Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

Page 19 

During a Verbal or Texting Lashing out episode, do women with BPD accuse their special person of being a Narcissist? Even though there is no evidence of that?

💯… very common.

Neither does it just have to be folks diagnosed with BPD that make accusations like this.

Labeling the other person in a relationship a Narc is a great way to absolve the ‘labeller’ of any wrong doing.
(Think: "I know you are but what am I?" *)

Aka… “you're a Narc, I didn't do anything wrong, it's all your fault, I'm fine”

A very convenient way to avoid accountability. Lack of accountability is a classic, and possibly the best, sign of a Cluster B disorder IMHO.

Another part of this is projection.

All Cluster Bs have an underlying and very damaged sense of self worth. ASPD NPD BPD and HPD and different manifestations of the hell they suffered as kids (although sometimes it can be straight genetics).

(trigger warning for those with BPD)…

PwBPD are trying to fill an (unfair) void in themselves with the love and acceptance they don't give themselves.

So they look to get it externally. Usually from a Favourite Person.

Victimhood, manipulation, insults, degrading, affairs, discards are all driven by that unconscious desire. In them.

These highly damaging behaviours (to their FP) are because they want something from you. And they're done without concern for the effects on you. It's about the pwBPD and what they want.

And that's self serving.

Which is narcissistic.

So someone who labels you a Narc is very often projecting their own narcissism and own unresolved trauma onto you.

Good luck making any of those points unless you are dealing with a pwBPD who has committed to and actioned years of DBT, owns their issues and is accountable.

Otherwise they will fight you naked in the street in front of the police before admitting to any of that.

*(rhetorical question, colloquial, childish) Assertion that an insult made by the party to whom the phrase is directed is actually true of that party, and not of the person using the phrase. Usually considered to be a playground taunt.
https://www.yourdictionary.com/i-know-you-are-but-what-am-i
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ABSOLUTELY!!! This was and still is her favorite word for me. Along with ABUSER OF WOMEN, HORRIBLE MAN, DISGUSTING PERSON, and many more but these are the top 4.

My ex still does call me a narcissist as after the breakup she got a job in the neighboring city, moved 2 miles from me after living 35 miles away and now is showing up to my watering hole I've been going for decades and where my social circles are.

I show up this past Saturday night to arrive there as she and here sister, two tall very attractive Latinas are well dressed getting lots of attention in a semi dive bar. She knows damn well what she is doing and it her way of not letting me be not letting me detach and her f*cking somebody I know just to get under my skin. And she says I'm the narcissist.

After nearly 2 years of being called a narcissist and the on again of again relationship that would end abruptly due to her anger outbursts and impulsivity my world was one of unease, I began to see a psychologist. Because i was constantly being accused of being a narcissist I ask to be evaluated. After a full assessment and testing I am not thankfully and as advised by my Dr. kept my results to myself..

After turning around and leaving the bar that she and her sister were I get a call from a number I didn't recognize and it was her sister, I hung up and the following day sent my ex an email asking for her to please give me space and that there are hundreds of other establishments to go other than the 1 and only I've been frequenting for decades, her reply was simple, it read "NARCISSIST!"
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A true narcissist is incapable of insight into themselves. They engage in a psychological defense mechanism called “projection” in which they disown their bad personality traits and perceive these traits in other people.

A narcissist is likely to call you selfish, hurtful, cold, uncaring and abusive. It would be laughable, except for the fact that they truly believe it and they will punish you for things that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
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I would say that we get confused with narcissists more often than we are accused of being one. And this is generally due to what is known as the “overlap”.

For those who aren’t “in the know” narcissistic personality disorder and Borderline personality disorder can “appear” as being similar. And while the behaviours of each might outwardly present themselves in this way, it is the reasons behind the behaviours which separate the two disorders.

Here are some of the main differences:

1: Desires

People with NPD generally wish for others to admire and/or respect them in some form whereas a Borderline wishes for unconditional love and nurturing.

2: Needs

Someone with NPD is looking to stabilise their self esteem as well as enhancing it while someone with BPD is looking to be nurtured and will often wish to receive “reparenting.”

3: Defensive

If they become defensive (such as in the face of the break down of a relationship) the person with NPD will likely devalue their partner and May become hostile.

In the same situation the person with BPD will split their partner (now seeing them as “all bad”) and may take part in self harming tactics.

4: Fears

A person with BPD might fear that they are “unloveable” and will be “abandoned” while a person with NPD might fear being “worthless” and facing “public humiliation.”

Because the reasons behind the behaviours come from such different places it is unfair (and inaccurate) to place these two disorders into the same boat.

They need to both be understood.

https://www.quora.com/During-an-Verbal-or-Texting-Lashing-out-episode-do-women-with-BPD-accuse-their-special-person-of-being-a-Narcissist-Even-though-there-is-no-evidence-of-that

[tellomon]

What is narcissistic persuasion?

Through their evil ability, they make us the addicted pretty quickly. That is what I believe.

The addictive quality is always at work. For some reason, love bombing quickly creates a chemical reaction in our bodies and we become attracted and addicted to that.

Why are narcissists all intense in the beginning?

Precisely for this reason. They want an intense emotional reaction from us as quickly as possible so that we will put our logical mind on the back burner.

Why do we lose so many precious relationships to smearing by narcissists?

Why do people prefer to believe the lies of the narcissist OVER THE TRUTH they lived with knowing us?

Why is the narcissist able to take the Police and the Judge for a ride too?

Precisely for this same reason.

A member of the audience yesterday kindly drew my attention that it is the demon inside them that gives them the mask to act so covertly.

And it is the demon in them that gives them this unique ability to take so many people for a ride.

People have lost their lives to murder and to suicide because of narcissists.

So let us open our eyes real fast. Beware of love bombing. Today anyone charming and that person automatically gives me cold feet.

No authentic person engages in love bombing. It will always be the fake ones that indulge in that manipulative behavior.
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Getting you to do something that goes against your strong beliefs and making appear as though the world is going to come to an end, if you don't. Follow your moral compass; your gut is always right.
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A very simple and precise understanding of narcissistic manipulation by proxy (also referred to abuse by proxy) is that it is a manipulative strategy used by narcissists in order to manipulate and control others indirectly.

To achieve this, a narcissist will seek out and enlist the assistance of an third party (often referred to as ‘flying monkeys’), which can be a friend, family member, or colleague, in which to out the narcissist's manipulative agenda. The proxy is typically unaware that they are being used by the narcissist and as such will unknowingly participate in harmful behaviours and/or actions on the narcissist's behalf.
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They are accomplished liars and they believe the lies they tell as they tell them so often. They also take advantage of other people’s good natures. Most people will try to see the best in others and dont like to think others are capable of such evil behaviour towards others.

Most people prefer to see the good in others and will believe the sob stories and victim playing of narcissists as it’s preferable to believe this then it is to face the reality of what the person really is and what they are capable of.

It’s not always a case of the narcissist being convincing, it’s more a case of others not seeing or wanting to see who they really are. People don’t like to think that others are beyond help and can’t change so will stick around far longer than is healthy to, waiting for them to change.

It’s highly unlikely it will ever happen and the longer you stay with them, the more accepting and tolerant you become of them. They take this as a sign you are always going to stay, regardless of how they behave and in some cases this is a challenge to them and they will see just how far they can push your boundaries.

You will make yourself very miserable, and in some cases, ill... waiting for them to change. Life’s too short to waste with someone who doesn’t deserve you.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-narcissistic-persuasion

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

How do you know if you
are dealing with a narcissistic acquaintance male?

I unfortunately have a lot of experience with this kind of people. Let me tell you what helps me.

1. One compliment, I accept and appreciate. Three or more means I automatically SHUT DOWN. Sorry but NOT WORTH RISKING ANYMORE. Have taken enough of these risks in my life.

2. Bombards my phone in the first few months of dating. Block immediately. No asking for clarifications. Just block without any explanation. This person IS BEING FAKE. Definitely and absolutely.

3. Makes demands that I feel are breaching my own boundaries. I will explain nicely but if it happens a second time soon enough, sorry ZERO RISKS.

4. Trying to control me in any way. I love my freedom but there is no way that anyone will ever try to jeopardize that ever again. Zero tolerance.

5. Unable to discuss things in a civil manner.

6. Guilt tripping.

7. Gaslighting

8. Raging. This is very traumatic. No way will I ever witness raging ever again. No matter where this may come from. Splendid excuse and I will walk away like never before.

9. I stick to the truth. My truth. Anyone gaslighting me on that and I will automatically get cold feet.

10. Saying I love you in the first couple of months or making excessive demands on my time.

11. No way will I ever accept verbal abuse ever again. Do it once or twice and I am gone for good.

The above are very clear indications of real danger. Yes danger. The minute you date a narcissist is the minute your life is now in danger.

Don’t be like me. I learnt all the above the hard way.

And please, please NEVER, EVER EMPATHIZE WITH EVIL HUMAN BEINGS. You forgive and forgive and forgive until the day will rise when you are in such trauma and have lost so much that you would wish to die.

Please DON’T.
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They don't seem to have their own friends circle and will never see them hang with a friend, they often mention hard times and act of betrayal by other people, they want to spend as much as they can with you and will guilt trip you if you have other plans.

Example:

Person: i got plans with my family this weekend.

Narcissist: hope you have a good weekend, i'm just gonna be by my lonesome 😥

They'll love bomb you in an obsessive way, including constant messaging and if you don't answer with a set time limit they write something like “sorry to bother you, i'll never annoy you ever again!” As a tactic to lure you in.

They'll get extremely jealous over your friends and will not want to take part in activities involving them, this tactic is designed to isolate you from them.

Their life will be filled with constant drama and tears, drama which they expect you to come up with the solution to fix them.

They always put themselves down in front of you crying about how terrible of a person they are, fishing for your sympathy.

If you suspect you are seeing one, STAY AWAY, nothing good comes from them, once you work your ass off for years to improve this vulnerable covert narcissist's life and then they upgrade to confident covert narcissists. They'll roast you alive as thanks and discard you seeking a fresh new supply to fit their new status.

STAY AWAY.
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Oh my. The ole’ two faced goody two shoes covert.

Well, first of all, the covert narcissist is a little bit harder to detect. Mainly because they aren't the up in your face, hear them a mile off braggart like the ordinary basic narcissist.

These are your quiet, reserved, helpful narcissist. Make no mistake about it though, they are just as dangerous. I believe even more because they are extremely sneaky and secretive.

They play the victim card. They always blame others for everything. Never their fault.

When they become bored and tire of you, they will start discarding you.

They become very cruel monsters.

They are also award winners liars.

They cannot take any type of criticism.

They appear so genuine and helpful, but are actually diabolical parasites. If you are with one, I suggest running.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-know-if-you-are-dealing-with-a-narcissistic-acquaintance-male

[tellomon]

11 Curse Words & Insults From
The '50s We Need To
Bring Back

And make it snappy.

https://www.bustle.com/life/11-curse-words-from-the-50s-we-need-to-bring-back-16765036

[tellomon]

Domestic violence almost sounds harmless, but it is the living hell on earth.
Narcissism and Domestic Violence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guih2Ymy9G0

"YOU CANNOT save your narcissistic loved ones....  You can ONLY save yourself from being destroyed"
Are Narcissists Mentally Ill ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d76v-GUEGEQ

[tellomon]

What is it like to be a narcissist?

PART ONE

No matter what, they are your typical wounded child who never grew up emotionally. Their emotional level is stuck at their childhood trauma period with one word: the period of "Abuse".

With all being said, no matter how good the source of supply is, they will sooner or later get bored since they possess a really low boredom tolerance level.

They tend to hit on victims that possess high levels of Empathy or Empaths, because they are vulnerable and they are easy to be charmed and manipulated. Before the LB-DV-DI process they will start to test the new victim causing drama out of the blue, since drama bring excitement and everything that’s new is exciting.

They will cause drama out of the blue and see with how much they are able to walk away. If you leave them walk away with everything that gives them the green light that you possess high levels of empathy and you are a long term source of supply. However, if you resist their attempts they will discard you early on and move to the next source of supply. They are your typical druggies searching for Fuel aka their fix. If you passed their whole tests the cycle starts.

They follow a predictable relationship pattern of LB-DV-DI.

LB-rising the victim on the pedestal making him her feel special, telling them all the stuff they need to hear while they mirror the victim aka shape shifting to the victims character traits or copying the victim, with one word making the victim fall in love with themselves.

This is the closest the NPD will ever get to feel love, Idealization aka Love Bombing is a form of infatuation or obsession with their possession in this case the victim. They are obsessed with their new doll or object they want that so bad.

A NPD enters the relationship to fill his/her void pulling all the weight to the shoulders of the victim with one word. They seek for the impossible basically wanting the other people to fix them or fill their emptiness.

No matter what others do they will never be able to fill that emptiness because the problem is them not the other people around. After a period of time the void will be back in and they will start to think as maybe the new victim was not special after all since the void is still there. Basically the boredom starts to kick in and they will start to Devalue, once the Devalue starts there is no turning back.

Devalue-Basically it can happen gradually or suddenly when they get bored or called on their actions, once they start to devalue they start to groom new sources of supplies switching all their energy and time to someone else since it takes them a lot to manipulate new people.

It’s a whole new different challenge especially the people that are careful with sharing their empathy. They will pull back and suddenly switch all the attention from you to someone else. The victim will be left in vain not knowing what happened, what did they do, how it happened etc.

The victim starts to search for answers they will totally or completely ignore the victims attempts further more manipulating the victim.
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The same as what it feels to be evil. Thanks to a short circuit in their heads they feel nothing for people around them. As long as they pay up, the narcissist have a use for them. Stop paying and you will see how they can become.
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Going by what I observed with the two I was forced to put up with for a while, they feel superior and firmly believe they are smarter than everyone else.

I have yet to find a narcissist who doesn't secretly believe(s) he’s a genius, or super intelligent - above the rest of us for sure. They lie habitually and present themselves as God’s gift to humanity and, since most people don’t call them out on it, they believe they've successfully sold their false persona to everyone. So, they must be smarter.

The ones I know seem to think manipulation is a superpower, as well as being mean to others. They look down on decent people who hold themselves to higher standards and value truth, honesty, sincerity, and take care not to harm.

One of the NPD-afflicted persons I had to deal with told me, giddily, with all the joy you’d see in a child who ate a bucket of ice cream while everyone slept, how “mean” she can be “when she wants to”. She bragged about it. She loves the fact she can be super mean for no reason whatsoever, just cause she likes the feeling of power it gives her.

But her everyday-persona is that of a confused, misunderstood, shy rose who needs constant propping and a never-ending stream of encouragement or she’ll wilt and fade away.

They are also very jealous and envious. Everything you are and have may become a bone of contention and a reason for a narcissist to lash out. Someone laughed at your joke but not at hers? Get ready to pay for it, one way or the other. Someone paid you a compliment, but not to her - that will cost you dearly.

With one NPD, at one point, I found myself buying one for her of whatever I’d buy for myself. I like that t-shirt? Better get one for her too, or she’ll be offended. Almond milk? Let me get enough for both of us, or she’ll see it in my fridge and turn nasty for feeling excluded from my new regime. And “she” was merely my next-door neighbor - that insignificant in my life - who little-by-little assumed the role of my judge and master. They buzz around you tirelessly, forcing you to put them up front and center of your mind and life, or suffer the consequences.

After those experiences, I find narcissist’s onslaught is akin to occupation. When you are targeted, you soon find you are preoccupied with them. They’ll constantly text you, call you, involve you in their stuff, ask for your opinion on everything from how to button a shirt to flying to Mars - in addition to love-bombing you. When you attempt to wiggle out of the invasion, they’ll abruptly withdraw all the ‘love’ and ‘admiration’, act hurt, sulk and search for ways to punish you.

They also resent you if you meet new people, become friends with someone new, acquire new contacts and make new connections. If you want to start a new course, join a new exercise group, try something new, you have to take them with you, or they’ll feel slighted and insulted. You belong to them, so better not try to exercise your free will and act outside of their influence.

Most of all, they feel empty - desolate, and bored. I think being by themselves and facing themselves scares them the most. It’s as if there’s an abyss in there and they don’t dare look into it. That is probably why they are so reckless and always on the prowl for their next victim.

Try not to dwell too much on how it feels to be afflicted with disorders. For all their greed, one-upmanship, manipulation and effort invested in climbing up and over the corpses, narcissists seem to be quite unhappy. They are never satisfied with what they have, nothing is ever enough for them. It must be torture.

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/What-is-it-like-to-be-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

What is it like to be a narcissist?
PART TWO

As an actual narcissist, I'm writing anonymously to avoid being exposed.

I may not be officially diagnosed with NPD (nor I'd ever want to be), but two of my psychologists, including the current one, described me as "a narcissist", and being a psychology student myself, I think it's unfortunately accurate.

My self-image, it's quite inconsistent. Sometimes, I do feel grandiose, but in many aspects I am objectively above-average, at least.

Since I've had episodes of serious depression, I'll explain it in comparison to that.
When you are depressed, you view yourself as horrible by cherry-picking your worst qualities and experiences. It might be accurate - if a bit exaggerated - but you forget about the good things.

Now, narcissistic grandiosity feels like the opposite of that. You cherry-pick your best qualities and experiences. When you think of yourself, only your successes and capabilities come to your mind. (Part accurate, part exaggerated).

Now how does being a narcissist feel? I think the feeling I could most strongly attribute to being a narcissist, is the constant need to be important, respected and powerful. If people treat you with just a tiny little bit less respect than you think you deserve, you get angry. And by angry, I mean internally consumed by rage.

That awful, bitter feeling started in my childhood (obviously). I'll describe the process as well as I can.

So... I used to be a very kind, intelligent, but a bit spirited, and more than a bit aggressive child until my early teens. While I was always in the top quarter of the class, and pretty responsible for my age, there were those times, when I was told off, called cheeky, punished, ect... For most people, this is a normal part of their childhood, but for me, it increasingly felt like being unfair to me, and I couldn't accept that.

I resented adults (and I still do) more than anything. Every mistake seemed bigger in their eyes when I made them, than when they did. Swearing, wanting too much, becoming angry, speaking my mind had much more consequences for me, than for them. (I know, this is true for all minor mistakes of children, compared to that of their parents, but still. I couldn't accept. I can't.)

They spotted all my mistakes so well, so I began to spot theirs.

My parents were relatively sensible people, as far as parents go, but they were certainly no angels. They often shouted at each other, swore all the time, and talked to me and each other in a pretty rude way. They smoked. They lied. (Who doesn't?) They didn't always do well in their jobs.

Basically not serious abusive stuff. But they (and other adults) were of course scandalized, if we kids did any of that. I always asked them why, and they always reasoned with things like "It's not your house, You live on your parents' money, We know better, You should respect your elders...".

And I just felt desperate and powerless. I was too young to work and unqualified anyway. I couldn't grow up instantly, but I often fantasized about that when we'll get older, they would get it all back. They would be dependent on ME! And I would tell them off! I would be the boss. And most of all, I'd be BETTER than them. I'd show them that I've ALWAYS been!

But well, meanwhile I had to get my way somehow. I knew by that time that kindness and logic don't convince everyone, honesty just gets you into trouble, and obedience makes your superiors have even higher expectations towards you. And that is where the narcissist's best friend, manipulation comes into the picture. I had to learn how different kinds of people react to different approaches. To use my words as a means to an end, rather than wearing my heart on my sleeve.

In some situations, i needed to tone my tactless, aggressive personality down. That was pretty difficult, but worth it. I genuinely became more patient because of this little self-control exercise.

In others, I needed to exaggerate my emotions. That came pretty naturally.
And by my late teens, I tended to switch from nice to furious in seconds. (It can baffle people into compliance.)

Guilt-tripping and directing the blame at others came as a family legacy. (Heh.)
All of this for that sweet, sweet feeling of power.

Still, I empathize with other people, and will be benevolent towards them, as long as they at least treat me like an equal. But I'll be hell-bent on humiliating those, who are condescending towards me.

Despite all of this, I think it's possible to channel all these possibly harmful urges into something positive. If you want to be admired and feel powerful, you can deceive yourself and others into thinking that you are, OR you can work towards being actually admired and powerful.

That's what I'm trying to do. I used to go to a therapy group, where I realized that helping people gives me a rush of power that is much more satisfying than simple, selfish manipulation. Honestly grateful "admirers" are much better than mislead ones. Thus, I found my place in the field of psychology.

...So that's all. You can be disgusted by me or think I'm a horrible person, but these are the feelings of a certain narcissist. And hey, at least I'm self-aware, and trying to better myself. And wrote this long text for your entertainment.

(So feel free to feel thankful and praise me. :P )

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/What-is-it-like-to-be-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

Other than the previous Poster,

What will a narcissist never tell you?

Your truth. They’ll never tell you are truthful EVER, even after YOU bleed. You’ll never see fairness or justice. If that’s what you expect, you’re not going to get it from them.

They’ll never tell you how scared they are. Cowards. You can crush them with a tone, a look. Weak. Childish, simple. You’ve crushed them many times, you just didn’t know it. But don’t get them twisted, they’ve already planned a sadistic revenge against you.
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The narcissist will never tell you, that they spend there entire lives running from themselves. Trying to find distraction after distraction, supply after supply, so they can temporarily remove their focus from the one thing that terrifies them more than anything - their true selves.

The narcissist will never tell you, that honesty, sincerity and genuity, are nothing more than empty words to them, the meanings of which are completely alien to them.

The narcissist will never tell you that, if history is at all a good predictor of the future, that you should run - fast and far. Because the narcissist has a dodgy and checkered background, infested with failed relationships and angry exes.

The narcissist will never tell you, that they know how to take, take and take something more, but they do not know how to give. With the narcissist, you will be accepting a
one-way relationship.

The narcissist will never tell you that they have no ability to care about you, your needs, your desires, and/or your feelings. Their lack of emotional empathy, means they are unable to care about you.

The narcissist will never tell you, that all they will ever care about is how much and how well you supply them, at any given moment in time. Now, now,… and now.

The narcissist will never tell you, that it is in your best interest to walk away, now, because they have nothing good or sincere to offer you.
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Narcissists don't want you to know their true intentions, who they really are, what they are capable of, and what they have done in the past. Narcissists do not want you to see behind their fake facade, they want you to only accept them, because of their fear of rejection and abandonment.

They don't want you to know they are only in it for themselves, and that they are takers and not givers. They don’t want you to that they will try to destroy every opportunity they get.

They won’t tell you that they know you’re strong, and noble which makes them weak and immoral.

They won't tell you that they need you far greater than you ever needing them.

They won’t tell you that your happiness reminds them of their inability to happy.

They won’t tell you that they have a great deal of self-hatred, and self-loathing.

They won’t tell you that they fear rejection, and hate being called out on their behavior or criticized for anything.

They won’t tell you that they live a double life with many different skeletons in their closets that will scare you like the boogie man.

They don't want you to know that they don’t care about you and have no ability to care about you, and for you.

They do not have access to attributes like compassion, empathy - and only think about what they want or need from others. Despite all that, the narcissist will do everything possible to manipulate you, to give them that much more leverage over you as a way to control you.

They don't want you to know that they are unable to generate good feelings from within, because they have nothing good to offer except chaos, confusion, and emotional terror.

They don't want you to know that there is a significant and profound fear of abandonment residing at the core of their inner psyche.

They deal with inner demons, and emotional torture. Underneath the confidant exterior is a weak, vulnerable, and insecure individual who is empty, shallow, and afraid. Narcissists do not want you to know that it is in your best interest to run from them, as fast, and far away from them as you can.

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/What-will-a-narcissist-never-tell-you-7

[tellomon]

How do I get a narcissist
to leave me?

Hold them to the truth. ALL THE TIME.

They can’t stand that.

Don’t let them lie about where they were. Don’t let them take credit for things they didn’t do.

Correct them when they tell you a story and embellish their part in it. Play down their claims to greatness in front of other people.

Correct their pronunciation or grammar. OMG, stand back when you do that.

Demand to see their phone and be given the passcode. They will leave immediately.

In short, go poking around in their secret life and they will probably leave all of their stuff behind and never come back.
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The thing you have to remember about NPDs is that they so often use DARVO. *

The reason why they do this is because they do not have the empathy or sometimes even the cognitive empathy to know how to react when they get caught in a lie. They have to mimic and commandeer your behavior. They resort to their tried and true strategy of attack and they will do so relentlessly if you cause a narcissistic injury by calling them out on a lie.

Unfortunately, I am speaking from experience. They are very good at choosing minions and some of their minions will also have Cluster B personalities, which means they will happily make up lies and now you are one person up against 2 or 3 or 4 people who all say they are witnesses to something that never happened.

Cluster Bs like to help Cluster Bs because it is fun and because they resent NTs. They act covertly so they will never confront you unless you insist on it, but if you do you will lose because they have falsified so much evidence and they have practiced their story and their distorted version of reality. Even your witnesses will be confused on the chronology of events and facts because NTs do not sit around all day with minions in an echo chamber getting their story right.

They are not smart and they are not as calculating as they seem. This is survival for them and it is the basic practice of a few barbaric tools that they use instinctively over and over again and you are no match as as NT who has empathy. They know that you won’t lie because you suck at it and because you have remorse.

They see your empathy and your ability to feel remorse as a weakness. They will twist everything around and act like victims. If you call an NPD out on a lie be ready for a war that you cannot win. All NPDs are different and many will give in and just leave because they want easy prey.

You have to decide what you are dealing with before employing this technique. It didn’t go well for me.

* Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender (DARVO) is a tactic a person may use to deflect responsibility onto an individual they have abused. It is a form of manipulation a person may use to discredit a survivor's experience.
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Don’t be a victim. They can’t stand up to strength. Just give it them straight and between the eyes. They disappear like magic, that’s if you don’t leave first. Because, once you see how they operate, it’s pathetic.
___________________________________

Ha ha ha—DO The Same Thing They Do To YOU—LIE To Them, YES!

Once you are Sick & Tired of dealing with the Devil - Don't Beg & Cry for him to LEAVE—NO. Instead DO the following:

Tell him you have been diagnosed with an incurable disease—you only have 6 weeks left to live.

You just lost your job and need him to start paying bills.

The mortgage is late and needs to be paid—by him.

The refrigerator is empty and he needs to buy groceries.

He needs to start wearing the pants in the family, and be the bread winner.

YES, That is the Narcissist’s Kryptonite—He will RUN, and you will NEVER see him again.
_____________________________________

By putting your emotions out of reach and blocking them off you take away their ammunition against you. They are unable to "read" you. By cutting off your emotions, you are now on the same playing field with them.

You can coldly calculate your next move, just as they do. You are now talking to a Robot as a Robot. Robots don't emote. They don't react. Robots don't care. Robots can't be guilted, or shamed, or bullied.

It consists primarily of locking away your emotions and intellectualizing about what is happening between you and the narcissist - instead of feeling it. You must realize that the narcissist is reading your emotions and calculating responses based upon what they read.

If you stop thinking about what your feeling and block off your emotions from the predatory narcissist, then you are free to analyze what is happening with a cool and detached mind and make better decisions about how to respond - or not to respond.

Remember, the narcissist is an emotional manipulator whose goal is to provoke you to react, or even better, overreact. Then they can derail you from the point you were trying to make, or the bad behavior which you were confronting them about, or the boundary you were trying to set.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-get-a-narcissist-to-leave-me?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

Why did it have to end so badly with a narcissist?

Narcissistic relationships will always end badly!!

ALWAYS!

Its forewritten somewhere!! How can it possibly be any other way?

This is how it happens:

When the narc first meets the insignificant other, they actually believe with their whole FELAFEL U*ked up mind and with their whole black heart, that THIS is “ the one.”

The one they've spent their whole life looking for.

The one who constantly amires them.

The one who puts all the narc's needs before their own!

The one who constantly dotes on and compliments the narc because their little child inauthentic fake-ass egos need that!

The one that never asks questions of the narc.

The one who lets the narc do whatever the narc wants to do and never gets angry.

That's exactly what the narc is looking for, so you are “ the one.”

However, reality eventually kicks in as in normal relationships and you've gone from the infatuated stupid phase and settle into the “love “ stage.

As soon as things get all comfy and settle in for the winter, the narc loses interest because they found out you really aren't the one after all.

You are just like all the others before!!

Always such a f*cking disapointment.

You shall be punished for your behavior! It's all YOUR fault because the narcissist is incapable of self reflection!!

What relationship will end well with those kinda odds??

Certainly not a healthy one!

When most relationships dont work out, two people go their seperate ways. Sometimes even remaining friends.

When the narc relationship ends, you wont know until you've been punished in the most horrific , insane, diabolical, insidious, sneaky fukked up ways that will leave you doubting all you've ever known…about …everything!

It'll end with the narc blaming YOU for all their bad behavior!

Why???

Because you weren't “ the one.”

Fact!!!
___________________________________

A narcissistic relationship is a grand fiction built with lofty ideas and dopamine.

A narcissist enters every relationship ‘drugged up’ on grandiosity, exhibiting uncanny confidence and enthusiasm. The narcissist achieves this by idealising their target, dissociating from their repressed shadow, and compartmentalising reality in a specific way — only good vibes and superior concepts are allowed into this grandiosity-fuelled space.

Dazzled by the show, the target lowers their boundaries. They allow themselves to enjoy being adulated as perfect, and revels in being made the single focus of an ‘amazing’ person’s attention. Being idealised is intoxicating. Much like a drug, the idealisation experience gradually overwhelms the target’s senses until their reality is consumed by fantasy.

As the weeks and months pass, the target invests all of their emotions, thoughts, actions, energy, resources, hopes and ambitions into the relationship, convinced that it is real. However, much like a drug-induced high, the inevitable comedown approaches. When it does, the narcissist’s shadow comes howling out, and the relationship takes a dark and toxic turn. And what does someone do when the drugs wear off? They seek out more of it. However, the more they take, the less effect it has.

Both narcissist and target struggle to resuscitate the fantasy, growing more desperate as the relationship devolves into anger, mistrust, resentment and abuse. When the end arrives, and the narcissist tosses the target away, the target realises that everything they gave to the relationship was for nothing.

Finally, the target realises the most soul-crushing truth of all: They invested their mind, body, soul and being into a fiction. Coming down from a night of drug-fuelled partying is rough. A months-or-years-long version of the same thing proves calamitous. The house of cards comes crashing down, except there is no ground to fall onto — only the abyss. A core part of the target’s psyche collapses with it, destabilising their mental balance.

Then the nightmare begins.

When a large chunk of your life proved not to be real, you are left questioning what reality actually is. When you’ve lowered your boundaries to zero and been left defenceless to a toxic person for long periods, the trauma seeps in like a poison which takes many years to dissipate.

When you’ve had someone systematically reprogram your views and beliefs about the world and yourself, you are left with a virus in your mind which continues to torture you long after the relationship has ended.

‘Devastating’ is an understatement.
___________________________________

BECAUSE IT WAS INEVITABLE.

In the history of mankind, there's never been a good ending with a narcissist.

Unless you're on death row right now.

Then still, not so good.

Narcissists:

Do not emotionally attach.

Hate you but stay with you.

Abuse, neglect and disrespect you.

Are uncommitted and disloyal.

Can't and don't care about the pain they cause you.

Are recidivists and repeat every hurtful thing they do to you.

Ride you till the wheels fall off.

Leave you in the most disrespectful and atrocious manner to go be with someone they were cheating on you with.

Relish in the pain that they caused you.

Feel that they owe you zero explanation because you brought the narcissists actions on yourself and you deserve it.

This is all caused by an incurable disorder.

The narcissist won't ever be able to be a normal or caring person.

They will do what they did to you to every person they'll ever be with.

It's disordered behavior, caused by a disordered thought process.

As such, the ending will be completely insane.

That's why it had to end that way.

The narcissists hates you, and doesn’t give 2 f*cks about the effect they have on you, or how they part ways with you.

It could've never ended well because at the end of the charade the narcissist wants you to understand how much they despise you and how worthless they feel you are.

That's just how the disorder manifests.

https://www.quora.com/Why-did-it-have-to-end-so-badly-with-a-possible-narcissist

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Narcissism equals need for external validation of the false self.  Self care is different than that and it is healthy, but we all must decide for ourselves what that means.
Is Narcissism Ever Necessary or Beneficial?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6EdR1tqAjs

[tellomon]

Narcissists are like vampires - they feed off you but shrivel & evaporate in the bright sunlight of public exposure.
Why Narcissists Use People: Narcissistic Relationships Are Transactional

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m83qXdO9DCQ

[tellomon]

Not seeing another person as human but an object will forever be WILD to me.
Narcissists, The Organic A.I.: The Eliza Effect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kK0kLWMfQuE

[tellomon]

Satan was the first narcissist - no empathy - no ability to love - full of envy.
Is Narcissism a Mental Illness or Something More?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDsGkY79b84

@kimsmith819
2 years ago (edited)
Omg,  yes a narcissist is definitely like a parasite attacking you physically and mentally


@crencottrell7849
2 years ago
It's really a demonic spirit


@icherishcrochetandknit309
2 years ago
It is definitely a spiritual condition. They are possessed and need to be saved and set free!


@lluvleylex9358
2 years ago (edited)
I am sure it’s mental illness also spiritual warfare.

[tellomon]

Female narcissist are more effective, because people don't  think woman can be this evil, but they are.
The Female Narcissist Today... Toxic Traits to Look Out For

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8usLsL7KhGE

@jimmytoy8556
1 day ago
There once was a women that laughed at her partner and publicly humiliated him until he put three to the back of her head! True story.

[tellomon]

International Diplomacy

[tellomon]

What? The narc wants me to take it back? That's a suicide mission, one that I won't accept.

Three very painful things that every survivor of narcissistic abuse says

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spG05Ax8c6k

[tellomon]

In order to fail at something, there first needs to be a chance at succeeding.
Did I Fail The Narcissist?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAPrgcE78dM

[tellomon]

"In the shelter of life's storms, God stands as the unwavering protector, His divine embrace shielding us from the tempests that seek to unravel our spirit. Trust in His grace, for in the refuge of His love, we find strength, solace, and the unyielding assurance that we are safeguarded by a force greater than any adversity."

[tellomon]

What is the quickest way to get over a narcissist?

They got you addicted to their attention, love, care and validation while they fooled you or manipulated you, where you thought they genuinely felt for you.

Your whole self worth, self esteem, self respect, self value, self love is dependent on their love and respect, not from the abuse they put you through.

They are the bad friend to you who gets a good friend addicted to drugs. You are having severe withdrawal symptoms while they are withholding everything that felt good for you including: emotions, attention, love, care, etc.

Your self esteem is shattered from the abuse that they put you through.

You doubt your own vision, sanity, abilities, beauty and character from the trauma that they put you through with their manipulating, gaslighting, stone walling, emotional withholding, emotional blackmail, grooming, projections, silence, mirroring etc. etc.

It happened so fast and suddenly you are confused and you don’t know what happened. You didn’t see it coming. You were flying high on Cloud 9 while they suddenly dropped you like a hot rock and you never saw it coming.

You can’t accept the fact that they fooled and manipulated you since day 1.
It’s a really hard pill to swallow.

You have mixed feelings of anger and love for them. You can’t see the dynamics of what's going on.

There is hope inside of you that they will see their mistakes and change. You believe that the love that you are giving them is stronger than anything and you can change them and overcome this madness. You are basically reflecting your own emotions of sorrow, sadness, anger and grief.

The bitter truth is THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE THEIR TOXIC WAYS.

You loved this person genuinely and felt for them from the depth of your heart, while they never truly loved or cared about you. All they cared about was what they could gain from you.

There is a battle going on with your mind and body, trying to make sense of what happened, and you can never find the answers because they make no sense at all.

They never provided you closure because they know how much effect that has in your life, so they wanna confuse you furthermore, or leave the option to Hoover themselves back in when they feel like it.

You let them surpass all of your boundaries. You did whatever they asked you to do.

You were the sweetest person on the planet. Now you have lost your grip on your old characteristic Self. You are just a shadow lurking behind their back.

If you had a chance to show them how much you love them, you would have ripped your heart out for that person, while they never cared.

You are surrounding yourself with questions like:

Did they really love me?

Did I mean anything to them?

How easy it was for them to move on like nothing happened, after all those things that we had together and all of those promises?

What did I do wrong?
Is it my fault?
What could I have done differently?

Do I look terrible? Am I a bad person? I mean, if I had done my best they would have still been with me in the relationship, right?

The answer to all of your questions is simple: NO, you didn’t do anything wrong.

You have to know what you are dealing with: an immature kid who never grew up emotionally or spiritually sound because of the childhood trauma they had.

They don’t possess empathy. They can’t connect to people or love them since they have no idea what love really means, so you have to convince yourself that you are the mature person and you have to walk away from them.

You don’t need to fix or help anyone so they will love you. It’s not your job. You don’t need toxic people in your life. You need someone who is stable with their feelings and accepts you for the way you are. You don’t need to punish them, because they are already punished by life and the emotional turmoil which manifests within them.

HOW TO MOVE FORWARD?

Accept the fact that the person never really loved, cared for, respected or valued you. It was all an act. Accept the fact that you got "Played".

Accept the fact that you never truly loved them, but you loved their mask or facade; an illusion that they presented to you since day 1.

Accept the fact that you did your best and no one could have done better.

The problem is them, not you.

Accept the fact that you deserve better, because you are human and you have value and worth; you are not a plaything in their toybox.

Start regaining everything back by working on yourself. Bring yourself up to where you were and need to be, No one will do it for you. Let your healing begin.

Take it as if you are in a drug abuse rehab program. The moment you surrender to your feelings you are back to square 1, and all of your efforts will be gone while you are half way to get clean and sober.

Accept the fact that you don’t need revenge, because that would only hurt you not them. Revenge will make you no better than they are. With that they would turn you into them: soul sucking vampires. It’s not in your best interests to seek revenge upon a kid. Not a "good look".

Accept the fact that you are the mature person here.

Go out and distract yourself. Have a wonderful time. Listen to some Rock n Roll, dance, have a drink, let your hair down, meet new people and forget about the toxic person for your own sake and sanity.

Go full No Contact, cutting everything off from them including social media and numbers.
Feel blessed that it ended and God saved you at the right moment from this person. It could have been much worse; they could have injured or killed you. It does happen.

God gives us people that we need, not the ones that we want. This was the most difficult test that He gave you, and if he removed this person from your life, He had a strong reason behind that.

Accept the fact that what comes from God is always welcomed, and you don’t posses the strength to question His decision. He will give you the right person when you least expect it. Have some faith and believe.

THE LESSONS YOU SHOULD LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE:

Do not trust people easily; it takes a considerably long time to trust someone.

Do not empathize with everyone. Be smart to share your empathy with the right people and steer clear of the wrong ones.

Being nice to people is good, but that does not mean you should be someone's doormat so they can abuse you.

Do not allow anyone to abuse you in any way. If they do, you walk away without confrontations because they're not worthy of your benevolence.

If someone cheats or lies, walk away without a single thought. Do not hope, because if they do it once they will do it again. Live by this rule: "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, F*CK OFF!"

Learn to judge people from their actions, not their background, personality disorders or words. Who cares if they have BPD, ASPD, NPD or Psychopathy? You are not in a position to help anyone; you are Kind Soul, not a professional psychologist or a psychiatrist.

Learn to help yourself firstly then other people. If you don’t love, respect or value yourself, you can’t love anyone else, period.

Learn to walk away from Toxic People, because life's experiences help us grow as mature individuals.

Learn that no one can hurt you as long as you don’t allow them to.
It’s on you, not them.

Give people what they deserve. If they treat you like sh!t, you answer back with the same things in full measure. Let them know who is the boss of you.

Do not try to make sense of the nonsense. Do not drop yourself low enough to understand people with personality disorders. They will drag you to their level and turn you to lunacy. Do not overthink, just live for the moment.

Gently blame yourself and apologize to yourself for letting that person abuse you. They do not deserve an apology from you, your inner self does. Consider it a learning experience, and never forget it.

Do not ever try to ask for empathy from a predator. It’s like walking into a Wolf's Lair and expecting them to understand you while you beg, cling, plead for the predator's empathy, asking them to love, not hurt you. Will they be able to understand those things?
If you do walk in that lair, I would blame you, not the wolf, because you are an easy prey. It’s a cruel world out there; if you act weak or vulnerable to predators they will hurt you and care less, and that would become a "YOU problem".
 
Learn to look at things as how they are, not as how you want them to be. Learn when you are dealing with predators to think with your head, not with your emotions or feelings. Knowing the truth and acting with feelings is stupid. Be smart.

Basically your mind is clouded by your broken heart and you can’t see any difference what's real and what's not. That’s a big NO when you're dealing with people that have no clue what empathy is. Respect and take care of yourself first, then go forth into the world with love and compassion for others. Amen.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-quickest-way-to-get-over-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists say the most hurtful things?

They are never peaceful inside.
Never content.

Internally, that chasm, that abyss of nothingness is like a distended stomach of an emaciated child. It grows with every passing moment because they do nothing to fill it, not permanently. It growls with hunger for what it doesn’t know, but it knows temporary relief occurs when someone else is hurting, distressed, upset, especially when they’re the cause of that hurt.

They love chaos because it distracts them from the hell, the absence of their inner life is. Once you see who they really are, even when they are love bombing or pretending to be content, you will feel incredibly anxious and stressed by their energy, because you know they are gripping on to this tenuous facade of contentedness with all they have.

For me this entailed full blown panic attacks and blow ups, and, incredibly, this was more likely to occur when he was being fake nice or fake content. I am someone who has always always shied away from fake or surface interactions. I am an introvert, and grow exhausted by the superficiality of society and large groups of people, and yes, it is incredible to me that someone like this fooled me, when I am extraordinarily sensitive to bullshit, so his facade, once identified, was almost physically painful for me.
________________________________

Because they are hurt. They may accuse you of hurting them, but the truth is they were hurt long ago and more than likely you have done nothing wrong. But in their eyes you do everything wrong. So they have to get back at you. They have to get back at everyone to compensate for their own lack of self-worth.

They say the most hurtful things because this is their defense mechanism. You will never hear " thank you, I needed to hear that", "or thank you for thinking of me"…everything good you try to do gets turned around and they look at you as the enemy.

They basically look at everyone that way after a while and instead of trying to work out whatever it is. They need to hurt. And they will say the most hurtful things you have ever heard. Hopefully, you do not listen, and cut these people out of your life for good because these hurtful words only get more hurtful with time and who needs to constantly hear hurtful things about themselves, especially when they aren't even true?

F*ck 'em.
_________________________________

That's because that's how they feel about you. When the Narc I knew was mean and said hurtful things to me, I knew he was finally telling me the truth.

They feed off your reaction to the hurtful words they say because you thought they love and care about you. You think there's no way they actually mean that, right?

But they do. They hate you. They hate me and ultimately they hate themselves and are not capable of loving anyone.

So, f*ck 'em.
______________________________________

They’re generally dissatisfied with life, and despite their proclamations to the contrary, they freaking LOVE conflict and drama.

If things are peaceful, they become bored and life seems stale to them—they’re addicted to things being in an uproar, that whoosh of adrenaline they get when things are in turmoil. Drama is their drug of choice.It’s like a challenge to them, but they only really like challenges where they orchestrate those challenges, so that way they can control the outcome, increasing their feelings of power, superiority, and that no one’s a bigger badass than them.

So…if you seem happy and content, they get a bit snarly and toss a monkey wrench at ya, which they hope that pushes your buttons significantly that causes you to give them some kind of backlash that they can legitimately smack you down for your audacious assumption that you don’t appreciate their innocent attempts to improve you with their “well-intentioned” evisceration of you, only meant to make you “stronger”. And therefore receive their stamp of approval.

Which, of course, you can NEVER receive, because they’ll flip-flop on you every single time, even if you do or say what they told you the LAST time they criticized you and you think, “Oh, I know what I’m supposed to say and do this time…this is what he/she told me the last time I displeased him/her.”

NOPE. They just wanna stir things up and see what happens, just so they can make it “all better again”, and if they somehow lose control of you and the situation and you get pissed off and fight back in a way that they weren’t expecting or you decide, that’s IT, ENOUGH of this shite, I’m OUT, then they’ll hoover you all over again to try and regain what power they lost.

F*ck 'em.
It’s just mind games and manipulation.
_____________________________________

The narcissist is filled with bitterness and envy. They believe themselves to be Superior, part of a master race, if you will. The narcissist should be exalted not for what they have done (which is lie, cheat and steal), but for who they wish to be — the living God/Godess that walks among us.

The irony is that the narcissist is inherently inferior, they lack grit, fortitude, the ability to endure.

When you play along with the narcissist’s charade, when you oblige the narcissist by aiding and abetting their fantasy of Superiority, you indicate that you are ready and willing to be abused.

The narcissist then pours out their incredible hatred upon you, simply because you allow it. If you were a hard, callous opponent, busy with other things, they would be much more circumspect. Such people reinforce the narcissists inherent inferiority, they hold a mirror up to the narcissist and reflect their insignificance.

Hateful people hurt people. F*ck 'em.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-say-the-most-hurtful-things?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

How do narcissists react to rejection?

Narcissists CAN’T HANDLE rejection!! It is the capital offense, biggest hit to their ego you can possibly deal.

They call this a “narcissistic injury” as it is unbearable for the narcissist. Here are a few ways they will react in general, depending on the individual you may see only a few or combination of the patterns below:

Temper Tantrum - Be ready for the emotional storm of your life!! They will fly off the handle in outrage, in full on assault mode. Be prepared to be ridiculed, insulted, torn apart - having everything you have ever said and experienced with them thrown back in your face in the cruelest way possible.

In person, they will be frightening, maybe even threatening. On the phone they will be shouting at you incessantly with the intent to make you cry, apologize, and submit. If they text you or write to you, you will see their seething anger in every line they write to tear you down and berate you. They will hold nothing back as their aim is to hurt you in the worst way possible.

Extreme Devaluation - Because YOU rejected him/her, the narcissist needs to COMPENSATE for this. They will point out every flaw and begin to criticize you with extreme contempt. They need to diminish you to make themselves feel powerful and superior - they need to CONVINCE themselves that you are - unworthy, undeserving, unattractive, useless, unwanted, and undesirable to them.

They LIE to themselves to make themselves feel better about the emotional blow to their ego. Deep inside they feel incompetent, inferior, insecure, unloved, and unwanted, so they need to turn that around to take that off of themselves and put it back on YOU

Script Switch- At this point the narcissist gave all they had to getting what they wanted out of you, and they were CONFIDENT that you would oblige them, but now that you rejected or denied them, they see this as the ultimate BETRAYAL.

You see, this whole time they believed they were in CONTROL and ENTITLED to whatever it was they wanted from you that they could take for themselves. They will tell you and pretend to themselves that they didn’t “want you”, that you were “no good” for them anyway. It’s like the proverbial sour grapes story - they did not win their prize so now they have to turn it around and make you out to be of lesser quality simply because they couldn’t have you.

Replace, AKA "Discard"- Now that they couldn’t get what they wanted out of you, they will try to REPLACE you as soon as possible. They need to push you out of their lives and REJECT you back to REGULATE their ego. They will be back at the slot machines of online dating in a heartbreak to look for a better prize. They need to find someone who has values and attributes that you don’t have - perhaps someone younger, more attractive, more successful, more obedient, etc., anyone who will one-up you to make the narcissist feel better about themselves

Erase - Now that you have REJECTED them, they must DELETE you entirely to remove themselves from the HURT that you have caused them. They want to create a delusion where you never existed, so they will treat you like you are DEAD to them. This way, they can FORGET that the painful rejection ever happened!

They will also rewrite and script and the narrative to anyone who will listen, and make YOU out to be the loser in the situation. They will say that they never wanted you, they will warn you to never speak to them again, and they will weaponize their apathy to show you how little you mean to them. For narcissists, this is the ONLY WAY to regain their power and control over a situation to try to come out on top.

Do you now see how predictable, jaded, childish, and delusional they are?
Everything I mentioned above is utilized so that they can feel SUPERIOR over you, and it’s quite pathetic really.

What you need to do in this situation is to walk away - let the fool think he/she has won, and know that they do this so they can patch up their wounds. This is NOT how healthy and stable people operate, so take this poor behavior at face value and realize what you are dealing with is a temperamental child that didn’t get their way.

All of their screaming, pouting, and and storming off as a child worked on their mothers so now they are going to use that approach on you because it is all they know how to get their way.

It’s sad, it’s pathetic, and it’s even laughable when you can take a step back and see it for what it is. Just know that you have DODGED a BULLET and commend yourself for sticking to your guns and NOT GIVING IN TO THEIR BULL$HIT!!
_____________________________________

Rejection is possibly the strongest form of narcissistic injury a person with NPD can experience. That is because it hits at a lot of very deep wounds. It’s a massive point of shame, for basically anyone. It’s a direct challenge to a narcissists grandiosity. A giant hit on their self-identity and self-worth. It makes them feel worthless and might be the biggest basis for narcissistic collapse, besides maybe repeated abandonment.

A narcissist will not want to put themselves in this situation. That is why they are so obsessed with total control. A narcissist love bombs and mirrors for more reasons than to avoid rejection, such as to get their needs and wants met, but I think avoiding narcissistic injury might be at the heart of why a person with NPD is so smothering early on.

They need to build your dependency and infatuation with them, because they are ironically just as dependent on you to not notice any kinks in their armor, or find someone ‘better’ than them. It comes from a giant insecurity about themselves as a person too, and needing to externalize their means of impressing you and avoiding rejection from you. Using things such as gifts and sex, opposed to relying on who they are and the qualities they bring to the table.

It’s possible a narcissist doubles down when faced with an unclear or unsure rejection, but if we are talking a clear and sure rejection a narcissist uses a specific tool: reframing.
To everyone, including themselves. To the person that rejected them, gaslighting them into a place where the person with NPD is the one with the power.

So that could be pretending like they were never interested in the first place. Or accusing the person of being the narcissist themselves and deceiving them. Or that the person is being crazy or abusive, etc.

To others, likely a variation of that last point. They would reframe the rejection as them being the one that did the rejecting. They were deceived and led on and treated unjustly. The person is crazy and they don’t know why they even entertained them in the first place.

To themselves or to people that must not see them be rejected, they could get even more delusional with it. ‘The person rejected me because they realized I actually am too good for them. They know they don’t deserve me.’ Stuff like this.

The premise behind it all is deflecting the deep shame of the rejection, and preserving their grandiose false self to themselves and to others. Deluding themselves is probably the most important thing, as their fragile ego, identity and sense of self-worth is entirely at stake.
___________________________________

Narcissist tend to deny their own flaws and wrongdoings. They also usually victimize themselves and portray you as the perpetrator. This may happen if you reject a narcissist. In fact, they may even spin it around to make it seem as if they rejected you.

The best way to identify a narcissist is that they consider themselves superior to anyone else. They want to be the core center of everything and everyone’s attention. They want to dominate every relationship/friendship and every discussion. Everything they do is right and perfect. They want to be wanted by everyone. They consider themselves special and above everyone else. They admire and idolize themselves.

For you to reject a narcissist signals to him or her that they are not wanted by you. That they are not special to you. That something is potentially wrong, flawed and imperfect with them. That you do not prioritize them. It will shake the whole foundation of their identity and person, and they will deny and manipulate it to the best of their ability.

And by manipulate I mean making you be the not-so-special-one. Making you be the imperfect one, the flawed one. The one who is not loved or wanted. The one who is not prioritized and the one who wronged them.

They will generally manipulate you and others into thinking that about yourself. The best way for you to deal with a narcissist is recognizing that he or she is a narcissist and not take everything they do and say personally.

In addition, you deal with a narcissist by letting people in your social circle (in particular if you got the same circle) know that he or she is a narcissist… and that they do not take everything what these narcissists say and do at immediate face value and too serious.

The way to deal with a narcissist is to acknowledge that they are a narcissist and deprive them of said power. You do not have to ignore them as a person and exclude/freeze them out. Just deprive them of the manipulative power and influence that narcissism comes with.

F*ck 'em.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-narcissists-react-to-rejection?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

How do you get a narcissist to do what you want them to do?

Praise them. Hang on their every word. Tell them how intelligent they are. How they do everything better than anyone else. There you have it.
__________________________________

If you're forced to deal with a narcissist, and you can't get them out of your life for whatever reason, you have to punish them and reward them with the only thing that matters to them…

Supply.

Obviously, your life would be better if you could just go no contact, but I understand that there are reasons people can't. People that don't understand this have obviously never been in the position of having to feed your children or going homeless when a narcissistic spouse has taken control of your finances.

Even though you're going to feel like throwing up when you do it, you have to give them all the praise and attention they want when they do something they consider remarkable, like taking out the garbage once a month.

And you have to completely take away any reaction, which is their supply, if you want to negatively reinforce something.

You have to be careful though, because even though they have low emotional empathy, they have high cognitive empathy, so they have a remarkable ability to tell when they're being conned.

Yes, this is a pain in the ass, and I understand it sucks. That's why we all advise no contact if possible. This is no way to live.
____________________________________

First, you need to dump the narcissist as this is the only thing that gets them to sit up and take notice. You then need to put your “narcissist hat” on, utilizing any and all techniques you deem appropriate. Such as….

Push/pull

Gaslighting

Triangulation (big one)

Future Faking (another big one)

You get the idea. Just keep yo-yoing the motherf*ckers.
_________________________________

To manipulate someone, you have to be akin to a chess player.

If you play the game, and are able to be one step ahead of someone in his reasoning —even in a game like “rock, paper, scissors”— you will likely win.

He or her can be a narcissist, perfectionist or depressive, it does not matter if you are one step ahead.

The question is whether you are, or not, able to be superior to their reasoning.

Never forget that you are playing a game.

I don’t suggest attempting the game; recognize that you are in an endless cycle of life where all has been done in the past, all will be done again in the future, the uniqueness of our actions are illusory. Retire from the eternal cycle, avoid actions such as these and you will find peace and acceptation from the inside…maybe.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-get-a-narcissist-to-do-what-you-want-them-to-do

[tellomon]

They don't have a soul. So they need to get the soul of others.
The Narcissistic Harem: A Study in Pathological Resource Management

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izQz6lZ5YRg

@battlevain
1 year ago
The narcissist harem is yet another emotional weapon designed to make the narcissist seem very desirable, as the harem is always filled with hopeful suitors who are under their spell. The harem is also created to evoke jealousy in their significant others.

Jealousy is their weapon of choice and the harem consists of people fooled into believing that they are next in line for love. They are fed crumbs of romantic hope and are surrogate love interests kept on standby to do the bidding of the narcissist.

Everything about these characters, just like the narcissist themselves, is fake and superficial. Trust your gut and pay attention. The give away of these characters is that they never become your friend, they're simply remaining loyal only to the narcissist, as they secretly await the demise for your relatives which would signal their chance to be the one true love. They are all doomed. Get out and never look back.

It's very similar to what you see in cults.

[tellomon]

The evolving mythology of the “Manson girls”
The so-called Manson girls are pop culture fixtures. But we’re just starting to understand them.

by Constance Grady
Aug 8, 2019, 8:30 AM PDT


It was amazing the respect these girls had for Charlie. They just lived and breathed by him.

Once when we were working on the Christ story, he demonstrated the submission thing. He turned to Lynne and said, “Lynne, come here and kiss my feet”; and she got down on her knees and kissed his feet and sat down. And then he said, “Now I will kiss yours,” and he did. There was never any explanation or questioning. They just did it.



MORE:
https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/8/8/20757917/manson-girls-explained

[tellomon]

She told me "You don't have any Rights!"
@ronaldculley 3 weeks ago

Narcissists Deny Facts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIxwHXCw33Q

[tellomon]

If you're a narcissist, you're not a Christian.
5 Clues to Spot a
'Christian' Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_yVi6MX1Is

@helenwashington6212
17 hours ago
Amen. I found out that these wolves in sheep's clothing, religious narcissists love preaching the Gospel as long as the Gospel is not confronting and exposing anything
about them.

[tellomon]

Narcissists are experts at Scapegoating. It does a job on a person.
"Am I The Bad Guy?" Reacting to Narcissists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08JPoFLk-_U

@JohnDoe-gq3tm
4 years ago
I've become more self centered in a self preservation kind of way. But I don't consider this a bad thing. I rarely go out of my way to help anyone and am sick of others expecting me to agree with everything they say.

Or expecting me to fawn over their "helpful" suggestions that I didn't ask for in the first place. Hence why I rarely give suggestions anymore myself. I'm tired of people trying to change me. And I'm tired of being expected to kiss everyone's ass at all times. I don't want to lick other's wounds anymore. I don't want to be a smiling bobble head.

I no longer want to be "liked" for how good I make others feel. I want to be respected for who I am. I want friends who can have two way conversations. Who are curious about who I am instead of getting butt hurt because I "failed" at stroking their ego. Otherwise I'll just continue being a recluse. These one sided "friendships" are too exhausting.


@kylaren6337
4 years ago (edited)
Recognizing that you are picking up these traits is the first step. The more time I spent with a covert narcissist the more I noticed my anger, resentment, all increased and my reactions to these emotions became narcissistic.  I even derived some pleasure  in thinking of ways I could humiliate and embarrass them as they had done me.  This seems to be the only thing they understand.  Payback to correct their behavior.

As speaking with them about their behavior is the biggest waste of time.  Because they’ll just repeat it after their shame cycle.  The biggest problem is you’ll never be able to express your anger, emotions, in a healthy way, to a narcissist.  Their reaction to you expressing yourself in a healthy way is not healthy.

So you’re holding the weight of all the anger and resentment because they can’t even see their behavior is the problem.  Best thing to do is disengage with them and move on with whatever’s left of you so you go back to your true healthy self.  Because while they wear a mask you’ll find yourself putting on a mask to defend yourself from them.  It’s the worst.


@michelleescamilla695
4 years ago
The narcissistic cunningly circulates the blame & places it to the reaction of the behavior instead of their actual behavior that causes your reaction. Every. Single. Time. The key is to recognize it and not react if you don’t have to deal with them—go no contact. But if you have to react, point this pattern out immediately. And each time.

[tellomon]

"Gaslighting, blame shifting, projection, deflection, shame dumping, stonewalling, raging, the silent treatment, devaluation, discarding, and virtually every other behavior these personalities are notorious for, are all expressions of denial in one way or another."

Narcissists And Denial:
A Masterclass

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3U8D3rOZU4

@steadypace1262
10 months ago
Narcissists don't talk straight, they tell people what they think they want to hear and will say one thing and mean another just to confuse things. Living in denial suits the narcissist's compulsive need to tell one lie after another, it must feel good to someone who doesn't have a conscience or remorse.


@saturdayschild8535
2 weeks ago
I once told him the truth would set him free. His response was, “Are you threatening me?"
I knew then that there is no getting through his denial and lies, and stopped engaging him in any significant way. F*ck 'im.


@abdulc5726
10 months ago
"It doesn't matter, it changes nothing". They double down.

[tellomon]

"You don't have a relationship with the narcissist.
You have an arrangement."
Your Pain Is Not Real To Narcissists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHZjyeZ48X0

@completely_me75
2 years ago
The narcissist doesn't care about anything at the end of the day. They don't even truly love themselves. Your pain, feelings, emotions or concerns are just an annoyance to them because they can't even meet their own needs. It's best to just leave them alone once you realize what you're dealing with. Save yourself the headache.


@beth8275
1 year ago
They DO NOT CARE about you AT ALL. They can pretend they do but YOU KNOW they don’t. It’s difficult to truly accept that but if you continue to deny it, you’ll be trapped trying to get them to care.


@MarcSmith23
2 years ago
They’re both clueless about others feelings and experts at hurting your feelings on purpose.


@crystalwebster2005
2 years ago
I’ve been told many times when I’m in pain due to these people they accuse me of trying to make THEM feel bad.


@ianimal36
2 years ago
Once you feel like you're screaming into a vacuum, it's time to go. That person is getting off on your discomfort. You can see it, almost as a twinkle in their eyes. It's the only thing that lights them up.  RUN!!!

[tellomon]

How do you defeat a narcissist and break them mentally and emotionally?

I see this question so often. It's really a mystery to me, why people don't get it.

They are already mentally and emotionally broken. That's why they have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

You can't break what's already broken.

Leave and let them face their own tragic life. That is punishment enough.
_____________________________________

Become the indestructible! Ha! Ha! Ha!

You cannot even imagine how a narcissist will feel when you survive all their evil games and hatred strategies.

It is like you are swimming. Someone pushes your head down so long that you think you are drowning and want to give up. Something inside you warns you that you cannot give up. You are made up of better stuff. And you try to come up floating once again. The narcissist being who he/she is just wants to have another go at pushing you down again.

But you come up again another time!

I just love it! The devil incarnate in my life must feel pretty frustrated any time he catches a glimpse of me.

The b*tch still survived!

Believe me, the more you show your mettle, the more your self confidence builds.

Hey I am not indestructible. It is only by the power of God that I survived. Let me openly admit this on here.
___________________________________

The short answer is that you don’t really. They will go look elsewhere for supply - which they already are - but even more so if you’re not providing any.

But, you can cause narcissistic collapse temporarily for fun. But beware, it can get dangerous.

You stop taking the bait when they try to get you upset. You smirk or laugh at their tantrums. You become very satisfied with your life and excel at something they wanted to do well. You sing out loud for fun. You get healthy and get your body in shape. You become fully fulfilled without them. You become powerful emotionally. When they try to impress you with something they did it’s brushed off by you as ordinary.

This will cause them to push harder, try more. And it can turn violent. Go look at Robert Torbay’s past posts. He’s brilliant about this. But just be careful. You have to be fully ready for the fallout.

While doing all this, you need to be preparing your exit. There is no long term picture with a narcissist that ends well. They will f*ck with you until they die if you let them. Gotta go.

We can do hard things.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-defeat-a-narcissist-and-break-them-mentally-and-emotionally

"Or you can take your chances with dances....."

[tellomon]

It's like you have to thank them for their very presence and existence and be grateful they are with you. They think they are gods.
What Narcissists Want

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzw6fZD7qg0&t=929s

@AdamKraft-hq8pn
9 months ago (edited)
What you want narcissists can never give.


@SuperBlakes2
1 year ago
My experience is, that narcs do get over taken by a dark force. And the behaviour I have witnessed is evil. Maybe they can be civil one minute, then next minute their eyes go dark. And they look, sound and act like they are possessed by evil. Also I have been in a separate room from a narc, and I could literally feel their mood switch and the evil emanating from the room they are occupying. These people are evil. Praying to Jesus is the only way I have managed to stay safe against these cruel individuals.


@JohnSmith-wo7ns
1 year ago
Problem with narcissists, even if they aren't shouting at you or cheating, they are selfish and inconsiderate and never wrong. So you'll have arguments to which they'll never admit fault, they'll think you're bullying them so they look elsewhere thinking they'll find someone who will appreciate them, cos they're never wrong, remember???


@kendrickjobe2149
1 year ago
When Little Shaman said 8:22 "They hate you for the exact thing they need you to do, but they'll also hate you if you refuse to do it-- because they need you to do it." I felt that.

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Overcoming a narc’s betrayal, accept that their actions mean nothing. In the end, we’re all alone, and nothing truly matters. Embrace the void, for it’s the only reality.
7 Keys For Overcoming A Narcissist's Betrayal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8FYngYf-p0

[tellomon]

How can a narcissist get
their feelings hurt if they don't have real feelings?

Narcissists are easily hurt and when they feel disrespected they lash out. A narcissist is a damaged person who has many unmet needs. The pain they carry is unbearable, that is why they project their self hatred onto others. Narcissistic individuals are filled with emotional pain, so damaged that their lives cause terrible pain and hurt in everyone around them.
__________________________________

Narcissists do have “feelings”….they are human.

Unfortunately, their feelings are mostly…if not entirely…SELF centered.

Ego-centric.

Their feelings are distorted by their hyper-defensive, shame-based perspective.

And, as a result, they can not regulate EMOTIONS….they can not…and will not…connect on any EMOTIONAL level with others….that would require EMPATHY.

And empathy is kind of like the opposite of ego-centric.

Narcissists (imo) are like ppl who exist in their own little hyper-sensitive bubble, where they contemplate their own navels 24/7.

They expect…and assume…that everyone else is on-board with this and will admire and applaud N for being that way.

Narcissists are extremely SHALLOW, very rigid and selfish in their routines, and unable…or unwilling…to extend much energy or interest in anything or anyone that does not rotate and gravitate around N’s self-serving orbit.

N’s “feelings” are boxed in with that same bubble wrap world, tightly wound, and can snap at any time, especially when someone on the “outside” threatens N’s bubble-wrap existence.
________________________________

Who told you they have no real feelings?

One of the criteria of NPD is hypersensitivity to criticism, real or perceived.

They have a whole lot of feelings, for themselves. What they lack is empathy. Meaning, they struggle to relate/unmoved by and indifferent towards other people's feelings, unless it relates directly to them.
________________________________

The one I knew had feelings but he had a “mask” on just about all the time. I know they take criticism against themselves harshly. I think they're probably the most critical of themselves. If you call them out on something they did, they will either get defensive and try to deflect it on you or they will deny ever saying it (gas lighting). So I would say yes they do have real feelings but those feelings only really revolve around themselves.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-a-narcissist-get-their-feelings-hurt-if-they-dont-have-real-feelings

[tellomon]

"If you watch this, most of it will be Tello Talk and the Invasion of the Narc-Snatches".

TALK SH!T SUNDAY NEVER
KNOW WHO WILL POP UP

https://www.youtube.com/live/MpKqjzB3Lzo

[tellomon]

It's such a terrible place to be, that feeling of being stuck! These people will not change but we can! We can "unstuck" ourselves!
Feeling Stuck in Relationships With Narcissists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrZjAmRR1tM

[tellomon]

Why do some people say that the victims of narcissistic abuse are also partially responsible?

I am not excusing my ex's horrible and abusive behaviour but I think I was certainly partially responsible in my relationship – not for the abuse itself, which is unforgivable, but for putting up with it for so long. It takes two to tango, even if one of the dancers is a narcissist. I did not always behave in a way I was proud of either, even if my behaviour was in reaction to him or his provocations.

Narcissistic abuse and manipulation is very insidious and hard to spot; the damage is done slowly and over time, so much so, I didn’t even really recognise what was happening to me. It took several friends to point it out and hear them refer to ‘emotional abuse’ more than once.

I adored my narc-ex though and didn’t really acknowledge what was going on. I knew he was not treating me very well, I’ve got a diary full of the evidence, but I didn’t really correlate that poor treatment with the term abuse. It took a week-long silent treatment and a friend telling me to read up on narcissism before I really started to make the connection and wake up.

I am not to blame but I am perhaps partially responsible. I did not have any boundaries whatsoever, I didn’t even know what they were. I am a good person and I expect other people to be good to me too, especially in a romantic relationship. It does not work that way of course.

I have always had problems with self-esteem and confidence (I think due to a poor relationship with my narcy mother) and so I have put up with far more than I should for far longer than I should in romantic relationships. My mother told me when I was a teenager that no man would want me for me…and that is a deep-seated feeling I have found hard to overcome.

Many a stronger woman would have walked away within weeks of my relationship starting but I was hooked even though I spotted red flags (not that I knew about red flags at the time but I did have major concerns). I believed in love and I fell for the love-bombing. It had a powerful effect on me and I had no idea how vulnerable I was at the time; I also felt (and still feel if I am honest) that although I wanted to be loved, I didn’t really deserve to be treated any better. I was always consumed with guilt to admit my own feelings, desires and needs.

I wanted to help ‘fix’ my narc. He was confident, handsome and dominating and I liked that, he had a mysterious dark side, but he was also very vulnerable and soft and, supposedly, hurt badly by his ex. I wanted to help him, heal him, fix him, be there for him, make him better, build a future with him. He told me what we had was special and I believed him. It never even occurred to me to question his stories or some of the things he said (well, maybe I questioned it vaguely but I did not act on it).

People who blame those who are experiencing abuse have perhaps never been in that situation themselves, I don’t know – but what I do know is that the ‘trauma bond’ is a strong one and cognitive dissonance is also so hard to overcome (if you even recognise it).

It is hard to see through the fog and once you do, it is very hard to leave. Many people haven’t got any self-esteem left to find the strength to go, some are tied financially or through children to their narc and, actually, many of us are still in love with our narcs and don’t want to leave. I left because I knew my mental health and future depended on it.

I do feel responsible for allowing myself to treated badly for two years because I let him treat me that way and because I stayed for too long. I should have left very early on. I didn’t spot all of the abuse at the time (probably still haven’t sussed it all out) but I did know, definitely knew, he was not treating me very well.

Am I to blame for the abuse? No, absolutely not. He is. Is it my fault? No. Am I partially responsible? Yes, I think I am. I did not stand up to him but more importantly, I did not stand up for myself. I never put myself first. I am not taking anything away from empaths and survivors (or blaming us), we have been to hell and back, but we have the responsibility to look within and learn about ourselves.

However devious a narc can be, however subtle, we allowed ourselves to be treated poorly. I guess that is why we were tested and targeted by the narc in the first place. I suspect I am going to get some down votes for this answer but I am admitting my part. Rhianna Rockford answered on here that she sees herself as the enabler, well, that's how I feel too. Yes, I was entrapped with the future faking and false promises but I stayed, I put up with it.

I am working on my boundaries. I don’t really know how to overcome my self-esteem issues, which plague me, and I don’t know how to change the type of men I am attracted to – but I am doing my best to learn about myself, educate myself on narcissism and work on my new boundaries. I take responsibility for myself; I want to be able to walk away when I spot those red flags in the future.

Live and learn…and build boundaries!
____________________________________

I won't be loved for this answer.

I speak of myself, why I am partially responsible and why I am fighting those demons every day.

After the first time he abused me, I put it down to the booze. I went back.

After the second time he abused me, I figured he was having a bad day. I went back.

After the third time he abused me, it's only because he loves me. I went back.

After the fourth time he abused me, it had been a tough week. I went back.

After the six hundred and sixty sixth time he abused me, it was my fault, I'd hurt him, I went back.

I was never tied physically to him. I was trauma bonded by about the tenth time maybe, but I was the person who allowed him to do it, I was the enabler so to speak. Because in not leaving, I was essentially permitting it and forgiving it. Each time.

It doesn't give him the right to do it, but in each case, I went back. Therefore I wasn't the victim, I was there through choice.
___________________________________

Uneducated and uninformed? Naive and judgemental? Disordered themselves?

When we reflect back to the beginning of the relationship, many of us can now recognize the red flags we may have overlooked. This is a great tool, this is insight. With insight we can begin to make changes in our daily interactions with others. By making changes we can, hopefully, avoid getting tangled up with con-artists and abusers ever again.

These precautions are protective measures against predators. Predators prey. With insight we are less likely to become prey. Without insight, we are vulnerable to predators but not responsible for THEIR abusive behaviour.

I am in no way responsible for the ABUSE I experienced at the hands of the man I thought loved me. I have educated myself and made changes in the areas I felt necessary, in order to keep horrible people out of my life and away from myself and my children. He is responsible for how he treated me, I am responsible for never letting that happen ever again.

Not ever again.
________________________________________

The only people I have met who blame the victim, have a lot of traits themselves. I have learned a lot about the more sadistic side of narcissism, and it’s related disorders- psychopaths, and sociopaths, because of victim blaming.

I think victim blaming can be one of the most efficient ways of weeding out who you don’t want in your life. It can also be very helpful to examine the damaging “friends” that may have been drawn into your life, most likely because you were “wounded” to them, and therefore easy prey. Watch out for any that you met during the abuse, you may be prey to them.

Someone who I met in crisis, flies nearly every red flag of a sociopath. It takes a while to spot it, (due to their “I’m so spiritual” mask) but one of the easiest ways to detect them, is to make note of their pleasure (look for smirks) in bringing up your abuse, and their desire to ever so slightly reference how it probably wasn’t so bad, or how they would like to stay in touch with the abuser…these things, and many more, can be ways for them to sadistically torture you in a way that would be under most people’s radar. They may be trying to trigger you, so to feed off your pain.

I feel that some narcs, sociopaths, and psychopaths swoop in “for the kill,” so to speak. It is a thrill that they get. I highly recommend staying in group activities, and avoiding being alone with anyone who sides with the abuser.

This person will have a very hard time abusing you in front of other witnesses, as their own “good guy/girl” cover could be blown. Isolation is the tool of the abuser. Avoid it until you fully understand the abuse, and the warning signs of predators, particularly high functioning ones.

Group social activities were a great way for me to learn some fun thing to do, while also honing my detection skills. Abusive people love to blame the victims for the abuse. It is like giving themselves a pat on the back.
____________________________________

Most people would say none. But I’m a believer that we can invite certain energy into our lives and never really walk away from it completely until we’ve learned what we needed to learn. I actually learned a lot about human nature from my ex and his family.

I lost a lot, and it was not really worth it, but I did choose to stay for way too long. I had to learn to trust myself, because the same patterns were repeating. And the reason these patterns were repetitive is because I was choosing them. It wasn’t even about my ex. It goes way back into childhood. Really fascinating and sad stuff to unpack, and not everyone has the courage or the strength to do it.

If you’ve been the favored punching bag of one of these monsters, move on as soon as you can and do the inner work you need to in order to avoid attracting another one. They have a sort of a sensor and are able to sniff out the weak and vulnerable. Also, try to remember that narcy-narc didn’t choose to be a monster.

Don’t put up with his crap, but remember that he was a little boy (or girl) who once was hurt so bad and neglected so completely that he had to make a false self. Try to imagine him as a scared, crying little boy and in your imagination pick that little boy up and kiss his tears away. Tell him how much you love him. Tell him you forgive him. Then set him down and walk away.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-some-people-say-that-the-victims-of-narcissistic-abuse-are-also-partially-responsible

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Narcissists want complete obedience.  You are not allowed to be an individual in a narcissistic relationship.
A Narcissist's Unwillingness To Hear Your "No"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLzn0u4L_Cs

@NikkiGRocks4Ever
5 months ago
It is empowering to say no to a narcissist.  He had a rage fit and a temper tantrum. He was testing my boundaries. I stood firm. He called me toxic because I was not mindlessly doing exactly what he wanted. I walked away from him. I feel free.


@markjayw666
1 year ago
Spoiled little children in grown up bodies.


@Andrew-eo5bv
1 year ago
Especially when you say no to their abuse.


@notaclue822
1 year ago
They will go to such lengths...but THEY can say no when they want.


@jaclynmarie5747
1 year ago
I’ve noticed in life that you can get along with ppl who have different interests but not different morals.


@anjahoeck9428
8 months ago
Narcissists are the monsters of humanity.

[tellomon]

Why do narcissistic people never accept blame?

Narcissists can't accept blame because when they were very young a parent likely made them feel such immense shame or fear about being wrong or imperfect that they broke and built an entire fantasy world around themselves as a protective measure and in this fantasy reality of theirs they're never actually wrong.

And the best way to ensure that they are never to blame for failure is to couple up, set their partner up for constant failure or just twist reality so the other person is always to blame. They select highly empathetic people who likely also have a history of childhood abuse and therefore lack proper boundaries, lack self esteem and cannot see clear red flags easily.

The narcissist cannot change, but their partner can and will likely have to in order to leave the relationship.

But not everyone who cannot accept blame is an actual narcissist. Most people with this feature simply have maladaptive defense mechanisms centered around failure.
________________________________

Narcissists feel they are superior to you; it's no longer their responsibility to do anything in a relationship. Narcissists never take blame for what they do. If narcissists have to take the blame, that means they have to accept the fact that they behave badly in relationships and need to take responsibility to fix relationships.

Narcissists suffer from shame; they don't want to look flawed and be shamed in relationships. Narcissists will blame you, people, or circumstances to avoid accountability and responsibility. For narcissists, admitting the mistake is surrendering; their egos won't allow them to admit it, even if they have done anything wrong.

Narcissists are emotionally like kids who have never learned to take accountability or blame. Narcissists expect people around them to learn to fix things to keep relations going.
__________________________________

Narcissists do not accept blame because of the fear of being wrong, because it will mean in their mind that they will be shamed, humiliated, and/or punished, and it’s probably a part of their trauma.

They might have experienced and witnessed first hand what happens to those who are wrong, they are scorned, beaten, humiliated, and whatever else that's cruel, and if they were young enough, they will think the entire world is like this, and that the world will jump on them, perhaps even kill them, if they were wrong or showed weakness of any kind. They just want to survive in this world, so they might become as cruel as others have been to them, and in their mind it's a form of defense, a form of protection.

They don't want to be in a weak, inferior, low status position, because they can be stepped on and taken advantage of. They don't want to apologize, take blame, or beg for forgiveness, because that means they are being weak and bowing down to someone else.

They want to be at the top of the hierarchy, so they refuse to show any type of weakness that could interfere with that position, that would allow others to gain an advantage and go above them.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissistic-people-never-accept-blame

[tellomon]

Why can’t you have a logical sound conversation with a narcissist?

Because that is their way of being.

It’s precisely, exactly how they operate, in order to obtain their goal of fuel, superiority and control.

If they came with an instruction book, or if they were an ad on TV, the fine print would say….

WARNING!

Repeated and extended exposure to the narcissist is at your own risk.

Excessive and prolonged use of narcissistic interactions has been shown to cause confusion, trauma-bonding, PTSD, and, in some cases, even brainwashing. You may find Narcissists are habit forming. In lab rats, they have been known to cause panic attacks, heart attacks and cancer.

Do not expose the narcissist to extreme emotional outbursts, or you will likely be punished (by them). They are known to be easily aroused into anger, jealousy, rage and attacks of violence.

Check with a medical professional before engaging with a narcissist, to see if they are right for you. It’s always a good idea to have a physical assessment by a medical professional, prior to engaging with the Narc. Always follow your doctor’s orders.

Side effects include, and are not limited to:

Feeling crazy. Depression. Isolation. Loss of finances, your things, jobs, friends, anything of value. You may no longer enjoy things or people that you used to enjoy. Wondering if your friends still like you. Questioning why the Narcissist said what he said, and what you should have said or done differently. Ruminating… Yes, for hours, days and weeks, about the same thing, over and over.

Restlessness. Insomnia. Weight gain. Dementia, or believing you have it. Insanity. Trauma-bonding. PTSD. Change in personality. Guilt. Shame. Remorse. Being fatally flawed. Being wrong, oh-so-totally-wrong. Feeling that you’re a bad person.

Lack of ability to win an argument. Lack of logic, so they say. Over-thinking. Over-working. Feeling like a slave to the Narcissist. Feeling different than you used to be. Feeling like you don’t know who you are anymore. Feeling like no one likes you. Feeling like you should try harder. Feeling like it’s your fault. Everything.

Weight loss. Ill health. Overall feelings of lethargy. Lack of motivation. Bouts of unending crying…. over nothing. Hostility. Anger. Emotional over-reactions. Meltdowns. No interest in life.

Symptoms similar to bipolar where you’re excited and hyperactive one minute, and then depressed, the next. Rapid and major mood swings. Sleeping too much. Not sleeping enough. Nervous, anxiety. Heart palpitations. High blood pressure.

Feelings of worthlessness. Unending and unrealistic optimism because tomorrow is a new day. Living in your head. Inability to love like you used to. Feelings of inferiority.

Other symptoms which were less reported in studies include: Death.

Take the narcissist into your life only with the approval of your medical professional and seek out their advice if you experience any of the above symptoms. Having a narcissist in your life has been known to be habit-forming. If you find you cannot cope in daily life, we recommend you discontinue seeking out the narcissist, and seek medical advice.

Only you can know if the narcissist is right for you! Most people experience joy and happiness and life like no other! Ask your doctor to prescribe you a Narcissist, today, so your life can begin anew!

(I would say I’m joking and have a good laugh if this wasn’t all SO TRUE!!)

https://www.quora.com/What-do-you-think-of-this-conversation-with-a-narcissist-Obviously-I-never-got-a-reply-to-my-questions-that-are-legit-honest-and-fair

[tellomon]

Why can’t a narcissist have deep conversations?

Because they are empty.

They have nothing to draw from within themselves to support their end. They can mirror, memorize things they’ve read or heard, or monologue from that reserved pool of information, but for the most part cannot spontaneously converse because they cannot go deep within themselves to share their own thoughts, feelings, opinions, experiences and respond to another human as a human with similar behaviors and ideas.

They are stifled and cannot seem to share freely and openly because they fear they will give information about themselves that will expose their vulnerability or be asked a question they cannot or will not answer for the same reason.

This is my experience after being with a narcissist for over 12 years. We never had a real conversation and I was starved for communication ( among other adult needs and desires ) Being with him was like Groundhog Day or Fifty First Dates… everyday he began as an empty slate and brought no learning or experience from one day to the next - always a “self-erasing” blank slate.

He claimed he was “afraid” but never could say why or explain what he feared, and if I became frustrated in an attempt to communicate with him, he would accuse me (projection?) of my inadequacy to communicate “properly” and then he would shut down and stonewall. A vicious cycle.
_________________________________________

Narcissists often have difficulty engaging in deep conversations for several reasons, primarily due to the nature of narcissistic personality traits and tendencies. Here are some reasons why a narcissist may struggle with engaging in deep conversations:

Lack of Empathy: Narcissists typically lack empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Deep conversations often require empathy to truly connect with the other person's emotions and perspectives. Without empathy, a narcissist may struggle to engage meaningfully in conversations that require emotional depth.

Self-Centeredness: Narcissists tend to be highly self-centered and focused on themselves. They may steer conversations back to themselves, their achievements, or their interests, rather than actively listening and engaging with the other person's thoughts and feelings. This can make it challenging to have a balanced and mutually enriching deep conversation.

Shallow Relationships: Narcissists often prioritize surface-level interactions that serve to boost their ego or reinforce their self-image. They may struggle with forming and maintaining deep, meaningful relationships based on trust, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy, which are essential for engaging in deep conversations.

Manipulative Tendencies: Narcissists may use conversations as a means to manipulate or control others, rather than as a genuine opportunity for connection and understanding. They may steer conversations in ways that serve their own agenda or seek to dominate the interaction rather than engage in a reciprocal exchange of ideas and emotions.

Fear of Vulnerability: Deep conversations often require a certain level of vulnerability and openness, as individuals share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences on a deeper level. Narcissists may have a fear of being vulnerable or exposed, as it challenges their carefully constructed self-image of perfection and invulnerability.

Difficulty with Introspection: Narcissists may struggle with introspection and self-reflection, which are essential components of engaging in deep conversations. They may avoid examining their own emotions, motivations, or behaviors in a meaningful way, making it challenging to participate in conversations that delve beneath the surface level.

Overall, the core traits of narcissism, such as lack of empathy, self-centeredness, and difficulty with vulnerability, can hinder a narcissist's ability to engage in deep conversations that require emotional depth, mutual understanding, and genuine connection.
_____________________________________

They are fake people. They know a little about a lot. That is how they fool people into thinking that they are smart. Mine did that to me. I thought he knew so much! I was impressed! Imagine it took me years to figure out that he was a fraud…by then I was married with children and had a business with him.

They are great at manipulation. When I finally would confront him about anything, the rage would happen. I learned to run from the rage. He isolated us so he would not be found out as a fraud. They are all frauds. That is why they can NEVER have deep conversations…
_____________________________________

To my understanding they fear intimacy.

Or it could be that they are self absorbed coupled together with a lack of empathy..

I have many narcs around me. And one thing you will never get from them is basic dialogue. You will find yourself becoming physically sick and irritable due to not being able to have basic dialogue…..

They withdraw. They ignore. They disappear or walk out in the middle of conversation. They will cut you off and change the subject.

You exist for them only. So they like to keep you around when they need you but you should never seek to be validated or listened to or understood by them because they don't have empathy and so they are unable to connect.

It gets frustrating to the point in which you can almost beg them to just have dialogue. And they will sit and listen to you for a bit just to shut you up. They feel that they are doing you a favor if they pretend to listen to you for a bit. But you will notice that even when they are spending time with you because you have asked them to, you will walk away still feeling unfulfilled because they do not have the ability to connect and validate. They are too self absorbed and again they have no empathy.

So, F*ck it....Leave them.

And go hang out…Start going to events and activities and seek out validation and basic dialogue any which way you can. Because even scraps can make you walk away feeling better.

Leave them. Because if you don't, they will tear you down and strip your identity away and leave you sick to the point in which you feel you are dying.

One mistake you do not want to make is the one I made.

I chased for 22 years trying to have an intimate relationship with a vulnerable narc. It will never happen. What will happen is that they'll mirror whatever they feel you are looking for and even that does not soothe the inner issues we have which is the need to connect.

They will withdraw and you will chase. They will future fake and you will wait your whole life.

Don't do it.

Join social gatherings. There are many people out there who have the ability to connect and empathize.

Believe me, you have a better chance at having a relationship with a bug. You will get more validation from a grocery store clerk than you ever will from a narc.

Since they don't have empathy, what they will do to keep you around is run errands or buy things every now and then for you. But none of those things are fulfilling. What you need is true friendship and true emotional connection.

https://www.quora.com/Why-can-t-a-narcissist-have-deep-conversations

[tellomon]

What happens when you tell a narcissist that you think they are narcissist?

I sent my ex narc an article from Quora summarizing what a narc is and said: "THIS IS YOU!"

He told me he hates me, told me never to send him any articles like that again, and hasn’t talked to me since! I wish I did that 15 years ago! My life would have been so much more peaceful!
_________________________________

Story of my life. Constant put downs and the anger that comes with it is so unbearable. To find out my husband is the true definition of a narcissist, 14 years later, is even harder. I lost myself in this process. I lost the confidence. And all I do is try to help someone who doesn’t think they need help.
_____________________________________

A narcissistic is self absorbed, self righteous, selfish in every way. In addition, condescendingly manipulative violation with a smile. They will praise rage disengage. This is the ideal pattern. Once you confront a narcissistic about who he/she is….they will no longer engage in this game….they are caught, busted, found out….you’ve discharged, disengaged and discarded the narcissistic before they did. They will be upset, of course but won’t show it. You won!!! Game Over!!!

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-when-you-tell-a-narcissist-that-you-think-they-are-narcissist

[tellomon]

Why Do Narcissists Act
Like Victims and Blame Others

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4f0jwN1ahjs

@carolovesteven
11 hours ago
I don’t even bother. Let them smear and lie. Those who are worthwhile will question the validity. Anyone believing one side of the story without hearing the other side doesn’t really care about the truth. They’ve already chosen to believe the narcissist. Let them go. They’re not people you need in your life. Thank you.

[tellomon]

"If you watch this, most of it will be Tello Talk and the Invasion of the Narc-Snatches".

TALK SH!T SUNDAY NEVER
KNOW WHO WILL POP UP

https://www.youtube.com/live/MpKqjzB3Lzo

NEW LINK!

https://www.youtube.com/live/-TxtHZQTxIM?lc=UgwUk0KuKITF4p5esJR4AaABAg.A5Kjzx5D5BuA5KlsRWtKoy

@ronaldculley
2 hours ago
The tech FAILED immensely. And it shows.... One day....we may be able to get it right.

@UNSOLVEDCRIME24
2 hours ago
I still enjoyed the show it was fun.

[tellomon]

How do you unmask a narcissist?

Never waste your precious time and energy on unmasking narcissists, for their image and reputation are everything; they can go to any extent to teach you a lesson.

Narcissists are extremely cowardly and very vengeful. Think twice before taking the risk of unmasking them. The best thing you have to do is leave narcissists to heal yourself. People are smart enough to know who they are. The way you have figured out the reality of narcissists, the same way people too will figure out the truth of narcissists, if not now, then possibly in the future.

Narcissists should be unmasked legally when you are filing for divorce, in a property battle, or when they become a big problem in your professional life. Don't waste your time and energy on such people.

After being unmasked, either narcissists will just vanish or will

wait for the right time to take revenge.
____________________________________

Narcissists always unmask themselves eventually. Have no fear. Karma is always waiting to have the final word…

Only thing you need do to further unmask them is actually quite simple. Do nothing.

Go no contact, if at all possible. Otherwise, go grey rock - do little. Heal yourself.

Call out their crock of BS, if necessary.
Stick to the truth.... which they hate!
Remove yourself from their game. Be fair, firm, and principled. Don't get sucked back in. No play, don't pay.

Narcs are selfishly short term. In what they say, do, and take. Constant cravings, never satisfied..

Your N-EX was never your friend. Nor as smart as they believe themselves to be.

Most everything they say or do is a lie, untruth, or else some form of misrepresentation.

Nothing ever really stacks up. Narcs contradict themselves quite repetitively. Which always catches up with them, eventually.

Time exposes and surfaces all things. Truth bubbles up, and breaks out.

The shallow, highly toxic narc lake starts emitting some really foul smells. Don't be near the stench of Narc collapse.


Hopefully, you will have left them already.

Likely, some other poor sucker got caught in the endgame. Not your problem. Age withers them. Makes them bitterly nasty.

All their fantastical dreams, endless supplies of free money, dirty sex, insane fun times and high status came to….. nothing much at all.

If it helps you heal faster, what really damages them more is seeing you back to being the person they once so coveted.

Just a better, stronger, tougher version…Standing on a moral high ground.

By doing nothing, except recovering yourself, they will rage in furious despair. Might even pump prime a final meltdown. Not your problem

Karmic revenge. A dish best served cold… from a safe distance. By someone/something else, not you.

Break all ties. Go no contact. Let them unmask themselves. Their dark force will implode inwards on itself.

Please remember, nothing you did was really that wrong. You just made some poor choices is all.

Accept this. Learn from your mistakes. Enrich yourself.
_______________________________

Most generally, the mask comes off a narcissist or aggressor when there's no more need to keep it. Once they think they have you where they have always wanted you, manipulators have no more need for pretense.

But in my opinion or in my case please please please Do Not even Try to make them do anything. In other words even at the beginning of the relationship you begin to see the Red flags, Signs, rocket propellers, your natural instinct kicks in, you better walk the other way. Trust Me! You will save yourself the most agonizing, tortures, excruciating, painful belittling experience of a lifetime. In other words, save your soul.
_______________________________________

Tell them the word “No”. Their mask will fall pretty fast.

Give them a gift that's meant as an insult. Like if they think they’re the greatest gardener, a book titled “How to be good at gardening”.

Ask them a simple question like, “How are you?” and after they answer just reply with a “mmmm” Be calm and disinterested. They can’t stand being irrelevant even though they do it to you all the time. Let out a natural yawn while they talk about how great they are and a good stretch in the air too for bonus points.

Praise someone else when in their presence. Speak very highly about this person's talent and make sure it’s something that Narcy thinks they excel at. Trust me, they’ll find it incredibly difficult to keep their mask on.

Critique them. Like when they put down something you say reply with, “It’s ok Narcy, this is a difficult topic to understand” or tell them their soup is ALMOST as good how your grandma use to make it.

Tell them they look good….pause…today.

Ask them to repeat themselves. Say “I don’t understand you, what?”

Interrupt them.

You can look them straight in the eye and say “Narcy, you’re bat sh!t crazy and everyone knows it”.

Then, leave and never look back or contact again. Don’t be fooled thinking that everyone around Narcy are unaware of the fraud that they are. Anyone who’s around Narcy long enough knows they’re a nut job, just not to the same degree as you.

They are either the minions or ones who can’t be bothered and just believe it’s easier to keep the peace and accommodate Narcy's temper tantrums than confront them. The comment above will simmer and fester away at Narcy's dark soul because they think they’re so grande and nobody sees through them.

All of this was mainly meant to be funny. It’s ridiculous really. This is how ridiculous a relationship is with them. I don’t really recommend doing all this. As much as well all have wanted them to pay for the pain they’ve caused us, remember, it’s what they want. They want you to engage.

I recommend removing yourself from their grip and going no contact. Any energy you give them is fuel. Living your best life IS what rips the mask from them. Staying no contact starves them and most importantly saves you.

https://spiesliesnpdabusehealing.quora.com/How-to-unmask-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

"Deny what the narcissist seeks, and what he/she seeks
is the pleasure of your destruction".
Is the narcissist really trying to destroy you?
The Narcissist's True Motivation
It's Not What You Think

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jx9uHrCoEMI

@melissa_anastasia
5 years ago
They always need to win. Therefore they can never support you. There is no cooperation. Is this the type of  "partner" you want?