Author Topic: * The Coinez Humor thread ~ show us your funny side * (Read 32187 times)

*Yibida* · « **on:** October 21, 2009, 09:56:37 PM »

Having a light hearted moment? ~ As the thread title suggests <=> post your funniest what evers...{ No loose change }...

*smee* · « **Reply #1 on:** October 21, 2009, 09:59:54 PM »

Snipe ! - Yibs , I would post but as you are aware I am such a boring bas***d and dont have a sense of humour

Centuries · « **Reply #2 on:** October 21, 2009, 10:05:04 PM »

I cannot post yib. I am not a coinez:(

And I am unpolished

*Yibida* · « **Reply #3 on:** October 21, 2009, 10:07:19 PM »

How many coinerz does it take to change a light bulb?

None ! they have enough money to pay someone else to do it !....nyuk nyuk nyuk.... :coinspin: :rifle:

gr8-expectations · « **Reply #4 on:** October 21, 2009, 10:21:09 PM »

the coinez are not so active since this site started charging them $5.75 to change threads (countess:thread fee: $5.75 late this afternoon lol, they tend to stay on their own threads now....

*Yibida* · « **Reply #5 on:** October 22, 2009, 12:49:10 AM »

misha · « **Reply #6 on:** October 22, 2009, 01:01:34 AM »

It's often said about the coins and the history they have seen.. how many hands they have passed through.. all the stories attached. You see it said "If only they could talk to tell of the times".

Yeah well... if they could and had a Chinese accent you would know it was a fake.

$5.75 a thread ? Hmmmm ... do we get a bulk discount?
Could end up being heaps more than you expected.

Thats the funny thing.

misha · « **Reply #7 on:** October 22, 2009, 01:03:45 AM »

I'd love to stay and play but I have cookin to do.
Bit tired to think funny too.

I'll come back to check the fall out on that one later.

Centuries · « **Reply #8 on:** October 22, 2009, 01:32:28 AM »

misha · « **Reply #9 on:** October 22, 2009, 02:52:14 AM »

PMSL ... that is a good 1 cent

cueperkins · « **Reply #10 on:** October 22, 2009, 08:03:50 AM »

It's often said about the coins and the history they have seen.. how many hands they have passed through..

And how many of the owners of those hands actually washed them after going to the toilet....all those pennies eh?

Hear I sit Broken Hearted
Paid a Penny and Only Farted

What do you think Pennies were used for ????...hehehehehe

misha · « **Reply #11 on:** October 22, 2009, 10:54:48 AM »

Quote from: *Cupie* on October 22, 2009, 08:03:50 AM

It's often said about the coins and the history they have seen.. how many hands they have passed through..

And how many of the owners of those hands actually washed them after going to the toilet....all those pennies eh?

Oh yes ... money is a huge bio hazard. Coins and notes.
Always wash your hands after counting out a till !
You can actually feel and see the filth on your hands.

I always errr when a Butcher takes or returns change after handling raw meat.
Think about it. Sorry.. off topic.. NOT funny at all.

I've actually seen worse in Kalgoorlie when Bar staff known as 'skimpies' have picked G strings out of their bum cracks.. then handed you a drink in a glass and your change.
Thats kinda funny in an ironic way cos they are supposed to be attractive.
http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/hack/notes/s1601714.htm

I've put a fair bit of work into research finding a safe way to treat a form of copper corrosion easily triggered by two things often referred to by the same single term.

tellomon · « **Reply #12 on:** October 22, 2009, 11:00:05 AM »

Back in the 80's, the heyday of the huge cocaine usage era, large numbers of greenbacks contained trace amounts of the powdery substance.
But NO ONE ever went to jail for possession under color of the "Drug War".

Suck my balz.

Bazinga · « **Reply #13 on:** October 22, 2009, 11:07:10 AM »

I always errr when a Butcher takes or returns change after handling raw meat.
Think about it. Sorry.. off topic.. NOT funny at all.

Just think where some of that money the butcher has been handeling has been before he picks up your meat.

And must agree that handeling money is grotty, so I will do it for everyone.
Seriouly when handeling a large amount your hands get dirty, sticky and stink, money is gross

misha · « **Reply #14 on:** October 22, 2009, 11:15:06 AM »

Quote from: tellomon on October 22, 2009, 11:00:05 AM

Back in the 80's, the heyday of the huge cocaine usage era, large numbers of greenbacks contained trace amounts of the powdery substance.
But NO ONE ever went to jail for possession under color of the "Drug War".

Suck my balz.

Yep... thats why you lot should change over to the plastic type notes we have here.
So users can lick that off easier.

tellomon · « **Reply #15 on:** October 22, 2009, 11:16:47 AM »

mandurahmum · « **Reply #16 on:** October 22, 2009, 01:47:18 PM »

Quote from: misha on October 22, 2009, 11:15:06 AM

Quote from: tellomon on October 22, 2009, 11:00:05 AM
Back in the 80's, the heyday of the huge cocaine usage era, large numbers of greenbacks contained trace amounts of the powdery substance.
But NO ONE ever went to jail for possession under color of the "Drug War".

Suck my balz.

Yep... thats why you lot should change over to the plastic type notes we have here.
So users can lick that off easier.

Oi - I dont have many funny lines, so dont be pinching that one off me

misha · « **Reply #17 on:** October 22, 2009, 01:52:20 PM »

I was going to attribute that to you.

At least you have found one yanky that thinks it's funny.

See ya. Really gotta start cooking here. Getting late.

tellomon · « **Reply #18 on:** October 22, 2009, 05:09:28 PM »

Define: "yanky".

Poddy · « **Reply #19 on:** October 22, 2009, 05:27:20 PM »

Tello,

The term Yankee here is given to any resident of the Unites States, I know that that is not tha accepted thing in the US and i have got into hot water on a few occasions for calling an American a Yank

I have been to the Yankee areas of the US and there too they look on the term as demeaning

By the way we call a lot of American tourists 'septics', septic=septic tank which is rhyming slang for Yank

But you aint a Septic you have been redeemed by the metamorphosis that you are undergoing here

mandurahmum · « **Reply #20 on:** October 22, 2009, 05:34:38 PM »

Me too Poddy - I dont understand why some dont like being called a Yankee - its just slang. I know the term goes back to the Civil war - but gees time to move on. One of their baseball teams is the NY Yankees - so it cant be that offensive cant it

Poddy · « **Reply #21 on:** October 22, 2009, 06:15:48 PM »

It aint offensive but a lot of Yanks, unlike our Tello, are offended by the slightest things, I had some fun when I was over there to see how far I could push it before they showed their feelings (I did wear a bullet proof vest just in case though)

mandurahmum · « **Reply #22 on:** October 22, 2009, 06:48:34 PM »

Baptising an Irishman

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol,
whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus."
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a
little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus
me brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No,oi I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
"Are you sure dis is where he fell in?"

mandurahmum · « **Reply #23 on:** October 22, 2009, 06:49:32 PM »

One year, a husband decided to buy his
mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started..

mandurahmum · « **Reply #24 on:** October 22, 2009, 06:51:15 PM »

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to,' his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,

'I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied.

'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

mandurahmum · « **Reply #25 on:** October 22, 2009, 06:52:11 PM »

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a scale!

And that's how the fight started.....

mandurahmum · « **Reply #26 on:** October 22, 2009, 06:52:40 PM »

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

cueperkins · « **Reply #27 on:** October 22, 2009, 06:55:37 PM »

Define: "yanky".

Correct me if I'm wrong Tello...me grandmother was a Yankee.

IN America...Yankee is what Southerner's Called Northerners during the civil war..probably still the same today...so In the US...Yankee is gonna have a different meaning to here....they also have the New York Yankee's so if you're into baseball, (a different kind of civil war, called sports) and you're a yankee fan, then you might well be a northerner?

Here, Yank is used to refer to American's in General...a Confederate might take offense though who knows...is the civil war over yet Ron?

*smee* · « **Reply #28 on:** October 22, 2009, 07:32:35 PM »

yank = gdmfw

Bazinga · « **Reply #29 on:** October 22, 2009, 07:33:44 PM »

yank no differnt to being called an Aussie or a pom

Loved the wife jokes

*Yibida* · « **Reply #30 on:** October 22, 2009, 08:49:09 PM »

Time in Montello, Nevada
Current local time in Montello, Elko County, Nevada
Local time

02:48:45 AM, Thursday 22, October 2009 PDT 24 hours

retribution · « **Reply #31 on:** October 22, 2009, 09:00:06 PM »

Quote from: night-hawk-1 on October 22, 2009, 11:07:10 AM

I always errr when a Butcher takes or returns change after handling raw meat.
Think about it. Sorry.. off topic.. NOT funny at all.

Just think where some of that money the butcher has been handeling has been before he picks up your meat.

And must agree that handeling money is grotty, so I will do it for everyone.
Seriouly when handeling a large amount your hands get dirty, sticky and stink, money is gross

Your absolutely right.
Money is dirty, sticky, stinky and gross.

And I love it. LOL

I'd shower in it if I could.

regards
Retro

mandurahmum · « **Reply #32 on:** October 22, 2009, 09:15:15 PM »

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's how the fight started....

mandurahmum · « **Reply #33 on:** October 22, 2009, 09:15:47 PM »

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to make love?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's how the fight started....

mandurahmum · « **Reply #34 on:** October 22, 2009, 09:16:15 PM »

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please,' I said.
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
I replied, 'Nah, she can order for herself!'

And that's how the fight started.....

*CountessA* · « **Reply #35 on:** October 22, 2009, 09:28:49 PM »

The legend of Danaë ought to be a hot favourite for all these money-loving coinees. The very image of all of that lovely, lovely gold raining down on one must be well-nigh irresistible.

What a let-down to discover it was only Zeus being sneaky and randy...

misha · « **Reply #36 on:** October 22, 2009, 10:23:52 PM »

I haven't started a war have I ?

Hope not. The streets are awash with arms there and they got the Bomb !
Bit prone to invasion too.

Sorry tello if it had you beating the drums. True... didn't know you were sensitive like.
Maybe the 'ban for life' was like me... fighting back. Maybe not !

I backed off with the term 'sepo' that you usually hear all over Australia.
We have heaps in common anyway. We all grew up here watching American TV programs over and over and we even had a President deciding that we would get into a silly war for no good reason too.

Gotta say I'm not into Nationalism.
It's just the thing to cause trouble along with religion anywhere in the World and a bit silly really.
After all, did you chose your place of birth folks?

mandurahmum · « **Reply #37 on:** October 22, 2009, 10:39:57 PM »

Norman - post a joke - show them how funny you can be

mandurahmum · « **Reply #38 on:** October 22, 2009, 10:41:05 PM »

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted!

misha · « **Reply #39 on:** October 22, 2009, 10:57:50 PM »

I am so tired. Been at it since last posting at noon.... and in all that smoke you may have noticed today down South. Had white ash fallout all day and that weird red sun.
Fantastic sunset but tied to the kitchen. Security bars on the windows make it feel like prison.

Honestly... me no fun tired. Off for a grandpa nap.

mandurahmum · « **Reply #40 on:** October 22, 2009, 11:13:50 PM »

I could notice the smoke - there must be a fire out dwellingup way too.

magnificant sunset as usual - its so nice seeing the sun set over the ocean

*Yibida* · « **Reply #41 on:** October 22, 2009, 11:19:44 PM »

So how do you like the place so far Manda ?... is it what you guy's were expecting ?... kinda strange isn't it ? ~ you guy's needed a new home and we had a room to rent ~ LOLOL

mandurahmum · « **Reply #42 on:** October 22, 2009, 11:21:08 PM »

I have been here since May and have always loved reading the threads. I also like the people here - they have always been very friendly.

So I love the place - now pass me a beer please

*Yibida* · « **Reply #43 on:** October 22, 2009, 11:24:12 PM »

Quote from: mandurahmum on October 22, 2009, 11:21:08 PM

I have been here since May and have always loved reading the threads. I also like the people here - they have always been very friendly.

So I love the place - now pass me a beer please

.......

mandurahmum · « **Reply #44 on:** October 23, 2009, 12:17:49 AM »

Thats ok - I will bring my own

misha · « **Reply #45 on:** October 23, 2009, 12:43:39 AM »

I've got too much beer... and other types of poison.
Enough to kill >50 people in one night if they went stoopid... like they can try to do.
Sick of having to moderate others that can't do so for themselves.

See, still working and seriously non-funny. I better go.

Fire in the local hills here Jane... around Beela way I think. Close. Still thick in the air despite wind.
Pretty 'wild' looking 'control burn' started yesterday.

Night all.

*smee* · « **Reply #46 on:** October 23, 2009, 12:45:41 AM »

you can never have too much beer

misha · « **Reply #47 on:** October 23, 2009, 01:00:18 AM »

Quote from: Yibida - Batteries not included. on October 22, 2009, 11:19:44 PM

So how do you like the place so far Manda ?... is it what you guy's were expecting ?... kinda strange isn't it ? ~ you guy's needed a new home and we had a room to rent ~ LOLOL

Nice thanks. Most appreciated. Thank you.
Little things to learn... like why three icons under my avatar. Most have one or two.
Minor 'problems'.... don't ask now.
New language will be interesting to pick up. I'll learn that in time.
I'm determined to find out how to use the 'Insert Flash' function and change font one day.
How long have I been here?

'Rent' ?