A typically English 40 year old bloke, having split from his
latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a
Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is,
until the ship sank.
He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies,
nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when
the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In
disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'
She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I
landed here when the cruise ship sank.'
'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a rowing
boat wash up with you.'
'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of
raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern
came from a Eucalyptus tree.'
'But, where did you get the tools?'
'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side
of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I
found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the
hardware.'
The guy is stunned.
'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of
rowing, she docks the boat at a small quay. As the man looks to shore,
he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp
rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much
but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?'
'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take
another drop of coconut juice.'
'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How
would you like a Pina Colada?'
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and
they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their
stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more
comfortable.
Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a
razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.' No longer questioning anything,
the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from
a piece of tortoisebone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are
fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but
vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She
beckons for him to sit down next to her.
'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, sliding closer to him,
'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's
something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something
you've been longing for?'
She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing.
'You mean..... (he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in
his eyes.)
'Don't tell me you've got Sky Sports'
