Author Topic: Tales From The Narc Side  (Read 25959 times)

tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #600 on: June 11, 2024, 10:52:11 AM »
Does a narcissist ever question
their bad behavior?

Absolutely not.

Narcissists will never question their bad behavior. Narcissists never take accountability for what they do. Narcissists lack the ability to self-reflect. They consistently blame others for their own mistakes and feelings. Narcissists have the ability to turn things around, making them someone else’s problem.

If narcissists take accountability, then they have to admit the fact that they have done wrong in a relationship. For narcissists, admitting is surrendering; they will not admit their mistakes to look flawed.

Narcissists are emotionally like kids who have never learned to take responsibility and accountability. Narcissists expect people around them to learn to fix things to keep relations going.
_____________________________________

Not a chance.

Having gotten away with their lousy behaviour since they were knee high why should they get a guilt trip now.

If they are called out, then expect the tables to turn with a whole raft of reasons why it's someone else [usually you ] that’s the one with all the issues, and its not only them that think that way. Etc etc, lie, lie.

As the saying goes if your looking for someone to change then you are in for a hell of a long wait and narcissists fit the bill perfectly. And don’t expect them to mellow with age either. The bad news is they they just worse. Having pissed everyone off up to this point, and being left stranded, their attention seeking antics simply get more and more extreme.

Arrogance and delusion do little for self awareness.

Suggest read chapters ‘Narcissists and attention’ and ‘The Aging narcissist’ in book entitled:

‘Prepare to be tortured. The price you will pay for dating a narcissist’.

Available amazon books and audio.


https://narsholethelonelygrifter.quora.com/Does-a-narcissist-ever-question-their-bad-behavior
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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #601 on: June 11, 2024, 11:00:08 AM »
Narcissists Believe
They Are The Victim




@machstem2536
9 months ago
Psychopathic criminals are what all narcissists are.

@julianterris
10 months ago (edited)
When narcissists assume a victim's identity/story not only do they deceive the people that have tried to love them, they also rob actual victims of the support they deserve. ~TY L.S.

@persiamotorman
10 months ago
The sociopath I know was told "no" by his landlord. In response, he threatened the maintenance guy and the landlord which got him an eviction notice. He told them "I'll make you pay for this!" So, he set fire to the building. When the police arrested him, he was screaming "You ruined my life! (Victim)".

@ronaldculley
3 days ago
Damaged goods.
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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #602 on: June 11, 2024, 11:36:42 AM »
Do toxic narcissists underestimate their victims?


Absolutely yes.

Narcissists believe they are smarter and superior to their victims. Narcissists think that if they can fool you, it means you are not smart enough. For narcissists, everything is competition. If narcissists have the ability to manipulate and cheat on you, then you deserve to be punished. If you were smart enough, you could have stopped them or figured them out.

Narcissists feel they are superior to you, so they can treat you in whatever way they want to. Narcissists think weak individuals deserve to be cheated on and abused.

Narcissists downfall starts when they start underestimating the people they abuse. Narcissists get caught and figured out, and in the end, they start losing people. There comes a time when there is no one left to support narcissists.

All narcissists are toxic.
_________________________________________

Yes,they do.

Narcissists often underestimate the intelligence and capabilities of their victims or targets.

This belief in their superiority and control is a key aspect of narcissistic personality disorder.

They may assume that their manipulation and deceit will continue to work indefinitely, failing to recognize when someone is on to their scam.

Narcissists are known for deflecting, counter-accusing, gaslighting, and making false concessions when confronted with evidence of their harmful behavior.

They often view targets who can think critically and challenge their actions as weak or deserving of punishment.

Emotional intelligence is particularly threatening to narcissists because they lack an understanding of it and believe that targets cannot self-validate.

When victims extend forgiveness out of compassion and empathy, narcissists always abuse and betray this trust.

The more a victim stands up to a narcissist and refuses to be manipulated, the more the narcissist fear and respect them.

Ultimately, a narcissist’s underestimation of their victims' strength, intelligence, and determination can lead to the target gaining power in the relationship or situation.
_____________________________________

I’d say never just because once a person becomes a narcissist victim that role is set for them. There’s lots of trauma bonding brainwashing word salad all kinds of gaslighting that occurs in order for the victim not to be able to think straight for long enough to realize what’s going on.




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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #603 on: June 11, 2024, 12:04:03 PM »
What is the best way to
confront a narcissist for someone who has been
through it?

Honestly, I doubt there is any point in confronting a narcissist. My ex spotted me at Target years after he abused me and I left. He actually acted like we were friends and asked me about how I was doing. It was literally like the abuse never happened. I have to wonder if they have “selective amnesia” about the things they did wrong.
______________________________________

Yes, I have done that.

It doesn't really work because they have their own version of reality and rationale doesn't really apply to it. Plus, they're “never wrong” & everything is always “your fault”.

They do not like for Facts and Truth to interfere with what they're doing. They don't like it when you stand up for yourself. They don't like to be told or shown that they're wrong. They do not want to be reasoned with.
Most of all, they don't want to be exposed.
______________________________________

Don’t do it.

It’ll be a waste of time. You must play your position right if you plan to do this because you can expect the narcissist to discard or ghost you and you’ll never see it coming.

So make sure you have enough money to move out and get your own place or make sure you have somewhere to live. Remember if you find yourself constantly confronting a narcissist and repeatedly getting on to them about the same problem over and over again then this person is not trying to change.

Hell, they are unable to change period. Confronting the narcissist is basically unmasking them. Be careful because some even go into narcissistic rage.
___________________________________________

“Can” or “should” a narcissist be confronted? This is the question often presented by those who have doubts about the nature of their opponent.

Narcissists are unique. They can be confronted but should be ignored, instead. Having options is the key strategy when facing the reality that a devious person presents him/herself to you. Do not react. Instead step back, way back, and realize these predators do not care how they affect you.

They do not take confrontation lightly.
Confrontation will trigger the reservoir of rage which is the underbelly of their discontent. Discontent and contempt are two different sides of the same coin. Once the rage escalates, narcissists are at their most hostile, devious, delusional and destructive. Why confront a monster when you can simply disconnect . The possibility or probability of being badly defeated should be considered.

Be wise, let go.
Accept that you are in dangerous territory.

Revenge is best served cold. Vindictiveness is difficult to counter and only tends to spiral out of control. Best to control the field by balancing your short term satisfactions with your long term goals. Anything you feed will grow. Therefore, if you feed this disturbed ego it will become monstrous. Keep the attention on the narcissist muted, subliminal and under wraps. Don’t give away your insights to the opponent you are dealing with.

Narcissistic encounters are often mind numbing. Your emotional energy and well being must be protected from narcissistic assaults. Learning what motivates the narcissist is your best defense in any confrontational situation. Power hungry, status conscious, insecure and irrational people are inherently unstable.

Emotionally, narcissists lack a coherent response strategy. They are unpredictable and distorted in their thinking and behavior. If you know you are facing a time bomb, why would you set it off?


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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #604 on: June 11, 2024, 12:37:24 PM »
What can
narcissistic rage
lead to?
:tazdev:

Narcissistic rage leads to distraction.

The narcissist is raging because they have been caught out, exposed, revealed as the idiot hypocrite they truly are.

Their rage is to distract you from their hypocrisy.

If you are stronger than them, you can mock and ridicule them, make sport of them as psychopaths do, publically humiliating them because how dare they.

If you are not, you must distract them.

Remain calm. Becoming overly submissive will just excite them further and make you look guilty.

Focus on the solution.

Disarm them with your interest in their supposed problem.

Reason with them, not to cause conflict, but to look for answers. Take the part not of an opponent, but of an extra brain, trying to help them find solutions to regain their grandiosity.

Exhaust them.

Wear them out.

There's no opponent here.

They're just swinging in the wind.

Remain calm.

But....
.... be prepared to defend yourself physically.

Without signalling that you will.

Scan the room for weapons, exits, formulate a plan if you are attacked.

Remain calm.

Keep them talking.

You will take your revenge for their impertinence later.
_____________________________________

Physical abuse. A life of hell! Complete mental torture.

We develop PTSD.

Therapy for the victim.

No apology just blame on the victim for the rage. Everything is our fault!

Silent treatment because we didn’t breathe right and we caused them to rage.

victim will have to apologize just to find peace. Then they may love bomb you back, just to rage all over again when you ask a simple question!

They never change!
_______________________________________

I know in my heart what it can truly lead to. And I am waiting. It is coming. These people (I believe) are capable of anything and all things.). They are committed to destroying someone. Even if it is only one person they are able to destroy at a time…they will find the way to do it.

They have no soul. It has gone away. Please remember that they choose this path. They are not innocent. God has given them many chances to be saved and to re-direct this lives and thoughts.
___________________________________________

What can narcissistic rage lead to?

It can lead to murder.

The first time I experience narcissistic rage, was a year into it, the day he dropped the bullshit mask and lead me into a world of shite.

He flipped into a rage because, he flagged me down on his bike, less than a block from our house, in a torrential downpour, while I was driving a topless jeep, and I didn't pull over?

I never found out what tf he needed me to pull over for or why he would get that mad over it.

If you ask why they are so mad or even look at them, it's the wrong way, and a perceived slight.

If you turn and walk away to disengage, you best watch your back. The ex nark, I dealt with, hurled a heavy, thick glassed rum bottle, directed at the back of my head that night.

I never even saw it coming, he never lost his temper with me, so I didn't expect it but I sure felt the wind, right before it busted into a mirror that exploded into a thousand pieces, all over me, literally less than a foot from my face. Lucky for me, he was aiming to miss?

When a nark goes into a rage, it's chaotic confusion for the victim. You don't know what caused the nark to have such violent raging anger but whatever it was, it's ALL your fault and you are the new target from then on out.

All you can do is sit there in disbelief, as the nark destroys one thing after another, while they keep looking back, to make sure they have your full attention.

If you try to stand up for yourself or say anything during their rages, it can also lead to the following:

A blitz attack, while you're in mid sentence.

A trip to the ER.

Your personal belongings being destroyed, like your fender strat being thrown into the
yard.

Your pet being kicked, picked up by the ear, slammed into that closed door or thrown across the room.

Picking up your pet and cradling him in the narx arms, while threatening to kill the mofo, if you say one more FELAFELEN word.

Threats of physically violence against you.

Threats to kill you, murder you, commiting suicide or a double suicide.

Things that you shared with the nark in an intimate setting, either thrown in your face, or threats to use as blackmail.

If say you're going to call the police, the nark will threaten to rat you out on your pot stash and remind you that they own the FELAFELEN town and no one will believe your stupid ass anyway.

Tell you that he never acted like this in past relationships, raging or breaking everything in the house with anyone other than YOU.

Make phone calls to previous exes (demoted flying monkey) in front of you on speaker phone asking them if the nark ever went into a rage, breaking sh!t while he was with them? The X DFM say, “No, she brings out the worst in you.” Hangs up and says, “See, you stupid fk, you made me do this sh!t!”

Have the ex wife (another demoted flying monkey) come over the next day to pick up her child and witness the aftermath of his rage, only to belittle and blame you for it, to try and be convinced that it's your fault.

It leads to a never-ending cycle of abuse in Hell with a Demon Troll and could possibly end your life.

Bye Troll!!!
Bye demoted circus freaks!!!
______________________________________

Assault.
Physical mental and emotional child abuse.
Malicious destruction of property.
Arson.
Attempted murder.
False statement to the police and to a judge.
Wrongful prosecution.
Grand Theft.
Perjury in a court of law.
Spiteful marital infidelity.

I know that I left some out. Most of these are personal experience. Some of the experiences of people that I know and trust.

Narcissistic behavior is dangerous, particularly cluster B malignant narcissists. They lack basic human empathy. You could be dying from a heart attack and they wouldn't even look for a phone to call an ambulance.

That actually happened to me.
Think about that.
______________________________________

Their rages are terrifying and senseless. They can be fine one moment, and then break into a rage out of nowhere.

With me and the ex-narcissist, this happened mostly in the car when he was driving. It got so bad that he would try to run into other cars on purpose, trying to scare me. He would scream at me and try to drown my voice out. He would also take his anger out on other people, or anyone who was there at the time.

I don't like recalling the words he would call me. He called me some very horrible words, language that I would never use. Just totally vulgar. He would say that I was stupid, just out of nowhere.

I think that is what is so dangerous about malignant narcissists and psychopaths. This unpredictability. You never know when it is going to happen. You may end up becoming like one of the victims in a Daily Mail article.

Also, I remember towards the end, I started resenting being around him. Once, we went to a lodge during winter, and I felt like I didn’t want to be with him anymore. He brought a negative energy everywhere we went.

It was almost as if people could sense his hostility, because they would act like that with him before he even opened his mouth.

It was almost as if bad things followed him.

I noticed this happening more and more with time. One day I will write about the supernatural occurrences that happened around him, and I will include that in my book.

Maybe they do actually get their karma.



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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #605 on: June 11, 2024, 01:22:59 PM »
What makes/causes a narcissist to collapse?

A collapse happens when the narcissist doesn't have anybody to go to. From what I've seen, a collapse can happen when the narcissist has a very close, probably romantic partner that they have relied on very heavily for the supply, and this partner has really never let them down.

This partner has always provided them all the reassurance they need, has always reacted to them emotionally to all their provocations. They've been very, very dependable, and then all of a sudden, they stop reacting. Maybe they didn't really have any backups ready.

I think this can also happen in a situation where a narcissist really doesn't have any control over anything. An example of this may be when a narcissist is perhaps incarcerated or maybe committed to a mental hospital for some reason, or maybe any situation in which a narcissist is forced to realize that he or she really doesn't have control over the whole world, that the narcissist is capable of being overpowered, that there are others that may, at times, have authority over the narcissist, that the narcissist cannot defy.

Being forced to reckon with reality, being forced to recognize that they are not the center of the universe, can cause a collapse.
________________________________________

What makes/causes a narcissist to collapse?

Its the same mechanism that causes a narcissist to need excessive admiration.
The resources, kindness, love, admiration, money etc being devoured by the person prevents collapse.

Now what would cause this terrible need?

Its the way the person thinks. A narcissist does not believe in innate value. They believe value exists in the outside world.

They devalue their inner core.

Very big deal.

Somehow, somewhere, they agreed with some horrible thought, that whispered
“You are nothing”

“I know” responded the person.

And they almost collapsed.

Instead of collapsing, they bargained: they would trade any and everything to be something.

“Ok,” responded the horrible thought.

So first they must forget they are nothing.

Because you see, to build something you need a foundation.

I am Nothing is not a stable foundation.

So the little horrible voice did its thing, and their foundation became “ I am the best.”

I mean, if you’re going to build something out of thin air, it might as well be your most desired fantasy. Something worth it to counteract the worthless.

The person was relieved.

Now they have to keep this foundation going. Keep this feeling alive, in order to have or be or do anything.

Without the foundation, I am the best, they are nothing.

Without the outside world giving them the value they lack on the inside, they collapse.

After all, all value exists externally.

Because there’s nothing to you says the horrible voice.

This aches.
But the narcissist refuses to feel it.

Instead they think “I need admiration”. “I am the best”
“I trade whatever it takes to make sure everyone knows I am the best”

They need everything to combat the voice.
After all, that was the deal.

Trade everything so that you can keep this pretend foundation in place.
If you have nothing to trade you will collapse.
You give to the voice, but you never stop to ask if its a liar.

And it never stops talking to you.
_________________________________

Narcissistic collapse is a phenomenon that occurs when a narcissist's grandiose sense of self is shattered and they experience a profound loss of self-esteem and self-worth.

This can be caused by a number of factors, such as a significant life event that challenges their sense of superiority or invincibility, a perceived betrayal or abandonment by someone they value, or a sudden realization that their behavior has caused harm to others.

When a narcissist experiences a collapse, they may become depressed, anxious, or even suicidal. It is important to note that while narcissistic collapse can be a painful experience for the individual, it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-reflection.
___________________________________________

Here’s my answer from a similar question. I added an edit at the bottom to explain what it is:

There was a point in all 3 of my marriages where I saw the beginning stages of a collapse. I only knew what I was looking at the last time it happened, but it was pretty incredible every time, and not in a good way.

These 3 individuals were as different from each other as night and day, but their collapsing selves could have all been the same person. You know when you’re watching a horror movie and you see the classic scene where someone is begging and pleading for their life? You know how every time you see a scene like that, you’re basically seeing the exact same person? No matter what the character in the movie was like before this classic, disturbing scene, they all become the same character when they’re crying, begging and pleading for their life.

It’s kind of like that.

They become very child like. Very helpless and terrified. Very erratic and irrational. Their faces contort the same way. They are like burn victims with no skin. There’s nothing left to protect them. They’re like helpless starving babies. It doesn’t matter if it’s a grown middle aged man who’s a business owner and a community leader who mentors people and maintains a stable upper class life.

Suddenly without warning, he’s a helpless terrified child. And there’s nothing you can do but stare in horror. It’s not something you ever forget. Each time this happened, it followed severe devaluation and abuse, because it happened when I finally got hurt badly enough to pull away from them, but I never felt any kind of satisfaction or revenge when I saw this.

I don’t know what they are feeling when they are going through this, but I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, which is literally what all 3 of them were in the moment it was happening. It looks like they’re being swallowed by the gates of hell.

Edit: Decompensation, or collapse, is when a narcissist loses “supply” and doesn’t have a back up plan. It’s when the routines and people they have established fail. These routines and people are put in place for the narcissist to have a reliable way to support their ego and shield themselves from the pain of their damaged self esteem.

In other words, these things are used to support the false persona they have created. When “supply” fails, they are forced to acknowledge on some level that their false ego isn’t real and that they really are only what they really are. The damaged, hurt, dysfunctional “true self” is exposed when the false ego, which normally protects it, has crumbled from lack of validation.

People sometimes think they are seeing the narcissist’s “true self” when the narcissist is being cruel and abusive. They’re not. The closest you’ll ever get to seeing their true self is when you see them collapse.


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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #606 on: June 11, 2024, 01:28:42 PM »



:monalisa:
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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #607 on: June 11, 2024, 01:54:28 PM »
Why does the narcissist like
to play the victim?

You're applying a rational, linear thought process to emotionally stunted, irrational & delusional individuals.

Certainly, there are more adaptive methods to empower one's self, but they wouldn't be a narcissist if they implemented those, would they?

Playing victim is an emotionally immature method of deflecting responsibility. With a narcissist, these ego defenses are subconscious & automatic.

Playing victim “allows “ the narcissist to be a historical revisionist & thus, in their minds anyway, control the narrative. If the person on the receiving end is unaware of what's happening, they can plant a seed of ever-increasing self-doubt within the other person. Someone who is riddled with self-doubt is malleable & thus easier to control.

Playing victim or eliciting pity also makes it difficult for the person being manipulated to hold the narcissist accountable. Since narcissists tend to target highly empathic individuals, their manipulative nature leans into tugging at your empathy so you feel increasingly uncomfortable holding them responsible for their appalling behavior.

So while playing victim doesn't make sense to you, narcissists don't make sense to anyone.
_____________________________________

The same way hypochondriacs and people who create Munchhausen syndrome by proxy get there’s.

Its attention.

It’s control over other people's feelings. If you portray yourself as a victim, it causes others to feel sad for you or angry over the situation that has befallen upon you. They have successfully hijacked your emotions which equals control. Some kind-hearted people may even offer up gifts or money to help them in their made up crisis. This also benefits them, not only in emotional control but monetary as well. This gives them a feeling of control due to their ability to manipulate the unassuming.

If a narcissist knows they will not be able to triumph over a situation and look like the “good guy” doing so, the next best thing is to play the victim. This allows them to maintain some sort of control, even if it’s minute.

Anything is better than nothing.

I find this type of behavior both disgusting and pathetic. Just know this: what happens in the dark will come to light. I know it sounds cliché but I trust it. You should try too.
______________________________________

They want pity from everyone. They crave it then they got to have it. It keeps them from actually looking into themselves. Because they do that, shame comes with shame and a narcissist is like oil and water. They're never in a position of weakness because they lie to everyone they can about their main Supply as we're leaving them, because that person's caught on what they're about.

And instead of listening to the main Supply (the only one who has their back and loves) they'll never open that can of worms and look at themselves because that will destroy them.

Shame is something a narcissist will never allow; they would rather die before being ashamed.
__________________________________________

They rewrite their history of abuse to avoid shame. They abuse people and then write a whole new narrative in their brain that blames the person they abused. They avoid accountability and get attention.






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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #608 on: June 11, 2024, 01:57:13 PM »
:bubbly:
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #609 on: June 11, 2024, 02:41:53 PM »
Why is it so dangerous to
interact with a narcissist?

They are ruthless. They are desperate to meet their unreasonable and undefinable needs. They are easily offended. They have little to no empathy. They do not care about the welfare of others. They are extremely entitled to absolutely anything they want. They are stuck in survival mode. They cannot trust love, so cannot receive it or give it. They have no limits.

Narcissists are like caged animals in a sense. They are viciously defending themselves against imagined threats. They will do anything. They cannot trust you.

All of this adds up to a potentially dangerous person. A person that will always believe he/she is justifiably defending him or herself. A person that imagines being attacked when they aren’t. A person that believes they are entitled to take anything or do anything for their own good, regardless of Law, consequences or civility and no matter what it costs others.

Stand in their way and they will fk you up.
You are warned.
____________________________________

Suicide, depression, anxiety, PTSD, heart ache, loss of self, loss of self esteem, loss of self respect, loss of family and friends, loss of job, home, property, youth, peace of mind, happiness, trust in people, zest for life……….

You can go crazy.
It can take months or years to recover, you will be changed forever. This total mind fk will put you down so far you won't know how you will hold a job or make it through the day. You may break down and not make it. You will struggle with even wanting to make it. It will be sure misery with them, and them pure hell without. The worst place for you will be back with them and you will know that but your whole mind body and soul will want to go back.

You can't even imagine, you really don't wanna know. You don't want the burden every single person who has been narcissistically abused carries. Trust me be one of the ones who can't understand what the big thing about narcissistic abuse is all about.

Be afraid. If you have not been narcissistically abused you will never understand it. You don't want this knowledge. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED, DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!

This is no freaking joke.
______________________________________

The danger is that you will lose yourself because the narc will strip all of your self-esteem. I wasn't myself when I was with my ex narc. At first he told me that he liked me the way I was; that I'm feisty, opinionated and smart and that he doesn't mind that I have problems but then suddenly he didn't like that about me anymore.

He criticised everything I said and made me feel that anything I said was stupid and he used my mental health again me to try to make me crazy. I'm usually very opinionated and speak my mind, but I felt that I could no longer do that. I found myself having to agree with his stupid ideas and go along with everything he said.

I lost all my dignity when he'd play mind games. He played on my fears. The more I seemed to want him the more satisfaction it seemed to give him. I was so scared he'd break up with me that I'd chase after him and beg him not to. He'd ignore me knowing that it made me more anxious and then later when he did reply write really cryptic messages that would make me more confused.

In a normal healthy relationship you shouldn't feel like you're constantly going to lose someone. In the end he discarded me because I had finally had enough and stood up for myself. He was making me so miserable that something in me just snapped. He behaved so badly the night that we broke up and he blamed me as a narc usually does, they blame everyone else. I refused to beg him and run after him. I wanted him to run after me but he didn't.

So yeah a narc will suck any energy, dignity and self-worth out of you! I was with him for 4 months and he did that to me! I can't imagine what a shell of a person he'd reduce me to if I'd been with him for much longer. My family we're so concerned; they said that I wasn't myself and I was so unhappy all the time.

If you think that you're with a narc, RUN.

Run as fast as you can and don't look back. A narc will ruin you! That's the biggest danger. Even though we broke up months ago the mental scars won't go away. I'm scared to trust any guy and let my guard down. I'm scared that I'm not good enough. I felt that I had met the Mr. Right at first with my ex, I thought that I would be truly happy but it was all a facade. My ex fooled me and I'm so scared that I'll be fooled again.
_______________________________________

Narcissists are a threat to your mental health. The most dangerous part about them is that most of the time, victims of narcissistic abuse don’t even know that they’re victims.

The narc can be very covert and charming, and can play several games to make their victims second guess themselves. Narcissists also get a jolt of energy and purpose from hurting people, and so many times they actually look for people who they can hurt and get fuel from.

Typically, they take their victims through several stages designed to break the victim down so that the victim is a codependent of the narcissist.

Check out the way that they do this:

Idealization: Narcissists get their victims attached to them by seeming like Prince (or Princess) Charming. In the very beginning stages, they’ll play a little game with you called “love bombing” where they shower you with time, attention, and sometimes even money. You’ll get addicted to this perfect treatment, and essentially, addicted to them.

Devaluation: After the narc has you hooked, he devalues you in order to give you the impression that he is above or better than you. This stage is designed to break down your self-esteem so that you won’t leave the narc. You’ll constantly doubt yourself and wonder if you’re good enough. Slowly but surely, your self-esteem will erode. This is usually the stage when the narc implements two more games: Triangulation and Gaslighting.

Triangulation is when the narc makes you feel like you’re in competition with another woman (or other women). To be clear, narcissists are NEVER faithful. Whether it be emotionally or physically, they are always cheating in some way. Cheating is a horrible offense within itself, but the narc takes his emotional affairs to another level by noticeably pulling away from you and toward other women. He wants you to compete harder for his attention.
The narc plays this game because he wants you to chase him.

Gaslighting is when the narc makes you believe that everything is your fault. He cheated? Oh, that was only because you were never around. He lied? That’s only because you are hard to talk to. He puts you down when he talks to you? Well clearly if you had taken better care of yourself, he wouldn’t have to point out the obvious. In the narc’s eyes, nothing is ever his fault. It’s always yours.

The Discard: This is the last stage of the relationship cycle with a narc. Because the narc’s goal is to ultimately gain fuel from hurting you, he will abandon you in the worst way possible when he feels like you can’t adequately satisfy him anymore.

This abandonment has nothing to do with you.

In fact, victims should take it as a compliment that the narc feels like he can no longer use and control them. This cruel way of abandoning you is the narc’s way of getting to witness all of your hurt and pain. It’ll give him great power to realize that he is the one who caused all of that pain.

To make matters worse, after they’ve put you through this entire relationship cycle, they try to restart it through a technique called “Hoovering.”

They’ll try to suck you back into the relationship by saying and doing all of the right things. But, the end result of a relationship with a narcissist never changes. He’ll discard you for a second, third, and fourth time with no regret.

If narcs wore a sign that read, “I’m lying about who I am. I really just want to hurt you for fun,” then they may not be as big of a threat. After all, at least people would know what they’re getting into.

But because narcs are such skilled liars, they are dangerous to anyone who they set eyes on.
______________________________________

They can figure you out in a blink of an eye. What you like, dislike, what buttons to push to get positive responses and which buttons to push to destroy you when they are ready.

They can get past even the toughest defenses by mirroring you and complementing everything you do, say and think. They’re literally, secretly killing you with kindness and you don’t even have a clue. They have been doing this all their lives and I don’t care how intelligent, savvy, worldly you are, you’re no match for a life long con artist.

Have you ever watched a Vegas show, where a “slight of hand” performer will pick someone from out of an audience and while talking to them steal their watch, keys and wallet right in front of them and neither they nor the audience ever sees how it happens? That’s what a narcissist does to your emotions, self worth, and mind…only they don’t let you in on what they have done to you.

They’re so dangerous because they control you without you even suspecting it. Then they’ll use that control to torture, enslave, manipulate you and in the end destroy you…and you’ll never see it coming. Then they’ll disappear leaving you to blame yourself. It all started when they figured you out in the very beginning. The moment you said,”Hi, I’m…”

Update: I’ve had a few comments that I make the narcissist sound super-human, so I want to make this perfectly clear: No, to me they are sub human. Only someone below humanity would do these horrible things to an unsuspecting soul. How do you beat them, recognize the signs and get away from them as fast and far as you can.



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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #610 on: June 11, 2024, 03:21:39 PM »
Do narcissists know
they hurt people?

They don’t care.

This is hard to explain, because you could say “yes” and you could also say “no”, but either answer is going to be interpreted through your perspective, which is not their perspective.

Even saying “They don’t care” does not convey how they experience this, because you look at it from what it would mean for YOU to not care if you were hurting someone. It’s not the same kind of “don’t care”.

They don’t understand what it means to hurt someone. They only understand how it makes THEM feel to control someone else’s emotions. They have little to no empathy. They don’t understand that you have feelings outside of how your reactions make them feel. They know that they’re hurting you, but they are not emotionally mature enough to relate to what that even means. It’s a vague concept. And it’s a concept that they couldn’t care less about. Your feelings are not even an after thought.

They can see you crying. They can see you are upset. But there is no “you” behind the tears. Your tears only exist to either make them feel powerful, annoyed or indifferent.

Other than how THEIR feelings are affected by your displays of emotion, nothing else exists. You aren’t a real person. Only they are. You display emotion, but only they have feelings. They are the only thing that matters. You are a prop in a movie about them. You are a thing that does stuff for them. They are the sun and you are a planet. They are the star of the movie and you are an extra. You aren’t real. You don’t matter. You only exist to serve their needs. Do they know they’re hurting you? They don’t even understand that question. Why would it matter?
_______________________________________________

Yes.

Mine finds it quite amusing. I picture him like the Cheshire cat, toying around with little mice and digging his claws into them when they attempt to leave. Not only does he know he hurts people, he makes it appear as if he is just playing with them or tempts them into coming closer to him with something that does not hurt, with the sole intention of hurting them once they are close enough. Do not be fooled by the purring or helpless yelps. Would you just ignore this? What type of person could…?

He never moves, he makes you come to him. That way, it was “your decision.” He does not believe he is truly hurting anyone, as he smirks, because after all, they are the ones who decided to come to him. He knows it hurts. He resolves that you wanted it, so it must not hurt too bad. You wanted the seduction and pleasure, you wanted to help, you wanted to save the yelping kitten.

Withholding, deceit, coercion, enticement, and seduction all work together to position you. How the kitten looks depends on how you want it to look. He puts great effort into crafting and portraying these things but later pretends as if you are just so eager to be hurt that he is only aiding in the inevitable. If you are going to be a junkie, you might as well be his.

Welcome to Wonderland, stay a while. As an ex heroin dealer, he understood quite well how to administer just the right amount of antidote to get you to lay down. There, there.

All Narcissists think like this. You wanted to get high anyway, so the fact that they gave it to you for free, or let you sleep on their couch while you did so, doesn't make them responsible. In fact, it makes you ungrateful because it could have been worse. Oh you liked it, you wanted it, you're so selfish, and they aren't the others.

There is almost like a pride taken in being the worst of the worst, because of the contrast of “good.” Yeah, I'm killing you, but not really because I am giving you what you wanted. I could be pimping you out too, but I am so noble that I am not. I know it hurts, but you expect perfection. You said you would love me for me? Unconditionally. Cheshire, yelping, back and forth. I've given you shelter, and given you protection and comfortability to make your withdrawals bearable.

And I'm right here, when you come down. Shhhhhh. I have not even mentioned the euphoric highs! You weren't complaining then! ;) You know they feel good.. don't you? “Fair exchange isn't robbery.” If it hurts so bad, why do you keep coming back? On and on and on with how much I hurt you. *blank stare* Are you ready to feel good again? Let's just forget about all of this, start over, run away, I'm sowwwwie…

It just goes in a loop. They are heartless, soulless individuals. How I wrote it seems harsh, but if he could say it out loud, and much of it he did, this is what it would look like. It is not your fault. They use everything about you to create the high, make you dependent on it, use push and pull tactics to make you demand it, give it back, take it away, offer it back when you are finally sober, and then leave.

The high is not sex, money, an escape from your past, financial stability, or protection. It is not even feelings of helping them after they play the victim, or the bond the two of you share in regard to how others have hurt or failed you. They “know" all of these things to be true.

The high is how these things are manipulated to reflect your own self image, that looks as if it is melting in the mirror before your eyes. Bigger, then so small, like Alice. Who are you anymore? They purposely expose you to the deepest parts of yourself, which is why when they are gone, they are hard to look at. It is not that you are so ugly that you can not bare to look at yourself.

It is most definitely NOT that they know you more than you know yourself. They don't even know themselves. It is that they studied you, molded your dosage into just enough to make you feel good, but not so overwhelming that you couldn't take it, and increased it over time. Then, they began reducing it (your image, “the high you are after"), and regardless of whether or not you understand why, you begin making demands, looking for it, begging for them/it not to disappear.

Through mirroring and projection, it feels like they are taking you with them, and leaving you as them. IT IS NOT TRUE!!! They start the process all over, and you look crazy because you feel like you need it/them. It is what they have taken that you need, which is the good, pure aspects about you. They illuminate who you are in the beginning, but slowly pick away all that you are. By doing so, it appears as if you need them to validate who you are, but you do not.

When you sober up, you realize they were only hurting you with you. They are dealers, all of them. Dealers all need suppliers or they have NO PRODUCT. The product that they are dealing you exists within you. The way they portray you to others has been “cut,” behind closed doors. The image in the mirror can not leave on its own.

If it hurts, it is because you are holding onto it. Don't let go. Don't be afraid of it. Underneath all that they have cut it with, to make it impure, is still you. You know who you are, and if nothing else, the way they purposely hurt you will help you discover who you are not.

Cutting heroin on the street makes it sell faster, and makes the product last longer, equaling more profit for the dealer in the long run. If heroin is not cut, a dealer makes no money. For Narcissists, “money" is the same as power & control. They could give a fk less what they have to use; fentanyl, rat poison, who cares. They do not care how it hurts others; it isn't personal, its business.

Heroin, in its purest form, is the most valuable. The purest form of you exists with or without them and all their add ins. The purest form of you can only be supplied by you. Without you, as the base, there is no product, at all. They know it hurts you to be cut, but it helps them. What hurts them is if you remove you. The only way to make sure this never happens is to make it seem like you are a different ingredient - one of the add ins, or to take your purity and delude it, to make it as if all ingredients are one in the same, making it impossible to “go back.”

It isn't true. They sell it all, to their fans, other women, flying monkeys, and the people in your life. They sold it to you. Cool. Every dealer must still re-up. The thing they re-up on is your innocence, naivety, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, and understanding. Never forget. If they “sell" you at your purest form, they do not make anything and remain broke.

Do not give them any of the above. They do not want these things in their purest form. They want them because they are “the base.” The mix ins will come from them, without you, and they are harsh and intolerable alone. They know this. YOU are made to feel like an addict, but in reality you are the supplier. When they come back to re-up, refuse.

Protect your purity at all costs. You're not addicted, insane, or out of line to want to hold on to yourself. You are obligated to. Make the motherfker go broke and search to find their own pieces, the ones you already have in yourself, that they do not, and collapse, whatever. You are the supplier. And truly, if you read it over, with all they do to obtain it, they are the junkies.

Starve them.
______________________________________________

Yes.
YES THEY DO
It is who they are…it is their nature.
And they enjoy it very much, your suffering is actually what makes them feel good.

I’ve lived around these people my entire life and I have noticed this is the case.

Many of you can’t fathom someone who was the love of your life is now a monster who could absolutely care less about your existence and loves to watch you fail because of THEM.

It’s unspeakable to you that someone like this could actually exist.

Well, the truth is that EVIL does exist on planet earth and you are now a witness to it.

It’s a betrayal and destruction like no other on this planet.

The Devil is in the details…


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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #611 on: June 11, 2024, 03:45:16 PM »
THE SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE
OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE

Only survivors know the insidious depths of narcissistic abuse. Even psychologists today still don’t know everything about narcissism, so there’s so much to uncover. This leaves room for analyzing and theorizing various perspectives that can help us bring clarity to such a complex issue. It could also help us heal because you will never get the closure you need from your past abuser(s), so knowledge becomes your closure and divine wisdom gives you the peace of mind that’s been long overdue.

The spiritual perspective uncovers the unseen layers of narcissistic abuse, which we know leave invisible scars. For something to leave invisible scars, that would mean the abuse had to be psychological and spiritual in some form. These are abstract concepts that are unseen, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

OUR ENERGY IS MULTIDIMENSIONAL

Spiritual energy is present in the body. Just because we can’t see it physically doesn’t mean it’s not there. Most people don’t believe the spiritual realm exists, leaving them with so many unanswered questions and a lack of understanding as to WTF has happened and how to heal from it. This confusion and lack of direction makes the pain much more excruciating – that’s why narcissists never give you closure. Closure brings peace and they don’t want you to have that. They want you to go crazy for them because that is how they control you.

Narcissistic abuse tends to be invisible as it leaves no physical evidence (unless they’re also physically abusive). It still damages the brain and disrupts homeostasis (the balance of your body), which could leave you with physical ailments and medical issues overtime. Stress does kill and that is a fact.

Your energy gets drained. There’s no way to track or measure the amount, but that doesn’t negate the fact that your energy is getting depleted. The mere presence of an abusive individual can cause anxiety to rise which affects not only the circulation of the blood, but also your energy. In Eastern Medicine, they call it “Qi,” then there’s the “Meridian lines” of the body. Both concepts are fascinating to research.

From my understanding, these are energy points and trauma can cause blockages around your body which can lead to chronic muscle pain and stiffness, nerve pain (like sciatica), and in some cases fibromyalgia. It is a known psychological fact that “trauma is stored within the body because abuse impacts you on a cellular level.” I’ve read that somewhere. This can include nerve cells as well.

Neural pathways can be slowed down or have blockages, causing short attention span, mental fogginess, delayed learning, short-term memory loss, and emotional dysregulation. Constant gaslighting for years can cause these symptoms to arise, making it hard to think clearly and make the right moves. It’s easy to manipulate a mind that’s broken, which is why they try to break you – that’s the only way they can keep you.

THE DARK ENERGY OF THE SOULLESS ONES

When we get abused, our bodies can feel our Spirit getting hit. Being in the presence of an evil individual can drain you of your life force, especially when you don’t know what’s going on. An encounter with a narcissist is a form of spiritual warfare because they carry demons within them that they refuse to rebuke because they have accepted them for so long. They become so twisted as they relish in the suffering of others that they become no different than demons. They get to a point where “they are given away to a reprobate mind” because they have used their free will to do evil for their own sick pleasure, causing their mind to become useless.

A person who enjoys hurting innocent people does not feel remorse, so how can they actually repent when they don’t even feel bad about what they’ve done? If anything, they do everything to hide the truth, destroy their victims, and smear the names of the truthtellers who survived or witnessed the injustice.

The longer the soulless ones carry on their trail of destruction, the more abusive and toxic they get as they age. The demonic energy has fermented inside of them for so long, and without repentance, they are going to get worse. So, being around these types of individuals can make you fall ill, go insane, or hit an early grave. Them draining you of your energy through verbal annihilation, body shaming, blame-shifting, identity-stealing, dream-killing, triangulating, neglecting, disrespecting, cheating, love deprivation, manipulating, emotional blackmailing, intimidating, etc… all of this is robbing you of your life source, which makes you age faster. The body is working too hard to keep up, and on a deeper level, your spiritual energy is being zapped out of you to such an extent where you feel dead. The soulless ones want your soul to be dead. They want to convert you to nothingness.

They view your light as a “threat,” so they want to eradicate it because that’s the only way the darkness can shine. The demons inside of them are feeding off of your energy. It’s like having tapeworms – no matter how much you eat, it never goes to you, and your body is left malnourished. They’re pretty much eating you alive because the evil in them hates the light inside of you, which is spiritual warfare – the battle between light and darkness. The envy inside of the narcissist makes them both admire and despise their targets the same way Lucifer envied God. It was envy, arrogance, and narcissism that caused Lucifer to fall from grace because even God couldn’t trust him.

Why?

Because Lucifer wanted to take God’s place, and whenever someone wants to take your place, that means they want to destroy you. How can you trust someone who wants to get rid of your existence just so they can steal your essence?

You can’t live harmoniously with a person like that. It was so serious that despite God’s mercy, even God had to kick Lucifer out of Heaven.

RECOVERY

Once you break free from them, that’s when your healing begins, but the spiritual warfare still continues because you were left with the residue of their darkness. The malignant ones leave you with a cursed mark to ensure your self-destruction when they’re long gone, and it usually comes in the form of sexual abuse. You can read more about that here. They have left you with a “poison transfusion,” kind of like a blood transfusion, but instead of blood, it’s energy. They have stolen your good energy and left you with the negative – the dark energy they had before is now in you. They have robbed you of your will to live.

You start to experience CPTSD as a result, which includes nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts. You may experience sleep paralysis from stress, spiritual attacks, and/or possible witchcraft spells casted against you by your abuser. Spiritual warfare is waged when you decide to walk away from the demon because they have lost their source of fuel. That’s why they rage at you physically or attack you spiritually in your dreams when you walk away. They need you more than you know, and they hate that shite!

Recovering is very difficult in the beginning because you are at your most vulnerable moment. Just breaking free from them means you need to get your energy back ASAP otherwise you’ll be prone to losing yourself and possibly self-delete. This moment is like when you just finished donating plasma, and you need time to recover and replenish – that’s the healing part that you must do right after you escape from them. It is essential.

This is why it’s so easy to internalize the pain from the devaluation and discard – the toxic connection is intense and hard to break. That’s why they lovebomb so hard because they NEED you to be emotionally invested. It’s how they keep you spiritually in bondage to them, and it goes back to generational curses. Usually, you end up with people who are like your parent (of the opposite gender or same gender, depending on your sexual orientation). Not only parents, but it could also be foster parents, stepparents, caregivers, whoever was around you during your formative years. Narcissistic abuse during childhood sets you up for abusive relationships in the future if you remain unhealed and unaware of these patterns. You can read more about that here.

GENERATIONAL CURSES AND FAMILIAR SPIRITS

Generational curses continue to haunt a lineage when no one has awakened to the truth about what’s been going on – it’s too harsh for many to stomach that their family dynamic has been dysfunctional, or some fear the retaliation they’ll get for exposing the abusers.

Familiar spirits know your elders and ancestors, so they know you on a deep level. They know exactly who to send to lovebomb and deceive you. The goal of the evil is to trap you, and what better way to do that than to use a distorted view of “love” which narcissists are highly skilled at displaying. They use love as a weapon to bind us to the demon and keep us in the dark. Hence, why they call it being in a “dark place.”

The lines between love and abuse become blurred, so it’s difficult for us to see what’s real love and what’s not. The confusion they bring is insane! Making someone lose their sense of reality is the ultimate psychospiritual murder – this can cause you to fall into the hands of another abuser consecutively. That’s why some people find themselves in relationships with the same types of people who may even be similar to their parents, childhood abusers, or both. It’s time to break free from those toxic cycles. You can read more about that here.

LETTING GO

The more aware you become about this – it will alarm you, and it may disturb you. It will anger you. The truth triggers an intense awakening – the fact that these individuals either never loved you, couldn’t love you, or were unable to. Whatever the situation is, forgiveness liberates you from that heavy load. It doesn’t mean you take them back, it just means you don’t hate them, and you’ve chosen to move on peacefully.

Disclaimer: Although I am a neuroscience student, I’m not a doctor and can not give medical advice or a psychological diagnosis. My spiritual perspective is based on the knowledge I have currently. I do not have all the answers, I just like sharing my ideas and insight for the purpose of personal growth and self-healing.

-Yasira Damas

Footnotes

[1] The Spiritual Perspective of Narcissistic Abuse
https://powerofthemind.blog/2024/06/10/the-spirtual-perspective-of-narcissistic-abuse/
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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #612 on: June 11, 2024, 04:30:56 PM »
Can people with NPD have
episodes where they are
actually very nice and supportive to you?


It’s all an act.

Behind your back, they talk total sh!t about you.

They think you are inferior, and not intelligent.

The only reason they would support you would be to make them look good.

I’ve lived around this population my entire life and I have never seen any difference.

They want you to blow away with the wind.

Instead become a giant grey immovable rock of Gibraltar.
______________________________________

Absolutely! When they have run dry of supply, they have something to gain from you or they are love bombing you, either because they've done something wrong and they need to get you off the track of finding out or they are trying to win your trust back after catching them in something.

There is ALWAYS ulterior motives as to why a narcissist is nice and supportive. They pay for something because they know there is something in it for them. They take you somewhere because there is something in it for them. Mine love bombed after every cheat. Lasted for about two days and then he was done. But when he found out he could get money from me, the love bombing and “support” lasted longer.
_______________________________________

They need to have to put on a show to the entire world that their life is so great, and they want people to be envious of them. They seek admiration from anyone, anyway they can possible get that kind of attention.

In reality, they are so fked up in the head and have no idea about much in their lives. They like to project all of their frustrations out on you. You have taken the role as a human punching bag.
_________________________________________

Of course. Otherwise you would never get to “know" them. They are also really nice when they want something from you. If you are the partner, they tend to ignore you while they engage with and love on everyone or everything else.

When they turn to you, you’re flattered once again for the attention they are giving you. You feel like you got the person you originally met back again. When they get what they want from you they ignore you or talk disrespectfully around you or to your face. And it’s a crushing feeling.

It’s a vicious cycle.
________________________________________

What can you expect when the narcissist is nice?

When they do something good?

You can expect something bad.

Narcissists are at their most dangerous, when they are nice.

For narcissists don't like putting you down when you are already down.

Not much fun in that.

In fact, narcissists don't even really enjoy putting you down when you are "ok", "good", or "well".

They can do better.

Narcissists like putting you down, when you are excited, flying high, feeling super eager.

When you are in that state which straddles mild excitement to pure bliss, you are now in their sweet zone.

And sometimes narcissists must do or say certain things, to get you in that sweet zone.

Pump you up.

Infuse you with those fruitful seeds, so they can later extract those nourishing byproducts.

Yes.

Now you are ripe.

Now you are where they need you to be.

They can now squeeze out the build up of scrummy supply nectars resting in your core, waiting for an opportunistic strike.

They do something good, now they must do something much worse.

So the narcissist is being nice, pumping you up?

Just wait for that other shoe to drop.
_________________________________________

Of course they can, but there will always be reasons.

One might be that the narc has so much side supply that they’re just feeling hunky-dory and so they’re nice to you. (Don’t count on this happening very often.)

Another reason is that they have some devious plan in mind and need you to be feeling good and pliable, so they’re buttering you up.

Of course, there’s the good ‘ol tried and true trauma bonding technique, where they are nice to you for a while and then treat you like dirt (or worse) for a while.

These are the first three that popped in my head, but I’m sure there are others.
_____________________________________

Oh yes I’ve witnessed them bending over backwards for people. People they hardly even know. Then coming home and treating their actual family worse than enemies.

There will always be benefits in everything Narcy does. Treating strangers, acquaintances, work colleagues or anyone outside of their own home well, feeds their ego, polishes their good reputation and helps maintain their mask of normality and good guy act.

The unfortunate people on the inside that can see behind the mask are left feeling nothing but resentment and sickness at the false act.

Remember not everyone is fooled by them! Try paying attention to the people that don’t fall under their spell, laugh at their jokes, or question their stories. These will also be the people that Narcy will avoid at all costs or smear to anyone who’ll listen.
_________________________________________

Yes, if you define “nice” as “you obey their highly-confining boundaries even as they trample yours.”

If you really don’t mind a relationship defined in terms of power and a list of demands, then interaction with a narcissist can be low-conflict in the short-to-medium term.

Quiet narcissists, relatively polite and pleasant for years on end, are nevertheless capable of grabbing a child by the hair and flinging her face-down onto concrete steps.
__________________________________________

If they do, it is likely they are seeking an answer to somehow use against you or have another nefarious reason for doing so. What they do must profit them in some way. The act of kindness is done to further their own objective not because they genuinely have the desire to be kind to you.
_________________________________________

When will that narcissist be nice ??

In the beginning when he is schmoozing ya, when he wants to fk you.
After ghosting you, to get back in your good graces to fk you again.
Yeah, those are the only times that narcissist is nice.

His default setting is mean, and as they say, mean people suck.

That narcissist sucks.
________________________________________

There is fake empathy. There are a lot of people in the helping professions who are narcissistic. They get their jollies out of helping people and then getting narcissistic supply from all of the compliments and teddy bears that they get back.

Ministers and spiritual teachers get to go in front of groups and perform, essentially, and that really brings narcissists out of the woodwork. They can feign empathy pretty easily. They know what a minister is supposed to do and how they are supposed to act.

I have had personal experience with both these types, and I can tell you it is worse than your garden-variety narcissist. It is unexpected, unprofessional, and a betrayal of trust.


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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #613 on: June 11, 2024, 05:14:12 PM »
How do I have a frank
conversation with a covert
narcissist about their
behaviour?

You don’t. Please don’t.

First, examine why you want to have that frank conversation.

To make them see your point of view?

To get them to truly see and hear you?

To get them to realize how hurtful they are to you?

To get them to change their behavior?

To get them to seek professional help?

None of those things will happen.

Ever.

It’s a harsh truth, but the sooner you let go of those dreams, the easier life becomes.

If you confront a covert narcissist about their behavior, here’s what will happen instead.

They will show you why you’re wrong.

They will belittle your vulnerabilities (like the desire to be seen and heard).

They will use knowledge of your hurt to hurt you more.

They will escalate the behaviors that bother you.

They will use any of the words you confront them with (covert narcissist) to both project at you and in their description of you to their flying monkeys.


Here’s what you do with that knowledge instead:

Recognize that covert narcissism is abuse and that it is impacting the way you think and feel.

Let go of the desire for them to change. It’s not just that they won’t. They can’t.

Hear them through a filter of, “is that actually true?” Am I really insecure? Am I too flirty?

Don’t collude with them in talking about others.

Don’t share deep thoughts and feelings (hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, hurts).

Seriously, talk about the weather, sports, anything that doesn’t matter to you.

Respond, rather than react. (A response is calculated. A reaction is triggered and off the cuff.). A reaction gives them tons of supply.

Become indifferent to them (taking away their supply).

Let go of the desire for their flying monkeys to see the truth.

Most importantly, end the relationship and go no contact as soon as possible – put distance between yourself and your abuser.

Take care of you. You’re the only one who can and will.
_____________________________________

You can’t.

I had one with my mother and she waited 15 years to get me back. It left me homeless and mistreated by an ethnic community who believed her lies. Then she just died. She fked up my reputation. I gave up a career to stay near for her and she screwed me and that’s my mom.

Imagine how much less attached a partner is.
________________________________________

You don’t.

Because narcissists aren’t capable of taking in feedback about themselves and then changing. They may listen, nod their head in understanding, promise to change….but then won’t. If you know that someone’s a narcissist, the best thing to do is to try to eliminate them from your life or reduce contact as much as possible.
_________________________________________

This may well not be the advice you want to hear, but I would say don’t try to have a frank conversation with a covert narcissist because it’s a waste of time and energy.

Whether your narcissist is aware or unaware of their disorder, they certainly won’t take kindly to you telling them anything. I would suggest that you either write everything you want to say on paper or in a message, read it to yourself in the way you would say it to the narc, and then tear it up or delete it without sending.

If this feels like the narcissist is getting away with their poor behaviour and you really need to say something, then make sure you are prepared for a backlash, and quite possibly being told you are the reason for their behaviour.

Remember: narcs crave supply. Whether the attention from you is positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. It’s attention; they will be satisfied to know they can provoke a strong reaction from you and that you spend time thinking about them.
______________________________________

You don’t. You can’t.

If you have sussed they are a covert narcissist then surely you have recognised their behaviour makes no sense. What are you trying to achieve by having such a conversation with them?

Do you wish for them to have an epiphany?
Do you wish for them to realise how their behaviour has been for you?
So you want closure of some kind?

If it is a narcissist you are dealing with, none of these things will happen. What will happen? Possibly a bit of word salad… and more likely… it will get flipped onto you.

How dare you criticise a narcissist?? Sorry I digress a bit - but I will emphasise again - there is NO rational discussion of ANY kind to be had about a narcissist. It’s a waste of your energy to even try.


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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #614 on: June 11, 2024, 07:27:04 PM »
The difference between
Covert and Overt Narcissists

There are many different flavors of narcissists.

But, you know, if it walks like a duck.. quacks like one..

A narcissist is a narcissist.

They are all takers.
They are fakers.
They are all selfish.
They are all controlling.
They are all users.
They are all destroyers.
They are all abusers.

You see, however they present, they all have the same disorder with the same outcome.

The best way to think of any narcissist is to think of them all as vanilla no matter what different flavors they come in, toppings added, size selected, cone variety.. they all offer the same.

A moment on the lips.. a life time in therapy?
__________________________________________

They both do the same exact things behind closed doors.

There are the usual components of narcissism which accompany the grandiose delusions all narcissists have about themselves: believing they can do no wrong, blaming other people (especially you) for their own faults and failures, and using you like a dumpster to hurl their toxic emotions into. There is the stunning lack of empathy and the inability to care about your feelings. There are the countless misdeeds they commit against you in order to see you suffer because that makes them feel better about themselves.

It’s in public where the differences are noticeable.

Covert narcissist mask as upstanding citizens and “nice” people. They like to blend in with the crowd, as long as it’s the “right” crowd.

Overt narcissists just seem like garden variety show-offs at first. The reality is they’re much worse, because show-offs are harmless as long as you pay attention to them. You can even do it with a head shake and an eye roll and leave it at that, no harm done.

But any narcissists are anything but harmless.

So don’t believe it when someone paints narcissists’ picture as simply being vain, self-absorbed and mischievous, and that you only end up hurt because they’re not thinking about you and they’re a bit of a clod and and it’s really your fault anyway because you’re just overly sensitive.

That’s the lie they want you to believe.

In reality, ANY narcissist is going to do serious damage to you and your life if they get close enough to.

And they do it with full intention.

It’s called negative supply, and all narcissists are addicted to it like a drug.

The flattery and attention they pour on in the beginning is goal-oriented behavior to ply you and get you where they want you: beneath them.

Think of it as grooming, because that’s exactly what it is.

They get you relying on their validation in order to pull it away and see you disappointed, stunned and/or in pain. This makes them feel powerful and they justify their actions by telling themselves you deserve it. At their core narcissists are insecure, jealous and petty. They fantasize that they are righting a wrong and leveling the playing field, giving you your just desserts.

Narcissists’ lack of empathy is what enables them to hurt you with their devaluations and betrayals despite awareness of your suffering, and to advance themselves at any cost to anyone, but it’s far from the superpower some of them flaunt it as being.

Rather, it’s based on their disability.

Narcissists are developmentally retarded as far as their emotional intelligence goes, even though cognitively they’re like anybody else.

So they see empathy at work and resent it because they don’t have it. Recognizing it doesn’t mean they understand it, though; narcissists think empathy is an idea, that it’s performative, somewhat like using your best manners when at a formal dinner. But they see the powerful effect empathy has on others, and their envy over something they can’t access causes narcissists to feel malicious towards people who are genuinely loving and caring.

Their lacking, which they can’t abide, stares them dead in the face when it gets reflected back to them by your light.

Overt narcissists will try to extinguish your light due to their zero-sum belief that what one person has takes away from another. And so they imagine their grandiosity makes them better than you, by design.

Covert narcissists however, know they aren’t sh!t. And your good qualities conversely make them feel ashamed of themselves. So while they resort to a “nothing to see here, I’m just over here doing what I’m supposed to do” persona in public, in private is where they gradually get bold enough to emotionally abuse you.

They feel you out and test the waters by incrementally taking control of you.

They chip away at your autonomy by telling you not to wear certain things, not to talk to certain people, not to go to certain places especially without them. They isolate you from your support system by telling you your friends don’t have your best interests at heart or are using you. They might say this about your family too.

Covert narcissists gaslight you into not trusting your own judgement. That way, you’re completely dependent on them, which means you’re finally inferior to them.

And they don’t have to be so threatened by you and jealous anymore.

An incapacitating level of low self-esteem and a resulting secret self-loathing is at the center of all forms of NPD.
__________________________________________

The real difference here is really just in expression.

This is more about behavior than anything else. Both of these people have the same goals and mindsets and desires and drives. They just go about achieving them differently.

There is no real difference between someone who says “I will kill you if you leave me” and someone who says “I will kill myself if you leave me.” Both people are saying the same thing: I don't recognize rights, needs, feelings or anything else regarding other people and somebody's going to die if you don't do what I want.

As far as what behaviors they exhibit, it often comes down to basic personality and opportunity. Some people are more overt or covert just because it's what works best for them based on their personality. Some narcissists have found that appearing vulnerable and helpless comes more naturally and is therefore more successful, whereas others are naturally more grandiose and aggressive.

If you think of it kind of like extrovert vs introvert, where some people are more one than the other but most people are both to some degree, that's a good way to think of how it works.

And again, it can have to do with means and opportunity as well. For example, someone who is more overt at home may be more covert at work because they know that they won't get by with overtly aggressive and hostile behavior at their job. Etc.
___________________________________

A covert I think is the worst. They are total con man or women; they can appear shy and very sweet. My husband was a covert, led a triple life and was a sweet teddy bear con artist.
 
I watched a You tube show on Ted Bundy and thought I was viewing my ex. Under that sweet teddy bear is a savage grisly bear who wants total power and control. A head screw that gaslights, steals, cheats and will destroy your life.

The covert is the most liked narc because they are so charming, buy everyone gifts and make you feel totally loved. The overt is a big mouth that has that "Look at me I'm special" attitude.
 
The overt is the one people avoid and for good reasons. They brag and interrupt everyone in a conversation with them and try to control the narrative. Like all narcs, they seek to control you and want you to admire and praise them non stop.

A covert and overt can at times over lap but they tend to stay in their own lane most of the time.

Both narcs are very evil, sick and twisted people.
_______________________________________

A covert narcissist is very good at appearing to be a loving person to you, and more importantly, to the world.

A covert narcissist will never be caught saying something bad about anyone. They love everyone. They want nothing but the best for everyone.

A covert narcissist is all about appearances. They won’t be verbally abusive to you . In fact, they will say that they love you.

They are just concerned about you. Maybe it was the election that affected you so badly. Maybe you are in a delicate mental state. They are concerned that your new sister-in-law wants to feel welcomed into the family, but she thinks you don’t like her. Why? No idea!

The covert narcissist wouldn’t cause her to think that! The covert narcissist certainly wouldn’t insinuate your delicate mental state or your sister-in-law’s lack of confidence. They only want the best for both of you!

An overt narcissist will tell you they wish you had never been born.

A covert narcissist will manipulate several people over several years to communicate the same idea without ever having to say it out loud.

I am obviously biased on the subject. I think covert narcissists are more evil.
________________________________________

A superficial, shallow as*hole that can portray empathy if it benefits them. But they can also portray a grandiose sense of delusion that doesn’t exist.

Once you are aware of their antics, which many aren’t, it all becomes clear. Pay careful attention.

Everything they do and every thing they say is to illicit a response out of you. And the response has to benefit them. They are excellent at making it appear they care, but in reality it’s manipulation.

They love the way you make them feel about themselves. They love how you put them on a pedestal and forget about your needs and others.

They dont love you.

They aren’t sorry.

You aren’t their one.

Everything they tell you they tell the next clueless fk too.

They aren’t going to go to therapy.

They really do think you’re the problem. They eventually gaslight themselves into believing their lies and abuse was justified.

They are still talking to other people.

They are still leading several on for possible sex.

When they sense you pulling away, they are lining someone else up.

They don’t give a sh!t about you.

Their elation and deflation of their self image is what hooks you.

They are the most dangerous of all narcissists.

Keep trying to break free. You deserve so much better than this a*shole. With every slip up there is a lesson.
________________________________________

Overt: done or shown openly; plainly or readily apparent, not secret or hidden.

Covert: not openly acknowledged or displayed.

With an overt narcissist what you see is pretty much what you get. Their abusiveness is much more obvious as they are openly what they are.

When you are the victim of a covert narcissist the only one who see's their abuse is you, their victim.

You are not only abused in secret but they treat you like you are a queen in front of people who are watching especially the people who are your friends and family. Then when you get home or their backs are turned they treat you with contempt. They pull out their crazy making tools and go to work on you. You find yourself trying to explain their abuse to these friends and family and they don't believe you.

Sometimes they will try to talk to the narc on your behalf and the narc will praise you proclaim their love for you and express how they feel so helpless with your irrational accusations against them but love you so much they are willing to stand by you.

Your friends and family can't help but admire the narc and think you are the one who is attacking the narcissist. You find yourself trapped, frustrated and doubting what you are experiencing.

A covert narcissist is truly capable of driving you insane if you are not careful and eventually you can just become like an empty robot or puppet they control until they get bored with you and then you are discarded.

That is when you struggle to get back who you were yet find yourself so lost that you may want to actually have the narc back in your life because it's the only life you know now...you are trauma bonded to them.

You start to wonder if you were actually abused or not. There is no one to validate you and the narc has you doubting reality and everyone you know is doubting you as well.

In addition to my answer I want to include what you can do to help yourself after being abused by a covert narcissist:

It is very important if you are with the narc that you document everything that happens.

Record conversations and all interactions you possibly can. Makes notes at every opportunity. Not just of the abuse but also the 'pretend/impression managing' good behavior and all the circumstances that surround it.
DO NOT SHARE this with the narc ...ever... nor anyone else... yet. Not until you regain your strength your conviction and can now see clearly.

If you are not with the narc and/or have not been documenting....go back and recall everything you can remember. Go back to the beginning and write down everything you can remember that happened. You may start remembering in bits and pieces but eventually you will start to remember whole events.

In time you will start remembering little details in those events...things will become clearer and you will see the truth of what was happening all along as they tried to brainwash you. You will suddenly realize things that slipped by you.

This is when you share with someone you can trust like an understanding therapist who knows about abuse trauma as they will point things out in your memories as to how the narc skewed your understanding.

As you go through this process you will grow strong and will regain your former self before the narc, only with more knowledge than you ever had before to become a healthier than even better version of you.

Also at this point with some of your friends and family you may be able to help them to see what you went through. It is a slow and a bit painful process that you must be patient with yourself throughout. You must nurture and love yourself throughout your healing.

Stay strong, you can do it.
__________________________________________

They think in the same way- there will be the same arrogance, oversensitivity to criticism, feeling of being special, and desire to use others for their own agenda.

The selfishness is the same, the self-centredness, the lack of self-awareness, the over-estimation of their own talents, their refusal to accept advice, the inability to love or care for anyone apart from themselves -- all the negative characteristics we know about narcissists are there.

But their methods of achieving control over others are very different.

The overt is life and soul of the party, memorable, very charming, very confident, very direct, very focused. They exercise their control by force of personality, intimidation, swagger, dominance, shouting, aggression, often threats of violence, by dominating their family and their circle. They are usually pretty easy to spot- they are the loudest in the group, hogging the conversation, leading the charge, and deciding (for everyone) what happens next.

The covert is sneaky, and will often claim to be an empath or even a scapegoat . They paint themselves as a victim; they have a harder time than others, they were picked on or bullied, they didn't have the same advantages as others, other people were given preferential treatment- and they use those excuses to explain away their failings or explain why others seem more successful.

They still try to dominate, but often by being snide or sarcastic, undermining others, turning any conversation back to them, and complaining. They can come across as sweet and nice on first meeting, but that humble act hides a lot of nastiness and bitterness-- which will be turned to full effect if you cross them. When confronted with an obvious lie or excuse they will react with venom, intended to wound as much as possible. Overts overreact too, but more often with fury rather than viciousness.

Both types will try to control you, and their circle, and their family- they just use different methods. Neither is good news- as you will find out should you try to have any kind of relationship with one.

You will expect caring and reciprocation and niceness and support- but you will realise eventually that this is all one way, always in favour of the narcissist. You will do lots and lots for them- you will get nothing back, not even a kind word.

Please, if you have a narcissist anywhere in your world (and I imagine you do if you are reading this) you should be learning about narcissism, to protect yourself against both types.
________________________________________

THE DIFFERENCE

Between covert, overt and schmovert is that they will all fk up your life.

All of them exhibit the same fksh!t.

Such as lying, blaming you for it and lying again.

All of them are insufferable.

And all of them expect you to compassionately and enthousiastically suffer for them.

All jokes aside,

The biggest difference lies in their genitals.

The ones who get to use them on you,

Are the ones who will fk your life to shreds, with the fury of hellfire.

Those are called “fking narcissists.”

Fking narcissists rotate from covert to overt to schmovert.

Goodnight.

Goodbye.

Take your ass tf to sleep.

**********************************************************



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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #615 on: June 11, 2024, 07:43:10 PM »
Narcissists are just like you and me, except there
is no "you," there is only "me."
What Are Narcissists, Really?

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #616 on: June 11, 2024, 07:47:54 PM »
It’s easier to fool someone than convince them they’ve been fooled.
Narcissists Are A Fairy Tale

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #617 on: June 11, 2024, 08:02:05 PM »
They will steal from you and then state that it was not
stealing but that they are entitled to have what they stole from you.
Covert Narcissists ALWAYS Do
This One Predictable Thing

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #618 on: June 12, 2024, 04:28:41 AM »
" This means you are no longer a part of their mind games ! "
When You Take Your Attention Away From The Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8iRQjmuKGI
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #619 on: June 12, 2024, 05:32:43 AM »
How A Narcissist Reacts To Your Silence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_f3SfDtZFs
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #620 on: June 12, 2024, 05:51:16 AM »
I would love to know what would happen if a narc was put somewhere they could not leave with no people to interact with ever again. I feel like they might just lay down and die.
Narcissist: The Performance Of A Lifetime

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #621 on: June 12, 2024, 05:53:54 AM »
Narcissists have to feel offended. It’s the only way they can function. Otherwise all of that anger and hatred would turn inwards.
Narcissists Are Eagerly Offended

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #622 on: June 12, 2024, 08:59:34 AM »
How do I make a narcissist
tell the truth?
:lol:

You can't force narcissists to tell the truth because narcissists are afraid of the truth.

Narcissists feel extreme shame when they reveal the truth. Narcissists don't want people to view them negatively. For narcissists, lying is their primary weapon to defend themselves and look good to everyone.

If narcissists have no choice left, then they will mix the truth with lies to deceive you. Narcissists will either blame you, people, or circumstances, but narcissists will never admit they have done anything wrong. Narcissists are egoistic; they will fight till the end, but they will not reveal the truth.

If you want to know the truth about narcissists, then pay attention to their accusations and projections. You will get to know the truth about narcissists in detail. Stand your ground; let narcissists vent out the truth in the form of narcissistic projection.


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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #623 on: June 12, 2024, 09:10:36 AM »
A relationship that's built on lies cannot stand.
Narcissists Are Liars

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #624 on: June 12, 2024, 09:41:11 AM »
Whatever they accuse YOU of doing, that's exactly what THEY are doing.
Narcissists Tell On Themselves if
You Listen

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #625 on: June 12, 2024, 06:07:30 PM »
Narcissists:
Beware The Extinction Burst


@DL-fw7xk
5 months ago
For anyone going through this type of situation, the videos on this channel are an absolute masterclass in the understanding of how people with NPD and cluster B personalities operate. 

The breadth of knowledge and research, along with the ability to communicate effectively without a lot of noise across a multitude of areas, in an extremely misunderstood and complex subject matter is absolutely mind blowing.  Thank you for putting out this content, and hopefully doctors and lawyers will have a better understanding of these types of disorders in the medical and legal fields in the years to come.
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #626 on: June 12, 2024, 06:14:32 PM »
The grey rock method does work. Never respond to a narcissists with emotions.
The Little Shaman Deep Dive: The Grey Rock Method
The Art of Not Reacting

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #627 on: June 12, 2024, 06:28:09 PM »
:wtf:
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #628 on: June 12, 2024, 06:58:22 PM »
They get mad and clam up or lash out when they get called out. They will never own up to anything.
Playing Dirty With a Narcissist;
Beware Try This Instead




@kimvannote5024
11 months ago (edited)
You can't win with a "Narcissist"? You know why? Because the devil is working through them - they live in Lies. The devil is the Father of Lies and he's very good at Deception. He's also the Author of Confusion, which is caused from lies. Mixing truth with lies - causing Insanity. They have no Moral Compass. They're disconnected from self because of Trauma.
"Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #629 on: June 12, 2024, 07:09:00 PM »
"Are you saying I need to get permission to feel? Are you suggesting I need permission to experience my reality? Are you saying your reality is more valid than my reality? Are you suggesting that the only reality that matters is yours? Are you suggesting your feelings are more valid than my feelings?"
Ask a Narcissist These
Questions When They Try to
Mess With Your Head

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #630 on: June 12, 2024, 07:17:34 PM »
:jandoor:
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #631 on: June 12, 2024, 07:27:52 PM »


:sick:
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #632 on: June 12, 2024, 08:35:48 PM »
What goes on inside
the mind of a narcissist?

1. I really like myself, and I'm pretty sure you do too. Actually, I think everyone does. I can't think of anyone who doesn't.

2. I don't have to say sorry. But you, you have to understand, agree, and put up with me no matter what I do or say.

3. There aren't many people as good as me in the world, and I haven't met one so far.
I'm the best at being a _______ (manager, businessman, lover, student, etc.).

4. Most people just don't match up. If I wasn't here to guide, others would struggle.

5. I get that there are rules and stuff, but those are mostly for you because I don't have the time or desire to follow them. Plus, rules are for regular folks, and I'm way above average.

6. I hope you see how great I am and everything I've done for you, because I'm amazing and never make mistakes.

7. It would be nice if we could be equals, but we're not and we won't ever be. I'll keep reminding you that I'm the smartest in the room, and how well I did in school, business, as a parent, etc. You should be thankful.

8. I might seem stuck-up, and that's fine by me; I just don't want to be like you.

9. You better stay loyal to me all the time, no matter what. But don't expect me to be loyal to you.

10. I'll criticize you, and you better take it. But if you criticize me, especially in public, I'll get really angry. And just so you know, I never forget or forgive, and I'll get back at you somehow — I hold grudges.

11. You should care about what I've achieved and what I say. But I'm not really interested in you or what you've done, so don't expect me to ask about your life. I just don't care.

12. I'm not manipulative; I just want things my way, even if it bothers others or hurts them. I don't care about others' feelings — feelings are for the weak.

13. You better be thankful for everything I do, even the little things. And you need to do what I tell you.

14. I only hang out with the best people, and honestly, most of your friends don't measure up.

15. If you'd just listen to me and do what I say, things would be better.
______________________________________

Me, Me, Me, and Me. Total self consumption. And, how do I manipulate people to get what I want and need? You cannot trust anything a narcissists says or does because everything is done in the service of getting what they want and need, period. It would be foolishness to believe anything else.
_________________________________________

How to bring you down. Experience Joy when they see you cry. Boredom. Envy. Plotting how to fake it to impress others and leave an impression he/she wants to leave. Struggle to look like a normal, empathic human with positive emotions with minimum effort. They do drugs to cope with this, fake relationships, whatever it takes. They want to look respectable and like they have values when in reality, they don't.
___________________________________________

1. They think they're better than others. People with a negative narcissistic trait think or try to think that they are better than other people. In their minds, they have a lot of guilt, shame, and hate for themselves, so they have to put them on other people and make themselves look better than other people. Narcissists work hard to convince themselves and anyone else who might be paying attention that they are better than everyone else.

2. They don't think other people are important. Most of the time, a destructive narcissist treats you and other people badly, no matter what the reason, cause, or provocation. They think that because they were born this way, they have the right to treat other people badly. Unless someone can help them, they don't care about anyone. The narcissist will treat you with toxic contempt because they think they are better than you and that you are just a nobody whose only purpose is to meet their needs.

3. They are proud and too sure of themselves. They want to be right more than anything else, even if it means being arrogant and bragging about what they have done. They don't care what other people think, and most of the time, they don't even care about the person who has that opinion. In general, they are not friendly or grateful. When they get a whiff of constructive criticism, they get upset or angry. They also tend to think "my way or the highway."

4. They are very good at getting what they want. They use tricks to make people like them, control what they think and do, and steer the way things go. On the story they tell. As they move up the spectrum, they will become more manipulative. In this case, it will be more important and helpful to listen to what your body is telling you than to what your head is telling you.

Even if your head tells you lies all the time, your body will always tell the truth. So if your stomach hurts, your skin crawls, or you get a chill down your spine, pay attention to them. You need to pay attention to what your body is trying to tell you and take care of yourself by taking the right steps.

5. They don't care about people, like not at all. During a relationship with a narcissist, you have to realize that they won't care about you or your needs, even after the love-bombing phase is over. If you're with a narcissist, you'll have to put your own needs, wants, and desires on the back burner, if not completely ignore them.

Trying to get a narcissist to respect you or meet your needs in any way will be a pointless and frustrating waste of time. So, you have to learn to meet your own needs and not rely on the narcissist to do it for you. Stop going to the hardware store looking for milk, as an old saying goes.

It's time to stop hoping and praying that people who don't care about your well-being will change their minds. Instead, work on learning to accept yourself. Narcissists have nothing to give, so don't give them anything you're not ready to lose.
____________________________________

Imagine having a sadistic teacher in your head that is hyper-critical and shames you and humiliates you whenever you don’t do something perfect. Or being unable to love or be loved and destroying every person that you want to love or be loved by.

Or being unable to be around the people that excite you the most.

Imagine needing a constant stream of narcissistic supply to avoid being incapacitated by your deep-seated feelings of being unlovable and worthless.

Imagine looking in the mirror and all you see is your flaws, even if you’re gorgeous. Imagine having so much pent up bitterness and anger that completely insignificant things can piss you off and make you lash out.

Imagine how sh!tty you would have to feel inside to be unable to control this response. For reference, think about a day when things were going so sh!tty that everything pissed you off.

Now imagine having to live that day every day.
Imagine destroying every interpersonal relationship you’ve ever had.

Imagine having such a sh!tty childhood that it turned you into this before you even got a chance to experience any real joy or happiness.

Now imagine the cacophony of awful feelings all of these things produce and how exhausting it must be to constantly have to do mental gymnastics and use every defense mechanism possible to block out these feelings.

Imagine having to repeatedly find new sources of supply to reinforce this delusional reality because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to function.

It is hell. I’m not a narcissist but I get why they are the way they are.

Edit: I'm not defending narcissists because it’s extremely damaging to have one in your life and they do awful things. Just trying to give some perspective.
_______________________________________

Narcissists often think they should be special and get lots of attention or compliments. They might have thoughts like:

Why are they paying attention to others? Do something to get them to notice you.

Can't they see how much better you are? You're more important than anyone else here.

Your opinion matters the most. They should only listen to you.

You know what's happening better than anyone else here.

They should focus on you. How dare they ignore you! They must be foolish.

You deserve the very best.


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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #633 on: June 12, 2024, 08:47:02 PM »
How do you make a
narcissist mad at you?

Narcissists get angry when you stand up for yourself. Narcissists take it as an insult; it hurts their egos. You have challenged narcissists. Deep inside, they fear losing control and authority over you. Narcissists will use all their tactics to get control over you.

Narcissists will try to gaslight you into believing that you are the problem; avoid falling for it. Narcissists are disturbed and unstable people who believe everyone should behave in ways that make them comfortable. Let narcissists be uncomfortable and alone in their paranoia, jealousy, envy, and need to control others who threaten them. You set your boundaries and continue to make them suffer and angry.

Leaving narcissists is very important too; being with narcissists and standing up for yourself will bring more problems to you from their side.
___________________________________

In my experience, it's never wise to upset a narcissist, especially if you are in a relationship with one. However’ by showing indifference to their manipulative advances, openly pointing out the technique being used and smirking or laughing will cause such anger and frustration in your narcissist. This can cause a narcissistic injury so....

...there will be consequences!

These consequences won’t be easy to recognise but trust me every narcissist craves revenge. The feelings of ‘loss of control’ is unacceptable to a narcissist.

If a narcissist can’t manipulate you directly, they will smear your name and triangulation will be used against you. The gaslighting may increase, with such immature behaviour such as moving belongings, cancelling appointments, withholding mail. Anything to disrupt your life so they feel in control again.

My narcissistic ex wife realised I’d lost interest in her manipulative behaviour while on a short trip to a seaside town, she decided she wanted to stay an extra night, but I had a commitment so I refused.

She hid the car keys so we had to stay, then the entire evening continued negative influence to cause an emotional response. All this immature behaviour was because I showed indifference to her narcissistic manipulation, and dared to utter the word "NO".

Expect consequences!

I wish you luck!


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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #634 on: June 12, 2024, 09:04:59 PM »
Do narcissists suffer?

Narcissists can experience suffering, but it is often different from how non-narcissistic individuals experience and express suffering. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.

While narcissists may not show vulnerability or express their suffering in conventional ways, they can still experience inner turmoil, dissatisfaction, and distress. Their suffering may manifest as feelings of emptiness, inadequacy, or insecurity beneath their outward displays of confidence and superiority.

It's important to note that individuals with narcissistic traits or NPD may be less likely to seek help for their suffering due to their belief in their own superiority, lack of insight into their behavior, or reluctance to admit weakness. Therapy can be beneficial for individuals with NPD to explore their emotions, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and improve their relationships with others.
_______________________________________

Yes.

And they’ve been suffering likely long before you knew them. Coming from a cluster B family I’ve witnessed their suffering on many levels. Do not, I repeat DO NOT give them your empathy, sympathy or attempt to console them in any way.

Though they may suffer - they are very dangerous and have no qualms about using you for their pleasure, destroying you mentally to boost their self esteem, destroying your reputation to get ahead or taking anything of yours that they desire. They will suck out your soul and destroy your life like a demon in a horror movie if you let them. You may not even know it’s happening until it’s too late.

Here are some of the ways they suffer:

They cannot love or accept love

Instead They look for a fairy tale romance where they are loved, adored and treated as royalty without returning the affection, attention or hard work.

They cannot accept their real self as they deemed it unworthy and discarded it for a false persona when they were a child.

As a result, They feel like a fraud most of the time.

They are also emotionally arrested at a child-like state.

They cannot accept their own imperfections whether physical or in any task they take on.

This means they constantly feel like a failure.

They have limited, shallow emotions. They know they are not normal and work hard to emulate others to “fit in”.

They LOATH themselves behind the ego and bravado.

They live in a state of constant jealousy. They are unable to be happy with what they have, nor can they be genuinely happy for anyone else.

They must be better than everyone else - AT EVERYTHING , yet they are always reminded that others are better than them. This quest for perfection causes them to quit many things before completion. If they quit they can say they did not fail.

They go through depressive states where all the bad they’ve done that’s compartmentalized in their head leaks out. They hide from others during this time in shame, wallowing in self pity. This leads to projecting on those closest to them and eventually unleash horrific verbal, mental and physical abuse on them to relieve their shame and self loathing.

All of the lies, half truths, denials and embellishments come back to haunt them. They can’t keep it all straight or remember which version they told to who and it exposes their true nature.

Because they often believe their own lies for periods of time, they also truly believe they are a victim.

Yet, They know what they’ve done to others - so they expect it’s coming back to them. It makes them paranoid. They never feel safe for long.

They have trouble making friends. Superficially some may seem popular, but all their relationships are shallow. Despite their mask, many normal people can sense something off about them and steer clear quickly.

They are soooo lonely. They don’t appreciate the friendships, love and acceptance they are given. They crave unconditional love but cannot return it or recognize it when they have it. As a result they lose it all or throw it away. They all end up alone.

Their toxicity causes abandonment which causes them to seek to punish those that walked away - which causes more abandonment by those that witness what they do.

They are completely dependent on others to regulate their self esteem.

Nothing is ever enough.

They are filled with boredom and emptiness. They create drama to relieve their boredom.

Their anxiety goes through the roof when they don’t feel in control. This leads to embarrassing outbursts and unreasonable behavior.

They have limited self control over their behavior. As they get older it’s even harder to keep the false persona going and they can’t stop themselves from acting out in rage or revenge.

They have to have the final word / act of punishment. If they are cut off “no contact” before that happens or they perceive “you won” - they will suffer greatly and be consumed by anger and desire for revenge.

All of this can manifest in physical ailments like high blood pressure, auto-immune disorders and chronic pain. But the Narcissist has a tendency to make things up for attention. So when they really are sick - does anyone believe them?

Because the world doesn’t comply with their wishes 100% of the time… they think the world is against them.
______________________________________

I was just reading about this, that some psychologist, I can’t remember which, but a “founding father,” opined that the suffering of the narcissist is among the most profound human suffering possible, because of the all encompassing shame involved.

Because of splitting and a lack of object constancy, narcissists have a black and white, inflexible, close-minded view of people, including themselves. A neurotypical can have a thought like,”I’m ordinarily a kind, considerate person, but sometimes I lose my temper and act inappropriately, especially if I’m stressed and tired or hungry.”

A narcissist doesn’t have thoughts which are nuanced like that.

One of the characteristics of being neurotypical is the ability to have an integrated sense of self, to simultaneously hold both positive and negative thoughts about oneself. When the narcissist (and others with cluster b personality disorders) does something which causes them shame, they cannot at that moment bring into memory the good things they have done. They go into an “all bad” frame of mind, where they are wretched and have no redeeming qualities.

Imagine how terrifying it would be if you did something shameful, and couldn’t think of even one good quality of yourself. This clarifies the need the narcissist has for defense mechanisms which spring immediately into place to protect against the horror of all encompassing shame.

This causes suffering.

Most people who know narcissists will despise them. They have defense mechanisms to deal with it, but that causes suffering too.

Narcissists are lonely people because they cannot emotionally connect with others. That causes suffering.

Narcissists have the desire to love and be loved that human beings have, but have neither the ability to love nor to experience love that an emotionally healthy and mature adult has; nothing even remotely approaching that. They have an understanding that others experience these things in ways they don’t. That causes suffering,

Narcissists are not happy people. In any list of what comprises happy people one sees things like

In meaningful loving relationships.

Grateful for what others do.

Help others.

Content with what they have.

Not things like:

Selfish and egotistical.

Does not care about others.

Feel they are being unfairly treated.

Despised by all who know them well.

This causes suffering as well.

While the life of the narcissist is a life of suffering, their suffering is to a great extent mitigated be their immaturity and cluelessness. Because of their emotional and psychological immaturity, the depth of their suffering cannot compare to that of the suffering they impose on their victims, who genuinely love and care for them, but can’t do anything which results in any sort of reciprocity on the part of the narcissist.

Any relationship with a narcissist is a story of unrequited love.


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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #635 on: June 12, 2024, 09:10:50 PM »



:plane:
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #636 on: June 12, 2024, 09:40:28 PM »
Why does a narcissist constantly bully you?

In my experience, when in a relationship with a narcissist, the bullying behaviour is purely a control tactic. To chip away at your self confidence and self esteem.

When a person’s sense of self is questioned we become easily manipulated and controlled. It’s an awful experience and if you’re able to spot the undermining behaviour early enough it’s a lot easier to make your escape.

The longer the abuse is endured the harder it becomes to leave as you’ll have no confidence left, and probably won’t have strength to commit to the decision. I believe that’s why so many people are still stuck in their relationships with narcissists. The Behaviour becomes (the norm) and the victim just can’t see a way out.

When dealing with a narcissist, friend, colleague etc.. you may have a quality that they do not possess. It could be physical, such as being more attractive, taller, slimmer, or maybe some part of your character, such as kindness, empathy, strength of character, you may just be a genuine happy person. Even your education and family background could cause a feeling of envy.

They may see something in you that they are not. The need to attack and bully is a way of crushing that spirit in you! Narcissist are essentially toddlers at heart! Just traumatised children who didn’t get the right treatment for the trauma at a young age. They never truly mature and the cycle of abuse continues.

They bully… because they were bullied.. The narcissist enjoys causing emotional pain and love the emotional response you give. If you’re able, I’d suggest starving the supply and give no response.

I wish you luck!
_____________________________________

Narcissists are always mad at you, because they are mad at themselves. Those with NPD narcissistic personality disorder could be some of the most manipulating, controlling, entitled, toxic people in the world, and will go out of their way to make you make you question yourself.

This may also explain why you’re trying to figure out why they’re mad at you. They live for validation and attention, and with you trying to figure out why they’re always mad at you - you’re giving them exactly what they want.

Those with narcissistic personality trait's ultimate goal is to gain control and authority, while intimidating their victims. The objective of narcissistic abuse is all about power, and control. Most bullies have a downward spiral through life, as their aggressive behaviors make it difficult for them to establish and maintain healthy relationships.

Narcissists are full of self-hatred, and they hate others even more, and one of the reasons why they take their anger out on those closet them. Anger is a favorite tactic of their bullying tactics, because they know it will quickly intimidate the target while simultaneously establishing dominance and control.

By your predatory abuser being mad at you helps them to regulate their emotions.

By your abuser being mad at you takes the focus off of yourself in exchange for you putting all of your energy towards them.

By the narcissist being mad at you picks away at your self-worth and self-esteem, in return this lowers your self-confidence which is one of their goals to keep you emotionally hostage/confused!

By the narcissist being mad at you steals away your peace of mind, and you expel your energy trying to figure what you did wrong.

By the narcissist being mad at you makes you curious and unsettled, so you inadvertently follow this unhinge person down the rabbit's hole.

Why the narcissist is mad at you has less to do with you, and more to do with their inner demons that they’re constantly fighting internally. Narcissists will use defense mechanisms to cope with their shame, insecurity, and low self-esteem. They rely on others for their narcissistic supply to give them a sense of importance and boost their low self-esteem.

They're always either angry, or on the verge of becoming angry, and sometimes they are angry for no legitimate reason. Many times, it is just a form of manipulation of playing mind games with you to keep you “hook, line, and sinker.” It may appear that they’re always mad at you as a way to keep you in compliance and focus only on them. May you know the signs, may you not be a victim, and may you do whatever you need to do to protect your emotional-mental health.
______________________________________

In my experience narcs never admit to bullying, in fact you'll find they insist it's THEM that gets bullied. They are the poor poor victim. No matter what they've done, how atrociously they have behaved they always play the victim.
________________________________________

My opinion?

Jealousy.

You are probably awesome, smart, peaceful.

Even with all the abuse—-YOU ARE STILL BETTER!

The narc doesn’t feel bad about the bullying or abuse because even with it you are STILL BETTER!

He or she can not tolerate anyone on a pedestal in his or her presence!

The narc thinks, “DANG! She can love and live in the truth. She doesn’t have to lie or pretend! UNFORGIVABLE!”

The narc wants to punish you for having peace, smarts, and success. On some level, you know the truth about the narc. (The narc could never bully you enough to satisfy his/her rage that YOU ARE AWESOME.) They think you deserve punishment.

They falsely believe that you are causing their pain.
_____________________________________

Because they have no other option left except bullying you. Why? Let's jump to narc world.

Due to low vibrational freequency energy and shortages of brain components of left anterior insula; they always feel sad,angry, fear, frustrated,shame. You can say their mind is like volcano/dark hollow. So they need someone make to feel the same as they feel inside and it is possible only by bullying you.

Yes... YOU!

It is not possible for them to bully everyone or make everyone suffer the same as they suffer inside. So they fix a target (you). But if they will get a chance to bully the whole world then they will not step back. It would feel like heaven for them to bully the whole world!!! You can history check from world war 2 in Nazi concentration camp. But now a days it's not possible to bully everyone so they manage with a single target.

They can survive without food but not without bullying.

So they practice dark energy/mind m@strubation to bully you long before your relationship begins.

The Secret Dark World.


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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #637 on: June 12, 2024, 09:54:19 PM »
Why do narcissists devalue you and go silent?

Narcissists devalue their partners to make them feel worthless and unwanted. Narcissists want to show they are better than you in every field. The main motive of narcissists is to gain control, authority, and power over you.

Once partners of narcissists start doubting themselves, it becomes easier for narcissists to control them. Another reason for devaluing is to regulate their self-esteem. Getting narcissistic supplies from you in the form of reactions and responses makes narcissists feel powerful in relationships.

Narcissists will erode your self-esteem and destroy your confidence. Constantly devaluing narcissists will make you dependent on their validation.

Going silent is also part of devaluing, where narcissists act like you don't exist and your presence doesn't matter. Narcissists may cheat or have a good time with anyone by ignoring you completely.

Narcissists want to show you that you are responsible and accountable for whatever is wrong in a relationship.







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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #638 on: June 12, 2024, 10:49:47 PM »
Victims don't "love" the narcissist. They "love what they choose to believe them to be, despite all other layers to their personality that tell them the truth about that toxic person.
What People Really Love About Narcissists

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #639 on: June 12, 2024, 10:55:09 PM »
The closer you get to God the more the Devil will throw at you.
5 Signs God is Protecting You from a Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS33RZvUOnY
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #640 on: June 12, 2024, 11:05:20 PM »
Narcissist, What To Do When They Try To
Take Your Power - Do This And They’ll
Leave You Alone


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWXb14_TO14
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #641 on: June 12, 2024, 11:11:16 PM »
Narcs only regret that they cant get more.
This Is What You Did That
the NARCISSIST NEVER Expected, Leaving
Them in Regret


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1Ni4MMZyHM
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #642 on: June 12, 2024, 11:44:36 PM »
HOW THE NARCISSIST SETS THE TRAP

How the narcissist sets the trap. The narcissist is always looking for new sources of supply. They lay traps all over the planet, looking for somebody to fall into these traps. The narcissist uses their smart phone as a weapon. The narcissist uses relationships as opportunities to get people to fall into the traps.

The narcissist cannot introspect they cannot improve, and they cannot be accountable. The narcissist is everywhere. Going no contact and blocking the narcissist is the path. Conserving your energy for yourself and getting your cup full is the path. Processing the relationship and leaving the past in the past and moving forward is the path. Sending positive energy and abundance. Namaste


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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #643 on: June 12, 2024, 11:50:34 PM »
Things That Sigma Empaths
Immediately Do When
Attacked By Narcissists

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #644 on: June 13, 2024, 12:27:14 AM »
If You Are a
Chosen One,
Keep This in ABSOLUTE Secrecy!



@randyvogt82
11 hours ago
I wonder how many people see these videos and “think” they are chosen?
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #645 on: June 13, 2024, 01:05:29 AM »



645 Replies
20315 Views

:superhero:
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #646 on: June 13, 2024, 02:15:39 AM »
Smart Ways to Deal with Toxic People

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn9EYOfEuKU

“The only thing we can control is our emotions and reactions”.
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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #647 on: June 13, 2024, 04:58:52 AM »
What makes narcissists sad?

I was married to a Narcissist for 26 years, but he was NOT married to me.

I loved Bob and Bob loved Bob.

That is the essence of narcissists.

I was 18 when we met and 20 when we married, so it took years of watching other married couples to figure out what our relationship was lacking, and then figure out why.

Everything was a negotiation to his advantage, and every negotiation required me to fulfill my side of the “bargain” first, after which he may or may not do his part. When I say everything, I mean from big things like agreeing on which car to purchase to minor things such as handing me a cup sitting next to him. Most conversations consisted of “If you will do this, then I might do that…” He constantly calculated his best interest, his chance at a “victory” (everything was a contest) and his chances at manipulating me into doing something for him that I might not want to do.

The sad part was that many of his elaborate manipulations were unnecessary because I was happy to do things for him anyway. That was not reciprocated. Narcissists do not do for others, they do not think of others, they do not anticipate the needs or wants of others, and they do not care about the desires, needs or feelings of others unless those feelings inconvenience the narcissist in his pursuit of getting whatever it is he wants in the moment.

For years I had this mental image of a thick wall separating us, with rings of barbed wire out front to keep me from the wall, and if only I could get through the barbed wire without bleeding to death, and somehow get through that wall, then I would be in where the sunshine and flowers were and he would see that I’m a safe person and we would both be happy.

But I came to realize that the wall and barbs were to keep me from finding out the truth, which was that the other side of the wall was desolate and barren. He wasn’t keeping me out of a good place, he was keeping me from knowing what an empty shell of a human being he is and that his whole life consisted of drifting like a vacuum cleaner, sucking the joy and warmth out of others into the infinite chasm of his soul.

Eventually I let go and left, and have been married for 14 years to someone who, while not perfect, is not a Narcissist. Every day is a revelation — spouses are emotionally available! Spouses are your biggest fan! Spouses do things for you just because, and appreciate when you do things for them!

Spouses don’t kick you when you’re down! They don’t act as “Judge, Jury and Executioner” without ever telling you what you are being punished for! Not one single item I own has been broken or gone missing as punishment for some unknown infraction!

WHO KNEW?!?!?!?!?! :>)
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It's said that somewhere deep down, narcissists are sad people. But what exactly saddens them? Here are a few things that might do it:

1. Being ignored or neglected. This is perhaps the most obvious one. If a narcissist feels like they're not getting the attention they deserve, it will definitely sadden them.

2. Hearing bad news about themselves. This could be anything from someone telling them they did a terrible job to learning that someone doesn't like them as much as they thought. In general, narcissists don't take kindly to criticism so this is bound to bother them.

3. Seeing other people succeed while they fail.

4. Not getting the attention they feel they deserve.

5. People not reaffirming their sense of importance and specialness.

6. Having to confront their own insecurity and inadequacy.

7. People not doing what they're supposed to do (according to the narcissist's expectations).

8. Not being able to control or manipulate others.
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You know honestly, I think their sadness comes across as anger from a narcissistic injury. Depending on what kind of narc you’re dealing with of course. The coverts, hate….HATE when their mask slips and you see them for who they really are instead of who they pretend to be.

All one has to do to hurt a narc is go NO CONTACT, be happy without them. If the flying monkeys come around and are probing you for information, do not engage them.

“Sorry friend, I will not discuss this person, I hope they find their way. I am supremely happy without them.”

And the flying monkey, true to form, will fly that information over to the narc and it will crush him/her. NO contact, though it may not seem like enough is more hurtful to narcs because they crave attention, ego stroking, and when that stops they can’t breathe! IF and when you see them in public and they notice you, make sure you are smiling or laughing and do not even look their way.

This could even incite Narcissistic collapse. Narcissists by nature do not feel anything for you. So, how do you feel about the stapler on your desk? Well, you don’t until you need it to serve you. Hence the “feelings” of a narc, covert or otherwise. I hope this help a little. Be strong, know your worth, and choose happiness even if that means it’s just you and GOD!

Peace be with you!
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Every narc I have known, which includes both my parents a few ex’s and a few ‘friends,’ okay many friends, were some of the saddest people I have ever known.

Narcs turn every emotion into anger or charm. They channel all their emotions into manipulation tools. But they are human as well. And in my experience their depression, which is what I equate most sadness to, is a very deep deep thing that they fear, because to be sad is to be weak and to show sadness is to show weakness, but anger is viewed differently in society, particularly for males, so it is acceptable and as a bonus, it makes people scared which makes them easier to manipulate or keep away.

I also have learned in this half century of life that a lot comes out while people are asleep. My mates that were narcs ALL had night terrors. They all fought out, cried, and yelled in their sleep regularly. They also moan (like a wounded child or animal, not in a sexual way) and punch. I believe that because they ARE human that they DO have normal emotions but that these are at much lower volumes than normal beings and MUCH MUCH lower than Empaths, which is who they often search out if they can’t find someone who is much weaker than themselves or emotionally needy.

Anyway, this low level of basic emotion, particularly guilt and sometimes shame (but shame is often pretty easily turned into anger) is what I believe is being released in their sleep.

So why do they fight and yell and punch? Because nothing scares a narc more than uncontrolled FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

These are their Kryptonite.

This is what they bury as deep as they can. Any abuses they took as children and anything that they have felt as adults that can be looked upon as weak or they consider ‘disrespect’ that wasn’t expressed in wake is buried here. Have you ever noticed that a narc will bring up disrespect and respect in every heated interaction, and many basic ones as well?

Not disrespect in the case of themselves towards others but how THEY are or were being disrespected? This is what they crave for their image. Respect. But, like love, they have no real concept of what it genuinely means or entails.

Respect is another one of those ‘issues’ all my narcs have had in common. The weaker narcs also crave affirmation. Affirmation is BIG to the weaker ones and the scarier ones usually don’t care what YOU think but they REALLY care about what everyone else thinks.

Another super awesome dynamic of this kind of relationship. You are nothing, but the stranger that they will never ever see again? Those are the people whose affirmation/respect that they crave and YOU are a piece of crap (as you are to blame for all things no matter how big or small or far fetched or improbable… but I digress) because that stranger in the narcs little warped mind, DOES matter.

Anyway, that’s my 2 cents. My experience and a bit of my theories.


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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #648 on: June 13, 2024, 05:15:12 AM »
How can you detect a narcissist’s weakness?

Tell him “No”… about ANY request he makes of you, then watch the biggest tiddy-baby tantrum you've EVER witnessed happen.

Bring popcorn.
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They generally tell you them pretty quickly.

First of all, they will tell you their victim story. Keep this in mind later to mock and ridicule them with, or just guffaw at them from the get go. They are absolutely humiliated when you weaponise their weaponised victimhood against them. They were supposed to use it against you!

Narcissists hate being outdone, and most are very lazy, so just be more productive than them which burns them something severe.

Narcissists are jealous of your happiness. Be happy around them, not too much, just make it a little bit more than usual. Do it in a gently teasing way. They hate people knowing that they have a toy the narcissist wants but will never have.

They despise cheerful singing.

Narcissists hate feeling powerless. If they insult you, agree, amplify and laugh about it.

“Why yes I am evil. Evil AND a monster!”

Insert evil laugh here.

They will encroach on your boundaries, so you can often tell them no, which hurts their feelings . They are incredibly entitled - they will try to manipulate you to do, or not to do certain things by using guilt or shame. As they are simple, they generally aren't attempting reverse psychology, and if you do that thing they don't want you to do, or just the opposite of what they want you to do, they will get angry, another indicator of their weakness.

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

A narcissist is a boxer that leads with the nose.


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tellomon

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Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Reply #649 on: June 13, 2024, 05:22:56 AM »
Why do narcissists get mad
when you get emotional?

Because you are making it all about YOU. You are SO selfish.

No room for your feelings in a narcissistic relationship. My NPD ex ‘husband' used to mimic me if cried. Boohoo, boohoo. Not grizzling again are you!? Wow, he was VILE.
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Yes a narcissistic will get mad when you get emotional. The relationship is all about them being happy and if you get emotional you are ruining their day.
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The reason they get mad is because it takes the attention off of them. Narcissists need all people to rotate around their needs, wants, and desires. If you get sad or mad or anything and they have to pay attention to you for one minute, they see it as they have now wasted one minute of their lives on something that isn’t about them or important to them.

My best advice is if you realize somebody is a narcissist, get away from them as quickly as you can. You will never be able to have a quality relationship with a narcissist.
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To make you cry more, or. They just want you to shut up so you can get busy trying to make them happy again.

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