11
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 01, 2024, 04:00:23 AM »What is something a narcissist
won't see coming?
won't see coming?
I think there are three essential things that a narcissist won’t see coming but that can help you so incredibly. Whether they’re narcissistic or just selfish or passive aggressive people, it applies equally I’d say.
1-No more anger: Narcissistic and passive aggressive people tend to thrive on your anger, so STOP giving it to them. Passive aggressive people actually WANT you to get angry because it’s a displacement of their own anger. So do yourself a favor and stop taking the bait.
I put a little paper up on my mirror that says “don’t take the bait” and it’s a GOOD reminder. Life is filled with little things and big things alike to make you angry, to get you to react, to make you lose it. Don’t let the baiters win, don’t give them what they need and want because it only hurts you. It hurts you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So #1 is NO MORE ANGER.
2-Forgiveness: I think deep down a narcissist or passive aggressive knows they’re not treating you well, despite the level of denial and delusion, and since they also tend to thrive on your anger, the last thing they expect and perhaps care to have, is your forgiveness.
But here’s the thing, when you forgive them it just sets YOU free, makes YOU more whole, and brings YOU health. For them, they don’t expect it, and they might not care to have it for a long long time, but it matters, and they’ll never expect it.
3-Healthy Boundaries: When you’ve found the answers to less anger and forgiveness, this one comes naturally. And one thing a narcissist or passive aggressive will never expect (and will never like) is you establishing healthy boundaries. When you learn to deal with your anger and you learn to forgive you inherently grow as a person and you start to realize your fundamental value, and when you understand your value you realize that you don’t need to allow people to treat you horribly.
You establish basic healthy boundaries, and this takes all of a narcissist’s power away if you can keep those boundaries up. It’s not about building walls to shut out the world or other people, it’s just about recognizing that there’s a line you will no longer allow people to cross in their treatment of you. It also doesn’t require aggression or a mean spirited nature on your part, but simply a calm resolve to protect your sanity, physical health, spirituality, and so on.
I saw when I started taking control of these things in my life, it took control away from the narcissistic and passive aggressive people. It put them on confusing ground while I grew to understand more about myself that I really needed to know.
I think sometimes we deal with these people so long that we get into the mindset that they’re the problems in our lives, but would those problems exist if we didn’t have our own problems which allowed us time and again to accept their horrible behavior? The only one I can change is me, so I might as well give up the ghost of changing him or her, getting revenge on them, making some big poignant statement or point, because those things really don’t work. What works is helping myself, caring about myself, and THAT will always shock a narcissist, because they expect you to always and only care about them.
________________________________________
They are brilliant strategists and so whenever their victims discover their evil games, this is not something that they will take lightly.
I think that they are highly intuitive and so when their victim suddenly becomes indifferent, they will realize that the game is over.
And they have to face failure……….. their strategy failed.
May all victims of narcissism face the truth and stop trying to excuse abusive behavior. Abuse gets worse and never better.
_______________________________________
Their host/target catching on to their lies and initiating effective counter measures against them. For a narcissist it’s all about control. Narcissists see themselves as mentally superior to their target, but in truth they rely heavily on their target’s response.
My ex wife would take my patient and understanding nature as a weakness, push boundaries,and take liberties. I caught on to this and stopped telling her things.she had to resort to spying on me and eavesdrop on my phone conversations. Knowing this, I used more profanity when referring to her, knowing she was listening. She was pissed but couldn’t say anything without revealing how she got her info.
I got a storage room and another apartment without her knowledge, and moved much of my property out with her unawares. She had some idea something was going on and tried to say the spirit of God told her something was wrong. I revealed nothing as she told me she was insecure and didn’t want us to break up. She said she realized that she took me for granted. I said nothing.
She tried guilt, fake tears, stories of impending doom “our marriage is on life support”. It didn’t matter. I was done. I packed up the rest of my stuff while she sat in the room staring at the wall wondering why she couldn’t trick me and had no idea where I worked or where I was going. Her best efforts failed. She had nothing left.