Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

Page 23 

What is a typical narcissist behavior?

They lie.
They blame others for everything that is wrong
They cheat. Every chance they get with anyone as long as that person gives what is needed.
They purposely create confusion.
They deny everything.
They tear others down and belittle them.
They retaliate in violence.
They have excessive need for admiration.
They lack empathy.
They’re arrogant.
They think they are superior.
They’re intolerant of criticism.
They think no one can resist their attractiveness.
They think they are entitled.
They envy others.
They struggle with leadership at work.
They’re full or rage and anger.
They insult others with no shame.
They have highly addictive personalities.
They’re impulsive and act most times without thinking or feeling.
They often have many difficult relationships and make others believe they are not to blame.
They’re usually preoccupied with a fantasy about who they are. Such as a race car driver, an actor or whatever they have a need to be like.
They lovebomb and once you’re hooked they criticize you.
They Hoover or stalk you because they think they own you.
They play the silent games. They pretend they didn’t get a message or text or they ignore you on purpose. This is a control tactic.
They need constant approval.
Intolerance with imperfections in others.
Preoccupation with outward appearance, beauty, wealth, fame, success over morals, virtue or even integrity.
Poor emotional regulation, aggressive impulses, psychologically fragile.
Vain, self-righteous and prideful.
Lack remorse, compassion, empathy for others.
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Narcissists are primarily selfish; although they may do their best to hide it, from the narcissist you can expect self-involved, short-sighted and generally vainglorious behaviour.

Narcissists love pleasure and despise pain — wherever possible they hurt others to soothe their own injuries.

Some narcissists are very tough, and so act out their selfish fantasies in public, whereas others are more sensitive, and need lay traps and snares to catch their secretive but vigorous prey.

The worst are those in the middle.
Those tough enough to defy society, break and bend its laws, but still sensitive enough to understand the ache of the human heart:

Too cold to feel your cries but just warm enough to know how much they meant.
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In my experience the typical behaviors in narcissists are as follows:

They always wear a mask so others won’t see their true selves.

They only care about themselves.

They try to control their SO by gaslighting and other ways to make their SO feel crazy.

They smear their SO's name.

The narc will try to isolate their SO from family and friends.

They talk trash about their SO's friends and don’t like their SO to have any friends.

Narcs get jealous when others make you happy.

Narcs criticize others physical appearance.

Narcs use the silent treatment to punish you for whatever they believe that you did to them.

They judge others very harshly…

Narcs enjoy chaos.

Narcs lie and make up stories to gaslight you, so then you question your own reality.

They are all verbally abusive to their SO to control them.

They are all victims.

The narc will viciously gossip about about anyone that crosses them…even if it’s their fault.

Narcs will leave and stay gone for hours, days, and come back when they feel like they have punished you enough…

Narcs hate being wrong.
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There are several signs in a relationship that you are dealing with a toxic individual who has one of the Dark Triad of disorders. First, they often do not have a capacity for empathy.

They do not have the ability to authentically understand the world of another person except as it can be manipulated for their own gain. However, they can put on a good “caring” act to manipulate others for their own benefit, particularly if they fall under the heading of covert narcissist.

A covert narcissist can maintain the appearance of being a caring, loving person, and hide their qualities of anger, aggressiveness, and envy from the outside world and from their intimate partners, at least for a while.

Second, they don’t feel sorry about any wrongdoing and dislike apologizing. There is little evidence of a conscience, compassion, remorse, guilt, or concern about the impact of their behavior on others, particularly those they love.

They may act apologetic or put on a show of compassion, but it is just to mask their real feelings. Some can be incredibly good actors, fooling even the most intelligent person, judges, or therapists. From the toxic person’s point of view, the person they harmed deserved what they got because the toxic person believes they are always right. In fact, they feel entitled to act in their own self-interest, even when others suffer.

Third, they believe they have rights that others would never assume they had. They live in a world in which they have privileges that others don’t. Whether they are objectifying you, cheating on you, or trying to control you, they believe that they deserve what they seek, including when and where they seek it because it is already theirs.

They will tell you whatever they believe you need to hear in order to get what they want from you. To these people, a lie is not a lie; it’s a mechanism to control the desired outcome. Misrepresentation of information or twisting facts are tools they employ to intimidate others into compliance.

They are chameleons who project a façade that is totally different from who and what they really are. Always in disguise, they can be a doctor, priest, or politician, but if they have NPD they are not the person you think they are. These damaged souls tend to study others, such as empaths and giving people, to see how they act and what they say, and mimic them.

There is often nothing behind their words, which are little more than empty promises. They project sincerity, mimicking what others do and say, raising optimism and unfounded hope in family and friends.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-a-typical-narcissist-behavior?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

What should I do to give up on a narcissist?

FOR ONE, YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN THE NARCISSIST.

Then, you have to accept the reality of the situation.

Then, you make the conscious decision to give up.

If you look at it logically, no one can truly love a narcissist.

You loved someone who has been treacherously manipulating you, with malice aforethought.

Not one minute or nanosecond with this person was authentic or genuine on their part. You simply got fooled.

And, you have to love yourself more than an abuser.

You have to accept this simple fact. That, you were caught up in an act.

It’s happened to many of us. Deceived people do not know they are deceived.

Hence the word, deception.

And, that’s not on you, that’s on them.

You accept that you were deceived, and that nothing you do or don’t do will ever change this person’s treacherous behavior toward you.

Then, you give up.

Abandon all hope.

Hope that they can or will change. They can’t, and won’t.

Hope that they love you, they don’t.

Hope that you can help them, you can’t.

Hope that there is anything of value to cling to, there isn’t.

And with all of that in mind, that should give you a good start to giving up.

You accept what is. That you are wasting your time on someone who is the biggest waste of time, maybe ever.

At the end of the day, it’s actually quite simple.
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You let go when you’ve had enough of being used, abused, manipulated, confused, hurt, played, disrespected, devalued, and treated like a doormat.

You let go when you know that enough is enough.

You begin letting go when you feel like you’re the only one in the relationship.

You begin letting go the moment that you’re aware that the narcissist is playing mind games with you and enjoys doing so.

You begin letting go when you begin to hear or see red flags. You let go when your energy and peace is purposely being destroyed by this toxic individual.

You begin letting go when you realize that you were nothing more than a toy, bank, sex worker, cook, ATM, maid, therapist, a garbage disposal, a free rental space, punching bag, and the list goes on. You get the point.

You begin to let go when you realized that the relationship or partnership is not about you and will never be.

You begin to let go when you realize that no matter how much you give, it will never be reciprocated to you or for you.

You begin letting go when you realize that you have been lied to, cheated on, used, manipulated, and gaslighted.

You begin letting go when you’re aware that you are not the only one in the relationship due to their unfaithfulness.

You begin letting go when you finally realize that your opinion, feelings, decisions, and desires do not matter.

You begin letting go when you realize that it all was a lie to begin with. You begin letting go once you realize that dealing with this person is a losing battle that can literally leave you with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

You begin letting go when you feel that you no longer matter. You let go when there is verbal abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, psychological, emotional abuse, and or any form of abuse.

You let go when your emotional and mental health is being compromised. May you now know the signs, may you no longer be a victim of narcissistic abuse, and may you bravely unapologetically let go!
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LEAVE.
Don’t say goodbye. Don’t write a letter. Don’t give any information of your whereabouts. Don’t look back. Change your phone number. As a matter of fact just get a new phone because they have probably spied on you or are monitoring your calls/texts without you knowing it. Block him. Don’t look back. Join a support group specifically a 12 step program.

Don’t look back.
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This is my advice:

Research enough to convince yourself that a narcissist can and WILL destroy your life in a very covert manner. This is the first step.

Kick in your logic. Throw all emotions in the bin for the time being. You must tackle this with a 100% alert mind. The minute your hearts starts missing this person, stop that behavior immediately. Whatever you felt for this person was real. Whatever the narcissist felt for you was just Hollywood acting. Sorry but have enough experience with them to know what they do.

Do the no contact as abruptly as possible. Do not give in to discussions. YOU WILL BE MANIPULATED. I can guarantee you that any narcissist will manipulate any well meaning human being.

List down all the abusive episodes. All the details must be listed and you need to read this full list a million times a day if necessary. Within a few short weeks, even you yourself will see that the huge fog you feel today, will start lifting.

Ask God for help if you feel weak.
You are dealing with an immense power to destroy. Show the whole wide world that when things get tough, you are made of much tougher stuff.
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Think about benefits of ending relationship with narcissist:

You get rid of projection, blaming, shaming, stonewalling, silent treatment, ghosting and triangulation.

You get to learn it wasn't your fault, there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not crazy.

You removed narcissist from.your life and you learnt to be grateful because you survived the narcissist.

You can be happy, you can smile again.
You begin to learn trust and set boundaries.
You get your mind back and learn to feel your beautiful heart.
You gain freedom You get to live a life free from abuse, chaos and drama.
You get to move on and live life on your own terms and break free from the negativity.
You get to piss off the narcissist because you are the winner. They will always be a narcissist.

You learn you can’t give or receive love until you learn to love yourself.
When you cut of narcissist from your life your Life can only improve.Think about that even if is hard now.
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What helped for me was:

Deciding it was over and I was never going back - no ambivalence, quickly followed by no contact so I would NOT be tempted by his offers to “stay friends” (aka keep using my resources at will).

Accept I was going to grieve this relationship (such as it was) and go through all the stages and emotions -Fear, sadness, anger etc.

Not rush or suppress any stages - know that the only way out is through.

Journal daily - to vent all the anger, to celebrate the moments I wasn’t sad/angry, to note that they were becoming more frequent.

Read Quora and watch a lot of YouTube videos to learn about narcissistic behaviours and how to fix the issues in me that let mistreatment of myself continue as long as it did.

Something that really helped was to think of the good things I missed about that relationship and give them to myself. For example, my ex was a covert manipulator and the way he sucks in people is to over-compliment them and offer all this (pretend) validation. I realised I was sucking it up like a hungry sponge because I never said nice things to myself.

So I started to work on my self-talk and I’d compliment myself out loud. Good Jedi brain trick - I could give myself a lot of the validation I was missing. I also bought myself flowers, took myself for massages, dressed up for myself, literally treat yourself as you wish your boyfriend had treated you.

Nearly 6 months of no contact and feeling on top of the world. My ex moved next door with his new supply the same week I kicked him out and now I see the same sh!t going on there.

She looks drained af, while everyone says I am shining like the sun. I feel amazing and freedom feels like a gift. It does take time to get there.
The sooner you go No Contact the better.
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There are many ways that you can let go of the narcissist from your life:

The first and foremost thing to do is stop obsessing about them. What are they up to, are they dating someone new, shall I go and stalk his social media? Please stop everything that brings you nuance rather than peace of mind.

The second thing you could do is to avoid trying to rationalize because that’s why they have manipulated you in the worst possible ways.

The third thing could be learning how to cope with your anxiety and depression. It’s not a joke to live with a narcissist. They take away everything from you so it’s better if you start living your life on your terms and avoid situations that enhance depression and anxiety in you.

The fourth way could be keeping yourself occupied. There must be some hobbies that you stopped pursuing while living with the narcissist. So, it’s the time you come back to it and start utilizing your time in something that only brings you peace of mind and soothes your soul like nobody else.

There could be more ways to stop blaming yourself because it was never your fault. Start focussing on self-love and give yourself the life you always deserved. Please learn to prioritize your pleasure and acknowledge anything that disturbs you even for a second to build a routine where it will hold no meaning and existence. I hope these tips will help you out.
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Two ways come to mind… 🤔

The first way is to educate yourself on NPD. You will soon come to realize that there is no future for you by giving the narcissist chance after chance to be ’normal’, they never will be, and you will suffer a great deal. There is no remedy to ‘fix' them.

The second way is to open your eyes to the abuse that you have already endured, and know there is much more coming your way in the future. That's what you got to look forward to.

If that's not enough to make you come to your senses and completely give up on your narc, you're on your own.
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I usually start seeing them as childish, less smart than me and generally pitiful. When I lose my respect for someone, it’s very easy to stop caring for them. I forget them soon afterwards.

So I suggest you start feeling pity for how pathetic and small they really are. Because they are weak and pitiful, let’s face it.

https://www.quora.com/What-should-I-do-to-give-up-on-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

Are narcissists impulsive?

Narcissists are very impulsive by nature. Because of their poor impulse control, narcissists get into many problems and put people into more problems.

Narcissists act impulsively when their ego gets triggered or when they experience shame. They may act impulsively by showing anger, blaming, gaslighting, taking rash decisions, and blaming people without understanding the core problems.

Narcissists may show impulsiveness in eating, drinking, substance abuse, spending, shopping, and road rage and be unable to control anger in sensitive situations. Narcissists come to conclusions very easily; they take decisions without thinking.

Narcissists can act very impulsively in the professional field; they can make poor decisions, which can result in lower income, job loss, or people suffering.

Narcissists can be impulsive in their cheating; they can cheat relentlessly without thinking of consequences.

Even non-narcissists can be impulsive by nature, but narcissists are more impulsive than non-narcissists.
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I have to say that a narcissist always prepares and plans. They plan to seek out a person for supply. They plan to sweep them off of their feet. Win them over. Then they plan to get rid of them if they don't live up to their so called perfect standards. They also plan to find another victim after they dump them and do the exact same thing to the next person.
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Narcissists are impulsive because they have enthroned their id, their primal animalistic urges - fear, jealousy, anger, lust.

To the infant, there is no right or wrong, merely impulses must be met, and if they are not the infant responds with rage, terror, wailing.

The Narcissist is much like the infant. Every urge is good, every urge is right, every urge must be fulfilled.

For if a narcissist has wrong urges, then they too must be wrong, so too must the narcissist be wrong, shameful, inferior.

But a narcissist is good, is right, correct, and so are each and every one of their urges.

If they are jealous, then they are right to be jealous, and they are right to do whatever their jealousy tells them to do in order to soothe themselves.

If they wish to avenge their jealousy by hurting you, by cheating on you, then that is the right thing to do. The narcissist worships their impulses, and follows them as much as they can, as they are right, good, correct.

If they are angry at you, then their anger is righteous anger, no matter how disproportionately angry they are, no matter what they do against you to dissipate their anger.

The only evil in the narcissist's world is not following their divine impulses, and all those who seek to stop the Narcissist from what their impulses tell them to do are evil.

People like you.
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OMG it is all impulsive, all the time! They live in the moment so if it feels good at the time, so be it.

I nicknamed my ex Scorpion after the fable. The scorpion is trapped and needs to get to the other side of the pond to survive. It asks a frog to carry it across the pond but the frog refuses because it is afraid the scorpion will sting him.

The scorpion convinces the frog since it would drown as well if it stung him so the frog agrees. Half way across the pond the scorpion stings the frog. In dismay the frog asks the scorpion why knowing that they will both die - the scorpion responds, “because it is my nature.”

Think of the screaming child that wants a treat at a store and mom says no, who then has a complete meltdown. Narcissists lack emotional maturity and react the same way as a 4 year old that can’t get what it wants.
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Absolutely. Narcissists tend to act like petulant children. If you cause any slight they will go on the attack to be right in any situation. I told my ex many times that she couldn’t help herself which was accurate. If she initiated an argument she would perpetuate it as all costs.

It finally came to a head when I refused to comply with her and told her to burn in hell and called her a witch. This because I was offering friendly advice to a person who suffered a traumatic brain injury with no intent to get involved with them. The narc demanded I stop. A total lack of empathy. If she really had a problem with that person she could have offered to help her and I would have let her offer advice as it would likely have been the same advice. Her goal was simply to keep me isolated from any friends or family.

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/Are-narcissists-impulsive

[tellomon]

Do narcissists fake emotions?

It’s hard to believe that the same hands that touched you tenderly at the start are now trying to strangle you.
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Narcissists do feel emotions like jealousy, envy, hatred, fear, anger, and disgust. They understand empathy on a basic level (cognitive empathy), but they don’t actually feel it. They don’t experience joy or sadness like most people, though they can get depressed and may seem sad. Narcissists feel all the negative emotions but lack the emotional empathy needed to truly care for or love others.

They often fake emotions, copying what they've seen others do. They’re good at reading people and knowing how to respond, but it’s all an act. Because they don’t feel empathy, they can be very cruel and abusive. They seem to care only about themselves and don’t have room for anyone else in their world. They focus all their energy on maintaining their fake persona and don’t like to waste time on people they no longer find useful.

After the love-bombing stage, once they know you're hooked, they stop putting in effort. Instead, they throw you small bits of attention (crumbs) just to keep you around. This is the devaluation stage, where they get fuel from your emotions while often starting to love-bomb someone else. Devaluation can last for years, as they drain as much as they can from you before finally discarding you. When they discard you, it’s cold and emotionless, like throwing out trash.

During devaluation, the weaker you become from their abuse, the stronger they feel. Once they find a new source of supply and move on, they might later think of you if they see you've recovered. This is when they may try to "hoover" you back into their life, apologizing and pretending they’ve changed. They might claim they loved you all along and were just going through a tough time.

If you’ve escaped, stay away. Don’t believe their words—focus on their actions. They can fake tears, apologies, and any emotion needed to pull you back in. But if you go back, the abuse will likely be even worse. Protect yourself by staying out and not letting them back into your life.
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Well, its like this.... Narcissists switch their fake emotions, empathy, love, care, respect, friendship, off and on in like a light switch. BUT in reality they are perpetually in that 'off' position because they are nothing but an empty shell devoid of life!

I could write out all of the words that describe this abuse and what a Narcissist does to destroy good people but what it boils down to is that they are ABUSIVE and DESTRUCTIVE.

They do not have the internal mechanisms associated with empathy, caring, love, respect or anything that deals with treating people in a normal or positive manner, yet alone the ability to have a loving relationship. They dehumanize people, lie to them, betray them, harm them, and DESTROY them – it is the cycle of abuse with a Narcissist. We get caught up in the horrendous and sick manipulation that they conned us into believing that THEY LOVED US.

As I’ve said many times before (you can check my past answers on “narcissists” and “narcissism”), that is the sickest thing a human being could do to another human, yet alone use that trust to extort what they can from a person. Every step of the way this creature has manipulated a target/victim only to use them up and discard them which was inevitable!

But also remember that before the discard the Narcissist psychologically abused you to put you in a place of total blame, made you vulnerable, disabled you, isolate and silenced you. Lastly they have gone out and spread rumors that YOU are the abuser, mentally ill, cheated on them and everything else they could think of to really seal your fate. This is the abuse in a nutshell!

What after any of this would it take to convince you that this was purely an agenda and how destructive they are and how you MUST free yourself from this abuse? Narcissists are ABUSERS! You have to accept this as reality as it concerns any relationship with them. BUT once you know the truth you must make a choice of what you are going to do. The best choice is to leave them, but if you choose to stay with them then you have to accept that they are GOING to abuse you and probably destroy your life AND you.

YES they seem to be very lovable, highly charming, possessing empathy and even intelligent. That is for a short time and the façade that they create and there is no reality to it. The only significance to it is that it allows the Narcissist to con people into their world to extort them! This becomes the very illusion and trap that the target/victims get caught up in that becomes the future source of so much misery for targets/victims.

We BELIEVE in the Narcissist’s manufactured love or we fall in love with them and become vulnerable because of the emotional attachment. It is a horrendous disappointment, and disillusionment when you realize that you fell in love with a perfect illusion of love that is TOTALLY manufactured!

It becomes traumatic then when you have to deal with this somehow and accept that the time you invested and the love that is a reality to you NEVER existed – IT WAS A FAÇADE to extort everything that this Narcissist could from you.

Underneath that façade was the Narcissist’s structured agenda to lure you in and capture you as a new source of supply. BUT the truth behind this manufactured love is that the Narcissists façade is so weak and disordered and very inconsistent. You were always feeling off balance and you somehow committed yourself to fix them and fix the relationship AND they took advantage of this.

Somewhere in all of this you lost sight of your individual needs because the Narcissist used your emotions and love AGAINST you to keep bringing you down and making you more vulnerable and dependent on them.

The Narcissist knew that love would make any human vulnerable and that is what they used to manipulate you. By their very nature they are out of control and jump at any opportunity to scam somebody or use them as supply, but Narcissists learned that manufactured love would secure at least one source of 24/7 supply and still allow them to have the freedom to secure OTHER supply on the side as well!

You were never the wiser as it concerned their perverted world (on the side) because you were too busy loving them and believing their distorted lies! Just even writing about this sounds too incredulous to be true BUT IT IS!

The complexity of the Narcissist consists entirely of coping and defense mechanisms that completely drive them. These mechanisms are ALL consuming and the Narcissist is working double time or even triple time to repress their severely damaged persona and that is all they are able accomplish to maintain their own distorted sanity – they live and breathe to control themselves and us.

So basically their disordered agenda HAS to include the false identity (mask) as part of their coping mechanism AND part of their defense to avoid having to look inward at how disordered they are, but they also need it desperately to achieve a source of supply. They are one HUGE defense mechanism that functions to repress their disordered and damaged self so they can cope with the real world and seem to be normal in our world. They protect it at all costs and if they are wounded they will strike out and attack anyone that threatens their world.

They CAN’T maintain the fake love because it is not anything real to them, it is a tool and just part of the overall defense mechanism. They become easily bored because they don’t experience the real emotions of love that connect two people normally. Don’t think I am saying this so that we pity them – there are two different directions that every person in this world has the capability to actualize – and that involves making the right or wrong choices! To destroy, harm, lie, steal, manipulate, destroy, etc. IS THE WRONG CHOICE and ABUSE!

Any effort that you invest in to try to relate to a Narcissist emotionally is doomed the very second you try to actualize your thoughts as a workable reality. Also any attempt that you make along the lines of trying to understand their world, their patterns, why they do what they do, or why they react in the manner they do, or relating their actions into viable emotions as YOU normally relate to emotions is also totally hopeless! It will always end up destructive to YOU and used against you by the Narcissist.

Narcissists make no emotional investments in anybody, but they do mimic emotions as a tool to manipulate you and I and the common laymen on the street. Along the same lines they feel no stimulation from you or the relationship that you have with them. You do however have a very clear and significant role and that is as Narcissistic Supply.

They abhor intimacy and see it as a weakness so you are only a means to an end as supply or basically an object that they need to function! You have heard the saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ – well a Narcissist is very ‘familiar’ with all human kind and they just judge us and group us all into this contemptuous role. They don’t need the familiarity of knowing you/us because they devalue human beings before they even know them! Narcissists do this as naturally as we breathe air!

BUT funny how they need us to survive so they go to all lengths to make us BELIEVE they care about or love us. It is a simple manipulation for them because all they do is mimic our needs, likes, loves, etc. right back onto us. They force themselves or PRETEND to have all the same qualities that we have. So what isn’t there to like about having SO MUCH in common with somebody. Unfortunately that somebody is a Narcissist and a pathological liar that aims to use their manipulation techniques to harm!

There is no love, no personal interest, no emotional attachment, and no intellectual stimulation with their significant others. Individuality is perceived as a threat to Narcissists so they manipulate through deception to control us and their environment (or their fortress.) The whole relationship is a process of devaluation to make targets/victims dependent on the Narcissist and it is seriously starts from day one to get you under their spell. Seriously we take on the role of a parent or baby sitter to a Narcissist.

Unfortunately we always end up dealing with a contemptuous and mean 3 year old that makes us a punching bag for their tantrums and rages, co-dependent or always walking on eggshells to soothe them, and caught up in every distorted whim of theirs. They never get better through our love, care and respect AND instead we are taken for granted and used more and more. It is a full time job that is emotionally and physically draining if you are a person that is directly connected to a Narcissist.

Then there is always the destruction that goes hand in hand with the relationship because it really isn’t a 3 year old child you are dealing with, but instead a highly disordered adult AND an abuser! A Narcissist ALWAYS end up devaluing, dehumanizing and hating their target/victim and they make sure that everyone knows that YOU are just this evil and have HURT them through their contemptuous smear campaign.

We are not capable of maintaining a one way relationship especially when our individual needs come into play AND this becomes our downfall. The Narcissist does throw out a few bones here and there but that is only to maintain their distorted agenda and keep us as active supply until they can find another MAIN source of supply.

Narcissists are always on the hunt for newer and better supply and we do have an expiration date! We are not objects so we start questioning our roles and the Narcissist’s behaviors and that is where the trouble starts. The Narcissist will not allow us to be anything but an adoring servant to them. We are not allowed to make them accountable for any of their actions and we fall out of grace quickly and punished severely.

Nobody can stay in a role where they are constantly devalued, reduced to constant blame, restricted in their capacity to grow, constantly lied to, extorted, betrayed, etc. But as simple as it seems to identify these traits as negative and to run for your life and away from this monster there are complexities from the abuse that keep the target/victim coming back for more.

The Narcissist has groomed their target/victim to basically identify totally with the fake love by using it to make the target/victim vulnerable and they take advantage of that to manage us down more and more. Simply put it is a form of behavioral modification or brain washing! It is subtle but effective and the target/victim gets caught up in this horrendous cycle of abuse. Love connects us at the hip to this disordered creature. The Narcissist utilizes very strong manipulation techniques to break us down and keep us down.

Unfortunately because we are just objects or instruments to a Narcissist and not a viable human being that they respect, we cease to be a viable source of supply in time so they move on to the next source without a care. Just take the time to consider your relationship with your Narcissist as the perfect example of being an instrument to serve them.

Where are you today? Probably discarded, very vulnerable, confused, hurt, disabled, totally drained and pretty close to being destroyed. You never really knew a real person because there wasn’t one there to know. Instead there was a ‘nobody’ there or a fake image we loved and believed in and we hung on to that nothingness believing it was real!

Narcissists are not fully functioning human beings and they live out their entire lives in pursuit of self-gratification or the clinical term Narcissistic Supply. They would have fared out better in prehistoric times where they would fit in with all of the other predators that lived to eat each other. Dinosaurs had no qualm about their agenda to consume whatever they could, so you knew that you had to run or be eaten (a luxury we don’t have with a Narcissist!)

In modern times prehistoric monsters are extinct and wouldn’t fit in at all. Narcissists have evolved to fit in and be able to seek out and consume prey. EVERYONE in the Narcissist’s world is an object AND a potential source of supply to con, then drain dry, and discard.

So the trap! Everybody that was or is in any kind of relationship with a Narcissist BELIEVED that this Narcissist’s love was real. They were real to you in many ways or so you believed, BUT the devaluation (abuse) was the ONLY real thing here and the agenda of this Narcissist to extort your entire life and love.

You had a ‘real’ sense of it, but what you BELIEVED is that given sufficient time and patience you could fix this Narcissist because that became your only role and the ‘fake’ LOVE got you there. BINGO that is what your relationship was all along ‘fixing’ this Narcissist, apologizing for their faults they projected onto you, and being supply. Likewise the Narcissist makes use of your naivety and exploits it to their benefit.

The Narcissist uses natural love and all of the emotions associated with it to extract their supply. This Narcissist also uses your pain from the devaluation to please him/her. They also use it to extract MORE supply by making you beg for that fake love and very vulnerable to keep you in the never ending cycle of providing supply. You give and give and bend and bend until you practically snap in two.

What does that all boil down to?

The Narcissist plays and plays with your normal psyche to groom or change and shape it by penetrating your defenses through their vast arsenal of manipulation. The ‘real’ you starts to slowly disappear as the Narcissist basically assigns (manipulates) new behaviors onto and into you and you now have evolved your own ‘false self’ that coincides with the Narcissist’s many distorted needs!

It is not the same as the Narcissist’s ‘false self’ that is self-manufactured but instead an outcome of the Narcissist’s agenda. Through osmosis you become a slave to them. Idealization or devaluation is in reality all part of this process of changing you to meet all of the Narcissist’s needs!

It is a very well thought out agenda on the Narcissist’s part and it is supported by their ability to manipulate you thoroughly or psychologically abuse you. Let’s call it psychological terrorism or psychological rape. They are the GREAT manipulator!

The Narcissist achieves this by basically infiltrating our psyche with that famous charm and manufactured love that poured out so easily and constantly! Then they penetrate our defenses, AND once they secure our love and TRUST, we are basically putty in their hands to completely extort our lives and love!

This is all there was to the relationship as far as the Narcissist was concerned, but consider the time and energy you put into believing that this was real and then the outcome of realizing the truth. There is no easy out even when you learn the truth because you now have to deal with a reality that is so foreign to you. You now have to somehow convince yourself that this is a FACT after the many years of believing otherwise.

You have to search for help and answers. You have to suddenly become a scholar that understands personality disorders. You have to rise above the pain and destruction and basically become a superhero to yourself.

Well then what is left after everything thing you invested with your love and time with them? Nothing but total despair, betrayal at a hideous level and vulnerability. You are not going to be that superhero for some time.

The road ahead of you requires a great deal of education and introspection to understand all of this. You have to fall out of love and realize that there never was love. You have to tax your mind in a manner to make it believe something so foreign to you. It is like a virus in your body that spreads everywhere.

There is no Guru out there or magic fix to any of this. You are now having to deal with your own behavioral issues that manifest themselves as depression and anxiety. You are questioning your own belief system. You have experienced a form of behavioral modification or brain-washing and ALL of this has to be dealt with.

You have to deal with the emotions surrounding the loss of love and grieving that too. DON’T and I mean don’t look for magical cures because they don’t exist. Think of this in the terms of trying to heal yourself from heart disease or diabetes. You have to seek professional help or the issues will resurface later and you will be unhealthy for the rest of your life.

As I look back and remember the abuse I can clearly see the devaluation process so clearly NOW. I can see how this person I believed in was one HUGE exaggerated lie. After the fact I can see how this Narcissist destroyed their own family with the same lies and distortions that pulled me in.

I see hate, envy, crazy lies, and manipulation from an insane individual that lies their way through life and enjoys the harm that they inflict on others. I see a person that is so PERVERTED and a sexual addict that will connect with anybody or anything they can con into their lifestyle. This Narcissist put these sexual needs before their own family without a care or the embarrassment that it caused to any of them.

I believed and supported this monster in an effort to help them through serious problems and I only enabled them to abuse the people they left damaged before me. I was just the next target for this Narcissist to avoid exposure and use my goodness as a shield as well as extort everything they could from me and my family. These huge problems were just more scams to cover the truth and pull sympathy in for this Narcissist’s distorted cause.

This Narcissist is EVERYTHING that clinically defines this disorder. I am so thankful that I was able to break free of this person’s convoluted and destructive world. I pity everyone that came before me that also had to deal with this monster. I also pity the new target/victims that are living the huge lie now. One day you WILL be able to separate yourself from them with the truth lighting your way and you will no longer have ANY connection with them.

When you are healthy again and on the road to real recovery THEN and only then can you look inward and create new boundaries, work on issues that may have allowed you to accept abuse, or basically fix the things that need help. This is a process and has no specified time attached to it. BUT and this is important, there has to be an ‘ah ha’ moment when you get it, or actualize the truth and move away from trying to understand the Narcissist or EVER thinking you could get into their head in a manner to help you through your healing process.

You have to accept that they are disordered and turn your thoughts back onto yourself. YOU are what is important here. Your well-being and returning to a healthy lifestyle is a must. You cared WAY too much about this Narcissist and almost gave yourself up to save them and it got you nowhere. They are what they are and will never change. They will never love you or even like you.

They are gone and abusing somebody else and they are not feeling anything as it concerns you. They don’t feel any pain from abuse because they were the abuser. They also don’t feel any withdrawal from love because they never really loved you. They are not feeling any remorse for the damage they have left you with because they are abusive and that is there modus operandi or mode of operation and the environment thst they operate in.

*game over*
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Excellent post! I could not have worded it any better nor could a therapist! Only a true victim could have worded it like you have. Thank You.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-fake-emotions

[tellomon]

 


         

[tellomon]

What harsh truths do you think a narcissist knows yet prefers to ignore?

They know a lot more about their own personality disorder than what they let anyone else know. They can’t let anyone else know, that would spoil the game for them. They wouldn’t be able to do what they do and get away with it. That’s a hard truth to ignore.
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I think there are a great many harsh truths narcissists want to keep out of their field of consciousness.

They worry that if you were to become aware of these seemingly unalterable truths, you may immediately head for the hills.

They try to not contemplate said apparent unalterable realities, for when they do ruminate about them, they begin to wonder whether they have any control over their own lives.

In other words, narcissists observe themselves engaging in the same counterproductive behaviors cycle after cycle.

They are apt to develop a strong sense that they are merely spectators, as opposed to active participants, in their own lives.

A few harsh truths that support the above contentions are as follows.
Narcissists do not want you to know virtually all of their mean-spirited behaviors are tests to discern whether or not you are devoted to them..

Narcissists do not want you to know that every interaction you have with them has nothing to do with love, concern, and caring and has everything to do with trying to exert control, competition, and their insatiable desire to always be “winning.”

Narcissists do not want you to know that that once the Idealization phase ends, the better you treat them, the worse they will inevitably find themselves treating you.
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Abusive: Under all the projections and blame shifting. They know who they are and what they do.

Manipulation: They do have moments of reality, and know the mental mind f*ck they play on their partner.

Lies: They know the image they portray through social media and to others is Fake.

Gaslighting: They know they have such a low sense of self worth they can’t accept fault for anything. And will twist, turn, project you into insanity.

Lay Awake: I imagine they lay awake most nights thinking about how they have mistreated many, in complete selfishness. Only to wake up the next morning and repeat the cycle.

Self Help Books: They know they are reading not for them, but for others. So they can claim superiority and knowledge, when they know they have very little of any self awareness.

Happiness: They know they will never find it in life, or with a partner. In reality it’s sad.

They go through life pretending to be someone they are not while washing it down with alcohol and lying and manipulating anyone in their way.

You think with the list above, it would initiate change, right? One other HARSH TRUTH they ignore, “they don’t care.”
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The brutal truth is that they’re very sick individuals. They are clinically diagnostically mentally ill people who also do not understand why they do the things they do.

They want what we all want. A happy healthy relationship with their best friend and lover. To live out their days in peaceful contentment. To explore life, grow and thrive. To live genuinely and with moral responsibility.

To face challenges and uncertainty with grace. To come out the other end of that intact and stronger and smarter than ever. To love life and the people in their lives through good times and bad. They want that very badly and are envious of those that do.

They’ll have moments in their lives when they will come close and will feel the happiest they've ever felt but it's short-lived. This life is not sustainable for them and they will always self-sabotage. It's inevitable.

They will always hurt the people who loved them the most.

They’re dangerous. They will hurt you. They will find a way and will always hurt you, and will rationalize their actions. It's never their fault. You DESERVED it. YOU hurt them, YOU let them down, YOU deceived them. And they will make you pay.

They’re capable of anything. Domestic Violence, emotional abuse, financial abuse, rape. Child abuse and neglect, sexual harassment, elder abuse, fraud, and blackmail. They will sleep with your friends, your family, steal from you, ruin your reputation and career. Stalk you and damage property. Nothing is above them.

And they will come back over and over when boredom sets in.

The brutal truth is you’ve been conned and are the victim of abuse.

If they’re higher functioning it may take you awhile to see it. The higher functioning narcissists are able to carryout their con so subtly it can go undetected. The abuse is next to impossible to see.

The brutal truth is you need to close the door on that part of your life. Learn from it, educate yourself and find a a really good therapist. Begin the healing today.

No one deserves to be treated this poorly.

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That they’re hollow nothingness hiding behind a mask?

That no-one but them has feelings.

That other people also have rights as a sovereign individual.

If they used their talents in a positive light they would go far in society and be much more positively appreciated. They prefer to dwell in the dark.

That civilised society is possible because of certain, often unspoken, rules of civility and order…… it is not about chaos, confusion and constantly charging through/breaking down those personal barriers and breaking EVERY rule in the book. That’s anti-social behaviour, despite the fact they believe they’re perfect.

That their behaviour is toxic, despicable, undesirable to the point of being diabolical and it’s their personal choice to behave that way.

That they’re spineless and on a negative destructive track in life.

That healthy people dislike them intensely and find it distasteful to be in their presence…… and NO they’re not perfect. They may be perfect specimens of evil, that’s all, nothing positive.

They’re dancing with the devil and will have to pay for it one day.
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All of them.
There is no truth to them.
They will say, do whatever will benefit them.
You are not a consideration.
They will do what makes them happy.
When you no longer fulfill EVERY need, the fault will be yours, you will be ridiculed,
shut out, only to have to wonder what in the world happened?

They will manipulate you into questioning your behavior.
When you do that you will want answers even more, maybe even apologize for what they have done.

This will satisfy the delusion you are nothing, they are everything;
after all, you are still with them so they are great. Get out now.

https://www.quora.com/What-harsh-truths-do-you-think-a-narcissist-knows-yet-prefers-to-ignore

[tellomon]

What is something a narcissist won't see coming?

#1 – How Their Own Behavior Ends Up Hurting Them in The Long Run.

They’re very short sighted in how they behave. They lie all the time. They are very impulsive. They’re always in the moment about how they behave. They’re constantly gaslighting and using parts of truth to sort of manipulate things and talk to people and manipulate situations.

That is why you can use all of that for great leverage and strategies. Their behavior does end up hurting them in the long run. They lie about everything. They lie about even things that are very easily verifiable even things that they don’t need to lie about. They leave a massive path of destruction and people do see that they lie. They don’t see how their behavior ends up hurting them in the long run.

#2 – You Dropping Your Anger.

They expect you to constantly push back because you normally have developed like a dance with them where you are triggered. They like that. You’re conditioned. You take the bait. They get their supply from that, and they are used to that. When you stop taking the bait and you are no longer triggered by them and you are no longer angry they are taken aback by that and they do not see that coming.

They’re not sure what to do with that and they definitely don’t see that coming at all. When you change your behavior, they’re not sure what to do with that. Anytime you change up your behavior and drop your anger, they do not see that coming.

#3 – You Forgiving Them.

That totally stops them in their tracks and, by the way, it is the best thing for you. That’s another whole conversation but I’m telling you that you can get to that point and that’s the best thing for you.

#4 – Healthy Boundaries.

When you are changing the game and you are saying that you are no longer allowing certain things and saying that this is no longer how it is going to look for you and that the way it had been established is no longer the game, they’re not ready for that.

They will not be happy about it but there are certain things that you need to just stop doing and stop thinking that they are going to change and stop thinking things are going to be different and stop going back to them and stop thinking that you’re going to get closure or stop thinking that they’re going to see things in a certain way because that is not ever going to happen. You just have to come to the conclusion that certain things about narcissists are just never going to change and that it is time for you to just move on.

#5 – You Leaving.

For whatever reason, they are under this delusion that you are just going to stay and that you are just going to keep coming back and you’re just going to continue with this craziness. It is definitely the best thing for you to leave.

You leaving, healthy boundaries, forgiveness, no more anger, all of those things are definitely the best things for you but they won’t see any of that coming nor will they see how their behavior hurts them in the long run.
_______________________________

That those they cheat and scam with are using them as much as they are using others! They believe they are superior and above getting conned. I literally watched mine get scammed by several of the whores he was cheating on me with, before and after I left him.

They do NOT LEARN.

They always believe that the next lie, the next scam, the next “true love” is real…and it is ALL a fantasy of BS they concoct to feel superior, special, loved. They are just too stupid to realize that if they want to be truly loved, THEY have to be loving.

What they never see coming, going, or otherwise - it that they are full of sh!t. They are liars. And that they are NOT all that special - and that it WILL all catch up to them some day. Sadly, a lot of innocent people will be destroyed along the way.
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They are brilliant strategists and so whenever their victims discover their evil games, this is not something that they will take lightly.

I think that they are highly intuitive and so when their victim suddenly becomes indifferent, they will realize that the game is over.

And they have to face failure……….. their strategy failed.

May all victims of narcissism face the truth and stop trying to excuse abusive behavior. Abuse gets worse and never better.
____________________________________

Narcissists often have a distorted view of themselves and their relationships, which can lead to certain blind spots. Here are a few things they might not see coming:

Consequences of Their Actions: Narcissists may underestimate the impact of their behavior on others. When their actions lead to significant consequences, such as losing relationships or professional opportunities, they can be caught off guard.

Loss of Control: When others begin to assert their boundaries or stand up to a narcissist, they may be surprised by the pushback. Narcissists often expect compliance and may not anticipate resistance.

Genuine Relationships: The development of authentic connections among people who see through their facade can be unexpected. Narcissists often rely on superficial relationships, so deeper bonds can threaten their control.

Criticism from Unexpected Sources: When someone they respect or rely on offers criticism, it can be shocking. Narcissists typically surround themselves with admirers, so facing criticism from a trusted source can be jarring.

Betrayal by Allies: If someone close to them, such as a friend or partner, decides to expose their behavior or distance themselves, it can be a significant shock. Narcissists often believe they can manipulate their inner circle without consequences.

Emotional Vulnerability: If a narcissist experiences a situation that exposes their own vulnerabilities, such as a significant failure or loss, they may struggle to cope. Their usual defenses may not hold up, leading to unexpected emotional responses.

Understanding these aspects can help in navigating relationships with narcissists, as they often operate under a different set of assumptions about themselves and others.
_________________________________

I think there are three essential things that a narcissist won’t see coming but that can help you so incredibly. Whether they’re narcissistic or just selfish or passive aggressive people, it applies equally I’d say.

1-No more anger: Narcissistic and passive aggressive people tend to thrive on your anger, so STOP giving it to them. Passive aggressive people actually WANT you to get angry because it’s a displacement of their own anger. So do yourself a favor and stop taking the bait. I put a little paper up on my mirror that says “don’t take the bait” and it’s a GOOD reminder.

Life is filled with little things and big things alike to make you angry, to get you to react, to make you lose it. Don’t let the baiters win, don’t give them what they need and want because it only ever hurts you. It hurts you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So #1 is NO MORE ANGER.

2-Forgiveness: I think deep down a narcissist or passive aggressive knows they’re not treating you well, despite the level of denial and delusion, and since they also tend to thrive on your anger, the last thing they expect and perhaps care to have, is your forgiveness.

But here’s the thing, when you forgive them it just sets YOU free, makes YOU more whole, and brings YOU health. For them, they don’t expect it, and they might not care to have it for a long long time, but it matters, and they’ll never expect it.

3-Healthy boundaries: When you’ve found the answers to less anger and forgiveness, this one comes naturally. And one thing a narcissist or passive aggressive will never expect (and will never like) is you establishing healthy boundaries. When you learn to deal with your anger and you learn to forgive you inherently grow as a person and you start to realize your fundamental value, and when you understand your value you realize that you don’t need to allow people to treat you horribly.

You establish basic healthy boundaries, and this takes all of a narcissist’s power away if you can keep those boundaries up. It’s not about building walls to shut out the world or other people, it’s just about recognizing that there’s a line you will no longer allow people to cross in their treatment of you. It also doesn’t require aggression or a mean spirited nature on your part, but simply a calm resolve to protect your sanity, physical health, spirituality, and so on.

I saw when I started taking control of these things in my life, it took control away from the narcissistic and passive aggressive people. It put them on confusing ground while I grew to understand more about myself that I really needed to know. I think sometimes we deal with these people so long that we get into the mindset that they’re the problems in our lives, but would those problems exist if we didn’t have our own problems which allowed us time and again to accept their horrible behavior?

The only one I can change is me, so I might as well give up the ghost of changing him or her, getting revenge on them, making some big poignant statement or point, because those things really don’t work. What works is helping myself, caring about myself, and THAT will always shock a narcissist, because they expect you to always and only care about them.
_____________________________________

Narcissists want to have their way with you, and they don't expect you to resist in any way.

Narcissists will target those things, which give you the utmost excitement or pleasure.

They will target those things you most look forward to, those things which are most important to you, and push you away from those things. Or they will push those things away from you.

Don't let the narcissist see those things which really excite you or please you, those things which are most important to you and bring you joy.

If they are looking, then don't allow them to distinguish things that provide you with high levels of excitement, pleasure, joy, with those things which only provide you with mild or medium levels of excitement, pleasure, joy.

In other words, don't let them distinguish those things which are of moderate levels of importance to you, from your holy grail.

If they must target you, let them shoot in the dark, force them to take a scattered approach.

When the narcissist is scattered, their ability at exerting any leverage or influence over you, is at it's lowest.

Their chances of hitting the target full on, are unlikely.

Narcissists don't like it, when you don't play ball.
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Almost anything. Look, please don’t equate manipulation and deception with intelligence. They aren’t smart, they are manipulative & deceptive. I am confident you get the picture.

That being said, I had a friend who got bit in the knee by a ferret once. They had to take her to the ER with the ferret still attached; pry the ferrets jaws apart with pliers as they were injecting it with a paralytic. What on earth does this have to do with what we are talking about?

Narcissists are like that ferret. They never let anything go. They are vengeful, spiteful & incredibly subtle in their methods of destruction. Me? I don’t need any further narcissistic bite marks. Leave it alone, learn move on. Don’t plan revenge or you’ll end up with lot of scars.
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Covert Narcissists won't see the following coming:

Their long term spouse leaving them.

A main supply discarding them quickly.

An ex making contact with someone they've dated.

Neighbours and acquaintances finding out who they are.
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Narcissists are relentless at pursuing something they want, generally speaking that boils down to “supply”. Maybe that desire to obtain new or better supply is the closest thing to love that they’ll ever experience emotionally, even though it’s nothing like love.

I think what they don’t see coming is that any one person supplying them will never be enough and whatever they had to do, whatever mountains they had to move, whomever they threw under the bus, whatever lies they had to tell, to obtain a source of supply, in a fairly short time of receiving it, it dawns on them…it’s still not enough. And in many cases, the supply they blew up the world to obtain not only becomes something they no longer want, but actually the scapegoat for the fact that the NPD no longer wants them.

They’re so hellbent on getting what they want that I think they don’t see it coming that soon enough they’ll want something else and no longer be interested in what they fought to obtain. They ought to bcuz it’s a pattern they revisit over and over throughout their lives, but I really don’t think they do. I don’t believe their thinking really extends beyond “how can I get what I want RIGHT NOW!?”
_____________________________

What everyone else sees as the obvious inevitability of their behaviour in various situations your average narcissist will be completely oblivious to the repercussions that are lying in wait. The price they pay for having no empathy, selfishness and a complete lack of self awareness. Oh and lets throw in a generous sprinkling of arrogance as icing on the cake.

So when long suffering partner decides ‘I’me off’ they are beyond perplexed and as close to falling apart as is possible. As for coming home on an evening to find partners wardrobe bare with the keys on the kitchen table that really is enough to tip them over the edge. Never mind the abuse, selfishness, belittling and criticism that drove the partner to this decision in the first place. All the narcissist can think is:

‘How could do they do this to me? After all I’ve done for them’.

Then how about the friends that just get pissed off with their unreliability and freeloading ways. Friends don’t hang about as long as partners but still the narcissist will be bemused. All they can think is:

‘They will never find anyone else as popular as me’

Then the boss who has just had enough of the lies, backstabbing and perpetual time off. The narcissist wonders just how they could be treated so badly and then proclaims in their defence:

‘It was me that held that place together’.

Narcissists are a delusional bunch. Always thinking no one can survive without them when their bluff is called they really truly cannot believe it. This lack of preparedness is what sends them doolally as they simply cannot survive out there in the big wide world on their own. Being caught short is unfamiliar and ultimately scary territory.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-something-a-narcissist-wont-see-coming

[tellomon]

Do narcissists play
childish games?

Ron Culley
Just now
Kinda. Narcs play Narc Games. Children play by THE RULES. Narcs don’t.
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Does a bear sh!t in the woods?
_________________________________

They are children. A narcissist at their core is just a selfish, insecure, un-empathetic person who only cares about themselves and making themselves the Center of attention.
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The narc is extremely childish. He throws temper tantrums if he doesn’t get his way or doesn’t get attention. He is spoiled and wants the world handed to him on a silver platter. He is very envious of others and wants what others have and will whine about how unfair it is that those people have more than he does. He pouts and goes silent when he doesn’t get his way.

He interrupts and wants to talk about himself, and if you don’t allow him to interrupt and ignore him, he gets angry and stomps off to his room to play with his phone. He gets angry when you don’t cook the food he likes or you don’t go to the restaurant he likes.

He gets angry if you don’t drop everything you’re doing to run and see what the emergency is, only to find out that he wanted you to see that he figured out how to use a broom and actually sweep the floor or that he’s done something similar. He gets angry if he can’t watch the shows he likes.

He is a child in an adult body.
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Yes. Emotionally, the narcissist responds much like a spoiled child expecting to be the center of attention, receiving his desires without limits.

IMO narcissists are childish about money, sharing within a family and with friends. Even coworkers find the narcissist desires recognition, titles and special privileges. Children naturally enter life with a self centered perspective but, as they develop empathy, learn to give and take, acquire responsibility, the child matures.

While professionals know more about how narcissism develops, the facts are consistently that narcissists do not mature emotionally or empathetically to be in healthy relationships. Somewhere, somehow, they remain self centered and hard hearted toward others so that they are able to use, deceive and discard human beings like lifeless objects supplies they no longer want. Children throwing away toys.
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Yes, daily. Life is all one big game to a narcissist. One they must always be the winners of. The childish douchey Block/Unblock game, and the triangulation games are just two examples of their foolery and nonsense. There are many many more though.
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Their intire life is a social frame laarp.

A game in which they cheat compulsively.

And a game in which they can’t ever lose.

Thus they can never admit defeat, or experience any meaning, because to them there are no stakes as risks are merely exciting.

A delusional sense of omnipotence combined with a complete disconnect with reality and themselves. Winning the game is how they justify their unjustifiable existence. Due to them desecrating everything their super ego holds dear. They can’t mantle their own morality - thus the suffering (abuses & violations) they inflict on others can only ever prove their own existence too themselves temporarily.

They’re in an egoless crisis.

Because they lack “character”, they lack the self.

Because they don’t see themselves as real, they don’t see their victims as real either.

By trying to win life at any cost, they fail life at every opportunity.

By ridding themselves of attachments, they rid their lives of meaning.

By removing their vulnerabilities, they remove their ability too feel.

By subjecting everything else to their existential crisis, they damn themselves to an existence intirely ruled by their own.

They make all the worst choices, play all the nastiest moves, burn all the bridges of possibility. By forcing victory, they forgo virtue.

It’s a zero sum game where they’re fighting reality itself. So thus they are crushed by reality itself.

And the real consequences of their real actions.   

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-play-childish-games

[tellomon]

Do narcissists blame you for all they are doing and that’s why you are the crazy one?

YES!

That’s your lot in life.

Your cross to bare.

YOU are the root of all evil, and the problem.


That’s part of the drill, and part of the deal with a narcissist.

You have to be what’s wrong, so that they’re not.

YOU have to shoulder all of the blame, and you have to be the dumping ground for their negative emotions.

You have to be their personal garbage receptacle.

That’s one of the biggest reasons that narcissists have “partners”.

And here’s a cheat code/hack when it comes to narcissists.

After love bombing, that’s all that you will be.

You have nothing else to look forward to, and there will be no alternative outcome.

And that’s why, no one should ever hitch their wagon to a narcissist.
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Well, they certainly don't see themselves as the crazy one.

I mean, they do know there is something “off” about themselves, but they are skilled at making themselves believe nothing is wrong with them.

It is their mastered art of self deception, where they gaslight themselves into believing whatever narrative suits them most.

No matter how flaky the argument, no matter how absurd, they believe it.
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First of all, we are not the crazy one. They are the crazy ones trying to make us crazy. And yes, they will blame you for everything they are doing thats defined under blame shifting.
______________________________

Yes they do precisely that.

But we are not stupid. Gaslight me once I will accept. Gaslight me twice, now I am starting to think. Third time you do that, sorry but I will know with whom I am dealing with.

Narcissists are the same around the world. So it should not be that difficult for us victims to pin point another narcissist that is trying to make the hit.

Be careful as they can be highly dangerous. Be always on full alert mode.
_____________________________

Yes, unless you cater to their every whim or if you object to something they want, then you are the crazy one. If you get upset with them because of something they did or didn’t do, you are crazy and need psychological help.
____________________________________

That’s called blameshifting.

Followed by gaslighting.

If a person exhibits these behaviors they are someone to completely avoid.

Narcissists have the gall to continue their behaviors even if you call them out on their BS.

With the weaker ones it will cause a narcissistic injury.

The ones higher on the spectrum are hoping you want to challenge them.

They are extremely weak individuals compared to you and THEY know it.

Even if you tell them about their behaviors indirectly they will continue with gaslighting, blameshifing and indirect put downs.

Knowledge is power.

Use it…

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-blame-you-for-all-they-are-doing-and-that-s-why-you-are-the-crazy-one

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

The emotion one should ever feel after being discarded by a narcissist is gratitude and relief.
8 Ways Narcissists Discard (And What It Means For YOU!)

In this video, we explore the different methods that narcissists use to discard their partners, from the silent treatment to gaslighting and smear campaigns. We'll also explore the reasons why narcissists discard, such as a desire for control and a need for new sources of narcissistic supply. If you're wondering why you've been discarded by a narcissist, or you're looking to learn more about this behavior, then this video is for you.

@FallenMonk55
10 months ago
My narcissistic ex would say things like I was her soulmate, and she loved me with all her heart and soul. Then discarded me like last week's newspaper. Emotionally detaching after being treated like I don't exist to her anymore was the biggest challenge of my life....


@kellyramirez2330
6 months ago
I feel so much shame because I even begged him to stay, I completely lost myself to him I felt like I was worthless without him but now I know im not, and I deserve love.


@mikeyjoechicago5818
1 year ago
Who cares how or why they're gone, as long as they're gone. Never to be welcomed back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqLNiLW_8OQ

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists want to hurt us so much? Were they really never in a relationship with us?

They were never in a relationship with you at all.

YOU were in a relationship. They were in business.
________________________________

NEVER!

Not in the way you and I understand a relationship.

Simplistically put, a “relationship” with a narcissist on their end, is transactional and conditional.

I call them a relationshit or a situationship.

There is no true connection or emotional attachment.

The partner is seen as a tool or a commodity. Kind of like a shovel, or crude oil.

A means to get their needs met, nothing more. The reasons they want to hurt us, I could go on for days. There is a plethora of information on Quora as to the why.

But just know, a relationship with a narcissist doesn’t mean what you think it means.

And for that reason alone, they should be avoided at all costs.
__________________________________

It’s just how they're wired. They either lack empathy all together or have very little. They also don’t view their abuse as bad or abusive. As strange as it sounds. They can be in relationships but it’s not the same to them as it is to people without NPD. They only need to be in a relationship to obtain narcissistic supply. That’s it. They cannot love. They cannot care for you. They fake it really well but they don’t feel it. It’s a miserable experience for them and they do feel pain but they are never able to fill the void that they suffer from.

Narcissists are on a constant non-stop quest for more delicious narcissistic supply that is always running out therefore they always need more. So they seek supply everywhere they go from literally anyone that they meet. They will never become attached to you. They are incapable of honest real attachment all they can do is use or abuse. Their entire life. What kills me is due to how their brian is wired they are capable of totally destroying a persons life and then very easily discard that person when they got bored and move onto their next victim.

As time goes by the narcissist does forget their victim ever existed in their life so they get away with their horrific abuse and feel no remorse or regret and soon enough that innocent victim is gone from their memory all together. It’s tragic. It’s sickening. I had a hard time accepting this to be true. But I’ve been researching for a year and I accept the truth now. And I hate it.

The best any of us can do is learn as much as we can to avoid ever getting involved in another Narc relationship ever again. Education is literally everything. It’s the only defense us non-NPD folks have.
_________________________________

That's exactly right, you was in the relationship on your own. Nothing was real. When they made themselves into what they thought you wanted it wasn't real. When they seemed upset or angry about the lies they made up about you, accusing you of cheating for example, they were acting — they knew it was them who was cheating and you were innocent they just wanted attention.

Everything was fake, everything was acting. You can not have a “relationship” with somebody who has NPD.

It's very sad that they have it and will never bond to anyone or know anyone even because they only see themselves. Unfortunately there's nothing that can be done to help them, no therapy or medication. They are stuck like that and they will only ever torment and hurt who ever they are interacting with in their fake relationship. Therefore there's only one thing to do and that's leave them to it.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-want-to-hurt-us-so-much-Were-they-really-never-in-a-relationship-with-us

[tellomon]

News Flash: I got word thru reliable sources that my Narc has flip-flopped on her position in regards to her human violations against me.

Word is she WILL provide Heating for me this winter.

And perhaps a few other refinements.

But that can change in an instant.

Stay tuned for more insane character flaws.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled blog.

[tellomon]

Does a narcissist pick their victim?

Yes. Carefully.

They are both attracted and disgusted by strong and successful people with just a smidgen of self-esteem or family trauma. Attracted because those people are strong and admirable. They elevate you just having them in your orbit - but that’s the rub.

Narcissists hate themselves and protect themselves from that hate by conjuring a larger than life character who is confident and charming. Reality is they hate you because you have all those nice things - empathy, confidence. They don’t have those things, so because they can’t, they need to bring you down a peg or two million. They will slowly and carefully set about addicting you to their charm while they plot ways to encourage you to kill yourself. It really is that bad. If you do find yourself in this situation trust your gut and run!

https://www.quora.com/Does-a-narcissist-pick-their-victim

[tellomon]

3 months facts! New supply knew all about me. He is now cheating on her.
THE NARCISSIST’S NEW SUPPLY—WILL CATCH IT WITHIN 3 MONTHS AFTER THE NARCISSIST BURNS OUT!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN6pkdMyUWc

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists
disgrace someone?

Narcissists have developed the perfect mask.

A complex web of traits and features, designed to make them come across as normal, desirable and, of course, better than you.

They are uniquely special.

But these traits and features; the mask, is artificial.

Narcissists exhaust themselves, constantly, trying to keep the weakly supported artifice in place.

And then you come along, possessing positive traits, but yours are real, genuine –

you are just being yourself.

The fact you can carry yourself in a positive manner, effortlessly at that, because you are being your genuine self, angers the narcissist.

Their subconscious tells them something must be wrong with them, if they can't be normal and positive whilst at ease.

But they cannot accept this thought.

Accepting any truth as to their imperfection, is too painful for them to bear.

And this is why narcissists are always on the offensive, the attack.

Shaming, belittling you, usually in a subtle back-handed manner, before you have the chance to naturally shine and therefore making them feel shameful.

Narcissists want to erase your humanity, so they can feel more normal in their own skin.
_________________________________

Why do they shame you? Just like anyone else’s reasons for shaming someone. Because they want you to appear to be a nasty ugly person and they the victims of your abuse. They will say and do anything to keep the abuse they instilled upon you away from others, especially their new supply.

They want you to appear crazy and abusive so then they can say look see. That’s what I had to deal with. And all the while you are confused and unknowing what is going on wondering “what the he’ll just happened. Where have I been these last few years. Oh my… I have a voice?” Lol that’s how they get new people to believe their sad stories. I do have to say though, the narc I know has 3 assaults in just one county on 3 different women. I’m pretty sure if you can’t read between the lines on that one then you may just deserve him. Lol.
________________________________

As a genuine person, you feel, and you speak up about how you feel. You might also have no problem calling a spade a spade, especially if someone is making you uncomfortable or when you sense that there's something off about a person. But a narcissist will turn around and use your own feelings against you.

They'll call you sensitive for speaking up. They'll remain cold and emotionless, and act like you're somehow unhinged for having feelings and expressing them. They position themselves above you and look at you like you're some kind of out-of-control, helpless child who just can't keep themselves together. They regard you with pity.

It's in this way that they shame you with your own emotions. What you feel, what you observe, and what you speak up about are all personal to you. You have every right to feel what you feel and to speak your truth. But beware, a narcissist will use every last bit of your authenticity against you, to paint you as incapable.

https://www.quora.com/unanswered/Why-do-narcissists-disgrace-someone

[tellomon]

"Worth repeating...."

What do narcissists want to happen to you at the end?

Narcissists want to hurt you in many ways by the end of the relationship. Their goal is to:

Make You Suffer: They want you to feel heartache and pain, making you miserable.

Break Your Spirit: They aim to crush your confidence and self-esteem, leaving you feeling worthless.

Make You Lose Faith in People: By treating you badly, they hope you'll stop trusting others and become isolated.

Cause Your Mental Breakdown: They want to push you to the point where you might have a mental breakdown because of all the stress and manipulation.

Break Your Heart: They aim to shatter your heart into a million pieces, making you feel intense emotional pain.

Hurt You Deeply: They want to cause you more pain than you've ever felt before.

Damage You Beyond Repair: Their goal is to leave you so emotionally and mentally damaged that it's hard for you to recover.

See You Cry: They want to see you cry and feel sad, enjoying the power they have over your emotions.

Hear You Beg: They want you to beg them to stay, giving them a sense of control and power over you.

Make You Feel Unworthy: They aim to make you feel unloved and undeserving of love.

Make You Blame Yourself: They want you to believe that their abusive behavior is your fault, so you feel guilty and confused.

Destroy You Completely: Their ultimate goal is to destroy you emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically.

Make You Lose: They want to see you fail and lose in life, feeling victorious over your downfall.

Be the Cause of Your Downfall: They want to be the reason for your demise, taking satisfaction in the power they had to bring you down.

Narcissists want to leave you broken, hurt, and destroyed. They take pleasure in your suffering and aim to have a lasting negative impact on your life. They seek control, power, and validation by making you feel unworthy and blaming yourself for the abuse. Their ultimate goal is to see you defeated and ensure that they remain the dominant figure in your life, even after the relationship ends.
----------------
A narcissist wants you to be their forever servant/slave/tool unwavering, unquestioning, compliant, faithful with a never ending supply of adoration and love that views them as God almighty. That is all!

If you unmask them to the point it causes public humiliation and you inflicted a narcissistic injury. They may want you to suffer and die. Or just suffer as long as they feel you “deserve" it. Until you “see the light" and denounce your belief in anything and everything and give your whole allegiance to them.
---------------------
There is no end because it’s a cycle of abuse. The narcissist has done everything in their power to make you feel like you don’t exist, and that you are far too unimportant to have any meaning in their life. Actually the opposite is true.

You are far too important for them to let go of. They need you to be there so they can insult you, all over again. You will be their next free meal - their negative supply. After a number of cycles, when you see it for the pattern of abuse that it really is, you dump them, for good. Now, the shoe is on the other foot. You are finally in the driver’s seat. The outrage they display is a dead giveaway of a complete absence of love.

All you see is their disappointment and frustration, because now they have to look for their next source of negative supply. This is when you realize there was never any point in trying to love this individual, that it was only a war of win and lose. The end finally comes when you decide. And the next time they try to hoover you back again looking so nice and friendly you’re not going to be fooled. You will see that it’s just be the beginning of the next endless cycle.
------------------
Well, one of three things depending on which type of narcissist and how your relationship ended.

One wants you to remain a good, sniveling, dependent back up supply. They keep stringing you along in a never ending cycle of hoovering and discarding. I have seen this go on for years. You are being used for sex on the side, a place to run to when the current supply falls through, money, wifi, whatever. If this is you, stop it 🛑. It is just like a drug addiction. It ruins your life. Get help to escape this cycle, at this point you can't do it alone without support. Get. Help.

The second one wants you to go away. You have demonstrated strength and backbone and they want nothing to do with you. You have maybe dealt them a narcissist injury and their ego won't risk another hit. You might hear from them in a narcissist collapse, even years later as they desperately flail about for help. Their behavior will find no sympathy. They don't call back.

The third, is dangerous. You are dealing with a psychopath. A violent malignant narcissist. They are capable of violence, even murder. I have heard of them burning down your house with you in it, sabotage to your car, poison, hiring killers, etc. Narcissist rage can be dangerous because they feel no remorse or compassion.

Bottom line, they don't wish you the best, do they?
-------------------
Sounds extreme, but since they don’t want you, don’t want anyone else to have you either, and have nothing but hate and contempt for you for reminding them that there are people out there who not only have all the qualities that they lack, but actually possess them at a kicked-up level, they’d prefer to see you dead.

That way you, and all your enviable qualities will just cease to exist, and then they don’t have to worry about someone else getting to reap the benefits of what you have to offer, the benefits they themselves wish they could appreciate, but just can’t bring themselves not to resent you for.
---------------
At the end a narcissist wants to break your spirit.

Once they do.

That's when they feel like they are in control.

A narcissist wants you available.

Even when they move on.

They want you to suffer.

A narcissist never wants to be discovered because of these facts!.

So, a narcissist will gaslight you.

A narcissist will destroy your reputation.

Be prepared for future relationships sabotaged by the narcissist

They don’t want you.

The narcissist doesn't want anyone to want you!!

But you are wanted.

That's why the narcissist wants you to be they're end game.

The narcissist thinks that you are property!

This is how evil the narcissist is at the end!

https://risingabovenarcissism.quora.com/What-do-narcissists-want-to-happen-to-you-at-the-end

[tellomon]

Why does my narcissist never believe me?

My guess is that’s because they believe everyone behaves and reacts in the exact same manner as they do. They won’t believe what you say, probably because they already believe that you won’t believe what they say either. It’s a no-win situation of course, but it’s also one more reason why I simply cannot association with such people either…it’s just too much work.
__________________________________

This is crazy, right?

We're the ones telling the truth, they're the pathological liars, yet they believe nothing we say.

Here’s why in my opinion:

Because they lie constantly, they assume their partner is also lying!!!

They know what kind of shite they do behind our backs, and even in front of us.

Because they know they aren't worthy of truths, (honesty), and because they constantly lie, they think everyone else is a liar too.
__________________________

Because it keeps us apologizing. It's another way of controlling a situation. They know that you are right and genuinely sorry, but it's their way of punishing you.

I can remember that i used to apologize constantly for stuff that my ex wife did. Welcome to abuse ….

They don't want to improve the situation. They want control.
_________________________________

Because they're untrustworthy. They lie, about anything and everything. My N-parents would constantly tell me how much they hate liars, and my N-mother would sneer at me “how can I trust you? You're probably lying right now. I'm going to watch you like a hawk.” They project their bad traits onto their children, especially the scapegoat. They accused me of lying and not being trustworthy because they're liars and can't be trusted.
_____________________________

The aim is to make it seem like you are emotionally unstable until they have actually broken you down enough that you are … When you seem unstable and crazy … it becomes easier for them to manipulate you and damage your reputation with others…

The end game is to be able to discard you for a fresh source with the mantle of a victorious victim with one or more willing victims ready to become their new source.

They might actually believe you and hate you for it… if this is the case they will become aggerated and proclaim your truth as lies with even more conviction.
________________________________

When you are dealing with a narcissist, they are looking at you as though you are only trying to convince them of something as they do other people. They are not seeing what you are telling them as the truth because it does not match up to what they would be seeing or thinking in your situation. You have someone that is only seeing things from their perspective. This is where the grandiosity is the paranoid personality disorder and the worlds best actor has all the information that you do not. They are seeing it as believing you would make about as much sense as believing what they are saying to you or other people.

This person is factoring in their views of the situation plus how they are seeing you as someone that is taking things too far. This is someone that would expect you to be lying. It really depends on what it is specifically that you are talking about. This is causing for the person to doubt your ability to know what the truth actually is. They tend to believe that someone is imagining things and this is not the most comfortable situation to be in.

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-my-narcissist-never-believe-me

[tellomon]

Why It’s So Difficult To Communicate With A Narcissist?

Because of their personality structure and relational paradigm, a narcissist makes communicating with them feel like a treacherous, uphill climb — or even downright impossible.

In a personal relationship, healthy communication involves the following elements:

Open-Heartedness: When speaking with someone, you should welcome their emotional experience into your heart, empathising with and truly absorbing the experience they are conveying through their words.

Shared Humanity: Through channeling empathy and allowing space for the other person to express authentically, you find opportunities to share in their humanity. Good communication involves deep attention paired with emotional attunement. Sometimes it involves simply sitting with the other person’s heavy emotions for a moment. Other times it means taking delight in the other person’s experience and being happy for them without needing validation.

Mutuality: Nobody dominates the floor. Each person is afforded the emotional space and attention to share, yet possesses the emotional intelligence to know when to stop and invite the other person to contribute. Ultimately, this achieves far more than balancing who gets to speak. By allowing the other person to contribute, your perspective is enriched, which awakens new insights and ideas, which then feeds into the other person when their turn comes. This form of synergy spirals upwards, creating a bountiful exchange which evolves each person’s way of thinking, widens their perspective, and enriches their soul.

Clarity of Intention: Healthy communication comes without hidden agendas. There is no subtext. Both parties are clear on why they are communicating. Above all, the communication must serve both parties, not just one. For example, the communication can be about resolving a conflict, debating or exploring a philosophical idea, deepening the bond or simply passing time. Regardless of the intention, clarity and integrity is key.

Now let’s look at these four elements when communicating with a narcissist:

Open-Heartedness: A narcissist’s heart is shut tight. Whenever you try to express an emotional experience to them, that tightness grows unbearable. The narcissist’s soul is saturated with trauma, and the more emotional resonance you ask of them, the more discomfort they experience. The narcissist usually responds by interrupting you and swiftly turning the attention back onto themselves. Otherwise, they dismiss, ridicule or downplay what you are saying, aiming to sabotage and short-circuit the emotional depth of your communication.

Shared Humanity: Humanity threatens the narcissist’s ego, as it forces them to sink into their body and soul, which is where their trauma lies. The narcissist does seek out common threads between you both, however, this is purely a jump-off point for them to switch the focus of the conversation back onto them. For example, if you express that you had a difficult day at work, rather than attuning to your emotions and providing you space, the narcissist might nod and abruptly declare how it has been a terrible week for them also, and then carry on from there, leaving you hanging and blocked in your expression as shame washes over you.

Mutuality: A conversation with a narcissist is always lopsided. A narcissist will typically avoid the need for open-heartedness by engaging you in a monologue. A narcissist may also attack you with a machine-gun-level assault of words, forcing you to listen intently while trying to squeeze in your contribution. If you manage to wrestle back the stage, the narcissist will pay close attention, but only to find a gap where they can wrestle the control back.

Clarity of Intention: A narcissist’s default intention is to gain narcissistic supply. They will entertain your intention to exchange ideas, deepen the bond or resolve conflict, but this is pure theatre. The narcissist looks only to lure you into providing them with adulation and emotional energy, without them having to give much in return. This mismatch in intention is what makes a communication with a narcissist feel frustrating and ‘off’. Often you walk away from a conversation with a narcissist with an uneasy sense of sadness and betrayal. Of having been used.

Furthermore, a narcissist may be undergoing some form of emotional pain. Perhaps they have been triggered by someone or something, are having a bad day, or feels offended by something you did. In this case, the intention behind their communication may be either to punish you, or to covertly syphon their negative emotions into you. In this case, they will use subtext to achieve their goal.

The narcissist’s false self is the gatekeeper of their empty soul, controlling what gets in and what doesn’t. Gripped by repressed childhood trauma, the narcissist is forever vigilant, scanning for any hint of you creating authentic feelings in them, which might expose them to their vulnerability.

Instead, the narcissist analyses and categorises all communication to ensure it is sanitised and limited while providing jump-off points for them to hijack the interaction, before weaponizing their words to syphon narcissistic supply from you.

https://jhsimon.substack.com/p/why-its-so-difficult-to-communicate?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=2149701&post_id=148438947&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=2cvtjz&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email

[tellomon]

What is the best way to deal with a covert narcissist?

Keep everything to yourself. Do not divulge any personal information. Lie about your life and tell them you're having a difficult time. Be completely vague.

Act like you're a failure. Act sad. When you act this way they won't try their manipulations on you as much. You feeling bad makes them feel good and like they don't have to make you feel bad because you already do. Remember this, narcissists feel much better when you feel bad.

Agree with all the terrible things they say about others. This makes them feel you are on their side. This will keep them from triangulating you with other people.

Be completely stoic. Never react emotionally to anything they say, NOT EVER.

If they devalue you or belittle you just make believe like you never heard them say anything. Never directly confront a narcissist and especially a covert narcissist. If you directly confront one of these people they will put you in an early grave.

Do not bring up the news or a negative topic. If you do they will grab onto this like it's a nugget of gold. Then they'll get you and the rest of the group emotionally entwined and make everybody upset in the process. They love to watch you get emotionally involved in trivial things. It gives them a sense of absolute power. And if somebody else brings up the news or another topic, just listen and don't say anything. Or of course if they directly ask you just agree with them on everything they say.

Do not put up boundaries. If you hear somebody tell you that you need to put up boundaries with the narcissist they don't really have much experience with narcissists. If you have to deal with one you deal with one in a way that is completely indirect. The time you put up boundaries is if you noticed that the person is a covert narcissist and then you can completely avoid them if at all possible. Never ever directly talk to a narcissist about issues you have with them as they will make sure to destroy you. And this makes no difference if you’re family, husband, wife, relative..etc.

The absolute best way to deal with a covert narcissist is to not deal with them at all.

You spot them and then you know how to act around them if you absolutely have to be around this person.

And then you make sure that you keep them at an arm's distance or completely out of your life if at all possible.

Remember, the best way to deal with the narcissist is to cut them out of your life.

There's nothing you can do or say that's going to make any difference.
_______________________________

I also have to put up with the antics of a covert. In short there is NO dealing with a covert. The believe they are entitled, and don’t even discuss the word ‘fair’, they have no knowledge of the concept. Fair is what they want, you are only an annoyance.

In all stages of a relationship , business or personal, your only way of protecting yourself is to keep information. Keep emails, messages, pictures, even video. Document, document, document. Assume every aspect may be decided by a judge.

They are the perpetual victim. You will be the abuser. That is a fact! Picture yourself lying on the ground, them with their foot on your head claiming you are abusing their foot by trying to get up.

You have to be able to prove every claim you make. Undeniable proof. They will not accept it, but someone in authority ( judge, boss, friend) will have to.

Oh and they will try to justify or deny your proof actually happened, even though it might be that indisputable. Their self defense is to be/play the victim, that is what they do.

And watch out for their ‘flying monkey’s’ ( friends, family, followers that will do the coverts dirty work for them, so they can remain that innocent victim) Coverts always seem to have a flock around somewhere.

Good luck, you're going to need it.
_______________________________

There is no best way to live with a covert narcissist. There is no best way to live with any narcissist.

If you don’t mind becoming a shadow of your former self, being dismissed, diminished, marginalized, abused, ignored, mistreated, demeaned, devalued, confused, unloved, unappreciated, and used in every way the narcissist can conceive of, then you will be able to exist with them.

However, it won’t be living…not by a long shot.

They will constantly be vying for the upper hand in everything. They will maneuver and scheme to gain control and dominate you. They will do this at your expense. You will always be paying and they will always be stealing something of great value to you (your identity, your career, your time, your talents, your relationships, etc.) and from you in order to maintain any kind of relationship with them.

A narcissist really doesn’t care what it costs you to be in a relationship with them. They don’t even care if it costs you your life.

It’s just not worth the effort and investment. You will come up on the short end of the stick and leave with less than what you started with.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-way-to-deal-with-a-covert-narcissist

[tellomon]

How should you react to a covert narcissist’s attempt to devalue you?

Depending on what the criticism is, one of the facet’s of grey rock can be just to agree with their criticism and then keep being you, which is quite effectively indicating you couldn’t care less about what they think of you. However, don’t stick around; kick that evil less than sh!t to the curb.
___________________________________

Don’t own it when they start to devalue, Don’t make it real for them by defending yourself. A lot of what you are being devalued for are traits the narcissist has but they are attempting to transfer and externalize it by placing it on you.

Don’t own it. Whether your are being subjected to projection or the narcissist has just found something that he or she uses against you that assures them of a emotional response Don’t waste your time defending your self. Do not get emotional.

When the devaluing starts, stay calm don’t let the narcissist fluster you. For one thing they can feed off your emotional responses and feel superior for screwing with your emotions with their words. So Stay grey rock, no show of emotion.

Send it back to them with statements like “You must truly believe that about me, And I and ok with that.” or “Believe what you want about me you are entitled to your opinion, it does not affect me.” and “You paint me to be such a bad person we will just have to agree to disagree I really have no reaction to you statements.”

Arguing, defending yourself, getting upset just plays into their hand. As soon as you get emotional they get what they wanted. Getting upset gives them a win.

Get emotional you own it. Defend yourself you own it. Don’t own it.
__________________________________

Short answer: You shouldn’t. They are looking for a reaction. Don’t give it to them. Walk away, both literally and figuratively. Giving them a reaction is feeding their narcissistic supply. Walk away from their manipulations, then do yourself the ultimate favor by walking away from them for good. You won’t regret doing it, but you sure as hell WILL regret not doing it!
_______________________________

Reacting to a covert narcissist’s attempts to devalue you can be challenging. Here are some strategies to consider:

Stay Calm and Composed: Maintain your emotional control. Covert narcissists often thrive on emotional reactions, so staying calm can diminish their power.

Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviors you will and will not tolerate. Communicate these boundaries assertively, and stick to them.

Don’t Take It Personally: Understand that their devaluation is more about their insecurities than your worth. Remind yourself of your value and self-worth.

Limit Engagement: If possible, reduce your interactions with the covert narcissist. This can help minimize their influence on your emotional state.

Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends or a therapist about your experiences. They can provide validation and help you process your feelings.

Document Incidents: Keeping a record of their behavior can help you recognize patterns and validate your experiences, especially if you need to confront them or seek external help.

Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem and mental health. Surround yourself with positive influences and nurturing relationships.

Consider Professional Help: If the situation becomes overwhelming, consulting a mental health professional can provide you with strategies tailored to your specific circumstances.

By focusing on your well-being and maintaining your boundaries, you can protect yourself from the negative impacts of a covert narcissist’s behavior.

https://www.quora.com/How-should-you-react-to-a-covert-narcissist-s-attempt-to-devalue-you

[tellomon]

What will happen when you call a covert narcissist out?

You waste more of your time talking to a wretched being, who will never reach their full potential, or anywhere near it.

Instead, this creature will live a miserable, grasping, hateful little life,
always fixated on what other people have,and what they don't.

There's no room for truth, beauty, humility, awe, or any of the emotions that make life worthy of living, there's no time in their mean spirited existence to achieve anything lasting of any value (they're great at starting wars though).

But you, you can live a worthy life, a deep life, where you live fully, honestly, and completely. You can experience real and profound emotions, instead of faking all the time just so that you get your way.

You'd do better talking to yourself instead. Here's a good conversation starter —

Why am I so desperate to have a deep conversation with someone incredibly superficial?
_____________________________

They will make your life hell. They will have a meltdown if you unmask them in the presence of someone else.

They are experts at turning the tables and suddenly they are the victim. That puts you in the abuser's position.

The covert narcissist will go on about their task of ruining you and your reputation. They make up lies, stories, and every crazy thing they can think of to win attention and sympathy for themselves while making you out the villain #1. They will accuse you of causing all the ills in their life. Of causing them so much emotional upset and pain.

They will accuse you of saying and doing things to them that exists only in their head. Separating you from your family and loved ones is one of their favorite tactics. By isolating you from your loved ones their lies go on and people are manipulated against you.

Finally, they will toss you to the curb. Their motive all along is to cause you pain and anguish. Mission accomplished.

They may try to win you back. Don’t be fooled. A covert narcissist only gets worse with time.
__________________________

You should hide.... The covert narcissist is a vindictive, horrible person who will blacken your name thoroughly to anyone and everyone. They will make completely sure that nobody believes anything you say by telling everyone the worst things about you....

Anything horrible you heard from them about previous partners, that is now what they say about you. They will play the victim BIG TIME.... No point fighting it.. those who know you will know it's not true, those who know them for being the perfect human being they show the outside world, will, I'm afraid, believe them ... Just leave them to it.
_________________________________

Oh boy!

You're getting the courage to stand up against the one behind the mask. It seems like you see right through all the magic plus the razzle dazzle huh. Well, there's two things that are going to happen, yet requires strength from within to survive.

These two weapons are used like the backup gun in the narcs pocket. They have been successful in the past, but you can't be the checkmark of the next success. You ready?

Silent treatment: Now this happens after you confront the narc or call them out. You didn't submit or bend to their words like you used to. You said somethings that truly hurt their image and you're showing your no longer impressed. It seems to me that you don't feel the same about them and they annoy you actually.

So, after you have this huge clash. “You think I did it! I really called them out and shattered the b.s image!” while in your victory the wounded narc will glare and withdraw themselves. Not because they lost but to recover for their return. Now this is the “silent treatment” In in which will feel like a dry spell.

You won't get the usual texts or hoovering; you may get one final one. Then after that it will get so quiet, too quiet. Yet don't fret this is part of the narcs game to break you! They think by them withdrawing themselves your life is going to suck. even though you have been the greatest thing to them they will try to reflect that. They already have a low expectation of you and see that your love is because of them.

You love them because you know they're the grand prize. Honey, listen you're the grand prize but they don't want you to know that. Why? Without you they would be a “dust ball” in the wind or just “forgotten trash.”

Why do they use it? :(This is to break you and make you reach out to them. Begging for them to forgive you and you can help nurse their ego back to health. Running to them and telling them how awful it was without them. NOPE! IDC if your body is craving them like hunger, don't submit to them! Don't inflate those hot air balloons. Once you do, they will get worse and worse! Anything that comes in your mind even if thinking they're fooling around.

That is what the narc wants you to think, anything to make you emotionally reactive. They want you to be emotional and weak so they can make a mess out of you. They see you are a strong person, and they envy that. SO, they withdraw themselves to hurt you and make you feel their absence. This is where strength comes in! Because you have to fight fire with fire and say NO NOT ANYMORE! Think of you playing” stare contest with the narc.” Who's going to blink?

Smear campaign: No matter how good you were to them you're not good anymore once you take a stand. Yet if you call them out, they have to have some type of reason why you did this. even though your reasoning may be different, but they will spin it. Spin it for their little dummy supporters to not scowl and question them.

They will run your name down and the dirt and may even call you crazy. Playing you as this “Stupid lovesick puppy” never mentioning the damage they done. Acting as if they cut you off! They're going to make it seem they're this poor victim who fell for a toxic person. Now you have to be strong here because you may get feedback or hear it direct. Don't respond nor look for a fight, you can stand if approached. Defend your ground but don't keep at it, that can backfire on you. After this you be silent, then eventually the narc will look like a liar.

How to beat them at their game?: SILENCE! Once you grow quiet there’s no wood adding to the fire! Soon his followers may be like “Hey? Are you sure you were as great as you are?” Why isn't she begging for you?” “Are you sure she called you 200 times day…she's awfully quiet?” your silence will make them sweat. They may play along and try to mimic you but soon that act will crack! Remember, they're masters at reflecting and mirroring, so why not!?”

You have to be strong because there will be those who will pick sides. Even those who you favor or have greater ties with might side with the narc. You cannot crack or try to state your case, let them be..sooner or later they're going to see.

I hope this helps and Good for you for calling the narc out! I'm so proud of you! Stay strong!

-May the odds forever be in your favor

https://www.quora.com/What-will-happen-when-you-call-a-covert-narcissist-out

[tellomon]

Do narcissists like to
think they can scare you?

Yes they do. They take you for granted. They think you'll always be there but you're not going to be there. The problem is you will become numb to it. To them. You'll grow indifferent. You'll get so used to worrying that you'll end up worrying yourself right out of the situation. They just don't seem to care. And they don't. You'll have to soothe yourself. You may need to walk away from him or her. Forever.
________________________________

Yes and you should be scared. A human being with no empathy is the scariest creature on the planet. How far will they go? That’s to be determined. What are they capable of? Anything that they can get away with.
______________________________

Absolutely they love your anxiety and worry. If you have anxieties about something going wrong, they will damn sure make it go wrong if it doesn’t affect them, whatever you ask them not to do, they will do it. I always remember my ex Narc telling me that he was £50000 in debt and it could affect our home, I was absolutely shocked and I fell to my knees sobbing, he stood over me for a while, then he said he was only joking, he laughed and said that it was hilarious watching me on my knees. Who does that to someone they care about? Well they don’t care, the more pain and heartache they can cause you, the happier they are.
_______________________________

Fear is always part of the relationship. The narcissist knows the precise recipe how to create fear. And put it into you.

The cunningness of the narcissist is preternatural. When I look back at my relationship with the narcissist, I know that I feared him. Especially during the rage episodes.

Something inside used to tell me, beware this person has no self control. They also have a talent how to make you feel you are walking on eggshells as each minute you may risk a devaluation or a rage.

Today that I know that they are linked to the prince of darkness, I cannot blame any victim for being hooked to these evil people. None of us had any awareness of their deal with the devil.

And they act so very brilliantly that their acting can easily be taken as the truth.

So if you were a victim to these evil people, do not be hard on yourself. Every single human being can fall for a narcissist. Yes narcissists are that good at duping anyone. Especially the more intelligent ones who are so covert in their abusive ways.
_____________________________

Everything with a narcissist is purposeful. They are master manipulators and total control freaks. The best way to control people is by preying upon their insecurities and finding subtle ways to wither away their self-esteem. The longer you remain in a narcissist’s grasp, the more this becomes your normal and you find yourself unable to escape. They make you dependent upon them.
_____________________________

Everything they do is on purpose. So making you worry is just another way to manipulate. They need a reaction. Period. Any reaction will do as long as it's on their command. Happiness, sadness, anger, worry, they don't care which one. Spin the wheel and whatever it lands on will be the flavor of the day.

Some days they will let you be happy. Most days they won't. But no matter what the wheel lands on please know that they do this on purpose and are in full control of their facilities. They know exactly what they're doing to you.
___________________________

They love controlling your emotion with words. It makes them feel important. Also makes them feel superior to you. You probably picked up on that.

Yes it empowers them knowing you are thinking about them. In positive and negative ways, it's all good, love them or hate them as long as they're the focus of your attention.

Your worried so what? It does not bother them to cause you pain and anguish. Might even be their goal. Prolly is.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-like-to-think-they-can-scare-you

[tellomon]

Why are narcissists telling
lies all the time?

I´ll list some narcissist truths, and check your reaction, then you´ll see why they lie.

I will never love you. I will say I do, and, only at the beginning, act like it- but it won't last, and as soon as you commit to me I will remove my mask of niceness and start treating you badly.

I will cheat on you, on a scale you'll find astounding.

I will eventually control everything you do and say, everything you wear, and how you look. If you defy me, I will punish you.

I will isolate you from your family and friends, and keep you short of money, so you have nowhere to go when I start to abuse you.

I will destroy your self esteem, so that your escape is less likely- eventually you will be terrified to leave me.

No one will believe that I abuse you, because I will keep my mask on with everyone else- only you will see the real nasty, me.

Please accept that you will be my punchbag for all my disappointments and frustrations and those will be many, because I am not nearly as clever or successful or ambitious as I have made you think.

Now do you see it? If they told them this at the commencement of the relationship, their prospective partners would run a mile.

So they lie, and use a whole bag of tricks to confuse and upset, so that it takes a long time to work out that something is very wrong.

That is why everyone should read about narcissism. Then they can look out for the lies, and spot the tricks, and get away before the real damage is done.
_____________________________

They know they are lying. What ever displays them in the best possible light will be said. Blame will be shifted, faults hidden, cars will get better gas mileage, fish will be bigger and on and on.

It's nice when you get one that can keep track of their lies so you don't have to call them on it and listen to them lie again and deny it over and over.

I will taint this answer with a additional paragraph and contradict myself, as a example of cognitive dissonance, two separate thoughts or beliefs that contradict each other. Now the narcissists have to remain pure as the driven snow, any mar in that perfection and there is only one option for them, black as coal. Let me explain simply, all good or all bad, all white or all black, no shades of grey, full of themselves or swimming in self hate and loathing.

There’s a sh!t load of stuff all wrong with that.

The truth is they lie to themselves and believe it. They can say something else that contradicts that in five minutes and believe that. It’s the only way the twisted up ball full of conflicting ever changing enigmas wrapped in parodies forever changing to try to maintain as much equilibrium as they can manage.

Now lets try to get some consistency and end these inconsistent statements. Some of their self believed lies will boil out, can’t be helped. But when you catch him or her with their hands up to their elbow in somebody else’s panties or briefs, and they try to convince you your seeing things, they know they are being deceptive.

Before you jump up and point out hey, their lying and they know they are lying how come they are not turning coal black? They can grease up a battleship and pass it thru so this ones easy. They are entitled to lie to get what they want, so it’s not a flaw.
___________________________

Yes, they lie about lying too. They lie to themselves - self-denial, they lie to others to shift blame, to get what they want or to continue wearing a false mask.

There is no way they can keep that idealised perfect image of themselves in their heads without lying.

The tricky part is they will bend over backwards to play the victim and have a thousand sob stories, they are willing to use their vulnerabilities to Illicit your empathy so they get what they want, what else.

Even if it’s based on the truth, they refuse to take responsibility for their lives or at least contain their resentment and hatred to the people who did them harm not others. No, they think the entire world owes them now, to compensate for the few legitimate people who harmed them, they now need the whole world to bend over backwards to provide special treatment no one else gets. As they abuse more people down the line.

The thing is their willingness to use sacred stories of precious vulnerabilities close to our hearts, stories we would never abuse to elicit empathy but share as a genuine way to connect, advocate or educate, takes a narcissistic twist.

It’s jarring, it’s sad, it’s disgusting and it’s knowing and sickening.

It’s as equally jarring that people believe them, people believe they are merely comfortable with their vulnerabilities which is a good thing in general or they are so disordered, they cannot conceive any plans when their plans are so long reaching and diabolic, it will hit you like a ton of bricks when you know.

There are covert narcissists who play the victim, chronic victim mentality, always self-pity. I’m trying so hard, it’s really so tough. Who the hell isn’t trying so hard? It’s real that it’s tough to them, the twist is it’s tough because they have an inflated sense of self, grandiose thinking and huge egos so it’s tough for them because they deserve so much more than others so it’s magnified in their heads, the suffering.

The thing is when they express it, they really believe it. They really do, that’s because they deserve much much more than you or anyone else. Not because they really had it worse than you.

While you’re empathising with them, they are busy empathising with themselves. You do not exist.
___________________________

Wow. Feeling serious deja vu here, being visited by the Ghost of Disordered Person Past.

I heard this exact same projection/ accusation. The disordered person deflects and flings off anything that is the most damaged part of themselves onto you. They try to make you the embodiment of everything wrong with them. Then, after that, they discard you because they cannot stand their own reflection staring back at them.
___________________________

To Narcissists, Lying Is A Necessity. Here are some reasons why they lie:

1. They lie in order to make you feel something.

All of it is around manipulation. When they want to make you feel something, it's so that they can make you do something, believe something, and they can have their way. They can keep you pumping them up.

So, a lot of different things that a narcissist wants you to feel at different times: they want you to feel like they are amazing, they want you to feel stupid, they want you to feel less than, they want you to feel scared of them, they want you to feel bullied, they want you to sometimes feel loved and special—all of that. Then, they want you to trust them. They want to make you feel something, so they lie constantly to do that. They are creating this control of your emotions, in essence.

2. They want you to do something.

With all of that feeling that they've created, they then want you to do something with that. They want you to do whatever they want you to do. They want you to feel scared, they want you to feel sorry for them, they want you to then take all that emotion and placate them, entertain them, puff up their ego, or make them feel better when they feel down.

They want you to literally lie for them, go to bat for them—lots of different things. It's all around manipulation, puffing them up, taking care of them, and not needing anything for yourself.

3. They also want you to buy into their creation of their image.

This is really interesting—they lie throughout their lives in different ways to create different images for different people. They want to create a certain image for you, but then they also create a completely different image out in the world. They might have one image at work, one image at the social club, one image online, and another image with other people.

When you meet somebody, that's why I always say get to know them in different settings with different people who have known them throughout their lives or in different ways so that you have a broad perspective on who they are and what they're about. They can't keep all these lies going in different settings. When you see a person who doesn't have a consistent sense of self across settings, you know there's a problem.

https://www.quora.com/unanswered/Why-are-narcissists-telling-lies-all-the-time-Are-they-aware-of-their-lies-or-is-it-a-part-of-their-delusional-way-of-growing-up

[tellomon]

Narcissists Believe They Are The Victim


@ronaldculley
2 months ago
Damaged goods.

https://www.youtube.com/live/4bIJmEC-zHA?t=541s

[tellomon]

Why so many victims of narcissistic abuse commit suicide?

Because they make their victim seriously want to die (from all the abuse and mind f*cking). They are Pure Evil/ Demonic. The victim feels like they are worthless and of no good to anyone (what they've been told by the narc) They feel death couldn't be any worse than it is right now.
________________________________

Cognitive dissonance

Having someone so close as a friend and lover one day and being discarded the next is worse than experiencing a death.

The pain upon realizing that all of the love was fake is too much to handle.

Having to shoulder the blame for the failed relationship while the narc acts as the victim is too much.
________________________________

Narcs are the worst abusers. Their numerous mind twisting games and tactics are to the extreme. If a victim does not know that the person she/he is being abused by has NPD, she may tend to blame herself and suffer from poor self esteem. The victim doesn’t know that the person (NPD) created a false self that will drive her crazy.

These unaware victims can blame themselves, as the NPD tries to convince the victim that they are the ones to blame for everything. Narcs also gaslight in order to try and make their victim question their own reality.

Even when victims have figured out that they are entangled with an NPD, many will suffer a lot of disbelief, confusion, depression, anxiety, PTSD, anger, resentment, etc. Victims can get hooked to the narc through trauma bonds. It is like getting hooked on drugs. They can have a lot of cognitive dissonance about the relationship.

Their logical mind tells them one thing and their heart tells them another. This causes a lot of internal confusion. It Is extremely hard to leave NPD abusers. That makes a victim feel even more distress, as they feel embarrassed and weak for not leaving. They don’t know why they can’t just leave.

Victims can’t wrap their heads around the idea that they got themselves into this, and they can’t believe how the narc could dish out such insane abuse and behaviors to the smartest, strongest, nicest person. How could the Narc be crazy about you for a short time, then they bully you, control you, and create unnecessary conflicts on purpose, and when they are done with you, they leave or you leave them.

It is so unbelievable. Narcs try to destroy people in every way, and they use up the victims resources. After all of this, they have no remorse, Some narcs rage like a devil for hours. They hold innocent people as prisoners of their disorder. They often blackmail people into staying with them. Narcs falsely blame others for their dirty deeds. This is enough to send some victims over the edge. Many victims/survivors suffer from emotional, psychological and physical problems due to the NPD/s in their life.

For me personally, I have mainly dealt with a lot of cognitive dissonance. I have not suffered from depression, PTSD, anxiety, etc. because I am a very strong person with a strong self esteem, and self awareness.

I always knew that the problems were within my NPD partners all along, even before I started doing all of my intense research on what was going on and my discovery that they had NPD. My research started 3 months after I started dating Narc #2. I have been with 3, for a total of 10 years.

I have often thought, if I wasn’t the person I am, I don’t think that I could have endured all of this. What happens to those who are not as self aware, or unaware of NPD, or who are not strong enough to take all of this? I understand how defeated a person can feel. I understand how isolated and lonely they feel.

I understand the injustice they suffered. Victims feel very alone within the NPD relationship, as well as for a long time after the relationship has ended. I understand how the victim can feel like they have been fooled and trapped. I understand the fear of meeting another NPD and falling for them. Many victims go through this more than one time. The victim is so stripped down by the perpetrator/s that she feels as if her life may never be normal again.

At some point, victims come to realize that because they have good traits that predators seek, that they will need to be on guard, put up stronger boundaries, be more vigilant in looking for NPD traits in people they meet, etc., in order to avoid being ensnared again in the future.
_____________________________

If a person has spent their life(from birth forward) in any number of relationships of this type and at some point has a breakthrough or realization that this has been their life’s history, the potential becomes heightened. If the breakthrough/realization occurs late in life and repeated attempts to extract themselves from the abusive relationship(s) fail, I can see hopelessness and despair taking hold and that option of escape becoming a reality.
______________________________

To my mind, a victim of narcissistic abuse has the following options:

1) Exit the relationship - please act like a statue and allow the grand narcy the honor to discard you to avoid narcissistic injury.

2) The narcissist makes the final discard.

3) Finish in a mental institution.

4) Suicide.

All four consequences are gross, especially 3 and 4. The healthiest option is 1 but I fully understand that a victim may not have the willpower to exit the relationship.

The final discard is gross when considering that despite the fact that the victim would be ready to appease the abuser, but still gets discarded. This automatically triggers a trauma in the human being but we need to understand that many a time we may adore someone but that someone may not want us in his life.

I have read many a story here on Quora and many relate to victims finishing with mental problems or resort to suicide.

If you stop and think, it is actually the narcissist that should finish in a mental institution or commit suicide, and not the once healthy victims. Because they are ultimately not mentally stable and full of rage.

Why resort to suicide?

If the victim is completely isolated from her own family and so feels completely alone - what are her thoughts when there is no help from anywhere? Are help line attendants well trained to understand narcissistic abuse?

If the narcissist is obsessed with destroying you, should we be surprised that the victim has suicidal thoughts? This obsession may last years not months!

At times narcissists are so insidious that they convince others to hit at you too concurrently. So the poor victim does not in fact have to deal with one enemy at a time but various different ones at the same time. This to any normal human being can cause too much stress.

The children of narcissists, in my opinion are given too much of a disadvantage in life.
 
This is much worse than coming into this world as an orphan. They faced the ultimate betrayal.

Adopted children - yes of course the narcissist - especially females adopt even children to use and abuse. I hope the authorities address this issue.

Not everyone has a strong character. Not everyone is capable of saying no more, you moron!

Some may be too trauma bonded to do anything about their situation. Here I recall the mass suicides inside cults.

Conclusion: Yes there are too many suicide victims due to narcissistic abuse simply because narcissists know exactly how and when they should lead a victim to desperation.

Because that was the main aim at the beginning of the day. Their inner toxicity is transferred to us normal human beings and because they took our healthy emotions, it is very easy to give up on life when we are subjected to their abuse, sometimes lasting years.
______________________________

We are scared of ghosts but in reality, as soon as you encounter a narcissist, you realise the ghost is among us only and they have been among us the whole time. Messed up human beings make this world hard to survive.

They make you feel useless and unworthy which can make you think that something is wrong with you. All these traumas make you feel helpless and leads to taking up your own life. You lose your hopes and dreams. All you feel is darkness and sadness all around.

https://www.quora.com/Why-so-many-victims-of-narcissistic-abuse-commit-suicide

[tellomon]

In their minds, they are "doing you a favour", no matter how awful the abuse they can inflict you. They own you.
Narcissists don't believe in humans' rights but their rights.
Narcissism and a
Lack of Gratitude

Narcissistic people are notorious for being difficult to please. No matter what others do for them it’s never enough. This video looks at the constant dissatisfaction, ingratitude and discontentment of both Grandiose and Covert narcissists, some of the reasons behind it and the different ways they express it.


@RealRabbit1124
2 hours ago
I’ve been dealing with a severe narcissist.
She does not say thank you, never says she’s sorry.
She lacks empathy, remorse, morals…
She has a severe case.
I won’t go into details.. but it’s been a complete nightmare.
She thinks I am supposed to be her perfect little boyfriend, but give nothing in return, and does not have the decency to treat me like an appropriate woman should.
She literally thinks she owns my life, and I am her slave.

@stevehartwell1861
2 hours ago
Entitlement

@mildredbangtree
1 hour ago
Never pleased?! They please themselves all of the time!


@copacetictranquillam8154
2 hours ago
there are certain religions that churn out narcissists, by telling their followers that they're better than everyone else..... admit it, you can name one, can't you !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feZWs4gvzmc

[tellomon]

 

[tellomon]

What hurts a narcissist forever?

Confronting their abusive behavior or holding them accountable for their actions. Narcissists don't like to be held accountable and responsible.

When narcissists feel like they are losing control of people or situations. Narcissists don't want to lose control, power, and authority over people. For narcissists, having control is everything.

Narcissists get angry and hurt if you are not responding to their gaslighting and manipulation.

When someone for any reason threatens their ego. Narcissists have fragile egos.

Narcissists are hurt if you are not affected by their rage and ignore them. Narcissists don't like when they can't get your reaction.

When you stick to morals and don't follow and support their wrong doings.

Criticizing them in any way. Narcissists can't handle criticism.

Narcissists have a fear of being exposed. Narcissists want to maintain masks at all costs.

When you point out narcissists mistakes and wrongdoings, it hurts their ego.

When narcissists are not getting narcissistic supply, they fear being left with no supply.
_________________________________

Their own mental hell. They know they are nothing. They know they have never succeeded in anything, nor will they.
________________________________

Narcissists spend a lifetime avoiding shame…the feelings of being irrelevant, unimportant, not wanting to be left-out and being seen as weak & needing and this is why they need Validation & Admiration. This is also why they criticize, ridicule, belittle, devalue, mock, judge, devalue other people. Simply put, if they can make you feel bad and unimportant, then in their minds it makes them a Somebody…important, seen, heard, strong.

So how do you hurt a Narcissist forever. Make their worst nightmare come true. Don't react to them. Make them seen as unimportant, left-out of your life…don't react to their baits…don't give them Validation or Admiration. Show the Narcissists they don't matter to you…they mean nothing to you! Ignore them and their manipulative tactics. Is this easy? Nope! However, it is worth it. Sure, the Narcissist will go after you with fury and rage, but if you can hold on and not react…it tells them they mean nothing to you and you don't even have to say a word!

“If you tell a Narcissist he/she is an a-hole, then you are giving them ‘Narcissistic Fuel.’ If you tell a Narcissist you love them, then you are giving them ‘Narcissistic Fuel.’”

—H. G. Tudor

Give them nothing and they feel they are nothing! That is their worst nightmare!

Maybe it seems boring or like you are not doing much, but trust me, you are sending a loud and clear message to them. And that is, they mean nothing to you! This causes a huge Narcissistic Injury! It means they have lost complete control over you and they are left with their dark empty shell of themselves!
_________________________________

A narcissist is going to age and develop health problems, and they will soon look into the mirror and see bits and pieces they don't recognize anymore. A wrinkle here. Now crow’s feet. Grey hair. Thinning hair. Harder to lose weight or keep muscle.

It is their secret Achilles’ Heel. Narcissists absolutely hate aging.

Once they hit 30, time flies and they’re no longer the “cool kids” they thought they were.

They also fear they are running out of time to be the best, to be famous, to be the “winner.” By age 30, everything gets a little harder, because there are only ten years between 30 and 40, and the narcissist wanted EVERYTHING by age 30.

They wanted to be rich and famous, with two houses and a vacation home in Big Bear, a doctorate in chemistry, and the most beautiful wife (or handsome husband) in the world. Oh, and of course, the Italian sportcars.

It never happened. So now they are 30, 35…approaching 40, and time has just flown by like the sand in an hourglass or through your fingers.

And if any of the above happened at all, they’ve also had to settle. Not everyone gets a supermodel and an Italian sportscar. Most people don’t get any of that. They’ve had to settle for ordinary, and boy, that really does a number on them.

Most of us don't like aging of course, but almost every narcissist I have known has aged terribly and they associate aging with failure. Unlike most people who have respect for the winds of change, narcissists believe they are Greek Gods and Goddesses.

Narcissists are paralyzed by the fear of aging. I promise you.

Many of them who felt invincible also get ill. One malignant narcissist I know who would sleep with anyone (and I do mean anyone), now has diabetes and prostate issues. He's just not the same anymore.

Time changes everything. Even the "infallible" narcissist.

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/What-hurts-a-narcissist-forever

[tellomon]

What are some signs of a
narcissist? RED Flags!

Extreme selfishness. Child like selfishness. Lack of empathy. Restlessness, volatility in moods, insatiable, more than a couple of dark vices, dishonest, without remorse, unable to apologize, unreasonable, very irresponsible, very, very shallow.

Empty conversations. Great sex but no passion. Highly competitive, jealous and envious. Your male narc will compete with you like another jealous female would. The female narc will be obviously insanely jealous.You will think she is ill. They are really weird and you can’t put your finger on it.

O yea, very empty eyes.
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They wanna spend every free minute you have with you.

At the same time they're telling you that they're not good relationship material, as in “I don't think I've ever loved someone” or “I don't easily commit.”

They don't respect your time, as in wanting to meet up with you when you can't or keeping you up at night.

They're flirtatious with others.

They used to have lot (money, successful business) or soon will have a lot.

They talk about marriage and babies.

They tell you they’ve never felt the way they're feeling with you.

They overshare, as in talking about their childhood on the second date.
_______________________________

That’s an easy one. If they are not in a relationship when you meet them then they have just gotten out of one.

They most likely will tell you that they were the one who was wronged. They did nothing to deserve the way they were treated, they are always innocent. They are also very needy and will waste no time getting back involved with someone new. They will be very charming and just a little too good to be true. Take this as a sign to be cautious. They will use their charm to reel you in and before you know what happened they will convince you that you two were meant to be.

It will be great at first until they feel like they have you where they want you. The mental abuse will start subtly. Forgetting to tell you that they will be gone for the weekend. Not being emotionally available when you need them. Criticizing the little things that you do that annoy them. Making you feel guilty for something you did or didn’t do. They will also keep their lives secret from you.

They need to know everything you’re doing but their life is not an open book. Eventually they will devalue you. Nothing you do will be good enough. They will attack your personality, you’re cooking, you’re housekeeping, your family, you’re friends and even you’re dog. You will believe them at first and try hard to please them. But eventually you will fight back and when you do be ready for the rage. They will scream and act like a roaring lion for even daring to assert yourself towards them.

This is done to intimidate you and keep you in line. Don’t cry because tears mean nothing to them. They will laugh at you and tell you to shut up. You will go through the ups and downs of living with a narcissist. One day they will buy you flowers and tell you that they love you and the next time they will call you the worst names you can imagine and tell you that you are worthless. The emotional roller coaster will wear you out. No matter how hard you try not to upset them they will find a reason to destroy you for something that they perceive you did or did not do.

At first you will feel bad and try to fix everything. But you can’t fix someone who doesn’t think they are doing anything wrong. Soon you will become angry. That will only get you the raging and name calling treatment. Sometimes it can turn into physical abuse but you will learn quickly not to push that far. The narcissist is merciless and will do whatever he needs to win a fight. After the anger comes the depression. Then you will be criticized for being lazy and not taking care of their needs.

Eventually you will become an empty shell, not capable of making the decisions you need to make to save yourself. Hopefully you will find the strength to get away and find the person you were before you met them. In short beware of someone who has been in multiple relationships and always claims to be the innocent one. Don’t believe them when they tell you after the first date how special you are to them.

Be aware of how they want to know all about you but are secretive when it comes to their lives. They also have trust issues. They don’t trust the mailman, the police, the government or the waitress at the restaurant. They never do anything for you without having an ulterior motive.

At first they will act like they like your family and friends but over time will find reasons for you not to be around them. They are never wrong even if you catch them dead on. They are unable to love anyone because they don’t love themselves. Don’t try to help them, don’t feel sorry for them. Just get out of dodge quick!

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-signs-of-a-narcissist-1

[tellomon]

What Bible verses explain why demons hate the Chosen One/s?

Satan and his demons are God’s worst enemies. He hates it when God’s chosen ones preach and teach the truth to others. The second half of Revelation 12:17. Explains why the demons hate the chosen ones. It says “(they observe the commandments of God and have the work of bearing witness concerning Jesus,”.

Satan initiated warfare against them that included both a spiritual conflict and actual persecution, even resulting in death for some. Revelation chapters 13 describes how the Devil wars against Christ’s spiritual brothers by means of the wild beast and the image of the wild beast. In Revelation chapters 17–19 reveals another agent Satan uses against them. Babylon the Great, the world empire of false religion.

Thus, to deceive people the Bible says in 2Corinthians 11:14,15 “…Satan keeps disguising himself as an angel of light…”. Since he and his cohorts are murderers, they will use anything in their power from preventing people to know the truth, which would result in life. (John 17:3). For more information, feel free to check out our website on http://jw.org Scroll down to Bible Questions Answered, then click on Spirit Realm.

https://www.quora.com/What-Bible-verses-explain-why-demons-hate-the-Chosen-One-s

[tellomon]

How Do I Diagnose
A Narcissist?

Look closely at their behavior. Does it match their words? For example, does the npd say he loves you but doesn't lift a finger to help you when you are drowning in housework along with regular work. This is saying you care but not acting as if you do. Beware of their words. Many are very charming and charismatic.

Look for intermittent reinforcement. This is very loving words or behavior thrown in the mix of abusive behavior. It effectively bonds a person to the npd.

Look for very twisted logic. Npds have to use quite a variety of cognitive gymnastics to make sure blame and fault never land on them.

They are brilliant at undermining your self esteem in very subtle ways over a long period of time.

The focus is nearly always on them: how they feel, how much work they have, how inconvenienced they are.

Often npds are very good with little kids who are nothing but love and positive supply. However when those children become a bit more challenging as adolescents the npds often discard them. The children of narcissists suffer mightily and we often marry narcisssists as well.

I can tell you this, if you are with one, do whatever you have to do to leave if you can. Being with an npd is a no-win situation. Npds don't have empathy, although they can mimmick it beautifully. It doesn't hurt them to hurt others so that will never be a barrier to them getting what they want. And everyone else pays the price.
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Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behavior), an overwhelming need for admiration, and usually a complete lack of empathy toward others. People with this disorder often believe they are of primary importance in everybody’s life — and to anyone they meet. While this pattern of behavior may be appropriate for a king in 16th century England, it is generally considered inappropriate for most ordinary people today.

People with narcissistic personality disorder often display snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing attitudes. For example, an individual with this disorder may complain about a clumsy waiter’s “rudeness” or “stupidity,” or conclude a medical evaluation with a condescending evaluation of the physician.

A personality disorder is an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates from the norm of the individual’s culture. The pattern is seen in two or more of the following areas: cognition; affect; interpersonal functioning; or impulse control. The enduring pattern is inflexible and pervasive across a broad range of personal and social situations. It typically leads to significant distress or impairment in social, work or other areas of functioning. The pattern is stable and of long duration, and its onset can be traced back to early adulthood or adolescence.

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

Requires excessive admiration
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Because personality disorders describe long-standing and enduring patterns of behavior, they are most often diagnosed in adulthood. It is uncommon for them to be diagnosed in childhood or adolescence because a child or teen is under constant development, personality changes, and maturation. However, if it is diagnosed in a child or teen, the features must have been present for at least 1 year.

Narcissistic personality disorder is more prevalent in males than females and is thought to occur in around 6 percent of the general population, according to research.

Like most personality disorders, NPD typically will decrease in intensity with age, with many people experiencing a few of the most extreme symptoms by the time they are in their 40s or 50s.
________________________________

By objectively observing his behaviors and attitudes towards other people (not just you). And comparing those behaviors to the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. And by understanding his motivations for those behaviors, not by your interpretation of them.

It’s about the motivations for the behaviors, not the behaviors themselves. The behaviors are the symptoms. The motivations will identify the disorder.

And the motivations are NOT about you. They are about him.
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Some can never do it. Some red flags

1)They never apologize unless it is for personal gain.

2) It's never their fault, they lack capacity or willingness for deep internal insight into their flaws. Some argue they are always aware of flaws therefor narcissistic. I need to clear this myth. Narcissism is a solid, solid wall (defense mechanism) in response to chronic criticism , inconsistent parents, addicted parents, invalidating parents, and neglect.

A narcissist is in chronic survival mode and has created an impenetrable persona of themselves which requires excessive admiration just to support their grandiose delusional created sense of self. That being said, unconsciously having chronic self doubt and insecurity, they make the choice to use people for personal gain. They do not value others wellbeing because no one cared about theirs. Research claims the apple doesn't fall far from the tree so take a close look at their parents or lack thereof.

3) They make you question your sanity due their personal narrative which consists of them always being right. If u threaten it, they fly into a horrible rage.

4) They demand a level of respect even though they have no accomplishments to support their expectations.

5) They shower you with love and affection only to shame you later into serving their needs and end up feeling alone and unable to trust their motives.

6) History of conflicted romantic relationship with amazing ability to cut people out of their lives.

7) Inflated self worth

8) Even with many failed relationships, no history or willingness to seek help.

8) Humiliating others in public for personal recognition.

Basically, they have personal life goals but they do not include you unless it requires your resources, time and support. You feel like a pawn and sadly, you are!! Look at how they treat others and learn about their personal philosophy. Watch behaviors, don't waste time with intentions, they are who they are. Typically they became expert chameleons which they did to survive 18 or more years of chronic abuse.
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It is very hard to diagnose a narcissist because they don't see themselves at flawed in any way so don't seek help. They are usually diagnosed in a prison setting and even then it is hard because they are pathological liars and quite enjoy being able to mess with a therapist's head.

Really there is no need to diagnose a narcissist. If you are involved with someone who has many of the traits of a narcissist you are being abused and no one should stay with someone who treats the people in their life the way a narcissist does.

They are self centered, conscienceless, abusers and users; putting a label on them doesn't change who they are and how they treat you.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-diagnose-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

What do narcissistic people want from people?

A narcissist simply wants someone who can make them feel a certain way about themselves, while also being provided resources and benefits. Most people know this by now but sadly, it goes further than that.

A narcissist wants to suck you dry, so they can move onto the next source of supply, and then suck them dry. It is an endless obsession.

Once they reach a certain age, they settle down with someone who is vapid or gullible enough to put up with them, or they find someone just like them (yes, it happens). Narcissists do fear being alone and not having someone to parasite off of, which is why I say they are the true co-dependents.

They are AFRAID of being alone, while making it seem the other person is the one who is defective and fearful. This is why I think they also play games with you and do small discards at first, and silent treatment. This is why they play those twisted games and triangulate. They want YOU to be fearful and in panic mode all the time.

It’s a trap, and also a deception.

Secretely, the narcissist is fearful of the world. They are in survival mode and are constantly chasing. Even when in a "serious" so-called relationship. Let me be clear here, you are never in a relationship with a narcissist, it is more akin to a parasite and a host. It isn't even symbiotic. You aren't getting much back from a narcissist.

For example, at first, the narcissist might try and prove they are a great person. They will fool you by doing work, helping around the house, cleaning, etc. They will brag about what great cooks they are, and how they can’t wait to treat you like a King or Princess, whatever.

Then, little by little, they do less and less. Often, they have a mostly-feigned "narcissistic collapse." This gives them the excuse to completely stop working, even at a job. They sometimes go back to where they came from or to another supply, whatever that may be.

They have to trick you into thinking they are capable, willing, and "good" people. What you see in the end is who they actually are.

They only got into a relationship per se, in order to use you. That's all. They're going to find a way to get another supply, and another. Even if married, it's never enough. A piece of paper makes no difference to a narcissist, and I've known narcissists who actually say it's just a "piece of paper" but then they go on to marry someone to lock them down.

If a male narcissist, he may also get you pregnant on purpose, to keep you a prisoner. But you will still be expected to provide, and do work. Many of them don't even want you after that, as someone told me recently of their experiences.

These people are exceedingly inhumane, nasty, and capable of even killing you.
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There are 2 sides to this question. One being not what the narcissist wants from their victim, but rather what they don't want their victim to have. Narcissists are extremely jealous of people that can love, care and have good qualities that make them a good person.

Narcissists are incapable of those things so they set out to destroy all of those good qualities in their victim. They don't want them to have those qualities. The other, is nothing. They don't want anything from their victims. They don't want any struggle. They don't want them to have a mind of their own, or a backbone or anything at all.

Also, they want their victims to take the blame for being the narcissist. Narcissists go from victim to victim doing the same things over and over never once having any intentions of even being in a relationship with them but rather to convince not only them selves, but everybody around them that they are not a narcissist by making their every victim out to be the narcissist.

They do this because a narcissists number one biggest fear is being found out that they are a narcissist.

So they go from victim to victim and use them to say “See they are the narcissist, not me” to the people around them. They are pathological liars also, meaning they can tell themselves something so many times and they will literally believe it's the truth. They use their victims as a way to convince themselves even that they aren't a narcissist. I hope that all made sense for you.
________________________________

TO BE LEFT ALONE.

That's literally what the narcissist wants from you.

The narcissist wants you to perform your duties as Clown slave and stfu.

You're to compassionately and enthousiastically understand that the narcissist has an issue with you loving them.

But you're to keep being agreeable and taking care of all adult responsibilities.

The narcissist wants to live their life as if they're single, f*cking left right and center.

And for you to pretend that you're being treated as gold while you're being abused to no end.

The narcissist wants you to stop bringing up the past, like wanting to talk about their internet activities you found out about 5 minutes ago.

And the narcissist wants to come and go as they please.

They go when they have a date with someone else and they come when they're done f*cking.

The narcissist wants you to sit still, not speak a word and practice radical acceptance when they're laying out the case of how you're to blame for them subjecting you to the royal crackhead treatment.

They want to be nice and caring to the stranger on the bus, but treat you like a 5 dollar whore.

All of this has to be going on whilst you leave them tf alone.

Then, when they're ready, they wanna discard you with the fury of hellfire and for you to understand that that's what you deserve.

After that they need for you to keep up with the Narcashian until they're ready to make their way back, still blaming you for the entire travesty, but finding it in their heart to give you another chance.

That's what the narcissist wants from you.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-narcissistic-people-want-from-people

[tellomon]

What does a narcissist want?

An emotional punching bag.

A human receptacle to get off into.

A mirror that reflects back to them their amazing false made up self.

A free place to stay.

Free food.

Free love (open marriage, open relationships).

Total control over your life, psyche, money, children, future, past, present, your entire being…

Your friends (more to take advantage off).

Your empathy (you make them look like a kind giving person).

Your bank account (more prostitutes to get off into).

Your integrity (thanks for sticking around even though I’m screwing and stealing from 9 other women) 🥂

Your dedication (when they hoover, you come back even after you know who they are). Cheers you dumb 💩, now, I’ll make it hurt twice as much!!

Your energy. (Ever notice how you’re absolutely exhausted being around them? This is not an accident. This is why evil people live longer as they suck the good people DRY).

All narcissists want is someone who gives them chances.

If you stick around when your body is telling you different the only person you are betraying is yourself.

Get out before they have a chance to sink their claws into you!
__________________________

Your validation, approval, attention, money, possessions, your emotions, your empathy heart and soul

But IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH.
__________________________

They seem to want the same things that other people want. They just want MORE of those things than other people have and they don't want for anybody to have more of anything than they have. The same things they want MORE of for themselves are the same things they try to keep others from having AS MUCH AS they do.

They want control of their own lives and control of the people around them. They want love, admiration, respect, and empathy FOR THEM from EVERYBODY around THEM, but they don't want ANY other person around THEM to have those same things. They want their version of REALITY to be accepted by EVERY person around THEM.

They want to be VOLUNTARILY given whatever THEY want at the exact time THEY want it to be given. They only want what they see themselves as "deserving", which is whatever THEY want when THEY want it.

A narcissist will DEMAND everything from you and all the while be telling you that they "want nothing" from you except what THEY "deserve".
_____________________________

They want you to give them unconditional love, respect, sex, money, etc, but do not expect anything in return- your feelings do not matter. Do not question the Narc - his behavior is acceptable and if you dare cross him/her expect repercussion. Essentially, they want a house plant - a plastic one - watering would be too much effort for a Narc.
______________________________

Attention, attention, attention.
Love, love, love.
Your self-esteem, your life, your body, your soul. All of you.
They want to con, trick, control and manipulate emotions, thoughts and feelings. To devalue, degrade and humiliate. To make the person question their thoughts and feelings while enduring emotional pain hurt and jealousy. To embrace with ulterior motives to discard with no empathy.

To pit people against each other within the family. To empower friends and strangers …..and trivialize opinions of those important. To humiliate, abuse and conquer for no reason. To lie just because they can. To hide who they are, while entrapping and accusing. To meet their needs at the expense of those with ethics, morals and feelings. Finally to meet their demise by their non empathetic actions and search for yet another target.
____________________________

They want to feel safe.

But you are such a huge and perpetual threat to them that they cannot ever feel safe as long as you continue to exist, so to eliminate the threat without the necessity of killing you and everyone else, they tear you down in many different ways like:

Making you believe you are worthless and causing you to develop learned helplessness so that you become dependent.

Making you distrust yourself through gaslighting until you believe you are insane and distrust the whole world too so that you become isolated.

Making you self-destructive so that you help them tear yourself down.

Elevating themselves by feeling contempt for you by trivializing or devaluing you so that you are perceived to be not worthy of consideration nor fear.

Making you worship or validate them or prove yourself to them continually to convince them that you are not so much of a threat after all.

Making you renounce your rights, your agency, your sovereignty, your authenticity, and collude with them so that your unpredictability will never threaten them again.

Training you to utterly neglect your own needs so that you cannot inconveniently burden the narcissist with your needs while also causing you to self-destructively neglect your own welfare and to help tear yourself down.

All these things are focused on making you controllable because a perfectly controllable thing like their own limb is no longer a threat, and the narcissist can finally relax and feel safe. Ideally you can continue to physically exist, but you must cease to exist inside, so that the threat of your autonomy is removed.

Also the various expressions of narcissism below are merely tools meant to help accomplish the destruction of your personhood listed above, things like:

Bravado is meant to impress or intimidate other personalities in the room into submission or acquiescence and to mask their latent insecurity and anxiety.

Devaluation to make you feel lesser so that they can be greater.

Deceit and trickery is meant to acquire the upper-hand in all their dealings with others in anticipation of the inevitable relationship breakdown.

Gathering a crowd of flying monkeys to beat down anyone who questions or makes them feel threatened.

The way they twist everything you say to make you invalidated, frustrated, or exhausted talking to them.

Having a golden child to make everyone else feel inadequate and to prove to everyone that they are capable of love.

Love bombing you to seduce you into eventually relinquishing your personhood and to cede control.

Mirroring or mimicking you

The silent treatment to apply surreptitious pressure on you.

Ruining everything for you so that you cannot be happy.

Perpetually replacing people like replacing appliances.

Never showing vulnerability and never feeling vulnerable.

The tyranny of their needs.

Their contempt for your needs.

Their lack of empathy.

Having no remorse.

The narcissist has a perpetual craving to defeat and subdue everyone using these tactics and transform them into automatons so that they will someday become safe and loved when everyone else’s personhood ceases to exist and so too their autonomous attribute which is seen as a threat to the narcissist.

What is the narcissist threatened by? They are threatened by the fact that you retain the ability to freely choose, and that you might someday choose to reject, question or criticize them. Your agency is their greatest threat. Only when your freedom to choose is completely extinguished can they feel safe.

https://www.quora.com/What-does-a-narcissist-want?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

What do narcissists actually care about?

Narcissists care about two things: power and control.

They want to exert total control over your life, and they want total power over you. They want you to feel like they're going to have that power over you forever. And what better way to gain power over someone than to make them feel like they can't leave?

They're vulnerable, they won't be able to make it without you, so they gaslight you into thinking that you're more helpless than you are. Because they know that you will never leave them if you feel that way.

Or if you do leave, then you'll be more likely to come back. So they gaslight you, they warp your reality, they try to convince you that this toxic, horrible relationship you're in with them is somehow love. That they hurt you because they care about you so much. How does that make any sense?

But what narcissists don't want you to know is that they need you way more than you need them. You are supply to them. You are their entire identity.

They don't have a core sense of self; they only have external validation. You do have an internal sense of self; it's just been stifled by this abuser. So don't let a narcissist tell you who you are. You know who you are; it's down there somewhere, even though the narcissist has been forcing you to push your humanity down for the sake of getting along.

And when you remember who you are, you will remember that you do not deserve this kind of abuse. There is nothing that you did to deserve psychological abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, or any other kind. And you don't have to sit here and settle for that ever.

If somebody has verbally assaulted you, called you horrible names, screamed and yelled at you, you owe that person nothing at this point. And you do have the power to remove yourself from the situation and to either go no contact or gray rock if you have to co-parent or if you work with them.

Taking your power back from a narcissist is as simple as realizing that you have a lot of different options. Start to build an escape plan. Don't tell the narcissist you're leaving, just build a plan. And then strive to little by little do everything you can to keep that plan.

And if you have a child with this person, get a custody and child care legal agreement. Narcissists are always going to use the opportunity to engage in a power struggle if you let them. Don't give them that opportunity.
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Joseph Burgo, a clinical psychologist, has a video where he speaks of their (narcissists) idealized false self. He explains that minimal empathy and love leads to their developing an existential shame which permeates their being. This is evidenced by dreams they report involving ramshackle structures and hideous birth defects. They develop an idealized false self which is the opposite of their inadequate shamed self.

He says rarely do narcissists want to discuss their shame. Instead what interests them is how they can be more like their idealized self.

What is genuinely important to narcissists is that they by viewed as being like their idealized self. This the crux of “narcissistic supply.”

Narcissists manipulate people, above all themselves, to believe their idealized self represents who they really are.
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Narcissists typically care about several key things, often centered around their self-image and personal needs. Here are some of the main aspects:

Admiration and Validation: Narcissists crave admiration from others. They often seek out praise and recognition to reinforce their self-esteem and sense of superiority.

Control and Power: Many narcissists desire control over situations and people. They may manipulate others to maintain a position of power or influence.

Self-Image: Maintaining a grandiose self-image is crucial for narcissists. They invest significant effort in presenting themselves as exceptional or superior, often exaggerating their achievements.

Attention: They often seek constant attention and may become upset if they feel overlooked or ignored. This need for attention can manifest in various ways, including dramatic behavior or self-promotion.

Success and Status: Narcissists often prioritize success, wealth, and social status. They may measure their self-worth by their achievements and compare themselves to others.

Lack of Empathy: While they may care about how others perceive them, narcissists often struggle to genuinely empathize with others’ feelings or needs, focusing instead on their own desires.

Fear of Criticism: Despite their outward confidence, many narcissists have a deep-seated fear of criticism or rejection, which can lead to defensive or aggressive behavior when they feel threatened.

Understanding these motivations can help in navigating relationships with narcissistic individuals, as their behavior is often rooted in a fragile self-esteem masked by an inflated self-image.
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They care about

1- Supply that interests and FEEDS them.

2- The way they appear to others. As generous, magnanimous and good.

3- Keeping their kids around as a source of validation for how good they are.

4- Drugs and alcohol or other mind altering things.

5- Being the most important person to other people in their lives.

6- The concert ticket holder - the one organizing the "trip" somewhere.

7- They want to be at the center of things which also provides them many opportunities for supply and even possible sexcapades.

8- They enjoy being the masters of their destiny but everything they do is about themselves. They dominate situations and suffocate anyone else's chance for shining.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-narcissists-actually-care-about

[tellomon]

What do narcissists get from using people?

The number one reason a narcissist chases anyone is simply to subdue and utilize them as a tool. It isn't necessarily attention, because they can get that from their "friends." They are looking for someone to help them survive in this world.

When a narcissist becomes your "significant other" (note my tone of sarcasm here), you serve as someone to help them pay their bills. As things progress, they will ask you to cosign with them for loans and other legal paperwork to obtain automobiles, homes, and other property.

But they lovebomb you first and futurefake. They will ask you to move in with you or marry. They will make it appear as if the idea for a new car or home came from you, as if it's also for you. But it's actually meant for them.

The secondary supply a narcissist obtains through using someone is the social standing. They have a "front" now and can appear like a normal person with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a spouse. Too many of them become parents and a great many will have illegitimate children while married, although I do dislike that term because the children did not ask to be born.

The tertiary supply is the attention. You make the narcissist "feel alive" with your presence at first, and they feed off of your energy. As time progresses, they show you who they actually are, and begin to spit venom at you quite frequently, until it all escalates into major blowouts from time to time. You begin to wonder "who is this person I married?" This is when you realise you were majorly defrauded and had been used the ENTIRE TIME.
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Benefits and privileges that are easily given by those who have no idea what's going on. Narcissists play on your empathy, compassion, heartstrings, kindness, and generosity. They make you not want to have those good qualities. Make sure you're not giving your all to someone who's only in it for their selfish gain. Keep learning about narcissists and dark psychological tactics they use. It's a matter of life or death at this point because they will drain you until you're left with nothing.
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Narcissists get their narcissistic supply by using people. Narcissists aren't able to function normally if they don't get narcissistic supplies all the time; they need people to survive. Narcissists keep relationships with people because they want benefits from them. Narcissists will invest the bare minimum to get maximum benefits from people.

Narcissists think they are superior and better than everyone, so they can use people according to their needs. Narcissists don't waste time on anyone who has nothing to offer. For narcissists, every person is an object to be used. Narcissists can use people for influence, money, finance, support, physical needs, accommodation, power, control, authority, status, traveling, etc., and the list goes on.

Narcissists form attachments based on the narcissistic supplies they get from people. Narcissists will cut off people who have nothing to offer. Narcissists are selfish and parasitic in nature; they will suck you dry and then leave you.
_______________________________

Supply. Narcissists need constant attention and admiration.

It’s a pretty sweet deal for them. They get to do whatever they want, whenever they want, with whoever they want and you can’t question them.

Meanwhile, you’re cooking their meals, cleaning their house, picking up after them and raising their kids.

Narcissists get everything they want from using people: all the features and benefits of the relationship, but none of the responsibilities.
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The Prime Aims. The narcissist needs to obtain and sustain the Prime Aims, which include control, fuel, character traits, and residual benefits. Regardless of your relationship with the narcissist, they require control over you to compensate for a lack of control in their past.

Additionally, they need fuel to fill the emptiness within themselves, which comes from the reactions and output of others. Character traits are acquired from people to enhance the narcissist's facade and make their true self harder to detect. Finally, residual benefits refer to anything you can provide to the narcissist, such as money or services, that they can exploit for their own benefit.

The narcissist must always maintain control over his or her surroundings and the others inside it, which includes you. Regardless of whether you are a stranger, acquaintance, friend, co-worker, family member, or sexual partner. Whether you are a neighbour, a date, a sister or brother, the gentleman from the corner shop, or a fiancée, you fall inside the narcissist's fuel matrix and must be subject to their control.

The reason they need control stems back to their past; every narcissist will have experienced a severe lack of control environment in their youth - this created an innate and ever-present need to have control and hypersensitivity to any perceived threat to that control. This is because, whenever they don't have control, it reminds them of that time in their youth when they were weak and made to feel insignificant, and that makes them angry, possibly igniting their fury.

The narcissist needs fuel. This is because, within a narcissist, there is an emptiness that must be filled with the emotional output of others (fuel). The fuel gives the narcissist energy (fuels them), and when it is provided the narcissist gets a feeling of invincibility. But there is always that emptiness there, and no amount of fuel can get rid of it constantly.

It can be largely ignored if the narcissist is extremely well fuelled, but there is always that itch that can never be scratched. This emptiness was developed in the narcissist due to the lack of control in their environment. During their environment, they essentially didn’t matter; therefore, the emotional reactions and output of others that are directed towards the narcissist validates their existence and tells them that they matter.

The narcissist will acquire character traits from people. Character traits can be experiences, speech patterns or vocabulary, insights or beliefs, mannerisms, or they can see someone with empathic traits and learn to feign it more effectively from them. The reason they do this is it adds to the construct and makes the narcissist’s true self harder to detect.

Some narcissists will be better at this than others. Think of it like shards of glass. Every time you share an experience with the narcissist, the narcissist will take that experience as if it were a shard of glass and add it to their frame, overall creating their construct.

Finally, the narcissist will take residual benefits. This is anything you can do for or give the narcissist. If you provide the narcissist with money, a place to live, help with the facade, etc. that is a residual benefit. If you provide the narcissist with a service, such as doing things for them, that’s a residual benefit.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-narcissists-get-from-using-people

[tellomon]

What do narcissists want from their significant others?

To use you for whatever they can use you for….sex, the maid, your money, your time, your human rights and dignity….they want to OWN YOU, and destroy you. You have something they don’t…they want to take it away from you. Don’t be involved is the only answer.
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When all is said and done, the narcissist sees only one purpose in you —

to get their needs met.

They only want you around, they will only tolerate you, if you help them get their needs met.

Which needs?

Narcissists struggle to process their feelings of self-loathing, so they must pass onto you, making you detest yourself.

Narcissists are shame-based individuals, so they must pass on any feelings of shame onto you, making you feel shameful.

Narcissistic projection, is all about you taking on the narcissist's negative qualities and feelings, so they don't have to.

And they succeed in this, by reading and understanding you well enough, so they know just what to say or do to make you feel the way they feel.

By witnessing you experience their feelings, they have temporary relief, projection complete.

In addition to narcissistic projection, they also like getting their ego stroked by you, as and when they need an uplift.

Oh, and those sexual favors and ancillary perks, of course.

Although if you are with the narcissist long term, being the primary supply, chances are they are getting most of their sexual needs met elsewhere.

You are just a doormat.

"Boy Howdy, if that ain't fuggin' true....!"
____________________________

I have no idea what they want. I tried for 30+ years. Here’s what they don’t want:

A disloyal person that doesn't stand by them through thick and thin.
An honest person, they hate that.
Someone that is aware of the abuse.
Someone who won't plan little getaways.
Someone who would not drop everything and be at the beck and call.
Someone who doesn't leave notes and cards at random.
Someone that doesn't support them, when they are down.
Someone that doesn't buy random gifts that shows you’re thinking about them.
Constructive criticism, or any criticism at all. That’s a big no no.
Someone that admits they have flaws. They want you perfect!
Someone who calls them on their bullshit.
Someone that doesn’t believe their lies and fake life on social media.
Someone that has feelings, intelligence, wants and needs.
Someone that challenges their delusions.

So, yea. I have no clue what they want, but I know exactly what she didn’t want.

Me.

_____________________________________

Another thing about narcissists that you should keep in mind is that THEY KNOW YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON. They know you were good to them, but they want to change your perception of reality to make you believe otherwise. That way, they can run away from taking accountability for hurting you.

So when they talk sh!t about you and spread lies in attempts to destroy your character, THEY KNOW they are lying on a good solid individual. Eventually, the lies will catch up to them and it will not end well when they have to take back what they said.

This is why going no contact and STAYING NO CONTACT is the best thing you can do because there's nothing they’ve got to offer you but pain and bullshit.

They KNOW you're good, remember that! They just want you to take the blame for the stuff they did to you. Don't ever let them get in your head by making you believe you were no good. No. YOU ARE GOOD, that's why they targeted you in the first place.

Keep getting that knowledge to save your life.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-narcissists-want-from-their-significant-others-26

[tellomon]

Will a narcissist treat the new supply the same as he did to me?

Every single human being gets treated the same by the NPD.

Narcissists will treat each and every supply in same way. Narcissists may love bomb one supply more than other supply, but they will be abusive with every person in the end. Narcissists don't form emotional bonds, they don't have capacity to understand partners needs and happiness, it's all about them.

Narcissists lack empathy, remorse and understanding to form healthy relationship. Narcissists after love bombing can't accept partners flaws, they have Unrealistic expectations from partners which results in downfall of relationship. Narcissists won't change for any person on this earth. In the end narcissist replaces victims.
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Yes absolutely!!

Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to really love anyone and that doesn't change from one relationship to another relationship. It's a pattern that is the same over and over again. They convince you that you just met the love of your life and soulmate and the honeymoon phase is so awesome that you almost become addicted to them like a drug.

That's how they trap you in their web but it doesn't last long and you will start seeing some red flags and you will right those off because you love them and you can't forget the person you first met and you refuse to believe that person wasn't real and not acknowledging this will be your demise because it gets worse and worse. It's a journey through the depths of hell with the Devil himself.

These people are evil and have no empathy for anyone and deep down they really hate you for being a good person and they will make you pay for their issues and problems and faults. They are liars, cheaters, manipulators, selfish and self serving, attention suckers, soul stealing and they love hurting you and watching you suffer and as long as you have them in your life you will never be free from pain.

https://www.quora.com/Will-a-narcissist-treat-the-new-supply-the-same-as-he-did-to-me

[tellomon]

Narcissistic abuse should be a crime.
5 Ways a Narcissist Turns
Your Home into a
Living Hell

@shirleyhunt8769
1 day ago
It is a crime but they get away with it.


@lynnomondi4899
11 hours ago
You can say that again, they make other people's lives hell.


@looweegee252
8 hours ago
Yes!! We need to outlaw narcissistic abuse!!!!


@JamesNGames
2 days ago
Living with a narcissist is like enduring a relentless nightmare. They strip away the peace and warmth of your home, turning it into a battlefield of manipulation and control. Every conversation becomes a calculated attack on your self-worth, leaving you doubting your reality. The outside world sees their charm, but behind closed doors, they wield their narcissism like a weapon, isolating you and making your home feel like a prison. You slowly lose yourself as they twist your mind, turning your sanctuary into a living hell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhu6xY0VwEE

[tellomon]

This is what they wanted. That's so crazy.
What kind of sick people would do this???
NARCISSISTS ULTIMATE THRILL
WOULD BE YOU COMMITTING SUICIDE
OVER THEM!

@kelseymiles3388
10 months ago
Stay strong. Don’t let the evil tempt you to do it. Pray to your creator for strength. You are loved.


@Shalom.4.4.
10 months ago
They smile in your face, all the while they wanna take your place, they’re BACK STABBERS, BACK STABBERS  Yessssirrrr! That’s it right there!


@carolineaitchison838
10 months ago
They have no empathy my narc left his ex dead on a chair all night while he went to bed full of drugs and reported her dead in the morning. he told me this after we married. I always had thoughts of suicide to get away. I believe that was a spirit from him. Thank god he saved me. Love you Zion thank you


@user-zk2fe6rz5e
10 months ago
You got that right I feel disgusted when I think of this thing ewww I can’t believe I was sleeping with the devil smh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXJQ0QuBuzE

[tellomon]

Its always... all about them, let that sink in and choose to be happy!
How Narcissists Destroy Their
Own Lives - 8 Self-Destructive Habits That Lead to
Their Downfall!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xal2GyTl95o

[tellomon]

It's hard for a normal thinking mind to wrap itself around the twisted mess that resides inside their head.
Disturbing Mind of a Narcissist: 5 Thinking Patterns that Drive Their Every Move

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldnszv_UK4U

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Do narcissists understand when they hurt their partner?

Narcissists? Oh, they absolutely know when they’re hurting you—and they love it. It’s like their twisted little hobby. You see, they’re too emotionally stunted to understand real feelings because empathy is as foreign to them as good taste in movies.

Why? Because when they were kids, they probably got more hugs from a cactus than their own parents. So, expecting them to understand your emotions is like expecting a rock to grow a brain—ain’t gonna happen!!

When they hurt you, don’t expect an apology. Instead, brace yourself for the most mind-bending blame-shifting you’ve ever seen. They’ll twist it until you’re the one feeling guilty, even though you’re the one who got hurt. It’s like you’re in a game where they’re always the victim, and you’re somehow the bad guy for pointing out their nonsense.

Their “apologies” are MASTERPIECE OF MANIPULATION . It’s never “I’m sorry for what I did.” It’s more like, “I’m sorry you’re too sensitive,” or “I’m sorry the situation made me do it.”

TRANSLATION: “I’m never wrong, and it’s all your fault.”period.

And if you’re their prime source of ego fuel? Oh, they’ll turn into the world’s best actor, love-bombing you like they’re auditioning for a role in a rom-com. But don’t be fooled—underneath the sweet talk is a soul as hollow as a cheap chocolate Easter bunny.

Their game is all about control, manipulation, and making you doubt your own reality. If you confront them, get ready for a full-blown meltdown. They can’t handle criticism because their fragile ego shatters like glass at the slightest touch.

In short, narcissists are like emotional BLACK HOLES—no matter how much you give, it’s never enough, and they’ll suck the life out of you without a second thought. The best move? Get the hell away and never look back.
______________________________

OMG, YES! Of course they do! That's what they get off on! They LITERALLY feed off of and completely torment, abuse and traumatizing their victims. I'm dead serious.
______________________________

Yes, they understand. However, they don’t feel guilt or apologize. On the contrary, they feel victorious when they see their hurt has damaged you. If you let them see how sad or hurt you are, they would be very happy. If you hide your feeling if hurt and smile in their faces, they get crazy. But, they’ll never stop hurting you. Your smile will give them a feedback to reconsider their tactics with you. They will think of more hurtfully effective strategies to make you unable to hide your real feeling of pain. They love to see pain in your eyes or see you shout.

They get their positive energy from hurting others. They feed on causing pain to their prey. They always need to refuel their emptiness and exchange their negativity with sucking others happiness. They are vampires that live on evacuating you from positive energy and leaving you suffer.

Your happiness is their favorite meal; your sorrow is their happiness.
________________________________

Yes they do and guess what, they DON’T care! Ta daa. (In case you’ve not yet realized this.) They understand it alright that you their partner are hurting, they simply lack the interpersonal skills needed to care. You’re welcome:) (lived with a narc for 5 long and miserable years).
________________________________

Yes — they do know and understand. To take it further... They plan to do it!

Here is what I mean - I had once spent an entire day performing a task for him. I was sure he would come home to appreciate my entire day's work on his behalf. It was a lot!!! I had told him my plan for the day and talked to him later telling him how pleased I was with the progress.

When he came home he walked directly (immediately) into the area where I expected he would be joyously excited. Within a matter of seconds he called my name. As I went in, he immediately began to criticize one particular thing I had done. He was talking to me as if I was a child and as if that one small, miniscule, issue was worse than the totality of everything I had done.

For some reason, I watched him closely, I kept my eyes on him — something was off. I could tell that this was not a random rant. I really believed that before he left work he had decided on the supply he needed from me that evening. He needed me to feel small and unappreciated with maybe even a helping of jealousy.

I saw it, I couldn't believe it, but I saw it in his demeanor. He was establishing himself as ruler and me as subservient in a quest for his validation. It really did hurt me, I think mainly because I knew this event was staged, that probably all the way home he relished in how he would work the script.

I felt the power that swept over him knowing that he was demeaning me… and that I felt badly as a result of his scolding. I watched him outwardly use that miniscule, unnoticeable issue to extract the ‘supply’ of hurt that fed his ego and need for demonstrative control.

I recognized the power surge that resulted from my hurt feelings. So yes, they know that they are hurting you. They plan on hurting you. They receive supply from hurting you. If I could offer any advice in this area, it would be - when they are demeaning you on what you do, watch their face, look into their eyes. It's visible!!
_________________________________

Narcissists can have varying levels of awareness regarding the impact of their behavior on others, including their partners. Generally, individuals with narcissistic traits may:

Lack Empathy: Many narcissists struggle to empathize with others, making it difficult for them to fully understand or care about the emotional pain they may cause their partner.

Intellectual Understanding: Some narcissists might intellectually recognize that their actions hurt their partner, but this understanding may not translate into emotional awareness or remorse.

Defensive Reactions: When confronted about their behavior, narcissists might react defensively, denying responsibility or blaming their partner, which can further complicate their understanding of the harm they cause.

Manipulative Behavior: Narcissists may also use their awareness of their partner's feelings to manipulate situations to their advantage rather than to foster genuine understanding or change.

Overall, while some narcissists might recognize that their actions are hurtful, their ability to empathize and take responsibility for the emotional consequences is often limited.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-understand-when-they-hurt-their-partner

[tellomon]

What is the lesson from narcissistic abuse that you didn't know you needed?

The mask of normalcy is hiding the vortex of psychopathy.

They are amongst us. You will never see them coming, you will only know when they are going. They will murder your soul and leave your body alive so you can feel exactly as they do. They chose you to carry on the curse. In the end you will be the one mirroring them. You will be the one giving them the familiarity of themselves.

You will be as hollow as they are. You will want to destroy them as they have destroyed you. You will feel shame and pain and confusion and hopelessness and anger and worthlessness, but unlike them, it's too late for you. You can't build a false self to stuff all that away and live life.

Oh no. You have to deal with it all, and build your new true self from the tiny broken pieces they didn't f*cking steal from you. In the end, when you show them the mirror image of themselves, they see a monster and they discard you and run for the f*cking hills. Back into society with their mask in place, ready to do it all over again with new prey.

The single most important thing I have learned from being in a relationship with a narcissist is that I am stronger than what I ever could of imagined. That I can be to hell and back and still be a good person and put a smile on my face and go to work and have love to give to my friends and family even with excruciating pain, insurmountable anger and never-ending hopelessness surging thru my veins.

I can survive him and whatever insane bullshit he threw at me. It must piss him off that I figured him out and that I put a stop to it. I didn't become his human door mat. I took my life back. I am here kicking ass and surviving every single hour of every single day.

The single most valuable lesson I learned is that he is a covert, abusive, A-hole and he can kiss my empathetic, awesome ass.

Edit: All of you are awesome and all of the people who hurt you can kiss all of our empathetic, awesome asses!! Don’t give those undeserving, spineless, waste of earth’s natural resources anymore of your time or energy.
______________________________

This is a masterful question.

• Not everybody has our best interests at heart, some are only interested in their own needs and wants, and some actually enjoy hurting others. I used to know this intellectually, but not really… now I get it.

• Red flags in any relationship, whether romantic, business, family, or friendship, should never be ignored, EVER.

• It isn’t my job to rescue others. Heck, in the end I could barely rescue myself, so I certainly have no place thinking I can help others in those ways that I used to think I should and could.

• Never trust another person until actions over time have proven them to be worthy of trust.

• Never be vulnerable around people who aren’t worthy of trust because those vulnerabilities may be used against me to destroy my life at a later date.

• Never give more to relationships than one receives; it must be reciprocal.

• Always, always. ALWAYS observe people’s empathy levels. If they lack empathy for others then steer clear of them.

• Keep healthy boundaries with others at all times, under all circumstances.

• Never wait for someone else to help me in a dangerous situation, I must protect and defend myself at all times and in all ways.

• It is important to learn how to comfort oneself because nobody else will do it.
_________________________________

Always trust your guts before you make any move.

Keep to personal rules and principles, be vigilant when someone tries to go against your boundary. The best weapon here is the Yes and No technique.

People, be grateful that you are healthy If you know what people having the narcissistic personality disorder are going through, You will stop complaining and be grateful for being healthy!

No matter how good you try to do for people, It will never be enough. Put yourself first in life, This is how narcissists use the entitlement scheme to ruin their partner confidence and finance.

Implement the Win-Win principles, Once you realise that someone is taking too much from you and you are getting nothing in return, re-evaluate the relationship, worst case quit! This is what narcissists do to innocent souls. Their goal is you lose, they win!

Love is blind that is so true but be very vigilant! Don’t get carried away by fake love. This is how narcissists trap innocent souls for decades!

Don’t rush into a committed relationship with anybody. Life is a risk so true but still be very careful. I know a lady that fell in love with someone having a narcissistic personality disorder. She was lonely, still processing divorce and needed love. Now, this guy is treating her like crap, she is trapped and doesn’t know how to get out. He moved into her apartment a week after getting to know her!

Like in trade, a healthy relationship should be emotionally balanced. Once you feeling anxious, nervous and shivering in front of your partner, then something is wrong. The next thing should be to quit, no doubt! Narc makes their partner fear them, therefore, causing trauma!

Generally, the best way to deal with toxic people is ignoring them for the rest of your life. Change contacts and experience true happiness again. A relationship with a NARC is always a toxic one! The best solution is NO CONTACT!!

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-lesson-from-narcissistic-abuse-that-you-didnt-know-you-needed

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists keep changing their partners more often?

There are several reasons that a narcissist changes partners frequently. This may happen along with a concurrent relationship or marriage.

• They are bored in the relationship.

•They are in fear of being discovered and need alternate relationships in place.

• They live in the moment, and if an opportunity presents itself they can easily choose it.

• Their relationships change for the worse over time which may not give them the adulation they need.

• They are not vested in the relationship so moving on from it doesn’t affect them the same.

• They love the control they have over several partners vying for their attention and love.

There is nothing you can do to keep them from changing partners or seeing additional partners while with you in my opinion.
________________________________

Because we Allow Them to.

Once one supply is depleted, they have already made sure an ex supply is recharged and ready to accept them back.

They will not Discard until they are sure of new supply..even if it is an ex.

As long as We Allow it. It Will continue.

Remember....it means energy enticing a new supply. All that time having to pretend.

Its exhausting.

So..an ex is easier prey.
________________________________

They can’t do real life.

Real life comes with issues. Relationships have ups and downs, disagreements, arguments and a whole lot of compromising.

The initial infatuation stage is the fun stage. You see your partner through happy glasses. You are dating, having fun, making out like rabbits. Everything is great!

This is pretty much the end of the road with someone with NPD.

Real life is not a fairy tale. Relationships are work. You need to commit and invest in order for it to sustain and grow. You need to have inside you the capability to be understanding and to compromise. You have to be able to put yourself in your partners shoes and empathize with them. You are both individuals but there is a sense of WE. Working towards a common goal and accepting the imperfections of yourself and your partner.

Relationships with NPD partners are superficial and shallow. They cannot move past phase 1. So they move from one, to the next, having usually many sexual partners that were left as they continue on extracting the first stage with those they meet.
_________________________________

Reuse and recycle. It's not always easy to get a fresh victim. So they put one on silent treatment and sleep with another. Again they stir up a fake argument with the current one putting her on a silent treatment then goes off to the previous.

For them, its all about variety, new tastes, new meat. If new and shiny is not available then some mix and match, flirting with one, chatting with another, sleeping with yet another. This goes on. Until Karma gets to them.

They become old, have an STD, has ED/UTI or have become bankrupt, sick anything. They are serial cheaters and absolutely sick minded.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-keep-changing-their-partners-more-often

[tellomon]

.

[tellomon]

Are narcissists powerful?

When Toto pulls back the curtain in The Wizard of Oz, the ‘Wizard’ is revealed to be an ordinary man, who the whole time was projecting out a ‘powerful’ version of himself using a machine.

How many targets of narcissistic abuse were mesmerised by the narcissist’s world, by their unshakeable conviction, confidence and seemingly endless reserves of energy? How many then peeked behind the curtain of the narcissist’s false self, shocked to discover an inner child filled with shame, fury and desperation?

It would be easy to dismiss narcissists as grifters of the soul, people to be identified and avoided. Yet their impact on the current zeitgeist is undeniable. Endless books, articles and videos have flooded the market, aiming to shed light on this phenomenon.

For many targets of narcissism, the focus has become an obsession. Narcissism has preoccupied the minds and destroyed the lives of millions, mobilising a significant chunk of humanity. Is that not power?

The Awakening Begins

Targets of narcissism can never forget that ‘aha’ moment, that psychological lightning strike which fundamentally changed their lives. Years of abuse suddenly came to the light. They could finally label and validate their experience. The further down the rabbit hole they went, the more obvious the narcissist’s tricks became. Suddenly, the stakes no longer felt so high. Rather than shame and fear, the target began to feel disgust, anger, and eventually, contempt. No-contact grew infinitely easier.

This is ‘phase one’ of recovery, where the target’s awareness widens, and they learn to identify the tricks and behaviours while taking concrete steps to regulate their emotions and grow their personal power. I’ve described this phase in detail in my book ‘How To Kill A Narcissist’.

These surface-level adjustments make an enormous impact on the target’s life, allowing them far more breathing space and opportunities for growth than they ever dreamed possible.

Towards the end of this phase, a person can usually establish a path forward which offers enough peace for a satisfying life after narcissistic abuse.

Others, however, gradually find themselves sinking back into mud, as a seemingly-innocent, fledgling relationship becomes the harbinger of that familiar shadow of the past. This is where we discover the true power of narcissists.

Necessity, The Fuel Of Power

It can be seductive to consider the narcissist in your life as a one-off ‘fluke’ occurrence. Learn their tricks, establish no-contact, and move forward. Simple.

This kind of finger-pointing at the ‘big, bad narcissist’, however, is what can dazzle and distract us from discovering the deeper truth of the matter: It was not just the narcissist who fooled us. We fooled ourselves.

The narcissist’s grandiose, fantasy world is custom-made to plug the deficiencies of our lives in real time. Once a certain narcissist’s particular brand of fantasy loses its power and collapses, we are finally able to change everything and recreate our life from scratch. Eventually, we find balance, and become receptive to meeting new people to fit our new life.

Like magic, an alluring person then steps into our vision, and they feel so right. We are confident in our understanding of narcissism, so nothing can go wrong. Right? And yet, as the honeymoon phase comes and goes, and the water temperature of the relationship gradually reaches a boiling point, we are shocked to find that it has happened again. Our new life has been gradually consumed into an updated fantasy custom-made to match it. How did this happen?

Leaving an abusive relationship and rediscovering balance is not the end of our story. All we have achieved is the psychological space and emotional clarity to start the real work. Revealing and integrating our shadow, releasing our repressed childhood trauma, facing our demons, and coming to terms with the intergenerational history which brought us here. These are the hidden realms within us that magnetise toward narcissists.

Doing the real work is hard. We need to face monstrously destabilising fear, come to terms with unbearable truths, and overcome oceans of shame. We need to undertake the hero’s journey into the core of our soul, crossing treacherous landscapes and undergoing a process of death and rebirth, before we emerge transformed and truly ready to live authentically and powerfully. I’ve described this process in detail in my second book, ‘How to Bury A Narcissist’.

Enormous danger and opportunity awaits us in our shadow, as does the key to knowing the true power of narcissists. Their fantasy world is a reflection of our shadow world. By turning the fantasy inside-out, we discover ourselves. And as long as we refuse to undertake the journey through this dark world, narcissists will remain all-powerful.

Their fate is entwined with ours.

Narcissists are very weak inside, without the attention and supply they collapse or go into a depression mode.

They are not strong, theyre toxic, they steal you’re energy and power. That’s why it’s called a Personality Disorder.

A STRONG PERSON DOES NOT NEED THE APPROVAL OF OTHERS.

https://www.quora.com/Are-narcissists-powerful

[tellomon]

Why are narcissists so childish? What went so wrong in their childhood?

You know how some people have an intellectual disability? Well, narcissists have an emotional disability. They have the emotional IQ of a child/adolescent.

Remember how we would seek attention in the form of approval from our parents when we were kids? Narcissists likely didn’t get that approval, which is important for emotional health.

Instead, they were criticized or constantly compared negatively to another sibling or just plain ignored. Sometimes I am sure it’s a combination of all these factors.

What they came to discover was that when people do give them approval, it feels good; it regulates their self-esteem. And, like a drug addict, they want more. And also like a drug addict, their need impairs their judgement and their relationships with others.
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Apart from narcissistic injury, a narcissist can never take anything seriously. This is what lies at the core of their vexatious nature, they have a compulsively childish take on everything. Everything is secretly a joke to them.

It is this inability to ever take anything seriously that lies at their duplicity, because an earnest, authentic person experiences difficulty at being duplicitous, and this difficulty increases with the level of authenticity. Duplicitous roleplaying is difficult for authentic, no nonsense people.

The situation is different for a narcissist, they only roleplay because they only function from their masks or false selves. They are always playing with everything, including with your impression of them, and even with themselves.

Instead of a solid identity, they have play, identity itself is a game for them.

The game does not stop when you get hurt, because the game never stops and it never ends. The game must go on, lying endlessly and playing with your feelings. Nothing is real. There is never an occasion to take things seriously.

But making merry is not the only form of play, being horrid and hurting things is also a form of play, and so is making merry at causing hurt.

When you see them acting like children, you are seeing the closest thing to their true selves. This mask of the child lies at the deepest level and is the final door that guards what’s truly inside them.

But the child mask is still also just play, it is still not truly themselves, it is playing with your nurturing emotions, playing at being cute and adorable, playing at sucking all attention for themselves, playing with denial of the fact that they are not children, and playing with the pretense that they are too childlike to take responsibility.

The child mask is the true reflection of the insincerity that lies at their core and is their statement to the world that they reject the decency and thoughtfulness that is the requirement of being an adult. This is also why so many of them are jokers and comedians. You get away with so much more if you refuse to be serious.

It is a reflection of a lack of conscientiousness
We are wired to accept behavior from children that we wouldn’t accept from other people, and this exploits that
It is being childlike when they are hurting you that disturbs me the most
Defensive, hypersensitive people don’t mature, they just grow old
Update 30/7/2019

Cutesiness.

Cutesiness is a very strong sign of narcissism.

I’m not really talking about the regression to infantilism between lovers and intimate people (i.e baby talk) in private. I’m talking about those who are cutesy towards strangers and to the public in general.

Because the heart of all cutesiness is self-indulgence.

And all self-indulgence is self-exaltation.

Self-exaltation is what the DSM calls grandiosity.

Mockery is the motivating intent behind narcissistic acts of childishness.

The mockery of accountability.
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At what age is the personality formed ?

Experts are divided as to when the personality is formed. Some say that our personality traits are formed in the womb, by age seven or in adolescence. It’s the old ‘nature v nurture’ debate but my personal belief is that by the age of seven, our personalities are formed.

However as we mature, the personality evolves and we do have the ability to reevaluate our core beliefs, values and personality styles. This does take a lot of conscious thought and a level of maturity because we revert back to our formative coping mechanisms, when under pressure.

Are narcissists childish because they regret what happened in childhood?

Looking at how a narcissistic personality is formed within a highly dysfunctional family may throw some light on the matter. Our survival instincts demand that we will do anything in order to survive childhood, even if that means throwing our siblings under the proverbial bus. As we age, our ability for reflection, awareness of self -destructive patterns of behaviour usually results in an evolving personality.

The dynamics of surviving a highly narcissistic parent are that you either join them aka the golden child or become a target of their abuse which leaves you the scapegoat. Other siblings try to fly under the radar thankful that they have not been assigned any of these two roles and by default become ‘flying monkeys’ within the family. This is child abuse but the ‘golden child’ is a groomed child and doesn’t see the parent’s obsession of them as abuse. It takes a highly self-aware narcissist to regret a childhood where they were God like. The scapegoat has a better chance of regretting their abusive childhood if they can recognise that they operate constantly in victim mode.

What child willingly chooses a role that will distort their worldview, give false sense of entitlement and whose need for the ‘perfect love’ will disappoint time after time? Both the young malignant narcissist and the scapegoat will chase the elusive dream of unconditional love for the rest of their lives, never having known unconditional love in childhood. The need to be accepted despite your faults is a very powerful incentive to keep searching for it outside of yourself.

They both will react childishly to any given situation as adults, because of those formative coping mechanisms. They subconsciously recreate their childhoods and procreate new victims.

https://www.quora.com/Why-are-narcissists-so-childish-What-went-so-wrong-in-their-childhood

[tellomon]

How do you get over a narcissist without answers from them?

You get over a narcissist by understanding the mentality of a narcissist.

In the beginning stages of healing from narcissistic abuse, it is very important to do plenty of research on NPD and read about other people's experience in narcissistic relationships.

Importantly, when you understand that the narcissist deliberately did not give you closure in order to keep you obsessing over them, well this knowledge is your closure and you soon start to feel that this closure is enough.

You may also find yourself “trauma-bonded” with the narcissist, which is a form of addiction to them. The constant push-pull over many years altered the chemistry of your brain and created this addiction towards them, however like any chemical addiction this wears off over time. It can take several months to feel this is finally starting to leave your system, but time is your ally here.

Finally, understand that you have experienced a very negative contrasting experience with the narcissistic, which has given you the opportunity to notice several areas in which you can improve and grow yourself. Embrace the opportunities for personal growth, and become a better version of yourself!
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The answers are there you just aren’t looking. The way they treated you tells you everything you need to know. When actions and words don’t match up you trust the action. Now write everything you need to say to them on a piece of paper. Write a lot. Never send it but burn it to release that negative energy into the universe.

Cut all the cords they have attached to you. Close your eyes and picture their eyes. You should feel cords everywhere. Take a imaginary knife and cut them all. Some will be hard to get. Keep working at it. This took me months to complete. Make a list of all their negative qualities and refer to it every time you find yourself in love bomb land. Everything you hate about them down to the smallest detail.

Now make a list of everything that is positive about yourself and hang it on your fridge. Read this everyday. Now promise yourself you will never beg a man to love you again.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-get-over-a-narcissist-without-answers-from-them