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The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 06:35:12 PM »
What can you say to a
narcissist to make them
see who they really are?

Buy a big juicy burger, and dump out everything, so you are holding just the bun inside the wrapper.

Now, find a farm, and steal a big cow patty.

Insert this new beef product into the bun, add your narcissists favorite clowndiments, and wrap it back up.

Give it over to his entitled grabby little hands, and see how he likes the taste of betrayal.

Then tell him it’s bad enough that he’s a piece of shite, but cannibalism is over the line.

The point is, the narcissist will never accept what they are without deluding themselves into thinking it makes them special.

Narcissism really stinks.


2
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 05:15:48 PM »
WHERE THE NARCISSIST
CONTINUES TO GO WRONG

Where the narcissist continues to go wrong. The narcissist overplays their hand over and over again, thinking that no one will ever figure out who they are never realizing that people can see behind the mask, and not everyone that sees behind the mask, tells the narcissist that they know they are a narcissist.

The narcissist will find themselves isolated, desolate by themselves without a battery in their cell phone one day and they will look back at all the destruction and devastation all the relationships they have blown up and they will have a big price to pay. My hope is that you are healing you are moving forward.

You are becoming awakened and aware, educated and empowered and you are headed towards the pinnacle the mountain top of indifference where you no longer care about the narcissist or anybody from that period of time. Sending positive positive energy and abundance. Namaste.

3
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 04:18:06 PM »
Why do narcissists feel
good when they know they
have upset you?

Narcissists have a mental disability.

Their emotional development is stunted to early childhood.

They can’t regulate how they feel, or sooth themselves, just like little kids. And they need other people to validate them, entertain them and attend to their responsibilities.

Any strengths or good qualities you have, especially empathy and the ability to give and receive love, will make narcissists extremely jealous. They aren’t capable of admiration or of feeling inspired; those higher-level emotions are beyond their reach.

They can’t love themselves, let alone anyone else.

All of this makes narcissists ashamed of themselves.

But they can’t tolerate shame, since tolerance requires emotional intelligence.

Because they can’t process it, they have to project it.

Everything is all your fault!

They go into meltdown like a tantruming toddler with a shrieking face and a loaded diaper.

And all they can do is scream, kick, and pass their sh!t onto you.

It’s gratifying for narcissists if they can upset you. It temporarily relieves them from the fill of envy they’re containing.

And if you’re upset, that means you’re suffering too now like narcissists always are, and it will be because you’ve absorbed the narcissist’s misery.

Never let a narcissist think they’ve upset you. Use a calm sense of logic to respond to them, just like you would with little children.

This will trigger them into exposing themselves: when they can’t rile you, their mask will slip and then they’ll malfunction and lose their composure; glitching, twisting and spitting out insults and accusations like a broken robot discharging nuts and bolts.

But don’t stoop down to their level. Remain elevated and stick to the high road. Yours is a level narcissists can never attain, so long as you play to your empathy and self-acceptance as the strengths they are.

And if some narcissist does keep on at you, just thank them for outing themselves and saving you the work, then keep it moving.
_____________________________________

Because it confirms their belief that they have total control over you. In my personal experience, it seemed that she needed some sort of validation that I cared about her. ALL THE TIME! She would say and do things just to get a reaction out of me.

When it reached a point where I had nothing left to give, she started reaching out to her other sources for attention. I look back on it now and I know it wasn’t me. I gave her everything I had and it simply wasn’t enough. So, with all that said, know this…they will drain every single person that they possibly can and it never changes. I put up with the on and off again for 3 years and it almost killed me.

Don’t let them control you…it’s not worth it.
______________________________________

Narcissists find a twisted sense of satisfaction in upsetting others, and this is particularly evident during occasions like holidays. Their behavior during these times is not just about causing a stir; it's about deriving a perverse pleasure from knowing they've not only upset you but also ruined an experience you could have enjoyed. This satisfaction is deeply rooted in their psychological makeup.

The emotional development of a narcissist is often likened to that of a young child. They struggle with regulating their emotions and soothing themselves, much like little kids. They rely heavily on others to validate them, entertain them, and even attend to their responsibilities. This dependency mirrors the way a child looks to adults for support and affirmation.

When it comes to strengths or qualities like empathy and the ability to give and receive love, narcissists often feel intense jealousy. These are qualities they can't fully comprehend or experience. They're incapable of true admiration or feeling inspired, as these higher-level emotions are beyond their emotional reach. It's a sad reality that they can't love themselves, let alone anyone else.

This internal conflict leads to a deep-seated sense of shame within narcissists. But handling shame requires a level of emotional intelligence that they simply don't possess. Unable to process these feelings, they project their shortcomings onto others, often declaring, "Everything is all your fault!"

Their reactions can be compared to a toddler in the midst of a tantrum, overwhelmed and incapable of dealing with their emotions in a healthy way. They lash out, attempting to transfer their inner turmoil onto those around them.

When a narcissist manages to upset you, it serves as a temporary relief from the envy and misery they constantly harbor. It's as if your distress allows them to offload some of their emotional burden. In their twisted view, your suffering becomes a shared experience; you're now enduring the kind of pain they feel constantly.

Dealing with a narcissist requires a strategy akin to handling a small, upset child. Maintaining a calm, logical demeanor is key. Just as you would with a child, responding to their outbursts without emotional engagement can be effective.

This approach often leads to a narcissist exposing their true nature. Unable to provoke a reaction from you, their facade starts to crumble, revealing the chaos and insecurity underneath. They might lose their composure, spewing insults and accusations, much like a malfunctioning machine unable to control its output.

However, it's important to remain above their level of pettiness. By embracing your empathetic nature and self-acceptance, you stand on a moral ground that narcissists cannot reach. This isn't just about avoiding their traps; it's about affirming your own strengths and maintaining your dignity in the face of their attempts to drag you down to their level.




4
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 03:25:39 PM »
Would a narcissist ever consider killing you
if you expose them?

The narcissist is already slowly killing you. They are callously using your body in which to store their negative feelings so that they don't have to deal with them. This fills you with shame to dangerous levels; it taxes your body greatly to have to process the extra negativity.

You constantly expose the narcissist by being honest and puncturing their fantasy world. In return they punish you for telling the truth. Even if you don't tell the truth, they'll still punish you because they grt constantly exposed by reality too.

You don't always have to expose a narcissist, as the people around them may not believe you, or care. You do have to get away though, as they are poisonous people. If you are determined to expose them because they're doing something henious, make sure you are safe first. Like a drowning man, they'll cling to anyone and take them down too. You want to be well away from the blast radius. Perhaps you could even do it anonymously, months or years later.

If you haven't fixed your own weaknesses, you'll simply find another one, and repeat the process. Its important to take responsibility for your part in the charade too.

Trying to make narcissists love you is suicide.
___________________________________

Most definitely and I speak from personal experience. In fact, you don't have to expose them for it to happen. All you have to do is annoy them at the wrong moment in time. I read about a narcissist recently who killed his girlfriend for stealing $4.00 from him.

Other prominent narcissists like Scott Peterson murdered his wife and unborn son because he wanted to have an affair. Charles Manson ordered his followers to murder people because he claimed the Beatles song Helter Skelter made him. Ted Bundy killed women simply because he enjoyed it. All of these men are believed to embody NPD.

My first husband who was a malignant narcissist, tried to kill me because I laughed at him. My last boyfriend who was diagnosed with NPD, held a gun to my head because I confronted him with concrete proof that he was having unprotected sex with strange men he met on Grindr.

Many people on Quora have shared their horror stories about surviving brutal attacks by narcissists. Anything, even trying to leave a relationship with one can provoke them.

To those innocents who believe that narcissists are just misunderstood people who like to look at themselves in the mirror, you need a reality check. There are many degrees of narcissism and while most may not commit murder, many of them do.

In fact, given the emotional immaturity, impulsivity, anger issues and total lack of empathy that is prevalent in NPD, I think it is possible for any narcissist to be capable of murder if they feel criticized or threatened.

Most likely, the only reason they don't is because they fear going to prison. Someone commented that narcissists aren't like sociopaths. They may, in fact, be a lot worse.

These are personality disorders and while most disordered people probably won't try to kill you, it needs to be recognized that they might. The majority of people who are murdered by their significant others never see it coming, do they? If they did, chances are they wouldn't be in the relationship.

If you have been threatened by a narcissist with violence, please take it seriously. They can and will kill if they feel justified.

5
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 03:08:02 PM »
How are grandiose
fantasies experienced
by a narcissist?

Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder live in a world of roleplay, they just never let you know your true role.

You are lured in with false hope of something very real and beautiful, but this is just the first act, to deceive you. You are not their hero, for they are always the hero — you are the villain.

It is essential that you are the villain, for their foul scenes are cruel and capricious, and no relationship can withstand the nonsensical and repetitive drama and remain healthy. The narcissist is unwilling to take blame for your destruction, as they twist you to and fro to Duke their grandiosity — they are a god to you, as bow and scrape, praying for that initial character to return.

Refuse to play with narcissists, go and play alone instead. This is something the narcissist cannot do, they need an endless string of dupes to torture, because they are biologically, neurologically unable to generate good feelings about themselves. These come instead from their power to hurt others. You can make good feelings by yourself, by doing beautiful things. Narcissists do not understand beauty, only vainglory, self-indulgence, envy.

Their cold, dead hearts will never know the warmth of love, and the curtains will one day close forever on the narcissist’s ugly, wasted life.

Your show will go on.
__________________________________

Narcissistic grandiosity and narcissistic vulnerability to the layperson, narcissism is most often associated with conceited, arrogant, and domineering attitudes and behaviors (Buss & Chiodo 1991), which are captured by the term narcissistic grandiosity.

This accurately identifies some common expressions of maladaptive self-enhancement associated with pathological narcissism. However, our definition of narcissism combines maladaptive self-enhancement (e.g. grandiosity) with self, emotional, and behavioral dysregulation in response to ego threats or self-enhancement failures (e.g., vulnerability).

This narcissistic vulnerability is reflected in experiences of anger, envy, aggression, helplessness, emptiness, low self-esteem, shame, avoidance of interpersonal relationships, and even suicidality (Kohut & Wolf, 1978; Krizan & Johar, 2012; Pincus & Roche, 2011; Ronningngstam 2005b). In recent years, recognition of both grandiose and vulnerable themes of narcissistic pathology has increasingly become the norm (e.g. Kealy & Rasmussen, 2012; Levy, 2012; Miller et al., 2011).

Reviews of clinical literature on narcissism and narcissistic personality pathology over the last 45 years have identified more than 50 distinct labels describing variability in the expressions of pathological narcissism (Cain et al., 2008; Pincus & Lukowitsky, 2010).

The Oxford book of psychopathology concluded that two broad themes of narcissistic pathology, labeled narcissistic grandiosity and narcissistic vulnerability, could be synthesized across the literature with varying degrees of emphasis.

Clinical theorists have employed these themes to describe the core aspects of narcissistic dysfunction through defects in self-structure (Kernberg 1998; Kohut 1977), difficulties in the therapeutic relationship (Gabbard 2009, Kernber, 2007), and maladaptive coping and defensive strategies used in response to stressors (Masterson, 1993 (Ellinors favorite)).

Some of the little guys are paranoid too. Especially when they know they can’t hide and dodge accountability and are up against something that can hold them accountable. That scares them a bit. Especially when they know it to be true but still continue to lie to themselves about it. They will dream all sorts of scenarios but cannot stop with campaigns to convince themselves of their grandiosity.


6
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 02:46:55 PM »
What can stop a narcissist from living in a fantasy?

At a young age, the narcissist decided reality was humiliating, unfair, full of shame and failure, and so they retreated into the world of fantasy, never to be seen again.

Fantasy is how they deal or rather, don't deal with the shame that comes from mistakes. They're never wrong, it's always someone else's fault, they're always good, and out there, outside the spot behind their eyes, is the bad.

When you are three years old, you can't read Joseph Campbell.

There is no hero journey in this fantasy, no belly of the beast in which to be challenged, thwarted, tested, no emerging with insight or anything of value. Just constant indulgent rewrites to make the lead character always look good no matter what they do. Being perfect, the narcissist never makes mistakes. If anything bad happens the world is to blame, you are to blame, the weather, their food, the boss, the barking dog, their digestive tract, anything but their decisions created the mess.

Nothing is their fault, but every success however is due to your Fearless Leader.

In their fantasy the good that is done by others, is done by you, is due to them. Thus, it is owed to them and they covet it furiously. It is theirs! Everything they want is theirs! Everything they don't want - that belongs to you!

Narcissists lack something four year olds have - Theory of Mind.

The narcissist has not developed the ability to see you as a separate entity. You an extension of them, part of the primordial swamp that makes up the narcissist.

You don't think, you don't feel, you do not exist - you either function as the narcissist wishes (slavish adoration) or with hate as their cudgel, they will beat you back into line.

The way you should be. The way you are in their mind.

There is no mind but the narcissists mind, there is only their will, their opinions, their thoughts, and a wicked, rebelling universe that must be punished. Everything is wrong.

Disorder? More like absolute f*cking bedlam.

It is only when the wheels inevitably come off the particular fantasy scenario they are running (I am about to become a rockstar, but why when you challenge me to play a song am I unable?) that reality intrudes, shame overwhelms them, and it dawns on them, momentarily who they are.

They're a crummy, manipulative person that only thinks about themselves.

Forcing them to face up to their bad behavior will temporarily chasten them, but before long, the writers of the show regroup and brainstorm up a new format entirely. It's time to explain away the fact that the character playing the lead man, who was to be perfect and the eternal lover has suddenly changed genders, and the show has moved from the local bar to a foreign country - what was once a sedate blue collar comedy in a run down part of town is now a racy lesbian thriller in the desert.

The shameful chapter is hurled into the bin, along with all the useless and disappointing characters that caused it to fail, and the narcissist begins to dream again once more.

If it doesn't work out, and the ratings are a bust, they're entitled to return, and be clumsily rewritten into the show, to take up where they left off.

What the hell just happened?

7
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 02:29:33 PM »
What are the red flags
of a female narcissist?

Oh, venturing into the realm of narcissism, are we? Don't worry; I've got your back. Let's roll up those sleeves and dissect the colorful mosaic that is the female narcissist. And remember, while we're delving into stereotypes for illustrative purposes, it's essential to note that not all narcissists fit neatly into these boxes, regardless of gender.

1. Charm Offensive: When you first meet her, she'll dazzle you with her charisma. It's like she's on a permanent stage, and everyone must adore her. But here's the twist: this charm is typically a gateway to manipulation.

2. Never Wrong: Oh, didn't you get the memo? She’s infallible! Any mistake, any flaw, any hiccup—it's never her fault. It's the world against her, poor thing.

3. Validation Vacuum: Compliments. Praise. Admiration. Feed her ego, or face the wrath of her cold shoulder.

4. Jealousy Justified: If someone else shines, even for a split second, she'll be the first to cast a shadow. Every success story is a threat, unless, of course, it's her own.

5. Drama Queen: If life was a soap opera, she's the perennial lead. Everything is blown out of proportion. Remember, she thrives in chaos and conflict.

6. Empathy? What's that?: Genuine concern for others? Pfft. Not in her dictionary. She's more likely to lack empathy and focus solely on her own feelings and needs.

7. History Revisionist: Facts are mutable in her world. She'll twist, turn, and reshape events to fit her narrative. The reality? Optional.

8. The Disappearing Act: When things don't go her way, expect silent treatments, ghosting episodes, or dramatic exits.

While it's essential to recognize these flags, remember that true understanding comes from observation and pattern recognition, not one-off instances. Be wary but fair. Identifying a narcissist isn’t about finger-pointing but rather understanding and safeguarding one's own well-being. And, just to sprinkle in some final wisdom: always approach relationships, whether platonic or romantic, with a balance of intuition, understanding, and boundaries.

8
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 02:22:08 PM »
Why does a victim of narcissistic abuse
research the disorder relentlessly over
so many years?

Because being Narcissistically abused is such a mindflock, people cannot tell what actually happened and they want to know what actually happened, why and how.

Even equipped with the facts applying it to the tangled twisted surreal reality just experienced understanding takes time. Having the facts is one thing, understanding, acceptance and believing in it takes a few leaps of faith, a good cry or two before you get it right. Knowing and accepting the truth don’t always happens at the same time.

They are pretty shattered people, the more they know the more they can understand the details and everything about what they went thru. It is easier to heal with knowledge of what the hell just happened. They end up being very broken people, just how they got so broken becomes clearer the more that know.

They are also learning so as not to repeat the same mistake. I guess I should have said we, not they, I was injured through narcissistic abuse. I walk the road to recovery.
____________________________________

I think there are many reasons why survivors may become ‘obsessed’ with reading about narcissism. It starts when you have your ‘light bulb’ moment, when you somehow realise what you have been dealing with and when all the pieces of your relationship (and your narc’s behaviour) suddenly fall into place. It was very sudden for me and my world changed in that instant. In my case, it was a friend who advised me to read up on narcissism while I was in the middle of a week-long silent treatment. I did just that and could not believe what I was seeing – my partner, described right there in black and white! A text book case study. I realised it all actually wasn’t me and I was not crazy after all (jealous, yes, but perhaps because of triangulation).

The fog started to clear and as much as it hurt, it was also a relief to be able to start making sense of things. To have clarity after two years of confusion. I was compelled to read and watch everything I could get my hands on about narcissism to understand him and our relationship (and my part in it). It was an education and four months on, it is still endlessly fascinating to me just how similar the traits and behaviours of narcs are. How so many of us have had the same experiences, even down to hearing the exact same phrases.

Information is power…and you have to take your power back when dealing with a narc. Not only is it important to learn about narcissism so you don’t repeat the same mistakes (in my case, with a romantic partner) and end up with another narcissist, but it is also important to know about narcs if you have to work or associate with one, so you can better learn how to deal with them.

From a recovery point of view, there is no doubt I feel less alone reading about other people’s experiences of narcissism and healing from narcissistic abuse. It is helpful to know that others have been through the same experience. I have never felt as alone as when I was in a relationship with my narc-ex and it is comforting to know there are good people and empaths out there; we are not alone.

Your mind is so screwed over by involvement with a narc, learning about it all can hopefully undo some of that damage and help you to move forward. I was left emotionally devastated after my relationship. Reading about narcissism has helped me stick to no contact and remind me why I left, why I survived six weeks of hoover attempts and why I cannot go back. Knowledge and shared experiences have proved to be such a support to me over the last few months.

As much as I think it may eventually hinder my ongoing healing to continue to read and write about narcissism (because it means I am thinking about him), I am sure I will be doing it for quite some time yet. I feel like I have been changed forever by the two year relationship I have not long come out of; I see the world in a completely different way now that I know narcissists walk among us. I am not sure I trust my judgement anymore, even though I can probably spot a red flag from a mile away and even though my instinct and intuition were practically screaming at me from the very start of my relationship.

Reading about narcissism has taught me a lot about myself too – what made me easy prey, why I put up with his behaviour and allowed myself to be treated so badly. I hope my experience helps me to grow into a better person - for others and myself. I also think that obsessively reading about narcissism is the brain trying to find a way to reach acceptance.

I was addicted to my narc, I knew I was before I even learnt about narcissism. I wrote in my diary ‘I am obsessed with him and that just can’t be right’. The very fact survivors’ brains have potentially been rewired by emotional manipulation can put us in an obsessive state of mind. We go from obsessing about one thing to obsessing about it in another form (I have gone from obsessing about my narc to obsessing about narcissism. I don’t deny it…and I do still obsess about him too).

My friend has told me I need to stop reading about it all, but I don’t think she really understands how important it is or why I feel the need to continue with it – you never stop learning. I have found ruminating to be an incredibly difficult thing to overcome since I split up with my ex and I suppose reading about narcissism helps channel all those thoughts to be a bit more focused in my recovery.

Learning and reading about narcissism not only helps us heal through understanding (about what has and is happening to us), it also protects us in the future and, hopefully, we can help others who may be experiencing narcissist abuse.
____________________________________

The abuse is done in a callous and insidious way that the victims are unable to comprehend the person they love was the very person that broke them. The pain of betrayal can linger for years even after the abuse. It is also to heal ourselves that no matter how well we manage the relationship, the abuse will still not stop. No matter how much we love them, it will not change them. Nothing about it is authentic and it is painful for the part of the victims because the person that should protect us became our abuser.

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-a-victim-of-narcissistic-abuse-research-the-disorder-relentlessly-over-so-many-years

9
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 02:13:49 PM »
Discarded and thrown away like a worthless
piece of garbage by someone who once said
they loved you can be horrible.

How does it feel to be discarded?

:tazdev: :jandoor: :mobbing:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You need to see the narcissist for what he or she is. They are empty shells, often with "larger than life" personalities, but that isn't even their true self.

I once went to Area 51 with the narcissist. I think he was obsessed with aliens because he is one. lol. On a more serious note, I remember something he asked a local in a bar. He asked "so do you guys have any apartments here for rent?" The guy at the bar nearly spit out his drink and just stared. The narcissist looked truly perplexed. It was Area 51, not prime real estate.

This was the same guy who would yell at me and say that I was stupid. Sure, I'm stupid, the person you're jealous of because I have the degrees you wish you had. This was the same guy who acted like Superman in front of me, flexing his so-called muscles and acting like he was King of the World. In front of other people though, he seemed a lot smaller, and less "powerful." It's weird, but everywhere we went, people liked me and would talk to me. Never to him. He literally becaome invisible.

So you need to see them for who they are. They aren't anyone. They do not even have a real personality. Everything they say or do is copied from someone else they know. Even their word salads are plagiarized. They try and invent some "style" from everything they're stored in their memory, like AI. They are AI people. They aren't even real. Robotic.

They will discard you, because you're too good for them. They must move on. Especially after they've been exposed. They will move on to the next supply, because they can't face themselves, and they cannot even make it on their own.

The next one (supply) may last longer. Maybe he or she doesn't talk back or argue. Maybe they stay silent, and cry in their sleep. They swallow back tears and stay with the narcissist, because they "love" them. But holding all that in is going to make them ill one day. They will get some disease from holding in all that stress. There is an actual paper written about how narcissists and psychopaths give their victims carcinogenesis. Being around abnormality for such a long time period will ultimately kill you from stress or disease.

So be glad that they are gone. You don't need them. They were just empty shells or AI automatons playing a part. I've written before that my ex narcissist would play out roles that he saw in sitcoms and films. That is how empty his life was, that he had no identity at all, and had to learn how to act or behave through an actor's character.
__________________________________

It's honestly indescribable.

Because there are so many layers to it.

The deception is the first:

-If you grew up with a Narcissistic parent- but you had never experienced a romantic relationship with a Narcisisst before- it is night/day different.

-It is one thing when it is a Narcissistic parent who is lieing about when they are coming home- or verbally gaslighting you. You can somehow rarionalize in your brain that one day, you will move away, and never have to put up with this manipulation again.

It is another when you are in a romantic relationship, and you love this Narcissist.

Because you don't KNOW that they ARE a Narcissist to begin with.

They are kind, gentle, charming- and you have taken your time to trust them.

If you're like me, and you grew up in an abusive household- you don't trust people easily.

But Narcissists are very reassuring. They take their sweet time to Love Bomb you for 3 months.

They Future Fake you. Tell you about all the happy things they want to do with you.

And slowly, you begin to trust them.

You don't rush intimacy. You love them, but you are scared of getting your heart broken.

They reassure you that they love you though. And slowly you share more with them.

They've made you so happy you can't believe this is real. You actually can't believe that there are kind, caring people in this world.

And then- out of nowhere- one day you are discarded.

You're stunned. You can't even breathe. You have no idea what you did wrong.

And they don't explain anything. They don't want to talk about it. They've made up their mind, and they are done with you.

And you're heart is shattered. You're Trauma Bonded. You beg them to explain what you did wrong. You love them, and you can't believe this is happening.

And they may take you back. And maybe for 6 more months you'll date. But everyday gets worse. They don't tell you you're pretty any longer.

If you're sick in the hospital, they don't care. They'd rather look at pictures of random women, then be worried about you.

You start physically becoming sick. You look at your face, and you don't even recognize yourself any longer. The color is drained, and your light and happiness has slowly faded away.

You ask them, if they just used you. They tell you, “you provided stimulation.”

And you feel like a knife has been driven through your heart.

You can't believe this person you shared such intimate things about yourself with- that you loved, and would protect them with your life- could throw you away like you are absolutely nothing.

That's what being Discarded feels like. And this is why- many people may even commit suicide after being in a relationship with a Narcissist.
________________________________________-

Regardless of the time invested it’s devastating to think that someone you cared so deeply for planned a future with could so easily walk away with no closure. As if the relationship meant NOTHING to them.

The fact is that the relationship was merely a stepping stone to the next “love of their live—-—or should I say the love of their life until they get bored with them as well”. looking back you knew something was wrong and so you tried harder. The more you tried the more distain they had towards you. Now they’re gone? They ended the relationship a long time ago. You just didn’t know it They just wanted to make sure your replacement was suitable before they cast you aside like an old shoe.

Now what? You feel extreme anxiety and stress. You can’t focus on anything BUT how why when this person decided you weren’t good enough for them. This is when it’s advised to block this person and go no contact. This is to protect yourself from further hurt because what a true narcissist loves to do is mess with your head after the discard.

They will float in and out of your life if allowed. You’ll start feeling better and be moving on and they will send you a random text/email/VM with a simple “hi”. That one word WILL derail you and you basically start the healing in process over. Don’t snoop or follow or ask about this person. Move on and don’t look back. It’s hard. You will be sad you will be lonely BUT time will heal those wounds.

They very rarely change and any time or energy trying to reconcile or figure it out will be wasted. Not all relationships end happily ever after but with a normal person they will at least have a conversation saying the relationship isn’t working for them. It hurts but at least you have closure and it ended respectfully.

A toxic person will not give you that consideration they walk away with no closure leaving you very confused and devastated. When you feel tempted to reach out to this person please don’t—-come to this sight read what people say about healing from a toxic relationship. You will see you’re not alone and you WILL be ok and be able to move on with your life.
_______________________________________

It really does feel like your person has died. They were there one day, next day, gone. Their body might still be in your home, but the person you thought you knew; the person you have been laying in the same bed with; the person you made a home with; the person you got the dog with; the person you ate with; the person you told your most intimate secrets to; the person you had children with; the person you planned vacations with; the person you presented to your family; the person who told you they loved you like no other; the person you trusted; the person you planned your future around; THAT PERSON IS GONE!

Even if they are still next to you in your bed, THAT PERSON NO LONGER EXISTS. And, they won’t be returning, either. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THAT PERSON AGAIN.

You live with a demon now.

You have to come to terms with the death of the future you planned. Your life will not be what was promised. That person had no intention on bringing those dreams to fruition. You have to grieve the loss of your security, your home, your spirit, your dreams. You have to come to terms with the fact that, no matter how long the history with this person, THEY NEVER LOVED YOU.

You have to be strong enough to absorb the truths that come crashing down on you after you wake from the fog of the relationship. You have to heal from the trauma of realizing that EVERYTHING this person presented to you was a lie.

You have to be stable enough to take the insult of each new secret that comes to light around EVERY CORNER, once that person’s true colors come out. They just keep coming, secret after insult, after affair, after lie, after deceit, after misconduct, after dysfunction, after abuse, they JUST KEEP COMING. And you can’t stop them.

They are literally in the drawers of your home, the cupboards, the papers, the history of your relationship. They are EVERYWHERE you go. They knock on your door. They show up on your social media pages. They’re in your phone bills and your bank accounts. The LIES ARE EVERYWHERE.

There is no more faking it. This animal WILL be terrible to you now RIGHT TO YOUR FACE. There is no more sneaking around. You can see it with your own eyes now. They can’t hide the truth anymore, and their house of cards has fallen ON YOUR head.

And in response to it, they piss on you and walk away in disgust. They don’t care. They’re off to find someone else to do this to again. They can’t fix what they’ve done because THEY WERE NEVER ACTUALLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP to begin with, you were. YOU were in a relationship ALL ALONE the ENTIRE time.

10
The Round Table / Re: Tales From The Narc Side
« Last post by tellomon on May 26, 2024, 11:47:53 AM »
Why do narcissists
discard their partners?

:tello: "Buckle up and hold onto your seats, ladies & gents. It’s going to be a wild ride!"


A narcissist will discard of you in the most callous way imaginable. It will come out of left field and hit you right in the face like a hard rock. You will come out of it confused, bewildered and disoriented not knowing how the person who claimed to love every part about you, now thinks you are absolutely repulsing to them.

You can’t understand how one moment you are spending all this time together, staying in touch frequently, to now getting blocked, shunned, cut off and demeaned. You can’t fathom how cruel they are being to you, when all you did was be a kind-hearted person to them. You go from being the centre of their attention, to them now wanting nothing to do with you.

You will be quickly demoted from their supply chain when they have started to get bored of you; which happens with every single person they entangle into their toxic web. Once they have used up all the good things that you have done for them, then they no longer have any care to keep you around.

You were once their favourite and number one pick, but without a second thought they will kick you straight to the curb with a new person already groomed to take your place. This person is now taking up all their free time, and getting all their undivided attention and love-bombing. They are saying all the sweet things to them like they used to say to you. While they are making you seem irrelevant by dismissing you out of their lives, they are telling this new person how special they are. They have found someone whom they consider to be “better” than what you have provided them.

Narcissists want variety, and don’t want to settle down or cater to meet the needs of one person for the rest of their lives. The thought of that is insane to them. They love the idea of people being loyal to them, but that will never be reciprocated back. They want to be able to sleep with whoever they want without question, and expect you to put up with it, or else you will be tossed aside in an instant.

They want to be able to flirt with neighbours, strangers, your friends, your family, co-workers or any random person they met online or at a club and they expect you to look the other way & accept it, or else you are crazy, jealous, insecure and controlling. They want to be able to use their social media platforms as a way to hook up with other people, and could care less about your feelings about it. They want to be able to blow all their money on drinking and doing drugs, partying, the sex industry, gambling or anything other than taking care of responsibilities.

Then they will go and spend all of your hard-earned money too without hesitation. They will expect you to bend over backwards for them, sacrificing your dignity, self-respect and identity, and nothing will ever be enough for them, no matter how hard you try. They used to love hearing from you, and now they find everything that you do or say to be annoying. They will say that you are smothering them, that you are needy, clingy and controlling. They will do all these things on purpose, and then they will turn around and blame you for it. You will finally get to a point where you confront them because it’s just getting too much and you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells just to make them happy.

They will discard of you when you start to call them out on their erratic, destructive, impulsive, irresponsible and reckless behaviour. In their minds they think “How dare you hold me accountable for deliberately hurting you!! Silly you, off you go.” They don’t want to hear any lip about how much pain, hurt, distress or abuse they have brought to your life.

They don’t want to listen to you telling them how upset you are that you caught them lying, cheating, or that you are bothered they flirt with other people. They don’t want to hear about how they are ignoring all your messages, and have been avoiding you. They want to be free to live their lives doing as they please, and don’t want to be held accountable for any of the ramifications of their actions.

They will also discard of you to elicit control over you. They do this just for the fun of it to see how far they can test you. One second you could be having the best time together, and you’ll wake up to only find that you’ve been blocked, they’ve changed their number, they’ve moved, they’ve quit their jobs and basically dropped off the face of the earth.
 
This will leave you in a state of panic and make you feel so abandoned because you grew so attached to them. You spend all your time just going crazy and trying to make it through each day when you can barely function. They leave you in unbearable pain while they seamlessly move on with their lives and slither like manipulative snakes onto the next victim without any regard for how they’ve left you to bleed out.

They will discard of you but not before they make you feel completely worthless, heartbroken, alone, and devastated. Before they send you off, their goal is to take more supply from you by watching you fall to your knees in pain not knowing how it all came to this. They love seeing you sacrificing everything for them, when they fully know they have others waiting in line willing to do the exact same. You don’t understand how all the amazing memories, and good times you shared are now all crumbled to shambles in pieces while they are creating them with someone else.

They discard of you because they don’t care about you. Really, they don’t. This is the most important thing to understand. While you may actually be in love with them, be loyal, be faithful and giving; they don’t think the same way you do.

They don’t understand commitment, or what it means to compromise for another person. They think of themselves in every moment at all costs and won’t let a single person get in the way of that. They could tell you that they want to spend the rest of their lives with you, that they will never leave you, and the second you turn around, they will be with someone else telling them the same things, and have casted you out of their lives faster then you can blink. They want the freedom to do as they please, no questions asked.

They discard of you because it gives them the thrill of knowing they have dominance and power over you. They love watching you beg, plead, cry, and being in distress, losing yourself over them. They are smearing you to their friends, and anyone else who will listen about what a horrible person you are.

Meanwhile, they are leaving out all the horrific things they said and did to you.

They will call you a crazy, stalking, annoying, jealous ex that won’t leave them alone when you try to just communicate with them. They do this as a way to triangulate you with their new supply and make them jealous. They want to make it seem like they have people head over heels for them, and that they have unlimited options.

They will discard of you because they don’t attach themselves to people. They will use whoever for whatever benefits them, and once something more enticing comes along, then it’s goodbye for you without a moments notice. They may cut you off for days, weeks, months or even years and then suddenly reappear if it suits their needs.

It doesn’t matter how much time passed, or how much damage they caused, they feel that they can come and go whenever they wish. They ensure that they choose the most empathic people, because we are the most forgiving. They will know all the right things to say and do to win you over again and it will just be the same repetitive cycle of abuse.

They will discard of you at the worst possible time. You could be going through some really difficult challenges and they will use this opportunity to abandon you. They do this to show you that they refuse to hold your hand through the tough times, and be someone you can depend on.

They will find whatever you are going through to be an inconvenience to them, so they will just drop you for one of their other supplies that isn’t “whining and complaining” and that is available for them at their beck and call. They will discard you during birthdays,holidays or any special occasion. If you are looking forward to something, they will find a way to ruin it for you and pull the disappearing act by ghosting you, giving you the silent treatment and refusing to engage with you.

They will also discard of you to make sure that you are submissive and complacent for future use. If they cut you off as punishment for standing up for yourself and you came back around begging, then they know they will have you right in the palm of their hands when they decide to worm their way back in, because you so desperately want to work things out with them.

You are willing to forget everything that happened just to get the chance to see them again. You are willing to sacrifice your own boundaries to allow a more open relationship that suits their needs because you don’t want to risk losing them again. You are willing to experiment sexually in ways you never have before just to keep them satisfied.

It’s all madness!
They treat you like a slave, and will leave you in an instant no matter how much you loved them, cared for them, or how long you’ve known them. It doesn’t matter if you have been together for decades, months or weeks; they will do what they want, when they want, with who they want, for as long as they live.

They will discard of you mercilessly, and without any remorse. They will do it unexpectedly like they are holding a gun to the back of your head & pull the trigger after they hear your cries. They will come at you full force like a blunt trauma impact and watch you suffer. They will stab you in the back, and twist the knife even further each time you keep letting them come back for more.

Once they discard of you, please take my advice and don’t ever lower yourself to chase after a person who cut you out so ruthlessly. They aren’t worth your time, your tears, your compassion, your effort, or your love. The longer you stay with them, and the longer you wait around for them to decide to want you again, you will lose yourself a little more each time until you no longer even recognize who you are.

That’s not a life worth living for any of us. Every person deserves to be loved back when they give their all. Nobody should have to endure abuse, being cheated on and repeatedly disrespected just for one person. We wouldn’t want our friends or family to go through that, so why would we want that for ourselves? Don’t ever think that you aren’t good enough, or that you won’t ever find someone else, or that you won’t be happy.

Anything is better (even being alone) then being constantly hurt, used, walked on, degraded, betrayed and tossed away like garbage.

“The people that are quick to walk away, are the ones who never intended to stay.”

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