv?....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 28, 2009, 12:34:41 PM
Fluffy duck if ya have one Cupie.  I'll scull it when I finish cleaning my room.   ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 28, 2009, 12:56:20 PM
I'll scull it when I finish cleaning my room.

That's a Dearie!



C):-{= <" http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/condescending (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/condescending) "<<


Main Entry:
    condescending
Function:
    adjective
Date:
    1660

: showing or characterized by condescension : patronizing
— con·de·scend·ing·ly Listen to the pronunciation of condescendingly \-?sen-di?-l?\ adverb



(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/Zombies%20Horror/download-20.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 28, 2009, 01:00:23 PM
Tello, what time is it in the US right now?

After Happy Hour.
7:57 PM at time of this posting. Monday. (I know I know. Cool it. You got Winter, remember? Ha Ha!)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 28, 2009, 05:39:22 PM
Goodmorning..its  8.30 am in the UK..and its 5.30 pm there...im at my breakfast when your getting your tea
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 28, 2009, 06:33:44 PM
Hey up everybody...been drizzling in Cairns for 3 days...doing wonders for me garden.

Is also perfect weather for snuggling up with me little dawg on the sofa and watching dvds.

Gonna have me supper now, so will pop back in a bit later.

IMG]http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Image0476.gif[/IMG]

Tuesday 28 July

Possible overnight rain.

Weather will be fine during the day.

Head out to the clear tropical waters of the Great Barrier Reef.

Low 17 °C   High 28 °C
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 28, 2009, 06:35:39 PM
Wot happened to me Coconut Tree?

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Image0476.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Bazinga on July 28, 2009, 06:41:32 PM
Hi ya Lyn its been awhile
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 28, 2009, 07:10:53 PM
Hiya Hawk (doesn't sound right calling ye a nightie).

Am currently in the kitchen cooking supper...seems to be taking me forever tonight!

Mebbe if me email thingy didn't keep beeping "New Mail" I'd finally get to eat!

Gonna have another go now...catch up with ye later darlin xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Bazinga on July 28, 2009, 07:13:39 PM
Tuern down the sound and you wont know you have a new message to read  ;D

Take care
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 28, 2009, 07:39:46 PM
ok! microwave has "pinged"...so off to eat me supper.

Catch up with ye all tomorra folks xxxx

(http://[IMG]http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/zzzzzsmiley.gif)[/img]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 28, 2009, 11:14:47 PM
G'day Loopy, Tommy and Hawkey!!!   :-*

Tello, you've finally gone to sleep!!!  Has happy hour finished or has happy hour finished you off?  he he.  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Centuries on July 29, 2009, 12:41:40 AM
(http://i975.photobucket.com/albums/ae234/acaciame/hangover.jpg)







 :evillaugh:

:hide:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 29, 2009, 01:38:11 AM
Its 4.30pm here in the uk.......................................
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 29, 2009, 02:00:08 AM

Back to the good old days! It is estimated that by Christmas (if the current trend is to be believed), 20 million people will be affected by swine flu in the United Kingdom. The main distributor of the virus is almost definitely supermarkets all claim to give you something extra!

When most of the population of the UK uses a supermarket at least once a week, possibly more than 20 million people file past checkouts, and it would only take one person to sneeze, then and the virus would be passed on!

This situation is proving to be a death knell for these superstores as shoppers are reluctant to buy their groceries and run the risk of contagion. Even the 'buy one, get one free' offers can no longer tempt people because it could easily end in their death.

There is now a plethora of small shops opening up and selling more specific goods just like it was in the good old days. Bakers, who have always kneaded the dough, have used their loaves and opened up some small bakeries. Meanwhile, butchers were trying to save their bacon in old-fashioned market stalls even though the steaks might be high! Even greengrocers were very eager to show off their plums, melons, beans and cucumbers. In fact bells were ringing across all the old market towns in Britain - and these weren't just church bells they were also till bells.

One such trader, Granville Arkwright from Bolton, told In Seine News: "Since news broke of swine flu we have seen business go absolutely ballistic - now we are open all hours and have seen our profits go up by 200%. My poor Grandad is rushed off his feet. And at the rate things are going, we shall have to by a new doorbell and get a new till - it is just constant. It looks under the like the supermarket is dead and it's a case of for whom the Bell tills!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious...and I put in on here for a laugh  yours Tommy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 29, 2009, 08:05:15 AM
Morning Tommy...wow are we keeping you up past your bedtime these days or what?  LOL...keep this up and you'll be sure to take out the Last Word championship.  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 29, 2009, 08:57:30 AM
Hi cupie its 12am in uk am away to bed.. see you at 8.30am uk time..which is 5.30pm oz time
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 29, 2009, 05:26:56 PM
Hi im back ..its 8.30am here..Goodmorning everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 29, 2009, 05:34:44 PM
Morning Tommy....just about to go have a shower so I'll be back in a little while..don't go nowhere...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 29, 2009, 06:21:05 PM
*waits for Cupie to get outta shower*

*ah-ha*

*Gotcha*

[img(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/14Feb-Tarzan.jpg)][/img]

*runs to kitchen to hide*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 29, 2009, 06:22:43 PM
*must learn how to post gifs PROPERLY on here*

Tis Tucker Time at my place...BBL xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 29, 2009, 06:25:05 PM
Hi Lynnie...out of shower, already half way through me home made Hamburger and Chips...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 29, 2009, 06:42:35 PM
it took an hour to get a shower..you must have a big body to wash..ha.ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 29, 2009, 06:53:10 PM
Na Tommy...can't put weight on a thoroughbred....but I do like em long and hot...showers that is...hehehehe.

 I had to cook the hamburger and chips after I had me shower, so needless to say ...it took a little while...but vewy Yummy.....can't wait till summer in oz...back to seafood, salads and fruit...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 29, 2009, 07:01:57 PM
Ok cupie      .....A worman journalist was preparing to be flogged 40 times in Khartoum on Wednesday for wearing "indecent" clothes, with 10 women already whipped for similar offences against Islamic law. Skip related content
Related photos / videos Hussein writes for the left-wing Al-Sahafa newspaper and works for the media department …More Enlarge photo Lubna Ahmed al-Hussein, who writes for the left-wing Al-Sahafa newspaper and works for the media department of the United Nations Mission in Sudan, was arrested in Khartoum earlier this month after being caught wearing trousers.

"I received a telephone call from the authorities saying I must appear at 10 am (0700 GMT) on Wednesday in front of the judge," Hussein told AFP on Tuesday.

"It is important that people know what is happening," Hussein said in an invitation to journalists to attend her court appearance and flogging.

"They will lash me 40 times, and also fine me 250 Sudanese pounds (100 dollars)."

Hussein said she was at a restaurant on July 3 when police came in and ordered 13 women wearing trousers to follow them to the police station.

Ten of the women were summoned to a police station two days later and were lashed 10 times each, according to Hussein, who wears a hijab or Islamic headscarf.

The women whipped earlier this month included some from animist and Christian south Sudan where the Muslim north's Islamic or sharia law does not apply.

Police have also cracked down on another woman journalist, Amal Habbani, after she wrote an article condemning Hussein's treatment.

Habbani wrote an article for Ajrass Al-Horreya newspaper following the arrests entitled "Lubna, a case of subduing a woman's body."

"I am waiting for a decision," Habbani told AFP after she was charged with defaming police, a charge which can carry a fine of up to several hundred thousand dollars.

The Arabic Network for Human Rights Information said the charge against Habbani stemmed from her claim that Hussein's arrest was "not about fashion but a political tactic to intimidate and terrorise opponents."

Unlike many other Arab countries, particularly in the Gulf, women have a prominent place in Sudanese public life. Nevertheless, human rights organisations say some of Sudan's laws discriminate against women.
Will see you later cupie.......
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 29, 2009, 07:05:31 PM
Heavy stuff Tommy....*glad I don't live there*

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/bye.gif) for now !!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 29, 2009, 07:22:19 PM
ok! My pc man has made his last phone call of the day (I hope) and left me with a mob of instructions to email to Nokia tomorra.

Am starv-a-rating...so am away to eat me supper.

Gotta luv ye & leave ye for now xxxx

But first...still trying to work this gif thingy:

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/14Feb-racistdog.jpg)

(WOT HAPPENS WHEN I TAKE ME LIL DAWG FOR A WALK)...oops! sorry...caps...norty!

Code fixed by Admin, your helpful neighbourly code-busters. Who ya going ta call?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 29, 2009, 07:24:01 PM
booger! LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN!

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/14Feb-racistdog.jpg)

And again - fixed by Code-Busters.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 29, 2009, 07:25:04 PM
aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  enuff for tonight!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 02:29:57 AM
Its 5.30 pm in the uk......A young girl comes home from school
"Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy Mommy!" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"

She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"

"No Honey, Its because you're 24."
 
 
 
 
   
 
     
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 03:55:27 AM
Its 7pm here in uk......
Three women worked at NASA. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.
They were all arguing about where they should go next.
The redhead said that they should go to Mars. The brunette said that they should go to the moon.
For a while they started to argue loudly. The blonde couldn't take it anymore.
She said, "Stop it! I know where we should go."
"Where?" they asked.
"We should go to the sun."
The other two started to laugh. "We would burn up before we even got there!"
The blonde replied, "Not if we go at night. Duh!"
 
« 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 04:09:54 AM
 
A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of Amercia Presidents balls in my hand
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 04:23:26 AM
There was a blonde and a brunette at a bar watching the ten'o clock news, and there was a man at the edge of a cliff about to jump off.

The brunette said, "I bet you fifty dollars that he will jump."

The blonde said, "Ok".

They both put there money on the bar. The man jumped off, so the brunette took the money and said, "Do you know how I knew he was going to jump?"

The blonde said, "How".

The brunette said, "I saw the five'o clock news."

The blonde said, "So did I, I just didn't think he would jump again.".................. Hope this put a smile on your faces,, from Tommy.........
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 04:24:48 AM
THREE :evil: :evil: :evil:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 04:26:03 AM
TWO  :evil: :evil:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 04:27:14 AM
ONE  :evil:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 04:28:29 AM
  400 Snipe... :yess: :yess: :yess:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 30, 2009, 04:54:03 AM
Hello Tommy you snipester!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 30, 2009, 08:54:51 AM
Hi Fluff Hi Tommy...hey I just noticed that Tommy took that snipe out in the wee smalls when 'MOST' good Aussies (except Fluffy et al) are in bed asleep.   too easy....we'll be ready fer ya next time Tommy me boy !!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 30, 2009, 05:25:18 PM
Thanks to Mr/Ms Fixit for sortin me gifs...must study that bit!

*rushes in to try to beat old Tommy*

 (http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/FightingLeprechaun.jpg)


Just away to check me emails folks xxxx.....BBL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 30, 2009, 05:31:12 PM
Hi Lynn...tommy's running late today...we must be keeping him up too late...how is ya..slow day today....not much happening, have a sore tooth..hate dentists.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 05:47:40 PM
Hi everyone..cupie go and get the tooth fixed ..its 8.50am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 30, 2009, 05:51:52 PM
Speak of the Oirish devil......Hi Tommy....When I think of dentists.....this scene comes to mind.....

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/marathon-man-olivier_l.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 30, 2009, 05:54:09 PM
What's the drill?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 05:55:43 PM
I suffer pain to long then i go to dentist....Hi countessa
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 30, 2009, 06:04:17 PM
Hiya Cue xxxx

Hiya Contessa xxxx

Hiya Tommy xxxx

*was terrified of dentists all me life, so about 10 years ago had most of them out, and new-fangled ones implanted*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 30, 2009, 06:11:07 PM
Now that sounds like a plan Lynn  ...and countess....what's your point?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 06:11:53 PM
Lynns like a jumping bean..I talk to her in uk and she is in oz
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2009, 06:13:44 PM
Ok cupie and lynn am away back to uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 30, 2009, 06:14:54 PM
Yep Cue...they're great...out at night and back in next morning.

*should scare the daylights outta any would-be rapist*.


Tommy...can't help meself...everything is 100 mph with me.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 30, 2009, 06:16:51 PM
LMAO at Lynn.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 30, 2009, 06:25:43 PM
I was just filling in time with a little transcen-dental meditation here, but I noticed you capped my comment...!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 30, 2009, 06:26:44 PM
Oh the Pain, the Pain !!!
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/lostinspace202.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 30, 2009, 07:06:35 PM
Tucker Time here folks, so gotta go.

Will pop in tomorra morning after I've answered me emails.

<a href="http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/?action=view&current=zzzzzsmiley.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/zzzzzsmiley.gif" border="0" alt="zzzzzzzz">[/url]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 30, 2009, 07:26:47 PM
What is this all about?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 31, 2009, 08:24:43 AM
http://www.free-stuff.co.uk/Free_Screen_Cleaner.swf          Free screen cleaner..its 11.30 pm in the uk and 8.30am in oz
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 31, 2009, 08:49:44 AM

http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf
This is a new cursor for cupie... no one else click on to this link ..its private for cupies eyes only................................
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 31, 2009, 08:50:47 AM
G'Day Tommy.  ;D

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 31, 2009, 08:53:34 AM
Hi fluffy... its 12.00am here time for bed... im going to bed and your getting up now at 9.00am.... goodnight
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 31, 2009, 10:00:11 AM
This is a new cursor for cupie... no one else click on to this link ..its private for cupies eyes only................................

Yeah, right. There's no stopping anybody from peeking.

Man, I can play that melon all day!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 31, 2009, 10:39:52 AM
This is a new cursor for cupie... no one else click on to this link ..its private for cupies eyes only................................

 :blush:......I think it's more Tello's style actually.....lmao.  He could be amused by that for hours....wouldn't post again  nup.......just gawk at the cursor and dribble....lol

Stay away from that link Boys...I warns ya......it's like a creeping boobiala....yikes.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 31, 2009, 10:46:53 AM

http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf
This is a new cursor for cupie... no one else click on to this link ..its private for cupies eyes only................................

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

I restrained myself from peeking as per Tommy's instructions.  However after seeing Cupie's blushes, I had to look.  lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 31, 2009, 10:50:59 AM
Hi Fluffy...you just watch how many of the boys have to take a look...???...they're boys....still looking for that extra female chromosome (the missing bit.....hehehehe).  It looks like a nipple possessed...lmao

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on July 31, 2009, 11:24:43 AM
Morning all,

You made me look too   ;D  First reaction was to check over my shoulder to make sure nobody saw the screen, and I'm alone in the house!  :pmsl:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 31, 2009, 11:46:38 AM
 :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: @ wheels....don't think you'd be too good at voyeurism then....lol...wonder how many of the boys will admit to peaking?  For extended periods of time...wonder how many are pressing on the bookmark this link function?...mmmhhhh?????.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on July 31, 2009, 12:21:10 PM
I haven't looked. *virtuous expression*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *barny* on July 31, 2009, 12:47:31 PM
New mouse required please.

Old one melted...

 :wine:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on July 31, 2009, 03:17:24 PM
Anyone notice that Yib is not here?

Hmmm....I wonder what he's doing?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 31, 2009, 03:25:56 PM
Anyone notice that Yib is not here?

Hmmm....I wonder what he's doing?




I don't go international... I only eat home grown.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 31, 2009, 04:16:42 PM
Goodmorning everyone..I hope I put a smile on your faces...Its 7.15am in uk...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 31, 2009, 04:54:59 PM
Hi Tommy... ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 31, 2009, 05:30:32 PM
Hi cupie  its 8.30 am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 31, 2009, 05:36:45 PM
Almost dinner time here Tommy...I'm doing the happy dance because we're finally getting a tarred road, and woppee...curb and guttering...how modern eh?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 31, 2009, 05:52:52 PM
If I came over for dinner Cupie, you'd have tarred and feathered.  lol

Hi Tommy!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 31, 2009, 05:59:59 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/Boo.gif)

Where is everybody...having brekky or having dinner?

 :rofl: - Yibida would enjoy that too much Fluff.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 31, 2009, 06:04:20 PM
Almost forgot......New Bus for Tello.....on the bus sunshine....hehehe....ooh...we could call it the Montello Booze Bus....Wonder if they have them in the US?...Definitely not in the desert, what do ya reckon?  There's no booze buses in the Australian desert...the cops are all at the pub...lol

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/fvbus.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on July 31, 2009, 07:21:26 PM
Hiya Gang xxxx

Just popping in to say Goodnight...been a busy week, and I'm ready to crash out and watch Friday night footy.

See ye all tomorra xxxx

<a href="http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/?action=view&current=zzzzzsmiley.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/zzzzzsmiley.gif" border="0" alt="zzzzzzzz">[/url]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 31, 2009, 07:33:12 PM
OK Lynnie...we'll See ya later  !!!

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/eyeflash.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on July 31, 2009, 08:26:10 PM
Fishing In Australia.......

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/11.gif)



                                   (http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/fishswim.gif)                        
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 01, 2009, 04:09:51 AM
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pick it up, pull out the pin, and throw it back.
.............................................................................its 7.00pm in uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 01, 2009, 11:16:02 AM
Good morning, Tommy - have you seen the BBC series "The Irish RM"?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 01, 2009, 11:31:52 AM
Morning all.  11.31 here Tommy.   ;D

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 01, 2009, 05:59:13 PM
No countessa...its 9.00am here fluffy..hi cupie
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on August 01, 2009, 06:09:10 PM
Hi Tommy....What's happenin?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 01, 2009, 06:19:18 PM
Not much cupie..rain .rain..and more rain...am away back to uk ..see you there..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on August 01, 2009, 06:33:43 PM
Hi Tommy....not much of a summer with all that rain.....I may not drop into the UK thread tonight....early start this morning, and I'm pretty tired, but I'm sure Countess and a few of the others will stop by during your morning, and our evening...Cheerio
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 01, 2009, 07:02:39 PM
Hello Vegemites et al xxxx

Cupie...my footy team is about to start  playing (AFL tonight)...last night was NRL, and my team won that one.

Just gotta wash up me supper dishes, and I'm away to join "Irish" dawg on the sofa for a coupla hours.

She hates footy coz I tend to yell a bit when sumthin excitin happens...gives me one of "those looks" then she goes back to sleep.

See ye tomorra folks xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 01, 2009, 07:15:08 PM
Hello, Lynn, hello, Tommy -  :chef: (I think it's dinner time.)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on August 01, 2009, 07:37:24 PM
Yep Dinnertime it is.....Just put some Chicken and Mushroom Vol au Vents in the oven....and risotto on the stove, being watched by hungry other half....Yum.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on August 01, 2009, 10:37:29 PM
It has just gone past 10.30pm here in Melbourne and I have not long ago come home from Church.
 :angel:

Lil Roo celebrated her Confirmation tonight and was a great evening.

I'd love to show you a pic of her....but she's only a kid....so I'll show you a pic of her new boots she wore tonight instead! :green:

(http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f15/redeyerats/Oztion042.jpg)

Hope that's not too big!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on August 01, 2009, 10:59:39 PM
Oh!...And I just gotta say....

GO PIES!

(http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f15/redeyerats/Oztion042.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on August 01, 2009, 11:10:13 PM
Ooops!   That should be....

GO PIES!
(http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e104/maddiemoo246/magpies.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 02, 2009, 09:58:37 AM
Congratulations on her Confirmation! And those are extremely elegant-dangerous boots.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 02, 2009, 10:01:01 AM
Now let's not forget to post on the UK boards - I know it can be tiresome with the long loading time and the frequent page errors, but persistence achieves almost anything.

(At least the UKers still have the old design which, faulty as it is, is still many leagues ahead of the cumbersome and clumsy and awful design used for the AU forums. I make no apologies for my assessment of the AU design. It's atrocious.)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 02, 2009, 10:42:29 AM
Good Morning to me Oz mates xxxx

About to start me "Sunday Chores" on me lappy...takes about 90 mins, so will be lunchtime when I finish.

Keeps me pc happy (and "Man Friday", of course) and I know tis all cleaned up ready for the following week.

I usually read the Sunday paper while it's "doing its thing", so no time wasted.

See ye later today folks xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **cupie** on August 02, 2009, 10:59:17 AM
Morning Lynn......We were talking about Printed Newspapers the others day, and the debate on whether they will be phased out....LMAO...you can just imagine people on trains during the week, or on a sunny balcony, with their laptops and coffee rather than flipping through the Daily rag yes?.....nup....it's a veritable ritual.....so I don't think they're gonna get rid of printed newspapers in a hell of a hurry, until the older generation is gone.....the youngens seem to like having some form of technology in their face, or ear every second of the day, so it probably won't be a great loss for them.....

Found a newbie for ya Lynn.....Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find a handsome Prince !!

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/1068-003-05-1040.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 02, 2009, 11:37:16 AM
Now let's not forget to post on the UK boards

I can't, remember? My terminal sanction is International.

(Sure wish I could, again. I did once...)


C):-{= <" face it tello...yer not good enuff for ebay... "<<
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 02, 2009, 12:19:49 PM
All right, Tello - you tell us what you'd like to say, and possibly we can say it for you. It could be a special Tellocast.

And in the meantime, I'm being deliberately lazy today after a very stressful and upsetting week. I've got to investigate English politics a little more; some of the things I read on the UK forums take me by surprise.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 02, 2009, 06:06:50 PM
oooh! You are brave Contessa...I keep out of UK politics...hard to believe, but they sound worse than ours.

Me muvver always warned me:

"Never discuss Religion, Politics, or Sex".

Have managed to keep outta the first 2, but like to add me 2 bob's worth to the last one!

<a href="http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/?action=view&current=14Feb-sexworker.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/14Feb-sexworker.jpg" border="0" alt="Sex Worker">[/url]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 02, 2009, 06:08:30 PM
awww...no gif again! TESTING.....

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/14Feb-sexworker.jpg)

or...if that didn't work.....

http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/14Feb-sexworker.jpg

EDIT: Fixed again by Code-Busters. Who ya goin' ta call?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 02, 2009, 06:10:56 PM
*stamps feet*

*shouts swear words*

*makes Valium sandwich*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 02, 2009, 06:38:34 PM
Whats up lynn ..did your football team lose..Hi everyone...its 9.30 am.in uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 02, 2009, 06:50:50 PM
Lynn, I'll research English politics, but I'll try to be careful not to say too much!

Hello, Tommy, greetings to you... I've been watching that series I mentioned: The Irish R.M. Gorgeous character-full Ireland.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 02, 2009, 06:57:11 PM
All right, Tello - you tell us what you'd like to say, and possibly we can say it for you. It could be a special Tellocast.

Please don't bother. Show them to my lame website & be done with it.

The last thing I need is non-Drumming Limeys clogging up my Inbox...LOL.

(Unless I can replace Ringo Starr.....)


Can't I just hook-up with Loopy, run away together and live like desert rats???

That Valiant sandwich sounds appealing!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 03, 2009, 04:41:32 AM
ITS 7.40pm in the uk...just passing through..see you 8.30am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 03, 2009, 08:36:54 AM
its 11.30pm and im away to bed
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 03, 2009, 09:33:57 AM
Night Tommy.....we're just starting the day shift....lol....sorry I haven't been over the UK thread...I get a tad sick of being trolled over there by the Ebay au misfits, so best not to feed the trolls.....let em starve I say....hehehehe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 03, 2009, 05:02:19 PM
Goodmorning cupie..its 8.00am in uk and we in Ireland are getting rain.rain..and rain
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 03, 2009, 05:09:56 PM
Hi  Tommy it's nearly dinner time here...and it's been a bonza beautiful day here....20 degrees...last month of winter.....Springs coming early...Lynn must be enjoying the same if not better weather at the moment.....They get a LOT of rain up where she lives...but it's tropical...makes ya feel like a Pina Colada ....lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 03, 2009, 05:37:56 PM
Swine Flu call centre..
I don’t envy Rachel. Three weeks ago, she graduated with a First from one of Britain’s best universities. Now she finds herself working in one of the most unappealing jobs in the country – the late shift at the Swine Flu call centre (1pm to 11pm). I spoke to her yesterday evening, and asked what it was like manning the phones at Pandemic HQ. She’s a chatty girl:

“It’s ridiculous. In a five hour shift I answered the phone four times. Altogether there are about 400 of us in this newly organised centre - we’re all being paid £6 an hour, and we’re practically doing nothing. We sit around reading magazines, and every hour or so the phone rings and we get out the script. The lengthy disclaimer comes first, then it’s: “Do you need an ambulance?”, followed gradually by the tamer questions about coughs and headaches.

“But I kid you not, Will. I had a guy who rang up and said he’d been feeling ill, so had contacted the helpline in the morning and been prescribed Tamiflu. His Mum went to collect it. Meanwhile, he had a nap and afterwards felt much better, so he was ringing up to say he didn’t need the drug, and what should he do with it? Seriously! He had a peaky afternoon, so he ordered in the anti-virals.

“What terrifies me is that none of us in the centre has any medical training whatsoever. There’s a lot of bullshit in our handbook about us being specially selected, but actually I just filled in a form and was given the job the next day without an interview. Because of this, I’m obviously worried we’re giving out Tamiflu to people who don’t really need it. If there was a real Swine Flu pandemic, a lot of the people we speak to would be ****** – having already taken their dosage for a cold, they won’t be allowed it again. Another concern is that basically people convince themselves that Tamiflu is preventative…

“It strikes me that the government has set up this helpline as an insurance policy. But it’s wasting huge amounts of money. I’ve heard there are 1,500 of us all over the UK working almost non-stop. We’re giving out Tamiflu to people who are panicking because of what they’ve seen on the news, all basically so the NHS can say it’s doing its very best. I don’t blame pregnant women, the elderly, parents of young children – of course, they are genuinely terrified of a pandemic. But the other day a guy rang up complaining about a mild headache. I felt like saying, “hang up the phone, take a paracetemol, and get the hell back to work.”

There you have it: Britain at its very worst. Whinging hypochondriacs and an over-the-top, expensive government initiative which is only fueling the Swine Flu hype. One more thing: it was interesting to hear from Rachel that the centres receive hardly any calls during the evening and at weekends, but that during working hours they are inundated. Oh, and guess when the peak time for calls is? Yup, Monday morning - the 9am shift, she told me, is an absolute killer.

Tags: Hypochondria, NHS, Pandemic, swine flu, Swine Flu helpline, Tamiflu
This was in the TELEGRAPH newspaper
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 03, 2009, 06:22:52 PM
Tommy...just a few words would suffice darlin xxxx

Me eyes & me brain go haywire readin long threads.

Hiya Cupie xxxx


QUESTION:  Do any of ye know Miss Dee from Oz Divas? Lovely Irish Lady.

WELL....tis her birfdy today, so have started a thread on RT UK...please pop in and wish her Happy Birthday if ye want!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 03, 2009, 07:50:28 PM
Hot shower time for me...then twinkle-toe in me slippers to bed, and watch a bit of teev.

Not puttin any more gifs on here till I learn how to do it properly, so sorry if ye wanted to 'nick' any.

Goodnight to all me Oz mates & Tommy xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 03, 2009, 10:21:21 PM
Goodnight Lynn..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 03, 2009, 10:35:56 PM
Hello Tommy and Lynn!!!!!!    ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 05:45:03 AM
I WON A MILLION POUNDS..Im a rich Irishman............                                                                                                       (http://www.euromillions.be)188 BELLING HAM ROAD,CATFORD, LONDON, SE6 1EJ UNITED KINGDOM********************* Dear Internet User. E-mail below agent to claim your prize. Today in our online version which was done using an internet database system which registered 15 Million emails your email emerged and drew as winner and have won the sum of £1,000,000GBP (one million pounds) in cash credited to file with REFERENCE NUMBER: UK/4920X2/68; BATCH NUMBER:EURO084/05/ZY360;SERIAL NUMBER: 090-598-1429; CLAIM DEPT S. A.MICKEY CAMBELLEmail: standardsecurity@courierdeliveryy.com Congratulations once again from all our staff. Mrs Concha Reyes. (Secretary)Euro Millions Board Promotions Managers.CATFORD, 2009
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 04, 2009, 05:02:53 PM
Hiya Gang xxxx

Now, before I start...could somebody please explain in REAL Engerlish/Orztralane how to add gifs from my Foto Flikit to my replies.

Just going into My Pictures to select a few for FF...the "snatchable" ones of course.

Back in about 30 mins...xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 04, 2009, 05:06:24 PM
Hello, Lynn - just before I head off through the insane traffic, you might want to look through THIS POST (http://www.ozroundtable.com/index.php?topic=81.msg5051#msg5051). Liisa's explained how to insert images here.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 05:14:40 PM
Lynn open PB and come back here...show you we can, help you we will..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 05:33:55 PM
Waiting, waiting, waiting....

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/ac846.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 05:46:47 PM
Hi cupie lynns with me helping me spend a million pounds..ha..ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 04, 2009, 05:48:19 PM
Ta Contessa...and sorry for delay Cupie...had to go thru 100's NAY 1000's of gifs to find wot I wanted.

OK...here goes (hope it works Liisa)

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/ShakeitBabylynn.gif)

Couldn't find any called URL, so lets see if this works!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 05:49:44 PM
Hi Tommy...I see Lynn's joined us...so with all this new found wealth, you can afford to pay for a few plane fairs so we can all come and visit you in the land of Blarney & Nod??  Where the wee people hide winning lottery tickets at the end of the cyber garden, and everything is bright and gay all day hooray....woops, got carried away.......lol.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 04, 2009, 05:52:09 PM
YAY!!! It finally worked!


and Tommy...no thanks...if I had a million quid/dollars I'd give it all away...couldn't handle the worry of that much money.

Hope ye're all havin fun here...better go back and say G'day on RT UK boards...they've probably got a few native trackers out lookin for me by now.

BBS XXXX
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 05:54:36 PM
Now you can have some fun....and we can pinch all the good gifs....but we were expecting more you know !!  Tease !!!......oh well...we'll have to declare another Gif war soon yes?  Sees ya Lynnie
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 05:57:02 PM
Cupie i see lynn put on a photo when she was a young woman..ha..ha...its 9 am in uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 05:59:30 PM
But the real question is Tommy...is she a natural red head?....

More importantly....... who really made haggis the Scots or the English?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 04, 2009, 06:02:56 PM
Cupie...just tried that one to see if it worked (have NOT had a lotta success with gifs on here)

Tommy...your watch is wrong...just going on 9am now.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Image0429.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 06:06:49 PM
My eyes are sore reading am away back to uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 06:08:57 PM
Hi Lynnie....to put a gif in

Go into your PB account and copy the 'Direct Link'.  

When you go into the 'Posting Screen'.....Just below the Change Colour pull down menu and directly below the italics button is a small framed landscape...press that and paste the direct link between the frames

like so.....

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/fishswim.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 04, 2009, 06:11:08 PM
Yep Cupie...I was born a redhead, but these days am now silvery-white...doesn't worry me, always wanted to be a blonde, and now can wear all shades of pink.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/22May-onlineshopping.jpg)


arrgghhhh!......... the dreaded grocery shopping! not online yet in Cairns, so have the weekly chore of (ho-hum) running around Woolies/Coles chucking stuff in trolleys.

With a bit of luck, I manage to run-down a few peeps in me way too (yabberin in the aisles).
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 06:13:12 PM
Lynns every were..Hi
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 06:15:52 PM
Countessa weres the Irish in you..(Of course, I speak as one who is not a convict, is of German/Dutch/French/Spanish descent, having been born in Australia,)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 06:19:02 PM
He's got ya there....hehehehe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 06:20:12 PM
Me Grandfather was Oirish !!!  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 06:21:51 PM
Most of oz is Irish
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 06:22:47 PM
 ;D :professor: :mob:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 06:23:41 PM
500 snipe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 06:25:08 PM
Yes :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:... and 2600 watchers thats  a snipe weres lynn
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 06:39:00 PM
So ordained by god himself to be sure to be sure !!!  After all, how else was England going to colonise a Country they didn't own....hehehehe

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/iii-hand-1.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 06:40:28 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/clap-animated-animation-clap-000340.gif)

Well Done tommy...Sniper extraordinaire.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 04, 2009, 06:45:02 PM
Oiiii!!! Wot's goin on here...was tryin to post for over 5 mins, then got "kicked out"

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/WalksOut.gif)


Be back after supper <if I can get past the bodyguard(s)>
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 06:49:37 PM
You'll have to ask Countess about that one Lynnie...maybe Tommy's done a deal with admin for the best snipes on this thread...???...lol

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 04, 2009, 06:52:32 PM
That Tommy! I'll sort him out (don't you worry about that).

C'm 'ere Tommy me lad

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/FightingLeprechaun.jpg)


*back to the kitchen*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 07:00:01 PM
Irish stew for you tonight Lynn
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 04, 2009, 07:04:51 PM
Nope! The last of the Chicken Soup tonight Tommy.

Just about to eat it now....want some?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 07:08:07 PM
Save me some am away to Age Concern
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 07:10:18 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/bye.gif)  Tommy...it must be time to get on with the day for you eh?  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 04, 2009, 07:25:32 PM
Lynn open PB and come back here...show you we can, help you we will..


(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_yoda-1.jpg) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/yoda-1.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 04, 2009, 07:39:57 PM
Hiya Yib xxxx

Goin to bed now to watch a bit of teev!.

Catch up with ye tomorra gang xxxx

(http://<a href="http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/?action-view&current=zzzzzsmiley.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/zzzzzsmiley.gif" border="0" alt="zzzzzzzz"></a>)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 04, 2009, 07:59:25 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/bye.gif) Lynnie...see ya tomorrow !!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Yoda on August 04, 2009, 08:04:37 PM
Lynn open PB and come back here...show you we can, help you we will..


(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_yoda-1.jpg) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/yoda-1.jpg)

Report you for baiting, I will

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 04, 2009, 09:30:22 PM
Lynn open PB and come back here...show you we can, help you we will..


(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_yoda-1.jpg) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/yoda-1.jpg)

Report you for baiting, I will








Hey!......ya little mushkin where ya bin?.........
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 04, 2009, 09:42:09 PM
Wow! Yib's got a new playmate!

Should be fun.

I'll watch.........
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2009, 11:41:04 PM
 3.30 pm in uk and 11.30 pm in oz..me heads going round and round
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 05, 2009, 08:56:54 AM
its 12am in the uk and 9am in oz and im going to bed
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 05, 2009, 09:02:48 AM
Lynn open PB and come back here...show you we can, help you we will..


(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_yoda-1.jpg) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/yoda-1.jpg)

Report you for baiting, I will




LMAO...it worked didn't it?.....hehehehe

Evening Tommy...just having me brekkie...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 05, 2009, 09:47:54 AM
9.46am and I'm busy doing horrible housework ,the day my husband cleans up after making a mess will be the day I win a million dollars  ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 05, 2009, 05:03:46 PM
8.00am..goodmorning everyone..i see its 5.00pm in oz
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 05, 2009, 05:06:09 PM
only 3pm where I am Tommy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 05, 2009, 05:06:31 PM
Hello Curry xxxx

Was just thinkin Tommy the Oirishman sounded like a "talking clock"...then along ye come telling us wot time it is too.

*is dreading "Daylight Saving" in all other States*

....and Hiya Gang xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 05, 2009, 05:07:31 PM
Hi Tommy...yep it's almost dinner time here..having bangers and mash with gravy and corn on the cob tonight.....boring I know, but quick and yummy.  Hi Lynn...see you've joined us...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 05, 2009, 05:15:57 PM
Hiya Cupie xxxx

Tonight's blackboard menu reads:

Sliced beef with finely chopped shallots & sliced onion in soy and port...served with

Cauliflower Au Gratin

Sebago Potatoes mashed and Carrots Julienne.

(made enuff to last me 3 days...should see the blerdy washing-up)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 05, 2009, 05:16:29 PM
Hi cupie..hi lynn..hi smee..lynn dont want to confuse people ..im eating me breakfast when your eating your dinner..now im confused
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 05, 2009, 05:27:21 PM
Yum Lynn, that sounds good. We're having leftovers  :(
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 05, 2009, 05:34:50 PM
Hiya Wheels...usually get this mad cooking spurt coupla times a week...love cooking, but could be a pain if just cooking for one.

So I solve that problem by making 3 meals at a time...only one big wash-up coupla times a week too.

Tommy...I'm confused most of the time, so fully understand others in same boat.

*should be ready for Alzheimers when it knocks on my door*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 05, 2009, 05:35:28 PM
 
A blonde girl just stepped into the bathtub when the doorbell rang.

"Who is it?"

"Blind man," came the response.

Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the tub without bothering to put on any clothes, grabbed her purse, and opened the door.

The man's jaw dropped and he stammered, "Wh-where do you want me to put these blinds, lady?"

 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 05, 2009, 05:40:26 PM
Hello to Tommy, Cupie and Lyn.

I'm not sure what I will be having for tea tonight 'cause I got food poisoning yesterday from something ate on Sunday and am still recovering. 

For those wondering, I was not the only one.  Pregnant neice has been hospitalised and many others effected.  The authorities are investigating.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 05, 2009, 05:44:13 PM
Hiya Fluffy xxxx

Sorry to hear your bad news...did ye all eat at the same place?

Looks like dry Sao biscuits & flat Lemonade for ye darlin xxxx

Keep us up-to-date on how yerself & others are doing eh?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 05, 2009, 05:50:17 PM
Hi lady fluffy hope you get better
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 05, 2009, 05:55:08 PM
Sounds awful fluffy...and Lynn...I remember my grandmother giving me the same thing....oooohhh...these days I'm not sure I'd eat and drink that unless me grandma was standing over me threatening bodily harm..lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 05, 2009, 06:04:47 PM
Cupie...it's still the best treatment (imo)...at least ye have sumthin inside ye to throw up.

A grated (peeled) apple was the other thing I forgot about.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 05, 2009, 06:16:09 PM
Yes we all ate at the same place.  It was a smorgasboard.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 05, 2009, 06:35:11 PM
But, I didn't even eat the Salmon Mousse !!!!

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/vii-i-am.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 05, 2009, 06:36:23 PM
Poor Fluffy...guess ye don't wana hear there's a Birthday Party on UK RT Fick Corner.

All welcome!(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/a%20Birthdays%20etc/BirthdayHUGE.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 05, 2009, 07:33:37 PM
Beddy-byes for me...party will have to go on without me.

Busy! Busy! Busy! today...and now have collapsed in a screaming heap (sort of).

Catch up with ye tomorra Gang xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/5Aug-Goodnight.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 05, 2009, 07:49:00 PM
the dishes are washed ,the house looks sparkling clean,just a bit of ironing to do ( hubby and 2 kids ),then maybe I might be able to put my feet up and have a nice cuppa before bed. ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 06, 2009, 04:31:19 PM
Goodmorning 7.30am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 04:33:25 PM


4.32 PM afternoon here Tommy......
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 06, 2009, 04:36:10 PM
All quiet..nice and sunny here..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 06, 2009, 04:36:49 PM
4:36...

But - what happens when the numbers stop?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 06, 2009, 05:00:01 PM
What numbers..stop...what you mean...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 06, 2009, 05:29:16 PM
Hiya Gang xxxx

Was gonna post some neat new gifs, but FotoFlukit is closed for maintenance.

Will be back later when I've got a few RL things sorted here.

 ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 05:36:34 PM
G'day Loopy. You got any GIF's depicting fishing, archery or shooting rifles & revolvers/pistols?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 06, 2009, 05:40:55 PM
G'day Loopy. You got any GIF's depicting fishing, archery or shooting rifles & revolvers/pistols?
Never mind shootin and fishin..weres the naked women..ha..ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 06, 2009, 05:44:57 PM
err...ummmm....nope!

*wonders if he's the newest Serial Killer*

*is afraid.......is very afraid*

Just wondering aloud if I should bring "Dirty Harry" from RT UK over here to help me out!

 :help: :phishing: :archer: :archer:

(Found these in your smiley section)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 06, 2009, 05:46:22 PM
G'day Tommy xxxx

Best I get back over the pond before I gets into trubble here!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 06, 2009, 06:16:37 PM
Was gonna post some neat new gifs, but FotoFlukit is closed for maintenance.

Pb IS down!

word!



C):-{= <" that aint no good in my book.... "<<
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 06, 2009, 06:18:43 PM
Hi Lynn time to go to Age Concern...see you all later
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Liisa-Sx on August 06, 2009, 06:57:20 PM
G'day Loopy. You got any GIF's depicting fishing, archery or shooting rifles & revolvers/pistols?

(http://www.clipartof.com/images/emoticons/xsmall2/711_smiley_shooting_rifle.gif)

(http://www.clipartof.com/images/emoticons/xsmall2/696_laser_shooting_smiley.gif)

(http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc24/Beeconk/gifs/730_machine_gun_shooting_smiley.gif)

(http://i128.photobucket.com/albums/p179/alleykat_photos/699_smiley_shooting_a_rifle.gif)

(http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll149/squal179/smiley/725_gangster_shooting_a_machine_gun.gif)

(http://i265.photobucket.com/albums/ii229/EntropyUnlimited/Forum%20Smilies/748_angry_smiley_shooting.gif)

(http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u55/BJ_BOBBI_JO9/Sports%20and%20activities%20and%20actions%20games%20related/trap-shooter.gif)

(http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg255/XD45FAN/GIF%20Files/ShootingCowboySmiley.gif)

(http://www.clipartof.com/images/emoticons/xsmall2/290_animated_hunter_hunting_with_a_rifle.gif)

(http://www.freefever.com/animatedgifs/animated/gun2.gif)

(http://media.bigoo.ws/content/gif/professions/professions_20.gif)

(http://www.fishingsociety.org/naut002.gif)

(http://www.ogmoreriver.com/images/fisherman_boat.gif)

(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3155/3098162352_737bf9d798_o.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 06, 2009, 07:17:10 PM
(http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u20/drought666/fly.jpg)


(http://i438.photobucket.com/albums/qq103/ssik4evr/fisherman5.gif)

(http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c158/cobbweiser/fishing/bassfly.gif)

(http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m242/axiemeluv/Animation/People/fly_fishN.gif)

(http://i681.photobucket.com/albums/vv174/jodideanfamilyphotos/FISHING/fishing10.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 07:29:00 PM
Liisa & Smee. Brilliant GIF's. It would be good if someone with the knowledge could add them to our GIF board.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 07:33:33 PM
Loopy. Don't be afraid unless you see me heading your way with a length of rope. Everyone should be afraid if I'm in their territory with my faithful rope.
      :keelhaul:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 06, 2009, 07:39:19 PM
(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6Aug-WTF.jpg)


You lot are s-c-a-r-y !!!!

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6Aug-pctoilet.jpg)

Just changed me pooter chair...dont wanna kak me pants!

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/5Aug-Goodnight.jpg)

Grabs me dawg and heads for me bed!

*hides under doona*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 07:48:34 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/11-1.gif)

Fishing Aussie style - You're the bait...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 07:50:48 PM
Never take a knife to a gun Fight....I's ready fer ya Ubb......Commence a shootin

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/19Feb-doublebarrell.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 07:52:00 PM
That's a ripper Cupie.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 07:54:54 PM
This is for Tommy.

Darwin (Northern Territory, Australia) Road Sign
My advise is, ignore the sign.


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 07:59:43 PM
That's a ripper Cupie.

I pinched the gunfighter off Lynnie.....hehehehe......da gif burglar strikes again...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 08:01:09 PM
Keep pinching them Cupie. Is it possible to whack them on our Smiley/GIF board?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 08:03:47 PM
Ubb, it already takes two days to load you realise.....???
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 08:11:16 PM
I didn't know that. Does it cost money?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 08:16:23 PM
lmao...no...I mean with dial up...meaning don't we already have enough bloody emoticons?...lol...costs nothing but time.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 08:17:37 PM
We can never have enough emoticons. Keep em coming.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 08:19:53 PM
*groan*

Spoken like someone with Broadband...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:21:25 PM
(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/1209160717_others_43.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 08:26:11 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/poltergeist.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/poltergeist.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/poltergeist.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:27:02 PM
Dudes what have I missed ???
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 08:28:38 PM
Yib. you've missed lots of good fun all over the place.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:30:05 PM

I see....


Impressive...most impressive....Most Online Today: 22129. Most Online Ever: 1000,000,000 (April 25, 2009, 10:40:36 PM) ...we are infamous...LOLOLOL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 08:38:08 PM
A pretty non observant fisherman.

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 08:38:49 PM
Can anyone spot what is wrong in the picture above?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 08:39:37 PM
An even less observant diver....

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/59.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 08:41:45 PM
I like that one Cupie!
 (http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/00020345.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:47:42 PM
(http://www.homepagedaily.com/uploads/20070821/8873caef-a396-477e-8817-0727ca5f8fc7/funny%20animated%20gifs%2032.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:48:45 PM
(http://www.sportssmile.com/images/funny.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 08:48:51 PM
Did he win an Ipod?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 08:49:16 PM
We're gonna need a bigger boat !!!!

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/jaws.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:49:33 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/rollernun.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:50:10 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/seesaw.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:50:37 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/tower.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 08:52:41 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/funny_new_17.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:54:13 PM
(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/th_sexcartoon4.gif) (http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/sexcartoon4.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 06, 2009, 08:55:00 PM
some very good pict's there  :applause: :bunny:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:55:41 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/sept2.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:56:04 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/swing.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:56:39 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/sm1.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 08:56:58 PM
 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Lynnies gonna love the rollerskating nun Yib...Hi Curry.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:57:22 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/sm8.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 08:58:02 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/sm3.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:00:01 PM



Why would she like this one cupie?...is she a nun?.....


(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/rollernun.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 09:00:27 PM
All good stuff. I thought I'd change my avatar in case I need heavier firepower..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 09:04:05 PM
Don't know Yib....but I pinched this one off her recently....hehehe...runs off with cat eating mouse gif>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>hehehehe

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/nun.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/nun.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/nun.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:04:32 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/frosty.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:07:08 PM


Tello would love this one...he's a beaves & butt head fan....


(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/beavisbutthead01.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:08:06 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/virus.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:09:13 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/funny/eye_chart_out_of_focus_md_wht.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:09:58 PM
(http://www.mikesfreegifs.com/main4/christmas/santabad1.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 09:12:46 PM
Cool Dude

(http://)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/51.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 06, 2009, 09:22:48 PM
(http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s168/naynay36532/Funny%20animals/animal-1-1.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:23:11 PM
(http://i44.tinypic.com/vphjki.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:24:10 PM
(http://i39.tinypic.com/wmaut4.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 06, 2009, 09:24:23 PM
(http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l292/Jlilmama420/Comments/funny-3.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:24:56 PM
(http://img196.imageshack.us/img196/9927/ostrichvselephant.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 06, 2009, 09:26:25 PM
(http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u149/Margie077/New%20Pics2/New%20Pic3/funny_animals_pictures_01.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 06, 2009, 09:27:40 PM
Brilliant Yib. I broke up when I saw that. Stupid ostrich deserves punishment for having a go at the elephant.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 06, 2009, 09:31:51 PM
(http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b150/BabyTorres/Funny%20Stuff/animal.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 06, 2009, 09:34:06 PM
(http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh18/ehsherlock/icon82.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:36:26 PM
(http://i40.tinypic.com/mma7id.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 06, 2009, 09:37:13 PM
(http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f162/tfoochie/badhorse4ke.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:39:33 PM
(http://izismile.com/img/img2/20090409/gifs_02.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:40:12 PM
(http://izismile.com/img/img2/20090409/gifs_03.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:42:05 PM
(http://izismile.com/img/img2/20090409/gifs_12.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 06, 2009, 09:43:00 PM
(http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk197/Sheena_00/monkeysittinginfrontofatvgoingspaz.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:43:21 PM
(http://izismile.com/img/img2/20090409/gifs_20.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 06, 2009, 09:44:13 PM
(http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f210/Bane18/funnyanimal3.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 06, 2009, 09:44:59 PM
Hey guys.  Go easy on the red cordial!! lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:45:04 PM
(http://www.lolowned.com/funny-gifs/owned1.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 09:45:40 PM



Yeesssss Mummmmm.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 09:49:30 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/thread_direction.gif)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 09:59:53 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/Boo.gif)

Only Kidding.....carry on....who wants another red cordial ???
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 10:02:08 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/thread_direction.gif)

Giff bandit!

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 10:03:40 PM


(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/1985ibag-bennyhill-2.jpg)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/crosshairs.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 10:15:00 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/loonytunes-1.gif)       (http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/woohoo.gif)

Bring it on Green One..

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/agfunny61.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 10:19:01 PM


(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/dsp_i_am_with_stupid_copy.jpg)

             (http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/1985ibag-bennyhill-2.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 10:20:32 PM
(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/Borat-VeryNice.jpg)(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/highfive.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 10:24:31 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/70166Complaintgranade.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 10:31:10 PM
No....You must Mean .....

(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/dsp_i_am_with_stupid_copy.jpg)

                (http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/loonytunes-1.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 10:34:41 PM



Toshea and Check mate !...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 10:38:04 PM
HUH?  Go on......

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/7b4f_1-1.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 10:43:25 PM
(http://i237.photobucket.com/albums/ff99/artistrose/Text%20Graphics/8266537f11.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 06, 2009, 10:48:07 PM
LMAO

consider it nabbed...hehehehe

Gif War Announcement:  Cease Fire....bedtime for me...early start tomorrow....

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/1240.gif)

Don't wanna end up looking like this ....

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/1219.gif)

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/bye.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 06, 2009, 10:52:34 PM


Night cupie.......... 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 07, 2009, 04:14:24 PM
Goodmorning its 7.10am..I see everyone has been busy..great photos
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 07, 2009, 04:19:34 PM
Hi Tommy....yes we did have a gif war of sorts....had to turn in....early start this morning...*yawn*....Lynn should be along any time soon...lots of free gifs for her to grab......lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 07, 2009, 04:25:58 PM
Have you had a hard day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 07, 2009, 04:52:28 PM
Hiya Gang xxxx


'nicked' some great gifs this morning...ta very muchly!


Now I'm gonna have to revise me FotoFlukit so I can share a few with you guys.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/HeySexy.gif)

(That's me fave for guys who are pickin on me for no reason)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 07, 2009, 05:08:07 PM
Hi Lynn Hi tommy...yeah it was a hard day...but over now.....have to work again tomorrow though......that's life..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 07, 2009, 05:24:15 PM
Have been reading the threads..am away back to uk for breakfast..Lynn was filling her shoppin bag with photos of this thread
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 07, 2009, 06:17:17 PM
ssshhhh Tommy!

Found a new link...not tried it yet, but worth a go.

Have to chuck out some old gifs so I can post the newbies.

BBL xxxx

http://www.myspacesmileys.com/
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 07, 2009, 07:49:03 PM
Managed to get lost in FotoFlukit (do that quite often)...gone cross-eyed now.

Found a few gifs on that thread...wil sort them out tomorra.

Friday night Footie is on...Cowboys v Storm...hope Cowboys win.

Gonna lay on the sofa with me dawg and watch the game

Goodnight Everybody xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/gSleepOnSofa.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 08, 2009, 04:25:02 PM
Gee! tis quiet around here!

Only here for a little while, then back later xxxx


(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/8Aug-MonkeyHello.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 08, 2009, 04:26:44 PM
No its not ..Hi lynn..7 .25am in uk
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 08, 2009, 04:38:11 PM
hi tommy ,your day is just starting ,it is now 4.35 pm here ,will be soon time to start cooking tea, maybe a nice  ham omlette could be on the menu  ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 08, 2009, 08:13:37 PM
*Waves to Tommy, Lynn and Curry*

;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 08, 2009, 09:20:16 PM
hi to you fluffy , :stay: this is a nice friendly forum
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 08, 2009, 10:12:14 PM
Us Irish are nice Friendly people..Curry.....Hi Fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Centuries on August 09, 2009, 12:23:27 AM
Just popping in to say --

Hi. I like your hat :green:



(http://i975.photobucket.com/albums/ae234/acaciame/5132ed15.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 09, 2009, 09:27:27 AM
Hiya Gang xxxx

Online to do my Sunday Chores on pc (as per pc man's instructions)

And then out to sunny patio to read Sunday paper.

 :news:

Hope ye all have a great Sunday...catch up with ye about 5pm.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 09, 2009, 09:41:05 AM
Hi Lynn....sun is out today....so I'm off to do some gardening out on the front verge....we have a road being started on Monday, and all the ferns, native pigface, native orchids and gymea lillies growing out the front need to be moved so they don't get crushed...I've waited three years for me gymea lillies to get to maturity and nothing is going to cheat me of seeing them finally flower...they're magnificent...lol...mind you if we can't dig around them, we'll be asking Council to pick them up with the excavator and dump them in our driveway...rural council guys are more accommodating like that...lol.  They've just taken down 8 trees out the front and I scored a truck full of mulch for nothing.....exciting week, but we're gonna have construction going on for a month.....won't that be fun...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 09, 2009, 06:03:02 PM
Hi everyone 9.00am here and raining
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 09, 2009, 06:13:37 PM
HI TOMMY ,no rain here ,we sure could do with some ,the time is now 6.11pm and time to cook tonight's meal  :potstir:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 09, 2009, 06:39:43 PM
Hiya Curry et al xxxx

Am just off to the kitchen meself...lazy Sunday (well, been gardening most of the day), so am making a prawn omelette...just gotta chop up the (home-grown) chives, cook it, and eat it.

Like to have a lil rest after a meal, so will sit back with a glass of "wot's good for ye", and a fag.

Gotta have all me chores done before 7.30pm...Stephen Fry (my hero) in America is on ABC.

Sad that he's gay (well, sad for me that is)...really love his personality and wit.

....and a lil message from "Irish" dawg...

(http://<a href="http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/?action-view&current=22May-dogchasedtail.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/22May-dogchasedtail.jpg" border="0" alt="Chase Tail"></a>)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 09, 2009, 06:41:35 PM
Let's try with that gif again...think I know wot I did wrong!

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/22May-dogchasedtail.jpg)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 10, 2009, 04:32:20 PM
Goodmorning Lynn..cuppie..fluffy..curry its 7.30am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 10, 2009, 04:50:05 PM
Hello, Tommy my lovely Tommy - I've had a lot on my plate over the weekend.

A shocking wind tore through Melbourne on... was it Friday night? Thursday night? (At any rate, a shocking wind tore through Melbourne not long ago. The dogs next door howled like vacuum cleaners.)

I shall hie me over to the UK thread tonight.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 10, 2009, 04:59:09 PM
Goodmornin countessa
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 10, 2009, 05:11:25 PM
Hiya  Gang xxxx


...and Good Morning Tommy xxxx


(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Image0429.gif)

Just logged on...away to UK now to say Good Morning to them.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 10, 2009, 05:16:34 PM
hi tommy and everyone ,how are you today  :chocdip:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 10, 2009, 05:46:46 PM
hi lynn ..hi curry.. :party:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 10, 2009, 06:21:01 PM
Hiya Curry xxxx

YAY! looks like Tommy's in party mood!

(http://<a href="http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/?action-view&current=6Aug-HappyMan.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6Aug-HappyMan.jpg" border="0" alt="Happy Man"></a>)

*decides to put me bestest party outfit on and join in*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/ShakeitBabylynn.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 10, 2009, 06:23:10 PM
ooops! Tommy is nekkid!

*puts clothes on hime*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6Aug-TShirt.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 10, 2009, 11:37:08 PM
A big hello to Tommy, Lyn, Countess and Curry!!!!  *waves*

*also waves to the lurkers*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 11, 2009, 05:03:00 PM
Its 8.00am here ,,Goodmorning to you all
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 11, 2009, 05:03:56 PM
It's 5.00 pm here Tommy.  Grey and raining in Melbourne. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 11, 2009, 05:10:03 PM
Its 8.00am here ,,Goodmorning to you all


what,did you sleep in today tommy ?? ;D not done very much today ,I think I'm getting to be a bit lazy ,need a holiday I think  :yawn: :yawn:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 11, 2009, 05:12:49 PM
Hi Lady Fluffy..we have sunshine rain later..To busy reading the UK threads Curry,was up at 7.00am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 11, 2009, 05:17:58 PM
Goodmorning to Cupie and Lynn when they turn up
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 11, 2009, 06:28:11 PM
Hi Tommy...sorry I'm late....long day...and only just sat down...........We're hoping it ISN'T going to rain tomorrow, but don't like our chances...it's raining right now and we've just spent all day doing formwork......we scheduled a concrete truck for 8.30am to concrete and stamp the front patio.....

....and that's exactly why it's going to rain cats and dogs......arrrrggghhhh!!!!!  :tanty: :tanty: :tanty:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 12, 2009, 05:28:04 AM
 
An Aussie trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Kalgoorlie.

He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a burnt chop!

The Madam is astonished.

"But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal."

The trucker replies,

"Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny........ I'm homesick."
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 12, 2009, 09:25:37 AM
(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/17May-BeautifulDay.gif)

Hiya Gang...didn't make it online yesterday, and am off shortly to horse-piddle to pick up me pc man who is having a colonoscopy as I type.

From experience, know he'll be starving, so making a little sumthin for him to eat before we get a cab home.

See ye later this arvo xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 12, 2009, 09:31:03 AM
Hi Lynn.....see ya this arvy.....might have some new gifs you can pinch.....you better bring some new ones OK?....Yibs having a dummy spit because I keep pinching his gifs, but he keeps posting them, and pinching mine so what gif comes around, must also go around.....it's the circle of gifs......lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 12, 2009, 09:32:50 AM
Hiya Cupie...YEP! got some new gifs, so will do a "swap" with ye later today.

Better get ready in case I miss the next bus xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 12, 2009, 09:34:36 AM
OK darls.....have a good one....catch ya....anon !!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 12, 2009, 09:36:35 AM
Just noticed the bit about Yibs.....UK'er "Electric Mayhem Band" keeps nickin mine, so I keep nickin his.

Ye'd swear we had identical Foto Flukits!

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/5AugRunAway.jpg)

*gone*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 12, 2009, 09:50:13 AM
Hi Lynn...I've found some rippers lately..just waiting for the opportunity to drop them in when relevant....you only get one chance to use a good gif here, before it's taken hostage by a small martian creature......lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 12, 2009, 10:55:01 AM
Sorry, sorry - I haven't been feeling fantastic, and haven't been posting as much as I should.

*waves hello to all*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 12, 2009, 11:47:52 AM
hi contessa ,sorry to hear your not feeling so great ,take care .
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 12, 2009, 05:32:32 PM
Goodmorning..Lynn..Cupie..Curry..Countessa and everyone else...8.30am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 12, 2009, 05:35:51 PM
Hope ye're feeling better Contessa xxxx

Hiya Curry xxxx

Hi Tommy xxxx

*waits for Cupie to make an appearance*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/12Aug-tantrum-1.gif)

(above is an Oz tantrum...well, we are upside-down here ye know)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 12, 2009, 05:41:39 PM
  Get well soon Countessa..we miss you  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 12, 2009, 05:53:52 PM
why hullo again tommy ,glad to see you here ,I just woke up after having a little kip ,hope I sleep tonight .

g'day to you loopy xxxxxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 12, 2009, 05:55:36 PM
I also had a little "Nanna Nap" this arvo Curry...just an hour or so recharges my batteries.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 12, 2009, 06:05:01 PM
Nice sunny day and alls great so far      :mperror:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 12, 2009, 06:16:25 PM
So where did ye nick that gif tommy?

Bet ye make yours go upside-down.....hahahahaha

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/GoodLuckClover-1.gif)


(just off to the kitchen for a while...BBL)

 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 12, 2009, 06:54:44 PM
Above were you write your reply lynn..is a smiley..click on to    (more)     :google: :evillaugh: :dogrun: :angel: :hannibal: :monalisa: :shark: :welcome!: :beatles: :funaward: :busride: :lepink: :chocdip: :chocdip: :coffeecup: :coffeecup:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 12, 2009, 07:15:43 PM
ok Tommy...beeen there/done that!

Now wot I want ye to do is turn one of those smileys UPSIDE-DOWN....like this:-

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/7June-1-1.gif)


Away to have me supper...will check back shortly to see if ye have any luck.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6Feb-UpsideDown.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 12, 2009, 07:29:26 PM
Off to bed now...have taken all me meds, and off to watch teev from the comfort of me bed.

Goodnight everybody xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/5Aug-Goodnight.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 12, 2009, 07:38:50 PM
good night dear loopy ,sleep tight
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 12, 2009, 07:46:31 PM
Hey Countess, sorry to hear your not feeling very well. Get a can or two of Pepsi Max into you. Pepsi Max cures all known ailments & illnesses even the Ebola virus, which must be true as I've never had the Ebola Virus.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 12, 2009, 07:47:59 PM
Hey Loopy, feeling a bit tired eh. Throw a few cans of Pepsi Max down the throat, you won't want to sleep for months.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 12, 2009, 07:52:05 PM
 ;D
** This thread is sponsored by Ubbrd's Pluto Pups and Pepsi Max - Food to get you going! **


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 12, 2009, 07:58:23 PM
and going, and going ...

(http://i498.photobucket.com/albums/rr342/wheels2spin/bite_me_toilet.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 12, 2009, 07:59:07 PM
Good one Wheels, have a complimentary Pluto Pup & while you are there have a can of Pepsi Max, it's on the house, just tell them ubbrd sent you.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 12, 2009, 08:43:04 PM
(http://i498.photobucket.com/albums/rr342/wheels2spin/avatar_6.png)
(http://i498.photobucket.com/albums/rr342/wheels2spin/pluto.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 13, 2009, 10:24:07 AM
I'm seeing the specialist for a consultation today (I was on the cancellation list - earliest time otherwise would have been October).

I've also got to sing something for the ABC today, but once I return from that, I have got to post in the UK thread. Is it safe? Kicking? Alive? Breathing?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 13, 2009, 05:19:04 PM
Countessa...Every things ok on uk thread...8.15am here...Get well soon.. :getwell: :getwell: :getwell:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 13, 2009, 05:19:44 PM
700 SNIPE
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 13, 2009, 05:23:45 PM
 :winner: :youaretheman: :vent: :yess: :yess: :yess:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 13, 2009, 05:47:16 PM
Congratulations Tommy!

(http://i498.photobucket.com/albums/rr342/wheels2spin/worm_dancing.gif)

Melbourne Report: 5:58pm, wet and chilly!

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 13, 2009, 06:22:30 PM
Cairns...6.20pm...still about 26 degrees...luvverly.

Dear Contessa...please accept this from me and hope ye are better soon.....

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/22FebCute1.jpg)



btw...still waiting for some NEW gifs to nick folks.

Gotta go somewhere...BRB


(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/BRB.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 13, 2009, 07:02:16 PM
Cairns...6.20pm...still about 26 degrees...luvverly.

Dear Contessa...please accept this from me and hope ye are better soon.....

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/22FebCute1.jpg)



btw...still waiting for some NEW gifs to nick folks.

Gotta go somewhere...BRB               :uthewoman: :uthewoman: :uthewoman:


(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/BRB.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 13, 2009, 07:16:47 PM
Oh! Tommy...you ARE the clever one eh? Well done, my friend.

Away to have me supper now...BBL xxxx

*follows instruction for household chores tomorrow...Yup! procrastinating again!*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/8Aug-CleanHouse.gif)

See ye after supper.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 13, 2009, 07:31:44 PM
Just heading off now to have me supper...catch up with ye tomorra.

Goodnight Everybody xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/8Aug-TweetySleeping.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 14, 2009, 01:53:48 AM
Hi   lynn  hows   you
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 14, 2009, 09:01:35 AM
Hello Lynn and Tommy.   ;D  9.00 am here. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 14, 2009, 04:47:42 PM
Hiya Fluffy...popping in early, coz Friday Night Football is on tonight, and just gotta barrack fpr the Cowboys!

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/14Aug-BluddyFootball.gif)

hmmmm...just saw "that look" on me dawg's face...she hates me yahooing when my team is winning.

Tis ok...if they're losing, I change channels!

Noticed Contessa's name as posting on some of the threads here, so guess she is ok?

(got some neat new gifs when/if Cupie turns up).

Gonna pop over to UK now to see wot's happening...BBL xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 14, 2009, 04:51:57 PM
Well... okay is as okay does... I've had some tests, more tests checking some other things, a minor operation to look forward to after a visit to a specialist yesterday, and still no definite resolution about why I'm feeling sick all the time. I will wait patiently until the next doctor's appointment to see if we're any further in discovering whatever it is, but this new doctor takes one step at a time (very thorough), so it may take a while to find out what's happening...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 14, 2009, 04:54:51 PM
Hi Lynn...I'm around...but not for long tonight....have an early start and it's been a long week...we'll get to the gif war when we're all here...Yibida likes to play too.....although he's running around torching threads lately....so not sure what that's about...something about me pinching gifs too....don't know what he's talking about...lol....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 14, 2009, 05:12:41 PM
Hello Contessa...tis a worry when ye have all those tests, and they can't find the culprit!

Went thru a similar business 11 years ago...was a process of elimination (and I still kept falling asleep at my work computer about 1pm each day).

Cost a small fortune in medical tests...then they discovered it was a serious virus called C.M.V, not helped by my usual 70 hour weeks!

At the end of the day, when I was only 55, had to officially retire from the work force...that was worse than the illness, coz I was born a "workaholic".

Sending best wishes to you, and hope it is not too serious xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 14, 2009, 05:16:46 PM
Howdy Cupie xxxx

...didn't forget ye...just thought I'd post separately to yerself.

I can hang out for the "GIF WAR"...got it all loaded up in Foto Flukit, ready & raring to go.

I've also had an extra-busy week, plus another next week, so hopefully will be able to have a "FUN WEEK" following that.

BBL xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Nonsense-5.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 14, 2009, 05:21:00 PM
Hi Fluffie..Cupie..Lynn..Countessa and anyone else..8.20am here..very heavy rain :kisshug: :kisshug: :kisshug:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 14, 2009, 06:04:58 PM
 
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering
what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captaind asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb"!!
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 14, 2009, 06:15:30 PM
 
 There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top. The firemen are yelling to the redhead to jump into a blanket and she jumps off the building and right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she dies. They yell to the brunette to jump but she says,"No I saw what you did to the redhead"! They shout we don't like redheads! So the brunette jumps and sure enough they move the blanket and she dies. Then they shout to the blonde to jump off into the blanket. But the blonde says,"no I saw what you did to them"! They shout we don't like them! The blonde then says, "I don't trust you guys, put the blanket on the ground and step back!"

 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 14, 2009, 06:50:46 PM
Hey there Tommy xxxx

Just heading off to eat me supper, then watch footy.

Catch up with ye tomorra.

*one for the road*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/11April-FHGDwarves.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 14, 2009, 06:53:05 PM
Hi Ya Lynn and Tommy.   :kisshug:

Love the dwarfs post Lynn.  lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 14, 2009, 06:59:07 PM
Hi Lady Fluffy.. :kisshug: ..Countessa  :kisshug: and one for Lynn :kisshug:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 15, 2009, 08:20:53 AM
Morning all xxxx

Heading off to me Artur-i-tis meeting shortly, so thought I'd pop in early.

Me footy team LOST last night, so flicked over to SBS and fell asleep.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/marissa.jpg)

See ye this arvo.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 15, 2009, 07:10:30 PM
Good morning everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 15, 2009, 07:27:50 PM
I are knackered...2 meetings in 1 day, and I'm VP of both.

Tonight Brisbane Lions are playing AFL, so I may have a happier result than last night (if I can manage to stay awake for the full 3 hours)

*one for the road*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/3.jpg)


See ye tomorrow xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Poddy on August 15, 2009, 07:33:41 PM
Just hope they dont tax hokey pokey  ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 15, 2009, 07:46:09 PM
Just hope they dont tax hokey pokey  ;D
they are Poddy ... see the tax thread !
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 16, 2009, 01:44:21 AM
Just hope they dont tax hokey pokey

Ya better hope it's not paypal only. See the paypal thread.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 16, 2009, 04:44:14 AM
Hi Poddy..Smee..Tellomon..its 7.45pm here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 16, 2009, 05:23:20 AM
What's with the timekeeping? I don't get it.....

It's always NOW wherever yer at.

Be there!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on August 16, 2009, 06:00:31 AM
Just popping in to say G'day

Little bit of Ireland happening here Tommy...its sprinkling rain  lol

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 16, 2009, 06:57:23 AM
It's a 99 degrees F  in the Montello shade on this glorious Saturday Yard Sale "On The Strip" Holiday afternoon.

So there.

(I got some great deals, and I didn't need to use paypal......)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 16, 2009, 09:07:34 AM
Goodnight time for bed..12.00am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 16, 2009, 10:54:58 AM
Morning all xxxx

On me way out to the sunny patio to read the Sunday paper.

Have a great day gang...see ye for the "arvo" session.

Another "quicky" first....................

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/4.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 16, 2009, 12:37:14 PM

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/4.jpg)

That is so cliche!
Not a bad thang.
Just cliche.........
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 16, 2009, 05:44:09 PM
Goodmorning..cloudy today
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 16, 2009, 05:58:14 PM
*follows Tommy over to Oz*

*does a "Flounce" for Tello...whaddya want for nuttin*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/26Jan-Floucesoff.gif)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 16, 2009, 05:59:37 PM
Hi Lynn Darling an here waiting for you..its quiet here no one can see us..(the UK lot are nosey)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 16, 2009, 06:20:25 PM
oooowwaaahhh!!!!............... Tommy..................ye'll start the gossips up ye know!

Have heard about these "online romances", but couldn't be bothered meself.

Used to be an Oz advert for Mortein Fly Spray:-

"When you're on a good thing, stick to it".

That's how I see  my life as it is now...cost me a lotta money and a lotta years to get to this PEACE ON EARTH state-of-mind.


Tucker Time here...BBL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 16, 2009, 06:35:38 PM
I know what you mean Lynn..PEACE ON EARTH state-of-mind..its great to have it
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 16, 2009, 07:23:10 PM
Goodnight all xxxx

Off to watch Stephen Fry in USA on ABC...just love his wit and humour.

See ye all tomorra xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/23March-Loopy-1.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 16, 2009, 11:05:57 PM
Hi to Lynn and Tommy!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 17, 2009, 12:56:07 AM
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/Skulls/skulls-32.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 17, 2009, 03:14:20 PM
The UK should be yawning soon....so best wake this thread up for the Summer forecast....beautiful day here today 28 degrees, westerly winds and a bush fire.....lmao...beautiful one day, running for your life the next.....looks like we're in for a wicked summer......*groan*....scary stuff....time to get the property fireproofed in the next few weeks.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 17, 2009, 04:11:29 PM
Hi Fluffy..Cupie..Lynn..Tellomon and Countessa another wet day here..7.10am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 17, 2009, 04:17:23 PM
Hello, my lovelies - it's a bright and baby-wool sort of day here in Melbourne. You know the sort of day I mean...? The sky is a delicate pale blue, with little fluffy clouds resting in billowing folds upon the bassinette of the world...

I've just posted in the UK thread.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 17, 2009, 04:20:36 PM
Hope your getting better Countessa
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 17, 2009, 05:42:09 PM
Hiya Gang xxxx

(http://<a href="http://s201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/?action-view&current=6JuneLoveHearts.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6JuneLoveHearts.gif" border="0" alt="Love Hearts"></a>)


Gosh Cupie...hope ye don't have a repeat of last summer's fires!


*wonders wot Countess is on...she is away with the fairies at the moment*

Wot ever it is, please share with your friends.

See ye beat me here again Tommy!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 17, 2009, 05:43:16 PM
damn!.....trying again.....

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6JuneLoveHearts.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 17, 2009, 05:47:00 PM
Lynn, I'm on... bananas.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 17, 2009, 06:05:50 PM
oooh! bananas! very good for you Contessa...being a "banana-bender" myself, just love them.

Only one in the house at the moment, and it's ripening up a couple of avocadoes for me.

*makes note to get more bananas tomorra*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 17, 2009, 07:16:05 PM
Gonna go eat...see ye tomorra gang xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Nonsense-5.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 18, 2009, 05:41:27 PM
Hi Gang xxxx

Just got this pic back from Woodstock 40th Anniversary...nuttin has changed much!


(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/18Aug-WoodstockReturn.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 18, 2009, 05:55:39 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/68.gif)

New one for ya Lynn !!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 18, 2009, 06:24:56 PM
Hiya Cupie xxxx

Gif safely stored in FotoFlukit...ta very much.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/15April-Ann6.jpg)

Looks like supper is gonna be late again...been natterin to a neighbour.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 18, 2009, 06:29:04 PM
"I HATE hippies!!!"

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/South%20Park/cart2.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 18, 2009, 06:38:04 PM
hahahaha Tello...guess ye won't nick that gif then?

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/woohoo.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 18, 2009, 06:41:41 PM
The Hippy Hippy Shake.....!!!

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/62.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 18, 2009, 07:23:20 PM
Mornin all slept in..its10.20am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 18, 2009, 07:58:15 PM
Cupie, love the hippy hippy shake!  ;D

Good Morning Tommy, it's been a beautiful day in Melbourne today.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 19, 2009, 08:17:15 AM
Hi wheels...yep, I thought it was a classic too....hippy kids with painted nappies...lol....shake it baby....

(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anim02.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 19, 2009, 04:34:39 PM
Goodmorning everyone 7.30am and raining
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 19, 2009, 04:38:03 PM
Goodmorning everyone 7.30am and raining


Hi Tommy...Rain?...what a surprise..LOL..I was under the impression England had all the crap weather?....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 19, 2009, 05:06:25 PM
 
A guy goes online looking for brains. He sees a red head brain for $2,000, a brunette brain for $1,000, and a blonde brain for $6,000.
The guy asks his friend why the blonde brain is so much and his friend said, "Because it's never been used."
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 19, 2009, 06:13:10 PM
Howdy Folks xxxx

(Tommy's jokes)

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Snigger.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 19, 2009, 07:15:24 PM
Tucker Time...Night All xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/19Aug-Goodnight.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 20, 2009, 04:28:56 AM
 
A blonde named Barbara appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire... Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left. The next question will give you the million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go." Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it... A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush "Remember, Barbara, it's worth 1 million dollars." Barbara: "It's a cuckoo." Regis: "You're sure? You can walk with the $500,000 or play on for the million." Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C - Cuckoo." Regis: "Is that your final answer?" Barbara: "It is." Regis: "Are you confident?" Barbara: "Absolutely!" Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C -Cuckoo. Well...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara." That night Barbara calls her friend Carol and they go to a local bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping their champagne. Carol turns to Barbara and asks, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?" "It was so simple," Barbara replied, "Everybody knows that cuckoos live in clocks." 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 20, 2009, 04:12:56 PM
Very true, Tommy, very true... this particular blonde cuckoo's abode may be unknown, but we know for CERTAIN that she appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 20, 2009, 04:55:40 PM
very funny tommy ,thank you for keeping me amused with your good sense of humour  :applause: :applause:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 20, 2009, 05:50:27 PM
Goodmorning all you Aussies
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 20, 2009, 05:57:02 PM
*follows Tommy over to Oz*


Hiya Gang xxxx


(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/1.gif)


Gotta stay outta  the sun for coupla days methinks...goin "TROPPO"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 20, 2009, 06:02:16 PM
hi to you you loopy  :grouphug:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 20, 2009, 06:03:46 PM
For Curry............  Bar Joke
 
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!""That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 20, 2009, 06:04:47 PM
Morning Lynn and Curry
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 20, 2009, 06:37:51 PM
Hiya Curry xxxx

*hands Curry some cake*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/20Aug-Cake.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 20, 2009, 06:49:31 PM
Here's a nice cake. I reckon Tello would like it.


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 20, 2009, 07:06:09 PM
eeewwwwww Birdman...looks 'orrible.

Closing down pc now...gotta start Macrame projects in the morning.



*leaves a parting gif*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/20Aug-ShakeAss.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 20, 2009, 07:29:37 PM
Didn't like that cake Loopy, how about this one.

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 20, 2009, 08:05:54 PM
very nice cake loopy ,thank you xxxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 21, 2009, 05:28:19 AM
777 Irish snipe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 21, 2009, 05:29:31 AM
4000 watchers another Snipe...8.30pm in UK
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 21, 2009, 03:02:52 PM
Away for me "Nanna Nap"...see ye later xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/21Aug-DanceShoes.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on August 21, 2009, 03:05:29 PM
Here's a nice cake. I reckon Tello would like it.


Nothing says "love" more than a Skull Cake.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 21, 2009, 03:34:19 PM
Away for me "Nanna Nap"...see ye later xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/21Aug-DanceShoes.gif)


a nap sounds nice ,but not for this little currymuncher, kids home soon and then the mayhem begins  :help: :pmsl:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 21, 2009, 03:40:27 PM
it's sparrow fart in the UK...Tommy should be along any time now for a chirp...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 21, 2009, 04:59:07 PM
Hi everyone whats new..we got sunshine here..8.00am..going to be a nice day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 21, 2009, 06:25:15 PM
Morning Tommy xxxx

Evening all xxxx

(had a shite of a day...pc NOT doing as it's told)....so.....

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/7Aug-shootPC.jpg)

See ye tomorra xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 22, 2009, 05:21:24 PM
Goodmorning..Saturday 8.20am and the sun is shineing
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 22, 2009, 05:25:40 PM
Good Morning Tommy xxxx

Hiya Oz peeps xxxx

*leaves some choklit cake till I get back*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/7Junechocolatecake.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 22, 2009, 07:16:06 PM
*Sits in corner eating all the chocolate cake*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Centuries on August 23, 2009, 01:03:25 AM
Cupie.....You have to share!


Well, I will find some to steal.

(http://i975.photobucket.com/albums/ae234/acaciame/Picture062-2.jpg) Yum!




(http://i975.photobucket.com/albums/ae234/acaciame/Picture062-1.jpg)

                  ^

I left this bit for someone :angel:


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 23, 2009, 07:58:08 AM
Mmmmmmm  chocolate cake with plenty of walnuts   ;D ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 23, 2009, 08:16:48 AM
 
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving really badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.

The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Lady, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, it's your air freshener!"
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 23, 2009, 09:36:18 AM
*burp*....sorry centuries, too late, scoffed the lot...that'll teach ya's to be here when it's on offer...hehehe....

Morning Tommy, or goodnight probably.  25 degrees here today supposedly.   We've already had the opening of the bushfire season.....more to come no doubt, and the issue of managing fire fuel still being avoided like the plague by the powers that be......I wonder who's going to be the next lot of fire victims in this merry go round of mediocrity and hypocrisy ?.  

I'm a bit annoyed about the Vic Black Saturday interim result....they seem to have overlooked fuel management...like doh !!!, when we ALL know that's the only thing we CAN control...pack of percies.....and still they're harping on about the Stay or Go Policy....Now it's stay or go, but probably better to go?...huh?....clear as a smoke filled fire ground.  In my field we call it 'Pass the Liability'.

I reckon we're in for it this summer...... there's so much of the region overgrown and poorly managed as to make it another potential fire storm situation, the likes of which we haven't seen full force since 2001..it was out of control in that year......oh well, time to review the insurance policy.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 23, 2009, 06:43:59 PM
Hiya Gang xxxx

Gosh Cupie...not sounding good down your way for the bushfire season.

Been following the story on teev...seems to be a lot of indecision eh?

Glad ye enjoyed the cake darlin (hope ye shared with yer mates)

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/23Aug-CrazyFriend.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 23, 2009, 06:45:41 PM
booger! did it to me again!

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/23Aug-CrazyFriend.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 23, 2009, 06:48:29 PM
Thanks for the cake lynn,,cupie its very heavy rain here..and its 9.45am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 23, 2009, 06:55:45 PM
Weres Lady Fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 23, 2009, 07:14:43 PM
Tucker Time here...then "Midsomer Murders" then bed.

See ye tomorra folks xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/19Aug-Goodnight.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 24, 2009, 06:20:27 AM

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

"It's a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 24, 2009, 06:21:28 AM
weres Lynn
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 24, 2009, 06:22:48 AM
Lynns not here Tommy....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 24, 2009, 06:25:17 AM
Good....800.. :snipewin: :snipewin: :snipewin: :10: :10: :10: :youaretheman: :youaretheman: :youaretheman:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 24, 2009, 08:48:36 AM
Morning Tommy xxxx

Evening all xxxx

(had a shite of a day...pc NOT doing as it's told)....so.....

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/7Aug-shootPC.jpg)

See ye tomorra xxxx

Absolutely knew you'd nab that one....lol....see Yib...what goes around, comes around.....I'm not the only one....and neither is Lynn.....*wink*

I see Tommy nabbed the latest snipe?..no doubt about that boy....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 24, 2009, 10:38:16 AM
The Cornflakes joke is another one to hit the laughter button. I can imagine a ditzy-looking woman (let's assume she is a PEROXIDED blonde with less than the average blonde intelligence - which is HIGH!) with pouty lips and designer hair looking at the breakfast table, puzzling over the oddly-shaped pieces... Lovely punchline!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: currymuncher on August 24, 2009, 10:48:50 AM
yes that joke is very funny  :applause: :applause:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 24, 2009, 05:53:48 PM
Goodmorning all..8.50 am...i hope im not offending anyone with blond jokes..there is plenty of Irish ones around
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 24, 2009, 06:01:31 PM

 
 An investment advisor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impresive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment advisor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 24, 2009, 06:07:30 PM
Hiya Tommy, some M&M blonde jokes for you.  ;D

Q ..  Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A .. They're too hard to peel.

Q .. How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A .. Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

Q .. How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A .. You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q .. What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A .. Proofreading.

Q .. Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A .. For throwing out the W's.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 24, 2009, 06:31:09 PM
Hiya Gang xxxx


*saunters in from UK*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/24Aug-CallGirl.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 24, 2009, 06:52:47 PM
Hello Lyn, aren't you cold in that outfit? You might need to put a cardy on.  ;D It is freezing cold here at the moment!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 24, 2009, 07:32:34 PM
Hi there Wheels...nope...not cold...I live in Cairns, and it's always hot here.

*changes into sumthin more suitable for watchin teev in bed*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/24Aug-OldSheila.gif)

Goodnight Gang xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 24, 2009, 10:37:52 PM
That little number is sure to get the "frilly nightie lovers" very, very excited.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 25, 2009, 05:10:58 AM
Your looking very sexy Lynn.. *809
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 25, 2009, 05:17:03 AM
 
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 25, 2009, 05:02:36 PM
Goodmorning 8.00am..nice sunny day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 25, 2009, 06:48:48 PM
(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/16Aug-HelpUpside-Down.gif)

Hiya Gang....being serious for a change.

Anybody had any luck with defrosting/reheating crunchy bread rolls...or just sliced breas?

Having Spag Bol for supper, and would just love to have a bread roll to soak up the juices, but NOT had any luck so far.

All replies will be tried...(mebbe not tonight)...and commented on.

Thanks in advance......Loopy xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 25, 2009, 07:08:05 PM
Lynn, do you have a sandwich press? I make a quick garlic bread for one, using frozen bread slices or breadroll slices, spread with garlic butter, sandwich together and stick in the sandwich press. Just pull apart again to eat - crunchy on the outside, soft and garlicky on the inside!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 25, 2009, 07:19:36 PM
Whack your bread in the oven for a short time. This always crisps up frozen bread for me.

Talking about food. the Commander In Chief knocked up a pretty fine Pot Roast tonight followed by Bread & Butter Pudding. Magnificent feed, but my guts are now swollen from too much.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 25, 2009, 07:20:26 PM
Ubbrd, any leftovers?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 25, 2009, 07:22:25 PM
Yep, the Broccoli. Even my dog Harry won't eat Broccoli.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 25, 2009, 07:31:26 PM
Thanks for that Gang xxxx

Will try all those at a later date...not tonight coz I is starving and just buttered a coupla slices of fresh bread for tonight's supper.

Gotta love ye & leave ye (least I don't "kiss & tell") xxxx

See ye tomorra...off to me bed shortly

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/24Aug-DontBugMe.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Katbalou on August 25, 2009, 08:02:53 PM
ny mose cany speel  :green:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 26, 2009, 06:02:28 PM
GOODMORNING EVERYONE..its rain..rain..rain here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 26, 2009, 06:08:05 PM
Hi Tommy, it's early bushfires here..with strong Westerly, N/westerly, and S/westerly winds...can't make it's bloody mind up...lol...other parts of the east coast are either on fire or under severe wind storm conditions....sheesh....looks like an interesting summer....lol...beautiful one day, running for your life the next...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 26, 2009, 06:16:09 PM
 

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 
Hi cupie weres Lynn...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 26, 2009, 06:23:13 PM
I know there are some others from these forums who can post in the UK forum, but where they're hiding, who can tell?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 26, 2009, 06:27:49 PM
Contessa...methinks they're frightened little bunnies?

...and the GOOD NEWS for today is:-

Weather in Cairns today:-

Wednesday 26 August

Absolutely beautiful!

Make the most of your time in Cairns today and experience some of its wonderful natural attractions..

Low 18 °C   High 29 °C


...and I know a lot of you are suffering from weird weather atm...let's hope it can only get better for you all.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/6JuneLoveHearts.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 26, 2009, 06:34:08 PM
Hi Lynn...the weather doesn't bother me...bushfires bother me...and I would post on the UK, but I'm likely to attract a shadow.  Ebay forums everywhere have this type of thing though so, I'm not Robinson Crusoe...lol

 :troll:  

.I might take a peak tomorrow morning cause it's night there when it's sparrow fart here.....isn't it?...gives me jet lag just thinking about it...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 26, 2009, 06:55:58 PM
Your always welcome in the UK Cupie..glad to see Countessa better
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 26, 2009, 07:07:53 PM
Cupie...I agree with Tommy...we have a few of those "dead-heads" on RT UK too, but we mostly manage to ignore them...or else, I have a very special gif I use for them (no words are needed)

If ye have a problem, just let us know...they will get one of my looks (and more)

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Margsfrowning.gif)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 26, 2009, 07:11:58 PM
Well then I may just poke my nose in when you guys are posting...then it's gotta be safe...lol...I don't like getting into it with these idiots...I just ignore them and avoid them.....someone has to act like an adult....who can figure it out?  Some people are cretons....By the Way...I like the look....'the way of the look'.........I usually use my Dame Edna frown pic....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 26, 2009, 07:20:13 PM
Onya Cupie...Tommy and myself usually appear on RT UK around 5.30pm Oz Time (that's 8.30am breakfast time in UK).

Mostly nice posters on around that time...worth giving it a try eh?

Tucker time now for me darlin...and "Inspector Rex", then bed...see ye tomorra xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/19Aug-Goodnight.jpg)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 26, 2009, 08:36:17 PM
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits... Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 26, 2009, 08:37:39 PM
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet did not pay enough postage on a letter bomb....It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

God is good!

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 26, 2009, 08:51:51 PM
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits... Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

This is a rewording straight from one of the "No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" series. Mma Ramotswe solves the mystery of the unfortunate patients who need to be connected to the ventilation machine.

Is anyone else a Precious Ramotswe fan?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 26, 2009, 09:07:04 PM
Countess. Are you saying this is not true & that Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper doesn't exist. I'm shattered.
 (http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/00020344.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 26, 2009, 09:25:05 PM
Pookie Johnson exists, and they may call him The Sweeper, but he actually works for the Mafia - and his sweeping involves a silenced pistol, a roll of canvas and a tasteful selection of cement blocks.

He doesn't work on Sundays.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 26, 2009, 09:28:15 PM
Phew Countess, that's a relief. You have restored my faith in humanity.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 27, 2009, 05:55:15 PM
Hello to everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 27, 2009, 06:27:22 PM
Hi Tommy dinner time over here...just thinking about what I might have...something simple....like scambled egg on toast....lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 27, 2009, 06:34:41 PM
Hiya Cupie xxxx

Just about to have my supper too...Spag Bol again...yummy.

Will pop back in again about an hour.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/A%20SAFE%20HAVEN/WavingPinky.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: cueperkins on August 27, 2009, 06:35:49 PM
Hi Lynn...had spag bol last night....will see ya in a while.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 27, 2009, 07:28:06 PM
...and now I have a full tummy...so gonna sneak out early & watch a bit of teev.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/A%20SAFE%20HAVEN/Image0023.gif)

Goodnight Gang xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 28, 2009, 12:17:23 AM
Goodnight Lynn
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 28, 2009, 08:17:47 AM
Hiya Gang xxxx

Going on a pub crawl tonight...anybody wanna join in?

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/28Aug-PubCrawl.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *barny* on August 28, 2009, 08:24:58 AM
Hiya Gang xxxx

Going on a pub crawl tonight...anybody wanna join in?

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/28Aug-PubCrawl.jpg)

Geez Lynn, it was you what stole my daily drive.

 :wine:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 28, 2009, 08:33:49 AM
Hiya Barny.....I'm always "nicking" stuff...so chances are you're right about that.

On RT UK Boxing Day, we all meet up for a CONGA LINE, and travel all over the place.

Last year we visited Germany, Holland, France, Spain, USA & OZ.

Had a ball! Hope we do that again this year!

Housework time, so will see you this arvo xxxx
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 28, 2009, 05:38:55 PM
Hello Lynn..Goodbye Lynn..Goodmorning everyone else
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 28, 2009, 07:15:48 PM
Greetings from the other side of the world.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 28, 2009, 07:18:17 PM
Hi Tommy & Contessa xxxx

Gotta luv ye & leave ye...Friday night footy is about to start...see ye tomorra.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/24Aug-DontBugMe.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 28, 2009, 10:07:49 PM
Enjoy the game, Lynn - but you don't fool us. You're not really in bed as the picture sneakily tries to suggest. No, no, you're engaged in ritual football worship!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 29, 2009, 12:31:46 AM
I'll just leave a quick HELLO here for you Tommy and Irene. I never seem to be on the computer at the same time as you. Also got a joke to share.  ;D

Two men are out fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer. Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months." Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 29, 2009, 01:18:38 AM
 
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 29, 2009, 05:49:38 PM

 "How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife.

"Well I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."

"Well you're 75 years old now, Jack, why don't you take my brother Scott along?" suggested his wife.

"But he's 85 and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.

"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," his wife pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.

"Yup," Scott answered.

"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

"I forgot."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 29, 2009, 06:08:04 PM
Hiya Ozzieroos xxxx

Got some good jokes there Tommy xxxx

Gotta love ye and leave ye again early...Brisbane Lions are playing AFL tonight.

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/19Dec-DontWorryBeHappy.gif)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 29, 2009, 08:23:54 PM
 :roflmao:  :roflmao: Great jokes Tommy!

Evening all. We've had a cold, wet day in Melbourne today.
Weather too bad to go away so had to find something useful to do - Christmas shopping started!  :spend:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 30, 2009, 07:05:40 PM
Mornin all 10.00am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 30, 2009, 07:25:31 PM
Wot's this all about then?

The poster who can say the least?

No chance for me then...I even talk in me sleep (just ask me dawg).

Now...sumthin for ye tomorra....

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/30Aug-good-morning-sunshine.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 30, 2009, 07:57:28 PM
A big hello to Lynn.   :kisshug: :kisshug:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 30, 2009, 08:16:47 PM
Hello, Tommy, Lynn, Fluffy, Wheels (I think I've included everyone!)

It was another wet-fish day, and we should all give thanks to the inventor of the electric/gas heater.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 30, 2009, 09:12:29 PM
Hello, Tommy, Lynn, Fluffy, Wheels (I think I've included everyone!)

It was another wet-fish day, and we should all give thanks to the inventor of the electric/gas heater.

Hello Countess.  Top of the evening to ya!!!   :-*

Not wet enough for this little duck.....   :green:

And did I hear you say 'fish'?  Where?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on August 30, 2009, 09:43:01 PM
Trout - in my fridge! (Smoked trout... quite tasty. NOT as delicious, though, as smoked mackerel...)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 30, 2009, 09:44:15 PM
Trout - in my fridge! (Smoked trout... quite tasty. NOT as delicious, though, as smoked mackerel...)

Hi countess...smoked eel is my favorite....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 31, 2009, 03:14:31 AM
Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.   
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 31, 2009, 05:25:47 PM
G'day everyone. The only way I will eat Trout is smoked. I catch a lot of Trout & make brine mix with a hint of Teriake which I whack in the Trout's guts. I leave it overnight in the fridge. Next day I smoke the critter (or a couple ) in my smoker with Ash woodshavings. It then tastes OK a day later chilled & on a Jatz biscuit with a nicely chilled wholesome can of Pepsi Max. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 31, 2009, 06:04:08 PM
Goodmorning everyone..9.00am..and mackerel is a nice fish
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 31, 2009, 06:12:59 PM
And so is the sturgeon, but does the mackeral have a song written about it?

Caviar comes from the virgin sturgeon,
The virgin sturgeon's a very fine fish,
The virgin sturgeon needs no 'urgin,
That's why caviar is my dish.

I gave caviar to my girl friend,
she was a virgin tried and true,
Ever since she had that caviar,
There 'aint nothing she won't do,

I gave caviar to my grandpa,
Grandpa's age is ninety three,
The very next time I saw my grandpa,
He'd chased grandma up a tree.


Hi Tommy....top of the marnin to ye !!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 31, 2009, 06:52:16 PM
Howdy Gang xxxx

Cupie...do ye mind if I "nick" that virgin-sturgeon thingy?

Ta very much in advance.

G'day everyone. The only way I will eat Trout is smoked. I catch a lot of Trout & make brine mix with a hint of Teriake which I whack in the Trout's guts. I leave it overnight in the fridge. Next day I smoke the critter (or a couple ) in my smoker with Ash woodshavings. It then tastes OK a day later chilled & on a Jatz biscuit with a nicely chilled wholesome can of Pepsi Max.

oooh! I like the sound of that Birdy.....now just need to find somebody with a smoker thingy.

...and would swap the Pepsi stuff for a flagon  crystal glass of chilled white wine!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on August 31, 2009, 06:59:21 PM
G'day Tommy. We have Slimy Mackerel here (salt water fish) I use them for bait, if I catch any, but I'm told they are good smoked. I'm also told that they are one of the healthiest fish in the ocean  to eat, full of Omega 3. Of course I don't need Omega 3 as I drink Pepsi Max which is full of everything.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on August 31, 2009, 07:01:10 PM
Lynnie...by all means feel free...it's a classic...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 31, 2009, 07:14:43 PM
oooh! you are a sweetie...ta very much!

My pc man has installed Incredimail Gold on my pc...got heaps & heaps of stuff I can put in PB, so be prepared for your next "GIF WAR".

Here's just one sample:

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/31Aug-No_Problemo1.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on August 31, 2009, 07:17:00 PM
Now off to eat my supper...made prawn cutlets (very messy job)...and laters off to bed, so will say Goodnight  xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/24Aug-OldWoman.jpg)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on August 31, 2009, 07:22:26 PM
Goodnight Lynn, looks like those weary bones need a rest!  :pmsl:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: cueperkins on August 31, 2009, 07:24:57 PM
Fine and dandy lynn as long as you don't mind me doing the dial up tag along and pinching some...lol.....I don't think I could even open something with a huge amount of images...so, hope you don't mind if I flog a few of yours...yum prawn cutlets.....*makes note to visit Lynn in Cairns for prawn dinner some time in the future*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 01, 2009, 05:45:04 PM
Lynn going to bed when im getting up..morning everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on September 01, 2009, 06:23:55 PM
yum prawn cutlets.....*makes note to visit Lynn in Cairns for prawn dinner some time in the future*

You would be very welcome Cupie! Only buy them (Australian green Banana prawns) when they're on special...get about 40 decent size ones to the kilo.

Pack them in freezer bags of 10...heaps for a feed for one (or sometimes two).

*wonders why Tommy thinks I have gone to bed alread...2 hours to go yet*

Found this for the next pub crawl...it's a doozy!

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Incredimail%20Gifs/BeerKeg.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 01, 2009, 06:30:34 PM
Reply
 Reply all
 Forward
 |
 
 
 
 Full view
 
CONGRATULATIONS......YOU HAVE WON.?
From:  Australian Online Lottery (goegebest@btinternet.com) 
Sent: 30 August 2009 12:57:36
To:   

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

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Congratulations as we happily announce to you today
that the draw. Of the MICROSOFT AUSTRALIAN ONLINE
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in Australia. Your e-mail
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Batch: 25060766143-BTA/06
Lucky Draw Number: 7-18-87-45-69-63
Reference Number:MICROAA4/734-0
Amount Won..........$850,000.00usd

Contact Your claims agent MR.MOHAMED HASAN
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Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on September 01, 2009, 06:35:14 PM
Answers Tommy as I did in UK...

*on yer bike Tommy....no way*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Incredimail%20Gifs/FunnyBike.gif)


*is amazed I have NEVER received one of those emails*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 01, 2009, 06:58:13 PM
Lynn they must think you have enough money..and dont need anymore..they send them to poor me
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on September 01, 2009, 07:03:17 PM
(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/hahalady.gif)


Got a week to go till next Pension day, and I'm already skint!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 01, 2009, 09:54:20 PM
Most of my junk mail is never even seen by me - it's automatically filtered.

But Tommy, when you truly win one of those, you know we'll expect you to hop onto a plane and come flying over to visit all of us here.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 01, 2009, 10:16:20 PM
will do will be on next plane
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 02, 2009, 12:23:22 AM

Struck gold
Murphy had been told that the streets of London were paved with gold. Newly arrived in that fair city he was ambling along enjoying the morning air when he passed a pub outside which last night's rubbish had been stored in plastic bags. One had been kicked open and all over the pavement were gold tops from beer bottles.

'Gold,' said Murphy. 'I've struck a vein!'

Hurriedly he gathered all he could stuff into his pockets and marched into the pub.

Till have a double whiskey,' he called to the barman, and placed a bottle top on the counter.

'This is tin,' sneered the barman.

'Thank God,' said Murphy. 'I thought it was only five - I'll have two double whiskies.'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 02, 2009, 12:28:13 AM

'My long lost brother is returning on Sunday. I haven't seen him since he left Ireland thirty years ago,' said Mick. 'He wrote to say he'll be arriving at Shannon airport at eight in the morning.'

'If he's been away that long,' asked Sean, 'how will you recognise him?'

'I won't,' reasoned Mick. 'But he'll recognise me cos I've never been away at all.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on September 02, 2009, 12:31:07 AM
 :rofl: :quack:

Very good Tommy..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 02, 2009, 12:35:44 AM

A roof for the rain,
Tea beside the fire,
Laughter to cheer you,
Those you love near you,
And all your heart might desire!

May you be in
Heaven a half hour before the
Devil knows you're dead!

When Irish eyes are smiling,
Tis like a morn in spring.
With a lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing
When Irish hearts are happy
All the world is bright and gay
When Irish eyes are smiling
Sure, they steal your heart away.

May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.

There are many good reasons for drinking,
One has just entered my head.
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How in the hell can he drink when he's dead?

May the best day of your past
Be the worst day of your future.

I'm looking over a four leaf clover
That I overlooked before
One leaf is sunshine, the second is rain,
Third is the roses that grow in the lane.
No need explaining the one remaining
Is somebody I adore.
I'm looking over a four leaf clover
That I overlooked before.

May you live to be a hundred years
With one extra year to repent.

May those who love us, love us
And those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts
And if he can't turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping!

As you slide down the banister of life,
May the splinters never point in the wrong direction!

May luck be our companion
May friends stand by our side
May history remind us all
Of Ireland's faith and pride.
May God bless us with happiness
May love and faith abide.

Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter
Lullabies, dreams, and love ever after.
Poems and songs with pipes and drums
A thousand welcomes when anyone comes.
That's the Irish for you!

There's a dear little plant that grows in our isle,
'Twas St. Patrick himself, sure, that sets it;
And the sun of his labor with pleasure did smile,
And with dew from his eye often wet it.
It grows through the bog, through the brake, through the mireland,
And they call it the dear little Shamrock of Ireland.

May your neighbors respect you,
Troubles neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And Heaven accept you.

May you have:
A world of wishes at your command
God and his angels close at hand
Friends and family their love impart,
And Irish blessings in you heart.

May God grant you many years to live,
For sure he must be knowing
The earth has angels all to few
And Heaven is overflowing.

These things I warmly wish to you-
Someone to love
Some work to do
A bit o' sun
A bit o' cheer
And a guardian angel always near.

Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!

May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light,
May good luck pursue you each morning and night,

O Ireland isn't it grand you look
like a bride in her rich adornin?
And with all the pent up love of my heart
I bid you the top o' the mornin!


May the lilt of lush laughter lighten ever road,
May the midst of Irish magic shorten every road.
May you taste the sweetest pleasures
that fortune ever bestowed,
And may all your friends remember
all the favors you are owed.

Go mbeannai Dia duit
(May God Bless You)

May your home always be too small to hold all your friends.
God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live.

If you're enough lucky to be Irish...
You're lucky enough!My wild Irish rose
The sweetest flower that grows
You may search everywhere
But none can compare to my wild Irish rose
My wild Irish rose
The sweetest flower that grows
Someday for my sake she may let me take
A bloom from my wild Irish rose

'Tis better to buy a small bouquet
And give to your friend this very day,
Than a bushel of roses white and red
To lay on his coffin after he's dead.

For each petal on the shamrock
This brings a wish your way-
Good health, good luck, and happiness
For today and every day.

Dance as if no one were watching,
Sing as if no one were listening,
And live every day as if it were your last.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on September 02, 2009, 06:02:15 PM
awwww Tommy...can ye hear me singing? (guess ye're lucky then)....(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Incredimail%20Gifs/RedRose.gif)


Good Evening Ozziekins xxxx

*loves frogs*

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Incredimail%20Gifs/FrogTongue.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 02, 2009, 06:07:20 PM
Goodmorning 9.00am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 02, 2009, 06:58:00 PM

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland.  Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"  Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.

The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish.

The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.

The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."

The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."


 

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what  happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."





A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." 
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."




Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!


 

A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a Kerry farmer.
The Texan says : "Takes me a whole day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other."
The Kerry farmer says: "Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here too."




An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.

"I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from
America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years".

"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American.

"I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time".

"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American.

"Of course he will," said the Irishman. "Sure, an' I haven't been away at all".




His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.
"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.
"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.
A young gentleman sitting at a bar with his pet pig asks for a couple of drinks. The confused bartender said no animals were allowed at the bar. The man proceeded to say "Ah, but this is a very special pig. Just last week there was a fire in the house and that pig came charging out of his pen into the house and woke us all up .Then a few days later my son fell into the pool and that pig was grazing out on the lawn, and he came running and jumped into the pool and saved my son. ""Well " said the bartended "I guess this pig is very special so I'll get him a drink. By the way I noticed that he is missing one leg, what happened? " "Well said the young man, when you got a pig this good you don't eat him all at once !!!"



The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "
"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."

"Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece ?" "No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !" Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk !!

Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted.
Mike said "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?"
And Brigid replied "Oh Mike that is a ham I am baking ."
Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're
cooking."
Then Brigid said "Oh Mike, I'm saving that for the wake !!"

"Did you hear that Flanagan invented an invisible deodorant ?" "No, what good is it ?"
"Well if you use, you vanish and no one knows where the smell is coming from !"

 
 

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 02, 2009, 06:58:53 PM
888..Irish snipe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *marlee*170681 on September 02, 2009, 07:27:34 PM
*nicks all Tommy's Oirish jokes*

Goodnight folks xxxx

(http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Incredimail%20Gifs/PeaceMan.gif)



Rissoles are cooked, and ready to heat with mash spuds & carrots, plus minted peas.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on September 02, 2009, 09:32:34 PM
Night Lynn.   :kisshug:

Tommy, you have snaffled lots of snipes today, you old snipster you!!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 02, 2009, 10:10:51 PM
I love rissoles.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 03, 2009, 05:09:05 PM
Fluffy Nice to see you in uk ..Hi everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 03, 2009, 05:21:40 PM
Hi tommy, might have to wait for at least an hour until everyone has fought their way home through peakhour traffic.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 03, 2009, 05:33:25 PM
I dont have that problem Cupie..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 04, 2009, 05:18:37 AM
 BLESSINGS  
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," he replied, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."                                                                                                                                                                                                  Like the warmth of the sun
And the light of the day,
May the luck of the Irish
shine bright on your way.  

 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 04, 2009, 05:34:03 AM


For Lynn...

Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German".

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 04, 2009, 05:39:43 PM
Goodmorning everyone..lovely day in Ireland..8.40am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 04, 2009, 05:52:25 PM
There were 3 men, one English man one Scots man and one Irish man. They were all sentenced to death by shooting so the police man took them around the back of the court to be shot. The English man was first, so he went up and waited, and the policeman said ready, aim, then the English man shouted 'blizzard'. While every one was looking for the blizzard, the man got away. So the Scots man did the same thing, except he yelled out 'duck' and he too got away. The Irish man steps up and when the policeman said ready, aim, the Irish man yelled FIRE!!!!

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 04, 2009, 05:54:26 PM
Guess what comes next
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 04, 2009, 05:55:39 PM
 ....  900...:snipewin: :snipewin: :snipewin: :10: :10: :youaretheman: :youaretheman: :youaretheman:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 04, 2009, 06:17:36 PM

Two old drunks on their way home from the pub, were stumblin up the country road in near darkness, "Seamus, I think we've stumbled into the graveyard - look, I can see a stone here that says a man lived to 105!"

"Glory be Malarki, was it anybody we knew?"

"No, twas somebody named 'Miles from Dublin'"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on September 04, 2009, 08:49:14 PM
Hello Tommy.  I think you have gotten just about every snipe around on this board lately.   ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 04, 2009, 09:33:13 PM
I never knew how handy that snipe emoticon would be when I was creating it.

(Well, I say "created", but what I mean is "used an existing emoticon as the basis for it".)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 05, 2009, 05:32:07 PM
Goodmorning you nice people
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 05, 2009, 05:40:54 PM
And Good evening to you Tommy....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 05, 2009, 05:57:46 PM
Hi Cupie ..hows the World treating you
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 05, 2009, 06:08:53 PM


IRISH DECLARE WAR ON SADDAM

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"


Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr.Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to1 and a half million since we last spoke."
"Really?!" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"


Paddy rang again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Ted's ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guidedsurface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Faith and begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right Mr.Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 05, 2009, 06:14:15 PM
Well Tommy, it's been beautiful weather here today in the first week of spring...the Jasmine is so strong it knocks you over...(I have lots of jasmine growing over things...love the smell).  There's still a nip in the air, but that won't last long...I think many have been out enjoying the sun today, who could resist...bit like thawing out...You guys should be going in Autumn soon yes?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 06, 2009, 01:51:19 AM
Tommy, hello - it's 1:49 in the morning, and it's been a good evening after a really exhausting day.

The morning was a pale and lovely thing, although day grew into greyness like the silent veil of a quiet chill.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on September 06, 2009, 02:44:38 AM
*Waves hello to the Countess, Cupie, Tommy and Lynne.*   :welcomedesk:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 06, 2009, 06:18:58 PM
Another great day rain..rain and rain
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 06, 2009, 06:32:06 PM
A man stumbles up to the only patron in the bar and offers to buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '65."
"This is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '65, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."





 
 
 

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 06, 2009, 07:08:38 PM
Hello to all. It was a beautiful Father's Day, and the crême dubarry (cream of cauliflower soup - absolutely the most beautiful and velvety soup you can imagine) was perfect. My mother's potato salad is quite simply the best in the world. Family together on Father's Day is so nice... but my two adorable nieces have recently discovered "Doctor Who" (because I bought them the first series of "The Sarah Jane Adventures" on DVD) and they've raided almost my entire Doctor Who collection!

(I should never have told them where my Doctor Who DVDs were.)

Now it's past 7 p.m. in the evening. The beauty of the day has not seeped into the evening; it is cold, and dark as a roll full of licorice in the inside of a coal miner's pocket.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 07, 2009, 04:47:35 PM
8.45am and sunny..Goodnorning everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 07, 2009, 06:00:30 PM
 
A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'

The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'

'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.

'Your turn,' says the man.

'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 07, 2009, 06:59:29 PM

Paddy and his two friends, Bill and Simon, are talking at a bar.

Bill says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.”

“What makes you think that?” asks Paddy.

“Well the other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”

Simon then says: “Same with me!  I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.”

“The other day I found a wrench under the bed and that wasn’t mine.”

“That’s all three of us then,” says Paddy: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”

Bill and Simon look at him with utter disbelief.

“No, I’m serious.  The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 08, 2009, 08:04:48 AM
I always enjoy your jokes, Tommy. In particular, the one about the accident had me grinning...

Low cunning.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 08, 2009, 04:53:55 PM
Goodmorning everyone....
A blonde is overweight so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly four stone. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger you mean?" Asks the doctor.
"No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 09, 2009, 05:03:19 PM
Goodmorning another new day and nice and sunny
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 09, 2009, 05:16:03 PM
Countess. what's this "crême dubarry (cream of cauliflower soup)". Sounds shocking, I hate cauliflower. What about crême de la pup (Pluto Pup soup), beautiful!.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 09, 2009, 05:26:09 PM
What about crême de la pup (Pluto Pup soup), beautiful!.

Make mine a Double!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 09, 2009, 05:27:51 PM
Countess. what's this "crême dubarry (cream of cauliflower soup)". Sounds shocking, I hate cauliflower. What about crême de la pup (Pluto Pup soup), beautiful!.

*Barf*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 09, 2009, 05:35:18 PM
Hey Tello, You would make a fortune if you opened a food shop specialising in Pluto Pups. There's a recipe for them somewhere on one of these threads.

Behold, below is a picture of a Pluto Pup in all it's glory.


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 09, 2009, 05:41:02 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/15.gif)

Better you have nice Greek Giros instead OK?.....The Pluto Pup, she is poisonous !!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 09, 2009, 05:48:03 PM
Hi Cupie we keep missing each other..joke for today.................
A Blonde Woman Filling a Credit card application Form
NAME: Rebecca Nelson
D.O.B: 12/12/1982
SEX: twice a day 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 09, 2009, 05:49:02 PM
Outrage! Horror! Ugh!

In all seriousness, cream of cauliflower soup is utterly, utterly delicious. It's also simple to make. It's a gourmet soup made with barely an effort.

INGREDIENTS:
• about 50g of butter (you can use margarine)
• 2-3 tablespoons of plain flour
• 900 ml white stock (make this from vegetables, or add chicken for additional flavouring. If you're the impatient type, I suppose you can use store-bought stock, o heathens)
• a whole cauliflower (in florets - take it apart with your bare hands or just do a bit of chopping, whichever you prefer)
• seasoning (really, only 2 pinches of salt; no pepper is necessary
• 2 pinches of nutmeg - add a LITTLE more if you truly love nutmeg
• 2 egg yolks
• ½ to 1 cup of light thickened cream (depending upon whether you like cream or not)

METHOD:       
Start by melting the butter; once it's melted, stir in the flour, then cook this for about 2 minutes. You can certainly do this in the microwave if you prefer that to the stove top.
Now carefully add a little of the stock, and mix it. Add the rest of the stock; mix thoroughly.
If you want to prepare the soup itself in the easiest way possible, have no fear - this recipe is microwave-friendly. Use a nice large microwave-proof pot, and put the stock mixture now into it. Add the cauliflower florets, and try to make sure they're covered, otherwise they'll get a nasty brownish colour. Cook/simmer for about 25 minutes.
Remove from the microwave, and blend this to a lovely velvety texture.
Now season to taste. Add the nutmeg, and stir.
Lightly beat the cream and egg yolks, then add to the soup. Stir lightly, and return to the microwave for a few minutes to reheat - MAKE SURE THE SOUP DOES NOT BOIL! If you boil the soup once the cream is added, it will curdle. Just a nice gentle reheat, and you're done.
If you want, you can garnish this with a few extra small florets of cauliflower, but you really don't need to do anything more to this soup, because it will be perfect just as it is.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 09, 2009, 05:52:20 PM
Countess. "If you want, you can garnish this with a few extra small florets of cauliflower," I'd garnish it with a hand grenade, pin pulled!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 09, 2009, 05:52:54 PM
You like your soup HOT, do you? As in, EXPLODING with FLAVOUR?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 09, 2009, 05:55:30 PM
Yep sure do Countess. The beauty of a hand grenade garnish is that you still have 7 seconds to get out of the kitchen & under cover.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 09, 2009, 05:58:12 PM
I'll have some of that thanks countess....yummy.

We're having Fettuccine Boscaiola tonight for dinner...mushroom, bacon, creme, and fresh fettuccine with Garlic bread of course.  

Hi Tommy....you're right, we keep missing each other..like ships in the night...how about that bomb they found in Oirland eh?  was it anyway near you?.

where's lynnie?

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on September 09, 2009, 09:46:14 PM

Lamb Pizzaiola..Cue....mmm~~ handed down through the generations.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 09, 2009, 10:53:42 PM
Yib. Lamb is good but, what's with the Pizzaiola, whatever that is?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on September 09, 2009, 10:58:36 PM
Yib. Lamb is good but, what's with the Pizzaiola, whatever that is?

Old Italian recipe Ubbrd.... it's baked in the oven ....exquisite.. it was passed on to me by my mum..from her mum and from her mum.. type it into google and there are variations of this dish...but none like mine.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 10, 2009, 05:01:27 PM
Goodmorning everyone..have I come to the cooking thread..ha..ha will try the soup..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 10, 2009, 05:04:03 PM
Hello, lovely Tommy - let us know how you like it!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 10, 2009, 05:09:38 PM
Hi Countessa..its time for breakfast..see you..bye
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 10, 2009, 05:20:13 PM
(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anijart.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anijart.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anijart.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anijart.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anijart.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anijart.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anijart.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anijart.gif)(http://i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp125/cueperkins/anijart.gif)

Hi Tommy...

Yum Yibby....Pizzaiola....but I'm-a like Scalopene or Chicken Pizzaiola..haven't tried lamb....yet.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on September 10, 2009, 05:45:24 PM
Hello Tommy and Cupie.  Love the I dream of Jeanie gif Cupie.

Hello, lovely Tommy - let us know how you like it!

Countess, I'd have to say I was a little shocked when I first read this and then I realised that you were talking about cauliflower soup....   Or were you??????

Nice pic BTW!!!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 10, 2009, 06:16:44 PM
Merci, lovely Fluffy - and of course it's about the soup! It's always about the soup.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 10, 2009, 06:52:04 PM
Thanks Fluffy...I think Lynn will like that one too if she ever comes back....lol.

Soup...yes, love soup....Pumpkin soup is a major favourite (has to be butternut for me)....and Garlic bread...yep...that one's a definite favourite. (and a great liver cleansing vege is pumpkin)

Home made minestrone....yum...that's great.....

Potato and Leek Soup....definite winner

Chicken and Vege soup....yep...

(homemade of course)...none of this canned rubbish !!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 10, 2009, 06:53:05 PM
Chicken and sweet corn.....but I like it from the Chinese Take-away...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 11, 2009, 05:13:47 PM
Friday..sunny in Ireland..and goodmorning everyone..8.10am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 11, 2009, 05:19:48 PM
Morning Tommy, it's going home time on Friday here so everyone will be no doubt battling Friday Arvo traffic.....Where's Lynn been lately?  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 11, 2009, 06:08:52 PM
Hi Cupie Lynns still around in UK..
...

Father McGee walked into the church and spotted a man sitting cross-legged on the altar.

'My son,' said the holy man, 'what are you doing? Who are you?'

'I'm God,' said the stranger.

'Pardon?'

'I'm God,' he repeated. 'This is my house!'

Father McGee ran into the presbytery and, in total panic, rang the archbishop.

'Your reverence,' said he, 'I hate to trouble you, but there's a man sat on me altar who claims he's God. What'll he do?'

Take no chances,' said the archbishop. 'Get back in the church and look busy!'
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 11, 2009, 06:16:21 PM

Tags: Susan Boyle, Paul McCartney

I Am The Walrus, I Am The Eggman, I Am The Walrus... London -- Sir Paul McCartney, 68, is thinking of asking Scottish songbird Susan Boyle to replace John Lennon, as lead singer of The Beatles. The idea of reforming the Beatles has been on Sir Paul's mind for many years now. He hopes to reform the famous band, he said, "before the end of the century."

When Sir Paul first heard Susan Boyle sing last Spring, he burst into tears.

"She reminds me of John in drag!" said Sir Paul, who had very wide pupils and was struggling to stay seated upright. "I was sitting on the couch last night with Linda and we had the telly on. This dowdy bird comes on and sings one of me old songs. Me and Linda just looked at each other and started cryin'..." he said with a glazed look.

"I wanted to tell John [Lennon] about the idea, but he wasn't picking up the phone. I also wanted to tell George, but he stopped talking to me years ago, just like John. I don't know why." said the stoned old man.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 12, 2009, 06:11:20 PM
5000..watchers...Goodmorning everyone..lovely day here..nice and sunny..9.10am
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 12, 2009, 06:12:12 PM
 
 A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

The 60 year old responded, "Who said he was dead?"

The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"

The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."

The doctor couldn't believe it. "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60 year old responded again, "Who said he was dead?"

The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"

The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again."

The doctor said, "At 106 years old, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"

His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Who said he wanted to?"

 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 12, 2009, 06:18:19 PM
Good Evening/Morning Tommy....we're a bit pre-occupied being pissed off with Ebay at the moment.....so don't be surprised if we're all preoccupied and militant and stuff...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 12, 2009, 06:21:58 PM
Goodmorning Cupie..will watch the boards for angry people....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 12, 2009, 06:48:17 PM
5000..watchers...Goodmorning everyone..lovely day here..nice and sunny..9.10am
:10: :10: :10: :youaretheman: :youaretheman: :youaretheman:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 12, 2009, 07:59:22 PM
Oh mighty snipe-lord, Tommy,  :praise:

It's interesting... There's a strong solidarity that binds people together in adversity and against a common foe. Sometimes this can create truly horrendous bedfellows; sometimes it creates deep and lasting friendships; sometimes it's all just froth and flotsam in the ever-changing sea of those who lack internal direction; sometimes it makes a mighty force who will not be stopped or dissuaded against injustice.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 13, 2009, 06:42:44 PM


St Peter is sitting at the gates of heaven one fine afternoon when this man arrives up in a well pressed blue suit and asks if there would be any chance of gaining admission.
'Well says St Peter, 'I didn't get where I am today by letting every Tom, Dick and Harry walk through these gates. What sort of virtuous qualities do you have which would make me want to let you in?'
'Well says yer man, 'I was very devout. I went to church every Sunday morning, well or ill, all my life, and lived as a good Christian every other day of the week.'
'Umm, that's a good start says St Peter, 'but it's hardly good enough. There are boyos in here who went to church once a day, and three times on Sundays, and had to walk fourteen miles there and back summer and winter with no soles on the shoes of their feet.'
'Well says yer man, 'what about fidelity? I never once looked at another woman in all the fifty years I was married. And before I was married I was as pure as the first day of spring.'
'Unnm, that's highly commendable says St Peter, 'but you have to bear in mind that we're full to the brim in here with men of the cloth who spurned the sins of the flesh from the moment they were born until the day and hour they shuffled off their mortal coils.'
'I take your point says yer man. *What about bravery then?'
'Umm, yes, bravery has a lot going for it,' says St Peter.
'What's your record on the courage front?'
'Well,' says yer man, 'once I walked almost the entire length of the Falls Road singing "The Sash'' at the top of my voice and beating a Lam beg drum until I thought the skin would burst.'
'Oh?' says St Peter, 'and when was this, pray tell?'
'About five minutes ago says yer man.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 13, 2009, 06:44:11 PM
Sunday 9.40am and nice and sunny and goodmorning everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 13, 2009, 09:10:22 PM
Hello, Tommy. It is a dark cold evening here (of course).
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on September 13, 2009, 11:12:08 PM
Evening Tommy and Countess.

I concur Countess, it is a cold and dark evening here.   ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 14, 2009, 05:36:47 PM
WE are back to cold weather
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 15, 2009, 06:18:46 PM
Goodmorning another new day..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 15, 2009, 06:20:25 PM

Who's The Boss

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride and said: "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."
With that she flipped him her knickers and said: "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied: "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
 
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 15, 2009, 06:24:54 PM
Hi Tommy...just heading downstairs to make dinner.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 15, 2009, 10:36:52 PM
Cupie. Sweet & Sour Pluto Pups, beautiful Chinese tucker.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on September 15, 2009, 10:48:41 PM
try Peking Pluto .... mmmmmmm....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 15, 2009, 11:21:19 PM
Sound magnificent Smee, how about sauteed Pups or Pups in Oyster sauce.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 15, 2009, 11:48:37 PM
I'll have a dozen with anchovies!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 16, 2009, 07:42:23 AM
 :sick:  
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 16, 2009, 09:18:10 AM
2 visuals nobody needs. I get that.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 16, 2009, 05:40:42 PM
Goodmorning...everyone..
Job Interview

While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers:

'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.'

Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers.

'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out often, but I'm giving Mick the job.'

'Why's that?' asked Pat.

'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had

'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'.
...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 17, 2009, 06:29:25 PM
Goodmorning
Irish they were and drunk for sure and they sat in the comer of Mulligan's newly refurbished bar. Across the wall opposite was a huge mirror, fourteen feet long and stretching from floor to ceiling.

Glancing around the room Pat suddenly spotted their reflection in the mirror.

'Mick, Mick,' he whispered. 'Don't look now but there's two fellas over there the image of us!'

'In the name of God,' said Mick, spotting the reflection. 'They're wearing identical clothes and everything.'

'That does it,' said Pat. 'I'm going to buy them a drink.'

But as Pat started to rise from his seat, Mick said, 'Sit down Pat one of them's coming over!'



 
 
   
 
 

 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 17, 2009, 06:31:36 PM
G'day Tommy. I like your Irish jokes they are great. It's good to be able to laugh at ourselves, some nationalities don't have that ability.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 17, 2009, 06:44:22 PM
 for..Ubbrd..
A man wakes up one morning with the filthiest hangover and no recollection of the night before. Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table.
He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean shirt on top. The bedroom is immaculate. On the bedside table is a note, which says, 'Darling, your breakfast is in the kitchen. I love you.'
Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, fresh OJ and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for him, along with the morning paper - and his 15-year-old son, who is finishing his own breakfast.
'Tell me, son,' he asks, 'what happened last night?'
'Well, says the boy, 'you came home so blind drunk you didn't even know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a black eye.'
'Christ!' says the man. 'Then how come my clothes are all folded, the house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?'
'When Mum dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put you into bed, you shouted at her, 'Get your filthy hands off me, you whore, I'm married!''
 
 
 
 


   
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 17, 2009, 06:46:19 PM
Yet another bit of brilliance from the pen of Tommy.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 17, 2009, 10:02:53 PM
Yet another bit of brilliance from the pen of Tommy.

He has The Eternal Fountain of Ink!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on September 17, 2009, 10:04:20 PM
lead in the pencil ?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 17, 2009, 10:37:55 PM
Full box of crayons.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 18, 2009, 10:31:13 AM
I love that joke, Tommy! That's how to woo a woman.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 18, 2009, 05:40:39 PM
Hi everyone its 8.40 am..and cloudy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 18, 2009, 05:44:32 PM


A Texan walks into a pub in Galway, Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, 'I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.'

The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer.

Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.  Is your bet still good?' asks Paddy.

The Texan answers, 'Yes', and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.

Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back.  The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, 'If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?'

Paddy Murphy replies, 'Oh................... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.'


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 18, 2009, 06:14:15 PM

Bluebell Troop, Brixton Boy Scouts, prepare for action Boy Scouts are no longer to be permitted to carry knives!

This shock report hit the Scout movement like a tidal wave only last week.

Lord Baden - Powell's grave has been observed to be smoking and there is a rumbling, rotating noise emanating from under the surface of the monument.

The Chief Scout, Lord Peter Mangelson (Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) is on record as sympathetic to the Boy Scouts' cause.

"There has been an upsurge in Scout-on-Scout knife attacks and we must remove the potential. I see no reason why these children should not be issued with small-calibre firearms to replace their knives" remarks The Dark Lord "and we will see to it that every armed Boy Scout has the opportunity to serve in Afghanistan.

"After all", Lord M continues, "these little bu***rs are mainly middle-class and have a sense of duty. We must encourage these young, cheap idealists to play a full part in the defence of the nation".

A passing Boy Scout was heard to remark "Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watcha, Ging gang goo, ging gang goo".

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on September 19, 2009, 02:31:23 AM
*Waves to Tommy*

Hey Lynn where have ya been?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 19, 2009, 06:21:58 PM
 Goodmorning Fluffy......
A man's been drinking at a pub all night.
When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face.
He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail.
He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face.
Finally he decides to crawl the four blocks to his home.
When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face.
He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up.
This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed.
The next morning he awakens to see his wife standing over him, shouting: "So, you've been out drinking again!"
"Why do you say that?" he asks.

"The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again." 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 20, 2009, 04:44:55 AM
LOL!

Ya can't go wrong with cripple jokes.


C):-{= <" theres a little bit of gimp in all of us... "<<
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 20, 2009, 07:25:33 PM
Sunday morning 10.30am...........

Two Corkmen were escaping from a well-protected jail at night. All they had with them was a flashlamp, so when they reached the forty-foot wall surrounding the jail one Corkman said to the other:
'I'll shine the flashlamp up to the top of the wall and you climb up along the beam'.
'Hold on', said the second Corkman, 'how do I know that you won't switch off the lamp when I am halfway up?'






 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 21, 2009, 05:40:18 PM


Hi Monday 8.40 am

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were hungry one night and had money only for a small pie. Since it was too small to divide they decided to go to sleep and The pie would go to The person who had The most interesting dream.
When they woke up in The morning. The Englishman said, 'I had a very interesting dream. I dreamed I was ruler over The whole world. You can't get more interesting than that, so I deserve The pie.'
'Hold it,' said The Scotsman. 'I dreamed I was ruler over The whole universe, so that pie belongs to me.'
'I had The most interesting dream of all,' said The Irishman. 'I dreamed I was hungry, so I got up and ate The pie.'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 21, 2009, 10:39:20 PM
There is nothing more inarguable than an Irishman who's already eaten the only pie in sight.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 22, 2009, 05:47:59 PM
Hi everyone Tuesday 8.45am...
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were confessing their secret vices to each other.

'I'm a terrible gambler,' said The Englishman.

'I'm a terrible drinker,' said The Scotsman.

'My vice is much less serious,' said The Irishman, 'I just like to tell tales about my friends.'

Mirthful Joke
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were out fishing in a boat on a lake together and doing very well.

'This is a terrific spot for fishing,' said the Englishman. 'How will we know where this spot is next time?'

'I've thought of that,' said The Scotsman, 'I've just put a mark on the side of the boat.'

'You idiot,' said the Irishman, 'how do you know we will get this boat the next time?'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 23, 2009, 05:59:47 PM
Goodmorning another new day

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.
The Englishman says "Look at that fine English cow."
The Irishman disagreed, saying "No, it's an Irish cow."
The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. "No, it's a Scottish cow - it's got bagpipes underneath!"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: cueperkins on September 23, 2009, 06:22:20 PM
Hi tommy...hows things...just nicking off for dinner right now...cheers
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on September 23, 2009, 06:24:49 PM
Hi tommy...hows things...just nicking off for dinner right now...cheers



Chuck a T-bone on for me darl.....
;)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 23, 2009, 06:52:31 PM
and a couple of Pluto Pups for me, pleeeeze.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 23, 2009, 07:26:22 PM
Gord Ubb.....don't those Pups repeat on you something fierce? or is the Pepsi to make you burp it all up?  yuk

Yummy Dinner.....an Italian classic......It's called a Schnitzel & Cheese, created by a guy called Tony De Santis of Bill & Tony's Ristorante in Sydney.  You take Round steak and cut it as thin as you can, crumb it and then fry it and set it aside.  Meanwhile, heat up some Bolognaise sauce (which you've already cooked a big batch of ahead of time), and spread a layer of that over the steak, then top with Bega Cheese (there can be no other), a sprinkle of Oregano and a shake of paprika and under the grill she goes till bubbling.  Then eat with crusty italian bread and plain old lettuce...that's right, no frills......and it's absolutely scrummy.

No pluto pup can come close....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 23, 2009, 10:24:05 PM
What about a Schnitzel Pup & cheese? How about a couple of them washed down with a pallet refreshing Pepsi Max? Sounds beautiful.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 23, 2009, 10:35:23 PM
I'll have a double!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 23, 2009, 10:42:25 PM
Yeah. A serving for Tello & me please.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 24, 2009, 05:22:09 PM
Goodmorning *************************************
Mrs.  Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's 
obiturary.  She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word 
and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away.  She 
thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two 
dollars.  But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died."  The newsman said he 
thought old Pete deserved more  and he'd give her three more words at no 
charge.  Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary:  "Pete 
died.  Boat for sale" 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 24, 2009, 05:24:23 PM
The unstopable tommy strikes again!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 24, 2009, 05:25:06 PM
 
The priest was waiting on Saturday afternoon for his usual parade of people coming to confession. In comes a man so drunk, he is stumbling down the aisle, bouncing from pew to pew. Finally he finds the confessional, goes in, and shuts the door.

The priest goes in his side and waits. Nothing happens. He clears his throat so the fellow might know he is there and ready. No reaction. Finally, he starts losing his patience and bangs sharply on the wall three times.

The drunk fellow in the confessional says, "It's no use knockin'...There's no paper in here either
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 24, 2009, 05:31:29 PM


Paddy was found dead in his back yard, and as the weather was a bit on 
the warm side, the wake was held down to only two days, so his mortal 
remains wouldn't take a bad turn. At last his friends laid him in the 
box, nailed it shut & started down the hill into the churchyard. As it 
was a long, sloping path and the mourners were appropriately tipsy, one 
fellow lurched into the gatepost as they entered the graveyard. Suddenly 
a loud knocking came from in the box. Paddy was alive! They opened the 
box up and he sat up, wide eyed, and they all said, Sure, it's a miracle 
of God! All rejoiced & they went back and had a few more drinks but 
later that day, the poor lad died. Really died. Stone cold dead. They 
bundled him back into his box, and as they huffed and puffed down the 
hill the next morning, the priest said, "Careful now, boys; mind ye 
don't bump the gatepost again" 

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 24, 2009, 05:34:34 PM
Get yer own TV Show, tommy!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 24, 2009, 05:35:08 PM


An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Liisa-Sx on September 24, 2009, 05:35:51 PM
LOL I needed a good laugh thanks Tommy and Hello!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 24, 2009, 05:38:06 PM
Snipe 1000
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 24, 2009, 05:40:53 PM
1000 SNIPE :yess: :yess: :yess: :handshake: :handshake: :handshake: :snipewin: :snipewin: :snipewin: :congrats: :congrats: :congrats: :10: :10: :10: :youaretheman: :youaretheman: :youaretheman:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 24, 2009, 05:41:54 PM
******************************************************** 

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. 
No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins 
to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya 
want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!" the 
doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see. 
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be 
praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a 
minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey." Soon the doctor delivers the next 
child. "You've a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter." 
"Thanks be to..." Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mikey, 
Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor 
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection. "Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you 
think it's the light that's attracting them?" 

**************************************** 

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 24, 2009, 05:42:08 PM
Hot dog.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 24, 2009, 05:59:27 PM
 
God visits a man and tells him he must give up smoking drinking and sex if he wants to get into heaven. The man says he'll try. A week goes past and God visits the man to see how he's getting on. "Not bad" says the man, "I've given up smoking and drinking but when the wife bent over the freezer I had to make love to her there and then". They dont like that in heaven replies God.
>

>

>

>




The man says "They're not too happy about it in the supermarket either!"
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 24, 2009, 06:02:38 PM
Imagine: a whole world full of tommys.

It would be wonderful!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on September 24, 2009, 06:05:54 PM
Imagine: a whole world full of tommys.

It would be wonderful!


Wouldn't be enough snipes to go around Tello.

Hi Tommy.   :kisshug:

Congratulations on your snipe, you snipster you!!!   :youaretheman: :youaretheman: :10: :winner:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 24, 2009, 06:13:03 PM
Anybody seen Yib? I'm lookin' for him....
Tell him I got a party invitation for the limey...

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/Skulls/Skulls-30.jpg)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 25, 2009, 06:00:18 PM
Goodmorning everyone 9.00am here

Paddy and Mick were nailing up the side of a wooden house.
Mick noticed that Paddy was examining the nails and throwing away every second and third.
'What's wrong with the nails?' he asked.
'Sure the heads are at the wrong end.'
'You are stupid you idiot, can't you see they are for the other side of the house!.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 26, 2009, 06:17:23 PM
Saturday 9.15am Goodmorning
Paddy Was driving his lorry when he saw a bridge with a sign saying 10 foot max. headroom. He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not , 'A shure I'll give it a go, he thought only to find that his lorry got stuck underneath it. Paddy sat back in his seat, poured out a cup of tea and lit a cigarette. A policeman arrived a short time later and knocked on the cab door which Paddy then opened, 'what do you think you are doing? asked the policeman in a sharp tone, 'Sure I'm having me tea break, replied Paddy, 'And what do you work at? asked the policeman, 'Agh shure I deliver bridges,! smiled Paddy!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 26, 2009, 06:26:01 PM
Mornin Countessa.. your a goodlookin woman...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 26, 2009, 06:34:07 PM
I know where she lives.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 26, 2009, 07:23:26 PM
Thanks tellomon..its a long way for me to travel..ha..ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 26, 2009, 07:28:28 PM
Nevada ain't no closer, dude.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on September 26, 2009, 07:52:47 PM
I have met the Countess a couple of times lately Tello...and she really is a beauty...with a heart to match.

If you get your backside down to these parts..I'll organise a meet up... ;D

I can probably arrange a meetup with just about anyone you would wish to meet....'cause I know lots of people..lol

But the Countess is definitely one you wouldn't want to miss out on.

Fluffy Duck is a looker too...I reckon you would probably have the hots for her...lol

But ...your ass is mine..lol :evil:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on September 26, 2009, 08:03:27 PM

Yes roo I have met the ladies in question......
(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/hubbahubba.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on September 26, 2009, 08:09:04 PM
Us Aussie sheilas are are a pretty good assortment too...don't ya think Yib?

I reckon Tello could do worse than come down here and have a gander.

Aussie women are usually good cooks, lovers, internet experts, hosts, drinkers, and just all round top stuff! ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on September 26, 2009, 08:27:56 PM
Us Aussie sheilas are are a pretty good assortment too...don't ya think Yib?

I reckon Tello could do worse than come down here and have a gander.

Aussie women are usually good cooks, lovers, internet experts, hosts, drinkers, and just all round top stuff! ;D

You forgot... good at lawn mowing...LOL   
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on September 26, 2009, 08:44:11 PM
Oh Darn!  I forgot about the lawns.

I actually pay a man to do them for me...because I work full time and can afford to...lol

But I have been known to push the mower around in earlier years...good exercise, fresh air....and my man (at the time) could sit on his big A watching me..lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 27, 2009, 04:59:45 AM
I have met the Countess a couple of times lately Tello...and she really is a beauty...with a heart to match.

If you get your backside down to these parts..I'll organise a meet up... ;D

I can probably arrange a meetup with just about anyone you would wish to meet....'cause I know lots of people..lol

But the Countess is definitely one you wouldn't want to miss out on.

Fluffy Duck is a looker too...I reckon you would probably have the hots for her...lol

But ...your ass is mine..lol :evil:

You're making me HOT!

 :crayfish:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 27, 2009, 07:15:49 PM
Goodmornin to you all
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on September 27, 2009, 07:16:38 PM


You missed the day here tommy......
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 27, 2009, 07:18:25 PM
I lost most of the day hiding from the wind.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 27, 2009, 07:19:40 PM

Murphy couldn't resist the offer in his local paper. 'World cruise-£200 all in.'

Full of beans, he paid his fare and boarded the liner. On deck he showed his ticket and was immediately chained to an oar, along with hundreds of others. Suddenly a huge black man appeared and began banging a drum. At the same time six sturdy sailors walked amongst the oars beating people with bullwhips until they pulled their weight.

'This is a disgrace,' said Murphy, wincing with pain and exertion.

'This is the twentieth century, and slavery has been abolished. When I get home I'll complain to the United Nations. I can't believe it. And what about that fellow on the big drum?'

'Well,' said Rafferty, 'he's not as good as the bloke we had last year!'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 28, 2009, 03:47:20 AM
That's a Drummer joke, right?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 28, 2009, 01:45:08 PM

'You on the scaffolding - you're fired!' shouted the foreman from below.

'What did you say?' shouted Pat cupping his ear.

'You - get your cards - you're fired!'

'Can't hear you,' shouted Pat.

'I said you're fired,' screamed the boss.

'What?' called Pat.

'Never mind,' muttered the foreman to himself. I'll sack somebody else.'

'You do,' bellowed Pat, 'and I'll have the union on you!'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 28, 2009, 02:06:51 PM
 :o
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 28, 2009, 06:32:01 PM
This link is for Tellomon only...    http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 29, 2009, 12:34:02 AM
Was told off on ebay.. someone reported me about the boob censor...they dont have any fun
show details 9:50 AM (5 hours ago)


Dear tommy.irene,

It has recently come to our attention that one of your posts on our Community
Boards breached our Boards Usage policy.

The public chat, help and discussion boards on eBay are intended to be a
helpful, educational and enjoyable place to meet and converse with other
members. As such, courteous and respectful postings are expected from all
participants. It's against eBay rules to use inappropriate language or post
certain types of material.

Here's a copy of the post in question:

tommy.irene   (88 ) View Listings | Report      28-09-09 09:37 BST
24835 of 24836

This link is for Al* ONLY AND NO ONE ELSE
http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf

TOMMY LOVES YOU ALL

We have removed this post because the following is not allowed on our boards:

Posting material (graphic or text) that is obscene, pornographic or adult in nature.

We realise you may not be aware of this rule. For more information on our Boards
Usage policy please copy this link into a new browser window:

 http://pages.ebay.co.uk/help/policies/everyone-boards.html

We respectfully request that you refrain from this activity in the future. If
you have any queries about our policies, click "Contact Us" on any eBay Help page.

Thank you for your cooperation in this important matter.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on September 29, 2009, 02:24:46 AM
Tommy, best you leave your boobs here, I'll look after them, they'll be safe with me....LOL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on September 29, 2009, 09:31:23 AM
keep abreast of the situation eh Yibs

dont get caught fondling the screen ... you will feel like a right tit

not everyone agrees with that sort of stuff ... you will get your knockers
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *barny* on September 29, 2009, 11:43:56 AM
keep abreast of the situation eh Yibs

dont get caught fondling the screen ... you will feel like a right tit

not everyone agrees with that sort of stuff ... you will get your knockers

Quite witty Smee (anyway I thought so, being a fella)

 :wine:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 29, 2009, 05:58:39 PM
Tuesday 9.00am..Goodmorning everyone


A Kerryman was suffering from pains in his knees, so he visited the doctor.

"You're suffering from a disease that we medical experts call "kneeitis", said the doctor. "Take it easy for a month or so and above all don't climb any stairs. That puts a terrible strain on the knees."

A month later the Kerryman returned and after a brief examination was found to have recovered completely.

"Can I climb the stairs now Doctor?"

"Certainly," replied the Doctor.

"Thank Heavens," said the Kerryman, "I was getting a bit browned off climbing up the drainpipe every time I wanted to go to the toilet."

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on September 29, 2009, 06:09:32 PM
ahhhhh gutter humour !
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on September 29, 2009, 06:10:33 PM
Yo tommy wheres the boobs?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 29, 2009, 06:10:58 PM
I love gutter humour. I hate asparagus
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on September 29, 2009, 06:24:55 PM
Ubb...is there any vegetable you will eat?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 30, 2009, 12:22:10 AM
 
 How sweetly lies old Ireland Emerald green beyond the foam, Awakening sweet memories Calling the heart back home 
 May your troubles be less And your blessing be more And nothing but happiness Come through your door 
 The Harp that once through Tara’s hills The soul of music shed, Now hangs as mute on Tara’s walls As if that soul were fled So sleep the pride of former days, So Glory’s thrill is o’er- And the hearts that once Beat high for praise Now feel that pulse no more. 
 Whenever there is happiness Hope you’ll be there too, Wherever there are friendly smiles Hope they’ll smile on you, Whenever there is sunshine, Hope it shine especially For you to make each day for you As bright as it can be. 
 May this home and all therein
be blessed with God’s love 
 A BLESSING FOR YOU AND YOURS
May the grace of God’s protection
And His great love abide
Within your home-within the hearts
Of all who dwell inside. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on September 30, 2009, 10:02:41 AM
Yeah Cupie, I love chips.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on September 30, 2009, 10:21:28 AM
McPoem.

 :beer:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 30, 2009, 05:11:52 PM
Goodmorning everyone
Murphy had been on the firing range for over an hour and hit nothing.

'It's no good,' he said to the corporal. 'I'll never make a soldier. I'm going off to shoot myself.'

Take plenty of ammunition,' advised the corporal.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 30, 2009, 05:41:25 PM


"Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece ?" "No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !" Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk !!

Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted.
Mike said "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?"
And Brigid replied "Oh Mike that is a ham I am baking ."
Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're
cooking."
Then Brigid said "Oh Mike, I'm saving that for the wake !!"

"Did you hear that Flanagan invented an invisible deodorant ?" "No, what good is it ?"
"Well if you use, you vanish and no one knows where the smell is coming from !"

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on September 30, 2009, 10:43:56 PM
Spotted you again, Tommy! All I need do is follow the trail of jokes around, and I am sure to find you.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 01, 2009, 05:37:49 PM
Goodmorning Countessa and everyone else
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 01, 2009, 05:44:58 PM
'You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!'
'How come every time you ring a wrong number it's never engaged?'
'Spread out in a bunch.'
'Hello, Mary, how's your new false teeth?' asked Bridget. 'I'm leaving them out till I get used to them!' said Mary.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on October 01, 2009, 06:06:14 PM
Hi Tommy.....really hot over here today....scorcher for this time of year approx 30 degrees....Extreme Fire Alert all the way up the and down the coast....but thankfully, no wind....Having a good old fashioned Steak Sandwich and h/made chips for tea tonight...bit like a pub counter lunch...lol...without going to the pub.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on October 01, 2009, 06:21:00 PM
Feels nice being out of "Lock Up", don't it?

 :gaol:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on October 01, 2009, 07:09:37 PM
They don't have steak sandwiches in the lock up do they?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on October 01, 2009, 07:13:28 PM
You were not in there long enuff to find out. And I'm not tellin'.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on October 02, 2009, 04:23:28 PM
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the Hell out of me!'
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault.  Today is my first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'
 
 
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on October 03, 2009, 03:46:43 PM
One for Tommy.


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on October 03, 2009, 04:44:43 PM
It's endless....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on October 03, 2009, 05:01:46 PM
But it's HIS thread tello......live and let live....you have 20 threads of your own...lol...you can't say anyone is a 'favourite'....lol.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on October 03, 2009, 05:02:51 PM
Forgot to mention...Tommy is Irish...Many Aussies have Oirish heritage......and so, we love Oirish humour......hehehehe....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 03, 2009, 06:46:30 PM
Goodmorning  9.45am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on October 03, 2009, 06:47:47 PM
Yo tommy !.........onehunglow   to ya....LOL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on October 03, 2009, 06:48:03 PM
HI Tommy...Queens Birthday long weekend over here...so we have tourists absolutely EVERYWHERE !!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on October 03, 2009, 11:18:40 PM
Forgot to mention...Tommy is Irish...Many Aussies have Oirish heritage......and so, we love Oirish humour......hehehehe....

Don't get me wrong. It's refreshing to know that there's peeps in the world who are more talented than me.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 04, 2009, 05:55:41 PM
Hills as green as emeralds
Cover the countryside
Lakes as blue as sapphires-
And Ireland’s special pride
And rivers that shine like silver
Make Ireland look so fair-
But the friendliness of her people
Is the richest treasure there
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 04, 2009, 05:56:52 PM
Yep, I've seen and walked on those hills Tommy.  Very nice.  ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 04, 2009, 06:04:13 PM
Hi Fluffy duck
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: cueperkins on October 04, 2009, 06:23:19 PM
Hi Tommy...hows things...?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 04, 2009, 06:31:57 PM
Hi Cupie..things are great  .suns starting to shine here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: cueperkins on October 04, 2009, 06:38:14 PM
It's been raining here the last few days...Friday was torrential, but we did need it....so I'm not complaining...we have a lot of sunshine in Oz and we're always in need of rain...lol.... you guys must be the other way around....maybe we take it for granted...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on October 04, 2009, 07:01:45 PM
Hello to everyone. Greenness... how lovely. I see that Victoria (wasn't it called the garden state at one time?) is becoming less green with the water problem.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 05, 2009, 05:11:01 PM
Hi Countessa we are starting to get a storm here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 05, 2009, 05:12:58 PM
Hello Tommy.

I hope you have a good umbrella.

 ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 05, 2009, 05:21:29 PM
I got the watchers snipe 6000 :yess: :yess: :yess: :youaretheman: :youaretheman: :youaretheman:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 06, 2009, 06:19:25 PM
Heavy rain today
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: cueperkins on October 06, 2009, 06:38:11 PM
We got rain this afternoon, through sunshine...really nice.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on October 06, 2009, 06:39:49 PM
big rainbow over sydney tonight driving home, was a classic, wide, colourful etc
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on October 06, 2009, 06:40:12 PM
and the pot of gold ended guess where.... the loo
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on October 06, 2009, 06:40:34 PM
other end was some building in george st.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on October 06, 2009, 06:57:06 PM
Well, well - coincidentally I saw a rainbow tonight as I was driving home. It was in its evanescent final shimmering few moments. I pulled over, stopped, took a picture with my iPhone... I don't know how it turned out, as the rainbow was fading quickly .
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *barny* on October 07, 2009, 06:34:32 PM
In an attempt to keep up with Tommy, I submit the following

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.  Paddy ordered a whiskey.  The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'

Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.  The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'

Paddy replies 'I don’t know!  Its your f***ing plane!!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.  After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spread-eagled & says 'You know what I want don’t you?'

'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What’s a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An Irishman applying for a job as a blacksmith was asked if he had any experience shoeing horses.

He said no, but he had told a donkey to f %#&  off once.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.  A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said 'I don’t think that’s her, she wasn’t that tall!'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour’s dog is barking like mad in the garden.  Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'

Paddy replies 'I’ve put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And this also

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.  'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn’t even know they had mobile phones!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.  Mick say 'Crikey!  There’s a bloke here who was 152!'

Paddy says 'What’s his name?'

Mick replies 'Miles from London!'

 :wine:


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 07, 2009, 07:02:45 PM
Great jokes Barney....
 ?Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam.

Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Paddy: Four.

Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home!

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 08, 2009, 05:49:06 PM
An alien craft is circling the earth and their sentient life alarm sounds, so they land.
Unfortunately its a Sunday in Arizona and they land behind a garage behind the repair bay, and nothing is happening so they shout to each other "ZZorg hhhssd ttyt" and kick the sentient life sensor and take off again
As they're going up the sentient life alarm goes crazy
Beep beep beep so they say again "ZZorg hhhssd tyt" and reland, but this time they land in front of the garage and they see the petrol pumps, and they approach the first pump and say "Take me to your leader" but there is no reply, so they get well angry and move to the second pump and say "Take me to your leader". Still no answer.
Now they are really wild, and move to the third pump; and by this time they have their ray guns at the ready and they say "Take me to your leader otherwise we will vapourize you!" But still no answer.
They pull their triggers-but they don't know that there's 20,000 gallons of gas under the pumps, there is a huge esxplosion and they get blown out into the desert, landing close to their craft, stunned but alive. They get up shaking their heads and one turns to the other and says" You know, I knew they were hard bastards when I saw tem standing in a row with their cocks stuck in their ears"
.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on October 08, 2009, 07:02:50 PM
An alien craft is circling the earth and their sentient life alarm sounds, so they land.
Unfortunately its a Sunday in Arizona and they land behind a garage behind the repair bay, and nothing is happening so they shout to each other "ZZorg hhhssd ttyt" and kick the sentient life sensor and take off again
As they're going up the sentient life alarm goes crazy
Beep beep beep so they say again "ZZorg hhhssd tyt" and reland, but this time they land in front of the garage and they see the petrol pumps, and they approach the first pump and say "Take me to your leader" but there is no reply, so they get well angry and move to the second pump and say "Take me to your leader". Still no answer.
Now they are really wild, and move to the third pump; and by this time they have their ray guns at the ready and they say "Take me to your leader otherwise we will vapourize you!" But still no answer.
They pull their triggers-but they don't know that there's 20,000 gallons of gas under the pumps, there is a huge esxplosion and they get blown out into the desert, landing close to their craft, stunned but alive. They get up shaking their heads and one turns to the other and says" You know, I knew they were hard bastards when I saw tem standing in a row with their cocks stuck in their ears"






LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Now this is what I'm talking about !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 10/10*********
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 09, 2009, 05:50:22 PM



A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.
"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead."
So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, darling?"
"No," she snapped back, "I definitely shut it." Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
The next morning, she woke up feeling a little frisky herself, so she nudged her husband and said: "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all..."
"Don't worry," said the man. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 10, 2009, 05:49:16 PM
An elderly couple were driving through County Kerry, Ireland. Irene was driving when she got pulled over by the Gardai, who asks her, 'Ma'am did you know that you were speeding?'

Irene turns to her husband, Mick and enquires, 'What did he say?'

Mick yells out, 'He says you were speeding!'
The Garda said, 'May I see your license, please ma'am?'

Irene, once again, turns to Mick and says, 'What did he say?'

Once more, Mick, shouts out, 'He wants to see your license!'

Irene gives the policeman her driving license.

The Garda retorts, 'I see you are from Kerry. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had.'

For the final time, Irene turns to Mick and asks, 'What did he say?'

Mick yells very loudly, 'He thinks he knows you!'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on October 10, 2009, 08:13:59 PM
I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on October 10, 2009, 08:54:46 PM
Never mind. We'll care on your behalf. A sort of proxy-care system.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 10, 2009, 11:27:39 PM
Fluffy cares....   :grouphug:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 11, 2009, 06:09:39 PM
Hi everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 11, 2009, 09:04:26 PM
Hi Tommy.  :kisshug:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on October 11, 2009, 09:10:01 PM
Tommy, hello -  :leprachaun: How is this as an Irish emoticon for you?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 12, 2009, 05:32:09 PM
I love the hat Countessa...Hi Fluffy ... :kisshug:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on October 12, 2009, 05:43:44 PM
Hi tommy...you should think yourself lucky...not everyone has their own emoticon....Poddy and I don't..... :hanky:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *barny* on October 12, 2009, 05:50:54 PM
Blardy 'ell...

Tommy has lost his hat... And I believe he is offering a huge reward for it's return.

 :wine:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 12, 2009, 06:08:38 PM
Who took my hat..please return it..me heads cold
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 13, 2009, 09:14:08 PM
Hello Tommy.   What kind of shirt are you wearing?  You look like a preacherman or something. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on October 13, 2009, 09:18:05 PM
Hello Tommy.   What kind of shirt are you wearing?  You look like a preacherman or something. 

Undertaker's costume, sans Top Hat?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on October 13, 2009, 09:22:14 PM
Yeah. I was wondering that. Hey Tommy, are you a man of the cloth?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 14, 2009, 04:31:43 PM
Thats a laught
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 15, 2009, 06:02:57 PM
Hi everyone another lovely day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 16, 2009, 04:59:51 PM


An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month."

Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."

After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad... he went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.

He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, Murphy's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"

Murphy said,"I am dying from cancer, son, I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 17, 2009, 06:25:49 PM
Saturday again
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on October 18, 2009, 01:30:17 AM
Same here.

Friday night is a blurrrrrr.

I'll hear about it Sunday.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 18, 2009, 10:27:49 AM
Have ya found ya hat yet Tommy?     :goodluck:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 18, 2009, 06:09:12 PM
Someone has it Fluffy.

A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes."

...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
 
.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 18, 2009, 06:21:13 PM
SNIPE  1100 :snipewin: :snipewin: :snipewin: :10: :10: :10:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 18, 2009, 07:19:36 PM
Hey, ya found ya hat!!!

Where'd ya find it????
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 19, 2009, 05:27:31 PM
Countessa had it ..Fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on October 19, 2009, 07:12:27 PM
This is me, denying I ever had Tommy's hat.

 :innocent:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 19, 2009, 11:07:39 PM
Well you'd have to admit Tommy that your lovely hat goes with her mask so very nicely!!!! 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on October 20, 2009, 07:26:50 AM
No doubt about it Tommy. it's a pretty nifty hat. It would look good on my melon when I'm shooting arrows.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 20, 2009, 06:16:53 PM
Your not getting my hat Ubbrd.... :archer:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on October 20, 2009, 10:10:47 PM
(http://www.printedclothing.com/contents/media/pc487%20irish%20i%20were%20drunk.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on October 20, 2009, 10:12:53 PM
(http://www.printedclothing.com/contents/media/pc487%20irish%20i%20were%20drunk.jpg)

You are!
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/CreepyPig.gif)
:marvin: :marvin: :marvin: :marvin: :marvin: :marvin: :marvin: :marvin: :marvin:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on October 20, 2009, 10:17:54 PM
crissed as a picket ?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on October 20, 2009, 10:18:20 PM
(http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn211/hetroclite/Humor/Drunk_Kitty.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on October 20, 2009, 10:20:34 PM
Hey Tello. Is that a vampire pig? Check the teeth.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on October 20, 2009, 10:26:21 PM
 :huh:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 22, 2009, 06:09:22 PM
ubbrd  got the 1111 snipe  :yess: :yess: :yess: :archer:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 23, 2009, 06:02:30 PM
It's Saint Patrick's day and an armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The Robber Shoots the Guy Without Hesitation!

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

Did anyone else see my face?' screams the robber.

There is a few moments of silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, 'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on October 24, 2009, 03:14:08 PM
(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/SHAM_115.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 24, 2009, 05:55:21 PM
Heavy rain today
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 24, 2009, 09:12:56 PM
Hello Tommy.

Nice and sunny today here in Melbourne. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 25, 2009, 07:01:20 PM
Another new day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on October 25, 2009, 07:36:34 PM
It was so warm today in Melbourne, Tommy, that I thought with dismay about the summer to come.

Fluffy, do you get the feeling we're in for an absolutely ghastly summer, fire-wise? I'm hoping and praying it won't be as I fear.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 26, 2009, 12:15:35 AM
Yes, Tessa I do fear it will be a long hot summer.  I am hoping that the rain we have had continues so fire prone areas aren't tinder dry.

*Hello Tommy*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 26, 2009, 06:36:01 PM
Hi Fluffy & Countessa
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on October 27, 2009, 07:10:32 AM
Oh dear... I've got a function to attend on Saturday, and I had planned on dressing in my Elizabethan costume, but it is almost certainly going to be WARM!

Hello, Fluffy, Tommy, and of course posters-of-days-ago, Yib, Ubbrd, Tello, Smee and others (but if your name didn't come up in the last page of posters, you're not specifically mentioned, so there!).
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 27, 2009, 06:51:12 PM
Goodmorning all you nice people
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 28, 2009, 06:07:32 PM
The sun is shining today
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 29, 2009, 07:23:49 PM
I first met O'Reilly when I was in St Peter's Hospital, Chertsey, England. He was in the same ward as me and was lying, quite still, in the bed next to me when I awoke early on that Friday morning.

I was taken aback because he was swathed in bandages from head to toe, with just two little slits for his eyes and this made it difficult to engage him in conversation.

However, later that same day, his best friend, Dermot Callaghan, came in to visit O'Reilly and I listened in to their conversation which went as follows:

'What happened to you?' asked Callaghan.

'I staggered out of The Invincible pub, in Shepperton Road, and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through the Co-op's plate glass window,' mumbled O'Reilly.'

'Begorrah,' exclaimed Callaghan in his broad Munster accent, 'It's a good job you were wearing all those bandages or you'd have been cut to ribbons
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 29, 2009, 10:33:11 PM
Good evening Tommy   ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 30, 2009, 05:06:01 PM
Hi Fluffy Duck
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on October 30, 2009, 09:04:53 PM
At least the UK board has been behaving itself of late. It's slow, and gluggy, but those are things to which we're accustomed...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 30, 2009, 10:52:39 PM
Hi Countessa thats because there is nice people here....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 31, 2009, 06:49:00 PM
Another new day and the sun is shining
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on October 31, 2009, 09:39:41 PM
There's thunderstorms and rain here Tommy. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on October 31, 2009, 09:44:55 PM
Fluff you must have copped the ones that came through my place an hour ago.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 01, 2009, 05:38:31 PM
WE got heavy rain now [fluffy sent it]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on November 01, 2009, 08:14:32 PM
Fluffy doesn't realise that those cute little yellow gift boxes of "A little bit of Melbourne" she sends around the world are the cause of all the climate problems.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 02, 2009, 06:26:00 PM
Its still raining
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on November 02, 2009, 06:29:14 PM
FLUFFY! What hast thou wrought? See how you're deluging poor Tommy?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 02, 2009, 06:31:56 PM
MAD DUCK!
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/ODD%20Stuff/Bizaar%20Pics%20and%20Gifs/MonsterChick.jpg)
Run for it!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on November 02, 2009, 08:29:16 PM
MAD DUCK!
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/ODD%20Stuff/Bizaar%20Pics%20and%20Gifs/MonsterChick.jpg)
Run for it!!!


  :bigcalibre:  :tello:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 02, 2009, 08:38:11 PM
MAD DUCK!
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/ODD%20Stuff/Bizaar%20Pics%20and%20Gifs/MonsterChick.jpg)
Run for it!!!



  :bigcalibre: (http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/ODD%20Stuff/lobster.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on November 02, 2009, 08:41:18 PM
:duckling:    ;D :evil:

 :tinfoilhat: :goodluck: :filenails:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 03, 2009, 05:59:13 PM
Leave the little Duck alone..you Bully..here Fluffy this is for you.. :coffeecup: :choc: :choc: :choc: :choc: :choc:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on November 03, 2009, 06:04:08 PM
:duckling:  ;D  *Thanks for the choccie Tommy*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 04, 2009, 05:53:36 PM
GULF WAR HERO

It was the end of the Gulf War. The Arabs stared over at the oil fields and watched them burning. Day and night the flames roared into the sky. The Arabs pondered on how they were going to put out the fires when one Arab suggested that they ring 'Red Adare'. Red Adare was contacted but informed the Arabs that he was busy for the next six months. Red Adare told the Arabs that they should ring his cousin Paddy O Dare from Co Mayo in Ireland.

The Arab got on the phone and contacted Paddy. The Arab explained the problem with the Oil Fields to Paddy and asked if he could help. Paddy Replied: "No Problem." The Arab asked him how quick he could get there and how much would it cost?. Paddy Replied: "I can be there in 10 Hours and it'll cost ya' $10,000. "Great"; said the Arab and hung up the phone.

The Arabs waited in the desert, still watching the flames shooting into the sky, when all of a sudden an open top truck with four Red haired Paddys comes roaring over the sand dunes and head straight into the oil field. The Arabs shouted to no avail, and the truck drove straight into one of the burning rigs. They jumped out, took off their denim jackets and proceeded to beat the fire out with them. The Arabs watched with amazement and two days later the oil rig fire was out. The four Paddys walked to the Arabs and one said...."Jazus..that was rough!"

The Arab, while writing the check for $10,000, said to Paddy; "And what are you going to buy with all this money?. "Paddy Replied: "Well, the first thing I going to buy a set of brakes for that truck!"
 

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on November 05, 2009, 06:18:12 PM
G'day all. this is for Tommy.



[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 05, 2009, 06:25:58 PM
Hi hope everyones happy .....    Thanks  Ubbrd
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 05, 2009, 07:44:29 PM
Slow 2nite.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on November 05, 2009, 07:51:03 PM
Hi hope everyones happy .....    Thanks  Ubbrd

Tommy's got no clothes on !!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 05, 2009, 07:53:24 PM
Yer avatard sucks, too!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on November 05, 2009, 07:54:51 PM
Yer avatard sucks, too!
I'm getting paid to be funny whats your excuse ?....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 05, 2009, 07:56:17 PM
Community Service!

(Tello Files going to 12K!!!)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 05, 2009, 09:55:40 PM
The clothes are on the bottom half
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 05, 2009, 10:12:07 PM
Plaid, no doubt?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on November 05, 2009, 10:12:59 PM


Kilt...?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 05, 2009, 10:20:53 PM
Bite yer pillow already!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 06, 2009, 05:58:32 PM
Hope everyone is at peace with the world
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on November 06, 2009, 07:00:46 PM
G'day Thomas , top of ta mornin' to ya 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 06, 2009, 09:47:26 PM
Hi Smee
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on November 06, 2009, 09:48:20 PM
Yo tommy..your clothes are still missing?...is it hot over there?...LOL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *wheels* on November 06, 2009, 09:49:28 PM
Afternoon Tommy, have you had any sunshine today or is it still raining?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 07, 2009, 06:13:35 PM
Today Saturday and the Sun is shining
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on November 07, 2009, 07:53:02 PM
Hello Tommy!!!  :welcomedesk:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 07, 2009, 08:58:03 PM
My Award Winning Designer Firewood is working fabulously!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on November 07, 2009, 09:46:48 PM
(http://i571.photobucket.com/albums/ss152/fluffy_duckee/middle_finger.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 08, 2009, 06:29:57 PM
Goodday everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on November 08, 2009, 08:38:05 PM
Hi Tommy ....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Centuries on November 09, 2009, 12:30:30 AM
Hello Tommy

(http://i975.photobucket.com/albums/ae234/acaciame/AvatarAustraliaKangarooJumping.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 10, 2009, 05:57:38 PM
Hi ..just passing by
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on November 10, 2009, 05:58:43 PM
Hi tommy, how ya doing ?.... weather good today?...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 11, 2009, 05:55:38 PM
Kathleen Murphy was standing vigil over her husband's death bed. As she held his hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his face, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Kathleen, " he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh, don't talk." But he was insistent. "Kathleen," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Kathleen. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now." "No, no. I must die in peace, Kathleen. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother." Kathleen mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Patrick, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 12, 2009, 06:22:42 PM
What are Irish nurses famous for?

Waking patients up to take their sleeping tablets
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 12, 2009, 06:40:08 PM
Two Irish nurses walk into a bar.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 12, 2009, 09:54:25 PM
ANd buy Tello a drink
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 14, 2009, 05:35:11 PM
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you callin' from?"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 16, 2009, 06:00:40 PM
Rain..rain and more rain today..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on November 16, 2009, 06:33:18 PM
Hello Tommy.  You are looking very pretty today.   ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 16, 2009, 09:55:59 PM
Yes Fluffy I asked Irene take my place today
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 17, 2009, 05:52:59 PM
Irenes away home..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on November 17, 2009, 06:00:35 PM
Irenes away home..

Do you mean 'er indoors ?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *barny* on November 17, 2009, 06:03:01 PM
Irenes away home..

Do you mean 'er indoors ?

Nah.... "She who must be obeyed"

 :wine:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 21, 2009, 04:41:13 PM
A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income.

The husband drove her out to a popular corner and told her he would wait around the corner in case she had any questions or problems.

A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way.

She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband.

The husband told her to tell the client $100.

She went back and informed the client at which he cried,

"That's was too much! How much for a handjob?"

She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.

The husband said, "Ask for $40".

The woman ran back and informed the client.

He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear.

Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was extremely well hung.

She asked him once more to wait a moment.

She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked,

"Now what?"

The wife replied, "Can I borrow $60?"

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 23, 2009, 05:56:55 PM
Nice day here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on November 23, 2009, 06:58:28 PM
It was a perfect day in Melbun today too Tommy!

The gardens are looking all fresh and green....and people's tempers have abated.

People get so cranky when it's too hot.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on November 23, 2009, 08:24:15 PM
Roo, you're right - the rain was deliciously refreshing; it certainly cleared the mugginess of the air.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 25, 2009, 05:12:44 PM
Very stormy in Ireland ..70mph winds
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 27, 2009, 06:15:12 PM
Storms have gone..nice and sunny
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on November 27, 2009, 06:58:17 PM
It's muggy here, yet not really hot... The atmosphere is like a swimmy water tank, which someone's forgot to fill.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 28, 2009, 07:11:53 PM
Another sunny day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on November 29, 2009, 08:51:54 AM
All night long, it rained.

It rained, and rained, and rained.

I had the window slightly open, to let in the cool air, and still it rained, and rained, and rained.

And yet... we're still only at 38% water storage capacity. http://www.melbournewater.com.au/content/water_storages/water_report/water_report.asp
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on November 29, 2009, 09:21:15 AM
i wont tell u uts a beautiful day here then and that i am taking my son to manly for a swum.....lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on November 29, 2009, 09:22:47 AM
uf any other posters are going to manly, i am the guy wuth the son and the swummers on
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on November 29, 2009, 09:23:18 AM
and the kiwi accent.... lol u r sure to find me
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on November 29, 2009, 09:24:05 AM
ozzies wuld love to talk loike us teloooo, i will teach you how to flatten your vowels when u arrive so you fit in better....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on November 29, 2009, 09:24:32 AM
they would also like to beat the all blacks at rugby ....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 29, 2009, 09:33:04 AM
Flocking weirdo!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on November 29, 2009, 09:37:20 AM
A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income.

The husband drove her out to a popular corner and told her he would wait around the corner in case she had any questions or problems.

A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way.

She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband.

The husband told her to tell the client $100.

She went back and informed the client at which he cried,

"That's was too much! How much for a handjob?"

She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.

The husband said, "Ask for $40".

The woman ran back and informed the client.

He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear.

Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was extremely well hung.

She asked him once more to wait a moment.

She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked,

"Now what?"

The wife replied, "Can I borrow $60?"



lol tommy, hilarious!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 30, 2009, 07:11:58 PM
Thanks
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 01, 2009, 06:26:37 PM
Another new day... :santasleigh:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on December 01, 2009, 07:10:21 PM
Yo tommy !.........
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on December 01, 2009, 08:00:03 PM
Santa is checking the UK board as well, wondering what to bring them... and also cursing the fact that, while his outfit is appropriate for a white Christmas there, it's completely inappropriate in Australia where red shorts and singlet (sans any fur trimming at all) might be better suited to this climate at Christmas...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 04, 2009, 05:52:52 PM
THE NEW PRIEST

Father O'Malley, the new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.

The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, I understand and how did you feel about that?" The new priest says those things.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shite! What happened next"
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 05, 2009, 04:28:14 PM
1200 Snipe.. :snipewin: :snipewin: :snipewin:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on December 05, 2009, 04:29:34 PM
Your early tommy ?.... how ya going?....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 06, 2009, 05:24:51 PM
Goodmorning everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on December 07, 2009, 04:41:38 AM
Hello Tommy and Irene

Guess it is raining in mighty Ireland.. :rofl: :rofl:

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas

Westie   :ivanhoe:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on December 07, 2009, 09:22:46 AM

A platoon of soldiers was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist,
 badly injured and unconscious.
 
 On the opposite side of the road was an Australian soldier in a similar but less serious state.
 
 The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the
 Platoon Leader asked the injured Australian what had happened.
 
 The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and
 coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.' We saw each other and
 both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that
 Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.
 
 He yelled back that Kevin Rudd is a bureaucratic, Good-for-nothing, left wing labour
 Richard Cranium who knows bu***r all about running the country.'
 
 'So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!'
 
 He retaliated by yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, so does Julia Gillard !'
 
 'And, there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.'
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on December 07, 2009, 09:35:50 AM
LOL YIBBY
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 25, 2009, 02:28:33 AM
Merry Christmas Everyone..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 03, 2010, 07:30:43 PM


Girlie Wisdom!

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker's.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' ......Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

LIVE SIMPLY.....LAUGH OFTEN....LOVE DEEPLY



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 10, 2010, 02:23:26 AM
Goodmorning everyone..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on January 10, 2010, 05:44:48 AM
good night Tommy ... Smee Enterprises is shutting up shop for a couple of hours shut eye
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 13, 2010, 04:15:30 PM
Goodmorning
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on January 13, 2010, 05:52:56 PM
HI! Could somebody get this demon off my shoulder, pls?

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/ShowLetter-11.jpg)

SEND HELP....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on January 13, 2010, 06:55:03 PM
I can help get rid of him

(http://i625.photobucket.com/albums/tt336/smeeagain61/EatPussy.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 19, 2010, 04:10:08 AM
Do you eat ducks too
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on January 19, 2010, 05:47:33 AM
I have no doubt that Smee has had his share of Peking Duck.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 24, 2010, 06:13:30 PM
and aussey duck to..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Al**Bear on January 24, 2010, 06:37:01 PM
Hi Tommy :indupitably:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: yvonnea6313 on January 24, 2010, 06:40:04 PM
Morning Tommy

Morning Al
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on January 24, 2010, 07:12:08 PM
And hello, Tommy - you've stripped off again! The weather must be terrific on the island, hmm?

Hello, Al**Bear - It's been too long since you posted here. I see you've spotted the "indubitably" emoticon, which is certainly one of my favourites.

(And hello again, Yvonne!)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on January 24, 2010, 09:53:58 PM
:duckling:

Hi Al....  Great to see ya

and aussey duck to..

 :flash: :scared:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Al**Bear on January 25, 2010, 03:29:53 PM
Good Morning or Arvo  Peeps  :busstop:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: cueperkins on January 25, 2010, 03:39:51 PM
Afternoon Al....long time no see....welcome back...hi fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Al**Bear on January 25, 2010, 03:49:18 PM
Hi Cupie

7.50 am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: cueperkins on January 25, 2010, 03:52:24 PM
Has it been as cold in the UK as we've been hearing?....we're imagining a whole lot of brass monkeys running around looking for welders...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Al**Bear on January 25, 2010, 04:03:52 PM
In my area we were below freezing from Dec 18 till last Monday, we had temps as low as -14  C but mostly about -3 C
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on January 25, 2010, 04:06:28 PM
5.55 Monday evening here - and it's actually a lovely day at the moment. The sky is baby blue, the light is clear and rapturous...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on January 25, 2010, 04:08:08 PM
Brrrhhhhhh!!!.....We've been having absolute heat waves over here... 45 degree days for some regions, and even on the coast, it's been pushing 41 degrees and over .

So where are those other two...embsie and logsie?......I see logsie popped in last night too?....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Al**Bear on January 25, 2010, 04:14:03 PM
I'm talking to Countessa and Embsie on the UK RT right now ;)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on January 25, 2010, 04:19:39 PM
G'day Al ... great to hear from you , hope all is well
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on January 25, 2010, 04:24:12 PM
Can you post the link here Al?...so it's easier to find ya's?....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on January 25, 2010, 04:27:07 PM
http://forums.ebay.co.uk/thread.jspa?threadID=1100254966&tstart=0&mod=1264398194026
http://forums.ebay.co.uk/thread.jspa?threadID=1200334552&tstart=0&mod=1264398497558

... Those two will do.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Al**Bear on January 25, 2010, 04:55:20 PM
Hi Smee mate

Hows it hanging ?  :handshake:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on January 25, 2010, 05:50:14 PM
Vonnie's tellin fibs...lol....she said that we never recovered from embsie and logsie's last visit...it isn't true.....we're made of much tougher stuff than that....

Embsie reckons we pelted him with emu eggs....not likely, their endangered, and you wouldn't want mama emu to catch ya steeling her eggs,.....crikey she might kick your dunny down.....



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on January 25, 2010, 06:16:19 PM
Hi Smee mate

Hows it hanging ?  :handshake:
like a Vincent Van Gogh!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on January 28, 2010, 04:12:48 PM
I have no doubt that Smee has had his share of Peking Duck.
cooked Peking Duck for lunch today had it wrapped in thin chinese pancake spread with hoisin sauce  and added spring onion and cucumber ....... lovely !!!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 28, 2010, 06:33:10 PM
Has all the UKers gone home ????
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on January 28, 2010, 06:50:52 PM
They seem to drop in from time to time Tommy, but I guess home is the UK RT...of course...just like this is our home...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on January 28, 2010, 07:04:53 PM
Hey Smee, what's with the spring onion and cucumber caper thing? Shocking way to ruin a good feed.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 28, 2010, 07:39:07 PM
Just like me Cupie..only call in to house to look for mail
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 02, 2010, 08:28:31 PM
No mail today..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on February 02, 2010, 08:29:54 PM
expect heaps on valentines day Tommy !
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 03, 2010, 06:38:02 AM
I expect one from Irene on valentines day
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on February 03, 2010, 05:46:44 PM
I expect one from Irene on valentines day

and a card too ?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on February 04, 2010, 02:26:39 PM
I suspect choccy in the bag.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 05, 2010, 08:22:33 PM
Hope i get choc :mobbing: :mobbing: :mobbing:late
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on February 06, 2010, 07:16:56 AM
Loving chocolate is a beautiful gift. Cheap chocolate is an insult from an enemy.

(Excerpt from "Wise Sayings of the Inscrutable Chocolate Lover")
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on February 06, 2010, 04:10:26 PM
I'm not sure where to post this piece of information but, we Australians & our British friends deserve to know;

Do you remember February 1993 in England , when a young boy of 3 was taken from a Liverpool shopping centre by two 10-year-old boys?   
Jamie Bulger walked away from his mother for only a second, Jon Venables took his hand and led him out of the mall with his friend Robert Thompson. They took
Jamie on a walk for over 2 and a half miles, along the way stopping every now and again to torture the poor little boy who was crying constantly for his mummy.   
   
Finally they stopped at a railway track where they brutally kicked him, threw stones at him, rubbed paint in his eyes, pushed batteries up his anus and cut his fingers off with scissors. Other mutilations were inflicted but not reported in the press.   
   
N.B. :- Remember, a 3year old cannot possibly defend themselves against a 10 year old, let alone of 2 them. 
   
What these two boys did was so horrendous that Jamie's mother was forbidden to identify his body. 
 
They then left his beaten small body on railway tracks so a train could run him over to hide the mess they had created. These two boys, even being boys, understood what they did was wrong, hence trying to make it look like an accident.   
   
This week Lady Justice Butler-Sloss has awarded the two boys ( now men ), anonymity for the rest of
 
their lives when they leave custody with new identities. They will also leave custody early only serving just over half of their sentence.
 
They are being relocated to Australia to live out the rest of their lives. They disgustingly and violently took Jamie's life away and in return they each get a new life! 

Why must we accept such vile creatures from another country?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on February 06, 2010, 04:40:42 PM
Sickening.

Sickening in every respect.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on February 06, 2010, 04:49:08 PM
Meanwhile, Justice is nowhere to be found......
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on February 06, 2010, 05:35:42 PM
I agree Ubbrd.  That is terrible and why should we be lumbered with the rotters.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 09, 2010, 09:34:17 PM
The law is not for an honest person..its free tv in prison and food....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 11, 2010, 07:44:01 PM
Goodmorning all you nice people.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on February 11, 2010, 07:48:04 PM
G'day Tommy, how ya going?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 15, 2010, 07:53:58 PM
Thats 14 Feburary over for another year....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on February 15, 2010, 07:55:10 PM
kept your valentine happy did you Tommy ?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 16, 2010, 07:55:44 PM
Yes Smee sent her a email...ha..ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on February 16, 2010, 07:57:26 PM
good to hear Tommy ...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on February 16, 2010, 08:01:20 PM
Yes Smee sent her a email...ha..ha

What did you promise in the email Tommy?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on February 16, 2010, 08:40:48 PM
If it was chocolate-related, I may demand a chocolate toll...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on February 16, 2010, 09:05:00 PM
Chocolate troll?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 25, 2010, 07:41:02 PM
Good to see this up and running again..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on February 25, 2010, 07:53:37 PM
hello young man ... welcome back , it has been so hard for anyone to get in .....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: wyzeguy60 on February 25, 2010, 07:55:07 PM
i blame the missus
 ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: That Varieties Gal on February 25, 2010, 07:59:30 PM
typical ... :neener:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: wyzeguy60 on February 25, 2010, 08:03:31 PM
 :indupitably:

 :rofl: :rofl:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on February 25, 2010, 09:27:30 PM
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/ODD%20Stuff/caver.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 26, 2010, 05:53:39 PM
Irene says she didnt break it..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 02, 2010, 04:37:24 PM
New month..wont be long to Christmas..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on March 02, 2010, 05:34:54 PM
Yes Tommy, not long at all.  Even quicker to Easter and those lovely chocolate bunnies and eggs....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 03, 2010, 06:02:15 PM
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.


Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'


'My wife's.

''What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'


A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 07, 2010, 06:08:19 PM
Hi im back again...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on March 07, 2010, 06:09:33 PM
G'Day Tommy.   ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on March 07, 2010, 06:13:35 PM
Hi Tommy & cute little Fluffy one
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 10, 2010, 05:52:04 PM
Hi Fluffy and Smee,,Hope you are ok..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 17, 2010, 07:35:43 PM
ST PATRICKS day today ..Have a good day all you Irish people
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on March 17, 2010, 07:38:31 PM

Yo Thomas !! have a green beer on me !
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 18, 2010, 08:29:54 PM
Ok Yibida ..thanks
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 19, 2010, 06:26:50 PM
Where is everyone....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: **Cupie** on March 19, 2010, 06:42:17 PM
ST PATRICKS day today ..Have a good day all you Irish people

Have a good one Tommy...remember as Kermit always said...it isn't easy being green !!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 20, 2010, 08:59:12 PM
Its all over for another year....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on March 20, 2010, 09:02:42 PM
Hi Tommy!!!  Make sure you don't get sunburnt won't you?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 20, 2010, 09:13:03 PM
Hi Lady Fluffy.. i wish i had done this years ago..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on March 20, 2010, 09:14:12 PM
the day after ....

<a href="http://picpoke.com/im/295wa60" target="_blank">[img width= height= alt=Image search at PicPoke.com" border="0]http://lh4.ggpht.com/_JoYo0OUUqmE/Rg0zjYehc8I/AAAAAAAAAIk/A-u4cdNsAx0/s512/Ireland%202007%20114.jpg[/img][/url]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on March 20, 2010, 09:14:46 PM
the day before ...

<a href="http://picpoke.com/im/t9fby8" target="_blank">[img width= height= alt=Image search at PicPoke.com" border="0]http://lh4.ggpht.com/__0we3SzAPrk/R1r7YD91JWI/AAAAAAAAD3Y/nXmXttDf-k8/s512/IMG_0186.JPG[/img][/url]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 20, 2010, 09:16:50 PM
The day after was drunk people sleeping on the streets..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on March 20, 2010, 09:18:49 PM
that caption on the pic (not there) says st patricks itself, must be nice to celebrate it at st patricks have you ever been there tommy?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 21, 2010, 05:30:02 PM
Yes..St Patricks day is all over the World were there is Irish..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 24, 2010, 07:23:41 AM
goodmorning everyone..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on March 24, 2010, 08:09:09 AM
:duckling:  *Good morning Tommy....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on March 24, 2010, 02:19:22 PM
:tello: Hup!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 25, 2010, 09:12:53 PM




After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

' Excuse me, Your Holiness, ' says the driver, ' Would you please take your seat so we can leave? '

' Well, to tell you the truth, ' says the Pope, ' they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today. '

' I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen? ' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

' Who's going to tell? ' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

' Please slow down, Your Holiness! ' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens...

' Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job! ' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

' I need to talk to the Chief, ' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 155 kph.

' So bust him, ' says the Chief.

' I don't think we want to do that, he's really important, ' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, ' All the more reason! '

' No, I mean really important, ' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, ' Who do you have there, the mayor? '
Cop: ' Bigger. '

Chief: ' A senator? '
Cop: ' Bigger. '

Chief: ' The Prime Minister? '
Cop: ' Bigger. '

' Well, ' said the Chief, ' who is it? '

Cop: ' I think it's God! '

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ' What makes you think it's God? '

Cop: ' His chauffeur is the Pope! '




Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 27, 2010, 08:51:02 PM
 
A copper is driving through a deserted wood when he hears somebody screaming for help. On investigating, he finds a man in much distress, tied naked to a tree.
"My life is over!" He wails.
"Never mind about all that, tell me how you came to be tied naked to a tree." Replies the copper, opening his notebook.
"Well, I'm driving my gov'nor's Rolls and although I'm not meant to, I pick up a couple of girl hitchhikers. To cut a long story short, the suggest we pull into the side of the road for a bit of you-know-what. Next thing I know, they've drugged me, stolen my wallet, tied me to a tree and driven off in the gov'nor's Rolls."
The copper starts chuckling and starts running his hands across his butt.
"Hey, man! What the hell are you doing?" He protests. He then screams in terror as he feels something hard pressing against his body - NOT his truncheon! The copper procedes to strip off, still luaghing.
"Yes, you're absolutely right, Sir. It's just not you day, is it?"
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on March 27, 2010, 09:17:03 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wskT6YfVB6E
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 28, 2010, 08:13:07 PM
Goodmorning everyone...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on March 28, 2010, 08:19:35 PM


Hi Tommy !... don't forget the sunscreen !...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 31, 2010, 07:37:16 AM
Ok Yibida i wont forget..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 01, 2010, 06:09:50 AM
April fools day...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 03, 2010, 08:11:43 PM
Thats another day over...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on April 04, 2010, 01:28:36 AM
Yep and now it's Easter Sunday...  (In Australia anyway)

For GR8, instead of chocolate, I thought he'd like eye candy  ==>  (http://i571.photobucket.com/albums/ss152/fluffy_duckee/HappyEasterWomanFlowersRetroFlowers.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on April 04, 2010, 02:25:26 AM
(http://i571.photobucket.com/albums/ss152/fluffy_duckee/HappyEasterWomanFlowersRetroFlowers.gif)

Hey! That's me Mum!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 04, 2010, 07:02:14 PM
Happy Easter Everyone..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 06, 2010, 06:53:52 PM
Is Everyone back to work tomorrow...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on April 06, 2010, 06:56:06 PM
no need to use that sort of language Tommy !
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 06, 2010, 08:31:04 PM
Smee you dont work..your to busy with Fluffy duck..ha..ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 10, 2010, 07:54:06 AM
Weres Fluffy.... :winner: :buttkick: :monalisa: :plane: :happebali: :notworking:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on April 10, 2010, 08:28:57 AM
:duckling:  *I'm right here Tommy.......  




Now where did Tommy hide the chocolate?  Hmmmmmm
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on April 10, 2010, 11:07:48 AM
I'm the lone Australian from this forum posting on the UK boards. *sniff*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on April 10, 2010, 04:52:23 PM
 :blownose: :'(  :hanky: :violin:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: gr8-expectations on April 10, 2010, 05:01:01 PM
surely yer i-phone has a ukforumbuddyapp you can use for some company countless?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on April 10, 2010, 05:02:39 PM
:duckling:


*puff* *puff* *gasp*


Just flown to the UK and back......

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on April 10, 2010, 06:02:59 PM
see you in Tommys secret room if your tired wings need a soothing rub

(http://i625.photobucket.com/albums/tt336/smeeagain61/pollito.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 10, 2010, 08:40:28 PM
I'm the lone Australian from this forum posting on the UK boards. *sniff*
Ill hold your hand
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 15, 2010, 08:11:23 PM
Hi everyone...................
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on April 15, 2010, 08:49:31 PM
Hello, Tommy.

I'll bet it's warmer where you are; Melbourne is shivering.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on April 15, 2010, 10:21:33 PM
Yes Tessa, now it is colder, looking at Tommy's bare chest makes me feel cold.  I keep thinking he should put a jumper on, whereas in reality it should actually be sun screen.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on April 16, 2010, 01:14:04 PM
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/12-30-09%20Random/New%20Years%20Day%202010a/NewYearsDay1010.jpg) (http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/12-30-09%20Random/New%20Years%20Day%202010a/NewYearsDay1007.jpg) (http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/12-30-09%20Random/New%20Years%20Day%202010a/NewYearsDay1008.jpg)

 :snowstorm: :roflmao:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on April 16, 2010, 10:04:22 PM
:duckling:

My what interesting sign writing you have over the Tello. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on April 17, 2010, 05:31:57 AM
*grafitti*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on April 17, 2010, 01:28:25 PM
I think its Pizzweak !
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 17, 2010, 08:13:36 PM
I think its piss writing... though the snow was gone..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 20, 2010, 07:02:16 PM
Some UK planes are allowed to fly again..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 20, 2010, 07:22:51 PM
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray .. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays ... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays ... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I've always been a good servant to you. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself .... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this .... Buy a ticket."



A cabbie picks up a Nun She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.
He replies:
'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you’ve been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
1, you have to be single and
2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says,
'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'


'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush.


But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'


'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party






Lost are

An elephant asked the camel:

'Why are your breasts on your back?'





'Well,' says the camel, I think that's an

inappropriate question from somebody

whose dick is on his face.


 
 @ #1
.


Mission aborted



AN AUSTRALIAN LOVE POEM





Of course I love ya darling, you're a bloody top-notch bird,



And when I say you're gorgeous, I mean every single word.



So ya bum is on the big side, I don't mind a bit of flab,



It means that when I'm ready, there's something there to grab.



So your belly isn't flat no more, I tell ya, I don't care



So long as when I cuddle ya, I can get my arms round there.



No sheila who is your age has nice round perky breasts,



They just gave in to gravity, but I know ya did yer best
I'm telling you the truth now, I never tell ya lies,



I think it's very sexy that you've got dimples on your thighs.



I swear on my Nana's grave now, the moment that we met,



I thought you was as good as I was ever gonna get.



No matter what you look like I'll always love ya dear.



Now shut up while the footy's on and fetch another beer.





 
*marlee*170681  (194 ) View Listings | Report  26-09-08 03:35 BST  7 of 3693  
THE LONELY BRAIN CELL

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.

' Hello?' she cried, but no answer.

'Is there anyone here?' she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

The female brain cell started to feel alone and scared because there were no brain cells around.

Again, she yelled at the top of her voice,

'HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?'

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............








'We're down here.'




 
HOW TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED ADVANCEMENTS


HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.





 
c

He: You look like a picture
She: So do you, you should be hung!!!

 

 
*marlee*170681  (194 ) View Listings | Report  26-09-08 11:




 
wildly_idle  (0 ) View Listings | Report  26-09-08 14:03 BST  11 of 3693  
I was in the bakers earlier today and I thought I saw a
loaf with your name on it,but on looking closer I
realised it actually said "Thick Cut"

 
ronnie-*8slaps*-dog  (11 )  View Listings | Report  26-09-08 14:04 BST  12 of 3693  
PMSL

 
tas_7  (46 ) View Listings | Report  26-09-08 14:10 BST  13 of 3693  
Young nun...in the land of nod...
Thought she'd been visited by God...
But...it wasn't the almighty...
That crept up her nightie...

It was Roger the lodger...the sod...!


 

 
tas_7  (46 ) View Listings | Report  26-09-08 14:27 BST  14 of 3693  
Woman walks into a fishmongers...stands in the queue and eventually reaches the counter...

"Can I have some cod please?"...she says to the fishmonger...
"Sorry love"...answered the fishmonger..."we haven't any cod left"...

The lady leaned over and whispered..."If you could spare a bit of the cod you keep under the counter for your special customers...I'll pay extra"...

"Sorry"...the fishmonger repeated..."there is no cod"...

The lady moved away the counter and rejoined the queue...

Eventually...she reached the counter again...

"Can I have some cod please?"...she asked the fishmonger again...

The fishmonger looked at the woman...and shouted..."look love...I haven't got any f.c.o.d."...!!!

The woman looked quizzically at the fishmonger and remarked..."there's no 'f' in cod"

"I know"...said the fishmonger..."I've just told you twice"....

 
lizmcloughlin2001  (2196 )  View Listings | Report  26-09-08 15:20 BST  15 of 3693  
Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the
answer.

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an
elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; "Mrs.
Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You
lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their
backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize
you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I
know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again
replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster.
He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal
relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the
state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.
One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said:












































"If either of you B******* asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
electric chair."

 
lizmcloughlin2001  (2196 )  View Listings | Report  26-09-08 15:24 BST  16 of 3693  
Towards the end of a round of golf, Harry hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.

Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden . . .POOOF!!

In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your potatoes for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!

Then POOOF! . . . she was gone!

After Harry recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Pete, where are you?'

Pete yells back 'I'm over here in the pussy willows.'

Harry shouts back, 'PICK THE BALL UP PETE! FOR GODS SAKE PICK IT UP!!!'

 
lizmcloughlin2001  (2196 )  View Listings | Report  26-09-08 15:27 BST  17 of 3693  
Little boy asks his Dad....

"Where does poo come from." Dad smiles and says, "Well son, when you eat food it is broken down firstly in the mouth and then the stomach and then the intestine by enzymes. This bulk then travels down the alimentary canal by peristalsis and is discharged as poo!" The little boy looks amazed and says, "Bloody hell, where does Tigger come from then!"

 
wildly_idle  (0 ) View Listings | Report  26-09-08 15:52 BST  18 of 3693  
A German doctor said "In my country we can take a lung from one person & put it into another person and within two weeks have both of them looking for work"
A Russian doctor next to him said " In my country we can take half of a heart out of one person and put it into another and within two weeks both of them will be looking for work"
A British doctor, not to be outdone said " In my country we can take one comfy chair out of scotland, put it in 10 Downing street and have half the country looking for work within 24hrs"

 
geographically*challenged  (501 )  View Listings | Report  26-09-08 18:08 BST  19 of 3693  
RAFLMAO,/b> at all the jokes






Lost are the geographically-challenged

 
fred-up  (1 ) View Listings | Report  26-09-08 22:24 BST  20 of 3693  
Young nun...in the land of nod...
Thought she'd been visited by God...
But...it wasn't the almighty...
That crept up her nightie...

It was Roger the lodger...the sod...!

There was a young lady called Nod,
who wanted a baby by God.
It wasnt the almighty that went up her nighty,
but the vicar the dirty old sod.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



As a member of the ruling class, I demand Iams every day.

 
wildly_idle  (0 ) View Listings | Report  26-09-08 23:15 BST  21 of 3693  
An alien craft is circling the earth and their sentient life alarm sounds, so they land.
Unfortunately its a Sunday in Arizona and they land behind a garage behind the repair bay, and nothing is happening so they shout to each other "ZZorg hhhssd ttyt" and kick the sentient life sensor and take off again
As they're going up the sentient life alarm goes crazy
Beep beep beep so they say again "ZZorg hhhssd tyt" and reland, but this time they land in front of the garage and they see the petrol pumps, and they approach the first pump and say "Take me to your leader" but there is no reply, so they get well angry and move to the second pump and say "Take me to your leader". Still no answer.
Now they are really wild, and move to the third pump; and by this time they have their ray guns at the ready and they say "Take me to your leader otherwise we will vapourize you!" But still no answer.
They pull their triggers-but they don't know that there's 20,000 gallons of gas under the pumps, there is a huge esxplosion and they get blown out into the desert, landing close to their craft, stunned but alive. They get up shaking their heads and one turns to the other and says" You know, I knew they were hard bastards when I saw tem standing in a row with their cocks stuck in their ears"
.




Mission aborted

 
stevie_blunder**  (1295 )  View Listings | Report  26-09-08 23:48 BST  22 of 3693  
Monday morning and mum is in the kitchen. She shouts upstairs to the twins, "Oi, get up you two"
Little jimmy bounds down stairs and mum says, "What do you want for breakfast?"
"I'll have some effin' cornflakes"
Well!! His mum goes mental and slaps him all round the room. Meanwhile, Ronnie arrives and sees all this going on.
"What do you want for your breakfast?"
"Well I don't want effin' cornflakes, anyway"

In the Asylum, only the lunatics feel at home. Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable.


 
jamieuk777  (177 ) View Listings | Report  27-09-08 00:57 BST  23 of 3693  
The optician asks the man being examined if he masurbates a lot.

Why will it affect my sight, he asks.

No she says but it has upset my customers in the waiting room.

 
stevie_blunder**  (1295 )  View Listings | Report  27-09-08 01:00 BST  24 of 3693  
They say that masturbation makes you blind.

HELLO!!!

How difficult is it to aim away from your eyes??

In the Asylum, only the lunatics feel at home. Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable.


 
electric*mayhem*band  (0 ) View Listings | Report  27-09-08 01:37 BST  25 of 3693  
There was a Lumberjack...

...........who lived in an isolated cabin in the great Canadian Wilderness.

One evening, in the middle of winter, when the wind was howling and snow was blizzarding down, the lumberjack heard a faint knock on the cabin door.

He opened it but could see no-one.

"Down here" said a tiny voice.

The lumberjack looked down and saw a snail looking up at him beseechingly.

"Let me in" said the snail, "It's freezing out here".

The lumberjack, annoyed at this interruption to his cozy evening, reached down, and picking up the snail he threw it as hard as he could into the woods.

The Winter ended and Spring gave way to beautiful warm Summer.

And one evening a knock came at the lumberjack's cabin door.

He opened it to find the snail staring up at him.

The snail said "What did you do that for?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"IT'S A HOOT, ZOOT" !

 
*marlee*170681  (194 ) View Listings | Report  27-09-08 03:09 BST  26 of 3693  




An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from the f*ckin' skippin'





 
*marlee*170681  (194 ) View Listings | Report  27-09-08 03:13 BST  27 of 3693  
Three Irish girls all worked in the same office in Dublin with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.

One day the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her.

After all, she never called or came back to work, so
how would she know they went home early??

The brunette was thrilled to be home early.

She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in quick workout at the spa before meeting dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss!!

Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them .


'No way', the blonde exclaimed.

'I almost got caught yesterday.'

 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on April 20, 2010, 07:36:38 PM
Tommy DELIVERS!

 :lmao:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 21, 2010, 06:30:15 PM
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!" The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.

"The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered........











"I'd like a mild heart attack!"


Disinterested intellectual curiosity is the life blood of real civilisation.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 22, 2010, 06:53:56 PM
Act of God.. You sue the churches they work for him..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 23, 2010, 07:17:46 PM
Most flights back to normal..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on April 23, 2010, 10:53:40 PM
Hi Tommy.

Good to hear.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 24, 2010, 05:27:42 PM

A couple is lying
in bed... The man says,
'I am going to make
you the happiest woman in the world..'
The woman replies,
'I'll miss you........
----------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,'
Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
------------------------------------- ------
Q: What do you
call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
-------------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 25, 2010, 06:08:11 PM
A bit of light humour




When you're from the country ~ you look at things a little differently...



A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.

"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."

"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded.

"If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on April 25, 2010, 06:57:18 PM
Hi tommy missed you on the other thread... jeeeese you move fast..... nice weather over there today ?...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 27, 2010, 07:44:15 PM
Snipe..1331...The weather is great in Canary Isles..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 29, 2010, 05:55:49 PM
 
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray .. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays ... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays ... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I've always been a good servant to you. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself .... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this .... Buy a ticket."


















 
colin_in
My doc told me that I had a dose of syphilis
I im it was probably from a toilet seat.
He asked me why I had been chewing a toilet seat!


 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 30, 2010, 05:09:22 PM
Hi Tello Welcome to my Facebook..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on April 30, 2010, 05:37:50 PM
Hi Tommy! Your Profile RULES!

THX for the add, and I'll email ya later.

Cheers!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 30, 2010, 05:47:41 PM
Exhausted after padding all the way from the golden sands of Australia... 
countessalmirena  (147 ) View Listings | Report  20-07-09 15:35 BST 
... once again, the Australian lodgers reveal themselves.

This time, the sense of exhaustion is even stronger. But those born upon the shores of this biscuit-shaped land have a peculiar virtue (quite apart from having bad taste in hats) - they exemplify the "pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again" philosophy.

Hello again. (Well, I didn't actually leave, but I thought I'd wave hello once more, just in case...) 
Were has everyone gone to ..please post
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on April 30, 2010, 09:45:06 PM
They're in Oz, Mate!

Good luck with that!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 01, 2010, 05:40:03 PM
Hi everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on May 01, 2010, 08:11:35 PM
:duckling:  *Yo Tommy!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 02, 2010, 05:25:58 PM
Hello Fluffy...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on May 02, 2010, 07:08:05 PM
:duckling:  *It'll be getting hot up your way soon Tommy.  Getting cold here.   I hate cold weather.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 02, 2010, 11:20:46 PM
(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/12-30-09%20Random/New%20Years%20Eve%2009/NewYearsEve003.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on May 03, 2010, 12:08:05 AM
Nice paint job.

Next time get them to mask off the windscreen.



 :potstir:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 03, 2010, 12:19:39 AM
Meh.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 03, 2010, 05:19:38 PM
Looks like a truck under that white paint..ha..ha
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 03, 2010, 08:30:36 PM
You guys just don't get it, do ya?

I was taking a stab at the Duck about "cold weather".

Now shove off!

lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 04, 2010, 06:09:40 PM
You need a knife to stab a duck... Hi Tello hows things..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on May 05, 2010, 12:18:00 AM
:flash:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 05, 2010, 12:20:18 AM
Hi Tommy! Things are fine.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 06, 2010, 05:28:55 PM
Goodmorning all you nice people.. 8.30am here
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on May 06, 2010, 10:45:11 PM
So Tommy... living in the canary islands now is your favorite dish canary pie ?.... LOL
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on May 06, 2010, 11:29:54 PM
Do they do a good Pluto Pup in the Canary Islands Tommy? How about Pepsi Max, is there a plentiful supply?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 08, 2010, 05:44:09 PM
Duck is nice here..dont tell Fluffy..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 08, 2010, 06:10:50 PM
Hi Tommy!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on May 08, 2010, 06:34:26 PM
Duck is nice here..dont tell Fluffy..

Hello Tommy, I didn't hear that.....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 10, 2010, 06:38:33 PM
another nice day ..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 12, 2010, 05:12:11 PM
 ;D ;D Morning everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: retribution on May 12, 2010, 05:30:04 PM
Afternoon here 3.30 pm

Tommy are you a coin collector?


 :crazy:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 14, 2010, 04:29:26 AM
Checkout his facebook profile!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: retribution on May 14, 2010, 04:33:31 PM
Checkout his facebook profile!

OK I'm dumb. How do I do that?

If you got URL put it up please. Thanks from fellow 50 cal user. LOL

 :crazy:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 14, 2010, 04:57:13 PM
Checkout his facebook profile!

OK I'm dumb. How do I do that?

If you got URL put it up please. Thanks from fellow 50 cal user. LOL

 :crazy:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1307992503&ref=ts (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1307992503&ref=ts)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: retribution on May 14, 2010, 05:03:03 PM
Checkout his facebook profile!

OK I'm dumb. How do I do that?

If you got URL put it up please. Thanks from fellow 50 cal user. LOL

 :crazy:

Thanks Tello

Doesn't appear to have any other likes than watching TV. LOL

It answered my question.

 :crazy:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1307992503&ref=ts (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1307992503&ref=ts)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 15, 2010, 05:47:11 PM
Dont do coins... but i love sea fishing..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 17, 2010, 05:57:25 PM
Goodmorning everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on May 17, 2010, 10:16:21 PM
Good evening Tommy!!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 18, 2010, 05:39:19 PM
It's a bit early for Iceland volcano jokes. We should wait awhile for the dust to settle.


I see that America has declared war on Iceland . Apparently they are accusing them of harbouring a weapon of ash eruption.

~ ~ ~


It was the last wish of the Icelandic economy that its ashes be spread over Europe .

~ ~ ~

Iceland goes bankrupt, then it manages to set itself on fire. This has insurance scam written all over it.

~ ~ ~

Iceland , we wanted your cash, not your ash.

~ ~ ~

Waiter, there's volcanic ash in my soup. I know, it's a no-fly zone.

~ ~ ~

Richard Curtis is working on a new rom-com about people stuck in an airport who fall in love. The working title is "Lava Actually."

~ ~ ~

I came out my house yesterday and was hit on the head by a bag of frozen sausages, a chocolate gateau and some fish fingers. I realised it must be the fallout from Iceland .

~ ~ ~

Volcano in Iceland ... What next Earthquake in Asda?

~ ~ ~

Woke this morning to find every surface in the house covered in a layer of dust and a foul stench of sulphur in the air. No change, I?ve been married to that bone-idle cow for 20 years.


Vote for the Icelantic volcandic ash party they blocked all immigration flights all over the world.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 18, 2010, 05:44:18 PM
An old couple in their eighties get written off in a plane crash. The bloke wakes up to soft music and warm colours.
"What's happened - where am I?" He cries out.
"Welcome to Heaven." Said Peter. "You've both lead good Christian lives, and now this is your home for all eternity."
He wanders round Heaven in awe, exploring it's beauty beyond words, and sees the most fantastic golf course.
"It's all free, and you can play until four in the morning, as it never gets dark." Comments Peter. Opening another door he sees tray upon tray of cream cakes, and reaches out for one, only to have his knuckles rapped by his wife.
"Now, now George! You can't have any of that - you've got to watch your cholestrol!" Peter rolls his eyes.
"Lady, you have no heart, you have no cholestrol."
"Tell me something, has it always been like this?"
"Of course."
The old man turns to his wife:
"D'you hear that, woman? You stupid cow - had it not been for you and your health foods, I could have been up here twenty bleedin' years ago!"

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 19, 2010, 03:49:22 PM
Irish Virginity Test Kit

Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"

The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 20, 2010, 05:08:04 PM
Baptising an Irishman

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes
upon a preacher baptising people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of
alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for
a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found
Jesus me brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in
the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when
he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the
drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

(Are you ready for this????)



The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the
preacher, 'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: retribution on May 21, 2010, 02:07:22 PM
 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:




:crazy:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Centuries on May 21, 2010, 05:47:34 PM
Baptising an Irishman

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes
upon a preacher baptising people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of
alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for
a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found
Jesus me brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in
the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when
he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the
drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

(Are you ready for this????)



The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the
preacher, 'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'



I am using that one :applause: :lol:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 24, 2010, 07:40:49 AM
goodmorning everyone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on May 24, 2010, 09:11:01 AM
Good morning Tommy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 25, 2010, 06:17:09 PM
Goodmorning Lady Fluffy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 25, 2010, 07:43:28 PM
Hi Tommy!

(http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/eBay%20nasty%20pix-gifs/119077409_o.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on May 26, 2010, 02:20:56 AM
Passed by here frequently enough - but I must ask your forgiveness for my rudeness, Tommy, in not saying Hello more often!

HI TOMMY!!


As for Tello - careful there .... you're skirting inside the arena of credibility.

Love the piggy bank and the caption.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 26, 2010, 02:30:33 AM
Hey Horse, ya know something?

Tommy, Irene and me are on Facebook....and you are NOT!

word
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on May 26, 2010, 02:31:39 AM
My choice.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 26, 2010, 02:39:12 AM
Well....yeah!......
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 27, 2010, 07:24:48 AM
another day.. another doller
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 27, 2010, 05:39:19 PM
Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe . We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:







'You got Male!


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 27, 2010, 05:40:52 PM
WIN!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 27, 2010, 05:49:16 PM

Cherie Blair's Chauffeur.


Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.

Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:

'You get out and check - you were driving. '

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie.

Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

'My god, what happened to you? 'asks Cherie.

The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. '

'What on earth did you say? 'asks Cherie.

' I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them:




' I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.'


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 27, 2010, 06:00:57 PM
A senior citizens group charters an overnight gambling casino bus trip from Coffs Harbour to the Sunshine Coast.

As they enter Queensland , an elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.

The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area.

When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.

'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.

'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 29, 2010, 07:56:05 PM
A man walks into a pub with an ostrich and a pussy cat. He goes up the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat."
The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!"
So the man goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky.
Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why do you hang out with him?"
The man replies: "I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever."
"What did you wish for?" enquires the barman.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

"A long-legged bird with a tight pussy…"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 29, 2010, 07:58:53 PM
LOL!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 30, 2010, 04:20:53 PM
The Pope and Tiger Woods die on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to Hell and Tiger Woods went to Heaven.

The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. "However", the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified".

Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.

On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from Heaven and they stop to have a chat.

"Sorry about the mix up", apologizes the Pope.

"No problem" replied Tiger Woods.

Pope: "I am really anxious to get to Heaven"

Tiger: "Why is that?

"Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"

Tiger: "You're a day late."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 31, 2010, 12:29:13 AM
I hate that guy!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on May 31, 2010, 08:10:39 AM
I hate that guy!

No he is ok that pope once you get to know him
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on May 31, 2010, 11:11:39 AM
I hate that guy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPEi_OgmZ9g
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on May 31, 2010, 11:27:41 AM
I hate that guy!

No he is ok that pope once you get to know him

Not the pope. Tiger!

No, wait...BOTH of them!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 31, 2010, 05:54:36 PM
Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant."Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please". The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea.

So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant."Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding.

He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 01, 2010, 06:32:02 PM
 


Paddy english man irish & scots are on a train compartment together with a hot babe & an old dear. the train goes through a tunnel.........SMACK!!!!!!!! train emerges from tunnel paddy english man has been decked is on the floor holding his smacked puss. Hot babe thinks "he just felt up the old dear thinking it was me & she decked him". Old dear thinks "he just felt up that young girl & she decked him ". Paddy irish man thinks "I cant wait til the next tunnel so i can smack that english man again"
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 04, 2010, 06:36:25 PM
Goodmorning everyone...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 05, 2010, 01:06:08 AM
Morning Tommy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on June 05, 2010, 03:29:18 AM
It'll be heading towards 'Good Evening Tommy' soon...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 07, 2010, 05:48:49 PM
A typically English 40 year old bloke, having split from his
latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a
Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is,
until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies,
nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when
the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In
disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'
She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I
landed here when the cruise ship sank.'

'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a rowing
boat wash up with you.'

'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of
raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern
came from a Eucalyptus tree.'

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side
of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I
found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the
hardware.'

The guy is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of
rowing, she docks the boat at a small quay. As the man looks to shore,
he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp
rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much
but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?'
'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take
another drop of coconut juice.'
'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How
would you like a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and
they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their
stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more
comfortable.

Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a
razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.' No longer questioning anything,
the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from
a piece of tortoisebone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are
fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but
vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She
beckons for him to sit down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, sliding closer to him,
'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's
something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something
you've been longing for?'

She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing.

'You mean..... (he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in
his eyes.)

'Don't tell me you've got Sky Sports'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 09, 2010, 07:29:02 PM
CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL WARNING

Due to increasing products liability, alcoholic beverages manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning label be placed immediately on all bottles:

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a w@nker.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name, and/or species you can't remember).

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-Fu powers.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
 



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 10, 2010, 05:50:52 PM
Goodmorning Everyone,,Another warm day .. 44* ..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on June 10, 2010, 05:56:13 PM
well above the average for this time of year , or anytime of year for that matter according to this Tommy

http://www.canaryforum.com/weather.html

hope you enjoy a cold beer ?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 10, 2010, 06:22:01 PM
400..SNIPE.. they say it was 55* last year in heatwave..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 10, 2010, 06:40:15 PM

Lawyer Joke
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 11, 2010, 06:23:18 PM
MY DEAREST WIFE

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

**********************

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife
 

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 12, 2010, 07:28:50 PM
INTERNATIONAL HUMAN RIGHTS ORGANIZATIONDEPARTMENT OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS WEST- AFRICAN ZONAL COMMAND 5, MOHAMMED BUHARI WAY ABUJA – NIGERIA TELE : +234-807-508-1267Email : marerejerraton222@yahoo.com.hk     Our ref:IHRO/RXX/2010    PAYMENT NOTIFICATION    Attn: Beneficiary    My Name is Jerraton Marere, a representative of International Human Rights Organization (IHRO) in Nigeria,West Africa. With respect to Category 'A' of International human rights organization act of 2007 on scams, contractual and foreign beneficiary funds, in conjunction with the determine interest of this organization in restoring human rights violated/ dignity.   There was an important meeting held on 1st of June, 2010,at the Presidential Villa on foreign debt settlement with the following offices.   - Office of the Presidency.  - Office of the International Human Right Organization(IHRO)  - Representatives of United Nations  - Representatives of world Bank.   During this crucial meeting, it was agreed that two categories of people are to be paid, the first is all overdue Contractual/Foreign Beneficiary Debt. Second being those that have lost their money in the hands of some imposters.   With the help of World Bank, the sum of US$8.5Billion has been placed in the Federal Reserved Account to offsetting these debts.   An Authoritative letter to conduct this payment and lists of names were forwarded to my Office (IHRO) from the Presidency, he said that the listed names was compiled by the Nigerian Financial Security Agency(NFSA) after their findings.   Am glad to announce to you that the sum of US$ 2Million (TWO MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) has been attached to your name among the listed names that will receive their money during this exercise. Your payment information is as follows:   1. Payment reference number….IHRO/08/FGN/5-118.  2. Allocation amount …..US$2MILLION.  3. Password number….FUND RELEASE/9955104  4. Certificate of merit payment number...45084JB.   Meanwhile, a woman came to my office few days ago with a letter, claiming to be your representative. Here are the information provided by her:   Name: Mrs. Dianna Koyayesva  Bank Name: Citi Bank, New York  Account Number:6503809428  Bank Address: New York, NY 10018.   For your information, I have placed a stop order on the fund not to be transferred to City Bank, until we receive further clarification from you. Please do reconfirm to this office, as a matter of urgency if this woman is from you so that this money will not be made to the wrong person. However, provide these information to this office immediately:   1 Your full name........    2 Your full contact address.....    3 Your fax/tel number.......    These your information is a proper means to verify your file, to avoid making payment to the wrong person.  Finally, we shall proceed to issue all payments details to the said Mrs. Dianna Koyayesva, if we do not hear from you soon.    Congratulations in advance.     Yours Faithfully, Jerraton Marere Rep. IHRO. TELE : +234-807-508-1267Email : marerejerraton222@yahoo.com.hk 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 13, 2010, 05:26:09 PM
A family is at the dinner table.
The son asks his father,"dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

The father,-surprised, answers,"well son,there are three kinds of breasts.

In her 20s,a woman's breasts are like melons,-round and firm.

In her 30s-40s, they're like pears,still nice but hanging a bit.

after 50, they are like onions."



"onions?"



"yes'you see them and they make you cry."


THIS infuriated his wife and daughter,

So the daughter said

"Mum how many kinds of 'willies' are there"

The mother,surprised,!-smiles and answers "well dear,

A man goes through three phases.

In his 20s his willy is like an oak tree,mighty and hard.

In his 30s-40s,it is a birch,flexible,but reliable.

after his 50s,it's like a christmas tree"


her daughter says "a christmas tree?".

MUM says yes,"dead from the roots up and the balls are for decoration ONLY
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 15, 2010, 01:42:52 PM
PADDY THE KERRYMAN DIES


Paddy the Kerryman died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Seamus and Seanin (Also Kerrymen), were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Seanin in to identify the body. Seanin took a look at him and said, "Yup he's burnt real bad, roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Seanin looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy".


The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Seanin said, "Well, Paddy had two anatomical conundrums." "What, he had two anatomical conundrums?" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew he had two anatomical conundrums. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two anatomical conundrums...."
 



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on June 16, 2010, 12:21:29 AM
:duckling:  *Hello Tommy
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 17, 2010, 06:11:21 PM
A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going,
everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other.

The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court".

The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened". The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride. The judge says "OK".

"Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song.. when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates".

The Judge instantly responded... "God.. that must of hurt!"
Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my fingers."

 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 19, 2010, 08:03:02 PM
 A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 20, 2010, 05:18:04 PM
HOW TO BE THE BOSS

When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The brain explained, "Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss."

The feet suggested, "Since I carry man wherever he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss."

The hands argued, "Since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss."

And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss.

Finally, the anatomical conundrum spoke up and said it was going to be the boss.

All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the anatomical conundrum being the boss. The anatomical conundrum got so mad that he closed up and refused to function.

After a few days, the brain grew feverish and could barely think, the feet felt like lead weights and were too weak to drag the body anywhere, the eyes got crossed and couldn't see, and the hands hung useless at the sides. They all conceded and made the anatomical conundrum boss

And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the anatomical conundrum just bossed and passed out a lot of crap.

THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an anatomical conundrum.

Alternate moral: No matter how well things are going, it can all be shut down by a single anatomical conundrum
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 22, 2010, 06:14:59 PM
SHE WAS SO BLONDE, THAT...

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.

When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".

She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 23, 2010, 06:45:00 PM
So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on June 23, 2010, 07:55:21 PM
swearing !!! talk about swearing ...... I am so unlucky I bought a sat nav the other day and its got tourettes
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 24, 2010, 07:59:55 PM
AFRICAN JOKES - RUSSIAN ROULETTE

An African leader makes an official trip to Russia. At the end of the trip, the Russian leader tells the African that in Russia they have a custom performed at farewells called "Russian Roulette" to demonstrate one's courage. The Russian whips out a revolver, loads one chamber, gives the cylinder a spin, puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger.....CLICK.....empty chamber. He hands the revolver to his African guest, and says, "Your turn." Not to be outdone, the African repeats the ritual....CLICK.....empty.

The next year, the Russian visits the African country. At the end of the trip, the African tells his Russian peer that he was very impressed with "Russian Roulette" and that he has spent the last year devising an African ritual to demonstrate one's courage. The African then disappears through a door only to reappear a few minutes later smiling, and says, "Your turn."

The African escorts the Russian through the door. In the room are six of the most beautiful, naked women he has ever seen. The African explains that he is to choose one of the women, who will perform oral sex on him. Absolutely dumbfounded, the Russian asks, "What kind of test of courage is this?! "The African calmly answers...."One of them is a cannibal."
 

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 25, 2010, 05:39:39 PM
A man is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner. He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams 'PIG!'

Astonished, the man turns and yells back, 'Irma Grese!' as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on June 26, 2010, 09:02:09 AM


Hello Tommy..........how would you be?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 26, 2010, 06:21:51 PM



Goodmorning everyone..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 26, 2010, 06:36:07 PM
 rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 50th birthday. During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.
"I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that pool."
So the party continues with no events in the pool until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.
In the pool a man is swimming as hard as he can and fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and gets out of the pool, tired and soaked. The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, "I am a man of my word. Anything of mine I will give: my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?" The guy grabs the microphone and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the jerk who pushed me in!"

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on June 26, 2010, 06:37:15 PM
Hi Tommy.

Sydney weather has been cool with some cloud and a few spots of rain in some areas - how's it where you are?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 27, 2010, 05:37:27 PM
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:

My wife and I are travelling by car from Victoria to Prince George. After almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decide to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands us a bill for $350.00.

I explode and demand to know why the charge is so high. I tell the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use. ‘But we didn't use them. ‘Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.

'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' .'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, I reply, ‘But we didn't use it!'

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.

I write a cheque and give it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' 'this cheque is only made out for $50.00. ''That's correct, as I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife.'

'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

'Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have.'


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 27, 2010, 05:38:21 PM
The weather here is 30*..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 27, 2010, 05:48:36 PM
Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner? So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says: "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said: "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family". "Very good" said Dracula. The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Dracula astonished says, "How did you do that?" The bat replies " Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children". "Impressive" said Dracula. Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned. "How on earth did you do that????" he asked. And the bat replies. "Do you see this tower?" Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says "Well, I didn't".

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: That Varieties Gal on June 27, 2010, 09:06:47 PM
 :rofl: :10:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 28, 2010, 06:21:54 PM
Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.
The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Merv asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And the gentleman answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." Merv got very angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" and she replied: "Well, you have no ears." Merv again was upset and tossed her out.
The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, the young man answered: "Yes. You wear contact lenses."
Merv was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?"
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!"

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on June 28, 2010, 06:54:17 PM


  Hello Tommy........the big freeze is on over here at the moment, we should be thawed out by Christmas at this rate!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on June 28, 2010, 06:59:05 PM
Global warming !!! its rife
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 29, 2010, 06:26:59 PM
Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot - with just two little slits for his eyes.

'What happened to you?' asked Cassidy.

'I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.'

'Begod,' said Cassidy. 'It's a good job you were wearing those bandages or you'd have been cut to ribbons
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 30, 2010, 06:08:07 PM
A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor the doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father." So the married couple decided that they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband said "I feel okay turn it up a lot more" so the doctor turned it up to 50% and the husband said "why don’t you just put it all on me cause I’m not feeling a thing" but the doctor warned them "this much could kill you if your not prepared", and the husband replied "I am ready "so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband didn’t fell a thing so they went home happy with a pain free labor, but when they got home the mailman was dead on the front porch!

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 01, 2010, 06:33:02 PM
While living in Denver the weatherman said, expect 10 to 12 inches of snow tonight so park on the right side of the road so we can plow the left side. Willie’s wife ran out and parked on the right side. The next week the forecast called for another 10 to 12 inches of snow, but this time he said park on the left side. So Willie’s wife ran out and parked the car on the left side of the road. The following week he said 16 inches of snow expected park, the lights went out and all our power was lost. Willie’s wife said, my goodness, now I don’t know where to park the car. “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage!” Willie said.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 02, 2010, 04:54:13 PM
Yesterday my wife asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said "are you nuts? You're 73 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, "You idiot, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"

I'm in trouble again and don't know what to do! I signed up for five jumps a week!

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 04, 2010, 06:18:47 PM
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at
the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy
25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her
youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens
intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At
the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the
trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They
are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to
marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her
you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 07, 2010, 06:44:56 PM
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 09, 2010, 06:57:56 PM
Insurance Company
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 09, 2010, 09:05:32 PM
:duckling:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 13, 2010, 05:54:08 PM
Tim was at school today and the teacher asked all the kids what their dads did for a job.

Kids yelled Fireman, chippy, plumber etc.... but Tim kept his mouth shut -
so the teacher asked him 'Tim what does your father do for a job'?

"My dad dances in a gay club and takes of his clothes for the men. If they pay enough, he will go out with a man, rent a hotel room and sleep with them."

The teacher sent the other kids out to lunch and took Tim aside to ask if that was true.

'No' said Tim "He plays football for England , but I was too embarrassed to say.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 14, 2010, 05:53:36 PM


SHORT IRISH JOKES

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said Finnegan.

An IRA man shows up at the pearly gates and St. Peter comes out to greet him. St. Peter takes one look and says "I don't think you can get in here.The IRA man says"Who wants in? You've twenty minutes to get the *#!@ out!

"Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?" asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt. "Do we now?" came New York Mayor Al Smith's reply.

Seamus do you understand French, I do if its spoken in Irish.

Two Irishmen had just won $5000,000 in a lottery. Having a pint in a pub Tim say to Sean, what about all them beggin letters, Sean replies, we'll just keep sending them.

What have Irishmen and Jesus Christ got in common?
The both lived with their mother until they were 33 and neither had a job.

How do we know that Christ was Irish?
Because he was 33 still lived at home thought his mother was a virgin and she thought he was the son of God.

Paddy was rather sad after viewing the body of a dead atheist.
"There he was. All dressed up and no place to go."

Paddy was walking through a graveyard when de came across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."
"Faith now," exclaimed Paddy, "I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave."

Seamus was getting irate and shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry up or we'll be late."
"Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?"

Two lawyers standing before an Irish judge got into a fierce argument.
At last one lawyer lost his temper and shouted, "Sir you are the biggest fool that I have set eyes on."
"Order, order," said the Irish judge. "You seem to forget that I am in the room."

Incomprehensibly, the last coach of the train on a normal route kept getting smashed up by vandals. A porter came up with an idea.
"Why don't we leave the last coach off!"

"Well, Mike," said the doctor. "I can't quite diagnose your case. I think it must be the drink."
"Sure, that's all right, doctor," said Mike. "I know how you feel. I'll come back when you're sober."

She followed her husband to the public house. "How can you come here," she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, "and drink that awful stuff?"
"Now!" he cried, "And you always said I was out enjoying meself."

Why does it take five Irishmen to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb. Four to remark about how grand the old bulb was.

"I hear Murphy died, " said Pat. "Was he ill long?"
"No," said Mick. "He died in the best of health."

First Irish Farmer: "My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it."
Second Irish Farmer: "Did you shoot it in the hole?"
First Irish Farmer: " No, in the head."


 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 16, 2010, 07:49:34 PM
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says: "I think I can get you out."
So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up."
The chicken does this and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: yvonnea6313 on July 18, 2010, 05:31:47 PM
Good morning everyone  :)

I've not been here for a while so many things to do and work has kept me busy, then I forgot my password  :enraged:

So I've finally got a new one and thought I'd just come and say a quick hello to everyone especially Countess who we haven't spoken to in the UK for some time now.  And just for you Countess I've been enjoying some huge delicious really juicy home grown strawberries - want some  :yess: 


Anyway hope you are all well and enjoying the weather - they have given us a hosepipe ban here as we had a couple of days sunshine and as soon as the ban came into force - it rained!!! and it's not stopped raining since, with only an ocassional ray of sunshine >:(

So I'll wish you all gooday and see you soon

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 18, 2010, 05:38:00 PM
I'm the unluckiest person in the whole world, moaned Betty McGrath.

I bought a non-stick pan and can't get the label off.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 18, 2010, 10:44:14 PM
:duckling:  *Waves to Tommy and Yvonee
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on July 18, 2010, 11:11:29 PM
Who understands the origin of this phrase....

"Naughty, naughty, 1440"

?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on July 18, 2010, 11:17:23 PM
Negative on that one Brum6y. I'm waiting for an answer with baited breath.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on July 18, 2010, 11:33:41 PM
would it be something to do with the fact that there are 1440 minutes in a day ?

so in effect its saying naughty 24/7 or always ?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on July 18, 2010, 11:56:11 PM
Smee ..... you are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo close! I'm almost forced to give it to you...

But can you put a specific situation on that...?
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on July 18, 2010, 11:57:20 PM
no it was just a guess
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on July 19, 2010, 12:37:14 AM
I think I'm going to have to give it to you, Smee.......


When I first started into mainframe programming, programs were executed by submitting a 'job' made up of a number of the good old-fashioned punch cards. The first card, called the Job card (funny about that) gave the job a name and set some parameters. One of these was setting a time limit, so if your program got into a loop or just took too long, it would get cancelled by the operating system when it had used up the allocated time.

But there had to be a way to specify 'no time limit' so jobs that took a very long time to run didn't get axed because of this timeout.  With the base unit being minutes, they (IBM) set it up so that if you specified 1440 - the number of minutes in one day - the operating system would not hold any time limit on the job.

In a most areas, this was a very risky move. If you wrote a program that ended up in a loop, you would flog the machine and chew up very expensive time - with the only means to end it being a manual cancellation by an operator ... a step that they would not take unless adequate suspicion was raised and confirmation given to kill the offending job.

So to put "time=1440" was considered extremely risky and frowned upon - hence: "naughty, naughty"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on July 19, 2010, 08:26:04 AM
was this system you refer to called miniwaft ( or similar )
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: Roo on July 19, 2010, 06:32:55 PM
was this system you refer to called miniwaft ( or similar )

Sounds like a little fart...lol
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on July 19, 2010, 06:58:58 PM
was this system you refer to called miniwaft ( or similar )

No. It was JES2 I believe.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 21, 2010, 05:41:05 PM
They say that masturbation makes you blind.

HELLO!!!

How difficult is it to aim away from your eyes??
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on July 21, 2010, 08:29:07 PM
(http://i691.photobucket.com/albums/vv277/area_51_bucket/CA0CHDJJ.gif)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 24, 2010, 08:13:06 AM
METRO REPORTER - 23rd July, 2010 Share| .Ashes of Coronation Street cat Frisky sold for £700

The ashes of Frisky the cat, who starred in the opening sequence of Coronation Street were sold yesterday for £700 – almost five times their estimated value.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 24, 2010, 05:07:56 PM
A brilliant magician was performing on an ocean liner. But every time he did a trick, a talking cat in the audience would scream, "It's a trick. It's not magic. You're a big phony!"

Then one night during a storm, the ship sank while the magician was performing. And who should end up in the same lifeboat together, all alone, but the talking cat and the magician! For three days, they glared at each other, neither one saying a word to the other. Finally the cat sighed and said, "All right, smart-aleck. You and your darn tricks. What did you do with the ship?"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 28, 2010, 06:33:28 PM
His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”
“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.
“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?”
“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s sure worth two dollars.
With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to.”

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on July 28, 2010, 09:40:25 PM
:rofl:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 03, 2010, 06:37:09 PM
An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'

The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too..'

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'

(Oh this is GOOD!!)

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 04, 2010, 06:23:13 PM

 

 
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 05, 2010, 05:15:10 PM
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been
run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his
face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shite, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible
lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you
have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 09, 2010, 08:27:29 PM
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road in the Highlands. Suddenly, a brand new bright red Porsche 911 appeared and screeched to a halt beside him. The driver, a smartly dressed woman wearing a Chanel suit, Ray Bans and a Cartier watch, stepped out and asked the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have can I keep one?"

The shepherd looked at the large flock and said 'Okay'. The woman connected a laptop to a mobile phone/fax, entered the NASA website, scanned the field using GPS, opened a database linked to 60 Excel files with algorithms and pivot tables, then printed out a 150 page report on a high tech mini printer.

She studied the report then said to the shepherd, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep."

The shepherd replied "That's correct. You can have the pick of my flock."

The woman packed away her equipment, looked at the flock and put an animal in the boot of her Porsche. As she was about to leave the shepherd said "If I can guess your profession will you return the animal to me?" The woman thought for a moment, then agreed. The shepherd said, "You are a NHS manager," "Correct," replied the woman, "but how did you know?"

The shepherd replied "Simple. First you came without being invited. Second, you wasted a lot of time telling me something I already knew. Third, you don't understand anything about the work I do, but interfere anyway – Now, can I have my bloody dog back?"

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 10, 2010, 06:48:16 PM
I bought a new deodorant stick today,
instuctions said,
remove wrapper and push up bottom.

I can hardly walk, but, when I fart, the room smells lovely
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 13, 2010, 11:49:25 PM
I boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking my seat as I settled in, I noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. I realised she was heading straight toward my seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside me.

"Hello", I blurted out, "Business trip or holiday?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States."

I swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen, sitting next to me and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain my composure, I calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded." I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", I smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto," I replied. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 14, 2010, 05:31:08 PM
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.

He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.

The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"

... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 16, 2010, 06:53:59 PM
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The man says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a
duck.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 17, 2010, 11:51:59 PM
Dave and Pete turned out regularly for their local amateur Rugby Club.

One day, as they were getting changed, Dave saw that Pete was wearing a pair of lacy red ladies panties.

“Christ Pete, are you turning funny or what? How long you been wearing THEM?”

Through gritted teeth Pete said,

“Ever since the bloody wife found ‘em in the car!”

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 19, 2010, 11:45:40 PM
Hi..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Yibida* on August 20, 2010, 01:25:53 AM
Boo...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 20, 2010, 11:50:21 PM
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 26, 2010, 06:42:12 PM
Goodmorning everyone...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on August 26, 2010, 06:43:23 PM
G'day Thomas
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *FluffyDuckee* on August 26, 2010, 11:17:37 PM
Here ya go Tommy...   :coffeecup: :cheese: :bubbly:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 31, 2010, 05:44:55 PM
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green ..'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green,
and I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him.

I know I have.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 03, 2010, 05:41:36 PM
It's a slow day in Rochdale. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich tourist from down south is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a £100 in cash on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.



As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.


The butcher takes the £100 and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.



The pig farmer takes the £100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.



The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the £100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.



The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.



The hotel proprietor then places the £100 back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.



At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the £100, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.



No one produced anything. No one earned anything.



However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.


And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the British Government is conducting business today
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 07, 2010, 05:18:38 PM
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then shuddered and groaned a little for 10 or 15 seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered again.

The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently.

The man couldn't restrain his curiosity. He turned to the woman and said, "Are you all right?"

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied, "I have a rare condition; when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looked at him and said,






"Pepper."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 11, 2010, 05:51:50 PM
My Dog




Went down this morning to sign on my Dog.
The woman said, "Dogs are not eligible to draw benefit". I explained to her that my Dog is black, unemployed, idle, can't speak English and has no clue who his dad is. She looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.




He gets his first cheque on Friday.




Damn this is a great country.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 23, 2010, 06:34:36 PM
Ebay have messed up the the UK Questions and Answers board..its all new..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on September 23, 2010, 06:46:05 PM
Ebay have messed up the the UK Questions and Answers board..its all new..


.... and we thought that privelege was just ours.

Welcome to the brave new world.


(apologies to Aldous Huxley)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 29, 2010, 05:51:21 PM
Ebay uk seems to be working ok now..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 29, 2010, 06:31:24 PM
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. 'No woman,' said one man, scornfully, 'can keep a secret.'

'I don't know about that,' answered a blonde woman guest. 'I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.'

'You'll let it out some day,' the man insisted.

'I hardly think so!' responded the blonde lady. 'When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.'
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on September 29, 2010, 06:38:11 PM
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 03, 2010, 05:49:35 PM
Good morning..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 03, 2010, 06:19:52 PM
I  am perplexed that so many of my friends are against a mosque being built near Ground Zero. I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant.  The mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose, that two gay nightclubs be opened next  door to the mosque thereby promoting tolerance within the  mosque. We could call the clubs "The Turban Cowboy" and "You  Mecca Me So Hot". 
 
Next  door should be a butcher shop that specialises in pork and have an open barbecue with spare ribs as its daily special.   Across the street a very daring lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret” with sexy mannequins in the window modelling the goods. 
 
Next  door to the lingerie shop, there would be room for an Adult Toy Shop (Koranal Knowledge?), its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store, maybe call it "Morehammered"? 

If  you agree in promoting tolerance and you think this is a good plan, pass it on.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 04, 2010, 05:24:30 PM
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who was the pig that did this to you?  I want to know!'

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.  Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.  I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000 bank account.  If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not really sure what to do. What do you suggest?'

At this point, the girl's father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

'You shag her again.'</span>
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 05, 2010, 05:41:06 PM
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.

It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of

other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.

Harold Schlumberg is such a person.

 

 


“I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'?

Well, I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, and other alcoholic beverages into urine”

Harold should be an inspiration to all of us.
 

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on October 05, 2010, 09:43:55 PM
I hear the eBay UK board has been given the special eBay-Fixed-It treatment...  :nhj:

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on October 06, 2010, 01:25:35 PM
I hear the eBay UK board has been given the special eBay-Fixed-It treatment...  :nhj:




Why does that statement send a cold shiver down my spine...?


(Today's example of the English language at work: The rhetorical question.)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 14, 2010, 03:42:04 PM
Its great to be alive....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on October 15, 2010, 11:17:35 AM


Hear  Hear Tommy.......hope you and Irene are both well.


Westie  :ivanhoe:
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 21, 2010, 07:08:38 PM
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.  "I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
  Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the blummin thing up.   
 Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and hercontractions are only two minutes apart!""Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor."No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"   
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road. Cop says "For goodness sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"   
 An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies.   
 Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself" Paddy replies. "It should be around your neck" says the Guard. "I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't  breathe".    An answer I can understand.   
An American tourist asks an Irishman:"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the blummin boat" 


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 24, 2010, 04:40:11 PM
Gallagher opened the morning paper, and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.
" Did you see the paper? " asked Gallagher." They say I died!"
" Yes, I saw it," came the reply," where are ye calling from?"


Two old ladies were walking through a museum, and got separated.When they met up again later,the first old lady said to the second,"My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?"
The second old lady replied," Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing? The penis on it was so large!"
Whereupon the first old lady accidentally blurted out," ....and cold too!"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on October 27, 2010, 06:46:47 PM
 
There was a Blonde and her husband.One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up. She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on October 27, 2010, 06:48:27 PM
1490 snipe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 03, 2010, 07:10:22 PM



The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles   Have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '   Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'    God said, 'Ah, yes.''Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !   1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension                          2. It chatters constantly at high speeds                 3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust   5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!      'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 09, 2010, 05:14:37 PM
Now for a long one.

WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.   Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg ....                  Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:                  On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out                 furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"                  ---o0o---                  On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."                  ----o0o---                  On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."                  ----o0o---                  "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out  of this airplane."                   ---o0o---                  "Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business  as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."                  ---o0o---                  As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"                  ---o0o---                  After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as                  heck everything has shifted."                  ---o0o---                  From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth ...  To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, andpull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't  know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."                  ---o0o---                  "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your  face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask   before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."                  ---o0o---                  Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but   we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,  nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."                  ----o0o---                  "Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an   emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our  compliments."                  ---o0o---                  "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.                  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight   attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."                  ---o0o---                  And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in  the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"                  ---o0o---                  Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bumpand I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight  attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."                  ---o0o---                  Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight    it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies   and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats  with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"                  ---o0o---                 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 09, 2010, 05:19:48 PM
     ---o0o---                  Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:                   "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."                  ---o0o---                  An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered   his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which  required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers       exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.                  Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking   with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"                  "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said,                  "Did we land, or were we shot down?"                  ---o0o---                   After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on   with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain  Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt    against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your waythrough the wreckage to the terminal.."                  ---o0o---                  Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank     you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get theinsane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal  tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."                  ---o0o---                  Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."                  ---o0o---                  A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.  Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence  followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"  A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of   mine!"



 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 16, 2010, 07:01:35 PM
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on  their faces.

 

After autopsy, the coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

 

The Coroner tells the Inspector: 'First body: An Italian , 60, died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile.''

 

 

Second body: 'Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky, died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'

 

The Inspector asked, 'What of the third body?' 'Ah,' says the coroner, 'This is the most unusual one. Danny Earl, the Irishman, 30, struck by lightning.' 'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.  Says the coroner....   'Thought he was having his picture taken'.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 17, 2010, 06:33:14 PM
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. The Doctor asks: "What happened?"The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp."The Doctor says: "That's absolutely terrible. But help is at hand - I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the tea do that?"The Doctor says: "The tea does bu***r all; it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 20, 2010, 06:13:19 PM
35 Days to Christmas..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 26, 2010, 06:53:26 PM
CONGRATULATIONS!!YOUR EMAIL HAS WON ($200, 000USD)AUSTRALIAN INTL LOTTERY!!!?
03:34
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Hide details Australian Lottery Inc Australian Lottery Inccharales_loud_m@yahoo.com
 
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From: Australian Lottery Inc (charales_loud_m@yahoo.com) 
Sent: 26 November 2010 03:34:33
To:  info@info.com



                                                             UNI,24 HIGHER AVENUE HARRIS PARK 
                                                                     GRANVILLE NSW  0152 SYDNEY
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                             DEAR WINNER,
                 
         
Ref: 475061725   
Batch: 7056490902 /18 
 Winning no: GB8701/LPRC
CONGRATULATIONS!!
 
 Dear Sir/Madam,
 
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This is a bonus to promote lotto in Australia Which is fully based on an electronic selection of winners using their e-mail addresses form some site.
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Canada,Australia,United States, Asia, Europe, Middle East,Africa and Oceania as part of our international promotions program which is conducted annually.
This Lottery was promoted and sponsored by a conglomerate of some multinational companies as part of their social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have operational base.
 
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Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on November 26, 2010, 06:55:23 PM
hell
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on November 26, 2010, 06:55:36 PM
o
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on November 26, 2010, 06:55:51 PM
Tommy ...............................1500 snipe
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 27, 2010, 06:27:35 PM
Good one Smee i missed that one...A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he’s going. “I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.”
The policeman asks, “Really? And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?”
 The man replies “My wife”.

.................
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on November 27, 2010, 06:28:44 PM
LOLZ tommy!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 28, 2010, 05:43:55 PM
A lady found out that her dog ( a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian.

 

The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears.   He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.

 

The vet then told the lady that, if she wanted to keep this  from recurring, she should go to the pharmacist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

 

The lady went to the pharmacist and bought some "Nair" hair remover.  At the till, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

 

The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

 

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."

 

The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

 

The pharmacist says, "Well, in that case, stay off your bike for about a week
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on November 29, 2010, 03:34:18 PM
For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he offered her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey!,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' She watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 07, 2010, 07:18:59 PM
How do you define handsome? 

A test at a Durham City High school in North Carolina required students to use "handsome" in a sentence.
The girl named Lateshia says "Sometimes when I be suckin' Jamal's snake, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome."
The quality of our educational system sometimes brings a tear to your eye!!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 08, 2010, 06:51:43 PM
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

 

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

 

"Well" says the vet, "Let's have a look at him"

 

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says,

 

"I'm going to have to put him down"

 

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

 

"'No, because he's really heavy".

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 09, 2010, 06:06:32 PM
WOMEN  WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE
 Barbara Walters, of  20/20 magazine, did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan several  years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.  She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. 
 Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to maintain the old custom. 
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked,  'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?' 
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes,  and without hesitation said, "Land Mines." 
Moral of the story is that no matter what language you speak or where you  go 



BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 10, 2010, 06:57:27 PM
A cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Medicine Bow, Wyoming .
.He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, '
If you ain't  gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.
The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 11, 2010, 06:09:45 PM
An Irishman in Canada says what most people in Ireland think

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koY6kXhQDQo&feature=player_embedded
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on December 12, 2010, 07:12:26 PM
I've only picked up on a few bits and pieces about the financial situation in Ireland - but the message has been pretty much the same as this gent.




(Don't know about the Michael Flatley bit, though....)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 14, 2010, 06:33:49 AM
They want to make him Irish pm...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 14, 2010, 06:11:59 PM

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
 The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
 The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
 The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
 The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
 But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 17, 2010, 05:37:17 PM
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration , he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom… Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

Now you know why the Fairy is at the top of the tree..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 18, 2010, 06:42:36 PM
A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors.
 'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little paper bag.
'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows, Come back and see me in a couple of days.'
The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results. 'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag.
'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor.
 'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' Said the little paper bag.
'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor.
'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'
'Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor.
'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'
'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor.
 'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!'
 'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual relationship?'
'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm Just a little paper bag!'
'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor,






 This is good - wait for it .... .... .... ...... ....







'Your mother must have been a carrier'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Ubbie Max* on December 19, 2010, 07:22:57 AM
Snowing in Scotland
 

A heartwarming e-mail message from my mate in Glasgow ...


"Hi all, it's snowing like hell here today. My mate says that since it's
been snowing, all his missus does is look through the window.


He reckons if it gets much worse he'll have to let her in.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 22, 2010, 04:10:32 PM
 
Dear God:  Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7.  Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 24, 2010, 04:07:31 PM
 A priest offered a Nun a lift.. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg... The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.   The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.  It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' Moral of the story:  If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 26, 2010, 04:30:36 PM
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.  The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'    'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.....  'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'  Poof! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in  Hawaii  , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.'  Poof! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.  The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' Moral of the story:  Always let your boss have the first say.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 27, 2010, 05:42:24 PM
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, '
Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' 
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' 
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it..
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on December 30, 2010, 05:58:58 PM

Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it.
Johnny’s answer was, "Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a Black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer".
The following morning Johnny comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief.But the day after that Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again.
"My goodness Johnny, why the black eye again?"
He tells her, "Mam, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?'... and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started moving, you know, at the same time Mom was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a demented hyena on the bed"...
Then my father asks my mother, 'Are you coming?' Then my mom says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.
They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm also coming ! !


 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 01, 2011, 02:37:33 AM
v

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 07, 2011, 06:21:41 PM
I bought a new deoderant stick today.



the instructions said,



remove wrapper and push up bottom.



 



I can hardly walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on January 07, 2011, 10:27:36 PM
As the duck said to the eel, "Bottoms up".
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 10, 2011, 08:20:16 PM
How do you put this in the Pan..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on January 10, 2011, 08:35:36 PM
very carefully !
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 11, 2011, 07:24:29 PM
 
WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?



A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.



After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”The priest replies, “My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”



The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I’ll be damned,” then returned to his paper.



The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”



 



MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before answering
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 12, 2011, 08:05:17 PM

An English salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan . . . Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. '
I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'
 Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,'Manicures, $20.00'.'Why not?' thought the salesman.
He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'
The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out.
Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit........





Which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.


 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on January 12, 2011, 09:10:27 PM
Oh blimey.

I suppose he realised he had too "buttoned-up" an approach to life from that moment onwards...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 13, 2011, 06:24:41 PM



 A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo  safari in Africa , taking her faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
 Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
 "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
 Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
 So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks,
"What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...
 "Where's that darned monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story.... Don't mess with old farts...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
 Trash and brilliance only come with age and experience.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 15, 2011, 07:08:37 PM
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ...

 But that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.
I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

 My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter - either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 18, 2011, 04:06:58 AM
This chap buys a top of the range, brand new sports car and shows it to his mates. One of them says to him, I like running and will bet you any money I could beat you in a race..... Ridiculous, says the car owner. There is no way you could beat me in this thing. Ok says the runner, lets give it a go..... So the car driver starts the engine and the runner gets his running gear on.


The race begins and the sports car roars off in first and then second gear. The driver looks at his speedo and see's he's doing almost 70mph but when he looks in his rear view mirror he see's the runner keeping up just behind his car. So he goes up through the gears and pulls away but when he looks in the rear view mirror again he still see's the runner close on his tail.....


This continues for a few miles with no change until he takes a very sharp right hand bend and the car driver see's that he has lost the runner. He pulls up at the finish and five minutes later the runner walks up to the racing car. Told you said the driver, there was no way on this earth that you could ever win this race..... Rubbish says the runner, I would have easily overtaken you on that last bend if it wasn't for a blowout in one of my plimsoles
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 19, 2011, 06:45:03 PM




 



Happy Valentines?



A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.



The man says



"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"



"But why?" asks the man.



"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 20, 2011, 07:27:56 PM
Dorothy and Edna



Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.



Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."



Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car, a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner. A marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show .. let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me twice!"



Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! . . . So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"



Edna: "No, no, no . . . I'm just saying, wear an old dress
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 21, 2011, 04:25:32 PM
Paddy and Murphy sat at the airport. Murphy says



"I wish I'd brought the television"



"Why, are you bored?" asks Paddy.



"No" said Murphy "The passports are on top of it"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: lacey on January 21, 2011, 07:36:19 PM
crikey, 50c for a button.  that's rich.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 22, 2011, 08:32:02 PM
Hey-up all...have just sent a message to Contessa to see if she wishes to start a new thread on RT UK.

Depending on her reply, hopefully there will be a new thread for you all shortly.

Sure we would hate to lose touch after meeting up and having fun?

(going to TRY to put a smiley on now)

 :goodidea: :goodidea:

Bloomin 'eck...didn't know there would be so many smileys!
Do you remember this Countessa
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 26, 2011, 05:57:07 AM



"The Best Pubs Are Irish"
As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.
In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.
When you buy four drinks,he'll buy the fifth drink.""
Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink,then another, all the drinks you like, actually.
Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.

The Irishman swore every word was true. 

"Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times .."


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 27, 2011, 03:12:52 AM
The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.
"Is this your wife sir?" said the officer.
"Yes it is" I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer.
"I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality and she's great with the kids
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 27, 2011, 08:44:14 PM
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,she kept laughing and saying, "I don't THINK so."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 28, 2011, 07:19:57 PM

A farmer and his wife had just waken up one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"
"Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.
"Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss. Why don't you ever do that?"
The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon I can, but I just don't know her very well
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 29, 2011, 07:27:47 PM
A woman in Atlantic City was losing at the roulette wheel. When she was down to her last 10 dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. “Why don’t you play your age?” he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table.
The next thing the guy with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. “Did she win?” he asked. “No” replied the attendant. “She put 10 dollars on 33 and 46 came in.”



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 29, 2011, 09:09:48 PM
 ;D ;D ;D We have the ‘ I’m alright Jacks’ who care only about themselves; the Haters and Fearers who only start threads about bashing foreigners; the Goaders who look for a fight while putting others down; the Nutters and the Paranoid who make little sense at any time; The Blamers – everything is someone else’s fault; the Know-it-Alls and the Smug; the more Humble; the Intolerant and Angry; the Tolerant and Reasoned; the Couldn’t Care Less about much at all; the Passionate; the Compassionate; the Smart and the Not So Smart; the Grumpy Moaners; the Cheerful; the Dull; the Wise; the Animated; the Funny etc.

Do you think that the RT is a representative (proportionate) sample of the UK public in general?

Or at least of the equivalent age range, as age would have an influence - I guess that most Rters are middle-aged or older.

It’s quite a hard question I suppose, because in real life we tend to associate mostly with people of like mind.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 31, 2011, 01:58:41 AM
In a grammar lesson in eighth grade Mrs. O’Neill said, “Paul, give me a sentence with a direct object.”
Paul replied. “Everyone thinks you are the best teacher in the school.”
“Thank you, Paul,” responded Mrs. O’Neill, “but what is the object?”
“To get the best mark possible,” said Paul

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on January 31, 2011, 11:11:49 AM
Just for Tommy and any lurking UKers...


"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." - Spike Milligan.

"I never criticise referees and i'm not going to change a habit for that prat." - Ron Atkinson

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" - Samuel Goldwyn.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *Brum6y* on January 31, 2011, 11:20:10 AM
Spike Milligan, commenting about radio: "the pictures are better"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on January 31, 2011, 11:33:11 PM

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 02, 2011, 02:50:40 AM

Everybody should pay their taxes with a smile, said Bob. “I tried it but they wanted cash.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 02, 2011, 07:06:57 PM
Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms.Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask,



"How did you catch those?"



"Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river. We got four salmon A great days fishing!"



So the fish-less pair look at each other and agree to give it a try.They get to a bridge and Sean calls to his friend



"Hold my legs now Paddy".



Well he is hanging there upside down for thirty minutes when he suddenly cries..



"Pull me up, pull me up!!"



Paddy asks "Do you have a fish Sean?"...........



"No" replies Sean, "There's a bloody train coming!"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 03, 2011, 06:29:04 PM
A burly man walks into his local pub totally distraught.
"Five whiskys in one glass please", he asks the barman.
He downs it in one and bursts into tears. The barman asks him what's wrong.
"My eldest son has just told me he's gay", sobs the man. He thanks the barman and leaves.

A few days later he's back.
" Five double whiskys in one glass please", he asks the barman.
Again he downs it in one and bursts into tears. Once again the barman consoles him and asks what's up.
"Now my youngest son has announced that he's gay", sobs the man, thanks the barman and leaves.

A week passes and the man is back. This time he orders a half pint of neat whisky.
"God Almighty!", exclaims the barman, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
"Oh Yes", wails the man, knocking back the drink,


"My wife!"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 04, 2011, 06:38:19 AM
 take the last 2 digits of the year you were



born plus the age you will be this year and it will



come to 111 , anybody on here get a different answer?


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 06, 2011, 03:26:19 PM

The teacher said; “Take a pencil and paper, and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’” Everyone but Joe, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write feverishly.
“What’s the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don’t you begin?”
“I’m waiting for my secretary,” Joe replied.
 


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 08, 2011, 07:03:23 PM

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 09, 2011, 05:43:21 PM

A young man was trying to park his car between two others. He put it in reverse, and bang- right into the car behind him. He then went forward and bang- right into the car in front. A young woman watching the maneuver couldn’t contain herself. “Do you always park by ear?” she asked
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 11, 2011, 06:51:46 PM

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 14, 2011, 07:54:49 AM
1st woman:    Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman:   Hi! Sylvia.  How'd you die?
1st woman:    I froze to death.
2nd woman:   How horrible!
1st woman:  ;   It wasn't so bad. After I quit  shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman:   I died of a  massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman:    So, what happened?
2nd woman:   I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman:   Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 15, 2011, 03:20:00 PM



A guy went out duck hunting in the fall and a gust of wind blew, his gun fell over and discharged shooting him in his private parts.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your private parts which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the State Symphony Orchestra. . She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee  in your eyes".
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 16, 2011, 06:27:02 PM
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy..."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 18, 2011, 05:58:09 AM
x

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 22, 2011, 04:57:39 PM
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through
Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them
through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was
used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were
grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture
when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in
America with your old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send
us on bus tours!



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 23, 2011, 05:51:41 PM
 ;D What is Old?

"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Choose one, I can't do both!"  ;D

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 24, 2011, 05:33:02 PM
 1. Men are like Laxatives
They irritate the carp out of you.

2 Men are like Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they are.

3 Men are like Weather
Nothing can be done to change them.

4 Men are like Blenders
You need One, but you're not quite sure why..

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials
You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores
Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like Government Bonds ....
They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms
You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13.. Men are like Parking Spots
All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 25, 2011, 09:08:22 AM
 


Indians' Land


When white man found this land, Indians were running it. There were: -
No Taxes
- No Debt
- Plenty buffalo
- Plenty beaver
- Medicine man free
- Women did all the work
- Men hunted and fished all the time
The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that
system!
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 26, 2011, 06:32:37 PM
Druggist's Bad Day


Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the
husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she
explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning
on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and
demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the
druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This
morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went
without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I
didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to
break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a
speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat
tire.
When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting
for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these
people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then
I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to
make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my
hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing -
when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made
me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on
it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still
ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was
your wife -- she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well,
Mister, I TOLD HER!"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on February 27, 2011, 04:07:26 PM
 
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four.
They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream.
It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."


 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 01, 2011, 06:39:43 PM
A man who was just about to be executed was asked whether he would like to have a last smoke.
The man answered, "No thank you, I don't smoke. I don't want to get lung cancer."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 02, 2011, 06:30:30 PM
Embarrassing Situations!
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 03, 2011, 06:33:59 PM
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: HellWest'nCrooked on March 04, 2011, 09:03:36 AM


 :rofl: :rofl:

Good one Tommy!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 04, 2011, 05:58:44 PM

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam," she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..."He returns her gaze, "Anything?""Anything."His voice softens, "Anything?""Anything," she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study?"

 

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 05, 2011, 05:42:49 AM

   Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him.
He'd never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy,  I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"                         
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."                         
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat.. What changed your mind?"                     
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."                         
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"                         
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I'd left me hat.",___


 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 06, 2011, 06:10:33 PM
An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 07, 2011, 08:12:45 PM
 
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............






"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 08, 2011, 07:37:13 PM
This guy goes into a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?" The guy shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first." "Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies. The man is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the VERY bad news?" The doctor folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is...I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 09, 2011, 08:53:15 AM
 Spanish airports strike dates 2011
Mar 8, 2011 11:44 PM
 
...Spanish news.... strike update....April 20,21,24,25,30...May2,14,15,19,20.....June13,23,30....July 1,2,3,4,15,31..August 1,15,31.
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 09, 2011, 04:30:10 PM
 
“Hi, police department? I’ve lost my cat and …
“Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we are too busy…
“But you don’t understand… this is a very intelligent cat. He is almost human.
He can practically talk.”
“Well, you’d better hang up, lady. He may be trying to call you right now.”

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 10, 2011, 06:50:09 PM
Murphy phones his missus, can you 'get me some shampoo I'm in the shower', she says "there is shampoo in the shower" he says "yes but it's for dry hair and i've just wet mine".
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 11, 2011, 07:09:46 PM

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady Answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."
 


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 12, 2011, 06:38:48 PM
You Don't Need to Be a Weatherman...
It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, I don’t know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 13, 2011, 07:48:38 PM
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 14, 2011, 06:34:36 PM

Insurance Company
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 15, 2011, 06:48:40 PM
 
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.



A nurse noticed his predicament.  " Sir", she said ' You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.'



He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.



Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labelled ATR.



Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist........



He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.



Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.



When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure..



The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.



Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. 'What happened?' he exclaimed.



"The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button".



 









 



 



 








'The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your p***s is under your pillow.'
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 16, 2011, 06:49:39 PM
"CONFUSIUS! HE SAY"-



man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient,



a passionate kiss is like a spiders web-leads to undoing of fly,



better to be p--d off, than p--d ON,



lady who goes camping must be aware of evil intent,



squirrel runs up lady's leg, will not find nuts,



man who leaps off a cliff, jumps to conclusion,



war does not determine who is right, but who is left,



man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night,



it takes many nails to build a crib, but only 1 screw to fill it,



a man who drives like hell,is sure to get there,



man who fish in another mans well,will often catch crabs,



& FINALLY,



A lion will not cheat on his wife,but  a tiger wood.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 17, 2011, 06:51:39 PM




 



Daddy, how was I born?



A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'  The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.



Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.



We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.



There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.



As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button , nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:



 




 'you got Male!


 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 19, 2011, 08:31:56 PM
In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER...  PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW



In a Launderette: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT



In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS



In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAYPLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN



In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD



Outside a second-hand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.   WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?



Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS



Spotted in a safari park:ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR



Seen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR



Notice in a farmer's field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.



On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 20, 2011, 07:43:53 PM
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 21, 2011, 06:16:41 PM

For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 22, 2011, 07:49:51 PM

A Banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.



More than a little distraught, the Banker grabs his mobile and calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'



After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. 'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Bankers are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'



'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner. The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.' The Banker looks down in horror.


 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 23, 2011, 07:57:00 PM
Three old pilots are walking on the ramp. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”
Second says, “No, its Thursday!”
Third one says, “So am I. Lest go get a beer.”


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 24, 2011, 05:52:55 AM
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A Customer came in and asked for a seven-hundred and ten.   We all looked at each other and another Customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred and ten?'



She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, It is broken and I need a new one..'



She replied that she did not know exactly what it was for, but this piece had always been there, and is obviously important.



The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.   She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.



He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?



She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'



And there it was, just like in the drawing, and just like she had described.



The oil cap with "710" in big capital letters.



 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 24, 2011, 06:29:12 PM

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, an Aussie, an American, a  Pakistani, an Indian, a Pole, a Canadian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Mexican, a Brazilian, a Turk, a Jew, an Egyptian, a Japanese,  a Chinese a Frenchman, a German and a Spaniard all walk into a bar, and the doorman says ...



Sorry,



 



 



 



 



 



 








You can't come in without a Thai"     Boom! Boom! ..



 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 26, 2011, 11:55:14 PM
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, I went into town and visited a shop.  When I came out, there was a policeman writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and I said, 'Come on, "Sir", how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him an “a***hole” . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.



So I called him a “s**t head”.  He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.



This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.  Just then my bus arrived, and I got on it and went home.  I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.  It's important at my age. 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 28, 2011, 07:43:47 PM
Gallagher opened the morning paper, and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.
" Did you see the paper? " asked Gallagher." They say I died!"
" Yes, I saw it," came the reply," where are ye calling from?"


Two old ladies were walking through a museum, and got separated.When they met up again later,the first old lady said to the second,"My! Did you see that statue of the naked man back there?"
The second old lady replied," Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How can they display such a thing? The penis on it was so large!"
Whereupon the first old lady accidentally blurted out," ....and cold too!"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 29, 2011, 05:29:42 AM
Dear Son,   



 Just a few lines with some home news and to let you know I'm still alive.



 I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast.



We are all doing very well.



You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved.



Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.



I won't be able to send you the address because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.



This place is really nice.



It even has a washing machine.



I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.



Your father's got a really good job now.



He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.



Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.



 Your brother Tom is still in the army.



He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!



 Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery.



 Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely.



They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.



I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week.



They are charging him with dope peddling.



I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me.



The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes.



Your father offered to buy it from him. 



The weather isn't bad here.



It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days.



We had a letter from the undertaker.



 He said if the last payment on your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.   



About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.   



John locked his keys in the car yesterday..



We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.



Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck.



Ralph was driving.



He rolled down the window and swam to safety.



Your other two friends were in the back.



They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.



There isn't much more news at this time.



Nothing much has happened.



 Your loving Mum.   



 



P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope. 


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on March 31, 2011, 05:15:54 AM

The Inland Revenue  decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office.



The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.



The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.'



I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'



The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'



Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'



Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.



Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.



'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'



The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.



Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.



The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.



But Grandpa's own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.



'Not really,' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'



 



Don't Mess with the Older  Generation!

 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 01, 2011, 03:38:50 PM

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'



After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.



The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'



'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'



 



Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.



'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.



'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'



 



The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'



Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'



 



Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.



One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.



'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.



Larry asked, “Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "



 



Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.



After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'



His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.



Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .....'
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 02, 2011, 06:28:42 PM

 



Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making herrounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.



As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.



She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.



The attendant told her that the only gas can  had been loaned out, but\she could wait until it was returned.    HOWEVER,  Sister Mary Ann was onthe way to see a patient, so she decided not to wait...and walked back to her car.



She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient!   



Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station,filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car . 



As  she was pouring the gas into her tank, two passing Protestants watched fromacross the street.



One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 03, 2011, 05:05:16 PM
 



 Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's  store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the  checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. 



What did she think I had an elephant?



So, since I'm retired and have little  to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting  the Winalot Diet again.



I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended  up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive  care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.   



I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it  works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two  every time you feel hungry.



The food is nutritionally complete so it works  well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone  in queue was now enthralled with my story.) 



 Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food  poisoned me .



I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's  derrier and a car hit me. 



 I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was  laughing so hard.



I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.    Better watch what you ask retired people. 



They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. 


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 04, 2011, 04:37:12 PM
Here's another you might like

A glamorous blonde boarded a flight to Melbourne with an economy class ticket and was directed to her seat. After the plane took off though, she gathered up her vanity case and teetered up the aisle to First-Class. The First-Class Flight Attendant asked to see her ticket and was given it. "I'm sorry Miss, but this is for Economy Class so I must ask you to go back there".

The blonde remained seated and said, "Look, I'm blonde, I'm very beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right where I am".

The Flight Attendant faced with this situation went into the flight deck and reported the incident to the Co-Pilot. He said, "Okay I'll deal with her if you like" and they went back into the First-Class cabin. The Co-Pilot said to the blonde, "I’m sorry Miss but you really must go back to Economy Class as you haven't paid to travel First Class". Once again the blonde came out with the same statement, I'm blonde, I'm very beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right where I am".

Not wanting to get tough with the girl and forcibly manhandle her back to Economy Class, the Co-Pilot went back to the flight deck and reported the situation to the Captain.

The captain replied, "Oh, that's not a problem and I can sort it out. My wife is blonde, I understand blonde and I speak blonde so just leave that to me".

The three of them went back into the cabin and the Captain bent down and spoke softly into the girl’s ear. Slowly a look of understanding crossed the girl's face and she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry - I didn't fully understand. Thank you for explaining it to me", and with that once again picked up her vanity case and teetered off back to Economy Class.

The Flight Attendant and Co-Pilot looked astonished and asked, "How did you manage that? What did you say to her?". The Captain said, "Oh, it was simple. I just told her that First-Class isn't going to Melbourne!".
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 05, 2011, 05:07:13 AM
Going for the...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 05, 2011, 05:08:22 AM
;D  ;D  ;D SNIPE 1600  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on April 05, 2011, 01:11:35 PM
I could see you hunting for the Great Snipe...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on April 05, 2011, 01:16:35 PM
Grape Snipe?

What???
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on April 05, 2011, 02:11:37 PM
(http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o111/Dedaj/Grape.jpg)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 05, 2011, 05:35:49 PM
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department For Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees Enough and they would send an inspector to interview them.   On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.   "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.   "Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £200 a week, and he has a free cottage.   Then there's the housekeeper.  She gets £100 a week, along with free board and lodging.    There's also the half-wit.  He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, Along with a bottle of gin, and occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."    "That's who I want to talk to," said the inspector, “the half-wit."     "That'll be me then," said Paddy.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 06, 2011, 05:01:46 AM
YOU  KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2011 when...



1. You accidentally  enter your PIN on the microwave.



2. You haven't  played solitaire with real cards in years.



3. You have a list  of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of  three.



4. You e-mail the  person who works at the desk next to you.



5. Your reason for  not staying in touch with friends and family is that they  don't have e-mail addresses.



6. You pull up in  your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is  home to help you carry in the  groceries...



7. Every commercial  on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen



8. Leaving the house  without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first  20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic  and you turn around to go and get it



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



 



10. You get up in  the morning and go on line before getting your  coffee



11. You start  tilting your head sideways to smile. : )



12 You're reading  this and nodding and laughing.



13. Even worse, you  know exactly to whom you are going to pass this information on to.



14. You are too busy  to notice there was no #9 on this list.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



.



 



15. You actually  scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this  list
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 07, 2011, 06:50:58 PM
At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?
The child said, “No ma'am, my moms a good cook!”


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 09, 2011, 02:23:30 PM

A man and his wife are sitting at the kitchen table, which is next to the window. The man's name is Rudolph, and since he is Russian, people call him "Rudolph the Red." Rudolph looked out the window and said to his wife, "Oh look honey, it's raining outside." She looks out as well and says, "No, I think that is snow." He looks at her and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain dear."


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 11, 2011, 05:28:43 AM
 







Indian Chief Two Eagles was asked by a white government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he can improve system like that!"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *smee* on April 11, 2011, 11:57:53 AM
The Chief also said ..... and that no name toilet paper that white man now sell in super markets in plain wrapper ..Chief Two Eagles think of name for it !!!

It should be called John Wayne toilet paper ......................

cos it donttakenoshitfromnoindian !

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 11, 2011, 06:33:26 PM

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

-- Management
 


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 12, 2011, 08:48:40 PM
“How long have you been working here?” one employee asked to another.
“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”
 


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 15, 2011, 04:01:10 AM
You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When...
· You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened.
· Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
· All of your friends have an @ in their names.
· Your dog has its own home page.
· You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
· You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
· You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
· You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher."
· The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg.
· Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 16, 2011, 06:24:39 PM

The man charged into the jewelry shop, slammed his fists angrily on the showcase, removed a wristwatch from his pocket and shook it under the nose of the owner. “You said this watch would last me a lifetime,” he yelled. “Yeah,” admitted the owner. “But you looked pretty sick the day you bought it.”


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 17, 2011, 04:38:14 AM
LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT.



IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOUR.



IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.



IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.



IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.



IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.



IF YOU CROSS THE BRITTISH BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET:



A JOB,



A DRIVERS LICENCE,



SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,



WELFARE PAYMENTS,



FOOD STAMPS,



CREDIT CARDS,



SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,



FREE EDUCATION,



FREE HEALTH CARE,



A LOBBYIST IN WESTMINSTER,



BILLIONS OF POUNDS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED  IN YOUR LANGUAGE,



MONEY TO GO HOME IF YOU DO NOT LIKE IT IN UK



THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY’S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH RESPECT



AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.



I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION…
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 18, 2011, 06:26:40 PM
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cosy little restaurant.  So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there,' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.



She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.  The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.



The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and seven inches in your pants'. After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.



He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.  It read:  'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in   Aspen  and   Miami  , and a 10,000 acre ranch in   Louisiana  . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches.  Just send the wine back....
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 19, 2011, 06:06:11 PM
A small plane was carrying three passengers over a mountain range -- an old man, his grandson, and an eminent scientist.

Suddenly, the pilot burst into the cabin, saying 'The engines have all failed! Grab a parachute and jump from the plane!' With this, the pilot opened the cabin door and leapt out with his parachute.

To their dismay, the 3 passengers discovered only 2 parachutes were left in the cabin!

The Eminent Scientist took a pack, saying 'I'm sorry you two, but I won a Nobel Prize, I am the head of several intellectual Think Tanks -- honestly, I'm worth more to society than either of you'. The Eminent Scientist leapt from the plane.

The Old Man turned to his grandson and said, 'My dear boy, take the last parachute. I've had a good life. Yours has just begun.'

'Don't worry, Grandpa' said the young boy, 'that guy just jumped out the plane with my backpack

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 21, 2011, 07:47:33 PM
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 22, 2011, 06:53:41 PM
A man requested a blonde painter to paint him in the nude.
"No" the talented blonde artist said. "I don't do that sort of thing."
"I'll double your fee," he said.
"No, no thanks!!"
"I'll give five times as much as you normally get."
"Okay," said the artist, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to put my brushes." :-)
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 23, 2011, 06:36:49 PM

Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."
The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it’s a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."
So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.
"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.
"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.
"Yeah, I think I do!"
"Well, I didn't."


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 25, 2011, 05:07:45 AM
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem? "Ma'am," the officer replies, you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers. Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time, "the officer asks. Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 27, 2011, 03:07:40 AM
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-0ld draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells.
The 94-year-old hollers back, "I don't know, I'll come up to see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or going down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful", and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 27, 2011, 04:33:48 AM
I think this guy may have something!!



 



The Secret to a Long Marriage!



At St. Peter's Catholic Church in York City , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked George, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.



George replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well, I've tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, but best of all is, I took her to Malta for the 25th anniversary!'



The priest responded, 'George, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!  Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'



George proudly replied, " I'm going back  to Malta to pick her up."
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 28, 2011, 07:02:56 PM
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, gee, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps and be a doctor! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 28, 2011, 08:50:47 PM
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.



This is how it manifests itself:



I decide to water my garden.



As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.



As I head towards the garage, I notice post on the porch table that I picked up from the postman earlier.



I decide to go through it before I wash the car.



I put my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the recyclingbox under the table, and notice that the recycling box is full.



So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the recycling first.



But then I think, since I'm going to be near the postbox when I takeout the recycling paper anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.



I take my cheque book off the table and notice that there is only onecheque left.



My extra cheques are in the desk in my study, so I go into the houseto my desk where I find the cup of coffee I'd been drinking.



I'm going to look for my cheques but first I need to push the coffee aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.The coffee is getting cold, and I decide to make another cup..



As I head toward the kitchen with the cold coffee, a vase of flowers on the worktop catches my eye - the flowers need water.



I put the coffee on the worktop and discover my reading glasses thatI've been searching for all morning.



I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.



I put the glasses back down on the worktop, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote control.



Someone left it on the kitchen table.I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV,I'll be looking for theremote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so Idecide to put it back where it belongs, but first I'll water theflowers.



I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor..



So, I put the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.



At the end of the day:The car isn't washed



The bills aren't paid



There is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the kitchen work-surface



The flowers don't have enough water,



There is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book



,I can't find the remote,I can't find my glasses,



And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.



Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm reallybaffled because I know I was busy all blummin day and I'm really tired.



I realise this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.....






Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on April 28, 2011, 09:37:52 PM
Hello,
Tommy!
I'm
Richard
Nixon.


   (http://i146.photobucket.com/albums/r271/rontello/ODD%20Stuff/Nixon_plane.jpg)

I like your jokes <this> much!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 29, 2011, 03:12:41 AM




Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House.  After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked outgoing President Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.



When he entered Clinton 's private toilet, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal.



That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. 'Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal. But I wouldn't do something so self-indulgent!'



Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.



That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill, 'I found out who peed in your saxophone
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on April 30, 2011, 06:51:43 PM
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him."
"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.
"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 02, 2011, 06:26:45 PM
Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 03, 2011, 06:05:27 PM
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.



The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.



The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.



The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.



'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.



'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.



' The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 04, 2011, 07:43:58 PM
*** Breaking News***
CBC reports: Beginning in mid-2011 fuel stations will start showing PORN movies on the screens of the pumps so that you can watch someone else get screwed the same time that you do..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 05, 2011, 06:00:50 PM
 ;D ;D
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.
"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: *CountessA* on May 05, 2011, 06:36:03 PM
... and I also liked this joke enough to laugh when I should have been looking very serious.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 07, 2011, 06:00:47 PM
Q: Why do dogs make such poor gamblers?

A: When they get a good hand at poker, they wag their tail..
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 08, 2011, 11:32:46 PM
 



I'm not normally chatty about day to day things, but I thought this might interest some of you.



I met up with an old friend, a lovely man, but not very bright. (let me give you an example; think Benny of Crossroads, or David from Heartbeat)



Well, he told me that he was now a Furniture Dealer running his own Business, and very successful it is too.



Without wanting to upset Tommy (that's his name) I was more then a bit sceptical,   so he told me about his latest plans, and what happened in his implementation of them. I then realised that he was, and still is the same loveable simple soul that endeared us all to him in the first place. Bless!!



Tommy had wanted to expand the line of  furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could  find.



After arriving in Paris, he visited with some Manufacturers and  selected a  line that he thought would sell well back home.



To  celebrate the new  acquisition, he decided to visit a small Bistro  and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed  that this small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.



Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table; asked  him something in French (which he couldn't understand);  so he motioned  to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down. He  tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his  language.



After a couple of minutes of  trying to communicate with  her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a  wine glass and  showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine  for  her.



After sitting together at the table for a while, he  took another napkin, and  drew a picture of a plate with food on  it, and she nodded. They left the  bistro and found a quiet cafe  that featured a small group playing romantic music.



They ordered  dinner..... after which he took another napkin and drew a picture  of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.



Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.



To this day, Tommy has no idea how she figured  out he was  in the furniture business.
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 09, 2011, 11:27:49 PM
iTS GOOD... http://elrellano.com/videos_online/4624/circo-roncalli.html
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 10, 2011, 04:52:28 AM
A tale is told about a small town in the South of England, late 1800's  that had historically been "dry" (no alcohol sold), but then a local businessman decided to build a tavern.



A group of Christians from a local church were concerned and planned an all-night prayer meeting to ask God to intervene.



It just so happened that shortly thereafter lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.



The owner of the bar sued the church, claiming that the prayers of the congregation were responsible, but the church hired a lawyer to argue in court that they were not responsible.



The presiding judge, after his initial review of the case, stated that: "No matter how this case comes out, one thing is clear"...........



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



"The Tavern Owner believes in prayer,



and the Christians do not."
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 11, 2011, 06:53:02 PM
What did the spider email to the fly?
Visit my Web site!
 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 12, 2011, 03:08:26 AM
A woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband:



"Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well,they're gone."



"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"



His wife replies: "Margie referred me to a hypnotist He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! the headaches are all gone."



The husband replies: "Well, that is wonderful."



His wife then says: "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"



The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says: "Don't move. I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.



His wife says: "Boy that was wonderful!"



The husband says: "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says: "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom.



This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror saying:



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



"She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 12, 2011, 08:55:31 PM
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.



"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.



"Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"



The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"



"Yes" comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 14, 2011, 06:07:15 PM

When the rod in her closet fell from the weight of her clothes Sally decided to donate some. While gathering the garments she no longer wore, she checked the pockets in one coat and found a ticket for shoes she’d brought in for repairs nearly four years before. “So that’s what happened to those,” she muttered. Later that day after dropping off the clothes, she decided to see if the repairman still had the shoes. After studying the ticket, the man said. “I’m sorry, but those won’t be ready until Friday.”
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 16, 2011, 05:25:00 PM
A man is in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, drowsy and recovering from the effects of the drugs he has been given.  A nurse is standing over him checking his vital signs.



"Are me testicles black" he mumbles weakly through the mask. The nurse, a bit surprised by the question but not easily fazes, lifts up his gown holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other bends down and inspects him very closely for several seconds before saying,  "No nothing wrong in that department, you are fine, nothing to worry about." With that she removes his mask. The man smiles " thank you nurse that was very kind of you and a nice way to wake up but what I said was "are my test results back?"

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 17, 2011, 05:18:31 AM
Little Jonny says to his mam,is it ok to have a willy
Yes said his mum why do you ask
Cos my dads upstairs sweating like mad trying to pull his off
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 18, 2011, 05:19:05 PM
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result.



He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home.



When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.



He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!"



"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.



"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 21, 2011, 05:55:18 PM

A young man studying in a college abroad sent this SMS to his father: Dear dad, no mon, no fun, your son.
The father replied: Dear son, too bad, so sad, your dad.
 


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 23, 2011, 03:29:59 PM
How to give a cat a pill.
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.
3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.
8. Tie the little angel’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 25, 2011, 06:43:56 AM
How do you sink an irish submarine?



Knock on the door.



 



How do you sink it again?



Knock on the door and they'll open the window and say



"Ah you'll not be catching me out this toime
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 26, 2011, 04:48:17 PM
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him!"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 26, 2011, 11:44:58 PM
A Somalian arrives in London as a new immigrant to the UK He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says........ 'Thank you Mr. British for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free educatio...n and no taxes!' The passer by says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican!' The man goes on and encounters another passer by. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in the UK !' The person says, 'I not British, I Polish!' The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Britain !' That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Russia , I am not from Britain !' He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you a British?' She says, 'No, I am from Africa !' Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the British?' The African lady checks her watch and says .....                               'Probably at work'
.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 27, 2011, 10:32:50 PM
The Dubai Fountain is a record-setting choreographed fountain system set on the 30-acre manmade Burj Khalifa Lake, at the centre of the Downtown Dubai development in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.



It was designed by WET Design, the California-based company responsible for the fountains at the Bellagio Hotel Lake in Las Vegas.



Illuminated by 6,600 lights and 25 coloured projectors, it is 275 m (902 ft) long and shoots water 150 m (490 ft) into the air (equivalent to a 50-story building), accompanied by a range of classical to contemporary Arabic and world music. It was built at a cost of 218 million U.S. dollars).



Do NOT click on the word "NEXT" in the upper right of the picture square.



Just be patient and wait for the fountains to do their thing; You're supposed to listen to the glorious duet by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli. (I couldn't pick any music up, but not to worry, it was still spectacular in complete silence)



Turn your lights down. Click on the centre to start it if need be. Click on full screen (the 4 arrows in bottom right hand corner). Then sit back, take a deep breath and let the beauty relax, refresh, and rejuvenate you!   The whole experience lasts for 5 minutes, and is very therapeautic indeed.



http://www.wimp.com/dubaifountain/


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 30, 2011, 08:11:34 PM
A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.”
“How about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on May 31, 2011, 02:48:03 PM
Drunks
Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail. His buddy says, "What are we going to do?" The driver says, "Don't worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our beer bottles and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let me do the talking." They pull over and the cop walks up to the car. He looks at them kind of funny, but asks to see the guy's driver's license. And he asks him, "Have you been drinking?" "Oh, no, sir," the driver replies. "I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you *sure* you haven't been drinking?" the cop asks. "Oh, no, sir," the drunk answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight." "Well, I've got to ask you," says the cop, "What on earth are those things on your forehead?" "That's easy, Officer," says the drunk. "You see, we're both alcoholics, and we're on the patch."

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 01, 2011, 06:11:13 PM
Two drunken men were driving home. The first started screaming: - Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the waaaaall! Baaaaam! They hit the wall. The next day in the hospital the first man asked his friend: - You good for nothing, I've been screaming for you to watch out, why didn't you? Jim answered him: - IT WAS YOU DRIVING!!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 03, 2011, 06:05:02 PM
"Is this really her" ? asks her Puppeteer, Simon Cowshed. "It looks like her, and it sounds like her, but is it her" ? 



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6DwN5n9iEE


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 05, 2011, 05:38:59 PM
This is ground breaking news to the Yanks.  They're all talking about it!!



According to this newspaper Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge are divorced less than a month after they wed!!



http://www.theonion.com/articles/prince-william-divorces-kate-middleton-after-5-wee,20648/


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 09, 2011, 05:17:09 PM
 ;D"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"



The irate customer calling the  Newsagent loudly demanded to know where  her Sunday edition was.



"Madam",  said the Newsagent employee, "Today is Saturday.  The Sunday paper is not delivered until  tomorrow, on SUNDAY".



There was quite a long  pause on the other end of the phone, followed by  a ray of of recognition as she was heard to  mutter,  . . . . .



"Well,  shite, that explains why no one was at Church  either.
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tellomon on June 10, 2011, 05:30:12 PM
WooHOOO!
I'm calling the

25700 *snipe*
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 11, 2011, 03:52:26 PM
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh! We’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts.
He communicates really well, and I just act like I'm listening."

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 22, 2011, 05:26:55 AM
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says...
“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 23, 2011, 05:48:11 PM

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 24, 2011, 06:11:16 AM



Let's Get Married


A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding.
When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional
service, they opted for the contemporary.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate
route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his
pant legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the
sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
"Pull down your pants, whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I
would prefer the traditional service."

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 24, 2011, 11:38:55 PM

This farmer had a wife who nagged him all the time. One day while he was outside plowing the field, she came out and started nagging him. While she was doing this, the mule kicked her and she died. At the funeral, the ladies came up and talked to the farmer. The farmer nodded his head "yes". The men came up and talked to him and the farmer nodded his head "no”. Well this other man wondered why he nodded his head "yes" to the ladies and "no" to the men. Then, he went up to the farmer and asked him why. The farmer replied,” Well, when the ladies came up, they told me how pretty my wife's dress was and how pretty she looked. When the men came up, they asked,’ That mule for sale?'


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 27, 2011, 07:50:24 AM
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on June 30, 2011, 03:33:00 PM
Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.” You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.”
Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?



Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 02, 2011, 06:31:25 PM
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" the man shouted "NO why don’t you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"


Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 04, 2011, 06:21:36 PM
PayPal is constantly working to ensure security by regularly screening the accounts in our system. We recently reviewed your account, and we need more information to help us provide you with secure service. Until we can collect this information, your access to sensitive account features will be limited. We would like to restore your access as soon as possible, and we apologize for the inconvenience.  

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We have reason to believe that your account was accessed by a third party. We have limited access to sensitive PayPal account features in case your account has been accessed by an unauthorized third party. We understand that having limited access can be an inconvenience, but protecting your account is our primary concern.

 

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another scam email sent to me...
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 06, 2011, 12:40:49 AM
  Some quickies for you ..

 My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?!Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes

. I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...but she did.

 The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Blow me, talk about Dyson with death.

  Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

   Two friends are fishing near a bridge.Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.His mate turns to him and says, " Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen "Dave replies, " Well we were married for nearly 20 years "

   Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a labrador." "f*ck that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind" 

  Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead"The operator says how do you know?He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up! “

 I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on.I said "You're pulling my leg"

 I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency. 

 A man walks into a welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from? You sound English", "I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously."What do you do, just across the Severn?", "I'm a taxidermist.""What on earth is one of those?", "I mount animals.""Its alright boys," shouts the barman he's one of us.

 Spent £40 on ebay last week for a p*nis enlarger.Just opened it and some sods sent me a magnifying glass!

   An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks have you ever been bedridden?she says, “Yes have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few times too.”

 Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse.....!Do you think I should change dentists?

Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 06, 2011, 07:33:14 PM

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 25, 2011, 11:48:37 PM
Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts.
Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile.
In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me."
As they were doing this, another boy was passing by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town.
"Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come quick!"
"What's the matter?" his father asked.
"No time to explain," the boy frantically panted. "Follow me!"
The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery. They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments. Then the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Do you hear that?" he whispered. Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts. "One for me. One for you. One for me. One for you..."
The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!"
The father was skeptical but silent -- until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other, "Now, as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road, we'll have them all."
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 27, 2011, 03:27:06 PM
An 86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results come back normal. The doctor says, ” Ian, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?” Ian replies, “God and I are tight.
He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof* the light goes on. When I’m done, *poof* the light goes off.” “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls Ian ‘s wife.
“Marianne, he says, Ian is doing fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof * the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, *poof* the light goes off?” “OH MY GOSH!” Marianne exclaims. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on July 30, 2011, 05:29:04 PM
THE LIE DETECTOR

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.  His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.  It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.  It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school.  Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been?  Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied.  We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John.  "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one!  You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.


 
 
 
Title: Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
Post by: tommy.irene on August 03, 2011, 04:47:08 AM
WARNING, PLEASE READ - I don't usually re-post these but... If someone comes to your front door, and asks you to remove your clothes, and dance in your front yard with your arms