Why do narcissists seem to
get away with it all,
all of the time?
This is all smoke and mirrors.
The female narcissist ex that I personally have experience with exuded an aura of confidence and self-assuredness when I got to know her from a distance. Once I got closer, her insecurities about her age (she was 47 but carried around a fake driver’s license that said she was 40), appearance (she was physically attractive but held onto hurtful things that a classmate had once said to her in high school), and her abilities seeped out like pus from an old infection. Shortly after starting a romantic and sexual relationship with her, she revealed so much rage, jealousy, and overall bitterness that her negative energy slowly consumed me.
Narcissists are incredibly flocked up children who live in a fantasy world — unable to deal with reality, they live in a permanent state of denial where they can pretend to not be the lying, cheating whores, con artists, or useless social parasites they are. They are too weak to live their lives as responsible adults so they are relegated to a merely pretend life where they are admirable and looked up to by those they secretly want to be. In order to do this, they become great liars and manipulators while remaining generally secretive about how miserable their lives are. Because I find attention whores so incredibly off-putting, I was initially attracted to how private she was, thinking that this was someone with a strong sense of boundaries. Lesson learned. There is a big difference between private and secretive.
Once I started to discover the painful reality that the real version of her was not like the person she pretended to be in the beginning, I started to ask her questions to things I already knew — such as whether she lived in a house or apartment — just to see if she would lie. Of course, these on-going tests proved that she was a compulsive liar, which all narcissists are. They are shame-based individuals so anytime they are put in the spotlight, they panic and end up lying. It is a sub-conscious reaction; they really can’t help it.
So in the end, after I brutally dumped her and called her out on everything she had lied about with proof, screenshots of text messages that she had forgotten about, etc. she just sat there with a glazed look in her eyes, looking off into space and muttering anything she could say to either shift the blame to someone else, shift the blame to the pandemic for her bad behavior, shift the blame to me for making her feel insecure, or shift the blame to her husband for neglecting her or not knowing how to get her off like I could.
In other words, she is a crazy, delusional, irrelevant hag who goes out of her way to feel validation in an attempt to feel like she’s not a complete loser in life (which she is). I’d bet money that she has not told her husband about the affair and will continue to pretend that everything is peachy around him but I wouldn’t say that she is getting away with anything. It’s just that she is always in denial and lies to herself constantly about who she really is and what she does. In the end, there is no escaping who she is and living through the consequences of all her poor life decisions over the years.
One day, it is all going to hit her and when it does, it’s going to hit her hard. As I told her the last time I saw her, “You don’t deserve me. You deserve your life and every flocked up thing about it.”
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