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1
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 10:59:57 AM »
Is it rightful to forgive the narcissist from his / her wrongdoings?

:jandoor:

Hell To The NO!!!

The Evil Things The Narcissist Did To You, Over & Over Again, Were Done On Purpose.

Remember This:

The damage that was done to you is REAL and Sadistically Done For Their Pleasure.

You were NOT allowed to Speak YOUR Truth.

You were Shamed for not wanting to be abused.

You were told everything that went wrong, was Your Fault.

You were Blamed for the Toxic Person's Behavior and forced to accept it.

You were Invalidated daily.

You were told to just Shut Up & Take It — Be Submissive And Allow The Abuse.

NO, it was Not Your Fault.

Be Kind To Yourself. Forgive Yourself—NOT The Devil.
Do Not Allow Anyone tell you that YOU have a problem for not forgiving the Abuse/Abusive Person(S) — Whoever Tells YOU That, Send Them To HELL!

NO, You Do Not have to “Forgive" Toxicity to Move Forward and Don't let anyone Gaslight — Manipulate — Guilt Trip you into believing that — Again, Just Send Them To HELL!!

Go ZERO Contact with ALL Toxic Persons/Environments — Don't Look Back!
LOVE & Be Loyal To Yourself.
The Narcissist Does NOT Deserve Your Forgiveness, EVER.
_____________________________________

When you have the need to “forgive” someone else for what they’ve done…. When someone has done something bad enough that warrants forgiveness…. I don’t think anyone who did that level of deed is worthy of receiving it.

Forgiveness is never for the abuser, but rather the abused. It is to allow the grip they have on you… the mental stronghold to be released. Reliving the event over and over and giving it space in your memory and in your body is continued punishment and continued abuse. This is what forgiveness is about.

It is never to let someone else off the hook. It is never saying what they did was ok. It is never saying it didn’t matter. It’s never a Get Out of Jail Free Pass. A person doesn’t “let it go” because it was nothing.

You let it go because it’s putrid and foul and it’s stinking up the place. Are you going to eat food that is spoiled, or are you going to throw it away and forget about it? Are you going to keep cutting yourself? Are you going to keep banging your head against a wall?

Forgiveness is releasing the negativity, the horrible-ness in your body, from your body and getting rid of it. Keeping it attracts more negativity to you since like attracts like. It is a person caring for oneself by removing the negativity, breaking the bond that causes between you and the perpetrator, and hopefully filling that energy up with love, positivity.

The best case for forgiveness I have read to date was this…. When you don’t forgive someone else, you hang onto the memory, you hang onto the event, you relive it over and over. You keep it alive, and you keep the event recurring over and over.

It is like YOU are now abusing yourself over and over with your memories of the event which cause continued pain. You are giving the event continued life. You are keeping yourself abused, as you are now doing the abusing by reliving the event. It’s the same as if you went back to that person and asked him/her to do it again, and again, and again.

Your body and mind does not know the difference between reality and thoughts / memories. Same impact on the body. So now, what happened once, you have done to yourself hundreds of times every time you remember it, by giving it life.

Are narcs worthy of forgiveness? Hell no.

Am I worthy of forgiveness to release the event? Am I worthy of being released from the bondage of what happened? Am I worthy of moving onto better events, and creating better more worthwhile new memories? Am I worthy of not reliving and abusing myself by reliving the event? HELL YES.
______________________________________

Hell no..

Why? Because they know exactly what they did to you.

Just to let reality slip into your mind for a moment let me refresh the part of your memory that needs to be refreshed.

And I’m not talking about the fantasy person you fell in love with, that was not real…

The person that you saw in front of you gaslighting you, hitting you, cheating on you, lying to you, yelling at you, scaring you, abusing you mentally, psychologically and emotionally.

That is WHO THEY ARE.

That is the person you were in a relationship with, that is the reality.

You do not have to forgive someone who actually hates you, despises the ground you walk on and never loved you.

Not now, not then, not EVER!!!


2
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 10:12:03 AM »
Are all evil people narcissistic?

:devil:

Yes, all evil is narcissistic.

Evil enjoys causing discord and chaos, bringing destruction to innocents, and making life difficult and harsh for people. Evil enjoys hoarding and being unfair. It takes without returning, or tricks you into thinking you’re getting a piece of the pie too.

This world was founded on narcissism. The people at the top want to keep the people at the bottom suffering. They taught you that the only way to find happiness is constantly striving to get that carrot, so they feed your mind with lies that are taught to you by your parents, the classroom, television...The RULING CLASS.

The more you strive, the less you find happiness. The less you find happiness, the more you become narcissistic, and the more the world becomes narcissistic. Whatever resides at the top of the narcissistic pyramid eventually finds its way down to the lower rungs, so that even the poorest people will kill one another for a piece of that pie too.

Now, evil is not necessarily being loud and defiant.
Narcissists would want you to believe that.

They would want you to believe that revolutions are unnecessary. Sometimes evil sleeps underneath doctrines and holier than thou personas. These people tell you that taking action against evil is evil. I always state to such dogmatic narcissists that if it were not for good people fighting back, black people wouldn’t have freedom today, and women would still be in chains too.

But I think that’s what they want. They want things to remain as they always were in the past. So being brave and defiant isn’t evil, if it’s meant for courage. If you were evil, you would want the world to remain stunted, blind, and in a zombie-like state. They wouldn’t want you questioning.

So evil can be very cunning too, and appear morally good. Evil can seem like a “defender of the law” when it’s actually an oppressor. You really have to question and dig deep sometimes, to understand how evil works. It isn’t always simply visible, and it has no problem projecting on you and making you out to be evil.
___________________________________

Yes they are. They knowingly cause grief and bad times for people, just so they can feel good about themselves. If you have ever seen that evil smirk when they do something horrible, then you would know that there is an evil person behind those eyes.
___________________________________

I will refrain from using the word evil in my answer. I will just relate to you what they do and then you reach your own conclusion.

Narcissists abuse own children most. Much worse than partners are treated.

Children of narcissists are never nurtured or told good life advice but are GROOMED to provide ever lasting toxic supply to the narcissist parent.

Children of narcissists are taught how to gaslight, guilt trip and manipulate others.

Children, when young, copy their parents and these are the tools these children are indirectly taught.

Narcissists discard their own children and partners like yesterday’s garbage.

Imagine you yourself think you are in a very good relationship and all of a sudden, your partner, or worse your parent, wants nothing to do with you.

The rages of any narcissist are very traumatic especially if you witness a certain look. That look is definitely not anything human.

A narcissist always manipulates from day one to the last day. Any honest human being will be very direct in relationships as has nothing to hide.

Narcissists are normally cheaters. They won’t cheat you with one but loads of other people.

Why do they alienate children from decent parents?

Narcissists cause immense damages in victims. It is so immense that a ton of people suicide annually.

My conclusion is only one.
If a narcissist is the worst kind of parent and should never be around young children in an ideal world, how do you expect this kind of human being to act with others?

You tell me.
_________________________________

They incarnate evil in the here and now.

They stand in opposition to everything good and true. They are lies instead of truth, hate instead of love, chaos instead of order, derision instead of compassion, opposition instead of cooperation, cruelty instead of kindness, confusion instead of clarity, war instead of peace, evil instead of good.

They are the inversion of everything good in humanity.

Malignant narcissists are referenced, throughout the Bible, as Satan, the devil, a stumbling block, your enemy, a roaring lion looking for someone to devour, the serpent, more crafty than any of the wild animals, the thief, a murderer, the dragon, the deceiver of nations, the beast, the powers of this dark world, the spiritual forces of evil, the man of lawlessness, the father of lies.

Here is an especially descriptive verse:

John 8:44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

I once "dreamed," while sleeping with my ex, that I was spooned with a giant, black, hairy hog with claws dug into my arms, instead of hooves. I was in a room where cots were lined up and other souls lay sleeping on them. I tried to scream, but no sound came out.

After some time, I heard my strangled voice struggling to scream, and even weaker, as if worlds away, I heard someone calling my name. I entered the bedroom, and I heard the voice of my partner, behind me, but something huge was between us, blocking the sound. When I came fully awake, I realized it was him behind me, his hands on my arms, and I could hear him.

I would not say THEY are evil. They are incarnated by evil in the world, at this time. Spiritual nature abhors a vacuum. A dark force has entered into the narcissist’s vacuum. One only has to contemplate the “psychopathic smirk” on the malignant narcissist’s face, the twisted joy experienced through inflicting pain on another, to confirm the presence of evil. That is the expression of the devil, Batman’s Joker, a sadist. There is a weak remnant of the human they were, or might become, far away, in another world.

I don't know about their future. I know they are not here for the good of humankind, at this time. I like to think this a temporary condition for them and for us.


3
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 09:42:16 AM »
:tello: "Did I already post this? Posting it again...."

Do narcissists suffer?

Very much so, it seems.

New studies have shown that highly narcissistic people actually feel stress and negative emotions more acutely than people who are not narcissists, in fact.

People often incorrectly assume that lack of empathy means lack of emotions at all. It doesn’t. Narcissists have mostly negative emotional experiences, and these are often very strong - disproportionately so - but narcissists are often very disconnected from these and experience them as out of control and coming from somewhere outside of themselves. This is overwhelming and scary, as well as confusing.

People also often incorrectly assume that not feeling bad for things you do to others equals not ever feeling bad at all, and again, it doesn’t.

It’s actually kind of ridiculous to claim that feeling bad regarding others is the only way a person can feel bad, so if they don’t do that then they must be happy all the time. Narcissists don’t feel bad for what they do to others because they lack empathy and even more importantly because they can justify their behavior. This does not mean they have no feelings or that they do not ever feel negative feelings.

Toxic shame, envy, jealousy, feeling not good enough, lack of self-worth, lack of identity and cohesive self-image, and much more make up the pathologically narcissistic person’s minute-by-minute existence and these things are exceedingly unpleasant.

Narcissists are also often confused about the way things work, unable to make decisions, unable to confront problems or solve them, and self-sabotage continuously. Lack of empathy causes them to have extreme difficulty communicating (among other things), they feel attacked all the time, and they are constantly terrified they will be exposed as imperfect, not good enough, etc.

They feel powerless and victimized, even when they are claiming to be omnipotent. They live in a world where you cannot trust anyone, even yourself. Their experience of life in general seems to be that the world is scary, ugly, predatory, and totally unsafe.

People disagree with this sometimes; the narcissist’s act can be (superficially) very good. But it’s a scam. All of it. The reality is actually right there in front of us the entire time. All we have to do is look.

Do happy people do the things narcissists do?
Do happy people say the things narcissists say?
Do happy people have the problems narcissists have?
Do they have the mindsets narcissists have?
Do happy people need to hurt others to feel better?
Do happy people need to hurt others at all?

No. Happy people don’t have or do any of the things narcissists do.

Narcissists are miserable, confused, and empty people who suffer very much.

That is not an excuse for their behavior, but it does provide some insight into why they behave the way they do.

It’s a good reason to stay away from them, to be honest. There’s nothing you can do to ease their suffering because it has nothing to do with you at all. You can only become a target for their need to constantly vent it.
______________________________________

They suffer constantly in their mind, they cannot live a calm, peaceful, happy life because they are forever plotting, planning and trying to create situations that make them feel better. It must be exhausting for them. Every rejection, criticism hurts them to the core and they will go crazy trying to prove a point or get revenge.

I believe that a Narc has a self destruct button, it’s almost like their medicine is to destroy everything good in their life, it’s a constant treadmill that they can never get off.
________________________________________

Yes.

And they’ve been suffering likely long before you knew them.

Coming from a cluster B family I’ve witnessed their suffering on many levels. Do not, I repeat DO NOT give them your empathy, sympathy or attempt to console them in any way. Though they may suffer - they are very dangerous and have no qualms about using you for their pleasure, destroying you mentally to boost their self esteem, destroying your reputation to get ahead or taking anything of yours that they desire.

They will suck out your soul and destroy your life like a demon in a horror movie if you let them. You may not even know it’s happening until it’s too late.

Here are some of the ways they suffer:

They cannot love or accept love.

Instead They look for a fairy tale romance where they are loved, adored and treated as royalty without returning the affection, attention or hard work.

They cannot accept their real self as they deemed it unworthy and discarded it for a false persona when they were a child.

As a result, They feel like a fraud most of the time.

They are also emotionally arrested at a child-like state.

They cannot accept their own imperfections whether physical or in any task they take on.

This means they constantly feel like a failure.

They have limited, shallow emotions. They know they are not normal and work hard to emulate others to “fit in”.

They LOATH themselves behind the ego and bravado.

They live in a state of constant jealousy. They are unable to be happy with what they have, nor can they be genuinely happy for anyone else.

They must be better than everyone else - AT EVERYTHING , yet they are always reminded that others are better than them. This quest for perfection causes them to quit many things before completion. If they quit they can say they did not fail.

They go through depressive states where all the bad they’ve done that’s compartmentalized in their head leaks out. They hide from others during this time in shame, wallowing in self pity. This leads to projecting on those closest to them and eventually unleash horrific verbal, mental and physical abuse on them to relieve their shame and self loathing.

All of the lies, half truths, denials and embellishments come back to haunt them. They can’t keep it all straight or remember which version they told to who and it exposes their true nature.

Because they often believe their own lies for periods of time, they also truly believe they are a victim.

Yet, They know what they’ve done to others - so they expect it’s coming back to them. It makes them paranoid. They never feel safe for long.

They have trouble making friends. Superficially some may seem popular, but all their relationships are shallow. Despite their mask, many normal people can sense something off about them and steer clear quickly.

They are soooo lonely. They don’t appreciate the friendships, love and acceptance they are given. They crave unconditional love but cannot return it or recognize it when they have it. As a result they lose it all or throw it away. They all end up alone.

Their toxicity causes abandonment which causes them to seek to punish those that walked away - which causes more abandonment by those that witness what they do.

They are completely dependent on others to regulate their self esteem.

Nothing is ever enough.

They are filled with boredom and emptiness. They create drama to relieve their boredom.

Their anxiety goes through the roof when they don’t feel in control. This leads to embarrassing outbursts and unreasonable behavior.

They have limited self control over their behavior. As they get older it’s even harder to keep the false persona going and they can’t stop themselves from acting out in rage or revenge.

They have to have the final word / act of punishment. If they are cut off “no contact” before that happens or they perceive “you won” - they will suffer greatly and be consumed by anger and desire for revenge.

All of this can manifest in physical ailments like high blood pressure, auto immune disorders and chronic pain. But the Narcissist has a tendency to make things up for attention. So when they really are sick - does anyone believe them?



Because the world doesn’t comply with their wishes 100% of the time… they think the world is against them.

4
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 08:46:26 AM »
At what point will a narcissist go quiet?

In my experience, narcissists “go quiet” for various reasons and in different ways, depending on the type of relationship, the stage of that relationship, and whether they believe their silence or sudden change in behavior will have any impact.

Silence becomes a weapon to manipulate communication (stonewalling, withholding, switching off), a tool for training compliance (think interrogation rooms), or a punishment for not meeting their demands.

Switching Off: Narcissists, especially covert ones, use a tactic called “switching off” where they remain present in your life but suddenly “turn off” the expected interaction, reaction, and involvement. This is their way of signaling boredom, annoyance, or inconvenience caused by your presence.

It’s particularly common when it’s your turn to vent or express feelings, leaving you feeling shockingly disrespected. For them, it’s as simple as flipping a switch, but for you, it alters your reality, creating confusion without any clear reason. This silent treatment can be verbal or expressed through body language, like turning away from you or walking away suddenly.

This behavior, referred to as “bait and switch,” leaves you feeling foolish for being at a heightened level of energy alone. It’s a form of gaslighting, altering your perception and making you feel insignificant. Narcissists don’t form attachments, so the disconnect you feel is non-existent to them.

Avoidance: Unlike prolonged silence, avoidance is not meant to be a noticeable punishment but rather a “pause” in engagement for the narcissist to regroup and approach the situation anew.

At first, it manifests as endless excuses—they’re suddenly too busy or tired for you but not for others. Their mask slips, and they avoid facing the shame, guilt, and embarrassment from your altered perception of them. Avoidance occurs when you provide “negative fuel,” and they seek “positive fuel” elsewhere. They hope that by the time they return, you’ll have forgotten the issue and offer positive fuel again.

Triangulation: In romantic relationships, friendships, and work settings, narcissists go quiet with you while making it clear that they’re giving their time, energy, affection, and praise to someone else. They might even reach out to let you know they hung out with someone else. This tactic is meant to create insecurity and jealousy, making you work to regain your place in their life. They want you to feel as though you’ve “won” them back, irrespective of their previous mistreatment.

Silent Treatment: Silent treatments are used as punishment for confronting them, standing up for yourself, or not validating their self-importance. It’s a way to “teach you a lesson,” causing you to reflect on what you might have done wrong. It’s like an adult “time out,” forcing compliance in exchange for their presence in your life.

Silent treatments often come without warning, leaving you confused and desperate for resolution. When they return, they dismiss the past and show no acknowledgment of your feelings, often making you apologize for their silence.

New Supply: Narcissists go silent when they’ve replaced you with someone new, disregarding your feelings entirely. Yesterday, you were their best friend or soulmate; today, someone else has taken your place.

This reveals that they never valued you but rather how you saw them. When you no longer see them as they wish to be seen, they find someone who does. Complaining about you to their new supply, they “go silent” to enjoy the new relationship without your interruptions.

Discard: Sometimes, the silence means they are done with you for good. However, it can also mean they are plotting revenge for not seeing them as perfect. They go quiet to spread negativity about you or prepare to come back and witness your reaction. Their silence is strategic, aiming to regain control and prove you wrong.

A wise friend once told me, “You’ll know because they won’t even be able to look you in your face.”

Don’t wait to find out what’s coming next.
There is no acceptable reason for their silence. Whether they are switching off, avoiding you, triangulating you, punishing you, replacing you, or done with you, match their silence with silence.

Block them and remove them from your life. Recognize that shady, inconsistent behavior is enough reason to cut ties, even without an explanation. Silence is the best reaction to their silence because it allows you to observe their true intentions. Without your reaction, they lose power and reveal their own motives. You’ll realize your presence was never a necessity to them, merely an accessory. Pay close attention to their actions in your absence, and you’ll be grateful for their silence, wishing it had come sooner.
__________________________________

Mine finally went quiet, once I told him to f*ck off, get some therapy, leave me alone and told him about the great sex I was having with my new younger partner… 😊 Worked a treat…

Good Riddance to the nasty, lying kidult… 👏

Addendum… 3 years on and he still calls, leaves messages, sends songs. Mind you he is now 3 years with a new woman (victim). 🤯 I have him listed as Loser, so when Loser calls I ignore and delete. 🤣 He is delusional!
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A narcissist will go quiet as soon as you either stop feeding their need for supply, whether its positive or negative, or when you display true boundaries and internal fortitude. That's it. Remember…ANY attention or contact, even third party, is supply. That moment when you find yourself realizing by chance that the narcissist hasn't taken up any of your thoughts is a liberating moment. That is true freedom.
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Narcs generally contact you if they want something from you: attention, money, sex, validation; in one word, SUPPLY. This means that the first consideration is what they want right now.

Then they ask themselves whether you can provide them with that or not. If you consistently and continuously satisfied all their requests, they’d probably ask for more. If you often denied all their needs, they’d look for someone new.

In any case, I think there’s something extremely more important than knowing if and when a narc would go quiet; I think you should ask yourself what you really want. Do you want to wait for their next move and act accordingly? Do you wanna wait for someone who consistently let you down/hurt you/ made you think that you were never enough?

Ask yourself if you’re ready to cut off any contact with them; it’s something important, but we all have our own time and ways. The thing is, the less you engage in their mind games, the less satisfaction they’ll get, the more likely will it be to get rid of them.

Of course they can go no contact for a while and then they’ll come back; but the really important thing, is how you see yourself and what we had together. Spend your time understanding that better, so that you can decide for yourself what to do in case they come back.

Don’t let them decide what you have to deal with. Exercise your self awareness and empowerment; be the leader of your life; rebuild your self esteem while they are away, so that you won’t fall again for them if they come back to you. If they have a communication channel with you, you can never know whether they’re going quiet only for a limited span of time or the’re leaving for good.

But it’s not the point: be the one to leave for good. Not with words, arguments and so on. Be so focused on your life and your self love that whatever they decide to do will not change your feelings; you are the main character of your life, not an extra in theirs. Remember that.
_____________________________________

The point at which a narcissist will go quiet will be:

When they don't want to, or are unable to talk to you any more.

The problem with your lot is you think too much. Thinking thinking thinking. You don't listen to your gut.

Now I don't know if you know this, but your gut is actually a seperate organism. Hundreds of millions of years ago, a tube like organism swam through the primordial muck. A soft, fragile creature, its strength was that it had a massivley increased surface area on which to digest food, its weakness was that it was prone to being consumed.

At some point, one of these indeed was ingested, it recombined, and somehow merged with another organism that had a harder casing, but was limited by this casing, and its smaller surface area as to how much food it could consume.

And so the two combined their strengths and made their way better than either could individually, evolving, and mutating to this very day.

That alien creature still lives within you. Perhaps you can feel it now, doing its thing. It has more neurotransmitters than, and is older than your brain.

It is wise, and ancient, and most of all, it wants to live.

While you are dreaming, indulging in grandiose fantasies of love, prosperity, fame, your gut is right there at the coalface, processing the outside world in a very intimate fashion - you, your feet barely touch the ground, living in abstract realms as a disembodied intellect.

Your gut is like a noisy, lower class friend, whose rough and ready honesty you appreciate but ultimately ignore.

No matter how loudly and how long it screams at you:

"What a dick move! Did you just see that? Don't ya think that was just a lil bit f***ing weird?!? That b**** is f***ing LYING!!!"

You always have some perfectly reasonable, rational explanation for the narcissist's selfish, wicked and just plain odd behaviour.

Maybe you need to stop worrying about what the narcissist is thinking, and start listening to your rumbling tum.

It can spot them a mile off.


5
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 07:51:45 AM »
What are some ways to get a narcissist to admit they are wrong without acknowledging that they were right?

:badfinger:    :troll2:    :badscore:    :stop:    :oh!:

Believe it or not... Narcs, can’t admit, or even believe that they are wrong.

What’s wrong with you?! Don’t you know that all Narcs know that they are perfect like Mary Poppins in every way?
______________________________________

They already know where they are wrong. It would be impossible to avoid it so completely without an understanding of the situation. Admitting blame is what they pathologically avoid and are incapable of.
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Don’t waste your time dear. They will never admit they’re wrong. Remember, that's what makes them a Narcissist… They think they’re superior!
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There is no way to get them to admit that they are wrong.

They will do anything and everything to get around it, including denying that the event happened, turning it around on you by saying that you made them do it, steering away the conversation to bring up some unrelated event where either you did something wrong or where they did something wonderful. If they are publicly shamed whereby there are multiple witnesses to a bad behavior, they may just cut the wronged person off completely in order to avoid apologizing.

They are extremely insecure and ashamed of themselves, and are constantly trying to show the world an ideal image. They have no empathy and don’t understand that it is OK to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. They can’t forgive others for hurting them, so they don’t believe others are really capable of forgiveness either. Their solution therefore is to never BE wrong.
______________________________________

So, the narcissist was right but you want to get them to admit they were wrong?
Gaslight much?

If this is the case you shouldn’t do this.
You are no better than what you claim they are.
__________________________________________

Ron Culley

It is not possible.
Next question, please….




How do you get a narcissist to see where they are wrong?

It's impossible, if they're unaware of their condition.

An untreated narcissist can't self reflect and acknowledge their shame, so to avoid seeing and feeling it, they use grandiosity to convince themselves and their supplies that they're special, and refuse to accept any form of criticism or blame for anything that they do or cause.

They will project their bad feelings onto you, because you're wrong and it's your fault.

End of story.
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You don’t.

That’s pretty simple.
A narcissist will never see that their ways are wrong and if you’re lucky enough that they actually do, they would never admit it. A narcissist will never actively admit to a mistake unless they for some reason think it would benefit them more than do harm.
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LMFAO! That, will never happen! Narcissists are utterly incapable of finding fault in their actions. You have to understand. They are delusional! They don’t live in reality. They live inside of a fantasy in their mind. Every event that occurs in reality is altered to fit the narrative of this fantasy.

And in that fantasy, you are the SOLE cause of every single event that leads to conflict.

You have a better chance of seeing pigs fly!
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You can lead a horse to water…

Narcissists will never accept blame, but you can make them hurt. If the narcissist understands that you can and will punish certain behaviours, they will be much more careful about how they will behave towards you.

Only able to attach negatively, it should be understood by now that they will hate you forever.

Still, you have things to achieve, and if you must weather the hate of the eternally jealous, so be it.

It's the subtle things that hurt narcissists most.
The gentle exclusions, the implied rejection, death by a thousand paper cuts on the highly sensitive head of their Pathologically Grandiose Self.

By keeping it subtle, you protect yourself from backlash. You use your image as a shield from which to snipe behind, you twist the knife just the right amount.

In order to be in the position to hurt the narcissist, you can't just work at the same level as them — they lie, which makes them seem much greater than they are.

You must put in work.

The only way to beat them is to massively outwork them, so that even the advantages of their lies, their fake and phony image are not enough to equal your increased output. Once you are a hard working, high status person, your opinion counts again, as does who you choose to socialize with or (more telling still) who you choose not to.

Narcissists who are not kept in check become increasingly grandiose, ever more dangerous in their delusions. You're doing everyone a service by taking them down a peg or two.

It's a dirty job.
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Unfortunately, you won’t get a narcissist to see where they are wrong, because of many different factors.

One main factor is that they have no sense of self-reflection.
Self-reflection means to observe and analyze oneself in order to grow or change as an individual.
 
This is not the case for someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), because they have convinced themselves that there is no need to grow or change.
 
Self-reflection refers to in-depth awareness of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects that governs one's life, and a Narcissist’s Personality Disorder governs their entire life.

Self-awareness is also the process of mirroring and assessing yourself consciously, and those with NPD subconsciously mirror and assess your life, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and actions.

These toxic individuals create a false sense of connection with another person by mimicking their thoughts, feelings, interests, or behaviors. This is done as part of their abusive patterns to establish a rapport and build an unhealthy connection with you. With that being said anything that you try to bring to their attention or correct their behavior will result in wasted energy on your part.

Another factor would be that you can’t get someone to see where they are wrong if they don’t feel or think that they are wrong due to their deficiency of empathy, and lack of self-reflection.

For the most part they struggle with accountability and will easily redirect the issue onto you. Trying to get them to see where they are wrong or at fault is a losing battle, and not worth your time or energy even if you have concrete evidence.

You’re dealing with someone who is driven by grandiosity, arrogance, ignorance, power, and control. Narcissists have a very strong false sense of superiority, which makes anything that you try to bring to their attention invalid or having no value to them when it is coming from you.

So, whatever the issue maybe that you wish to address will only be turned around onto you so fast to show you all that is wrong with you. This is why it is not even worth addressing their problems to get them to understand what is wrong.

They know what is wrong, and they will find joy-excitement watching you try to challenge them or change them. It is a game for them when they see their victims attempting to display their wrong behavior, because this sends the message that they have you exactly where they want you to be.

The key take away is that healthy people who are self-reflective are aware of themselves, and they actually know themselves much better than anyone else.

This is the opposite for someone who is a narcissist, because they're too occupied manipulating, using and abusing others. They spend most of their time and energy observing and reflecting on their victims' vulnerabilities as a way to get their needs met.

It is important to work on yourself, know your self-worth, and do not waste any more time/energy on trying to get someone to see where they are wrong. Their problems belong to them -- NOT YOU!

May you know the signs. May you not remain a victim, and may you do whatever you can to protect your mental-emotional health.



6
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 07:07:35 AM »
If narcissism is an incurable brain disorder, don’t narcissists deserve compassion?

No.
They are not sick.
They know exactly what they are doing.

They are evil. They are selfish.
And they WILL f*ck you up!

They are liars. They manipulate you to serve their interests. They do not deserve any compassion and they will never change.

It's the people .. who think they have a brain disorder, which is incurable …they are taking their side.

It's generally therapists untrained in personality disorders.

It's the lack of healing help.

It's the victim blaming.

It's everyone who doesn't understand narcissistic abuse.

Sounds harsh?
Good!
Because any sympathy for them will destroy your life and that is even harsher.

Get tf out.
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Yes, they do deserve compassion.

But, we need to remember that we don't deserve the way they treat us.

One of the most damning things is that when we try to be compassionate to people we forget to love ourselves. And then it starts, the devalueing, demeaning, abuse, etc.

So, in conclusion, be compassionate, but don't forget to love yourself.

This content is available for free and if you're reading this in a paid space or behind a paywall you're being ripped off.
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I think anybody suffering from a chronic condition, be it physical or mental, deserves compassion; compassion is one of the traits that make us human. So yes, narcissists deserve compassion as much as the person battling cystic fibrosis or depression.

As a society we have help and support in place to help individuals with most conditions, practical support, emotional support and medical support. It is there, it is available, just say the word and help can be yours.

Ah, problem.

My ex would never accept help. She has no problem so why should she? It was me that had issues not her. She never did anything wrong, it was my interpretation of her actions that was askew, her actions were normal.

So therein lies the problem.
My compassion led me down the path of trying to help her, to try and work out the issues we were having. Unfortunately this particular path led me to the brink of the abyss, from which I was lucky to escape with my sanity intact.

So I cannot feel compassion for her, as she will do nothing to warrant it.
 
Instead, I pity her. I pity the paucity of her emotions.
I pity her ability to never feel love like the love I once thought I felt for her.
I pity the hell that she re-lived in her mind everyday and I pity the fact that she will repeat these actions, replay the games, for the rest of her life.
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It's not a disorder that makes them unaccountable.

People who are unaccountable deserve compassion from society and individuals just as society and individuals both deserve to be able to function while unaccountable people are treated separate.

People who are accountable for their actions are just that, disordered or not, they are their own responsibility, not yours,

They know what they do, and before anyone says "They can't help themselves ", ask anyone who's had their inmost core and lives ripped apart by a narcissist for what they had to do to "help themselves" and not shoot the said narcissist in the head.

You may conceptualise the need for compassion for someone who has a diagnosed low impulse control over a distorted emocional vision of the world when you separate it from the control others had to have because of emotional harm and, same as what narcissists where purportedly subjected to, deep trauma,

But the more I read about the subject, the more I can't understand why should any such separation be made.

Either they are accountable or they're not.
And just like with any other condition, this is the only perspective that I'm interested in.




7
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 06:17:05 AM »
Narc:
         Ron, you don't have any Rights.
         You are a squatter.
         You are trespassing.
         You are living here illegally.
         I HATE YOU!


:tello: "You physically BROUGHT me here 9 years ago".
8
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 06:04:08 AM »
In the context of a relationship, a person with narcissistic traits may exhibit behaviors such as manipulation, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a tendency to prioritize their own needs and desires above those of others.
9
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 05:43:39 AM »
Can a narcissist just walk out after 5 years, leave everything,
and forget the past?

Yes. Mine left just before our 29th anniversary. They can turn everything off and walk out of your life like it was a hotel room.

Things that you thought were shared and important, you suddenly realize meant nothing to them, including you.
_______________________________________

Hell yeah!
That's their thing.

Just out of nowhere you're getting kicked out or they're leaving. No build up or symptoms of a problem. Well besides the normal bullsh!t. There one minute, gone the next.

More than likely they found new supply. You got boring. They could care less about years together, time spent, memories, and most of all..... YOU.

It doesn't phase them one bit that you're crushed or hurt.
They figure you deserve the feelings you are experiencing.
You are nothing to them now. It's like they never knew you, just a stranger.

Narcissist don't store the past, memories, good times, vacations, holidays, etc as we do. They have them up there somewhere but it's too hard to find them. We never had a special place in their head or heart.

We're jumbled in with yesterday's trash, and just like *SNAP* it's over.
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One of the more distressing things that victims of narcissist have to accept, is just how little they mattered to the narcissist.

So yes, a narcissist can leave after 5 years- heck, after 40- leave everything (including pets and children) and forget everything.

You see, it is all about them, and their selfish interests, and to hang with how that makes their partner or children feel. They are finished with that chapter- time to move on to another, shinier, newer model of Supply and treat him or her the same.

So when all you did was love them, care for them, look after them, and sacrifice your youth, your looks, your career, your friends etc. - this is how they are likely to treat you.

That is why I am on this site, trying to tell everyone who is with a narcissist that no matter what you do, and how many sacrifices you make , the narcissist will probably leave you, suddenly, cruelly, for no apparent reason, and without a backwards glance.

For more on how and why this happens, read "Is There A narcissist In Your Life?" Amanda Clymont
Amazon.

She has been where you are- learn what to do now.
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Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health (READ: Illness) condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
While I can provide some general information, it's important to note that every individual is unique, and the behavior of someone with narcissistic traits can vary widely.

In the context of a relationship, a person with narcissistic traits may exhibit behaviors such as manipulation, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a tendency to prioritize their own needs and desires above those of others. It is possible for a narcissist to abruptly end a relationship, leave everything behind, and seemingly move on without looking back, as they may not have the same emotional attachment or sense of responsibility towards the relationship or the people involved.

Narcissists often struggle with maintaining long-term, meaningful relationships due to their difficulty in forming genuine emotional connections and their tendency to prioritize their own needs. As a result, they may be more likely to walk away from a relationship without much consideration for the impact on others or the history shared in the past.

If you are in a situation where a narcissistic individual has abruptly ended a relationship and left without looking back, it can be a painful and confusing experience. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to process your feelings and navigate the aftermath of the relationship.

It's worth noting that while individuals with narcissistic traits may exhibit certain behaviors, it is not possible to diagnose someone with a personality disorder without a proper evaluation by a qualified mental health professional.

If you are concerned about your own well-being or the well-being of someone you know, I recommend seeking guidance from a mental health professional for personalized support and advice.
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Absolutely!

Out of nowhere, they'll give illogical and weird excuses to leave you. Excuses will be like they don't know where the relationship is going, they aren't ready for a relationship, they have to focus on their careers, etc. All of a sudden, they will remember that they have their careers to focus on. This is crap!!

A narcissist won't even care about your feelings.

Even when they will apologise for their actions, they will make it look as if they are obliged to apologize. You will lose your sanity over them. You will try to communicate everything in details yet they will reply with an “OK”.

For a narcissist, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, any amount of time doesn't matter. When they feel like their so-called “needs” aren't getting fulfilled anymore, they will leave.
Off they go to Greener Supply Pastures.

So when a person leaves you, even after you've made all efforts of saving the relationship, open the doors for them and let them go with dignity. They don't even deserve your anger!!


10
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on Today at 05:05:30 AM »
Squirrelington
Hahahahaha!!!! Ain't that the truth!


David Neal
You spill more gas, it doesn't work as it should and you end up taking it off so you can pour gas!


Nick Petersen
Or buying a conversion to the old style.


Dominic Blais
Its not in purpose, it is in practice. They don't do anything to real polluters while regulating dumb sh!t like this. Not the oil companies and fracking companies poisoning the water. Because only fascists get to a point supreme court and EPA leaders. Its not like Green Peace gets to vote for who runs the EPA. Its nazi businessmen who are the problem and want to make sure they don't get regulated.


Glen Freeman
Actually it’s the courts who state that liability is the cost of doing business and that cost is passed onto consumers


Terry Easter Flag-Man
Bought one took it back


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