How can a person
communicate effectively
with a narcissist?
Here are six rules for effective communication with a narcissist:
1. Use their name.
When speaking with a narcissist, be sure to use their name. It's polite, shows respect and empathy—things the narcissist knows little about. It also demonstrates emotional intelligence, something the narcissist lacks. Using their name throws them off and shows you're not intimidated by them.
2. Keep it to the main point.
When engaging with a narcissist, define and agree on the purpose of the conversation. Keep the conversation on track, as narcissists tend to lead discussions into circular, mind-bending, and unproductive paths. Don't let them drive you crazy with word salad and circular talks.
3. Have authentic curiosity.
Approach the conversation with authentic curiosity and compassion. While the narcissist may not reciprocate, bringing this positive tone can set the stage for a better interaction.
4. Ask them what they think.
Begin the conversation by asking the narcissist for their thoughts. Avoid assuming what they think and give them the space to express themselves. This attention and validation can make the conversation more positive.
5. Healthy limits and boundaries.
When dealing with a destructive narcissist, manage the conversation by setting healthy limits and boundaries. Stick to the main topic and enforce limits, showing you won't tolerate abusive behavior.
6. Ask them, how did you arrive at this conclusion?
Have authentic curiosity about their conclusions. It's fair to ask for specifics and how they arrived at their opinions. This helps you gather information to make decisions for yourself.
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In my experience, with absolute silence.
If this narcissist is just a friend or partner (no marriage or children). Then complete and utter silence. Let them do all the talking and see how quickly their lies and manipulation become Chrystal clear to you. Do what you need to do to get this individual out of your life, but do it with the mute button on.
Now if this person is a blood relative or co parent this may be slightly more tricky. Remember every form of communication from you will be twisted and used against you for future attacks. So it’s incredibly important to use as little communication as possible. Keep a physical record of any conversations as proof as these shites will gaslight the hell out of you, if they spy the smallest vulnerablity.
Ideally a lawyer if things become ridiculous, expensive but it takes the pressure off, and helps you mentally deal with this person on an professional manner. Emotions are your enemy and a narcissists fuel. So you must blank off whenever you have to deal with their stress.
SILENCE is the only clear communication they’ll actually understand, it’s louder than any word or emotion you can use. Words and emotions are fuel to a narcissist. Silence is turning their emptiness back onto them, it’s the only healthy way to defeat them.
Waste no more time, compassion or empathy on them. Save your heart for people who really know and love you. Pity the narcissist and anyone still having to deal with them.
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Hmmmmmmm………let’s see.
~they say it, you believe it, even if you know it’s a lie.
~that person, you know, they say is just a friend? believe that too, while she’s off felafeling him.
~ wait. What? You have a feeling you want to address, nope. Don’t do that either. Keep your damn feelings to yourself.
~ their overall disrespect is painful? Yep, you guessed it. Suck it up butter cup. You asked how to communicate with one right?
~ take their hand and lead. into the delusional bliss you are now a part of. Don’t question anything about them, that’s not proper communication.
~ you know it, they are the best damn “fill in the blank” that you know, and you best not question them. Whatever ego trip they’re on this week, run with it.
~ if it’s a covert, and they are low. Forget your needs and wants. Be there for them, be there to tell them the lies they need to hear while you grit your teeth as you mutter the horrible validation. Something they will rarely give you.
One last thing, you don’t communicate with one, you just exist. Sit, be quiet, no feelings, nothing. Sit and keep your flocking mouth shut.
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When dealing with Cluster B, it's what you don't say that counts.
All of Cluster B are hyper-alert, hypersensitive, hyper-aware.
You probably noticed the way I didn't hyphenate “hypersensitive", and it bugged you — yes I know. And if it didn't then, it does now.
Cluster B pick up on silence, body language, facial expression. Being master manipulators, they can crunch an incredible amount of information at once — they read deeply into tiny cues.
They are akin to animals in this way, their brains are simpler, streamlined, focussed on the hunt, in this case on their endless hunt for supply.
Power for the psychopath
Status for the narcissist
Affection for the borderline
It is as though they have jettisoned the other parts of their brains in order to more easily acquire what it is they're after. By saying too much, you give away your position, and you allow them to more easily extort power, status or affection from you.
Try it for yourself.
Try saying less — notice how they will become uneasy, and speak more in order to prompt you into speaking, so that they know exactly where you are.
Try speaking with your body language — see what happens as you turn your body away, as you look as though you might be about to leave.
Use your facial expressions to answer a question, before you start talking.
Say less, watch more, move more.
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You should never be fully present around a narcissist. Part of you, should always be somewhere else.
When you must communicate with a narcissist, make sure you have multiple things going on in your mind and the narcissist is just one of them.
You want to come across a bit distracted, aloof… like you want to help and be polite to the narcissist, but you just got a lot on your mind so you struggle to give them your undivided attention.
If you keep your mind full, you are not even faking it. You really do have a lot on your mind, the narcissist just being one of them. And they are not priority neither.
If the narcissist cannot get your full undivided attention, if they cannot get a grip on your energy, then they will struggle to give you a whirl.