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31
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 08:31:54 AM »
How dangerous is
a malignant narcissist?

Deadly dangerous.

Seriously, they have no problem ending your life and will if they can get away with it. The malignant narcissist is a psychopath and capable of cold murder.

If you are in a relationship with one, your life is in danger. I know from personal experience. Mine tried to end my life, twice.

And I still spent months ruminating!

Oh yes, they are dangerous. Survivors (if you survive) find their lives destroyed. Nobody walks away with their health, career, friends, and family intact. You crawl away broken, beaten, spent, and scarred. Isolated and broke. Sick. You are in therapy.

Listen well, a malignant narcissist will destroy you. Yes, they will kill you. They don't feel remorse. I've read the stories of these psychopaths. Your life is in danger, usually in a cowardly and indirect way including poison, arson, “accidents", etc.

You don't read some of these stories, because the victim is dead. Let that sink in.

“My narcissist killed me and got away with it” is not a Quora post. Why?

Because dead people don't post on Quora.

It's critical to realize that fact. On here you only read about the survivors. I've read of narcissists drugging their victims and setting their houses on fire. Just think of the double insurance from the house AND the life insurance policy! Loosening the lug nuts on your tires. Never hike with a narcissist around cliffs. They will shove you to your death, and who would know differently?

These sick people are cold and calculating and will end you without remorse. There are no statistics kept, but trust me, it absolutely does happen.

I suffered a sudden aortic dissection (worse than a heart attack) and as I called out for an ambulance, she looked at her phone on the end table…and looked away. Crossed her arms and settled in to watch me die.

Murderer.

No evidence. Crocodile tears, insurance money, new boyfriend, jackpot. These stories don't get reported. Falls, drownings, car crashes, “random" shooting, car jack “slipping"…you get the idea.

My daughter by chance stopped by the house and called an ambulance or I would not be telling you this story. The murderous narcissist would be just another poor widow who tragically lost her husband in a sudden cardiac event. Poor her.

Yes, they are deadly dangerous. Malignant narcissists are now classified as psychopaths by the psychiatric community and for good reason.

I barely escaped. You don't hear the stories of the ones who didn't.

Because they are dead.

Dangerous enough for you? Run for your life while you still can.

A moment of silence now, for those victims who did not escape.

Their stories are not told.
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Malignant Narcissists are very dangerous. Malignant Narcissists can be very destructive and abusive, because they seek to dominate others, and enjoy the damage they inflict on their victims.

Interactions with them are likely to be extremely unhealthy, dangerous, and harmful. Their (Jekyll & Hyde) is beyond comprehensible, and these energy vampires are always on the edge. They are a slight existence away from their half siblings the psychopaths.

Most psychologists concluded that the malignant type is the personification of evil.

Malignant narcissists are considered to be associated with sadism, a sadist. They get pleasure from seeing pain in others and by finding joy or amusement in creating chaos, and confusion. Malignant narcissists tend to display some of the worst traits of NPD, and they often have severe dysfunction in their personal relationships.

Experts consider the malignant narcissist to be the most toxic, dangerous, and traumatic of all NPD subtypes. They have a tendency for destruction and will stop at nothing to pursue their own self-interests even if it means traumatically hurting someone. Which explains their lack of empathy that allows them to hurt others, and not feel anything at all.

Malignant Narcissists are extremely dangerous, cold-hearted, and the epitome of evil. Unfortunately, there's no road map to completely understand these troubled souls. They habitually live and exists by hurting and taking advantage of others physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, or financially, without an ounce of remorse or accountability. Dangerous is an understatement, evil fits the description best! They should be placed on the world’s most dangerous people list!


32
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 08:12:14 AM »
Do narcissists ever lose anything?

Well I must say… a narcissist is the one who loses everything in their life. They are so cursed that they can't even value what they are gifted with. Great friends, huge money, a dream life, great partner, everything they just lose because of not valuing them; because  of being so self centered.

I feel pity on them, but they are doomed to have this destiny to rotate in a circle of getting more and more. They are never satisfied with anything that God has given them.

I think God intentionally gives them everything in their life, whatever they manifest they achieve, so that one day… they fall from the peak of success so bad, that they can't even stand again.

A life of a narcissist is a living hell.
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YES, Heavens YES! They lost THE single most important thing any human being can possibly ever lose. They lost their soul and that’s not metaphor!

It’s not some religious dogma or airy fairy bullshit. They literally have ZERO sense of self. Their world is as if they’re trapped inside of a mirror, everything is backwards, nothing makes sense. It’s literally like their human soul was ripped out of their body and replaced with a vindictive reflection, the nightmare being from the far side of the mirror. Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass; The Twilight Zone.

For them, these are VERY real places, and the real world is the fairy land. Every time they’re alone it’s like a black hole is swallowing them and they RUN so far and so fast yet it’s always faster and they’re just so tired. The ONLY way to get a momentary reprieve is when they’re around other people.

They seem selfish but they have no self at all. They seem confident but all they have is The Void. Everything they have and are..... is a lie. Everything they have they will destroy from jealousy because the other person can have real emotions, real happiness. You have NO idea what a precious thing they lost and they can never recover it.
_______________________________________

Yes they do and if you are lucky you will even find out, or God might let you watch. See, there is nothing that a narcissist fears more than being alone, or worse, growing old.

Yes the love bombing, the lies and all that will drastically catch up to them when that clock starts to tick they will eventually be too old for anything that actually fueled their narcissism. So if you think they don’t have their share of loss, grief and pain... think again.

If you ever took a good look at any narc and thought to yourself "Can they truly be happy?" They stay with that narcissistic behavior and not once they noticed they lost a good relationship over those exaggerated tendencies of cheating and ruining their past relationships; oh think again!

They can’t feel a thing.

That’s exactly how the end will reach out to them, except reality will still be reality. They will miss the person that was in their life and not with emotions, just all the things the person did for them. They might not be able to express themselves since they lack emotions yet nothing goes unpunished.

Call it Destiny or Karma. Call it whatever you want. Yeah, that will catch up to them.

33
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 07:40:10 AM »
Is it common for a
narcissist to act immature?

Ron Culley
Well…YEAH!
Its common knowledge. Everybody knows.

We read Quora!
____________________________________

Yes, narcissistic people can, and often are emotionally immature. Some people have compared them to the Eternal Youth Archetype which Jung wrote about, or Peter Pan, The Prince or Princess, The Golden Boy, etc. Freud’s mom, by the way, called him “ My Golden Ziggy,” oy.

Narcissism is an early developmental stage for human beings, when the infant and young child thinks the world revolves around them, like the earth revolving around the sun. That’s normal, healthy for the child to expect this.

When the response to this normal need is frustrated or ignored the consequence is to be traumatized and fixated at this place, with subsequent development halted. The self may be then filled with holes like a piece of swiss cheese. The individual still maintains the craving for a good fill of what wasn’t supplied, and this is the case seen in pathological narcissism, when the infant-child was habitually insulted within the mirroring pole of the Self.

We all know what it is like to be with someone “who acts just like a child, “ whose personality seems child like. This is often associated with narcissistic wounding in childhood, and the adult continues to look for narcissistic supplies from others, sometimes even their own children, without ever really feeling they are getting a satiated, and coupled with a hyper sensitivity to insults (narcissistic wounding)

The result is an adult who acts easily hurt, has difficulty with reciprocal responsibilities, not having empathy and being able to see things from the other’s point of view, and an overall fragile sense of Self that is either overblown and realistic, or demoralized and deadened.

From their subjective experience, when others don’t meet their demands, they conclude the lack of responsiveness is evidence of their unworthiness, not being good enough to secure what they still hunger for and need (i.e., interest, attention, affective mirroring, concern and love).

Yes, narcissism and immaturity are kissin’ cousins.
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Absolutely! It’s been said they are emotionally between the ages of 3 to 6.

In my experience (Covert Narc) he would throw tantrums, or pout and sulk like a child if he didn’t get his way. At the time I didn’t know about narcissism and knew he was a spoiled kid that was put on a pedestal (an oops baby born into a wealthy family with much older brothers and sisters to add to the little King scenario) and just thought he was so used to getting his way that he had to learn patience and fairness as an adult. While he aged, it never got better, and it’s SO hard to deal with.

It’s no longer cute and funny when a middle aged man says inappropriate comments to people in public, slams doors, or throws fits (and cell phones, glasses, etc.) because they want what they want and when THEY want it.

The best you can hope for is a teenager mentality with fun actions like just hanging up on you when you have a disagreement, and then not answering for hours or even days.

Or when they know they’ve been drinking all day and are drunk but don’t think the rules apply to them. You beg them not to drive and take their keys, but they have a hidden set and take off. Like a teenager they think they are invincible and don’t care about consequences or who they could hurt or kill.

They love phrases like “If you haven’t grown up by 50 - You don’t have to!” Ugh. I’m sure he used that line at 30, 40, and will at 60 and 70 or however long the universe is stuck with him.

It’s exhausting. Get out and stay away from these snakes!
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If a person has narcissistic personality disorder, they are, by definition, immature in many ways, especially psychologically and emotionally. That they will act immaturely is inevitable.

Immaturity is built into the original definition of “borderline,” which, at first, wasn’t limited to what is now known as “borderline personality disorder,” but encompassed a range between what one now here’s as “neurotypical,” and “psychotic” (having a psychosis causing severe difficulties to perceive reality sufficiently well to function in society). “Borderline” meant “I’m between,” hence not psychotic, able to function in society, but not normal (or “neurotypical”) either.

This “in between” range included the following area:

Fragmented sense of self
Skewed perception of reality
Immature defense mechanisms
Those with narcissistic personality disorder fall in this range, and “immature defense mechanisms” is one of the characteristics.

Narcissistic personality disorder is an arrested development caused by early childhood trauma in the above mentioned areas, and involving problems with

Splitting (people are “all good” or “all bad”)
Lack of object constancy
Inability to repair shame

These result in the symptoms of:

Exaggerated sense of entitlement
Lack of empathy
Exploitative behavior

All of these are immature. The little child thinks everything revolves around them, and can you imagine a three year old saying,”Why don’t you take a break Mommy? Taking care of me must be exhausting! You don’t need to take care of my needs right now. I’ll just wait a bit.”

A narcissist is like a three year old. They can’t wait. Their needs need to be taken care of right now. RIGHT NOW.

Your needs can wait, because they’re not important. There are as important to the narcissist as Mommy’s needs are to the three year old.

The list is endless in ways narcissists are immature.

Here are some examples:

A narcissist will brag about themselves. Most children learn this is socially unacceptable, and don’t brag, but a narcissist will go on and on.

In addition to learning not to brag, children learn not to talk about themselves all the time, but to bring others into the conversation. This is a trait older children learn if they’re well socializes, but certainly by the time one is a teenager one learns to listen to others, but narcissists have never learned to listen, because they don’t care about others, both of which is immature (both not listening and not caring).

Not only are narcissists immature by their bragging about themselves, by the things they brag about is also immature. They want to be admired for the shiny toys they have, not for their character.

As mentioned above, the defense mechanisms of narcissists are immature. The following are common:

Denial
Distortion
Rewriting history
Projection
Blame shifting
Gaslighting
Self justification
Word salad

Here are a couple of examples:
You bring to the narcissist’s attention something you don’t like. They respond,”Oh no! That wasn’t my intention. You misunderstood me!”

or

“So you’re saying X” where X has nothing to do with anything you said.

What you won’t hear is,”Oh, I see your point. That was unthoughtful of me.”

Narcissists get upset at the smallest things. For example, there a trash can which needs to be dumped in the garage can ten feet away. Rather than emptying the trash themselves, they throw a hissy fit.

Anyone who has lived with a narcissist could give a hundred examples like this.

The mindset of a narcissist is “It’s all about me.” (aka “Look at me! Aren’t I cute?”)

To summarize: Narcissists are immature to their core, because they’re thinking, never developed past a certain point, beyond that of a three year old. In certain areas (non emotional and non psychological) narcissists are like adults, but in the emotional and psychological realm, they’re extremely immature, which makes them extraordinarily difficult to understand, because you don’t expect adults to act like three year olds.

34
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 07:18:10 AM »
:jandoor:
35
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 07:05:13 AM »
How do narcissists treat
their friends? Why would
some people believe the narcissist?

The word “narcissist” is thrown around very loosely, and can include a very wide number of people, who are all very different. All of those people treat their friends differently.

When we speak about narcissistic personality disorder it means meeting specific criteria in the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental health (DSM). This still encompasses a wide range of people who manifest a wide range of characteristics.

Fundamental to the mental health narcissistic adaptation is deep feelings of very low self-worth which are compensated by efforts to bolster their sense of self through external validation. This can present itself in many different ways, such as excessive bragging, acting like they are better than others, efforts to get others to see how incredible they are, etc. Ultimately, they need to be admired.

In some cases this can be over the top arrogance, and in others it can be very nuanced, and look like humility.

Because people who have adapted this way come in such wide variety of styles, it’s not always obvious.

I would say that people, in general, are often persuaded by what appears to be self-confidence. Even when this self-confidence is completely baseless, when a person walks about telling everyone they are great, or the smartest, or most creative, etc, a good percentage of people will believe them.

I find that the converse is true, as well. People who are very insecure, but have adapted a method of overt self-deprecation, as opposed to narcissistic adaptations, often convince others that they are “less than”. They might, in fact, have all kinds of desirable qualities, but their lack of confidence influences those around them.

Think about your personal experiences with others. Let’s say a visit with a medical doctor. A doctor who exudes confidence is likely to inspire confidence, whereas a doctor who acts uncertain might scare a patient off. The confidential doctor might be completely incompetent, while the uncertain doctor might be brilliant, but it’s likely you will be influenced by what they project.

People who exude confidence are generally seen as more charismatic and attractive, and overall more persuasive. It’s no accident that many of these individuals go into politics or other arenas that will put them in the spotlight.

People are drawn to what seems like certainty, and often prefer binary explanations, such as “right or wrong” or “good or bad”, rather than more complex nuanced explanations. If someone continually says, in one way or another, “I’m great”, people often believe it. It often goes along with, “They’re terrible”, as it helps inflate the individual making the claims, by making the unfavorable comparison. “I’m right, they’re wrong”, “I’m good, they’re bad”, “I’m smart, they’re dumb”, “I’m rich, they’re poor”, “I’m honest, they’re lying”, etc.

People often like simple answers, and if someone very confidently sells you one, there’s a good chance a high percentage of people will believe them, especially if they are not particularly confident or well informed. This is why critical thinking is such an important trait for everyone to develop. The world is a dangerous place without it.
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In my experience, narcissists don’t really have friends, they have acquaintances that are much more similar to ‘flying monkeys’ than anything closer.

Narcissists treat all human beings as pawns’ to be sacrificed if the narcissistic demands are not met. Those who associate with narcissists in their inner circle or often ‘unaware’ individuals who are easily manipulated. They tend to have lower self esteem and need external validation. The narcissist has identified this vulnerability and manipulated them into “friendship”.

These individuals are unaware of the tactical manipulation and always believe what’s been said.

In some cases I’ve witnessed “friends” of the narcissist who seem aware, but are intimidated and afraid of being victimised due to witnessing the consequences first hand. These individuals are in a very precarious position as they understand if they stop agreement with the narcissist or the narcissist realises they are aware they will become the new target of abuse.

The best advice i can give, is to learn the red flags and as soon as you spot a narcissist keep your distance, but don’t upset them. Just move on quickly and quietly!
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In my experience, there are a handful of “lifelong friends” who stick around even while the narcissist's more intimate relationships are constantly exploding around them. The reason this is possible is that the ties are superficial in nature, requiring no real responsibility/duty to upkeep and very little chance of the narcissist being rejected. They may text or talk with these friends regularly, but actual time spent with them will be rare — and often during the discard of a romantic partner or someone else in the narcissist's inner-circle.

It's very easy to glean a constant baseline supply from these friends, because the narcissist has succeeded in painting a picture their false-selves which their friends have no need to question. The charming facade has been upkept over the years, so it must be true. And since they require zero work to keep alive, it's easy to maintain these satellite friendships. The narcissist will even refer to these longterm strangers as “close friends”.

Think of these friends like the pegs in a pinball machine. When the narcissist is at odds with a romantic partner or another main supply, they either run away or get flicked away (just like a pinball). The narcissist must maintain their supply somehow — survival depends on it! — so they will bounce off their Friend Pegs until their confidence is boosted. They use the superficial friendships to convince themselves that they are good (*obviously*, look how many friends love me and are on my side!) and the enemy (you) is bad.

But again: it's all superficial. They may talk about sports, video games, “the old days”, etc., but that's about as deep as conversation ever gets. It's just enough to satisfying the starving narcissist without ever giving themselves away and losing their Safety Network.

36
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 06:50:21 AM »
Can a narcissist become really dangerous?
How dangerous?

My stock answer to this is as follows.

Yes.

Assume very dangerous.

These are deeply maladaptive beings. We have no idea how maladaptive as we never really knew these people and what they were really up to when not with us. Anyone who thinks they know a narc is deluding themselves.

Experts say, on repeat, that the most dangerous time for a victim is when they are trying to leave. Especially if you are high quality supply / have significant ties with the narc such as children. Narcs are unpredictable and volatile and it is good that you treat them as such. They really are not well people.

I also think that the period after leaving can be problematic, It’s why I say on here, time and again, if you can get away from a narc and implement NC and go ‘dark’. Do it. Don’t look for revenge. Don’t show off via social media posts. Don’t feed info to flying monkeys. Go invisible. Disappear. And hope and pray that the narc finds new flesh to feed off so that you are forgotten and they well and truly move on. I think that the longer you are able to do this and stay low, the higher the likelihood that a narc will eventually leave you alone.

I am coming up on 2 1/2 years of NC and am still the recipient of intermittent hoovers/ anonymous gifts. I resolutely ignore and wait it out.

I want nothing more than for my nex to upgrade. Wealthier, prettier, younger, more malleable…I don’t care. Because once he has secured supply that he deems ‘superior’ I will well and truly be relegated to the trash bin and hopefully left completely alone. Zero hoovers, like I don’t exist? = Bliss.
________________________________

Prisons are full of narcissists. Yes they can be extremely dangerous. Just picture a homicidal toddler with no ability or desire to control themselves or regulate their emotions in any way who is also large enough to very seriously hurt you.

Now you understand.

37
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 06:36:27 AM »
What is the reality of a narcissist?

Here is the biggest truth: no narcissist will ever be ready to acknowledge that nobody likes them.

This is the reason why they have to keep chasing different sources of supply. They know every supply they have in their life has an expiry date, and this supply, sooner or later, they'll be able to see through them and see through their facade, only to recognize them for who they are.

They know they make people miserable; they know they are miserable, and they do not want to acknowledge that. They just want to blame things on people because it's an easy way to escape situations. It's an easy way to bypass the situations that could have otherwise helped them to wake up to their truth.

And what is their truth? They are shame-filled individuals who do not take responsibility for anything at all.
_________________________________


Liam Harden
Self-Aware Closet Narcissist

My reality? You only see yourself to exist in this world. Everyday I wake up and everything that revolves something, I am always apart of the equation. When thinking of others, I think of myself. When thinking of plans, I think of myself. When I walk out in public, everyone around me is meshed into the background.

I am practically alone in the world at all times and boredom is what keeps me going. Talking to people does incite emotions but I am unable to have emotions for those people. Once I walk away, my emotions fleet away, and I go back to being bored looking for the next thing to do. I ‘disconnect’ from people on a dime once they are not in front of me. I do not think of others unless there is something I am seeking.

For example, when you think of others, you may be picturing them as they are and things about them that makes them, them. When I think of others, I without being conscience, think of myself gaining some enjoyment, goal, moment, etc.

I only exist in this world in terms of perception because my brain does not connect to you any differently than objects. I may receive emotional responses within once I am around people, and admiration lifts me up because something inciting those childish emotions that all children love, attention, but I am stuck not seeing anyone else.

Children perceive the world this way but as an adult it is an issue because there are bigger roles and responsibilities that I am to be obligated to fill because of the fact I am not a child.
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The reality of a narcissist is no reality at all.

This lack of contact with the reality of others, their feelings, renders the narcissist incapable of empathy. They live in a pre-socialized world where their interests and concerns are self centered. Their ego is weak. Their defenses are rigid. They are hyper vigilant and hyper reactive.

They are incapable of reciprocity. They tend to be exploitative. As such, they see others as tools for their own self aggrandizement. They skim the surface and tend to be manipulative and high strung. They are critical, indecisive and irrational. If you call this reality, “reality”, I suggest you think again.
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Wouldn’t it be nice to live in the narcissist’s reality? You’re always right. You’re the best at everything. You’re an expert at all things you do or haven’t even tried.

The narcissist has a lot of pain from the past and is skilled at projecting that pain on everyone else. If you call the narcissist out on a cruel or inappropriate action or response, and he or she feels violated, criticized, demeaned, the narcissist will become the victim because that keeps the narcissist from having to look within.

This is referred to as a narcissistic injury. And the narcissist can play a very good victim. It takes the focus off what the narcissist did wrong, and it puts you on the defensive as the perpetrator.

If anything goes wrong it’s your fault, no matter the offender. Remember, narcissists believe they are perfect and everyone else is not. How could it be his or her fault?

With the narcissist, the punishment never fits the crime. Usually there’s not even a crime to begin with. The narcissist may dole out harsh criticism, the silent treatment or a combination of both to “punish” you and have you begging for forgiveness. Remember, the narcissist is great at being the injured party, even when the narcissist is actually the perpetrator.

There’s no proportion. The drama doesn’t end, no matter how much you tiptoe around your home.

Narcissists also believe they are so good at life, that they shouldn’t surround themselves with anyone “less than” them. (If you’ll notice they have few if any good friends.) That’s why the narcissist doesn’t engage with anyone he feels inferior or that can’t do something for the narcissist

The narcissist almost does something with the end in mind. The narcissist must get something from a situation or person, or the narcissist won’t take part. The narcissist looks at life like a Monopoly game. There’s a strategy or manipulative tactic put in place in order to gain money, people, and things, regardless if it hurts the other person financially or emotionally. I’ve known narcissists who leave an ex-wife and children homeless, while the narcissists walk away free of guilt and trauma. If it works for the narcissist, then that’s how the narcissist believes the game should be played.

The narcissist takes pride and pleasure in disrupting your world. Seeing you in emotional pain is something the narcissist relishes. Why? The more pain you carry, the easier it is for the narcissist to control you and those around you. The narcissist also understands that if you are isolated due to your pain or his control, then that’s even better. He has you at his disposal, broken down, ready to please.

Also, the narcissist likes for your home life, social life and professional life to revolve around him or her. The narcissist does it by causing disruption, then often fixing the problem he caused.

For example, I can recall numerous arguments the narcissist provoked, only to come back and give an empty apology such as, “I’m sorry, but you push my buttons. Can you calm down and we talk about this rationally?” The narcissist looks like the hero, and you’re left wondering what just happened.

Life with a narcissist is a rollercoaster. There are so many ups and downs, all orchestrated to have high control. But there are ways to get off the roller coaster. First of all, don’t get on board in the first place. Focus on your truth. Don’t let the narcissist sway your beliefs of what you know to be true. Journal or keep a notebook of incidents you know occurred.

Secondly, find some peace every day. Take the dog for a walk. Phone a trusted friend. Get grounded in reality. There are good people out there who want you to be healthy emotionally and physically.

Finally, live you're best life. Avoid toxic people. If you can’t avoid the narcissist, put strong boundaries in place. The narcissist won’t like it, but you will become stronger. Time away from toxic people helps you heal and see things clearly. You can more easily live your life. That’s the best karma out there. And you accelerate that karma by taking care of you

38
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 05:40:11 AM »
Once You SPEAK Like This,
Reality Becomes Yours

Once you learn how to correctly speak to the universe, reality becomes yours. Allowing you to completely shift your reality. Imagine standing at the edge of a vast, shimmering ocean, the horizon stretching infinitely, blending the water with the sky.

This ocean is the realm of infinite possibilities, your potential realities. You're holding the key to unlock any reality you desire. This key? Your words. But to wield this key with precision, the first step is Awareness.

39
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 05:28:57 AM »
What happens when a narcissist realizes they’re losing you?

They will always demean and minimize the contribution you brought to the relationship as a way to justify their lack of loyalty, lack of empathy, and cruelty to you when they're trying to discard you for someone else.

Keep on reminding yourself that nothing you have done or not done in that relationship justifies how they treated you. Got no contact and never look back as they do not change and in fact they get worse with age. You don't need people like that in your life. Don't take them back there are plenty of good people out there that will treat you in a way that you deserve.
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They’ll either step up their love bombing or they’ll pull your chain. A therapist once compared how my ex treated me to a yo-yo… she’d give me some slack then yank me back. I now know this was a manifestation of control through the trauma bond… she played on my need for validation from her. Only, when that stopped working and I cared less, she became nice and flattering.

Unlike normal people who will have honest discussions about your relationship (even if difficult), narcissists tend to have one-sided, blaming, victim-role conversations. The best advice I can give is to just leave them if you’re thinking about it.

A relationship with one will not get better through honesty and vulnerability. It just won’t. And trying to salvage something ends up futile. Cutting them off is hard and drastic, but I found it to be the only way. Good luck.

40
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 29, 2024, 05:11:08 AM »
Do narcissists miss their exes
after they discard them?

Yes, we never miss what we have until it’s gone, so of course they miss you. You may subconsciously miss them too. Missing someone is natural especially if you have created a connection with this person.

They miss what the person provided for them not the actual person, because they object their victims. To the narcissist, you existed to them as an object to be used at their advantage or convenience. They miss their ex, because they are always between relationships.

When the person that they are with sees them for who they are, and they get discarded by that person, it is an immediate reaction for a narcissist or an abuser to go back or miss the last person that they were with. So, missing their ex is a big oops in their lapse of judgment or distorted decision making, and less about missing you an individual. When dealing with a narcissist it is not about a relationship, it is about objectification, control, egomania, and power.

They miss you in their life so they can feed off your good energy, and ultimately try to destroy your self-confidence all over again. You can't believe their “apologies,” and “empty promises” to not hurt you anymore, it is a scheme meant to toy with your emotions in an effort for you to take them back. Which is everything that the person they were with didn't have or was not providing for them.

They missed the attention that you can gave them.

They missed how you stroked their egos.

They missed what you did for them, and how you made them feel as far as giving them adoration, praise, affection, loyalty, pleasure, money, time, energy, and validation. (the list goes on)

They missed that they had someone who truly loved them, and would do anything they can to make them happy which is narcissistic supply that you once offered them.

They missed the control, and power that they had over you.

They missed your obedience, forgiveness, faithfulness, and authenticity.

They missed that they were able to manipulate, mislead, abuse, use, and control you.

Narcissists don’t want you to heal, recover, and move on. This is why they come back even after the discard. They always do things with a purpose; they are cunning toxic individuals who aim to destroy your souls. Lasty, the critical thing is to remember that narcissists don’t miss you, they miss what you provided for them and the control and power they once had over you.

It is not you who they miss, they miss what you had to offer. May you know the signs, may not allow the abuser access into your life again, and may you continue to walk towards your healing.
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Narcissistic personality disorder can manifest in various ways, and individuals with this disorder may have difficulty forming genuine emotional connections with others. While every person is unique, it's important to note that individuals with narcissistic traits may not experience the same emotions or attachments in relationships as others do.

Their focus is often on themselves and their own needs, rather than on the well-being of others. It's crucial to seek professional guidance and support if you or someone you know is dealing with the impact of a relationship involving narcissistic behavior.

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