Author Topic: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++  (Read 560352 times)

*Ubbie Max*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1050 on: October 03, 2009, 03:46:43 PM »
One for Tommy.


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tellomon

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1051 on: October 03, 2009, 04:44:43 PM »
It's endless....
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**Cupie**

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1052 on: October 03, 2009, 05:01:46 PM »
But it's HIS thread tello......live and let live....you have 20 threads of your own...lol...you can't say anyone is a 'favourite'....lol.

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1053 on: October 03, 2009, 05:02:51 PM »
Forgot to mention...Tommy is Irish...Many Aussies have Oirish heritage......and so, we love Oirish humour......hehehehe....

tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1054 on: October 03, 2009, 06:46:30 PM »
Goodmorning  9.45am here
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*Yibida*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1055 on: October 03, 2009, 06:47:47 PM »
Yo tommy !.........onehunglow   to ya....LOL

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1056 on: October 03, 2009, 06:48:03 PM »
HI Tommy...Queens Birthday long weekend over here...so we have tourists absolutely EVERYWHERE !!!

tellomon

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1057 on: October 03, 2009, 11:18:40 PM »
Forgot to mention...Tommy is Irish...Many Aussies have Oirish heritage......and so, we love Oirish humour......hehehehe....

Don't get me wrong. It's refreshing to know that there's peeps in the world who are more talented than me.
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tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1058 on: October 04, 2009, 06:55:41 PM »
Hills as green as emeralds
Cover the countryside
Lakes as blue as sapphires-
And Ireland’s special pride
And rivers that shine like silver
Make Ireland look so fair-
But the friendliness of her people
Is the richest treasure there
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*FluffyDuckee*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1059 on: October 04, 2009, 06:56:52 PM »
Yep, I've seen and walked on those hills Tommy.  Very nice.  ;D
:duckling:

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1060 on: October 04, 2009, 07:04:13 PM »
Hi Fluffy duck
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cueperkins

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1061 on: October 04, 2009, 07:23:19 PM »
Hi Tommy...hows things...?

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1062 on: October 04, 2009, 07:31:57 PM »
Hi Cupie..things are great  .suns starting to shine here
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cueperkins

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1063 on: October 04, 2009, 07:38:14 PM »
It's been raining here the last few days...Friday was torrential, but we did need it....so I'm not complaining...we have a lot of sunshine in Oz and we're always in need of rain...lol.... you guys must be the other way around....maybe we take it for granted...

*CountessA*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1064 on: October 04, 2009, 08:01:45 PM »
Hello to everyone. Greenness... how lovely. I see that Victoria (wasn't it called the garden state at one time?) is becoming less green with the water problem.
"No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is ...a part of the maine; ...any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde"

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1065 on: October 05, 2009, 06:11:01 PM »
Hi Countessa we are starting to get a storm here
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*FluffyDuckee*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1066 on: October 05, 2009, 06:12:58 PM »
Hello Tommy.

I hope you have a good umbrella.

 ;D
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1067 on: October 05, 2009, 06:21:29 PM »
I got the watchers snipe 6000 :yess: :yess: :yess: :youaretheman: :youaretheman: :youaretheman:
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tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1068 on: October 06, 2009, 07:19:25 PM »
Heavy rain today
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cueperkins

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1069 on: October 06, 2009, 07:38:11 PM »
We got rain this afternoon, through sunshine...really nice.

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1070 on: October 06, 2009, 07:39:49 PM »
big rainbow over sydney tonight driving home, was a classic, wide, colourful etc

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1071 on: October 06, 2009, 07:40:12 PM »
and the pot of gold ended guess where.... the loo

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1072 on: October 06, 2009, 07:40:34 PM »
other end was some building in george st.

*CountessA*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1073 on: October 06, 2009, 07:57:06 PM »
Well, well - coincidentally I saw a rainbow tonight as I was driving home. It was in its evanescent final shimmering few moments. I pulled over, stopped, took a picture with my iPhone... I don't know how it turned out, as the rainbow was fading quickly .
"No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is ...a part of the maine; ...any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde"

*barny*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1074 on: October 07, 2009, 07:34:32 PM »
In an attempt to keep up with Tommy, I submit the following

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.  Paddy ordered a whiskey.  The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'

Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.  The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'

Paddy replies 'I don’t know!  Its your f***ing plane!!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.  After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spread-eagled & says 'You know what I want don’t you?'

'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What’s a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An Irishman applying for a job as a blacksmith was asked if he had any experience shoeing horses.

He said no, but he had told a donkey to f %#&  off once.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.  A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said 'I don’t think that’s her, she wasn’t that tall!'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour’s dog is barking like mad in the garden.  Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'

Paddy replies 'I’ve put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And this also

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.  'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn’t even know they had mobile phones!'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.  Mick say 'Crikey!  There’s a bloke here who was 152!'

Paddy says 'What’s his name?'

Mick replies 'Miles from London!'

 :wine:


If you try to fail, and succeed, what have you done ??

tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1075 on: October 07, 2009, 08:02:45 PM »
Great jokes Barney....
 ?Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam.

Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Paddy: Four.

Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home!

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tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1076 on: October 08, 2009, 06:49:06 PM »
An alien craft is circling the earth and their sentient life alarm sounds, so they land.
Unfortunately its a Sunday in Arizona and they land behind a garage behind the repair bay, and nothing is happening so they shout to each other "ZZorg hhhssd ttyt" and kick the sentient life sensor and take off again
As they're going up the sentient life alarm goes crazy
Beep beep beep so they say again "ZZorg hhhssd tyt" and reland, but this time they land in front of the garage and they see the petrol pumps, and they approach the first pump and say "Take me to your leader" but there is no reply, so they get well angry and move to the second pump and say "Take me to your leader". Still no answer.
Now they are really wild, and move to the third pump; and by this time they have their ray guns at the ready and they say "Take me to your leader otherwise we will vapourize you!" But still no answer.
They pull their triggers-but they don't know that there's 20,000 gallons of gas under the pumps, there is a huge esxplosion and they get blown out into the desert, landing close to their craft, stunned but alive. They get up shaking their heads and one turns to the other and says" You know, I knew they were hard bastards when I saw tem standing in a row with their cocks stuck in their ears"
.
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*Yibida*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1077 on: October 08, 2009, 08:02:50 PM »
An alien craft is circling the earth and their sentient life alarm sounds, so they land.
Unfortunately its a Sunday in Arizona and they land behind a garage behind the repair bay, and nothing is happening so they shout to each other "ZZorg hhhssd ttyt" and kick the sentient life sensor and take off again
As they're going up the sentient life alarm goes crazy
Beep beep beep so they say again "ZZorg hhhssd tyt" and reland, but this time they land in front of the garage and they see the petrol pumps, and they approach the first pump and say "Take me to your leader" but there is no reply, so they get well angry and move to the second pump and say "Take me to your leader". Still no answer.
Now they are really wild, and move to the third pump; and by this time they have their ray guns at the ready and they say "Take me to your leader otherwise we will vapourize you!" But still no answer.
They pull their triggers-but they don't know that there's 20,000 gallons of gas under the pumps, there is a huge esxplosion and they get blown out into the desert, landing close to their craft, stunned but alive. They get up shaking their heads and one turns to the other and says" You know, I knew they were hard bastards when I saw tem standing in a row with their cocks stuck in their ears"






LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Now this is what I'm talking about !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 10/10*********

tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1078 on: October 09, 2009, 06:50:22 PM »



A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.
"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead."
So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, darling?"
"No," she snapped back, "I definitely shut it." Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
The next morning, she woke up feeling a little frisky herself, so she nudged her husband and said: "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all..."
"Don't worry," said the man. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."
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tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1079 on: October 10, 2009, 06:49:16 PM »
An elderly couple were driving through County Kerry, Ireland. Irene was driving when she got pulled over by the Gardai, who asks her, 'Ma'am did you know that you were speeding?'

Irene turns to her husband, Mick and enquires, 'What did he say?'

Mick yells out, 'He says you were speeding!'
The Garda said, 'May I see your license, please ma'am?'

Irene, once again, turns to Mick and says, 'What did he say?'

Once more, Mick, shouts out, 'He wants to see your license!'

Irene gives the policeman her driving license.

The Garda retorts, 'I see you are from Kerry. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had.'

For the final time, Irene turns to Mick and asks, 'What did he say?'

Mick yells very loudly, 'He thinks he knows you!'

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tellomon

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1080 on: October 10, 2009, 09:13:59 PM »
I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
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*CountessA*

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1081 on: October 10, 2009, 09:54:46 PM »
Never mind. We'll care on your behalf. A sort of proxy-care system.
"No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is ...a part of the maine; ...any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde"

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1082 on: October 11, 2009, 12:27:39 AM »
Fluffy cares....   :grouphug:
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1083 on: October 11, 2009, 07:09:39 PM »
Hi everyone
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1084 on: October 11, 2009, 10:04:26 PM »
Hi Tommy.  :kisshug:
:duckling:

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1085 on: October 11, 2009, 10:10:01 PM »
Tommy, hello -  :leprachaun: How is this as an Irish emoticon for you?
"No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is ...a part of the maine; ...any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde"

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1086 on: October 12, 2009, 06:32:09 PM »
I love the hat Countessa...Hi Fluffy ... :kisshug:
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1087 on: October 12, 2009, 06:43:44 PM »
Hi tommy...you should think yourself lucky...not everyone has their own emoticon....Poddy and I don't..... :hanky:

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1088 on: October 12, 2009, 06:50:54 PM »
Blardy 'ell...

Tommy has lost his hat... And I believe he is offering a huge reward for it's return.

 :wine:
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tommy.irene

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1089 on: October 12, 2009, 07:08:38 PM »
Who took my hat..please return it..me heads cold
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1090 on: October 13, 2009, 10:14:08 PM »
Hello Tommy.   What kind of shirt are you wearing?  You look like a preacherman or something. 
:duckling:

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1091 on: October 13, 2009, 10:18:05 PM »
Hello Tommy.   What kind of shirt are you wearing?  You look like a preacherman or something. 

Undertaker's costume, sans Top Hat?
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1092 on: October 13, 2009, 10:22:14 PM »
Yeah. I was wondering that. Hey Tommy, are you a man of the cloth?

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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1093 on: October 14, 2009, 05:31:43 PM »
Thats a laught
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1094 on: October 15, 2009, 07:02:57 PM »
Hi everyone another lovely day
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1095 on: October 16, 2009, 05:59:51 PM »


An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month."

Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."

After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad... he went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.

He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, Murphy's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"

Murphy said,"I am dying from cancer, son, I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
 
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1096 on: October 17, 2009, 07:25:49 PM »
Saturday again
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1097 on: October 18, 2009, 02:30:17 AM »
Same here.

Friday night is a blurrrrrr.

I'll hear about it Sunday.
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1098 on: October 18, 2009, 11:27:49 AM »
Have ya found ya hat yet Tommy?     :goodluck:
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Re: ++++ WHATS UP WITH THE UK BOARD ++++
« Reply #1099 on: October 18, 2009, 07:09:12 PM »
Someone has it Fluffy.

A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes."

...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
 
.....
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