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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 03:41:02 AM »Will a narcissist fake forgiveness?
Narcissists don't have the capacity to genuinely forgive a person. If you ask for forgiveness from narcissists, it means you have admitted your mistakes, so the narcissist feels they haven't done anything wrong by punishing you. Narcissists take your apology as a sign that you have finally surrendered. Narcissists will treat you badly again and again.
Suppose it was your mistake, then get ready for payback when you apologize to narcissists. Narcissists don't forgive you because their egos just don't allow them to let you go without being punished.
Narcissists will always use your apology as an excuse to treat you more badly in the future. Narcissists will keep reminding you of your past mistakes so that they can commit more offenses.
Narcissists will even brag to people that you made mistakes and then demanded forgiveness. This is how narcissists are going to make you look like a horrible person in a relationship in front of everyone. Narcissists may forgive you superficially, but they will keep grudges on you.
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Yes, very possibly. Just like people who are not narcissists, narcissists will not all behave identically, have the exact same motivations and goals, nor necessarily behave consistently all the time
But in broad terms, if they think it suits their agendas, and will help them get what they want but without too much cost to themselves, then yes, a narcissist might well fake forgiveness.
For example a narcissist being broadly a selfish personality, may well feel that you did them wrong, when you tossed them out of your home after you became aware of what a manipulative, selfish, cheating, mooching, self-centred, egotistical scumbag they were and still are.
This hurt them some, and a few nights without all the 24–7 on demand creature comforts of you and your fridge, wallet and home hurt them some more. All of which is your fault, at least in their narcissist noodle - so they are angry, annoyed and disappointed with you.
But in due course, they realise that as you are (more or less) an easy going, over trusting, and loving soul - as well as the provider of all sorts of good stuff, they can simply tell you what you want to hear, like they forgive you (along with expressing a wish to do better, promising to work with you on making changes, and generally love bombing you) and with a fair wind they will soon get all their “benefits” back and their narcissist racket lifestyle can continue…….
Note well above that the narcissist never promised to make any specific changes, nor even any changes of any sort themselves…….they may well work with you like they said but ultimately it will .be YOU that they see as needing to do better, and to make changes.
But even if they do promise specific stuff they will do, then that will soon be forgotten, and to the narcissist its of no consequence if they don’t keep their own promises to you, as YOU are the one that did them wrong and YOU hurt them, and so they are totally justified in doing whatever it takes to reassert themselves.
Also note that the narcissist has even managed to seize what some will see as the moral high ground here i.e they have forgiven you - as if you are the one that did something wrong.
