++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++

[*smee*]

Tommy ...............................1500 snipe

[tommy.irene]

Good one Smee i missed that one...A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he’s going. “I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.”
The policeman asks, “Really? And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?”
 The man replies “My wife”.

.................

[tellomon]

LOLZ tommy!!!

[tommy.irene]

A lady found out that her dog ( a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian.

 

The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears.   He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine.

 

The vet then told the lady that, if she wanted to keep this  from recurring, she should go to the pharmacist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

 

The lady went to the pharmacist and bought some "Nair" hair remover.  At the till, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

 

The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

 

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."

 

The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

 

The pharmacist says, "Well, in that case, stay off your bike for about a week

[tommy.irene]

For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he offered her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey!,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' She watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce

[tommy.irene]

How do you define handsome? 

A test at a Durham City High school in North Carolina required students to use "handsome" in a sentence.
The girl named Lateshia says "Sometimes when I be suckin' Jamal's snake, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome."
The quality of our educational system sometimes brings a tear to your eye!!!

[tommy.irene]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

 

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

 

"Well" says the vet, "Let's have a look at him"

 

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says,

 

"I'm going to have to put him down"

 

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

 

"'No, because he's really heavy".

[tommy.irene]

WOMEN  WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE
 Barbara Walters, of  20/20 magazine, did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan several  years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.  She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. 
 Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to maintain the old custom. 
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked,  'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?' 
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes,  and without hesitation said, "Land Mines." 
Moral of the story is that no matter what language you speak or where you  go 



BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN

[tommy.irene]

A cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Medicine Bow, Wyoming .
.He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, '
If you ain't  gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.
He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.
The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'

[tommy.irene]

An Irishman in Canada says what most people in Ireland think

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koY6kXhQDQo&feature=player_embedded

[*Brum6y*]

I've only picked up on a few bits and pieces about the financial situation in Ireland - but the message has been pretty much the same as this gent.




(Don't know about the Michael Flatley bit, though....)

[tommy.irene]

They want to make him Irish pm...

[tommy.irene]

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
 The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
 The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
 The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
 The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
 But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."
 
 

[tommy.irene]

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration , he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom… Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

Now you know why the Fairy is at the top of the tree..

[tommy.irene]

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors.
 'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little paper bag.
'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows, Come back and see me in a couple of days.'
The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results. 'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag.
'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor.
 'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' Said the little paper bag.
'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor.
'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'
'Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor.
'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'
'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor.
 'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!'
 'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual relationship?'
'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm Just a little paper bag!'
'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor,






 This is good - wait for it .... .... .... ...... ....







'Your mother must have been a carrier'

[*Ubbie Max*]

Snowing in Scotland
 

A heartwarming e-mail message from my mate in Glasgow ...


"Hi all, it's snowing like hell here today. My mate says that since it's
been snowing, all his missus does is look through the window.


He reckons if it gets much worse he'll have to let her in.

[tommy.irene]

 
Dear God:  Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7.  Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

 
 

[tommy.irene]

 A priest offered a Nun a lift.. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg... The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.   The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.  It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' Moral of the story:  If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

[tommy.irene]

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.  The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'    'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.....  'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'  Poof! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in  Hawaii  , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.'  Poof! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.  The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' Moral of the story:  Always let your boss have the first say.

[tommy.irene]

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, '
Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' 
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' 
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it..
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

[tommy.irene]

Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it.
Johnny’s answer was, "Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a Black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer".
The following morning Johnny comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief.But the day after that Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again.
"My goodness Johnny, why the black eye again?"
He tells her, "Mam, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?'... and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started moving, you know, at the same time Mom was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a demented hyena on the bed"...
Then my father asks my mother, 'Are you coming?' Then my mom says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.
They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm also coming ! !


 
 

[tommy.irene]

v

[attachment deleted by admin]

[tommy.irene]

I bought a new deoderant stick today.



the instructions said,



remove wrapper and push up bottom.



 



I can hardly walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely

[*CountessA*]

As the duck said to the eel, "Bottoms up".

[tommy.irene]

How do you put this in the Pan..

[*smee*]

very carefully !

[tommy.irene]

 
WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?



A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.



After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”The priest replies, “My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.”



The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I’ll be damned,” then returned to his paper.



The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”



 



MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before answering
 
 

[tommy.irene]

An English salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan . . . Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. '
I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'
 Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,'Manicures, $20.00'.'Why not?' thought the salesman.
He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl.
Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'
The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out.
Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit........





Which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.


 
 

[*CountessA*]

Oh blimey.

I suppose he realised he had too "buttoned-up" an approach to life from that moment onwards...

[tommy.irene]

 A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo  safari in Africa , taking her faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
 Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
 "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
 Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
 So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks,
"What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...
 "Where's that darned monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story.... Don't mess with old farts...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
 Trash and brilliance only come with age and experience.

[tommy.irene]

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ...

 But that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.
I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

 My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter - either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

[tommy.irene]

This chap buys a top of the range, brand new sports car and shows it to his mates. One of them says to him, I like running and will bet you any money I could beat you in a race..... Ridiculous, says the car owner. There is no way you could beat me in this thing. Ok says the runner, lets give it a go..... So the car driver starts the engine and the runner gets his running gear on.


The race begins and the sports car roars off in first and then second gear. The driver looks at his speedo and see's he's doing almost 70mph but when he looks in his rear view mirror he see's the runner keeping up just behind his car. So he goes up through the gears and pulls away but when he looks in the rear view mirror again he still see's the runner close on his tail.....


This continues for a few miles with no change until he takes a very sharp right hand bend and the car driver see's that he has lost the runner. He pulls up at the finish and five minutes later the runner walks up to the racing car. Told you said the driver, there was no way on this earth that you could ever win this race..... Rubbish says the runner, I would have easily overtaken you on that last bend if it wasn't for a blowout in one of my plimsoles

[tommy.irene]

 



Happy Valentines?



A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.



The man says



"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"



"But why?" asks the man.



"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

[tommy.irene]

Dorothy and Edna



Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.



Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."



Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car, a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner. A marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show .. let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me twice!"



Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! . . . So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"



Edna: "No, no, no . . . I'm just saying, wear an old dress

[tommy.irene]

Paddy and Murphy sat at the airport. Murphy says



"I wish I'd brought the television"



"Why, are you bored?" asks Paddy.



"No" said Murphy "The passports are on top of it"

[lacey]

crikey, 50c for a button.  that's rich.

[tommy.irene]

Hey-up all...have just sent a message to Contessa to see if she wishes to start a new thread on RT UK.

Depending on her reply, hopefully there will be a new thread for you all shortly.

Sure we would hate to lose touch after meeting up and having fun?

(going to TRY to put a smiley on now)

 

Bloomin 'eck...didn't know there would be so many smileys!

Do you remember this Countessa

[tommy.irene]

"The Best Pubs Are Irish"
As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.
In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.
When you buy four drinks,he'll buy the fifth drink.""
Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink,then another, all the drinks you like, actually.
Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.

The Irishman swore every word was true. 

"Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times .."

[tommy.irene]

The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.
"Is this your wife sir?" said the officer.
"Yes it is" I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer.
"I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality and she's great with the kids

[tommy.irene]

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,she kept laughing and saying, "I don't THINK so."

[tommy.irene]

A farmer and his wife had just waken up one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"
"Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.
"Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss. Why don't you ever do that?"
The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon I can, but I just don't know her very well

[tommy.irene]

A woman in Atlantic City was losing at the roulette wheel. When she was down to her last 10 dollars, she asked the fellow next to her for a good number. “Why don’t you play your age?” he suggested. The woman agreed, and then put her money on the table.
The next thing the guy with the advice knew, the woman had fainted and fallen to the floor. He rushed right over. “Did she win?” he asked. “No” replied the attendant. “She put 10 dollars on 33 and 46 came in.”

[tommy.irene]

  We have the ‘ I’m alright Jacks’ who care only about themselves; the Haters and Fearers who only start threads about bashing foreigners; the Goaders who look for a fight while putting others down; the Nutters and the Paranoid who make little sense at any time; The Blamers – everything is someone else’s fault; the Know-it-Alls and the Smug; the more Humble; the Intolerant and Angry; the Tolerant and Reasoned; the Couldn’t Care Less about much at all; the Passionate; the Compassionate; the Smart and the Not So Smart; the Grumpy Moaners; the Cheerful; the Dull; the Wise; the Animated; the Funny etc.

Do you think that the RT is a representative (proportionate) sample of the UK public in general?

Or at least of the equivalent age range, as age would have an influence - I guess that most Rters are middle-aged or older.

It’s quite a hard question I suppose, because in real life we tend to associate mostly with people of like mind.

[tommy.irene]

In a grammar lesson in eighth grade Mrs. O’Neill said, “Paul, give me a sentence with a direct object.”
Paul replied. “Everyone thinks you are the best teacher in the school.”
“Thank you, Paul,” responded Mrs. O’Neill, “but what is the object?”
“To get the best mark possible,” said Paul

[*CountessA*]

Just for Tommy and any lurking UKers...


"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." - Spike Milligan.

"I never criticise referees and i'm not going to change a habit for that prat." - Ron Atkinson

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" - Samuel Goldwyn.

[*Brum6y*]

Spike Milligan, commenting about radio: "the pictures are better"

[tommy.irene]

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

[tommy.irene]

Everybody should pay their taxes with a smile, said Bob. “I tried it but they wanted cash.

[tommy.irene]

Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms.Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask,



"How did you catch those?"



"Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river. We got four salmon A great days fishing!"



So the fish-less pair look at each other and agree to give it a try.They get to a bridge and Sean calls to his friend



"Hold my legs now Paddy".



Well he is hanging there upside down for thirty minutes when he suddenly cries..



"Pull me up, pull me up!!"



Paddy asks "Do you have a fish Sean?"...........



"No" replies Sean, "There's a bloody train coming!"

[tommy.irene]

A burly man walks into his local pub totally distraught.
"Five whiskys in one glass please", he asks the barman.
He downs it in one and bursts into tears. The barman asks him what's wrong.
"My eldest son has just told me he's gay", sobs the man. He thanks the barman and leaves.

A few days later he's back.
" Five double whiskys in one glass please", he asks the barman.
Again he downs it in one and bursts into tears. Once again the barman consoles him and asks what's up.
"Now my youngest son has announced that he's gay", sobs the man, thanks the barman and leaves.

A week passes and the man is back. This time he orders a half pint of neat whisky.
"God Almighty!", exclaims the barman, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
"Oh Yes", wails the man, knocking back the drink,


"My wife!"