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61
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 11:01:37 AM »
They find another victim. They don’t reflect.
They haven’t changed, they just move on.
WHY THE NARCISSIST
WANTS TO DISRUPT
YOUR HEALING




@marieeakin8534
27 minutes ago
The narc never wants to lose the position of control or feeling they own you.
Disrupting your healing keeps their game going. You moving on is impossible in their twisted mind frame. You know better so continue your healing path....because you need you now!
Be Well
62
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 10:29:50 AM »


:smee!:                                                        :duckling:
63
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 10:17:11 AM »
What happens if
the narcissist’s New Supply is always agreeable?

This won’t change the narcissist’s behavior at all, but it will please them. Not for very long though. Narcissists have tremendous eternal boredom, so soon enough, they’d get sick and bored to death of the doormat you’ve become. This will likely bring a discard for you. With a narcissist, you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. They’re never pleased for long, and will never be satisfied or unbored.😱👀
____________________________________________

THE NARCISSIST WILL NARCISSIST.

Like they always do.

No one can stop the narcissist from narcissisting.

No matter the type of character they possess.

And no matter which behavior they choose to exhibit.

The narcissist WILL devalue every partner they'll ever be with.

And they WILL have the desire to fk the life of those who care about them.

Anyone.

And under any circumstances.

Devaluation is a manifestation of their disorder.

It's inescapable.

The narcissist devalues because they hate the thing/person they're devaluing.

They hate them because the disorder pushes them to look for a new host to extract supply from.

They have to hate them because the only other explanation for preferring to be with random strangers despite their partner bending over backwards for them, giving them everything they can and staying a caring and faithful Clown Slave, is the narcissist being fked in the head.

And that's just a possibility they're not willing to consider.

Therefore their Clown Slave has to be a crackhead from hell.

And, nartechnically, be the one who's pushing the narcissist away and deserves to be betrayed with the fury of hellfire.

Agreeable or not,

The narcissist doesn’t give 2 fks.

They have a need for supply to tend to.

No one cares how nice you are.
________________________________________

The Narc, all Narcs, run the same patterns over and over. It does not matter how the new supply behaves, they are disrespected and treated the same as you were.
________________________________________

Looks can be very deceiving! However, they look happy with their new supply, because they are happy. Just imagine trading your car in for a brand-new shiny car. You would be happy too. Their new supply is giving them the same exact validation that you gave them when you first met.

That happiness that you’re seeing is only temporary, just like it was during the idealization phase with you. Idealization is a form of infatuation which starts intense then as time passes by it will eventually decrease to devaluation and toxicity. They have a new victim who is believing every lie, deception, and manipulation which gives the narcissist new narcissistic supply.

This is actually a high for them, no different than an addict getting a new fresh hit on a drug.
Or a kid getting a new toy, initially they’re happy and excited, but eventually they get bored or lose interest, and the toy gets tossed away.
That scenario is the same for someone who has NPD narcissistic personality disorder.

The happiness that you see from your perspective is only a false reflection of what the narcissist is mirroring from their new supply (let that sink in). The new supply is super ecstatic very happy, and the narcissist copies-mirror his or her behavior.

The happiness that you see is a facade, a mask that they wear temporarily until they show their true colors to the new supply. They tend to use very skillful manipulation, superficial charm, false promises, and future faking to their new supply, as they did with you.

As the new supply smiles with gleam thinking that they have found the one; the narcissist is also internally smiling with gleam, because they have a new supply source to add to their collection. The more the merrier in their delusional mind.

Narcissists are not interested in a healthy life-term potential partnership with anyone. They want or need short-term potential victims or prey, not a healthy relationship. They want a constant flow of attention, validation, adoration, gratification, obedience, pleasure, and loyalty with no reciprocity in which the new supply will be met with that sooner or later.

They want someone who they can control, manipulate, mislead, use and abuse. The new supply makes them feel good about themselves, providing their ego a sweet steady stroke, and that is why the narcissist looks happy with a new supply.
__________________________________

Related:
What happens when you are no longer the narcissist’s supply?

What happens when you're no longer feeding Narcy?

A lot of things will happen, such as:

1. Narcy will hate you with a vengeance.

The fog you've been in will lift…slowly but steadily until it's completely gone.

The good memories you had of Narcy will be hit with the functional reality of what they were…LIES.

You'll get angry. And get over it.

You'll become determined. And get to work.

You'll get down to business of rebuilding you and your life.

You'll learn to gracefully tango away from attempted hoovers while delivering devastating blows of narcissistic injury to ward off future hoover attempts.

You'll heal…mentally, physically, spiritually, financially, and emotionally.

You'll let go of your anger and resentment, but will never change your opinion of Narcy (he simply won't matter anymore).

You'll hold boundaries more firmly than Kilimanjaro. You will tolerate no one who attempts to cross them.

You'll set goals and achieve them.

You'll learn to smile again, laugh again, and love again.

You'll learn to love yourself, respect yourself and walk with grace and dignity.

You'll work on fixing things about you that you don't like.

You'll accept your share of responsibility.

You'll open up sexually and love with sheer reckless abandon, while still maintaining healthy boundaries and your independence.

You'll have your life back…but better than it ever was before.

You'll help other victims thru the murky waters of recovery.

If you've found yourself no longer as Narcy’s supply, count your lucky stars and the graces of God for the freedom and new lease you've been given on life, and then make the most of it!

You're free from hell….the hell of abuse. Don't ever go back to it.


64
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 09:28:25 AM »
Why should we forgive
the narcissist?
:deadhorse:    :drama:   :troll2:

To forgive is NOT condoning what that person did to you and you are not condoning that person's behavior.

What you are doing when you forgive it to let go of and to release all the bitterness, anger, hate, and feelings of vengeance against that person. Remember...the only person you are hurting is yourself by not forgiving.

Do you think that person cares how you feel?
No.

Do you think your unforgiveness is hurting that other person?
No.

I know it is very difficult to forgive but when you continue to dwell on that person and what he/she did to you, you are giving that person all your power and control. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK and start loving yourself! That's what forgiveness is all about.

My husband's ex exhibits all the characteristics of a covert narcissist. Although he has always been a positive and optimistic person it was his Christian faith that helped him overcome 30 years of narcissistic abuse. If you can't afford therapy and you don't have a Church or Christian friends you can lean on, find a NPD support group in your area or via a website group. They can provide the support you need.

You will overcome.
I know you will.
________________________________________

No.
And I do not think it is necessary.
Acceptance, yes.
Forgiveness, no.

First, the only thing in this ordeal I am responsible for is being too forgiving. I always forgave his poor behavior and abuse. I forgave his cruelty when I did not understand where it was coming from. I forgave all the pain he caused me in our relationship when we were still together.

I think healing from this type of abuse is when you STOP forgiving someone who hurts you. You say “NO MORE, you are NOT forgiven this time, you are a bad person and I am done with you.” You accept, heal and move on.

There is no need to forgive a person who does not see any wrongdoing and furthermore manipulates you trying to lay all blame at your feet. This is not a person seeking repentance and feels no remorse, therefore not deserving of your forgiveness. Even more so, they do not care to be forgiven so why should you beat yourself up thinking that is requisite for you to heal yourself?
Why should you take this burden?

Forgiveness is between them and God.
It is not my job to forgive a person who hurt me.
__________________________________

HELL NO!

Why?
Because they know exactly what they did to you.

Just to let reality slip into your mind for a moment let me refresh the part of your memory that needs to be refreshed.

And I’m not talking about the fantasy person you fell in love with, that was not real…

The person that you saw in front of you gaslighting you, hitting you, cheating on you, lying to you, yelling at you, scaring you, abusing you mentally, psychologically and emotionally.

That is WHO THEY ARE

That is the person you were in a relationship with.
That is the reality.

You do not have to forgive someone who actually hates you, despises the ground you walk on and never loved you.

Not now, not then, not EVER!!!

65
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 08:48:54 AM »
What are the signs that
a narcissist is miserable?

Narcissists are miserable in so many ways:

When the narcissist is especially miserable, he or she will be moody and contemptuous, which can lead to narcissistic rages.

When the narcissist is miserable, he or she will snap at you for minor things, sometimes becoming full-on sessions of emotional terrorism.

When the narcissist is miserable, he or she will refuse to do any chores in the household.

When the narcissist is miserable, he or she will be passive-aggressive and nitpick you to death.

The narcissist will make you aware of his or her misery by pouting or moping around publicly.

The narcissists will show you that he or she is miserable by throwing tantrums when you reasonably ask him or her to do anything they don't want to do.

The narcissist is miserable when he or she launches into tirades or rants about something or somebody he or she doesn't like.

The narcissist is miserable when he or she is outdone in absolutely anything.

Narcissists are miserable almost constantly. They live in a world of misery, and as we know, misery loves company, so they think, "Why don't we inflict someone to somebody else?"

But the truth is that no amount of suffering they make you feel will alleviate the misery that they go through in their mind.

They feel, "I'll just inflict maximum suffering on others and my misery will go away."

Wrong.

Narcissists have zero self-awareness into their own suffering, and they repress it because they want to appear superior. When they feel too stressed out by their internal whirl of suffering, they inflict pain on you.

Narcissists will show their misery outwardly rather than inwardly, so be prepared for a lot of games where they take their anger out on you. They want total dominance, both over their own feelings of misery and over you.
_______________________________________

Narcissists are miserable because a lot of human happiness comes from the happiness of others.

The same part of your brain responsible for empathy, the Left Anterior Insula Cortex, is also responsibility for feelings of well being.

The truth is that as individuals we don't have a huge amount of success. There are downtimes, setbacks, long dark nights of the soul, and some hard won victories.

Being able to share in the lives of others, to laugh with them at troubles we can relate to, console them in hard times, celebrate their achievements gives us access to so much extra happiness.

Relating to others helps to ease the pain of loneliness, and sharing offers us opportunities for the joy of understanding and being understood.

Happiness lost to us if we must always be better than everyone.

66
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 08:19:27 AM »
The scary thing is how many of these people are existing among us.
The Most Dangerous Kind of Narcissist




@aliasno.4andover644
2 years ago
Narcissist are Vampires
Psychopaths are Werewolves


@marijkevandermeer2772
4 years ago
Their behaviour is not human...


@whygohome172
3 years ago
Can't fix them! CAN'T love them into wellness....they hate you!!!


@frugalfrugal1307
4 years ago
Sam Vaknin described it as if they had been body-snatched. There is nothing of the original person/narc left behind. They have been entirely consumed by evil and all that has been left behind is the demon in the meat suit who is toying with his unsuspecting victims for his own recreation and entertainment.
67
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 08:07:21 AM »
The #1 Trick For Bringing
A Narcissist To Justice

Narcissists fight DIRTY.

In battle with a narcissist, whilst trying to get resolution, sanity or even a scrap of decency, it may seem like all you get is MORE traumatisation.

Narcissists can feel IMPOSSIBLE to defeat.

But … this isn’t the case.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to hand you the REAL way to bring a narcissist to justice.

68
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 07:41:33 AM »
Have you ever tried to
sue a narcissist?


I'm currently embroiled in a legal battle with my narc sister.

Keep a diary. Document EVERYTHING.

Record every telephone call if you can.

Screenshot or download each and every SMS. I'm using an iPhone and have the device set to purge after 1 year and using a special app that lets me download and keep SMS conversations.

Save all emails.

Force conversations to email or SMS if at all possible.

Since my dispute involves the estate of a deceased parent, I hired a lawyer.

Never say or do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a judge.

Difficult but not impossible. The key is to have good documentation and organize things so the court sees through the lies.

Before talking with a lawyer make sure you have a clear and logical diary of events. Make sure you include as much evidence as you can on your position as well as documentation on any abuse the narc dishes out.

For example as part of my deposition I included an email series where I ask my sister about an event and she responds telling me it didn't happen. (Even though I have evidence to show said event DID happen). My lawyer also understands that my sister's tactic is largely to deny deny deny. (And we have some interesting evidence lined up when it comes time for questioning)

Your lawyer need to see YOU as reasonable and the other party as unreasonable.

Seek out Rebeca Zung on YouTube. Her SLAY program on dealing with narcs in court is well worth the money.

Be persistent. Narcs are emotionally week and you WILL persevere if you're persistent

Do some research ahead of time on your case. Google is your friend. I was able to find case law that supports my position.

Feel free to PM me or respond to this comment. I keep track of responses.

Edit: What happened? My lawyer made an application to the court, it was challenged and we're now in the discovery process. Questioning happens next month. We have the upper hand but she's resisting.
69
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 07:27:08 AM »
Has anyone ever sued their
narcissist and won?

I don’t think Narcissists are as difficult to deal with in court as they are in home. Just prepare for a DUMB but RUTHLESS stupid evil idiot. You can easily win, if prepared. I don’t mean simply winning over them, I mean DESTROYING THEM.

They are so careless and irresponsible that they probably already gave you tons of ammunition.
_____________________________________

I did. Successfully.

It was a LOT of money, and a whole lot of gaslighting/heartache, but I nailed him. Seized his only asset, his estranged wives home, but did it.

Nailed him.

Exposed him totally. He knows now, not to mess with me, so has slithered off, silently, to new supply. (Who will quickly nail him too). I feel I owned my narc, exposed him and shamed him, as he so deserved. It was a tough, and expensive road. He is now living in a camper in someone's field, feeling the shame he deserves.

He did NOT destroy me, and is cowering about that now. He LOST the war. Profoundly. What a battle it was though!!! He tried to relentlessly destroy me, and failed. It has been a horrific experience. Huge toll on me, but I won! Exposed him epically! Has been tremendously difficult, but nailed him.

Narcissists are NOT smart. You simply understand what you are dealing with, and gather evidence. I easily accessed his emails, because he was so omnipotent, and had no clue. It sunk him! “these are my passwords. I have nothing to hide". Those same passwords accessed other email accounts he had hidden. Busted! LOL! Resulted in me successfully suing him. What a horrible journey though!
______________________________________

It's not easy because narcs use a tactic called smear campaigns which ruin the victims reputation resulting in isolation.

Being a survivor who won ….you have to play mental chess with them I did this and it as draining and almost made me insane.

But somehow I studied him ….I stopped reacting. I silently played the fool.

Used his own strategic tactics on him.

Recruited my circle of trusted people which were mostly doctors counselors and detectives.

I made a paper trail of my mental health my drug free life and exploited the crap out of that maniac .

Yes it is possible.
___________________________________

Tough question as I can imagine it is born out of being on the end of this horriffic abuse .

There’s a lot of talk about money in the answers but I don’t believe money is a motivation for a victim . Neither is control . Justice and exposure of the abuse is what I find is a common theme . A victim wants some kind of justice.

Here’s what a victim of narcissistic abuse will be thinking . ‘If I sue then everyone will find out what's going on then all the people who didn’t believe me will realise what happened. He will lose his precious image , I will overthrow him and bring him to his knees and he will have nowhere to hide. I will force him to face himself . Everyone will know what I went through , because right now you still ARE reeling from what u went through , you should be , it was vile .

You hate him and all the people who only believe abuse if they can see it. You are let down by friends and family , enablers .You may be on the end of a smear campaign , you are probably depressed and isolated . Is it any wonder the thought of dragging HIM through Hell is more than inviting ?

The wounds of this kind of abuse hurt so much because they are invisible . Somehow this makes the suffering all the more heavier to bare. It exhausting explaining it to people who may not even care or understand , it’s traumatic talking about it just to tell someone what’s been going on. At least with cuts and bruises you don’t have to speak or explain . This is a violation of the heart and soul.

What is the payment for that ? What victims want is to be believed and to expose the abuse.

The issue is , if he hasn’t already started to claim to be the victim then this is when he will and boy will he do just that. YES, you have the truth on your side but guess what , when a narcissist is involved it gets all the more distorted . We are not discussing a rational person, we are talking about a highly disordered person who has spent their entire adult life getting very well versed in manipulation , projection and lies .

They will start an episode of behaviour so dark that you will truly see what it’s like to go to war with a narcissist . What I mean is if you think you know them now, you will truly know them if u take them to court . Their life depends on people believing their spin , if that is under threat they will go to any length to destroy you and your reputation .

They will manipulate everyone they can near and far , people they know you don’t get on with, any medical condition you may suffer from , they will go after your children , your house , your family , your job , and your emotional state . They will break you down with such flabbergasting attempts at lies , smears and untruths that you will reach peak madness. It will be a continuation of the abuse. I must press this point .

You would also realistically have to decide whether this was going to be a civil or criminal case. Many narcissists operate in the very grey area between the two. There is SO much evidence you will have to produce . This alone can re traumatise you having to look through photos , emails , txts , social media etc…

You will have to recount every thing that was said and done to abuse you and document your decreasing mental state and back that up with witnesses and evidence . Will these witnesses testify in court ? Many people care but they just don’t want to get involved .

As I said a narcissist is an expert at playing the victim . On paper and in person.

The rage you feel may seem to be able to counteract any malicious behaviour from the narcissist but that is a high level of constant stress. I’m talking that ball of anxiety and fear you had every day X 10 . Every thought will be taken up with this , every conversation .

I can understand that you’ve tried the ‘being happy without him is the best revenge’ but the thoughts of suing can be overwhelming . You don’t imagine anyone would fail to believe you faced with your evidence but court is a cold hard unforgiving place . Only solid evidence will be taken into account . Only you know if that solid evidence is there and you’ll only know that by talking to a solicitor .

Talking costs a lot when solicitors are involved . Every call , every email , every letter , all of it is on the clock .realistically I would put by at least 50k if you are seriously thinking about it . If that kind of money is not available then perhaps really rethink it. You could go to a no win no fee law firm, but there also costs there and really do u want the best or some freebee ? You need the best representation if you are going to put yourself through this hell. You want people experienced in these cases .

You need someone who truly understands NPD and can explain this in court to people who may never have heard of it . Ultimately it’s the judge who will decide but the jury are the strangers who will determine their verdict . That is hard to accept . Strangers will be assessing if they believe you or your abuser . This alone is tormenting .

Make a list of the things you want to gain by going to court . Be completely honest . Make a list of risks. Again be honest . Now compare the two .

Understand the law on coercive control and mental abuse in your country . Look up similar cases which ended in prosecution. I know that in the UK the law was passed on coercive control about 2 years ago and only one man has since been convicted . The maximum sentence is 5 years .

Let’s say your ideal outcome happens . Let’s say he’s sent down for 2 years . (That would be a serious conviction ) Two years pass. It comes close to the day of his release . You are now in utter fear and dread that he will be coming after you . You know he can’t but can you imagine what this would have done to a narcissist . He would have been carving your name on the wall every single day.

Court cannot be taken lightly . It’s a serious affair made even more serious when a narcissist is involved . It feels righteous to want to do it after emotional and psychological abuse but there is so so much to consider .

If you are still in recovery it’s an absolute no no . It could possibly send you into a breakdown . This is how narcissists operate . I can tell you that for sure . I would recommend waiting a year from ending a relationship with a person like this before contemplating anything .

You MUST put your own healing first . Then and only then can you look at it more objectively . The ruminating thoughts that trouble you will fade eventually . Great people will come into your life . Give it time . Give yourself time . Be kind to yourself.

I don’t believe in karma so I won’t leave some crass comment like ‘he’ll get his’ BUT one of the downfalls of the narcissist is that their arrogance makes them think they are untouchable . They will at some point abuse the wrong person , lose their grip on their perfect image , or run out of people to gaslight and fool. Probably all three. Most decent people see it eventually and steer well clear . Most people always felt there was something up with this person but couldn’t put their finger on it.

Rest assured you will never have to live with the level of paranoia and self hatred they live with every day of their lives and yes I hate to say it but you healing without them and becoming your true self once more will put them in an absolute rage . Boohoo ! Your success will literally drive them mad. Remember that.

Sorry this was really quite long . I hope it helps .


70
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on June 14, 2024, 07:13:58 AM »
Do narcissists really ever suffer for what they do to their victims or do they just get away with it?

NPD types are constantly suffering. They have to overcome their regular morning depressive state by abusing other people, and/or consuming drugs and/or alcohol in a vain effort to self medicate the effects of their lack of essential brain parts away. They have to figure out their emotional responses and practice them in the mirror, and try to devise lose/lose situations for other people so they can feel, if not superior, then alive.

They have to fume and cook up revenge plots for people who took half a second too long to smile at them, or worse gave them friendly constructive criticism. They have to consider a lifetime of regrets and then lay them at the feet of innocent people. None of this sounds like flourishing nor thriving. Happiness to them is fleeting and usually involves some kind of abuse, whether of themselves or others.

In terms of justice, they do seem to get away with their horrific abuse. I don't hear of any getting thrown down disused wells with a case of six hand grenades without their pins or even a good ol’ fashioned hanging. I read supposedly that in France they can be incarcerated for up to five years, and under their legal system it is guilty until proven not guilty with the onus on the accused to prove their innocence.

I will say this: when they've demolished your life and you're sitting around in the dark wondering why you're not sleeping, eating and have panic attacks when you leave your house, and they're off having a wild time going to sex parties with the first guy who came along, you feel like there is no justice in this world.

Ultimately they suffer, and that is good enough for me. They just don't have the brain parts to even fully comprehend what they have done to you, so punishment with an eye to rehabilitation is not going to happen. Punishment focusing on corporeal punishment seems to be the best thing to hope for, but sadly is out of fashion.

It isn't that they won't face up to their horrific behaviour, merely they can't as they lack the full set of brain parts. You'd be better off expecting a cat to become an astrophysicist than expecting a narc to admit to themselves even how they are. Their whole existence is geared against this ever happening!

It is enough that they suffer full stop.

Look, people who have been through their evil nonsense must drop this idea of getting “justice”. Yeah, yeah, I know, it is… unjust… but it will consume you, absolutely consume you. It is a form of abuse nigh impossible to prove to the judiciary, who often enough have trouble even comprehending this personality disorder, coupled with the fact that the NPD is an accomplished, practiced grandmaster liar and they can call on their flying monkeys to back them up…

The whole criminal justice procedure would just traumatise you even more! What helped me is: they suffer. Even if you never waste another half second of your life on these creatures, they suffer. When you wake up in the morning to deal with the flattened fried crap they turned your life into, and slowly start to get somewhere dealing with it and can feel happy again, even for a minute at a time… they suffer.

It seems like they get away with it, but in the end when they've lost their youth and can't attract new victims and implode into a vicious pile of pus ridden garbage, that's justice. They are their own punishment, and they can never escape.

Their inescapable suffering is your justice!
_____________________________________

This is an interesting question. Do narcissists really ever suffer for what they do to their victims or do they just get away with it?

If you look at it from a normal human beings point of view, then yes they suffer. Any normal human being that loves someone and values someone doesn't really hurt that loved one for kicks and giggles. And if they lose that loved one, they have regrets.

However, for a narc, they can't face the consequences so they are constantly in denial. They'll never admit there is a problem. It's really all about their fragile ego and they will go to whatever lengths necessary to protect it. Whereas a normal person would work within a social, ethical, and legal framework, these guys are hell bent to ignore these boundaries. Which is what makes them so dangerous.

To answer your question, yes, narcissists do really suffer for what they do to their victims but because they are narcs they will never admit it, and deceive their own selves into believing that they actually got away.

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