Author Topic: The Tello Files. (All things strange, witnessed, verifyable and/or credible (?)  (Read 2525255 times)

tellomon

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No bleeding way, Mate!

Whose feds? There's more than one, except for the dead dictators (not a potatoe dish).

Get serious or die. (Bumper Sticker logic)
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*r3830*

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Whattha..... Bushman's Hanky.... What a crock - It's a straight out bushmans blow! Must be the Pommie version of Aussie Slang!!!

*wheels*

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Bushman's Hanky?

Eww! I thought that was something only cyclists did, almost as bad as relieving themselves as they ride along.
Not a good look when the TV camera zooms in and telecasts it around the world.  :ban:

*r3830*

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NOT altogether a good idea with a full face hat! ;D

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Bushmans hanky As in.....









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tellomon

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This just in (via email) from Montello:



A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without
water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling  through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last
breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand
several yards ahead of  him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks
to be an old briefcase....

He opens it and out pops a genie..  But this is no ordinary genie. She is
wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull
gray dress.

There's a  calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one
ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie.. 'You know how I work....You have three
wishes.'

'I'm not falling for this,' said the cowboy.. 'I'm  not going to trust a
FEMA genie..'

'What do you have to lose? You've  got no transportation, and it looks like
you're a goner anyway!'

The  cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is
right.

'OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful  oasis he has ever seen, and
he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish?'

'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold
coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.  Better make it a good one!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy  says.... 'I wish that no matter
where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'

*** POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

The moral  of the story:

If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.

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tellomon

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Here's some more Montello stuff on the internet:

Bomb Squad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQEvIgXEyws

http://www.topix.com/album/detail/montello-nv/90I3PC16PEPO9FPP


Both those links are from "Alpaca Boy":
http://www.montelloalpacacompany.blogspot.com/

Checkout the links at the bottom of his blog! Especially this one (a tad outdated, but you'll get the idea...):
http://www.untraveledroad.com/Tour/USA/Nevada/Elko/Montello?w=4W

He's located across the street from me. Nice guy, but some of his comments on this town are a bit terse. What can ya do?

Checkout my website for more Montello links:


http://www.rontello.com/index.html
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*FluffyDuckee*

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Yo Tello,

Just dropping in to say Hi!!!   ;D
:duckling:

tellomon

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That works for me!

Here's a song!


http://www.last.fm/music/Bo+Diddley/Signifying+Blues/Signifying+Blues

Click the player in the top right corner.

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tellomon

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tellomon

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Here's some more Montello stuff on the internet:

Bomb Squad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQEvIgXEyws

http://www.topix.com/album/detail/montello-nv/90I3PC16PEPO9FPP


Both those links are from "Alpaca Boy":
http://www.montelloalpacacompany.blogspot.com/

Checkout the links at the bottom of his blog! Especially this one (a tad outdated, but you'll get the idea...):
http://www.untraveledroad.com/Tour/USA/Nevada/Elko/Montello?w=4W

He's located across the street from me. Nice guy, but some of his comments on this town are a bit terse. What can ya do?

Checkout my website for more Montello links:


http://www.rontello.com/index.html


Update:

http://mastlefamily.blogspot.com/2009_01_01_archive.html

Note: This is where my avatar came from.
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tellomon

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How to Become a Dictator in 6 Easy Steps


1) Scare the people with false flag attacks, exaggerated threats of foreign and domestic enemies, etc.

2) Present yourself, the would-be dictator, as a strong leader who will protect the people. Specifically, have your political and media lackies set you up as the "Great Leader". You must then "reluctantly" agree to save the country, since you have been "called" by God and the people to do so

3) Have the lackies trumpet you, the Great Leader, and reinforce a constant state of fear and confusion in the people non-stop -- so that the people gradually transfer all of their allegiance to the Great Leader as the only one who can lead the protection efforts to save their backsides

4) Have your lackies viciously attack anyone who questions the Great Leader as undermining the effort to save their backsides, and as helping the "enemy" (if you haven't developed a scary enough myth about the "enemy", go back to step 1)

5) Then the people will become so brainwashed that they'll do the attacking for you of anyone who questions you, the Great Leader

6) Cover and let sit for 5 minutes, and serve with caviar and cabernet.

Oops, wrong recipe... here's number 6:

Rape and plunder your nation's wealth and that of the countries you decide to invade. Spread the wealth around liberally to reward your lackies who helped you get there -- who will include some large defense contractors, media companies, and other corporations, and throw some loot at others you need to bribe to maintain your power.

This method works in any country, in any culture, in any period of time.

http://georgewashington.blogspot.com/2006/05/how-to-become-dictator-in-6-easy-steps.html
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tellomon

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Clowns 'Too Scary' For Children's Wards In Hospitals

12:32am UK, Wednesday January 16, 2008
Clowns are too scary for kids in hospital and are not the best decoration for children's wards, according to new research.


A survey found that decorating wards with images of clowns was more likely to frighten young patients than cheer them up.

More than 250 children aged between four and 16 were asked for their opinions - and every single one said they disliked clowns as part of hospital decor.

Even some of the older children said they found clowns scary, Nursing Standard magazine reported.

The youngsters were questioned by the University of Sheffield for the Space To Care study aimed at improving hospital design for children.

"As adults we make assumptions about what works for children," said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university.

"We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them frightening and unknowable."

Children liked colourful spaces and references to contemporary culture, she said, adding that it is important that young people are consulted over the design or change of hospital environments.

Marjorie Gillies, a senior nurse at the Royal Hospital for Sick Children in Glasgow, said: "We found that having clowns and decorations everywhere is too much. We have gone back to plain walls with areas decorated appropriately."

The authors of the study have produced a guide on how to create child-friendly environments.


http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Sky-News-Archive/Article/20080641300836?f=rss
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tellomon

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tellomon

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Here's some regretable crap from my past.
I'm in this one.

Red shirt. Short hair. White hat. Next to the house.
Finding Waldo is easier.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30GT37LOTIo
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tellomon

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This threads getting so normal { read between the lines... lame.....}

tellomon

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More fun from meatloaf:

"Good-bye, Mom"

  A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease;
it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom', as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items..."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!


_____________________________________


Ducks in Heaven

Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day,
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
And along comes St. Peter,
Who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and,
Not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months
Without stepping on any ducks,
But
One day St.Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
Chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
But I stepped on a
Duck.


________________________________


Murder she wrote

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like
to buy some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'


The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'


The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I
can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
in bed with the pharmacist's wife.


The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription. '


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tellomon

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This one comes from a Luisa email:

An older lady gets pulled
                      over for speeding...
                     
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?       
                   
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
                     
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
                     
Officer: Can I see your license please?
                     
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
                     
Officer: Don't have one?
                   
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
                     
Officer: I see.....Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
                     
Older Woman: I can't do that.
                     
Officer: Why not?
                     
Older Woman: I stole this car.
                   
Officer: Stole it?
                     
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
                     
Officer: You what?
                     
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
                     
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the c ar. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
                   
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your car please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
 
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
                     
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
                   
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
                     
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
                   
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
                   
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
                     
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
                     
The officer is quite stunned.
                   
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
                     
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
                     
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
                     
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
                     
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
                     
          Don't Mess With Older Ladies         
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*FluffyDuckee*

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Hello Tello!!!
Sorry Tello, just making sure that I give you the same treatment as Bella lol

  :beatles: :leadguitar: :band: :band: :band: :band: :piano: :sing: :guitar: :drummer: :drum:
:duckling:

tellomon

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Sweet!
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*CountessA*

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Ducks in heaven - I laughed too hard and the cat thought I was laughing at HIM.
"No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is ...a part of the maine; ...any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde"

tellomon

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Tell meatloaf that. She gave it to me, remember?

And what's up with yer cat? Insecure about its felininity?
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*barny*

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Insecure about its felininity?

Now *I* find that very clever and witty

 :wine:
If you try to fail, and succeed, what have you done ??

*CountessA*

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My cat was predisposed to feel annoyed as he's on a diet. (A lady living a few doors away has taken to feeding him "breakfast"; no wonder he's been expanding. However much I tell her not to feed him because - actually - we DO feed our cat ourselves - she pays no attention.)

So Napoleon's got rather used to being over-fed lately. The "d" word (as in diet, not dog) means he's annoyed with me - and it's the last straw (he must think) when I laugh at him.
"No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is ...a part of the maine; ...any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde"

tellomon

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C):-{= <" stupid cat "<<
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tellomon

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Insecure about its felininity?

Now *I* find that very clever and witty

 :wine:


It's in the Tello Playbook of witicisms.

You can't make this stuff up.


I do!
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*Yibida*

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Time to get this disasterous second rate thread back on track..... we'll start with my drum heaven collection...the list is long but distinguished.... feel free to take what you want Tello ...I'll bill your paypal later dude.......




tellomon

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I can't top that, Yib!!!!

But I can add to it:





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Stand aside !...Drummer gang cummin through !..... { sneeky bump }


tellomon

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Knucklehead ALERT!

THAT'S a Mini Bike Gang (of 1)!!!!

Not a DRUM in the lot.


Try again!

(If I will ever get anymore pix from the locals who have them, I will certainly post them. So far, everybody is holding out.)

Yib: can ya swipe some Drums off my Website Gallery? Try it...I need the excess promo!
Something like these:








You "GO" man!
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tellomon

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We had more bizzarro weather yesterday!


Stupid flood
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*Yibida*

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We had more bizzarro weather yesterday!


Stupid flood


In the dezert?....

tellomon

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Best place for flash floods!

Heck, study up on the history of the Los Angeles River.

All of So.Cal was a desert once. We still are, at 4880 elevation, we get it all!
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tellomon

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Jus cos I'm the thread don't mean squat I can still trash this at the same time !.......LOLOLOL



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yyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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*Yibida*

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Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump Bump v v Bump Bump Bump Bump
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*Yibida*

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tellomon

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Jus cos I'm the thread don't mean squat I can still trash this at the same time !.......LOLOLOL

I suppose  the possibility of you squatting, and squeezing out yer own thread is out the question?



C):-{= <" posting zombies outside of the zombie thread. what a bonehead......"<<
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Two more man then thats it ....promise...trust me.....




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tellomon

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Two more man then thats it ....promise...trust me.....

It's better to burn-out, than fade away.
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You know me man..........LOLOL


tellomon

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You know me man..........

Not as well as the other kids do cuz I'm new around here.

Nothing on G00gle about you.
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Try most wanted.............

tellomon

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4600!!!!

Alert the Media!
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*r3830*

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Tello..... Found your Vampire Name
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Will Pope
Known in some parts of the world as:
Bacchus of Seducers
The Great Archives Record:
Beautiful and alluring - hiding great power, great danger.
The Vampire Name Generator. Get Names for Vampires.

*Yibida*

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4600!!!!

Alert the Media!




I can here the paparazzi creeping down the side of the thread already !!!