Author Topic: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++ (Read 570878 times)

tommy.irene · « **Reply #350 on:** July 27, 2009, 05:33:42 PM »

am away back to uk..will be on the Aussie thread

marlee170681 · « **Reply #351 on:** July 27, 2009, 05:36:22 PM »

How do Tommy?

Hey Cupie...was just tellin CuePerkins on Contessa's Oz thread that I got you 2 mixed up.

Sorry about that...must ~~concentrate~~ water me plonk down eh?

tommy.irene · « **Reply #352 on:** July 28, 2009, 04:21:52 AM »

Its 7.30pm in uk .....A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He knew he was not speeding. But just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly. Again, the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

tommy.irene · « **Reply #353 on:** July 28, 2009, 05:01:52 AM »

Its 8.00pm in uk.. Just watched Irish Tv..We had the MILLION DOLLAR question on......

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

This is for all you nice people..

tommy.irene · « **Reply #354 on:** July 28, 2009, 05:39:37 AM »

A man and his mother in law were on holiday in Jerusalem..when there the mother-in-law passes away. The priest says to the man, "for $150 we can bury your mother-in-law here or for $5000 we can ship her back home to be buried. The man replies, "oh I will definitely have her shipped back home because if I remember correctly awhile back a man was buried here and after 3 days he came back to life".

Poddy · « **Reply #355 on:** July 28, 2009, 06:08:33 AM »

Tommy,

Thanks sooo much for the laugh............now you owe me a pair of jocks..........I laughed so hard i kaked my shorts.

tellomon · « **Reply #356 on:** July 28, 2009, 06:36:43 AM »

Why did the zombie go to hospital?
He wanted to learn a few sick jokes.

How do you know a zombie is tired?
He's dead on his feet.

What do little zombies play?
Corpses and Robbers.

What did the zombie get a medal for?
Deadication.

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend?
It's a dead-letter day.

Where do zombies go for cruises?
The Deaditerranean Sea.

What did the zombie's friend say when he introduced him to his girlfriend?
Good grief! Where did you dig her up from?

What do you call a zombie in a belfry?
A dead ringer.

What did the zombie eat after its teeth were pulled out?
The dentist.

http://www.barhah.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=740

We all know what zombies like. The like braaaains. But that's just in general. Zombies come from all walks of after-life.

What do zombie laundresses worry about? Staaaaains.

How do zombies get to work? Traaaaaains.

What does the zombie doctor cure? Paaains.

What do zombie poets write? Quatraaaains.

And the zombie songwriter? Refraaains.

http://community.tasteofhome.com/forums/t/671953.aspx

# Q: Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
A: To eat the chicken's brain.

# Q: What has the head of a cat and the tail of a cat, but isn't a cat?
A: A zombie baby (eating a cat).

# Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because the zombie baby ate its head.

# Q: What's 18 inches long, pink, red and yellow and makes women scream all night?
A: A zombie baby chomping the head off the family parakeet.

# Q: What's the difference between unloading a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of zombie babies?
A: The bowling balls don't try and bite off your fingers when you unload them.

# Q: What's the difference between a zombie baby and a bowling ball?
A: A bowling ball can't eat it's weight in human brains.

# Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun being eaten by zombie babies.

# Q: What's red and gray and splashes?
A: A zombie baby playing in a puddle of brains.

# Q: How do you talk a zombie baby out of eating an elephant's brain?
A: You can't; they go in one ear and out the other.

# Q: What's cuter than a zombie baby?
A: A zombie baby with a bunny head in its mouth.

# Q: Whats funnier than a zombie baby?
A: A zombie baby in a clown suit.

# Q: What's red, and covered in ribbons?
A: Zombie baby playing in intestines.

# Q: What has 2 arms, 2 legs and 2 heads?
A: A zombie baby eating a human head.

# Q: What's white and red and wears rubber gloves?
A: A doctor being eaten alive by a zombie baby.

# Q: What is black and white and red and as hard as a rock?
A: A zombie baby beating a priest to death with a rock.

# Q: What's green, blue, red, and tastes funny?
A: A zombie baby eating a clown.

http://everything2.com/title/Zombie%2520Baby%2520Jokes

tommy.irene · « **Reply #357 on:** July 28, 2009, 08:58:28 AM »

Time for bed its 12am in uk

tellomon · « **Reply #358 on:** July 28, 2009, 09:51:47 AM »

The Witching hour.

Tommy's not a pumpkin!

Good thing. This Forum doesn't need anymore Cucurbitas* around here.....

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cucurbita

*FluffyDuckee* · « **Reply #359 on:** July 28, 2009, 10:25:18 AM »

Goodnight Tommy!!!

Helloooo Tello. Don't know what time of the day it is where you are. All I know is that the US is wayyyyy behind OZ time. he he.

tellomon · « **Reply #360 on:** July 28, 2009, 10:40:48 AM »

All I know is that the US is wayyyyy behind OZ time. he he.

Aussie snob!

This is the sort of noise that starts wars.

C):-{= <" go to your room. clean it. and when yer done, work on that attitude, little lady.... "<<

tellomon · « **Reply #361 on:** July 28, 2009, 10:57:22 AM »

Did I mention that it's Happy Hour in Montello?

It's true.

*FluffyDuckee* · « **Reply #362 on:** July 28, 2009, 11:14:46 AM »

Quote from: tellomon on July 28, 2009, 10:57:22 AM

Did I mention that it's Happy Hour in Montello?

It's true.

So where's ma drink????

tellomon · « **Reply #363 on:** July 28, 2009, 11:26:09 AM »

On the other thread.

cupie · « **Reply #364 on:** July 28, 2009, 12:25:26 PM »

Tello, what time is it in the US right now? So we know when to expect the fall out of happy hour?....It's lunch time here for christ sake....give it another 30 mins so I can grab a quick counter lunch...... and I'll shout you a beer.

Fluffee duck for you fluff? or will ye be having a shandy luv?....

*FluffyDuckee* · « **Reply #365 on:** July 28, 2009, 12:34:41 PM »

Fluffy duck if ya have one Cupie. I'll scull it when I finish cleaning my room.

tellomon · « **Reply #366 on:** July 28, 2009, 12:56:20 PM »

I'll scull it when I finish cleaning my room.

That's a Dearie!

C):-{= <" http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/condescending "<<

Main Entry:
condescending
Function:
adjective
Date:
1660

: showing or characterized by condescension : patronizing
— con·de·scend·ing·ly Listen to the pronunciation of condescendingly \-?sen-di?-l?\ adverb

tellomon · « **Reply #367 on:** July 28, 2009, 01:00:23 PM »

Tello, what time is it in the US right now?

After Happy Hour.
7:57 PM at time of this posting. Monday. (I know I know. Cool it. You got Winter, remember? Ha Ha!)

tommy.irene · « **Reply #368 on:** July 28, 2009, 05:39:22 PM »

Goodmorning..its 8.30 am in the UK..and its 5.30 pm there...im at my breakfast when your getting your tea

marlee170681 · « **Reply #369 on:** July 28, 2009, 06:33:44 PM »

Hey up everybody...been drizzling in Cairns for 3 days...doing wonders for me garden.

Is also perfect weather for snuggling up with me little dawg on the sofa and watching dvds.

Gonna have me supper now, so will pop back in a bit later.

IMG]http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa49/Lynnie_43/Image0476.gif[/IMG]

Tuesday 28 July

Possible overnight rain.

Weather will be fine during the day.

Head out to the clear tropical waters of the Great Barrier Reef.

Low 17 °C High 28 °C

marlee170681 · « **Reply #370 on:** July 28, 2009, 06:35:39 PM »

Wot happened to me Coconut Tree?

Bazinga · « **Reply #371 on:** July 28, 2009, 06:41:32 PM »

Hi ya Lyn its been awhile

marlee170681 · « **Reply #372 on:** July 28, 2009, 07:10:53 PM »

Hiya Hawk (doesn't sound right calling ye a nightie).

Am currently in the kitchen cooking supper...seems to be taking me forever tonight!

Mebbe if me email thingy didn't keep beeping "New Mail" I'd finally get to eat!

Gonna have another go now...catch up with ye later darlin xxxx

Bazinga · « **Reply #373 on:** July 28, 2009, 07:13:39 PM »

Tuern down the sound and you wont know you have a new message to read

Take care

marlee170681 · « **Reply #374 on:** July 28, 2009, 07:39:46 PM »

ok! microwave has "pinged"...so off to eat me supper.

Catch up with ye all tomorra folks xxxx

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*FluffyDuckee* · « **Reply #375 on:** July 28, 2009, 11:14:47 PM »

G'day Loopy, Tommy and Hawkey!!!

Tello, you've finally gone to sleep!!! Has happy hour finished or has happy hour finished you off? he he.

Centuries · « **Reply #376 on:** July 29, 2009, 12:41:40 AM »

tommy.irene · « **Reply #377 on:** July 29, 2009, 01:38:11 AM »

Its 4.30pm here in the uk.......................................
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

tommy.irene · « **Reply #378 on:** July 29, 2009, 02:00:08 AM »

Back to the good old days! It is estimated that by Christmas (if the current trend is to be believed), 20 million people will be affected by swine flu in the United Kingdom. The main distributor of the virus is almost definitely supermarkets all claim to give you something extra!

When most of the population of the UK uses a supermarket at least once a week, possibly more than 20 million people file past checkouts, and it would only take one person to sneeze, then and the virus would be passed on!

This situation is proving to be a death knell for these superstores as shoppers are reluctant to buy their groceries and run the risk of contagion. Even the 'buy one, get one free' offers can no longer tempt people because it could easily end in their death.

There is now a plethora of small shops opening up and selling more specific goods just like it was in the good old days. Bakers, who have always kneaded the dough, have used their loaves and opened up some small bakeries. Meanwhile, butchers were trying to save their bacon in old-fashioned market stalls even though the steaks might be high! Even greengrocers were very eager to show off their plums, melons, beans and cucumbers. In fact bells were ringing across all the old market towns in Britain - and these weren't just church bells they were also till bells.

One such trader, Granville Arkwright from Bolton, told In Seine News: "Since news broke of swine flu we have seen business go absolutely ballistic - now we are open all hours and have seen our profits go up by 200%. My poor Grandad is rushed off his feet. And at the rate things are going, we shall have to by a new doorbell and get a new till - it is just constant. It looks under the like the supermarket is dead and it's a case of for whom the Bell tills!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious...and I put in on here for a laugh yours Tommy

cupie · « **Reply #379 on:** July 29, 2009, 08:05:15 AM »

Morning Tommy...wow are we keeping you up past your bedtime these days or what? LOL...keep this up and you'll be sure to take out the Last Word championship.

tommy.irene · « **Reply #380 on:** July 29, 2009, 08:57:30 AM »

Hi cupie its 12am in uk am away to bed.. see you at 8.30am uk time..which is 5.30pm oz time

tommy.irene · « **Reply #381 on:** July 29, 2009, 05:26:56 PM »

Hi im back ..its 8.30am here..Goodmorning everyone

cupie · « **Reply #382 on:** July 29, 2009, 05:34:44 PM »

Morning Tommy....just about to go have a shower so I'll be back in a little while..don't go nowhere...lol

marlee170681 · « **Reply #383 on:** July 29, 2009, 06:21:05 PM »

*waits for Cupie to get outta shower*

*ah-ha*

*Gotcha*

[img

][/img]

*runs to kitchen to hide*

marlee170681 · « **Reply #384 on:** July 29, 2009, 06:22:43 PM »

*must learn how to post gifs PROPERLY on here*

Tis Tucker Time at my place...BBL xxxx

cupie · « **Reply #385 on:** July 29, 2009, 06:25:05 PM »

Hi Lynnie...out of shower, already half way through me home made Hamburger and Chips...

tommy.irene · « **Reply #386 on:** July 29, 2009, 06:42:35 PM »

it took an hour to get a shower..you must have a big body to wash..ha.ha

cupie · « **Reply #387 on:** July 29, 2009, 06:53:10 PM »

Na Tommy...can't put weight on a thoroughbred....but I do like em long and hot...showers that is...hehehehe.

I had to cook the hamburger and chips after I had me shower, so needless to say ...it took a little while...but vewy Yummy.....can't wait till summer in oz...back to seafood, salads and fruit...

tommy.irene · « **Reply #388 on:** July 29, 2009, 07:01:57 PM »

Ok cupie .....A worman journalist was preparing to be flogged 40 times in Khartoum on Wednesday for wearing "indecent" clothes, with 10 women already whipped for similar offences against Islamic law. Skip related content
Related photos / videos Hussein writes for the left-wing Al-Sahafa newspaper and works for the media department …More Enlarge photo Lubna Ahmed al-Hussein, who writes for the left-wing Al-Sahafa newspaper and works for the media department of the United Nations Mission in Sudan, was arrested in Khartoum earlier this month after being caught wearing trousers.

"I received a telephone call from the authorities saying I must appear at 10 am (0700 GMT) on Wednesday in front of the judge," Hussein told AFP on Tuesday.

"It is important that people know what is happening," Hussein said in an invitation to journalists to attend her court appearance and flogging.

"They will lash me 40 times, and also fine me 250 Sudanese pounds (100 dollars)."

Hussein said she was at a restaurant on July 3 when police came in and ordered 13 women wearing trousers to follow them to the police station.

Ten of the women were summoned to a police station two days later and were lashed 10 times each, according to Hussein, who wears a hijab or Islamic headscarf.

The women whipped earlier this month included some from animist and Christian south Sudan where the Muslim north's Islamic or sharia law does not apply.

Police have also cracked down on another woman journalist, Amal Habbani, after she wrote an article condemning Hussein's treatment.

Habbani wrote an article for Ajrass Al-Horreya newspaper following the arrests entitled "Lubna, a case of subduing a woman's body."

"I am waiting for a decision," Habbani told AFP after she was charged with defaming police, a charge which can carry a fine of up to several hundred thousand dollars.

The Arabic Network for Human Rights Information said the charge against Habbani stemmed from her claim that Hussein's arrest was "not about fashion but a political tactic to intimidate and terrorise opponents."

Unlike many other Arab countries, particularly in the Gulf, women have a prominent place in Sudanese public life. Nevertheless, human rights organisations say some of Sudan's laws discriminate against women.
Will see you later cupie.......

cupie · « **Reply #389 on:** July 29, 2009, 07:05:31 PM »

Heavy stuff Tommy....*glad I don't live there*

for now !!

marlee170681 · « **Reply #390 on:** July 29, 2009, 07:22:19 PM »

ok! My pc man has made his last phone call of the day (I hope) and left me with a mob of instructions to email to Nokia tomorra.

Am starv-a-rating...so am away to eat me supper.

Gotta luv ye & leave ye for now xxxx

But first...still trying to work this gif thingy:

(WOT HAPPENS WHEN I TAKE ME LIL DAWG FOR A WALK)...oops! sorry...caps...norty!

Code fixed by Admin, your helpful neighbourly code-busters. Who ya going ta call?

marlee170681 · « **Reply #391 on:** July 29, 2009, 07:24:01 PM »

booger! LET'S TRY THAT AGAIN!

And again - fixed by Code-Busters.

marlee170681 · « **Reply #392 on:** July 29, 2009, 07:25:04 PM »

aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! enuff for tonight!

tommy.irene · « **Reply #393 on:** July 30, 2009, 02:29:57 AM »

Its 5.30 pm in the uk......A young girl comes home from school
"Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy Mommy!" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"

She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"

"No Honey, Its because you're 24."

tommy.irene · « **Reply #394 on:** July 30, 2009, 03:55:27 AM »

Its 7pm here in uk......
Three women worked at NASA. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.
They were all arguing about where they should go next.
The redhead said that they should go to Mars. The brunette said that they should go to the moon.
For a while they started to argue loudly. The blonde couldn't take it anymore.
She said, "Stop it! I know where we should go."
"Where?" they asked.
"We should go to the sun."
The other two started to laugh. "We would burn up before we even got there!"
The blonde replied, "Not if we go at night. Duh!"

«

tommy.irene · « **Reply #395 on:** July 30, 2009, 04:09:54 AM »

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of Amercia Presidents balls in my hand

tommy.irene · « **Reply #396 on:** July 30, 2009, 04:23:26 AM »

There was a blonde and a brunette at a bar watching the ten'o clock news, and there was a man at the edge of a cliff about to jump off.

The brunette said, "I bet you fifty dollars that he will jump."

The blonde said, "Ok".

They both put there money on the bar. The man jumped off, so the brunette took the money and said, "Do you know how I knew he was going to jump?"

The blonde said, "How".

The brunette said, "I saw the five'o clock news."

The blonde said, "So did I, I just didn't think he would jump again.".................. Hope this put a smile on your faces,, from Tommy.........

tommy.irene · « **Reply #397 on:** July 30, 2009, 04:24:48 AM »

THREE

tommy.irene · « **Reply #398 on:** July 30, 2009, 04:26:03 AM »

TWO

tommy.irene · « **Reply #399 on:** July 30, 2009, 04:27:14 AM »

ONE

News:

Author Topic: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++ (Read 570878 times)

*marlee*170681

Poddy

**cupie**

*marlee*170681

*marlee*170681

*marlee*170681

*marlee*170681

**cupie**

**cupie**

*marlee*170681

*marlee*170681

**cupie**

**cupie**

**cupie**

*marlee*170681

*marlee*170681

*marlee*170681

marlee170681

cupie

marlee170681

marlee170681

marlee170681

marlee170681

cupie

cupie

marlee170681

marlee170681

cupie

cupie

cupie

marlee170681

marlee170681

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