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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 05:56:56 PM »
Does a narcissist want to have
a relationship to look normal?

Narcissists are lonely and desperate for approval. But, too insecure to accept others as they are. Basically, just big toddlers copying others and hoping to be noticed. My Dad is one. He wants to be no trouble, but also be cared for without lifting a finger. He won't ask for things directly, but passively. Hates vulnerability, but confused why he can't connect. Unfortunately, it's a disease that's hard to eliminate from your DNA. They want to be normal, but they don't know what that actually means.
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Covert Narcissists are preoccupied with appearing normal, yes. So a marriage, house, kids, job, all help. Because behind the mask of normality, they are deeply anxious, insecure, bitter, jealous and resentful.

These type narcs NEED admiration, respect & a sort of fan club. So appearing perfect while having both family and work life, gives them the fan club smokescreen that soothes their fear of not being good enough, toxic snobbery, and desperation to be seen & admired.

They won't love or fancy their partner. They secretly wish to win the lottery. They are exhausted by being nice all the time. But they know the alternative is pure disappointment and shame from all the people they've impressed their whole lives.
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Mine did for 21yrs! Image was everything for him! That's why after the discard the smear campaign works…outsiders would never believe that he would lie! This is all part of the game they play. Stay strong! No Contact, Love yourself more.
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Heck YES! My crazy X narc loved to look normal with me and my young adult daughter. Like we were the perfect family and I made him PAY by always taking us to extremely expensive private restaurants, vacations and clubs.

Here’s the kicker with my crazy X: I literally saved his life: and he could NOT manipulate me and it drove him crazy because he was never so frightened in his life and I brought him back so guess what in the end he blocked me because I would just emasculate the heck out of him and he just was such a jerk. Even today we have each other blocked lol!

https://www.quora.com/Does-a-narcissist-want-to-have-a-relationship-to-look-normal
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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 05:06:31 PM »
:lurklaser:
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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 05:00:26 PM »



                                                         :knightromance:
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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 04:52:32 PM »
What did my narcissist
really feel about me?

When you read what NPDS write they tell you they are not attached to us. Some times they can switch empathy on & off with us. Depends on the NPD. Usually the way some one treats you is the way they feel about you.

When it comes down to it. They used us. They abused us. There were good times. There were bad times. The bad times start out-weighing the good. Then there's usually just bad. It's hard to say don't take your partner seriously. That is however the best thing to do.

It's realizing your partner was not in a relationship with you. They are disordered. We were there to learn a valuable lesson. I believe that. Just like the NPD needs to get help. We need that for ourselves as well. That's the best outcome. Regardless what they did feel. Or they didn't feel.

No one wants to be used and abused. No one wants to be treated like a toy/object/trash/dirt. NPD free.
____________________________________-

The narcissist doesn't feel about you, they feel through you.

The narcissist wants you to open your Rage Vault, they want you to pour out your fury on them. Negative emotions they can work with, your achievements they cannot.

It's very tempting to unleash upon them, but if you're angry, they don't need to be. They project their hatred into you, you express it for them without them having to suffer the caustic sting of bile.

Let them hate you.

The best way to do this is to redirect their aggression; rather than giving it back with interest, repay them in kind — make them angry. Hurt the narcissist's feelings;

Make the narcissist envious.
____________________________________________

By the way he or she behaves.

Actions speak louder than words, they say, and it’s true.

Are you given silence when you ask a question? Are your words ignored? Are their answers dismissive? Do you have a feeling you are being lied to? Do they disappear on you when you agree to speak or meet up? Are they being ambiguous so much that you experience confusion?

It’s not that complicated. When your communication becomes weird like that, it’s not hard to see the truth.

You are not respected and valued. You are a nuisance. You are not important enough to make an honest effort to communicate in a normal fashion. You’ve been “turned off” for the time being, saved for a rainy day.

What do they think of you? They don’t. Or, not much.

Analyze the actions.
_____________________________________

Related
Does a narcissist ever really like you?

From my experience, no. They loathe you. It's irrelevant that they idealized you in the beginning. It's the same with each partner, from the hidden ones in their phone, to the highest ranking ones.

When they say things like the following screenshot…Believe them. He would try to convince me all the horrific words weren't real, that he actually loved me. “You're the best I ever had" (which I would bet he said to everyone else before me) Months after this text, he cried about his love for me. I didn't believe him.

I believed him when he said he liked to Manipulate the moment.

Believe the horrific words. Not the ones that speak of love or even like.

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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 04:11:43 PM »
How do you drive a narcissist
crazy and flip the script?

You refuse to let them destroy you.

Narcissists aim to bring others down to hide their own failures. If they can't succeed, they don't want anyone else to either.

They targeted you because they saw you as an easy target. You had strengths that made them feel small, but also weaknesses they could exploit.

They attacked by pretending to love you (though it's more like fake hate). They only go after people they truly dislike. The fake love is just a trick to get close and hurt you.

Their "supply" is just a way to control you.

Thinking narcissists can love is wrong - they lack empathy, so there's no real love.

Narcissists only feel hate.

During their fake love phase, they learned about you to create a false image they thought you'd like.

Once you fell for it, they tore down everything you cared about - your relationships, hobbies, career, everything.

Their goal was to destroy you, but by refusing to be broken, you beat them. You grew stronger from the experience, turning their attack into your strength. This drives them mad, reminding them of their own flaws.

They wish they could disappear, but they can't. They'll live in misery until the end.
______________________________

Reclaim yourself, the person that made them crave you and the person you long to be again. Narcissists attack your frame of mind. They are a distraction from your life’s journey. But they are are not part of your journey. Only the reality check is.

Reality check

You always had the power. You were fine before they showed up, and you can be better when they're gone.

They needed you. Just as they now need others. Needing others to feel good about one’s self is weakness.

You never needed them. You liked a version of them that is long gone. But you always knew who you are. No matter how hard they blame shifted, lied about, and attacked your frame of mind, you knew it wasn't true.

They hated someone who is not you. Use this to reject the memory of their manipulations. Reclaim your truth as THE truth.

Knowing who you are, having an unwavering sense of self, is powerful. Living out good values is strength.

You always had the power because you knew who you were through it all. You passed the test. You are proven now. They pretend to be strong while hiding behind lies, victimhood, and dodging accountability. Cowards.

Disgust.

In your pain is incredible wisdom. Turn your anger, regret, or disappointment into disgust of the things they did. Focus on that disgust, listen to it. Latent in your disgust are your core values. It hurts because you would never treat another human that way. Rather than getting upset, use these feelings to find absolute certainty about who you are, what you value, and how you will live the rest of your life. You now know what you will not do to others and why.

Make lemonade.
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Don't take actions with the intent of driving them crazy. Then I'm just behaving the same as the narcissistic person, usually because I felt this is all she would understand. In doing so, I give control to her over my actions. Best thing to do is work on you and your goals, not to hurt the narcissistic person but instead thinking of how much you care for yourself!!!! Don't give them space in your head.
_______________________________________

Proving their insane lies seems to make my ex rage.

I won't speak to him on the phone and once I start the screenshots of all the shite I know he did, his voice texting gets all flocked up. I remember him telling me “I'm literally screaming at the phone!”. Lol

Psycho.

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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 03:22:32 PM »
Can prayer cure a narcissist?

LOOK,

For some reason, God wants narcissists around.

He made them insufferable and incurable.

Nothing can cure a narcissist.

No medication, no therapy, no shaming, no prayer.

That's how they're intended to be.

Just incurable and not to be fraternized with.

Don't ask me why.

God works in mysterious ways.

And the useless existence of narcissists, is one of those mysteries.

God doesn't want you to waste your life away.

God doesn't want you to be with a narcissist.

But don’t they deserve to be loved, you ask?

No they don't.

Just take nuns for example.

No one is trying to be their partner.

Some people aren't meant to have a partner, according to God.

And Narcissists belong to that group of people.

It's just that nuns chose to live that life, expressing their conviction with words and actions.

And narcissists chose to live that life, expressing their conviction only with actions.

So anyway,

No.

The answer is no.

What's meant to be, is meant to be.

Take your ass tf to sleep.
___________________________________

Crucifixion may help.

It’s religious.

https://getoverthenarcissist.quora.com/Can-prayer-cure-a-narcissist
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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 12:50:39 PM »
Send in the Clowns!

One will do for now...
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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 12:47:42 PM »
How are narcissists created?
What makes a narc a narc?

Some studies have shown that most narcissistic personalities are present from birth. Different people are born with different psyche and different characters. Some are more relaxed and tolerant, while others are more complicated, problematic, and cold.

From day one, a narcissist already has certain tendencies and inclinations towards specific, dysfunctional, and abnormal behaviours - he is programmed this way. The narcissist is configured to have a need for control, to have a demanding attitude, and to believe that he deserves everything there is .

It’s genes. It’s genetic, it’s in his DNA.

In some people, it is passed down from generation to generation and is clearly visible for several generations, also among siblings. These traits and character were passed on to the narcissist by his parents, but they can also be shaped by the way he was raised, by his surroundings, family, environment and the way he was treated. A narcissist may have experienced unimaginable and traumatic things in his childhood, which has resulted in his development being stunted and impaired.

These may include various types of neglect, physical, mental and emotional abuse, lack of acceptance, lack of love. The parent could demand more and criticize until the child finally realized that this was how it had to be.

Perhaps the child was not given as much attention as he should have been, was left alone, as a result of which child acquired very low expectations and learned not to worry about anything or anyone.

The child may also have been taught that superficial and shallow things are important. A narcissist may have been taught in his youth that money, success, or appearance were qualities that would make him accepted.

Maybe he was given an example of rich people who lie to get what they want, such role models could be wealthy, beautiful, seemingly perfect people. It was here that the narcissist formulated his hopes and ambitions and where he was heading.

A narcissist may be a narcissist because he was treated erratically and inconsistently by his parents, perhaps the parent used sporadic reinforcement, perhaps the parent suffered from the same or a different disorder. There is often a family history of other mental disorders or illnesses. Sometimes the parent was interested in the narcissist, but then he was cold and distant, so the narcissist learned that he could not trust and could not rely on anyone, then he became a narcissist, he became selfish, everything had to focus only on him.

The narcissist has learned that people do not help each other, he has learned that everyone must take care of themselves, because the lack of consistency has made the narcissist insecure, fragile and weak. This led to the belief that he needed to be in control to make sure everything went his way.

To a large extent, a narcissist’s behavior is acquired and learned behavior. A narcissist was never taught how to behave, how to behave in a conflict situation, he was never taught how to solve difficult problems, he was never taught responsibility, he was never taught how to deal with his problems, he was never taught how to reconcile and do not escalate the conflict.

Many narcissistic people are not interested in it at all, so you may get the impression that they never talk about it. A narcissist doesn’t want to be honest and open, he doesn’t want to be sensitive, because that would mean that someone could hurt him, it would mean weakness, and the narcissist cannot afford that.

A narcissist chooses manipulation, he may have learned the art of manipulation from various sources, from movies, books, parents and the environment. Pay attention to what interests the narcissist the most, what he spends the most time on... on the phone, however, it’s more about what he watches, what he reads, what topics interest him, what he spends his time on, this can give you many answers.

The narcissist acts this way because he believes that life is a game that must be played to win, which is exactly what the narcissist thinks. He learned that if you manipulate people and coerce them, shape them like plasticine, that means you are winning, which is why he is a narcissist. There’s a reason he is. You may want him to be different, you may want him to understand, but there’s really nothing you can do about it.

There’s nothing you can do about it, you can’t change a narcissist because these traits and characteristics are programmed from day one. This is not something you can change, only a narcissist can, but you must understand that it is a choice. The narcissist does not want to change anything, there is no such initiative on his part. This happens because the narcissist perceives manipulation as something that gives him advantage, control and power, and in this way he wins, he is in a better situation - this is what he was taught and this is what he learned himself.

The only thing you can do is be aware of this and manage your expectations better, then you can focus on your own development and improving your life, because you cannot count on a narcissist and if you rely on him, you will only be disappointed and let down.

Let the narcissist be an example of what you don’t want to be.

Let the narcissist be an example of what you don’t want to become.
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NPDs are created by childhood experience and trauma. When a parent or caregiver fails them, by teaching them that the parent or caregiver can't be trusted for their emotional needs when going thru the stages of life. When they are pushed aside when they need reassurance, ignored when they need comfort, when who they are is taught that will never be good enough. When it is reinforced that who and what they are is not enough, when they are told they repeatesly can't because of who they are. When their likes aren't what the parent/caregiver want them to do.

I was told I was too tall, and not pretty enough to be a cheerleader everytime I tried out no matter how much I practiced.
When my mother never came to my horseback riding shows because it wasn't her thing.
When she never came to my swim meets because I never won my heats.
Never came to a band competition or a parade I was in.
Insisted I do things I didn't want to and had no intrest in, because all little Jewish girls did that.
When I was told that because I was adopted I wasn't her class of people.
When she let me believe my father left because I wasn't good enough.
When I got dragged to 3 different therapists because I had “mental" problems.
When she hated my friends for being losers.
When I was a tomboy and never wore dresses I was punished.
Was told I didn't appreciate her because I never wore the clothes she bought for me that were not my style and didn't like because she went clothes shopping for me.
My childhood could have easily made me into an NPD but I had my dad and he made sure I knew I WAS enough, and smart and could do anything I set my mind to.
____________________________________

One can say genetically there is a predisposition that a narcissist can be created if one of the parents and other family members was a narcissist or dealt with some other mental illness, but foremost it's what a child sees/experiences/learns in his own skin, in his own family as how people around him interact with each other, all reflected upon the child is what creates a monster out of him for a lifetime!

His parents neglected/abused/tortured/spoiled him when he was just a little baby creature (put on a pedestal, put down, a scapegoat, a golden child, never good enough, never learned to accept NO as an answer, never learned to trust and commit to anyone physically and emotionally), etc…

All of such profiles of children develop narcissism as a defense mechanism and way of behaviour as they couldn't trust their parents out of them mistreating them (frankly what I wrote in the last paragraph is abuse) so they see their way of moving in the world, on their own, selfish and arrogant, never growing up!

They also have cognitive dissonance, which means that out of 3 cognitions (reflexive, emotional and emphatical) they lack in the third cognitive department: emphatical.

Eg. A child sees mummy smiling, a child smiles back to her = a reflexive cognition (a child reflects back on itself mummy's behaviour)

A child sees mummy crying, the child is aware that mummy is hurt and sad = emotional cognition (a child is aware of mummy's pain)

But in the third department (emphatical) they are lacking as they simply do not have empathy which means they cannot feel mummy's pain nor help her and comfort her with compassion and understanding.

Out of not having empathy and no sense of Love all problems with a narcissist rise to a level of inner madness: he is driven by deadly sin feelings (greed, envy, jealousy, laziness, hate, etc…) merely imitating other people's positive traits (hapiness, compassion, understanding), not having it in the inside-not for himself nor for others so that is why he projects on others feelings of deadly sins.

A narcissist is a state of absence with a empty schizoid core, a cult of death that is, created, never to be changed.
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Certainly a combination of genetic factors with traumas and upbringing.

My mind tries to wipe out the memories of my first years but some things I can remember.

I was born and grow up in a very tense familiar environment, my parents fought a lot. They had their differences but they also had two things in common: the temperament and the stuborness.

I'll not go to much in details about that stuff, but they end up divorcing. Of course, that couldn't do me very well…actually it was by this time (4-12 years of age) that I believe that my narcissistic personality started to develop.

The transition of my childhood to the adolescence was not much better. During this time I endured some of the most shaming situations of my life, most of them in home. I remember times that I spent hours crying in bed, without knowing exactly the why. I felt inadequate, weak, powerless, numb.

As the times were passing, I started to be a more “imaginative” kid. I would imagine people admiring me, being attracted to me, fighting for me. I would imagine me having the power to read people's minds. I become more entangled in the act of seeing myself in mirrors. This mental process would alleviate the shame and numbness.

Of course, I was very insecure and implausible. At that time I become fascinated with people that, in my vision, were popular. Sometimes I asked them how they managed to be like that. “How can they be so confident?”, I kept asking myself.

I started to study seduction and body language in order to develop a posture that inspired appealing. I also started to be obsessive about gathering culture of all kinds. Music, novels, movies, history, psychology. Some of these become entertainments that I preserve even nowadays, like the video-games.

When I was in my 14–16 years, I was still very introverted but at times I learned how to speak my mind properly and learned to have a kind attitude. But for the people that started to be more close to me, I had a posing and distrustful attitude. Hearing them said that always made me unsettling. But I would always rewrite the story to make me look like the right one.

In my 18 years, I had my first serious relationship. It was hell. I was unable to see how much of a selfish and controlling individual I had become. I had an imaginary set up in my mind, let's say that I imagined people dancing in this mental scenario. If the person didn't dance the way that I had idealized, I thought that I had the right to punish her.

When I gaslighted her and devalued her, it felt right. Nowadays, when I think about how much of a lunatic I was, I feel shame but not remorse. Very strange.

This first relationship ended, and others came, and I was getting worse. More vindictive, more resentful, less empathic at each day. I also become a very cynical person. Only I was right, only I had suffered, only I, I, I, I, I…

One day a very narcissistic guy, but also a very conscious person, said that he found me to be very histrionic. And I didn't know what the hell was that supposed to mean, so I devalued him and cut contact with him.

Even though my grandiose thoughts were at their peak, that shame and numbness that I talked at the beginning were still there. I still felt like that shamed kid even though I was an adult.

In addition to all of this, at that point of my life I already had a lot of enemies, a large history of failed relationships and jobs that didn't go well…

So I started to do some research about that histrionic thing. When I read the traits of Histrionic PD, I saw some things that made sense to me. But at the same time, I never had a strong need to be the center of attention like histrionic persons have. It was just the opposite; I always was very introverted and anxious about overtly showing myself. And the histrionics want attention, even if the attention is bad. That's not my case.

Borderline PD made sense because of my mood swings. But I never had suicidal ideations or had a great necessity for someone to look after me. Or even was that impulsive.

Antisocial PD was too aggressive and pervasive for me. For countless times I was petty and selfish but I never robbed anyone, never severely injured anyone, never suffered from substance abuse, never had a record, etc.

When I read the traits of Narcissist PD, my world fell. It was like I was reading how I felt my whole life. The grandiosity, the fantasies, the lack of empathy, the arrogance, the envy…it all made sense.

My realization didn't last very long… but this all I have for this answer.
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The narcissist is searching for continuous confirmation of their own existence and value. They are stuck in a developmental stage, their behavior make us smile when they are 2 years old, but it is a behavior unbearable in an adult. The reason why it is stuck varies, it has to do a lot with the upbringing and caregiver emotional health.

They are disappointing partners in any relationship, they feel entitled as lovers, friends, bosses, or classmates. They could be charming like an engaging toddler and misled people into a connection that is unbalanced by definition. They are extremely needy and demand the attention they didn’t get when they could use it and develop in a healthy adult. It requires serious therapeutic work to change a narcissist. Compassion is of the essence because they actually suffer and find a palliative in their aberrant human interactions.
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Picture two children playing on a beach:

One child works hard to make a sandcastle. They gain praise for it from people walking by. The other child didn’t want to put in the boring effort of making a castle. Instead they have been busy looking at other people on the beach all this time, and noticing how inferior they are. When they hear the strangers praising their sibling, the second child is surprised, hurt and most of all is jealous of the attention the sandcastle is getting, and the praise the creative child receives.

Consumed with envious rage, the second child destroys the sandcastle, which has narcissistically injured them by upstaging them. The first child is deeply upset, they go to their parents with their claim. The parents are narcissistic. They don’t like this creative child, who threatens to upstage them too. They make excuses for the destructive child, much to the first child’s distress.

The destroyer, our narcissist, learns that the easiest and safest way to get attention is to pick on people who are the victims of their abuse.
______________________________________

Alright, sit tight, because we're about to unwrap the delightful mystery box labeled "Narcissism."

Narcissists aren’t manufactured in a shady factory hidden in the depths of a mountain. Their creation is a fancy cocktail of various factors. Genetics might toss in a splash of predisposition, while early childhood environment pours in a generous dose of influences. If a child is excessively pampered or excessively criticized, it can lead to narcissistic traits. It's like overcooking or undercooking your food—either way, it's not palatable.

Now, toss in society's current obsession with selfie culture, and sprinkle in some good ol' validation-seeking from social media. Boom! You’ve got yourself a breeding ground for narcissistic tendencies.

But here's the gem: not everyone who takes a selfie or needs validation is a narcissist. True narcissism is deeper, marked by a lack of empathy, a need for admiration, and a tendency to exaggerate one's own importance.

Narcissism isn't just loving the reflection in the mirror; it's expecting the mirror to love you back. And if it doesn’t? Clearly, the mirror's broken, right? Understand the recipe, and you'll spot the dish from a mile away.


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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 09:16:29 AM »
:tello: "Real People, REAL Problems. A facebook post..."

Expose Corruption, Civil Rights Violations, Judges, Cps


Teresa Alison
10m  ·
The worst situation is knowing exactly how the corruption works after working in the system. When we have mentally ill pedophiles, addicts & abusive lawyers & social workers in your family - we know what's going on, they destroy our credibility with fake accusations, literally murder our parents & children.
We cry out for help watching ourselves being eaten alive.

Crickets ...

Don't just go after one sadistic social worker nor lawyer liar leech. They are all in on it. They know how it works and either cash in, or turn a blind eye. It's female abusers doing the dirty work. Unelected officials making decisions beyond their pay grade.

Start with the mental health of those in the system. I used to be a director of Psych Halfway House - the social workers and lawyers involved were mentally ill, not the clients.  It's a for profit system - like 90% of UNICEF funds going to corrupt government bureaucrats - using 10% to barely keep a population alive so they can continue to collect the funding.
 
My sister steals children for a living. She went berserk on fertility meds trying to conceive. Tried to kill her ex husband so he couldn't leave her.  Now she carries out her illness taking away your babies & training Massachusetts lawyers to do the same. They can literally reach over state borders to steal children.

The other sister is a pedophile working in Maine Social Services. She'll get your child drunk and have her way with them. She's been doing it for over 50 years. Has a record of buying alcohol for minors- caught on camera. Instead of prosecuting, they gave her a job in social services doing case management for disabled children. They pay to abuse children & create more victims.

If a parent complains? They take away the child.
 
When working for Child Development Services in Maine screening children 0-5 for developmental delays, we were instructed to automatically open case files for all children in Head Start who had divorced or single moms raising kids on their own. Anyone with a boyfriend, adult male family around we left alone, even when there were clear signs of bruises and physical abuse.

My boss called women raising children on their own "The path if least resistance" our job was to open case files to get federal funding or take them down if they resist.   
All we do is point calling her a drug addict that beats her kids- and that becomes her reputation for the rest of her life.  Can't get a job wiping noses at a daycare or nursing home with those types of charges in your life.
 
It's literally murder of a human life.

We become reluctant whistleblowers just trying to protect ourselves.
White female parents of multiracial families become the whipping post for society...

And the rest of the country drinks the Kool Aid.
 
We don't protect ex-legal secretaries and social workers who refuse to go along with the corruption.
 
Then, on paper, they mysteriously become drug addicts that beat children.
Calling it "Women & Children" issues get boys to run the other way.
It starts with your local school board selling out our children to get a new staff lounge & raise school taxes to get more funding to corrupt teachers union - who are also paid to steal our children.

Since when did we allow social workers into our public schools? They're paid to find and create problems - their jobs depend on it.
 
We tried warning the world 30+ years ago. The government is coming for your kids.
The new HIPPA laws are actually assisted suicide.  They're literally killing our children. Now lawyers are going to cash in on the corruption?
 
Don't listen to ex lawyers, legal secretaries, nor social workers who gave up their job security to stand up against corruption - we tried to protect your children.
 
You didn't protect us.


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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 07:29:14 AM »
:crazy:
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