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91
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 06:54:55 AM »

What exactly does a narcissist want in a relationship?


There are the things the narcissist knows they want, and there are the things they subconsciously want.

What the narcissist knows they want:

Elevation of their status: Being with someone bright, attractive, successful, wealthy, connected, funny, or talented makes them feel more valuable than they do on their own. They want access to financial or other resources they otherwise don't have.

Loyalty: They expect you to confirm their story, eliminate relationships with friends and exes, and put them before everything else.

Respect for their boundaries: They expect you to not snoop around their belongings or talk when they're watching TV or want silence.

Unconditional trust: They expect you to not question them too much and blindly believe their stories. They want to always be right and win at everything.

Compliance: They expect you to not challenge them, to obey their commands without question, and to be in control.

What the narcissist subconsciously wants:

Regulation of their emotions: They can't control their emotions well, and they want you to prevent their feelings of low self-esteem and shame.

Narcissistic supply: They need attention to survive and will do anything to get it, whether through positive or negative means.

Validation: They want confirmation that they are correct and approval from you.

Admiration and praise: They want to be seen as unique, special, and admirable.

Confirmation of their false reality: They want you to validate the false narrative they've crafted since childhood.

In conclusion, above all else, the narcissist wants you to see them as the person they wish to be.
___________________________________

Great question,

There has been a popular meme getting around that says

“A narcissists demands that you give up everything in order to be their nothing”.

This simple and yet profound statement captures both very essence of a narcissistic relationship as well as the needs (or rather demands) of the narcissist.

A narcissists first and foremost concern will always be for themselves, their needs, their desires, and their wants. The concerns of others will always be secondary to a narcissist which eventually results in a narcissists significant other developing feelings of diminishment and insignificance. This sense of devaluation will eventually erode their significant others self-esteem and sense of self worth.

A narcissist only cares about themselves and sees others in terms of resource potential. Once that resource has been depleted, a narcissist will move on to the next and so on.
__________________________________________

In simple terms, they want attention, validation and to get their way/have their needs met at all times and at any expense. They are adults who are emotionally stuck at the toddler level and are therefore very egocentric.

When you understand what toddlers want and what happens when they don’t get it, you’ll understand narcissism. The only thing being an adult does for them is it increases their viciousness and level of damage they can inflict on others.

And they can spend their "Time-Out" in Jail.
________________________________________

Control…. That's why when a narcissist loses control of you they lose their minds. A big reason that a narcissist needs control is because when they were children, they had no control of any of the bad situations or abuse that they endured.

In a way it makes them feel safe.

They want control over everything in the relationship. They live by their own rules and you live by a different set of rules.

They want you to behave like a good supply or else you will be of no longer any use to them.

At the end of the day they are extremely self absorbed while looking like the perfect citizen to most.

Again, control is what they need.
_______________________________________

Better ask yourself why you are in a relationship with a narcissist!

No one screws a nut onto a nail. If you are/have been/want to be in a narcissistic relationship it is because you are as or even more narcissistic than your partner… just because you are a coward to prefer to accept miserable crumbs of something that is not even love instead of being brave and healing your heart, making you responsible for your life and your happiness.

A narcissist is someone who has a deep inner emptiness and tries to fill it by absorbing others. But that void is never filled, because nothing from the outside can fill an inner void. So when the narcissist feels empty again — that is, quickly — he leaves his absorbed and looks for another with the useless hope that it will fill him/her.

But there is another type of person —which I call a meta-narcissist— who also has a deep inner emptiness but tries to fill it by allowing himself / herself to be absorbed by another —the narcissist—. But when the narcissist finds that he/she does not fill his/her void, he/she abandons him/her and the meta-narcissist becomes depressed and feels abandoned. (The dumped person often hides under the name ‘victim.’)

AND TO HEAL:

The first thing that you must do is clean up all the blocked emotions and stress that you have —we all have— in your heart. Those are like ‘coloured glasses’ that tint everything we see and feel. They are, also, the way our mind controls us.

Then, you fill your heart with your own love, your own trust, and your own appreciation. You are the only one that can fill your heart. Nothing external will do. You’ll become responsible of your life and happiness.

You find your inner place of peace and joy. And intuition is developed. You’ll know from deep inside yourself all the answers —and the questions!— that you need to know.
To attain that, I use deep meditation. I use the Isha system.

Deep meditation means to let your thoughts pass by and give guidance of your life to your heart. You become responsible of your life and happiness. You find your inner place of peace and joy. And develop intuition.

Emotions are like water: if they flow, they are clear and healthy; if they stagnate, they root. If you totally block them —like a dam— then they most surely will explode.
So, let them flow. Just choose the right place to do that. Never in the face of another person, just in a matrix or pillow.

A wise person is the one that strives to achieve the perfect balance between mind, feelings and will, to become the best human being he/she can be.

Only if you love yourself, trust yourself, and appreciate yourself... those are the foundations of self-worth and self-esteem... will you be able to really love another person and be loved.

Remember that you learn to love by loving yourself; to trust in you is learned by trusting in you; to appreciate you is learned by appreciating you. Start small and soon you will see big changes.

Praise, bless, thank everyone, everywhere, every time.
It’s a change in your attitude toward life.

Give, do not take.


92
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 06:10:12 AM »
What drives a narcissist insane?

Narcissists are easy to drive insane when you do any or all of the following:

Criticize them
One up them
Do something/anything better than them
Withhold praise
Withhold attention
Don't include them in a conversation at an event
Forget to introduce them in public
Fail to recognize things their preposterous fauxchievements
Forget your wallet after you invite them out for dinner
Withhold sex
Stop waiting on them hand and foot
Tell them you don't like their outfit, shoes, haircut
Wait longer to return their calls, texts, emails
Flirt with someone of the opposite sex in front of them - like they do to you
Tell them they are getting old and you see a few gray hairs
Tell them you think they are balding
Tell them they need to start working out or working out more
Minimize your sexual pleasure- say it was just “ok” or “alright”
Make them take care of the kids and have an expensive spa day without them
Ask them to pick up the tab
Ask for a date night, ha!
Tell them they need therapy or couples counseling
Tell them you are leaving or want a divorce
Make yourself the center of attention at a party and watch them squirm
Tell them you find another male/female astonishingly gorgeous
Buy a nicer house or car than them
Start talking over them
Stop listening to them
Give them the silent treatment
Discard them first after a devaluation
But beware bc narcissists are children in adult bodies with big words, a mean streak ten miles wide, no remorse, and a thirst for vengeance.


93
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 05:32:42 AM »
Why does a narcissistic do things transactional,
and where does it stem from?

Since narcissists do not have self-esteem, which is an internal, love-based source of validation, they are constantly seeking external validation in the form of adulation and admiration. That is their drug, and they valuate people and things based on the quality and quantity of validation those people offer to the narcissist.

Narcissists lack the empathy to process and reciprocate love, therefore they can’t and don’t value it like healthy people. The only kind of “love” they can feel is how important and exalted someone makes them feel. Subconsciously, narcissists see people as commodities who supply them with validation. Instead of bonding with people via love, they valuate people based on their supply and keep them around only until their supply runs out.

When a person no longer makes a narcissist feel exalted or superior, the narcissist no longer has a use for that person, so they discard them in favor of seeking a new source of supply. Obviously it’s a very cold and calculating thing to do, but that’s how narcissists operate. Regarding people as a commodity explains the transactional element of narcissistic behavior.


94
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 05:22:49 AM »
How does a covert narcissist attack their victims?

The covert Narcissist uses some “poor me” victim story or drama to draw in a sympathizer.

She asks that compassionate, listening person for her thoughts and feelings about this kind of situation. She flatters her new “friend” for being so wise and understanding. She looks at her rescuer with awe, wondering aloud how she ever functioned without this wonderful hero.

Then the day comes when she “achieves” something: stands up to the boss, pays her own electricity bill, gets a nice haircut. Something “better” than her hero.

And she smugly turns to the hero and says, “This is something you’re not so great at, eh?”

But while she’s on that subject, haha, so funny, look at this other thing you’re so silly about. And SERIOUSLY? You’re going to wear THAT??

And then a sigh because you’ve let her down. And then a little outburst of rage because her problem came back and you had promised to fix that for her.

Then she is using all your deepest insecurities against you, mentioning them in an inappropriate context. Like sympathetically talking about your constipation problem while you’re chatting with an important new business contact. Or pointing out how it’s your fault that she lost her temper and called her boss the “C” word because you are always going on about how you are superior to YOUR boss. Now she’s fired and can’t pay the bills so you’d better do it.

It continues in this vein until you are a worn out dishrag and you leave her because you don’t care about anything or have any more energy to deal with it. But you feel guilty, because, of course, she is right about some of the things she said about you. After all, they are things you told her yourself.

And she knows you feel guilty. Which is why she then tells all your closest friends and family about how much you abused her, using a carefully-curated list of your very own faults that you yourself revealed to her.

Because if you do anything whatsoever to defend or redeem yourself, it will prove that you were using her all along and that you are a worthless piece of shite who ruined her life.

She then takes on all your “heroic” qualities for herself and posts memes on Facebook about never putting up with someone who doesn’t appreciate her for exactly who she is.


95
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 04:59:06 AM »
Why do narcissists seem to
get away with it all,
all of the time?

This is all smoke and mirrors.

The female narcissist ex that I personally have experience with exuded an aura of confidence and self-assuredness when I got to know her from a distance. Once I got closer, her insecurities about her age (she was 47 but carried around a fake driver’s license that said she was 40), appearance (she was physically attractive but held onto hurtful things that a classmate had once said to her in high school), and her abilities seeped out like pus from an old infection. Shortly after starting a romantic and sexual relationship with her, she revealed so much rage, jealousy, and overall bitterness that her negative energy slowly consumed me.

Narcissists are incredibly flocked up children who live in a fantasy world — unable to deal with reality, they live in a permanent state of denial where they can pretend to not be the lying, cheating whores, con artists, or useless social parasites they are. They are too weak to live their lives as responsible adults so they are relegated to a merely pretend life where they are admirable and looked up to by those they secretly want to be. In order to do this, they become great liars and manipulators while remaining generally secretive about how miserable their lives are. Because I find attention whores so incredibly off-putting, I was initially attracted to how private she was, thinking that this was someone with a strong sense of boundaries. Lesson learned. There is a big difference between private and secretive.

Once I started to discover the painful reality that the real version of her was not like the person she pretended to be in the beginning, I started to ask her questions to things I already knew — such as whether she lived in a house or apartment — just to see if she would lie. Of course, these on-going tests proved that she was a compulsive liar, which all narcissists are. They are shame-based individuals so anytime they are put in the spotlight, they panic and end up lying. It is a sub-conscious reaction; they really can’t help it.

So in the end, after I brutally dumped her and called her out on everything she had lied about with proof, screenshots of text messages that she had forgotten about, etc. she just sat there with a glazed look in her eyes, looking off into space and muttering anything she could say to either shift the blame to someone else, shift the blame to the pandemic for her bad behavior, shift the blame to me for making her feel insecure, or shift the blame to her husband for neglecting her or not knowing how to get her off like I could.

In other words, she is a crazy, delusional, irrelevant hag who goes out of her way to feel validation in an attempt to feel like she’s not a complete loser in life (which she is). I’d bet money that she has not told her husband about the affair and will continue to pretend that everything is peachy around him but I wouldn’t say that she is getting away with anything. It’s just that she is always in denial and lies to herself constantly about who she really is and what she does. In the end, there is no escaping who she is and living through the consequences of all her poor life decisions over the years.

One day, it is all going to hit her and when it does, it’s going to hit her hard. As I told her the last time I saw her, “You don’t deserve me. You deserve your life and every flocked up thing about it.”


96
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 02:15:50 AM »
What is "love-bombing"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhILcuoVhgE


@TheCommentBandit
4 years ago
It's freaky how they all instinctively have the same personality patterns...
97
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 02:04:10 AM »
Clear Warnings From The Universe Of An Evil Person

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcYBaHxZFxA

98
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 01:56:06 AM »
This Is Why Narcissists Can't Maintain Relationships

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMkIrCszqRc

99
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 01:51:16 AM »
How to Beat a Narcissist at Their Own Game | Story time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-xULFXRHT0&t=229s


@theartzscientist8012
5 months ago
I believe to defeat a narc, you need to stop caring what they think. Be true to yourself and your feelings. Set boundaries!
100
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on April 17, 2024, 01:25:21 AM »
Narcissists are Satan's Agents: Proof that They're Evil!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkGG_wu9LaA&t=763s
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