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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 01, 2024, 04:00:23 AM »
What is something a narcissist
won't see coming?

I think there are three essential things that a narcissist won’t see coming but that can help you so incredibly. Whether they’re narcissistic or just selfish or passive aggressive people, it applies equally I’d say.

1-No more anger: Narcissistic and passive aggressive people tend to thrive on your anger, so STOP giving it to them. Passive aggressive people actually WANT you to get angry because it’s a displacement of their own anger. So do yourself a favor and stop taking the bait.

I put a little paper up on my mirror that says “don’t take the bait” and it’s a GOOD reminder. Life is filled with little things and big things alike to make you angry, to get you to react, to make you lose it. Don’t let the baiters win, don’t give them what they need and want because it only hurts you. It hurts you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So #1 is NO MORE ANGER.

2-Forgiveness: I think deep down a narcissist or passive aggressive knows they’re not treating you well, despite the level of denial and delusion, and since they also tend to thrive on your anger, the last thing they expect and perhaps care to have, is your forgiveness.

But here’s the thing, when you forgive them it just sets YOU free, makes YOU more whole, and brings YOU health. For them, they don’t expect it, and they might not care to have it for a long long time, but it matters, and they’ll never expect it.

3-Healthy Boundaries: When you’ve found the answers to less anger and forgiveness, this one comes naturally. And one thing a narcissist or passive aggressive will never expect (and will never like) is you establishing healthy boundaries. When you learn to deal with your anger and you learn to forgive you inherently grow as a person and you start to realize your fundamental value, and when you understand your value you realize that you don’t need to allow people to treat you horribly.

You establish basic healthy boundaries, and this takes all of a narcissist’s power away if you can keep those boundaries up. It’s not about building walls to shut out the world or other people, it’s just about recognizing that there’s a line you will no longer allow people to cross in their treatment of you. It also doesn’t require aggression or a mean spirited nature on your part, but simply a calm resolve to protect your sanity, physical health, spirituality, and so on.

I saw when I started taking control of these things in my life, it took control away from the narcissistic and passive aggressive people. It put them on confusing ground while I grew to understand more about myself that I really needed to know.

I think sometimes we deal with these people so long that we get into the mindset that they’re the problems in our lives, but would those problems exist if we didn’t have our own problems which allowed us time and again to accept their horrible behavior? The only one I can change is me, so I might as well give up the ghost of changing him or her, getting revenge on them, making some big poignant statement or point, because those things really don’t work. What works is helping myself, caring about myself, and THAT will always shock a narcissist, because they expect you to always and only care about them.
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They are brilliant strategists and so whenever their victims discover their evil games, this is not something that they will take lightly.

I think that they are highly intuitive and so when their victim suddenly becomes indifferent, they will realize that the game is over.

And they have to face failure……….. their strategy failed.

May all victims of narcissism face the truth and stop trying to excuse abusive behavior. Abuse gets worse and never better.
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Their host/target catching on to their lies and initiating effective counter measures against them. For a narcissist it’s all about control. Narcissists see themselves as mentally superior to their target, but in truth they rely heavily on their target’s response.

My ex wife would take my patient and understanding nature as a weakness, push boundaries,and take liberties. I caught on to this and stopped telling her things.she had to resort to spying on me and eavesdrop on my phone conversations. Knowing this, I used more profanity when referring to her, knowing she was listening. She was pissed but couldn’t say anything without revealing how she got her info.

I got a storage room and another apartment without her knowledge, and moved much of my property out with her unawares. She had some idea something was going on and tried to say the spirit of God told her something was wrong. I revealed nothing as she told me she was insecure and didn’t want us to break up. She said she realized that she took me for granted. I said nothing.

She tried guilt, fake tears, stories of impending doom “our marriage is on life support”. It didn’t matter. I was done. I packed up the rest of my stuff while she sat in the room staring at the wall wondering why she couldn’t trick me and had no idea where I worked or where I was going. Her best efforts failed. She had nothing left.

12
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 30, 2024, 05:52:57 PM »
You will never be angry
again after listening to this
stoic quotes about anger
remedy | STOICISM

In this video, we explore the power of stoicism to control and transform anger into something positive. Through carefully selected Stoic quotes and teachings, we reveal practical methods and thoughts that will help you maintain calm and composure in challenging situations. If anger has been an obstacle in your life, get ready for a profound change.




13
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 30, 2024, 05:26:34 PM »
A LACK of FRIENDS INDICATES
that a PERSON IS VERY....



@tigerlee9613
2 months ago
As a lonely man, I rather be lonely than have any friends.  Most were trash.  Many discouraged me to achieve my goals.  Some got jealous and always tried to out do me.  Some took advantage of me. No one cared about me and cared more about themselves. I had enough of people.  I rather be alone.
14
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 30, 2024, 05:10:14 PM »
The narcissist and the
shame-rage spiral




@annabee4897
3 years ago
Me to the narc: "Please don't scream at me"

The narc to me: "I'm NOT SCREAMING...YOU ARE!!!!!!"
15
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 30, 2024, 11:08:07 AM »
Do narcissists ever try to
KILL YOU?

Yes.

That is their goal.

Narcissists want you DEAD.

They want you DESTROYED.

And they want to be responsible for your death (and don’t want anyone to know they were responsible).

They enjoy watching you slowly die inside from the various health ailments their abuse causes that will completely vanish if you leave them.

They enjoy you getting sick to the point that you no longer want to live.

They enjoy every minute of it.

And when you’re dead, they love the attention from people they receive over your dead body.

This is who they are, this is who you are dealing with, and this is how serious this can end up if you don’t get out of the relationship.

LEAVE NOW!
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Most narcs try to kill their mates in the most cunning way. They do it slowly and cunningly. But I think in extreme cases they are capable of murder. I never understood why my ex in-laws locked their bedroom when they went to sleep. I guess they knew what their daughter was capable of.
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I don't think that narcissists are out to kill you, but if they can drive you to take your own life or think they played a part in your decision to do so they will secretly be celebrating while trying to use their connection to you in order to get pity points from others.
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I believe they could, they are evil..My ex narc used to say “I will choke you out“.
I knew then it was time to leave, but next day he acted so nice.

They are pathetic!
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I can answer this question in a several ways. My ex narcissist was very abusive physically and on many occasions would hit me so hard on my head that my hearing would go. I blacked out once when he wanted his ring back and I didn't want to give it back. He pushed me against a wall and chocked me so I passed out.

I pressed charges against him. He got probation and spent a week in jail. Of course, this happened along time ago the laws were not that strict. I want to say that I struggled so much with depression and suicidal thoughts. I was very empty inside. He made me feel like nothing. I wasn't important, I wasn't smart enough, beautiful enough. I was never enough.

In my 32 years of suffering with his narcissism I tried to take my life. Your life is so dismal that anything is better. He made me feel like I was a dead woman walking. I thank the Lord he is no longer in my life. I know that God was with me and that it wasn't me who was causing all that I was feeling. It's been 7 years since he left.

I'm so happy now.

I occupy my time with work and family. I love myself and I hope that one day I can meet someone who deserves me. I know if I would have stayed with him I would have taken my life. So to answer your question yes a narcissist can kill you.
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Yes, be prepared and on alert.

Never turn your back on these lowlife sneaks. He tried to suffocate me first, been proven guilty thanks to his Irma Grese of a stepmother. Then he tried to strangle me twice. The first time was horrible but the second time he nearly succeeded. My dog bit him he turned around and nearly strangled her because she bit him trying to protect me. My cats were abused. So I'm telling you if your in a relationship with a narc, get the FARK OUT OF there. It's dangerous. Very dangerous.

16
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 30, 2024, 10:41:53 AM »
How can a person
communicate effectively
with a narcissist?

Here are six rules for effective communication with a narcissist:

1. Use their name.

When speaking with a narcissist, be sure to use their name. It's polite, shows respect and empathy—things the narcissist knows little about. It also demonstrates emotional intelligence, something the narcissist lacks. Using their name throws them off and shows you're not intimidated by them.

2. Keep it to the main point.

When engaging with a narcissist, define and agree on the purpose of the conversation. Keep the conversation on track, as narcissists tend to lead discussions into circular, mind-bending, and unproductive paths. Don't let them drive you crazy with word salad and circular talks.

3. Have authentic curiosity.

Approach the conversation with authentic curiosity and compassion. While the narcissist may not reciprocate, bringing this positive tone can set the stage for a better interaction.

4. Ask them what they think.

Begin the conversation by asking the narcissist for their thoughts. Avoid assuming what they think and give them the space to express themselves. This attention and validation can make the conversation more positive.

5. Healthy limits and boundaries.

When dealing with a destructive narcissist, manage the conversation by setting healthy limits and boundaries. Stick to the main topic and enforce limits, showing you won't tolerate abusive behavior.

6. Ask them, how did you arrive at this conclusion?

Have authentic curiosity about their conclusions. It's fair to ask for specifics and how they arrived at their opinions. This helps you gather information to make decisions for yourself.
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In my experience, with absolute silence.

If this narcissist is just a friend or partner (no marriage or children). Then complete and utter silence. Let them do all the talking and see how quickly their lies and manipulation become Chrystal clear to you. Do what you need to do to get this individual out of your life, but do it with the mute button on.

Now if this person is a blood relative or co parent this may be slightly more tricky. Remember every form of communication from you will be twisted and used against you for future attacks. So it’s incredibly important to use as little communication as possible. Keep a physical record of any conversations as proof as these shites will gaslight the hell out of you, if they spy the smallest vulnerablity.

Ideally a lawyer if things become ridiculous, expensive but it takes the pressure off, and helps you mentally deal with this person on an professional manner. Emotions are your enemy and a narcissists fuel. So you must blank off whenever you have to deal with their stress.

SILENCE is the only clear communication they’ll actually understand, it’s louder than any word or emotion you can use. Words and emotions are fuel to a narcissist. Silence is turning their emptiness back onto them, it’s the only healthy way to defeat them.

Waste no more time, compassion or empathy on them. Save your heart for people who really know and love you. Pity the narcissist and anyone still having to deal with them.
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Hmmmmmmm………let’s see.

~they say it, you believe it, even if you know it’s a lie.

~that person, you know, they say is just a friend? believe that too, while she’s off felafeling him.

~ wait. What? You have a feeling you want to address, nope. Don’t do that either. Keep your damn feelings to yourself.

~ their overall disrespect is painful? Yep, you guessed it. Suck it up butter cup. You asked how to communicate with one right?

~ take their hand and lead. into the delusional bliss you are now a part of. Don’t question anything about them, that’s not proper communication.

~ you know it, they are the best damn “fill in the blank” that you know, and you best not question them. Whatever ego trip they’re on this week, run with it.

~ if it’s a covert, and they are low. Forget your needs and wants. Be there for them, be there to tell them the lies they need to hear while you grit your teeth as you mutter the horrible validation. Something they will rarely give you.

One last thing, you don’t communicate with one, you just exist. Sit, be quiet, no feelings, nothing. Sit and keep your flocking mouth shut.
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When dealing with Cluster B, it's what you don't say that counts.

All of Cluster B are hyper-alert, hypersensitive, hyper-aware.

You probably noticed the way I didn't hyphenate “hypersensitive", and it bugged you — yes I know. And if it didn't then, it does now.

Cluster B pick up on silence, body language, facial expression. Being master manipulators, they can crunch an incredible amount of information at once — they read deeply into tiny cues.

They are akin to animals in this way, their brains are simpler, streamlined, focussed on the hunt, in this case on their endless hunt for supply.

Power for the psychopath

Status for the narcissist

Affection for the borderline

It is as though they have jettisoned the other parts of their brains in order to more easily acquire what it is they're after. By saying too much, you give away your position, and you allow them to more easily extort power, status or affection from you.

Try it for yourself.

Try saying less — notice how they will become uneasy, and speak more in order to prompt you into speaking, so that they know exactly where you are.

Try speaking with your body language — see what happens as you turn your body away, as you look as though you might be about to leave.

Use your facial expressions to answer a question, before you start talking.

Say less, watch more, move more.
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You should never be fully present around a narcissist. Part of you, should always be somewhere else.

When you must communicate with a narcissist, make sure you have multiple things going on in your mind and the narcissist is just one of them.

You want to come across a bit distracted, aloof… like you want to help and be polite to the narcissist, but you just got a lot on your mind so you struggle to give them your undivided attention.

If you keep your mind full, you are not even faking it. You really do have a lot on your mind, the narcissist just being one of them. And they are not priority neither.

If the narcissist cannot get your full undivided attention, if they cannot get a grip on your energy, then they will struggle to give you a whirl.

17
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 30, 2024, 06:38:59 AM »
What is in the day
of a covert narcissist?

I suspect it’s something like this:

Get up, feel victimised and make up a narrative about who is to blame for this.

Travel to work feeling envious and bitter about other people’s cars or prime seat on the bus or train. Make up a paranoid narrative about how people have conspired to deny you happiness or success.

Breezily greet co-workers with feigned interest and faked compliments. Resent having to pretend to be nice to worthless idiots who don’t deserve what they have.

Complain long and hard about how difficult your life and job are in the hopes of guilting someone into taking some work off your hands.

Rub shoulders with management. Give a great impression of your own excellence (despite trying circumstances of being surrounded by incompetence), and loyalty, while disparaging whoever you consider your biggest rival.

Virtue signal.

Judge and criticize your scapegoat- preferably in front of enablers and flying monkeys.

Gaslight.

Sabotage someone else’s work, then call them paranoid.

Intentionally ignore someone or dismiss/diminish whatever they said. Sigh at them and turn/walk away if they try harder to be heard.

Provoke someone until they react, then give them the silent treatment. Be extra cheerful and chummy with the next person who walks through the door to make the provoked person feel confused.

Wait until a co-worker completes something, then tell them the vital information that you were supposed to tell them at the outset, and watch, smirking, as they have to start over. Try to make them feel stupid for not knowing the thing that you deliberately withheld (or gaslight them that you did tell them).

Shirk responsibility, blame someone else, make a promise you don’t intend to keep.

Take credit for someone else’s work or idea. Call them petty if they point out that it was their idea/work.

Talk up what a busy day you’ve had. Try to make the other person feel unproductive by comparison.

Stay late at work to claim overtime that you didn’t earn, give the impression of a good work ethic, and the need for a re-evaluation of your (excessive) workload.

Travel home feeling envious and bitter about other people’s cars or prime seat on the bus or train. Make up a paranoid narrative about how people have conspired to deny you the happiness or success that you deserve.

Go to bed feeling bitter and victimised. Fantasise about omnipotence or publicly humiliating/punishing whoever you blame for making your life like this.

18
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 30, 2024, 06:22:11 AM »
Does a narcissist really
think you're stupid?

Absolutely yes. Narcissists are extremely manipulative and cunning; they will deceive you and then make you look stupid. Narcissists are liars, so they will challenge your knowledge, experience, and information with the help of lies and deception to put you down, and then they will call you stupid or a fool.

Narcissists believe they are smarter than you, so you deserve to be fooled; it's not their fault if you get tricked by them. Narcissists regulate their self-esteem by putting themselves up in front of everyone. For narcissists, their partners and people are stupid for easily believing their lies and deceptions. Narcissists call themselves smart by taking advantage of everyone's trust and kindness.

Narcissists only want to prove themselves correct to show they are smart and you are stupid.
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No…or they wouldn't deal with you they just know that they can get over on you and they think that they are smarter than you because we have developed a trauma bond which keeps us glued to them even after their abuse but they definitely do not think that we are stupid…or they never would have ”picked” us to begin with…
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Yes.

I’ve had the misfortune to be closely related to 2 narcissists, and I worked with one as well. That’s 3 too many.

Do they think you’re stupid?

Yes they do.
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Narcissists often project their own insecurities onto others, so if they call you stupid, it's more a reflection of their own mindset rather than an accurate assessment of you. They use such language to manipulate and control rather than to reflect reality.

19
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 30, 2024, 06:03:58 AM »
:cuffed:
20
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 30, 2024, 06:00:43 AM »
Why does the narcissist view
you as the enemy when you
truly loved them?

Because it was never about you, including the so called “love” you had/have for them. They are not after your love. They are after dominance of control, power, goods, services, emotional and mental over lord kinda sh!t.

As Tina Turner once sang.. “What’s love got to do with it?” - she was right. Absolutely bloody zilch, nada and zero when you are in an entanglement with a narcissist.

You have to be the enemy, the baddie, the villain.... for if you are not, they are not “good” - for them to regulate their inner bs, you have to be bad. There is no room for two hero’s in a narcissists nightmare fairy tale.

You will turn yourself inside and out again trying to “love” that narcissist to see sense. The only thing you are doing is future proofing how much of the “enemy” you truly are.

I know, I know, its nuts isn’t it? Some would say insanity at it’s best and those folks would be right.
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Most importantly, narcissists don't know the meaning of love. Getting unlimited narcissistic supply from you is love for narcissists. If you don't give them narcissistic supplies, then the narcissist feels you don't love them. There is nothing from the narcissist side; they will only put in effort during the love bombing phase.

Once the love bombing phase is over, narcissists start getting bored of you; they can't accept your flaws because they want you to be a perfect person. Narcissists don't want to hear about your problems because they don't have empathy or remorse.

Once they get bored of you, they will start treating you badly for more narcissistic supply to feel powerful. Narcissists don't want to take any responsibility or accountability for what they are doing in relationships.

Narcissists will make you an enemy by acting like a victim to escape accountability and responsibility. For narcissists, it's your job to please them without complaining. If you don't please narcissists, then you are the most horrible person in this world.
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Because you were unwilling to tolerate their abusive mannerisms and could even manage to live on without them. In their bizarre mind they are unable to fathom the thought that anyone could ever manage to keep on going and especially when thriving without them. You managed to shine and to keep shining and to even outshine them even when they had tried to burn you out and to tarnish that flame and means of life.

They wanted a fan that couldn't function without them and whom would be dependent upon them and who also would tolerate their abusive actions. They also wanted someone whom would be fine in neglecting their own well being as they would continue to ruin them since they would be aware that they are not that say normal and can't appreciate and love people alike how a healthier person would.

Misery loves company afterall and they would utilize that to no end making life extremely miserable for whomever would be fine in tolerating their presence and less pleasant and more abusive mannerisms and actions.

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