Author Topic: Dr Smee's amazingly simple home remedies (Read 12964 times)

*smee* · « **on:** February 19, 2010, 02:13:22 PM »

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2 AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3 AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4 FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5 A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6 IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7 YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8 REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9 IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

tellomon · « **Reply #1 on:** February 20, 2010, 10:15:43 AM »

When your favorite Chat Board shuts down for an indefinat amount of time, email the other members.

*snipe*

Centuries · « **Reply #2 on:** February 20, 2010, 10:05:13 PM »

No 5 has saved me!!! Now, I may miss a few fingers but I will not miss appointments.

You are a genius, smee

tellomon · « **Reply #3 on:** February 22, 2010, 12:53:35 PM »

Site downtime: 4 days.

On the fifth day, God logged out.

*Yibida* · « **Reply #4 on:** February 22, 2010, 02:36:58 PM »

Dudes were back !...LOL

Centuries · « **Reply #5 on:** February 22, 2010, 03:35:30 PM »

I could not get back again yesterday and earlier today.

I hope I am back now. I feel a little like the Cheshire Cat.

Is there a smee home remedy which counters vanishing?

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #6 on:** February 22, 2010, 07:49:07 PM »

Centuries. Pepsi Max is the cure all elixir. You will never vanish if you partake of liberal quantities of the delightful liquid regularly.

Centuries · « **Reply #7 on:** February 22, 2010, 08:04:13 PM »

Ubbie, Would it work on servers

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #8 on:** February 22, 2010, 08:25:48 PM »

Yep Centuries. Just poor two cans all over the electronic workings of the server & it will be OK in no time.

Centuries · « **Reply #9 on:** February 22, 2010, 08:45:00 PM »

Good idea! LMHO!

I see your avatar, and the others I see are yib, tello, mandurahmum and smee. Mmmmm!! very Suss.

Who did you bribe?

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #10 on:** February 22, 2010, 08:55:12 PM »

It's easy, poor Pepsi Max all over your hard drive, works every time.

Centuries · « **Reply #11 on:** February 22, 2010, 09:25:12 PM »

I wonder why I am reluctant to take that advice

mandurahmum · « **Reply #12 on:** February 22, 2010, 09:35:06 PM »

Talking about duct tape (i know you weren't but I am) I just bought my first roll of duct tape - I have no idea why I bought it but it seemed like a worthwhile addition to my pitiful tool box. I already had wd 40 - never used it but I do know its essential to have.

I also bought some thread tape, I think that could be helpful joining threads on this site.

tellomon · « **Reply #13 on:** February 23, 2010, 12:13:01 AM »

If it's supposed to move & doesn't: WD 40

If it moves and isn't supposed to: Duct Tape

"...there shall, in that time, be *rumors* of things going astray, errrm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi - with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock."

*Brum6y* · « **Reply #14 on:** February 23, 2010, 12:37:18 AM »

Most people are familiar with WD-40 - but duct tape is a lesser known general purpose product.

I once subscribed to a couple of Australian electronics magazines (now defunct) where one of the regular contributors had his own column. In one issue he sang the praises of duct tape, giving several examples of how it had been used and the success of it in those roles.

The one use that I remember best is where he once worked on rocket telemetry development - where they would take some measurement device and simply strap it onto the rocket with duct tape. They would then fire the rocket, conduct the experiment and retrieve the spent missile, complete with equipment.

He stated that occasionally a rocket would explode in mid air, cutting short the experiment. However, when they retrieved the wreckage, the equipment - somewhat the worse for wear - was still attached by the duct tape to a piece of the rocket casing.

Good stuff that ....

tellomon · « **Reply #15 on:** February 23, 2010, 12:50:15 AM »

http://www.ducttapeguys.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8yX3py4aag

Centuries · « **Reply #16 on:** February 23, 2010, 01:07:18 PM »

Always take duct tape with you when you travel

or go bush walking

cueperkins · « **Reply #17 on:** February 23, 2010, 11:29:15 PM »

Hey and if you're being trolled and undermined..simply invest in TROLL SPRAY eh smee????????? remember one flick and they're gone....!!!!

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #18 on:** February 23, 2010, 11:31:25 PM »

Drake Tape is good. Very strong. Next time you are in Bunnings just ask for a roll of Drake Tape.

cueperkins · « **Reply #19 on:** February 23, 2010, 11:33:06 PM »

And what shall we gaf tape our antogonists to Ubb....a burning bush?

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #20 on:** February 23, 2010, 11:35:45 PM »

Good idea Cupie. It also works well under water so, it makes a good binding of the wrists when a sinner is attached wrists & ankles to a rope for a jolly good keelhauling.

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #21 on:** February 23, 2010, 11:37:41 PM »

They probably used Drake Tape when burning the witches at the stake in Salem. Very versatile stuff, Drake Tape.

cueperkins · « **Reply #22 on:** February 23, 2010, 11:39:25 PM »

Oh great ubb...so I can bag and tag my oppressor?...wonderful....and it WILL stick?....lol...before I can be burnt at the stake covertly speaking...even better....under water and under fire...drake tape stands up to everything including trolls....better than troll spray even...lmao...

Poddy · « **Reply #23 on:** February 24, 2010, 12:12:33 AM »

I am guessing that the advantage of Drake tape over Duct tape is that Drake tape has that curly bit on the 'tail' and you don't have to look for the end as closely.

Very Clever

cueperkins · « **Reply #24 on:** February 24, 2010, 12:15:59 AM »

All the better to tape down covert bullies......quick and easy...makes for quick handling for any keelhauling of those coward scurvy sea dogs..... don't ya think?

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #25 on:** February 24, 2010, 12:17:14 AM »

You've got it Cupie, spot on. Have a complimentary Pepsi Max.

cueperkins · « **Reply #26 on:** February 24, 2010, 12:19:26 AM »

Finally I win the prize....the bell rings....thanks Ubb..don't mind if I do..this is hard work all this troll hunting stuff..but now that i know about blake tape...I'm all set.....like buffy the troll slayer....lmao...

Centuries · « **Reply #27 on:** February 24, 2010, 12:36:59 AM »

Trolls.. cretins.

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #28 on:** February 24, 2010, 12:39:49 AM »

Is that a Thacking Stick the Troll is being hit with? I want one.

Centuries · « **Reply #29 on:** February 24, 2010, 02:45:22 PM »

*wheels* · « **Reply #30 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:06:42 PM »

Duck tape?

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #31 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:10:53 PM »

Yep Poddy. you nailed it in one in your post#23. the curly bits are very handy.

Yep Wheels, one of the many uses for Duck Tape. Drake Tape is of course much stronger & will restrain a rampaging Rhino.

Oh, I still want a Thacking Stick.

*Brum6y* · « **Reply #32 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:17:18 PM »

Duct tape has a black cousin - known as Gaffa tape ... popular with roadies -

Including Cher's:

tellomon · « **Reply #33 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:19:27 PM »

Cats don't like to ride on motorcycles, no matter how much duct tape you use.

*wheels* · « **Reply #34 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:20:10 PM »

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #35 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:21:47 PM »

Ah Gaffa Tape, glad you reminded me Brum6y I'd forgotten about it. Cher wears her Gaffa Tape with great dignity, it keeps her roadies happy.

When we think about it there are so many different sub species of tape.

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #36 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:37:00 PM »

Wheels. A classic example of the use of Duct Tape. However, I suspect the Tape pictured is actually a piece of adolescent Drake Tape as Duct Tape would not be strong enough to survive the application as applied in the picture.

*wheels* · « **Reply #37 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:44:39 PM »

Ubbie, it may also be sports strapping tape. Pretty powerful glue on that stuff - have you ever tried to remove it? My youngest has been having intensive physio treatments and came home the other day with multiple layers of strapping on his shoulder. I'm not looking forward to having to remove it without peeling off layers of his skin.

tellomon · « **Reply #38 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:49:40 PM »

Gorilla tape is the BEST!

This does it all, and it can be use as an exotic weapon.

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #39 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:55:15 PM »

I think you could be right Wheels, sports strapping tape, yet another example of the tape sub genus.

Tape's ancestor, Australopithecus afarensis tape, was found in volcanic ash in Lactoli in Northern Tanzania, Africa about 3.7 million years ago.

Scientists believe all the current species of tape evolved from Australopithecus afarensis tape.

Evolution is Interesting stuff.

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #40 on:** February 24, 2010, 08:57:12 PM »

Arh Tello, Gorilla tape, yet another sub species. We have all forgotten Sticky Tape, one of the most used tape species in the modern world.

tellomon · « **Reply #41 on:** February 24, 2010, 09:01:46 PM »

Stick happens.

Centuries · « **Reply #42 on:** February 24, 2010, 09:08:20 PM »

Ubbie...

:rofl:I gave you a Thacking stick---

*Ubbie Max* · « **Reply #43 on:** February 24, 2010, 09:12:59 PM »

Thanks Centuries. I didn't realise it was for me. I will treasure it & you may rest assured it will get use.

Centuries · « **Reply #44 on:** February 24, 2010, 09:16:00 PM »

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Author Topic: Dr Smee's amazingly simple home remedies (Read 12964 times)

cueperkins

cueperkins

cueperkins

Poddy

cueperkins

cueperkins