Author Topic: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++  (Read 677937 times)

*Yibida*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1350 on: May 06, 2010, 10:45:11 PM »
So Tommy... living in the canary islands now is your favorite dish canary pie ?.... LOL

*Ubbie Max*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1351 on: May 06, 2010, 11:29:54 PM »
Do they do a good Pluto Pup in the Canary Islands Tommy? How about Pepsi Max, is there a plentiful supply?

tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1352 on: May 08, 2010, 05:44:09 PM »
Duck is nice here..dont tell Fluffy..
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1353 on: May 08, 2010, 06:10:50 PM »
Hi Tommy!
"The B@zturd Love Child of Comix & a News Organization"

*FluffyDuckee*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1354 on: May 08, 2010, 06:34:26 PM »
Duck is nice here..dont tell Fluffy..

Hello Tommy, I didn't hear that.....
:duckling:

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1355 on: May 10, 2010, 06:38:33 PM »
another nice day ..
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1356 on: May 12, 2010, 05:12:11 PM »
 ;D ;D Morning everyone
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retribution

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1357 on: May 12, 2010, 05:30:04 PM »
Afternoon here 3.30 pm

Tommy are you a coin collector?


 :crazy:

tellomon

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1358 on: May 14, 2010, 04:29:26 AM »
Checkout his facebook profile!
"The B@zturd Love Child of Comix & a News Organization"

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1359 on: May 14, 2010, 04:33:31 PM »
Checkout his facebook profile!

OK I'm dumb. How do I do that?

If you got URL put it up please. Thanks from fellow 50 cal user. LOL

 :crazy:

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1360 on: May 14, 2010, 04:57:13 PM »
Checkout his facebook profile!

OK I'm dumb. How do I do that?

If you got URL put it up please. Thanks from fellow 50 cal user. LOL

 :crazy:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1307992503&ref=ts
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1361 on: May 14, 2010, 05:03:03 PM »
Checkout his facebook profile!

OK I'm dumb. How do I do that?

If you got URL put it up please. Thanks from fellow 50 cal user. LOL

 :crazy:

Thanks Tello

Doesn't appear to have any other likes than watching TV. LOL

It answered my question.

 :crazy:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1307992503&ref=ts

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1362 on: May 15, 2010, 05:47:11 PM »
Dont do coins... but i love sea fishing..
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1363 on: May 17, 2010, 05:57:25 PM »
Goodmorning everyone
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*FluffyDuckee*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1364 on: May 17, 2010, 10:16:21 PM »
Good evening Tommy!!!!
:duckling:

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1365 on: May 18, 2010, 05:39:19 PM »
It's a bit early for Iceland volcano jokes. We should wait awhile for the dust to settle.


I see that America has declared war on Iceland . Apparently they are accusing them of harbouring a weapon of ash eruption.

~ ~ ~


It was the last wish of the Icelandic economy that its ashes be spread over Europe .

~ ~ ~

Iceland goes bankrupt, then it manages to set itself on fire. This has insurance scam written all over it.

~ ~ ~

Iceland , we wanted your cash, not your ash.

~ ~ ~

Waiter, there's volcanic ash in my soup. I know, it's a no-fly zone.

~ ~ ~

Richard Curtis is working on a new rom-com about people stuck in an airport who fall in love. The working title is "Lava Actually."

~ ~ ~

I came out my house yesterday and was hit on the head by a bag of frozen sausages, a chocolate gateau and some fish fingers. I realised it must be the fallout from Iceland .

~ ~ ~

Volcano in Iceland ... What next Earthquake in Asda?

~ ~ ~

Woke this morning to find every surface in the house covered in a layer of dust and a foul stench of sulphur in the air. No change, I?ve been married to that bone-idle cow for 20 years.


Vote for the Icelantic volcandic ash party they blocked all immigration flights all over the world.


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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1366 on: May 18, 2010, 05:44:18 PM »
An old couple in their eighties get written off in a plane crash. The bloke wakes up to soft music and warm colours.
"What's happened - where am I?" He cries out.
"Welcome to Heaven." Said Peter. "You've both lead good Christian lives, and now this is your home for all eternity."
He wanders round Heaven in awe, exploring it's beauty beyond words, and sees the most fantastic golf course.
"It's all free, and you can play until four in the morning, as it never gets dark." Comments Peter. Opening another door he sees tray upon tray of cream cakes, and reaches out for one, only to have his knuckles rapped by his wife.
"Now, now George! You can't have any of that - you've got to watch your cholestrol!" Peter rolls his eyes.
"Lady, you have no heart, you have no cholestrol."
"Tell me something, has it always been like this?"
"Of course."
The old man turns to his wife:
"D'you hear that, woman? You stupid cow - had it not been for you and your health foods, I could have been up here twenty bleedin' years ago!"

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1367 on: May 19, 2010, 03:49:22 PM »
Irish Virginity Test Kit

Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Paddy asks, "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"

The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.'

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1368 on: May 20, 2010, 05:08:04 PM »
Baptising an Irishman

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes
upon a preacher baptising people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of
alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for
a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found
Jesus me brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in
the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when
he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the
drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

(Are you ready for this????)



The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the
preacher, 'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1369 on: May 21, 2010, 02:07:22 PM »
 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:




:crazy:

Centuries

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1370 on: May 21, 2010, 05:47:34 PM »
Baptising an Irishman

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes
upon a preacher baptising people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of
alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for
a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found
Jesus me brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No,oi I haven't found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in
the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when
he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the
drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

(Are you ready for this????)



The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the
preacher, 'Are you sure dis is where he fell in?'



I am using that one :applause: :lol:
“I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, because I'm not myself, you see”  Lewis Carroll

tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1371 on: May 24, 2010, 07:40:49 AM »
goodmorning everyone
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*FluffyDuckee*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1372 on: May 24, 2010, 09:11:01 AM »
Good morning Tommy
:duckling:

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1373 on: May 25, 2010, 06:17:09 PM »
Goodmorning Lady Fluffy
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1374 on: May 25, 2010, 07:43:28 PM »
Hi Tommy!

"The B@zturd Love Child of Comix & a News Organization"

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1375 on: May 26, 2010, 02:20:56 AM »
Passed by here frequently enough - but I must ask your forgiveness for my rudeness, Tommy, in not saying Hello more often!

HI TOMMY!!


As for Tello - careful there .... you're skirting inside the arena of credibility.

Love the piggy bank and the caption.

tellomon

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1376 on: May 26, 2010, 02:30:33 AM »
Hey Horse, ya know something?

Tommy, Irene and me are on Facebook....and you are NOT!

word
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1377 on: May 26, 2010, 02:31:39 AM »
My choice.

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1378 on: May 26, 2010, 02:39:12 AM »
Well....yeah!......
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1379 on: May 27, 2010, 07:24:48 AM »
another day.. another doller
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1380 on: May 27, 2010, 05:39:19 PM »
Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe . We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:







'You got Male!


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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1381 on: May 27, 2010, 05:40:52 PM »
WIN!
"The B@zturd Love Child of Comix & a News Organization"

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1382 on: May 27, 2010, 05:49:16 PM »

Cherie Blair's Chauffeur.


Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.

Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur:

'You get out and check - you were driving. '

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie.

Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.

'My god, what happened to you? 'asks Cherie.

The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. '

'What on earth did you say? 'asks Cherie.

' I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them:




' I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.'


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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1383 on: May 27, 2010, 06:00:57 PM »
A senior citizens group charters an overnight gambling casino bus trip from Coffs Harbour to the Sunshine Coast.

As they enter Queensland , an elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.

The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area.

When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.

'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.

'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!'

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1384 on: May 29, 2010, 07:56:05 PM »
A man walks into a pub with an ostrich and a pussy cat. He goes up the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat."
The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!"
So the man goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky.
Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why do you hang out with him?"
The man replies: "I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever."
"What did you wish for?" enquires the barman.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

"A long-legged bird with a tight pussy…"
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1385 on: May 29, 2010, 07:58:53 PM »
LOL!
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tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1386 on: May 30, 2010, 04:20:53 PM »
The Pope and Tiger Woods die on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to Hell and Tiger Woods went to Heaven.

The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. "However", the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified".

Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.

On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from Heaven and they stop to have a chat.

"Sorry about the mix up", apologizes the Pope.

"No problem" replied Tiger Woods.

Pope: "I am really anxious to get to Heaven"

Tiger: "Why is that?

"Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"

Tiger: "You're a day late."
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1387 on: May 31, 2010, 12:29:13 AM »
I hate that guy!
"The B@zturd Love Child of Comix & a News Organization"

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1388 on: May 31, 2010, 08:10:39 AM »
I hate that guy!

No he is ok that pope once you get to know him

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1390 on: May 31, 2010, 11:27:41 AM »
I hate that guy!

No he is ok that pope once you get to know him

Not the pope. Tiger!

No, wait...BOTH of them!!!
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1391 on: May 31, 2010, 05:54:36 PM »
Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant."Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please". The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea.

So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant."Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding.

He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1392 on: June 01, 2010, 06:32:02 PM »
 


Paddy english man irish & scots are on a train compartment together with a hot babe & an old dear. the train goes through a tunnel.........SMACK!!!!!!!! train emerges from tunnel paddy english man has been decked is on the floor holding his smacked puss. Hot babe thinks "he just felt up the old dear thinking it was me & she decked him". Old dear thinks "he just felt up that young girl & she decked him ". Paddy irish man thinks "I cant wait til the next tunnel so i can smack that english man again"
 
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1393 on: June 04, 2010, 06:36:25 PM »
Goodmorning everyone...
***** TOMMY LOVES YOU ALL *****

*FluffyDuckee*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1394 on: June 05, 2010, 01:06:08 AM »
Morning Tommy
:duckling:

*Brum6y*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1395 on: June 05, 2010, 03:29:18 AM »
It'll be heading towards 'Good Evening Tommy' soon...

tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1396 on: June 07, 2010, 05:48:49 PM »
A typically English 40 year old bloke, having split from his
latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a
Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is,
until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies,
nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when
the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In
disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'
She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I
landed here when the cruise ship sank.'

'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a rowing
boat wash up with you.'

'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of
raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern
came from a Eucalyptus tree.'

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side
of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I
found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the
hardware.'

The guy is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says. After a few minutes of
rowing, she docks the boat at a small quay. As the man looks to shore,
he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp
rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much
but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?'
'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take
another drop of coconut juice.'
'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How
would you like a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and
they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their
stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more
comfortable.

Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a
razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.' No longer questioning anything,
the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from
a piece of tortoisebone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are
fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but
vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She
beckons for him to sit down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, sliding closer to him,
'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's
something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something
you've been longing for?'

She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing.

'You mean..... (he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in
his eyes.)

'Don't tell me you've got Sky Sports'

***** TOMMY LOVES YOU ALL *****

tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1397 on: June 09, 2010, 07:29:02 PM »
CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL WARNING

Due to increasing products liability, alcoholic beverages manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning label be placed immediately on all bottles:

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a w@nker.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name, and/or species you can't remember).

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-FELAFEL U powers.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
 



***** TOMMY LOVES YOU ALL *****

tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1398 on: June 10, 2010, 05:50:52 PM »
Goodmorning Everyone,,Another warm day .. 44* ..
***** TOMMY LOVES YOU ALL *****

*smee*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1399 on: June 10, 2010, 05:56:13 PM »
well above the average for this time of year , or anytime of year for that matter according to this Tommy

http://www.canaryforum.com/weather.html

hope you enjoy a cold beer ?